Running Up That Hill
by annieDD
Summary: Sophia Baratheon was always a loyal daughter; she will do whatever it takes to help her Father win the Kingdom that is his by right. Sophia will have to walk through hell and back, without help from anyone. Does she have what it takes to be a good Princess, or even a good Queen? Eventual RobbxOC, starts in the middle of the War of the five Kings. Rated M. Enjoy! :)
1. Chapter 1

**Hi there! I decided to give this story a go a lot sooner than I initially expected, but as always, readers give me the most inspiration, and to be honest, I was desperate for some sort of feedback! You may have read my other GOT story, To love and to fight. If you didn't, please, check it out, it would mean a lot to me.**

 **I am a big thrones fan, and I have had this story in my head for a long time, and after reading the first two books, it has only grown stronger.**

 **I suppose I will wait for feedback before updating again, but this time, I am a few chapters in, so it mostly depends on the other stories I'm writing, and you, but you know, no pressure ;)**

 **English isn't my first language, and I am sorry for any mistakes I make, and there will probably be quite a few of them. If something bothers you immensely, feel free to tell, so that I can fix it up in the following chapters!**

 **I will not write a summary, since I think it's all pretty clear in this, first chapter, but if there's something missing, again, feel free to tell, and I'll explain it all. Read, favorite, follow, and please, review, it would mean a lot to me.**

 **As always, the most important thing to mention: I own nothing related to the Game of Thrones. It all belongs to the brilliant and evil mastermind that is George R. R. Martin, and those evil geniuses that are David and Dan! I only own the OC character(s, as there might be more to come, we will see where it goes) Anyways, I hope you enjoy this story! Ana.**

 _ **Totally and completely inspired by the song Running up that hill from Placebo.**_

There is something exceptionally beautiful about the raging sea. There it is, standing there, for centuries, not moving, not going anywhere. Stationed in one place until it dries out. Yet, it still has a temper. Boy, does it have a temper.

I grew up by the sea. I love the sea. Never am I calmer than when I am looking at it. Or even more, when I am actually in it.

When I was a child, I loved stories. I would demand from everyone to tell me stories, everyone from my father to fishermen I just met at the docks. My favorites were always the ones with sea creatures. Mermaids were always my favorite. Even now, when I'm not supposed to be a dreamer or a believer, I still like to think that somewhere, out there, someone is leading a life I wish I was leading. Anywhere is better than where I am now.

It's not the place I have a problem with. I grew up here, this is my home. I will never have a problem with being in this place. It's the time I have a problem with. We're all living in a time of war. We are all at war, and I never would have imagined that it will get to that.

Even more, I never would have imagined that I would choose a side. And yet, here I am.

My father is a strict, yet caring man. At least towards me and in his own, strange way. My mother, on the other hand… I love her, I truly do. But I do not like her. I am not close to her, I never was. She and I never saw eye to eye, especially when it came to my little sister. I love her simply because she is family.

I favor my father in more ways than one. People call me serious, mature, proud and smart, and those are all qualities I had taken from him. When it comes to physical appearance, I could say that I am an even mixture of both my father and my mother. I am a Baratheon; I look like one, I act like one and I am proud to be one.

I had taken a side in this war long before it had started; it was a given. I will stand by my father, no matter what. It didn't take me long to realize that that is not just because he is my father. With all that has happened, if I were a common girl, with no association to him whatsoever, I would still see him as the King.

As much as I respect and admire him, I do not follow him blindly. He calls me a calm rebel. When I do not agree with him, I speak my mind, but I do not complain if he doesn't listen to me. He is his own man, with a mind of his own, and he already has too many people telling him what he should say and do.

The Red Woman comes to mind.

I do not trust her, or her religion. The only reason I am still here where I am now is because I firmly believe that she does not have a power over my father as much as she thinks she does. Even more so, she does not have power over me. She is fascinating and mesmerizing, I'll give her that; but that is where her power ends. She might think she has power over my father and she might even be right. But one day, hopefully not soon, my father's time will come, and he will pass. All he ever earned, all he had fought for, all he inherited, _everything,_ will be mine.

As his eldest daughter, as his eldest child, all eyes will be on me. Yet that is not the only reason I pray that that day does not come soon.

Truth be told, I would be lost. Hell, I'll probably be lost. As someone who looks up to him and respects him, I don't know what I will do when the time comes. Sailors need stars; it is only natural that they use them to ease navigation. We are all sailors, and we all have our stars. We do not always admit it, but we do. My father is my star. Once he burns out… well, it will be a very dark night.

I was still standing by the window; cold had started to affect me now. I've always had a thick skin, and even if I wasn't entirely comfortable, I was never the one to complain. Something as trivial as cold I mostly ignore entirely. This time, however, the cold was more persistent than I was, and I grabbed a cloak to cover myself. As soon as I did, I returned to my usual post, staring at the sea once more.

I wonder if it will ever calm down. Not the sea. Sea has a temper, but when it is calm, it is almost magical. What I do not know is whether or not Westeros will ever be at peace.

On the other hand, was it ever?

There was always something. Targaryens, Baratheons, Lannisters, there was always more than enough of drama. Usurpers, kidnapers, liars and lovers. And now we have four Kings. If one of them makes it out of it alive, we should rejoice, whichever one it is.

Joffrey, a Lannister bastart. Robb Stark, a grieving son with a powerful army. Renly, my uncle, has no claim, yet, he has an army. And my father, an honorable and strict man, with no love from the people.

He never wanted any friends, and ever since I was old enough to realize what a mistake that was, I kept trying to convince him to change his ways. It matters not whether he enjoys it. Renly did the exact opposite, and look at him now; he has an army. Last we heard of, it's twice as bigger than ours.

A King needs to be loved, but more than that, he needs to be capable. I, for one, think that the capability is more important than charm. Charm can be easily gained, as well as lost, and capability shouldn't be something you learn as you go.

Of course, my opinion has little to do with the rest of the realm. And whether I care to admit it or not, I am biased.

Joffrey and Robb Stark are irrelevant to me at this point. Father will not march on King's Landing in these next few days, so Joffrey and his delightful mother are not an immediate threat. The true Lannister mastermind, the one that holds all of the strings is too busy taking care of the North, which has rebelled as loud as never before.

Renly, my uncle, was the closest threat. And the one that bothered me the most.

Renly and I grew up together. There is no more than six years between the two of us. We were raised at Storm's End and King's Landing, up until the siege of Dragonstone. Then, our ways have parted for a little while. Once we were reunited, we did not part again until Renly got our family's seat in Storm's End. It was supposed to be my father's, but Robert, my other uncle, had a plan of his own.

That is when Renly and I stopped being close.

For years, we were like brother and sister. We were close, we were friends, we played together and we tested my father's patience with wicked grins on our faces. I followed him blindly. Then, when he was just seventeen, things have changed, and I was only slightly aware of it.

By the end, I did not see him at all. Last time I laid eyes on him, Eddard Stark still had a head on his shoulders, Jon Arryn was the Hand of the King, and Robert was the damned King.

It goes without saying that Renly was always my favorite uncle; even now, when he is officially an enemy.

Father loved him, and I doubt he felt anything more than respect and childish admirations for Robert. He and Jon Arryn were the ones who kept Robert's kingdom intact. Robert did not win it himself, and he did not keep it himself. I know all of these stories by heart. As proud as he is, father still has his moments of self-doubt, and he tends to remember the times when he was nothing more than a little brother, whose idol was unreachable. That boy grew up to be a man whose idol had betrayed him, robbed him of his rights, even of his reputation.

I never loved Robert, and the reasons are simple. When I was a child, he frightened me, and when I got older, he repulsed me.

Father did not grieve when he died, and neither did I. Robert Baratheon showed exactly what kind of king he was when a boar skewered him because he was too drunk to notice it until it was late. The mighty have fallen, that was for certain.

By nightfall, all seven hells have broken loose. Whether we liked it or not, Joffrey was the heir, and we had to accept it. That was until we found out that Joffrey is not only not a true heir, but not even a Baratheon.

Now, when I look back, it makes sense, but I never would have imagined that he was born of incest, right under my uncle's nose, without him questioning it. And as the rest of his children are Lannister bastards, it is my father's right to sit on the Iron Throne. That is when the true problems begun.

Now, we are here. Waiting, preparing, hoping. As always, we were hoping for the best and we are prepared for the worst.

For the first time in my entire existence, father and I are not agreeing.

He is well aware of the fact that we lack in strength; we do not have a big fleet, and we do not have enough men. Even with all of the sellswords he managed to pay off, we are not strong enough. That is why I believe that it would be best to side with someone.

He does not want to join forces with Renly, and I cannot say that I blame him. He proclaimed himself King, and by doing so, he spat in his brother's face, and in our family heritage. I might still love him and he might be my favorite uncle, but what he did is not right. That leaves us with the Starks.

Robb Stark is avenging his father and trying to rescue his sisters, who are, as far as we know, still in King's Landing, held hostage by the Queen. While their march was nothing more than an attempt to rescue Eddard Stark, it ended up being something quite different. North has declared itself an independent kingdom, with the House of Stark and by that, Robb Stark as their leader, their King.

I do not know war as well as my father does, but I do believe that neither he nor Robb Stark could ever win this without joining forces. Unlike us, Robb Stark does have more options. He has Renly.

I was suggesting, asking, even begging my father to approach the man, to join forces with him and defeat the Lannisters. But he saw him as a thief who would take away a big part of the Kingdom.

I cannot imagine how many times I have told him that it's better to have half of a Kingdom than no Kingdom at all, but he does not listen. With his stubbornness and that awful woman whispering in his ear, it's no wonder we do not see eye to eye.

I will not give up hope, not until I hear that the Stark's and both their bannermen and the bannermen of the House of Tully have joined forces with Renly. Perhaps, if I am persistant as he can be, father might see that I have a proper view on this situation.

As I looked outside, I could see movement on the beach; men were preparing for the ritual that the Red Woman will hold tonight. I will be attending only because of my father. She can burn the statues and curse the Gods, but I know what I believe and where my loyalties lie.

The comet was still burning bright red in the sky. I do not know much about comets, even less about ancient superstitions, but I did not need that knowledge to know that this comet I am looking at is a bad sign, a bad prediction. The color of it was more than enough; it is red, frightening blood red.

Death is a part of life, and it will catch us sooner or later. It's what you do before death comes. That is what counts. I plan on doing as much as I can. Support those I believe in, fight for what I want and protect what is already mine. And when I die, I will welcome death with open arms. I had my chance.

…

I was supposed to be preparing for the main festivities. I chose not to, deliberately. Tonight is the same night as any. Whatever my father does, I will be the same in the morning; therefore, I have no reason to celebrate.

I did bother showing up. Reluctantly, but I am at least going. I met with Father on the beach; I took his right side while Mother took the left.

The Red Woman was speaking. I have to admit, she is more terrifying in the fire light. She was yelling to Lord of the Light, cursing the seven Gods I still believe in. If what I do could be called believing.

I grew up with it. However, I was never a morally challenged and deeply spiritual person. But the Gods were there and I acknowledged them. In my mind, that was a better solution than joining Malisandre's spiritual cult. Few shared my opinion; even fewer those who are close to Father. Mother was bought by her from the start. Maester Cressen was speaking but my father decided not to hear. Davos, on the other hand, might not agree with the views of this new religion, but he would never defy my Father. Whatever Stannis Baratheon says, Davos Seaworth will do.

I cannot say if it is friendship or admiration. It certainly goes both ways, but in my opinion, Davos is still very much underappreciated. Out of all of my Father's men, I could only guarantee that Davos would never betray him. Quite appropriately, I would put my hand in fire.

The Seven were burning and people were chanting. A charging figure caught my eye, far away on the other side of one of the burning statues. It was Maester Cressen. He was late, but I am surprised he showed up at all. This is against his faith, and Melisandre has done nothing but mock him since she first showed up.

But it wasn't Maester Cressen that kept my attention away from the main event. It was Matthos.

A long time ago, when I was nothing more than a little girl, I have met Matthos Seaworth. I grew up next to him; we grew up together. Davos was no longer a smuggler, but a knight, and that made his son appropriate company for me, the little lady.

Oh, I was no lady. I was one of the boys. Of course, with my strict father, there was no chance of me not following the appropriate manners and courtesy, though I must admit, that never troubled me. I followed the rules, smiled and nodded and used the appropriate fork, but once I was free, I was free.

And Matthos was my partner in crime. My best friend as I was growing up. Of course, as it often does, my heart played tricks on me. Matthos left, Matthos returned, and we were no longer children, but almost grown adults. I cannot say if it was love, but I was never closer to it.

Yet, I did not follow through. Neither did Matthos. I am certain that my affections are returned; I was sure of it when Davos gave me a friendly warning and reminded that Matthos is probably not the best match for me. That gave it all away. Not only was I not the only one that felt something, but I was not the only one who did not forget of our customs and duties.

Matthos and I never stood a chance. We left it at that, remaining friends and nothing more, keeping our mouths shut and ignoring our hearts. It did not leave me, at least not yet, and that is exactly why he kept my attention now.

He was chanting after her, mesmerized, never allowing his eyes to move away from her. He was sold, bought, whatever it was. She has him in her long claws, just like she has my father. My father I understand. He needs hope, and she provides it, for the time being. But Matthos? Matthos is a young man, with his ideals unharmed and an open mind. While that provides an excuse for him, his curiosity leading him into this eastern religion, it still escapes me how did it come to this. He was always logical; with him it was always black or white. Out of the two of us, I was the one who wanted to, and often did see the color grey.

Now, the tables have turned. Oh, how they turned.

I am the one who is firmly holding onto my common sense, and he is gone. I can see it in his eyes. We do not need to make eye contact at all; that is what gives it away. Him not looking away from her for one second was proof enough.

I do not know how I will repair this damage, especially not while she is still her. But I will be damned if that Red Devil of a woman is what cost us a Kingdom and a family.

How I will do it, I do not know. I only have my resolve, and I can prey to the Gods that that will be enough. The problem is, which god do I pray to now?

As my father pulled out a flaming sword out of one of the statues, I knew it was almost too late already. Everyone kneeled. The last ones standing were him and Melisandre, as well as Davos, Maester Cressen, and myself.

Davos looked troubled, but he did kneel. And I knew I have to do it to.

Not looking away from Maester Cressen, I kneeled. He met my eyes, and he could understand what I was saying. He barely managed to get down, but he did kneel. Everyone else got up and started leaving the beach. Only Davos, Maester and I remained.

"This woman will lead him into a war he cannot win. Not without allies." Maester Cressen told us.

"Maester Cressen, we know that. But he does not listen." I said.

"Stannis is our King." Davos said. Ever so loyal, Davos Seaworth."We follow where he leads. Even if we don't like the path." He said. I couldn't have said better myself.

"He is surrounded by fools and fanatics. If you tell him the truth… he trusts you." Maester said, and I was not certain whether he was talking to Davos, myself, or to the both of us.

"What is the truth?" Davos asked. Now, that is quite a question.

I cannot say that I blame my father for buying into the story Melisandre sold him. He is weak, and he does not want to ask for help. He doesn't want to make peace and he doesn't want to be left with half a Kingdom. I understand those reasons, but unlike him, I see possible benefits.

I have decided to keep convincing him to join forces with someone, possibly the Starks, and I will keep on doing that. He will either break, or he won't, but my duties will be fulfilled.


	2. Chapter 2

**Oh, what the hell, you only live once! So far so good with this story. I hope you guys like it. Now, I won't be weak once again and I'll wait for more feedback. Honestly, I was bored and it's the weekend, and I know more of you read on the weekends. Besides, the first chapter was simply an intro. Anyways, I hope you like this chapter too. And a big thank you to Arianna Le Fay, who finds the time to review this story, and the other GOT fic of mine, To love and to fight! Thanks Arianna, it means a lot! :) I'll leave you to it. Enjoy :)**

…

…

…

I decided not to join the night's festivities. Unlike my father, his men and my mother, I did not see this night as a reason to celebrate.

Besides, there is not much good I can do with Mother or Melisandre lurking around. Even more so than my father, Melisandre has convinced my mother to turn to her religion wholeheartedly. That did not surprise me at all. My mother was not stupid, but she is not incredibly cleaver either. I look at her, and I can see that she has lost her mind, if she ever had it in the first place.

While he was always honorable and respectful towards her, father never loved her. He did not bother hiding it either. He is the kind of man who does not understand deceit, or dishonesty. And while they have a stable marriage, it was never a loving one. With my father's coldness and all those stillborns, my mother was lost even before I had a chance to truly meet her.

She was the shadow of a woman she was before, when I was growing up. She did care for me, but there is not a single mothering bone in her body. Eventually, I did turn out just fine, especially considering what I was born into; it was my little sister that troubled me.

Mother looked at her like she was a freak of nature; unworthy of the life handed to her. Ungrateful and all those sons that never lived could have done so much more than my sister, or even I ever could.

In more ways than one, I was Shireen's mother figure throughout her life. I was the one who made up a different story every night, I was the one who stayed up all night when she was down with a fever, I was the one trying to make her see that she is no different than me, or anyone else. I was her mother instead of her real one. Shireen is not as strong as I am, as she is still a child. She needed mother more than I ever did. And as my mother was acting the way she acted, I was Shireen's mother more than anyone.

Father loved here, there was no denying it. But his heart was still cold, and while he knew love, he was never good in affection. As I am similar to him, I understood that from the beginning. But Shireen did not, and I put it on myself to make that little girl smile.

She is my everything. I may be loyal to father, I may love him with all my heart but that love will never come close to the love I feel for Shireen. People may describe me as a quiet rebel, a father's daughter, a spitting image of Stannis Baratheon, but few will ever know just how far my love can reach.

There was no doubt for me, not tonight. While I had a chance to spend time with Shireen, I will not spend it drinking, listening to that vile woman and wasting my time trying to talk to father.

Soon enough, the girl appeared on my door, in her sleeping gown, ready for her story.

I know her well; I practically raised her. I knew, just by one look into her eyes, that mermaids and dragons will not be enough for tonight.

"Sophia?" She asked, interrupting me mid-sentence." May I ask you something?"

"Of course you may little one." I said. Hopefully, she will not ask too much. She is smart and bright, incredibly bright. As young as she is, just barely ten name days old, she can see a lot of what we do not want her to see. She knows of the war, she knows what is happening in the realm. It should come as no surprise that she noticed the power of that scary woman, as she calls her.

"Why was father lighting those statues tonight?" She asked. Of course, she did not disappoint.  
"He was not lighting them, my love. He simply pulled out a sword out of one of them." I said to her.

"Why?" She asked. I was just the same; always asking questions, always wanting to know more. I can imagine just how annoying I was at the time; it seems to me that I am more persistent than she is.

"It was a ritual. A prayer of sorts." I said, deciding that she deserves nothing but the truth.

"We never pray like that." She said, after a short pause. She was probably trying to remember when was the last time we gathered around flaming statues. No, we do not pray like that.

"We do now. Father chose to disregard the Gods. Both old and new. He believes in the Lord of the Light now." I said. Time will only tell just how fatal that might be for us.

"Do you believe in the Lord of the Light?" She asked, and I couldn't help but laugh. She knows me just as well as I know her, if not even better.

"No, I do not. But do not tell father." I said, and she giggled, happy that I was telling her a secret. Although, I doubt father is that oblivious to the fact that I do not believe in the prayers I say." To be honest, I did not believe much in the other Gods either. But I do prefer them." I said.

"Why?" She asked, once more.

"Because they are a tradition of sorts. While I did not believe in them much, they felt right. This new Lord, God, whatever the hell he is, he does not suit me. And I never believed much because… Well, if there truly are any Gods, righteous, whether old, new, on fire or in the water, why would they allow such vial things to happen? I believe there are no Gods Shireen. We have our destiny in our own hands. Any fortune or misfortune that may happen, we, people, folk, human beings are the one that caused it." I said. As soon as I stopped talking, I realized that I have probably said too much. She is young, too young to know what it feels like with the lack of faith. Hope as well. I cannot decide which I lack more.

"And what if this Lord of Light helps us?" She asked, and I shrugged.

"Again, I do not agree with most. If things do go well for us soon enough, many will thank this new God. And I will again say, it was our own fault. If you are not thanking the Gods when you are doing well, do not curse them when you are doing badly. That is a saying. And I, an unimportant girl, Sophia Baratheon, just one fish in a sea, say that you should rely only on yourself and those closest to you." I said.

"Then why is Father angry at Uncle Renly?" She asked.

"Because Renly made a bad choice. He might not see it now, but one day, he may regret it. Renly was wrong for turning his back to Father; he claims that what is not truly his belongs to him. Pride is a bad, bad thing Shireen, yet we all have it. Especially us, Baratheons. We're born with it, we die with it. We probably even die because of it." I told her. She can comprehend what I am saying; she is smarter than I was at her age. I'm just terrified on how well or bad will she take this whole situation. I was a quiet child, strong and vary. I lived through a war; I'll hopefully survive this one too. At least for Shireen.

"It does not make any sense when someone else tries to explain it to me. Father talks about battles, Mother tells me not to ask stupid questions, and Uncle Davos makes everything seem better than it is. You are the only one who tells me the truth." She said.

"No, Shireen, no one is lying to you. They just do not think you have the strength to handle it." I said.

"Do I?" She asked." Do I have that strength in me?"

"I believe you do. And, truth be told, I doubt anyone has too much strength in them these days." I told her. That is it for tonight. I do not want her having nightmares. They always troubled her, but I told her that there is a big chance we are going to lose this war, maybe even die. That causes bad dreams even for me. I cannot imagine what it does to her. "Now, will you let me finish the story or not?" I asked.

She fell asleep soon enough. That happens quite often, and I got used to sharing a bed with her. She needs someone when she waked up from her nightmares, and I barely sleep at all.

Ever since I was a child, I did not sleep much. I used to read a lot. The whole castle was asleep by the time I started reading. These days, I mostly just walk around my chambers, thinking.

My own mind has become my own worst enemy. I play out conversations in my head; imagine all the possible scenarios, good, bad, or even worse than that.

I am a tactician, like my Father. Unlike him, it does take me quite some time to reach a decision. He just decides, and he follows through. I, on the other hand, spend hours, days, contemplating everything, overthinking, torturing myself with it, before I finally make up my mind. But once I do that, I follow through, just like father does.

Like I said to Shireen, pride will be the end of us. If Father doesn't give in, only a little bit, we might as well pull back with the rebellion.

Is it truly a rebellion? To fight for what belongs to you?

And even more than that, does it truly belong to my Father, the throne? He is Robert's only legitimate heir, but Robert did not get that throne in the line of succession. He rebelled, and he won it. Not by himself, of course not. He did not win it alone, and he did not manage to keep it alone.

No one deserves that damned throne. Not one of these Kings, not even my father.

There used to be Seven Kingdoms. Why did anyone decide to change something that worked well? Why not have Seven Kingdoms once again? Leave King's Landing and that damned rock to the Lannisters. They can do whatever the hell they want, and we'll do the same with our Kingdom.

That was wishful thinking. All Kings need to agree on that, and none of them want's a damaged, small Kingdom. That is why I say, if one of them survives, just one of them, we should all rejoice.

I was sitting on the edge of the window; book in hand, when a knock on the door made me jump in surprise. I looked at Shireen, but she was sound asleep.

Who, for the love of Gods, could be knocking on my door at this hour? It is late, far too late, and that can only mean that something has happened. Possibly, something bad.

I walked over to the door, and I opened them without hesitation. It was Davos.

"My princess." He said, and I rolled my eyes. I have told him numerous times not to call me that. And when I was a Lady, I did not want him calling me like that either. For years, I have insisted on him calling me by my name, but he never listened to me. Or he'd try it, once, and unintentionally go back to courtesy. I nodded my heads towards the bed, and he could see Shireen sleeping there." We should go outside." He said, and I nodded.

I was not in my sleeping gown just yet, so I simply walked out of my chambers. I expected him to tell me what he has to right there, in front of the door, but he began walking down the hallway.

I followed him, confused, but not asking any questions.

Davos is one of the rare people I trust, no questions asked. I would trust him with my life, just as my father would. While I cannot compare him to father, Davos and I shared a special bond. He looked after me when I was a child, when my father was busy with more important things, and Davos was not away to do something on his behalf. I have never known a man grown that could handle playing with dolls as easily as Davos could. He was family.

Finally, we walked out on one of the terraces. Wind was blowing, carrying my long hair in every direction possible, but I knew he wanted to talk in private, and here, no one, absolutely no one could hear us.

"What has happened?" I asked him, raising my voice so that he could hear me over the wind.

"Maester Cressen is dead." He said. With hearing those words, my heart dropped.

Maester Cressen was family as well, at least to me. He's always been there, ever since I can remember. He thought me plenty of things from reading to cleaning a shallow wound, and he was a good adviser to father. As old as he was, he had seemed immortal in my eyes. But then again, so does everyone else I care for.

"How?" I asked. He had more years in him, or at least I thought. Pylos was helping him, waiting to take over his position, or as I would say, waiting for Maester to die. But he was a tough old man, with more determination than I could imagine. That is why this caught me by surprise.

"He tried to trick the Red Woman." Davos yelled." No one other than me had seen him do it, but he had poisoned the wine, and shared the cup with her. He was dead within seconds."

"And what of her?" I asked. Perhaps Maester Cressen did my father one last favor, one last council before his death? He knew that woman is evil, he told me that himself, and he tried to tell father too. But all he could see was a man defending his own faith. Of course, Maester was doing just that, but there was more to it.

"Nothing. Princess, I've seen it with my own two eyes." Davos said, and I took a deep breath." I do not know much. I do not know what she is, but I do know that nothing good will come of her." He said.

"He doesn't listen." I said. The wind slowed down, and we did not need to shout in order to hear one another." We have all tried. He is a man troubled, looking for a way out, a help. It is easier for him to believe in her words than to fight this himself. If the poison did not end her too, and father did nothing, I doubt there is anything we can do." I said. Gods know, we tried. Davos, Maester, even I. Now, Maester is dead. With both Davos and I following father blindly, the Red Woman is here to stay.

At least we question him. We see past her act, and yet, we still follow. I wonder if that is a good thing or not. Honorable and righteous, yes, but smart? I cannot be sure of that.

"Princess, that woman might be the end of your father." Davos said. As if I needed reminding.

"I'll pray that she is not." I said, even though Davos knew praying meant nothing to me. That was just an excuse, since there is nothing else we can do, not now.

"To which God?" Davos asked.

That sentence carried more meaning that I expected it to. Where do I stand?

Behind my father, that goes without saying. But I am more than just his daughter and heir. I am a person, with a mind of my own, as well as opinions. I'm smart enough to make my own conclusions, and I am not easily influenced. I never found father to be easily influenced either, but he only seems to hear her whispers, and not our shouts.

"I believe in a sword. In a spear, in a quill, in a tongue. Not in the Gods. We turn to them when we have no other solutions. Those Seven did not do anything for me, and neither will this Lord of the Light. Father might not see that, but I do." I said. I am no fool.

"What should we do now?" Davos asked. I had hoped he held an answer to that question.

"We wait." I said, with the shrug of my shoulders." We keep trying. We follow him, and if it comes to that, we do whatever is in our power to save him." I said, and I walked away, making my way back to my chambers, with Davos escorting me.

"You have always been smart, Princess." Davos said, and I couldn't help but smile.

"I have to blame you for that too." I said, and he smiled at me." It was never Mother and Father, especially not her. Other people played her part, and you were one of them. No matter how old I am, to me, you will always be Uncle Davos." I said, and to that, he shook his head.

"You know I am not your Uncle, princess." He said.

"Then I am not your princess." I said, and he shook his head." Respect the elder, I was taught. A King, a knight, a former smuggler, or a beggar. I treat everyone with respect. And that means, you are not my servant, you are not my father's right hand, but someone who told me stories throughout my childhood, and taught me how to swim against the tide, and how to fish properly. I may be a princess, and you may not be my blood, but you are my Uncle." I said.

"I know better than to argue with you, Princess." Davos said, and he made me roll my eyes yet again.

"Sophia. Only Sophia. I'll truly get angry if you call me Princess once more." I said, and I was not jesting him. It bothers me. I understand that I am a princess now, and I am fine with that, but I am not a princess to someone I consider family.

"Well then, good night Sophia." He said, and he kissed me on the forehead.

"Good night Uncle." I said, and I closed the door behind me.

Shireen was still fast asleep, completely unaware of the news that shook me, and that will shake her up as well, when I tell her come the morning. I wonder for how long can we keep her in the dark for some things. I am almost twenty name days old, and I can barely handle it.

We need to be strong for each other, because there is no chance anyone of us can make it through this alone. If only my father could see that too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! So far, so good. I won't bore you this time, you know the drill, you know what to do. Just another reminder that English is not my first language, and there might be a few mistakes, but I do my best. I hope you enjoy this chapter! Ana :)**

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As I expected, Shireen did not handle the news of Maester Cressen's death that well. She did not cry, to be fair, but I could see the sadness in her eyes from miles away. She spent a lot of time with that man, just as much as I did, if not even more. Shireen is more curious than I ever was at her age; she had more questions, especially for the old man. She retired to her chambers, and I was left with my thoughts.

This death was supposed to be that one drop that would fill the goblet and cause it to overspill. Yet, I do not see that happening. No one came to my door to tell me that the Red Woman has been exiled and that we are changing our tactics. Maester Cressen is dead, and he died for nothing.

Davos will watch his tongue, he has to. And I do not. I can say whatever I want, I can speak my mind without choosing my words, and the worst thing that could happen is anger. Father could only get angry at me. He would not send my away, he would not do me harm. And perhaps, when his anger disappears, he might go back to my words, and realizes that I have a point.

I hate going against him, and I do not do that until I am left with no other option. Maester Cressen is dead, and that woman is still breathing. I _am_ left with no other options.

I quickly got dressed, not bothering too much with my appearance. I am in a dress, with pants underneath. The mornings at Dragonstone are cold, and no one ever found my attire questionable, so I did the same as always. I did not bother wasting time on getting too presentable. I simply combed my hair, fast, and left it down. It was not black, as it usually is in the House Baratheon, but dark brown, the same as my mother's. It was close enough. One look at me, and no one would ever question my heritage, unlike that of the King in King's Landing.

There was no time for breakfast or for anything for that matter. I need to speak to Father, _now._

I made my way through all the halls and corridors, running up and down the flights of stairs. I know the whole castle by heart; I was ten name days old the last time I got lost up here.

People greeted me as I passed by, and I nodded my head to every one of them. Sometimes, I stop and have a chat with them. This time, I did not, and no one stopped me. I suppose it was obvious I was in a rush. The only person I did not want to run into was Mother, and I know the exact way I can do that. I know the long road, but I also know the shortcuts. And she barely leaves her chambers.

The guards at the front door let me pass without question. They opened both doors, and let me in.

Father was sitting behind the table, the one that was fashioned to look like the map of our land, of Westeros. His seat was where Dragonstone is sat.

He was neck deep in papers and maps, but he looked up when I walked in. I was just about to greet him when I saw, with the corner of my eye, something red. It was her dress. That woman was standing in the corner of the room, barely visible, almost as if she wanted to surprise me. And she right at me.

"Father, Lady Melisandre." I said, nodding my head twice.

"Princess Sophia." Melisandre said to me, nodding back. I now see that it was not Mother that I did not wish to encounter. It was this woman here. I should have known better.

"Sophia." Father said, putting away the papers in his hand." What can I do for you this early in the day?" He asked. I had no idea what time it was; I suspect it wasn't that early since I ran into half the castle servants on my way here. One more look at my father, and I could see how tired he was; he probably did not sleep at all last night. Melisandre, on the other hand, looked like she slept peacefully.

"I wish to speak to you, Father." I said, and he nodded. I cannot tell whether or not he really cannot see the issue I have with this situation, or if he is simply pretending." In private." I said, making clear what had bothered me. I would keep this conversation private even from Davos, let alone this woman.

"Leave us." He told her, looking back at the papers in front of him. She did not move. Father realized it to, as he looked up at her, quizzical, waiting either for an explanation or her exit.

"My King, whatever you wish to speak with your daughter, I can hear. You know you may trust me like no one." She said. Oh, this lady hasn't met me just yet.

"With all due respect, Lady Melisandre, you are not needed here. If I needed your presence, as well as my father's, I would have asked for it." I said, my voice straight and steady.

"You heard my daughter, you heard me as well. Leave." Father said, and this time, she listened.

I felt a strange sense of pride, even if this was an irrelevant situation. For once, just this once, I could be sure that someone was more important than her; someone had bigger power, someone was a priority. Perhaps there is more hope than I initially thought?

"What is it, Sophia? You know I have a war to plan." Father said. At least he was nice to me.

"I know, that is exactly why I am here." I said, as I took a seat on one of the chairs, the one that was across the table from him, the one seated behind Casterly Rock, seat of House Lannister." Father, I do not trust one word out of her mouth, and neither should you." I said.

"You're mother seems to trust her." He said, after a short period of silence. I raised my eyebrows?

"And would you trust my mother to make you battle plans?" I asked him. He may respect her, love her even, but she is not a leader, nor will she ever be. Father always lacked affection towards her, and the only excuse that made sense to me was that she is precisely that: an excuse. With saying that she trusts Melisandre, not only is he a supportive husband, but she should be the one to blame if everything fails.

"No, I would not. I am aware that your mother is not… stable, so to speak." He said.

"Father, it has been years since she was stable." I said. He hated when I interrupted him, I know that very well. That is why I did it. It was the perfect time. All I need to do is back up my words." I listen to what she is saying. I read the books as well. Truly, the Lord of the Light deserves all respect he can get." I said. I cannot attack all at once. I needed a war plan myself for this conversation.

"Yet, you do not believe in him?" He asked me. He is no idiot; it should come as no surprise to me to see that he had already noticed that my heart never was with this new God. Stannis Baratheon may not be a man who would hug you every night, but he is a man who knows his daughter, well.

"I do not." I said, deciding to be completely honest with him. Only with honesty on my side, do I stand a chance." They are all the same. The way you see your opponents, that is the way I see all those Gods. And I do not believe in any of them. All we do, we do on our own accord, and we suffer the consequences should they befall us." I told him. He was listening to my every word, and before he would respond, he'd take some time to truly think of the answer. That is one of those things I admire about him; he is never ashamed to be measured, or a tactician. And he is also very good at it.

"I respect that. While you do not believe in my God, you do believe in me?" He asked me.

"If I did not believe in you, I would not be sitting here." I said, and he nodded." Unfortunately, that does not mean I believe in victory as well." I said, planting the seed of doubt in his mind. It took a second for him to realize that something was not right, and that I was holding something back from him.

"Would you care to elaborate?" He asked. It is a fine line between bothering him, and trying to interest him in what I have to say. I almost just crossed that line, and I need to be more careful. I need his attention, and I need to get straight to the point.

"I will support you until my dying day. However, that does not mean that you will win." I explained.

"You believe I will fail?" He asked me. It is never easing telling someone that you believe they will fail. I have been on the other end, and I know that is not easy. Speaking the truth, in general, is a difficult task. Still, I would rather have trouble accepting the truth, than living blissfully unaware in a complete lie.

"If you keep up this way, yes." I said. Now, he rolled his eyes, realizing what is the point of all this." You cannot do it alone, and I am afraid you will realize that when it is too late." I said, being honest, for the thousandth time this morning. I wonder if he even acknowledges what I am telling him.

"I have told you before; I will not ally with thieves!" He said, and I could see his anger slowly boiling.

"And who is fighting for you? Sellswords, pirates, are they not thieves?" I asked him.

"They will not steal half the Kingdome away from me!" He yelled.

"What are we then?" I asked, raising my voice as well." If you are using honor as your weapon, than you should consider it in another way as well. Uncle Robert took the Kingdom from the Targaeryans, in a rebellion. He was a thief. You were a thief. And now, you will not join forces with someone else because you call them thieves, and once you fought on the same side." I said.

"I will never let Joffrey sit on that throne." Father said, and I shrugged my shoulders.

"Then don't. You are not the only one who does not like that sight. As for Renly, no one is expecting you to join forces with him. You will not yield, neither will he." I said, already knowing that one of them will die while hating the other one. It is sad to know that is what has become of our house, the noble House Baratheon, one of the eldest in the realm, and certainly one of the most respected.

"That leaves me with the Stark boy." Father said. We were sitting in silence, and my hope started rising when he did not disagree straight away." His father proclaimed me the rightful King." He said.

"And his father is dead." I said. It matters not what Eddard Stark thought of my father. Eddard Stark is long gone, and his son is the one leading the Northerners. We need to know what he thinks." Robb Stark is young and thirsty for revenge. He will take up the best offer. If we give him none, he will join forces with Renly. If he does that, we may order our statues for the crypts." I said, crossing my fingers under the table. I might not convince him straight away, but all I need is a benefit of a doubt. All I need is him to remind himself that all I do, I am doing for his and our best, as well as the best of our people. If he keeps his mind open, and I manage to keep Melisandre away from him, only for a little while, I might actually make some progress in this damned war.

"Instead of calling me to be his hand, Robert called Ned Stark." Father said, looking away from me, through the window on the side of the room." He always loved him like a brother. More than he ever loved me." He said, perhaps even unaware of what he was saying. He was miles, years, decades, away in his thoughts, before my time, when things were simpler and when there was only one king. Mad, he was, but he was the only one.

"Father, for how long will you do this?" I asked, and was met with a quizzical look from him." You let your childhood insecurities make you weak. You will not join forces with Robb Stark because his father was the one your brother chose over you. No matter that Ned Stark is dead, and you are breathing. Robb Stark has an army. How many horses do we have? How many people, swords, horses and soldiers does the Lord of the Light have? Does he have any fleets?" I asked him.

We have many things to offer, but I believe there is only one thing we have that the Stark's do not.

We have ships, and men who know how to use them.

The Starks were desperate enough to send their old warden back to his father, Ballon Greyjoy, and ask for an alliance. That did not end up well for House Stark. Winterfell, their house seat was destroyed, they have lost a friend, and there is no word from the two youngest Starks.

It has been a difficult year for all of us. If we make an agreement and we respect it, follow it, together, we might be able to carry each other out of this mess someday.

"Do you mind telling me the reason why you keep insisting on an alliance with House Stark?" He asked. His question caught me by surprise. While I was vocal about trying to ally with the Northerners, I did not have any special reason for that; mainly convenience." Ever since we started this war, not a day passed by without you, trying to convince me to approach that boy." He said.

"Father, what do you wish to hear from me?" I asked him, not bothering to hide my confusion." All I think of these days is this war we're leading. Ever since you received that letter, I thought about nothing else. I cannot sleep at night, my mind does not rest. And you refuse to believe that we cannot make it on our own. We cannot. If we try, we will all die trying. Death does not scare me, but doing so will make it easier for the Lannisters to kill off our damned line! Joffrey is an impostor; he is the one robbing you of something that belongs to you. Renly betrayed you like no one before. Tell me Father, do we even have an option other than the Starks?"I asked him. It almost felt like I was the parent, and he was the child.

This war brought up some hidden emotions from my father, and he did become a child he once was. By all means, I was the one more mature now. I did not try and convince him to ally with the Northerners because it was my idea, and I think that it's the best. I tried because I have spent hours, perhaps even days, thinking of a better solution and coming up with absolutely nothing.

I am at a loss. If this now does not work, I do not know what is there left for me to do at all.

"In that case, would we have enough man power?" He asked, and I smiled.

"You tell me."I said, and he smiled back. Thankfully, he was not insulted. We do not usually jest, or make jokes. It is always formal between the two of us, but we have more than respect. I love him, and during the years, he had proven a thousand times that he loves me too. Perhaps, there could have been some sort of improvement, if he was not the type of man to hide his emotions. Now, there is no way of knowing.

"He has men. After the Greyjoy's betrayed him, he does not have a fleet."Father said.

"And we do." I said, and I shrugged." How appropriate." I said, and father raised his eyebrows. Perhaps it was too early in the day for my sarcasm." Father, approach him. Offer him something."I said.

"What? Half of the Kingdome that is mine by right?" He asked.

"Half of Kingdome is better than no Kingdome at all, and I am afraid Renly is aware of that." I said. If he is going to listen to my advice, he needs to do it soon." Approach him. Offer him the North. Give them their freedom and work together. Be allies. Give him his revenge. He will bear in mind that his father chose not to flee King's Landing with Renly, but informed you instead. Give him more than Renly would give him. Just give."

"I must know what he wants, for a start." He said.

"Then let us find out. Send me!" I suggested, although I know he will not agree to that one easily."Send some men with me, and let me speak to them on your behalf."I suggested.

"You will not walk into his war camp, not with all the men we have on our side."He said, as I have suspected." I shall think about it. Sophia, I will." He said, as he could see my disapproval." You may very well be right about this. I need some time."

In all honesty, I had hoped for this. However, I did not expect it to happen, at least not as fast as it did. He only promised to consider it, but that is enough for me. I know him, very well. Reasonable doubt is enough to make him see clearly. If I have fulfilled my task as well as I think I have, not even Melisandre or mother would be able to change his mind.

We need someone on our side, and House Stark is by far our best option.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey there guys, just a regular author's note. Thank you all for reading, following and especially to those of you who reviewed. If you like this new chapter, you all know what to do. Enjoy :)**

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Father needed time, and that was more than understandable. On the other hand, I, I did not need any time at all. All I could think about is that it might already be too late for us to do anything.

If I were avenging my Father, I wouldn't waste my time on anything. That is exactly why I wonder if Robb Stark will even bother considering us. It is known across the realm that Renly is the friendlier brother. It would not matter to the Stark's if he's the rightful heir or not; if he can help them, they will join him.

Time is a luxury we do not have. Sadly, I cannot keep reminding Father of that; if I do, he will lose his patience, and Gods only know what he will decide then. If he is taking his time, I can only pray that he does not take too much of it. And again, the question comes up. Who do I even pray to anymore?

It has been a day since our talk, and I was desperately trying to occupy myself, to avoid thinking about the subject more than necessary. I did it all; I put Shireen to sleep every night, I read books, I even overseen the construction on the south wall of the castle. Sadly, I was not needed there anymore, and this morning, I realized that I had run out of things I can use to occupy myself while I wait for Father's decision.

If I read any more, my head will go in wildfire flames. Ever since I learned how to read, I spent half the day with a book in my hands. The fact that I cannot do now was very unsettling to me, but I am low on patience, too low to even question it.

Shireen is in her lessons, so I cannot use her as a temporary distraction. The only other person whose company I would even remotely enjoy is Davos.

I got dressed quickly, knowing that I was not going to find him in the castle. With my furs wrapped around me, I made my way through the castle, using every possible shortcut I could think of.

Before I knew it, I was out in the wind, making my way towards the beach.

It is true what they say; the long summer is over. Dragonstone was never particularly warm, but the weather is colder now than I can remember. I was not born in the long summer, but I do not remember what it was like before; I was too young. As someone who is not that prone to complaining, this was yet another change I had to get used to. At least I will keep this to myself.

I was positive that I was going to find Davos at the docks. It never even crossed my mind that he might be speaking with Father, not until I was already at the docks, and he was nowhere to be seen.

I nodded to people who greeted me, but I was in a rush, again. No wonder people say that I can be as cold as my Father. I am friendlier than he ever was, but I have my moments, and I am having one today.

All over the realm, they say I am pretty, but not pretty enough. I'm friendly, but not friendly enough. I am my Father's daughter, too much for my own good. If I were one of those simple minded ladies, whose only concern is what people are saying, I would be troubled by it. I am nowhere near a simple minded lady, and I do not give a damn about what people say. They can talk about me as much as they like; the ones that need to know who I truly am, they know it. For others, I truly do not care.

My quest to find Davos continued; if he is not here, he might be somewhere along the beach. I'll keep my distance from the water, and I'll walk around the whole island if I must.

Every day, every day for years, I stare at the castle we live in, and it never ceases to amaze me. I am too young; I did not get a chance to see much. It was incomparable to the one other true castle I'd seen, the Red Keep, but the two could not have been more different. Dragonston is the home of true kings, now and before, when the Targearyans were the most respected House in the realm. Red Keep is the home of imposters and liars. Dragonstone was build to protect, to offer a roof over our heads and to intimidate from afar, and the Red Keep was colorful, noticeable, made for admiration, not intimidation.

I look at something, for instance, the castle before me, and I wonder, _how_? How did they do that? With the tide, and the soil, sand, rocks all around, I never would have imagined a castle sitting in the middle of it all, on a tall cliff, with nothing between it and the blue monster that is the sea that surrounds us.

The gargoyles were as intimidating as ever; I never liked them when I was a child, which cannot be said for Shireen. She sees the beauty of them, and I simply see a hideous beast made out of stone. Why gargoyles? Why not dragons? It would have made more sense. Nothing is more useless than trying to understand something that has been done in the past, questioning something or someone.

On the other side of the walls, they are dragons everywhere. Every room, at least every room I have ever entered, has a statue of a dragon, or a dragon carved into the stone, like the wall in my chambers. Every little part of the castle was a reminder that this is not our true home. Dragonstone does not belong to us, nor will it ever.

"Princess!" Someone yelled, and it took me a moment to realize that someone was calling me. When I turned around, I could see someone running to catch up with me. As soon as he was closer, I could see that it was Matthos. I smiled at him, and rolled my eyes as well.

"You and that father of yours. I have told you both, countless times, call me by my name. Call me by the name my parents gave me, not by some stupid title." I said. Matthos was going to be an even bigger challenge. He never sees me as someone who is the same as him. Never. He is just barely older than I am, we are both young, and in my eyes, we truly are the same. But not in his. He never seems to forget that he is only a knight's son, and I am a King's daughter.

"That would be disrespectful." He said. Even now, after all these years, I am still uncertain on whether or not he sees me as a friend, or as a lady daughter of the man he serves.

"And I say, I find this more disrespectful than anything." I said." Call me by my name, or I will play the part of a princess, and have your head on a spike." I said, and to my relief, he laughed at that.

"We both know you never would be able to do that to my father, Sophia." He said.

"There we go, Sophia." I said, happy that he chose to do it my way." And you are correct. I could never do that to your lord Father. Davos is family, and so are you." I said, giving him a kind smile.

My emotions started changing once again, faster than I could ever imagine. The uncertainty of what Matthos means to me was cornering me, and it was difficult for me to act normal. And I never was the one that was easily affected.

There is something about him; something I could never name, something I could never identify. He is not overly attractive, nor is he known for his looks. A simple man passed his twentieth name day. He has that strength in him, the energy that simply draws me to him. Matthos Seaworh is an average man, but he was more than average to me.

Still, I knew very well it could never be anything more than an infatuation. Even if I were ready to risk everything, he never would have done the same. Besides, it all changed when my father stood up and called himself the one true King.

"Mind if I join you?" Matthos asked, and I laughed.

"As long as I am Sophia, and not Princess, not at all." I said. He smiled at me, and we continued walking." I am looking for your father actually. Do you happen to know where he is?"I asked.

"The King called him." Matthos said. How did I not think of that as soon as I decided that I was in need of Davos's company?" There are some urgent matters they needed to discuss." Matthos added. Hopefully, they are currently, at this very moment, discussing about a possible alliance with the North.

"Hm." I hummed. That was all I could say. Talking to Matthos and confiding in him was a double edged sword these days. I cannot know for certain that what I say to him will remain between the two of us. His infatuation with Melisandre was obvious. I cannot tell if what I feel about that is worry, or plain jealousy. Perhaps it was the two combined." Hopefully, we will hear some good news." I said, deciding that that was safe to say. If he decides to question me, I will play the Princess act, since he seems to stick to it as well.

"Do you still believe an alliance is needed?" he asked. Well, at least he asked me straight up.

"I know it is needed." I said. To me, that was the end of discussion. He does not need to know my reasons, and I am not going to tell them." As always, it is his decision ultimately. All I know is that your father shares my opinion, and for now, that is enough."

If he chooses not to listen to me, perhaps he will listen to his most trusted advisor.

"When your Father wins what he deserves, you will end up being a Queen someday." He said. With that, he just reminded me of the subject I was adamant in avoiding.

"If he wins." I corrected him. The fact that we all follow my Father blindly does not make it certain that we will follow him into victory. We could just as easily follow him to defeat." And if he does, that does not make it certain that I will be Queen." I said.

My mother cannot bear any children, not anymore. She had two daughters, and seven stillborn sons. We all lost count of the miscarriages. And Father does not believe in marrying another. While he might not love my mother, he would never dishonor her in such a way.

Even if he will have no more heirs, that does not make me Queen in the future. I might die before ever having a chance to put a crown on my head. I would prefer that in a slightly different situation. But in this situation, that would put Shireen in the place of a Queen, and I want that even less for her than I want it for me.

"It will probably happen, Sophia." Matthos said. No matter what I say, I cannot shut him up." You grew up. Soon enough, you will be married, with children of your own." He said.

"Matthos, please. You know I do not want that." I said.

"You do not want a family of your own?" He asked.

"Yes, I do. But with someone of my own choosing. Not someone I marry simply because someone tells me to do that. And we both know that will happen." I said. My heart aches, but there is nothing I can do." I will do as I am told, I will marry whoever I have to, but that does not mean my heart wishes to do that as well."

I have said too much, I could tell that by the look in his eyes. He knows it. I can see it now. He knows it. Perhaps, he feels the same way as well, but that does not change a thing.

I will marry someone my father chooses for me. It will probably be someone twice my age, someone from a good house, with money and men, and a thirst for ruling. That is the way it is supposed to be.

Ever since I was old enough to realize the way this Kingdom works, I knew that was going to happen. If Renly has no children, Shireen and I are the last of the Baratheons. And both of us will marry into another house, change our names and become someone else. Unless I become Queen. My name might change, but I will still be known as a Baratheon.

For years, I have been preparing myself for this. It is expected of me to marry someone that makes a good match, and not someone my heart chose. I could feel love for Matthos as much as I'd like, but I know I will never be his. Not by name, not in his arms.

Father should have married me off already. Most girls my age are already on their second child, and I am still a maiden, waiting for that match. Even though I am known all over Westeros as cold hearted, there were offers. And for reasons unknown to me, Father rejected them all. I never questioned, as his decision was more than fine by me. He will not give me a choice, not because he doesn't want to, but because we need to use me, my future marriage, as something that could benefit us.

If I marry Matthos, it would not help us in any way. If I marry some rich lord, it might be our rescue.

"Sophia." He said, and all I could think of was how I am frightened of what I will hear next from him." It can never happen."

Of course, he knows. He probably knew all along, even before I did. Was I truly that transparent?

"I am aware of that, thank you." I said. I did not try and hide the fact that I was embarrassed. I could not look him in the eyes, and I'm positive my cheeks look as red as they feel. The silence between us was almost unbearable.

"If it were up to me, it would have been different." He said, and this time, he caught me by surprise. I was not the only one who felt something. When I looked at him, he looked almost as if he was saddened by the fact that we could never be more than we are now." I wish I was born as someone other than a smuggler's son." He said. Before I was aware of my own moments, I grabbed him by the hand.

"Do not ever say that."I said, and even to myself, I sounded frightening. One thing had always bothered me about Matthos, ever since I was old enough to understand. He was ashamed of his father's past. While I know that Davos is not exactly proud of it himself, it hurt me deeply to know he was ashamed of the man his father used to be. He was a smuggler, and that was wrong, but I am positive he was a good person, just like he is now. And Davos truly is one of a kind.

"It does not matter." He said, letting go of my hand." It will never change."

I am angry. I am angry at him, for not fighting for me, for giving up as easily as he just did. I am angry at all of the Gods, Old, New, R'hllor, each and every one of them. I am angry at myself, for not vocalizing my feelings before. I am angry at Father, for not letting me have a choice. And more than anything, I am angry at whoever decided I was to be born a Lady, Princess, perhaps even a Queen, and not a simple girl that I truly am. Underneath it all, I am as same as everybody else. Yet, I am reminded, every day, that I cannot be just as same as anyone else.

"Matthos, if I asked you to do something, would you do it?" I asked him.

"Of course I would." He said.

"Kiss me." I said. We were alone, and I am positive that no one could see us. Even if they could, it does not change a damned thing for me. I wanted him to do it.

"Sophia, please." He said, after the initial shock and uncertainty on whether or not he heard me well.

"Matthos, I am serious. If you do not want to, I understand, I respect that, and in that case, I do not expect you to do it. But if that is the truth, than look me in the eyes, and tell me that you do not want to do it. Tell me that I am the only one who has felt something, and has been feeling something for all these years. If that is the case, than tell me." I said. This time, I was not going to give up that easy. He kept staring blankly at me, but he could not say it to me. He couldn't say a single word." One day, perhaps sooner than I would like, I will marry someone. Someone I do not know, let alone someone I love. And we… we know it is not possible. No matter how much we would want it, you will never hold me in your arms; I will never carry your children, or your name. The man that marries me, he will have it all. I will not let him have this. I will be damned if I let someone else kiss me, and not the one my heart picked out years ago." I said. When I want to, I can be convincing. And I truly want this. I will never be his, not in any shape of form, but we can have this. No one other than us will know, no one could tell.

I was starting to wonder whether I was convincing at all when it happened.

He pulled me closer to him, his hands on my back and he pressed his lips on mine.

I have never kissed a man before, not like this. All I knew was what I saw with my own two eyes, but all of that had fallen into water.

My lips were moving on their own accord, I was moving at my own accord. I did not think about it at all, I just did what I wanted to do. It felt right, and that is all that matters to me.

It took him a while to pull away from me, and once he did, all I wanted was for it to occur again. I did not want him to let me go, not now, not ever. But he had to.

"We have only made things more difficult than they were." He said, but I shook my head.

"No, we did not. Even if we did, I needed this. I could not live not knowing the truth. This is all I can take." I said. I understand what he means; it feels even worse than it did before. But if he had not kissed me, I would have wondered, probably for the rest of my life. I will have plenty of regrets I will need to live with, but I will not live with this one. I will never, never regret this. Even if I grow to love the man I marry, I will always know that my first kiss, that the first taste of my lips, belongs to someone I chose, and someone who truly deserves it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, me again. I decided to post this chapter because the last one was pretty much a filler. I like the way this story's going, and I thank you all for reading! While I will still focus mostly on Sophia and her everyday dynamics with the people close to her, soon enough, I'll be introducing other characters. I kind of wanted to portray in detail her life at home, so you could see the change once she eventually leaves. I hope I've done a good job so far. Anyways, expect a new update soon, and I hope you like this one!**

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I do not regret doing what I did. I wonder, what the hell was I thinking, but I am not regretting it. If Matthos and I didn't share that moment, that one moment, I would wonder, probably for as long as I would live, whether or not there was something between us.

By doing what we did, we scarred that kiss on us, forever. It will follow me, and it will probably be impossible to forget. I can only keep telling myself that that was for the best, and that I did not cause us even more pain by suggesting the kiss in the first place.

I wish that was my biggest problem, I truly do. Unfortunately, it cannot be compared with the rest of my worries.

I do not know what Father is planning. As far as I know, he is locked up in that room with Davos, and he said nothing to no one. At least he is not locked in there with Melisandre. This way, I may have something to look forward to. That is, if they are looking for an alliance as well.

I expected someone to come to my chambers, and summon me to speak to Father, but that did not happen. I was about to lose all hope, and prepare myself for sleep, when there was a knock on the door. I was surprised to find it was one of the servants, and not Shireen, wanting a story.

"What is it Rod?" I asked the boy, who is, perhaps, one or two years younger than I am.

"Your Lord Father has summoned you, Princess." He said. It was one thing to make Davos and Matthos call me by my name, this was another story. I knew the rest of the people could never do that, so I never even bothered trying. To some, I will be nothing more than a princess.

"Thank you, Rod." I said, and he knew it was his time to leave. After all, I can move around the castle on my own, as I did, ever since I arrived here.

I did not waste a single moment, but went to his study at once. It is decision time, and whatever his decision is, I am going to hear it, probably first. Or second, considering Davos was counseling him for half a day, if not even longer. Hopefully, he managed to convince him.

They were in the room alone, as I suspected.

"Father. Ser Davos." I said, respecting the elders, as I was taught.

"Sophia, please sit." Father said, and I listened to him, sitting across the table from the two of them." I have decided to send Davos in my stead, to speak to Robb Stark, and offer him our alliance." He said. I barely managed to hold back a smile.

"I am very pleased to hear that Father." I said." What will you offer him?" I asked.

"Help. And a big part of a Kingdom that is mine by right." He said. Leave the North to the Northerners. They will keep it well enough, I am sure of it. It is better to rule in peace, than in this chaos.

"Do you believe he will accept your terms?" I asked.

"If he does, he will be joining Davos on his return, so that we could speak of the alliance in detail. Davos is set to leave in the morning." He said. I wish I could go in his stead, even though I understand why Father would never allow it. That would be like giving me away to be held hostage. The Stark's honor may be a well-known trait, but we are living in the time of war. No one has that much honor.

"I truly hope you reach an agreement. Ser Davos, I wish you a safe trip." I said. If anyone can convince them, that is Davos. He is more convincing than father, and if Davos is good with something, that is ships and words. He may very well be illiterate, but that does not harm his intelligence, not in any way.

"And I thank you, princess." He said.

"Sophia, that is not the only news I had to give you." Father said, and I waited." Renly is dead." He said.

That was not what I had expected to hear. Renly is dead. My uncle, my only uncle, is dead. He may be a traitor, but even then, he was family. To this second, I was hoping for his change of heart.

"How?" I asked, barely managing to speak. Not only am I shock, but I am saddened. I did not show it now, not in front of Father. I will have time to grieve for him. "When?"

"He was killed the night before. It is said that he was assassinated by a shadow." He said.

I almost asked him to repeat what he said, not quite believing that I heard him right. A shadow? Just as I was about to ask him, it dawned on me. This is her work. It cannot be anyone else. And judging by the look on my father's face, he knew of it. I cannot say for certain whether or not he planned it, but he knew of it. I have seen that woman do strange things, and I have heard of her doing things that were even stranger. A shadow, they say?

"May I be excused, father?" I asked, and I could see his look of surprise. I cannot look at him, not now, not when I see him as nothing more than a kinslayer." I do not feel well. If you have told me all that I needed to hear, I would like to retreat to my chambers." I said. I could not look at Davos, knowing that his look would be the silent confirmation I do not need.

"Very well. We shall speak on the morrow." He said. With a bow of my head, I turned around, and left the room.

I do not cry often. In fact, I cry very rarely. Almost never. And even when I do, under no circumstances do I cry in front of other people. I know myself, I have a great amount of self-control, and usually, I can keep my emotions looked. But not now. Never before have I had such an urge to cry, to scream, to break everything in my sight. That is why I ran to my chambers, knowing that I will be able to let my emotions out only when I am truly alone.

I cannot tell what saddens me more, the fact that Renly is dead, or that his own brother, my father, had a say in it.

Renly was a traitor, and I wanted to see him defeated, but I never wanted to see him dead, especially not by the hand of Stannis Baratheon. Our House is almost gone. All that is left is Father, and his two daughters, none of which will have a child to carry our name. When I, and Shireen after me, marry, House Baratheon will be gone, gone for good.

And Renly? Memories came flooding in, all of those I chose to forget when I first found out he proclaimed himself King. Suddenly, I could remember playing with him, growing up with him, spending countless nights simply talking, in the garden of the Red Keep. I remember him giving me presents, teasing me about my nature. He was more than an uncle to me. He was a friend, and he was an uncle for him and Robert both.

Even though I felt slight guilt for doing so, I cried. I cried for my uncle, like I have never cried before.

If Father had defeated him in battle, I wouldn't say a thing. But killing him like this, with a shadow of sorts, with magic and help of that vile, vile woman? I might not say it to his face, but this? I will never forgive him for this. He had fallen in my eyes, and he had never fallen before.

At least I have something to look forward to. Now that he is sending Davos on his behalf, and that Renly is no longer an option, we might have a chance of winning this war.

Only, now I start to wonder do we even deserve that.

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It has been a week since Davos left. If he sent a raven, no one told me about it. On the other hand, he was on this journey by himself, and there was no possibility at all that he would be able to write a letter. Perhaps, if he were lucky enough to come across an inn, but I doubt it. He is too smart to fall into a trap that easily; he would probably avoid the main roads. And even if he were to come across someone who can write for him, it is highly unlikely that he would risk telling him anything of our war plans. It is frightening for me to know how little that would harm us. With Renly dead, and his army divided, I doubt anyone is keeping a close look on Father and his army.

Renly's widow, Margaery Tyrell, as well is the rest of her family, joined the Lannister. Margaery was his wife, and her brother, Loras, was Renly's closest friend. It is safe to say that I was surprised with this turn of events. I did not expect them to join us, but what I expected even less was for them to join the Lannisters. The only logical explanation was that they did it to save themselves. Joining Renly made them traitors, and they obviously did not see Father as a safe bet. The best they could do was run to King's Landing and kneel.

Father avoided me. No, it was not avoiding. He simply did not summon me to speak with him, and I did not do it on my own accord either. It is not a surprise to me that he understands that it is better for him to stay away from me for a little while.

He knows me too well.

I still could not justify his actions, no matter how hard I tried. And I tried really hard.

There should be a limit one cannot cross. I use those limits, or rules, every day. No matter the situation, no matter how desperate I am, or how betrayed I feel, I would never, _never,_ harm my family. If Shireen was to take a bow and use it to make a needle cushion out of me, I could never harm her, in any way. And my Father murdered his own brother.

It seems to me that I might have overestimated my own power over him. Apparently, Melissandre is more trustworthy to him than I am.

I cannot understand, comprehend, see, how desperate he was to do what he did. It is simply easier to me to pretend like it never happened in the first place. As I promised to myself, I will never forget what he did, but for the time being, I imagine it would be easier to look at him, and say to myself that Renly was safe and sound, somewhere far away from here.

At least we might have a helping hand from the Stark's. If Father is smart enough to conceal his former jealousy towards Eddard Stark's and Uncle Roberts friendship, he might just be appealing enough for them to join our cause. Honestly, they do not have many options at this point. The whole realm is divided on three sides now: the Starks, the Lannisters and the Baratheons. They simply have no one other than us, and neither we nor they could win this war on our own.

I swear, if the Targaryen girl comes charging here with her dragons, I'll join her! Slowly, but surely, by each passing day, everything is only getting more and more complicated. I can only sit and wait, and wonder how long it will take for me to lose my mind completely.

Shireen needs to be a distraction of sorts to me now. I believe she is aware of that herself, and she is not complaining. It is not as if I am keeping her company at all times because I have nothing better to do. I do that because I want to, and because Shireen always so many questions, for everything. I have never met a more curious child. I'm always happy to oblige, especially today.

"Do you think Ser Davos will convince the King in the North to join us?" She asked me as we were walking through one of the many, many corridors of the castle. As always, we did not have a goal, a final destination. We were simply aimlessly walking.

"I cannot tell Shireen." I told her, choosing the truth once again." I can only hope that he does."

"But why wouldn't he join Father?" She asked. Now, the only dilemma was whether to give her the long story, or the short version of it.

"In all honesty, there are many reasons he wouldn't want to join us. First of all, I believe he considered Uncle Renly an option, and not Father. If we do join causes, it will be purely because none of us have a better option. Which brings me to the biggest reason why he wouldn't want to join us, and it is the same reason Father did not wish for this alliance in the first place. No one wants a damaged Kingdom. If he can have it all, why would he settle for half?"

"They would have to settle for a damaged Kingdom?" She asked.

"Well, yes. You cannot have two Kings, not of the same Kingdom. I find it highly unlikely that either one of them would step down. The only other solution is to divide the land." I explained.

"Half of Kingdome is better than having no Kingdome at all, isn't it?" She asked me.

"That is exactly what I have been telling Father. It would appear that he finally heard me." I said, with a small smile. I wish I felt victorious because of it, but I did not have the strength. The only feeling I can master now is relief, and it seems to go too soon every time I feel it.

"Is there no other way?" She asked.

"Not if they both want to win, no." I said." Men, my love. Men are the ones who make it more complicated than it should be. If I were the leader instead of Father, and if Lady Stark was the leader instead of her son, believe me, this would all be over a long time ago." I said. While I truly believe that myself and Lady Stark would be more likely to make an alliance, I do not fool myself with thinking that it would be easy. I can see it on Father. Ruling is not easy, not one slightest bit. Not even in the time of peace, let alone in this chaos that we live in at the moment. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy, and yet, I wish it for my Father. As days go by, I cannot help but think that he bit off more than he could chew. He may very well be smart, capable and a natural leader, but that does not make him a good King. In the past, all of them had their own personal battles, their trials and tribulations.

While that may make me weak, I would never rule. I would turn my back to the throne, and mind my own business. Perhaps I would join the side I believe in, but I would never wish for the highest prize. That is precisely why I am not entirely comfortable with being Father's heir. My capability, existent or not, has nothing to do with it. I simply do not want that for myself.

"Do you think Father will win?" Shireen asked me, and the question was like a dagger to my heart. What do I tell her? That I have my doubts? That I am not even sure he deserves the title anymore, as he had turned himself into a kinslayer? If I feel disappointment in him, it does not mean that his other child should feel disappointed in him as well.

"If the Stark's join us, perhaps. Like I said, my love. We can only hope." I told her, keeping all my other thoughts to myself.

No one knows, no one can even guess, how this all will end. And hope is running low.


	6. Chapter 6

Ever since I was a little girl, I had a strong distaste in gowns, dresses, anything that ends with a skirt at the bottom. I had no explanation for it; that is simply the way it is. I wore them when I had to, for special occasions, feasts and whenever I got tired of Mother complaining about it. When I was little, I was a lively child, much more lively than Shireen is. I would spend my days riding horses, practicing archery or even sword fighting, and I would spend my nights reading as many books as I could get my hands on. I spent my days in soaked breeches and dirty tunics.

It did change a little bit once I grew up, and got more self-conscious. While I still did not enjoy wearing gowns at all times, I would occasionally feel the need to look more feminine.

I felt that need now, and I could not explain why. In all honesty, I do not need an explanation. I simply felt like wearing a dress.

Now that I am looking at my reflection, bending over and trying to make the dress stand in one place, I was not so sure it was a good idea. Most of the time, I looked average, at best. Now, I looked like an average castle fool in a long, green tunic.

I admire women who look so effortless while simply walking. As much as she frightens me, I admired Melisandre for her careless walk, and her talent to act normal, yet look terrifying.

I can only try. With my constant frown, I may as well just give up. Then again, I have no goal. So I just might as well act normal, and stop fussing around something as irrelevant as this is.

It is not like I have nothing better to think about.

There was still no word from Davos, and by now, we all started to worry. Father said nothing, and neither did I, but I could see the lines on his forehead getting deeper and deeper by the day. Matthos told me he knew nothing, the one time he did not manage to successfully avoid me. It was ridiculos to believe that nothing will change between the two of us. Doing what I did, I changed it all. Now, I was the one who pretended like it never happened, and he did the same, only he was hiding from me whenever he had the opportunity.

If I am a princess, which I am, if I am my Father's heir, which I also am, I must learn to priorities my troubles. My childish insecurities about Mathos are irrelevant, especially compared to the danger that is ahead of us. That is why I will not pay any attention to it no more.

I need to take in as much as I can, learn while I still have a chance. That all starts by being informed of the current situation. And if that means I will bore my Father to death with questions, then so be it.

He was not alone when I entered the council room. Sadly, he was not with Melisandre. Her, I could handle, despite everything. My Mother, on the other hand, was someone whose company I avoided as much as I could, whenever I had a chance to do so.

While I understand her troubles, I believe that that does not justify her behavior in any way. That woman is lost, gullible and from what I could tell throughout the years, incredibly selfish.

"Father. Mother." I said as I bowed to both of them.

"Speak, Sophia." Father said, knowing I did not join them because I was bored with my everyday obligations and duties.

"I wondered if you have heard anything from Ser Davos." I said." Time has passed, and I know nothing of him, or the alliance he has been sent to make."

"We know nothing either." Mother said, her tone reflecting the dislike she held for me. I do not believe that she hates me, as I do not hate her. We never saw eye to eye, and I was never afraid to say that out loud. She saw that as rebellion, and I saw it as free will.

"The girl wants to know, Selyse." Father said, sending Mother a strict look. He favored me over her, and he never bothered hiding it. I suspect that is just another reason why I am not in Selyse Baratheon's good books." Your mother is right, Sophia. I have not heard a word from Davos since he left Dragonstone." He said, his voice kinder now that he was speaking directly to me.

"Do you believe he is yet to reach his destination?" I asked, as I do not know for certain just how far is the Stark's war camp located. As far as I know, Davos may be riding all the way to the Riverlands!

"By all accounts, he should have already reached Robb Stark's war camp, if all went well along the way." He said. That is to say, if someone hadn't killed Davos on his way." However, we cannot tell how long will he stay there. It may take days for the Starks to make a decision. One thing is certain, and that is that it will probably be days before we hear any kind of news." Father said.

It is terrifying to know that it all depends on one boy. Or, one man. Robb Stark is probably holding our destiny in his hands, and I am not sure if he even knows it. Or if it is better that he doesn't?

"Do you believe it will be successful?" I asked him.

"I hope." Father said." I went from not wanting an alliance at all to hoping that this one will happen. Who is the one to be blamed for that?" He asked, and even though he did not smile with his lips, I knew he was smiling with his eyes. I do not feel guilty about it, not one slightest bit.

"It was wrong to begin with." Mother said, before I even had a chance to speak for myself. Both Father and I looked at her." A true and rightful King shouldn't have to share his Kingdome with a boy barely a man grown who calls himself King!" She said.

"Selyse!" Father snapped at her, and she looked at him in surprise." Stop it, this instant. I am the true and rightful King of Westeros. And as our eldest child, our eldest daughter, Sophia is my heir. She will be Queen someday. Perhaps it is time you start treating her with the respect she deserves." He said. I was as surprised with his words as Mother was. Usually, I was the one fending for myself.

"I am her mother!" She said, every word sharp and angry.

"Then start acting like one." Father said, and he turned to me. With that, the discussion is over." As soon as I have news, I will inform you of them. Now please leave us. Your Mother and I have topics to discus." He said. Whatever they have to discuss, it will not be pleasant, I can tell that much. That is just one reason more for me to leave this room at once.

"As you wish." I said, and with a bow to both of them, I left the room.

There are times when we are unrecognizable, when we act like we are not a family at all. When that time comes, like it did just now, I'd rather stay away from them, and pretend like nothing happened. It is better for me for it to be that way. The less I know, the better.

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Days have passed, and still, there was no word from Davos. I did not bother Father with silly questions any longer, as he had promised to inform me as soon as he finds out something.

At this point, I wish I had gone myself. However, my sharp tongue does not guaranty that my quest would be successful, and I am glad Father did not wish to risk it in that way.

My mind was barely functional. I was barely functional! As always, I did my work, I fulfilled my everyday tasks, but I was not exactly… there. And whether I liked it or not, everyone noticed. Including Shireen.

"Sophia!" She raised her voice, and I snapped out my day dreaming. I was braiding her hair in front of the big, oval mirror in my bed chambers, but as it is these days, my mind was somewhere else.

"I am sorry sweetheart." I said, feeling guiltier than ever before. It is one thing not to listen to someone, and it's another to unintentionally ignore my little sister." I must have drifted away in my day dreaming. What were you saying?" I asked.

"I was saying that you look like you are not even here." She said, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"That I do." I admitted." I doubt I will be more present before all of this is over." I said.

"Before Ser Davos returns or before the war is over?" She asked.

"The war. But I suppose I will sleep little more peacefully when Davos returns." I said, with a small smile. It has started to get more and more difficult for me to smile, at all, even to my little sister. I have started to turn into Father, and I am not too happy about it.

People say that I am my father's daughter, and that I am, but I have a mind of my own, as well as behavior. I wouldn't want to see that change, but it may be a bit too late for that.

"Would you still prefer to be a mermaid?" Shireen asked, and I started laughing. I nodded my head.

"Yes, very much." I admitted." Just imagine. All you would do all day, is swim. Nothing more, nothing else. No wars, no Kings, no worries, none at all. Look at me, and tell me that is not an ideal life." I said.

"But mermaids do not exist." She said. As always, she was a practical child.

"They do if you want them to." I said, with an all knowing smile look on my face, and she smiled at me. It is sad to see a child with little imagination. I should put that down to her growing up in the middle of the biggest war Westeros had ever seen. Still, it is very sad. When I was her age, if you were to tell me that there is no such things as mermaids, I would skewer you with a sword, and throw you into to sea, just so you could check whether that is true or not. Well, I wouldn't do that exactly, but I wouldn't let someone simply destroy my imagination. Now, when I am older, and I do, in fact, know that there is no such thing as mermaids, I realize that I prefer it that way, and that I wish Shireen had an imagination that ten year old Sophia had.

"What do you think, does it…" Shireen started, but she did not get a chance to finish her sentence, as we were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Come in." I said, and I turned around, to face the door. It was Mathos, the person I least expected to see in my bed chambers.

"Princess Sophia. Princess Shireen." He said, bowing to the both of us.

"Yes?" I asked, having a slight suspicion that he did not come here to see if we were doing well on this fine afternoon. Especially since he was still avoiding me at all costs. If he is here, in my bed chambers, it is because I am needed somewhere, or, perhaps, Shireen is.

"Princess, I bring news from the King." Mathos said, looking at me." Today, a man rode in and requested the King's presence. He brings news of Ser Davos." Mathos said, and my eyes went wide.

"Well, speak, what news?" I asked, annoyed by the fact that he simply stopped talking.

"He will be arriving shortly." Mathos said. I let out a sigh of relief, not bothering at all to hide it. Davos is alive and well, and that is what matters the most." He will be joined by Robb Stark and a few of his soldiers, and his mother, as well." Mathos added.

I cannot describe the way I felt once I heard those words. Was it relief? Certainly, there must have been some sort of relief followed by that news. Perhaps, it was worry? The worst part may very well be what was yet to come. Getting them here, perhaps that was easy. Perhaps Davos did not manage to convince them fully. They may want to speak with Father before making any decisions. Yes, I am definitely worried more than I am relieved.

"That is good, isn't it?" Shireen asked, but I was too shocked to answer her at once." Sophia?" She asked again. She is not going to give up, so I might as well give up first.

"We cannot say just yet, sweetheart." I said, knowing that I am not ready to make promises I cannot keep, and telling her that it will all be alright might be one of them." Mathos, when will they be here?" I asked him.

"Soon, princess." He said. What am I to do now? Do I join Father? What if he does not want me there? What if it is not safe being there? How can we know that Robb Stark will not try and kill us all?

"Did the King say if he is in need of my company?" I asked him. For the love of Gods, Matthos, understand what I am asking you! Should I go, or should I stay? Where is my place, damn it?!

"Yes, princess. He said that you should join him in the council room." Matthos finally spilled out. As he did not say that I should be there as urgently as possible, I knew I should not be in a rush, but that does not mean that I should take my time.

"Thank you, Matthos. You may leave." I said, but he did not move." I know my way to the council room, thank you." I said. It was out of my control, I was rude to him, without a reason other than the one that I am incredibly nervous at this moment. In my defense, he should know better. If he made a decision to avoid me, he cannot just change his mind, and expect me to welcome his decision with open hands. And I do know my way to the council room. I never needed an escort before, I do not need it now.

"As you wish, Princess." He said, and finally, he left the chambers. I turned to Shireen.

"You need to get ready." She said, and I nodded my head.

"That I do. Will you help me?" I asked, and her grin only confirmed that I made a good decision when I decided not to have any maids around me at all times. Shireen will be more than happy to help.

I had a maid when I was younger, when I couldn't get ready by myself, but once I was old enough, I managed to convince Father to send them all away. I could get dressed by myself, I could do my own hair, and I did not need someone to warm up my bath water for me. Those were things I did myself, without batting an eye. However, today, I was a nervous wreck. And I am lucky that my younger sister has an eye for dresses and hair, as I need her help, probably more than ever.

She picked out a dress for me to wear. It was simple, yet elegant and nice. Deep blue, like the color of the sea. If it were up to me, I wouldn't change at all. But this might turn out to be the first time I am officially presented to another King other than my Father. Of course, I had gone through the same thing whenever King Robert came to visit, but this was something different. Then, I was not a Princess. And he was the only King we had. Times have changed, and whether I like it or not, I need to look presentable.

Shireen styled my hair in one, long braid. It looked all the same to me, and I could see her enjoying this, so I did not complain. She was working fast enough. I will be ready in no time.

"All done." She said, with a proud smile, and I looked at my reflection in the mirror in front of me. No, I am still average. Not good, nor bad. Not ugly, nor beautiful. I was in the middle, and it is just the way I prefer it to be.

"Now it's your turn." I said, and Shireen looked at me in surprise." What? You are a princess too." I said.

"I am a child as well." She said." I doubt Father would want me in the middle of that meeting." She said. And she is right. We are not simply presented to another House. This is going to be an important conversation, and I should be lucky I get to be involved. As an heir of Stannis Baratheon, I have the right to sit in that room. So should Shireen, but she is too young to be faced with that.

"You have a point. Besides, we cannot say what might happen." I said. If Robb Stark does decide to kill us all, it is definitely better to keep Shireen as far away from it as possible. I despise myself for not thinking of that earlier; my sister's safety should always be a priority." It is probably best if you wait in your chambers. I will come and see you as soon as it is all over." I said. How safe she is in her room? Is that safe enough, or should we be sending her away from here?

"Good luck Sophia." She said, and I hugged her with all the strength I had. We walked out of my chambers, hand and hand, but we walked together only until the end of the hallway. There, we part ways, as I go left, and she goes right. With one last smile, I said goodbye to her, hoping that this is not the last time I see her. As soon as I turned left once again, the smile was gone.

I am not a sister, I am not a daughter. I am an heir. I am a woman who might be Queen someday. And that is how I should hold myself. I leave behind what makes me Sophia, and I am becoming a shadow of that girl, if only for a few hours.

I was in a rush as I made my way to the council room. Realizing that I might have just waster valuable time on, well, nothing, really, I wanted to do my best and make up for it. I almost ran into the room, only to see that no one from the Stark party had arrived. Sadly, the room was not empty.

Father, Mother and Melisandre were already here. I would give everything I have not to be here. Or, at least, have a friendly face nearby. But I had to settle for this.

"Good, you are here." Father said and he walked over to me." You look nice. I am sure they will look horrible after their travels, but you should look every bit regal as you are." He said. I am not used to these proud father speeches, even if it is only because I look normal, and not a tangled mess of hair and fabric I can usually be.

"Are they close? Is Davos well?" I asked.

"Davos is well, that much we do know." Father said." And they should be here any moment now." He added. Wonderful. How absolutely wonderful.

"As we suspected, the boy wants to speak to the King about the alliance." Melisandre said, looking at me with a type of look that did not sit well with me. When it comes to her, she could give me the most innocent of smiles, and I would still doubt her intentions.

"King." Father said, and we all turned to look at him." He might still be a boy, but he is a King. If he gives me the respect I deserve, it should go both ways. So call him by his title." He said. I am not going to lie, I am surprised by this, newfound respect, for the Stark boy. Well, Stark King. Out of all of us, I should be the last one to call him boy. We are almost the same age, as far as I know.

"Your Grace, they are here." Said one of the servants who was looking out of the window. Father and I exchanged a look, and I knew he was thinking the same as I was. This is it then.

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 **They are here!**


	7. Chapter 7

I was pacing around the room, in perfect sync with Father, who was pacing in the other direction. Mother was sitting on one of the chairs, her leg jumping up and down as her nerves got the best of her as they did of us. Melisandre was the only one who looked normal, as if this were just another normal day. I suppose that is good. If things were not going her way, we should be worried, and now, she looked pleased enough. I can only wonder if her way is the same as ours.

The doors opened, and the noise made me want to jump out of my skin, even though I was expecting them to be open. Davos was the first one to walk in, and it took all the strength I had not to run up to him and give him a bone crushing hug. I had to settle for a nod in his direction once he looked at me.

"Your Grace." He said, as he bowed to Father." I present to you King Robb Stark, and his mother, Lady Catelyn Stark." He said, and he moved aside, so that the two of them could walk inside.

Robb Stark was the first one to walk in, but it was his mother that drowned my attention.

She was a beautiful woman once, and she was now, even though the years gone by could be seen on her face. I have heard of her misfortune in these past years, and I did not wish to be in her place, but just by looking at her, I envied her. She carried herself well. Proud and regal, that is how Catelyn Stark looked.

As soon as I looked at her son, I noticed he favored her more than his father. I have met Eddard Stark, once, when he was just appointed as the Hand of the King. He was a good looking man for his age, and he handled himself gracefully. I could see traces of him in his son, but he was more like his mother. Hair and eyes were exactly the same. Auburn and blue. The man looked more like a Tully than he did a Stark!

When I was a child, I imagined the Northerners as savages, or at least more savage than us, and I cannot say why. There was nothing savage about this man in front of me, but there was something wild, something rugged, something that his mother did not have. I suspect that is the Stark blood in him.

He is a good looking, handsome man, but he is still a boy, as much as I am a girl. We are both too young for this all. But I do not have a choice, and neither does he.

"Your Grace." He said, looking at my father, his voice strong. I barely contained a sigh of relief as he honored Father by calling him by his title. I doubt he would take it well if he was called Lord Stannis.

"King Robb." Father said, with a nod of his head." Lady Catelyn, it is a pleasure to see you again. I am sorry for your loss." He said. That, I did not doubt. While Father had no love for Eddard Stark, purely based on his childhood insecurities, he respected the man. Especially when Lord Stark was the one who wanted to support my Father's claim to the throne when he found out the truth. He paid that price with his head, and that truly was wrong and depressing.

"Thank you, Your Grace." Lady Catelyn said, and she turned to Mother." Queen Selyse." She said, and they both nodded to one another. At least Mother was sane enough to show them the respect they deserve. I was caught by surprise when Lady Catelyn looked straight at me. Her eyes widened." Princess Sophia? You were a child of only a few months when I last saw you." She said, and I gave her a small smile.

"Lady Catelyn." I said, and I bowed to her." Your Grace." I said, looking at her son, and I bowed once more. He had a frown on my face as he was looking at me, and I could not blame him. Most people do, these days. They compare me to me false niece and nephews, saying that I am how a true Baratheon looks like, not them. I got used to it by now." I am sorry for your loss as well. Lord Eddard was a kind and honorable man. It is a shame that in the world that we live in, we pay a price for being honorable." I said. I need to be nice to the woman. I cannot imagine how it feels to be widowed, and to have your children held hostage by your biggest enemies. The least she deserves is some kindness.

"That it is, Princess Sophia. That it is." She said, giving me a small smile. She then looked at her son, and I knew that now is the time. We have paid our respects, and now we need to try and make an alliance.

"Ser Davos has informed me on your offer, Your Grace." King Robb spoke, and Father nodded." Does the offer still stand?" He asked. Is it possible that Father had changed his mind in the mean time? While that would explain Melisandre's smile, it would not make any sense. No, he would never do that. After what he did to Renly, I know he would avoid any other tricks she might have to offer him, at least for now.

"That it does, Your Grace." Father said." Let us sit and discuss it. If you do not mind, we will be joined by my closest council that is my daughter, Ser Davos and Lady Melisandre." He said. Not Mother? I looked at her, and I could tell that she was surprised as well. Very unpleasantly surprised, if I might add. I did not expect that, but I do understand Father's decision. She knows nothing on war and strategies. Even I know more than her. Besides, I will inherit Father one day. I have a reason for being in this room.  
"Not at all. My mother will be present as well, in that case." King Robb said, and Father nodded.

"Yes. That settles it, then. Rest of you, leave." He said. The rest included Mother. I did not dare and look at her as she made her way across the room. She is not happy, and I have a slight suspicion she will find a way to blame it all on me.

As soon as the doors were closed, we all took our seats. I was sitting in-between Father and Ser Davos, on the right side of the table, where Dragonstone sits. Melisandre took a seat on Father's left side. And the King and his Mother sat down across from us.

The silence between both parties were growing, and it started to get uncomfortable. I can only imagine that all negotiations are similar to this one. Or we are all incredibly awkward.

"I sent Ser Davos to speak to you on my behalf." Said Father, finally breaking the silence. Now, when I have something to focus on, it got easier." I wonder what you think of the deal he offered you?" He asked. He was nice and polite, which was a change. Usually he is polite and strict, not saying a word more than he needs to. The unwritten rules of society and common decency never bothered him too much. That made him seem rude, but he was simply not talkative.

"Ser Davos said something very true." King Robb said." He said that it is highly unlikely that either one of us will come out a winner by the end of this war if we do not join forces." He said. That sure does sound like Davos!" We have a common enemy, and together, we might just defeat him." He said.

"I do not worry about that." Father said, and I had absolutely no idea where this was going." We both want to join forces, and that is pretty much settled. What I want to know is how much this alliance will cost the both of us." He said. Well, no one can say that Stannis Baratheon beats around the bush.

"I want to be the one that takes Joffrey's head." King Robb said." I want my sisters back with us, alive and well. And I want to separate the North and the Riverlands as one Kingdom." He said.

It was all going perfectly well, and then he said what I feared the most. He wanted half of the Kingdom. The only good thing about this was that answer was somewhat expected, and Father was not surprised.

"For all I care, you can feed that boy to the dogs." Father said, not changing his facial expressions, as he calmly talks about murdering a child. Hardly an innocent and nice one, but a child nonetheless." The safety of your sisters is not in my hands, I am afraid. What I can promise you is that once they are in my protection, not a hair from their body will be missing. If we do take King's Landing, and your sisters are both alive and well, I will make sure they have a safe trip back home." He said. Those conditions, they mean nothing to him. I am afraid on what he will say next." As for taking the North and the Riverlands… I am not too happy about giving away half of a Kingdom." He said.

"The North has had it, Your Grace." King Robb said, and I raised my eyebrows. He is very vocal for a boy King. He might very well be what the North needs." For years, we bent our knees to men who called themselves King, and treated us with disrespect. The Lannisters killed my father, tried to kill my brother, and probably threaten my sisters every day. I will kneel to no one." He said. If that is the situation, why did he even bother coming here in the first place?! We are going to get killed right here, all of us. If they do not find a way to use slightly nicer words, all seven hells will break loose on us all.

"I am not a Lannister. I am far from a Lannister." Father said. His calmness was a surprise to me." You can call yourself King if you want to. You can call North a separate Kingdom. You even don't have to bend your knee to me. But you will help me conquer Westeros. And when and if the time of trouble comes, you will come to my aid." Father said.

"Does that go both ways?" King Robb asked him. Father nodded his head.

"Of course. Every rebellion, every trouble, every war, the South will fight it with you." He said.

"Yet, you will be called the King of the Seven Kingdoms?" King Robb asked. As soon as we are closer to a solution, an agreement, the two of them take a few steps backwards.

"Your Grace." Melisandre said, and we all turned to look at her. I was surprised to hear her speaking, but no one interrupted her." If you allow me to speak my mind, I may show you that there is an easy solution to this all." She said. And that would explain the satisfied smirk on her face from before.

"Do speak, my Lady." Father said. I looked at him, and I could tell that he knows nothing about what she is about to say. It will be new for all of us.

"Your daughter is your heir, isn't she?" Melisandre asked.

"She is." Father said, looking at me." When I die, Sophia Baratheon will be my successor." He said.

"Princess, you were planning on continuing the family line?" Melisandre asked me.

"Well, I made no plans, but I will certainly not let it die with me." I said, frowning at her. I cannot imagine where this will lead us, what she is trying to accomplish. What do my unborn children have to do with this, at all?

"If we have two Kingdoms, and two Kings, why not join the houses?" She asked, looking around the table at each of our faces." Why not marry these young people, and make their child the one true heir of Westeros?" She asked.

That is why she was smirking this whole time! She had this planned all along! As much as I would hate to admit it, her plan makes sense. If a King of one Kingdom and a Princess of another marry, their child might as well join the Kingdoms.

I always suspected that my marriage will be an arranged one, and for years, I have been preparing myself for that. However, I did not expect being cornered like this with a marriage proposal, made by no one other than the red priestess.

"Lady Melisandre does have a point." Father said, looking at King Robb.

"My son is already betrothed to a Frey." Lady Catelyn said, looking at Father." We made that deal long ago, when we had to cross the Twins." She said. I remember hearing that. Eddard Stark was still alive, but held captive. They were rushing to his aid, and they did whatever it took to get to King's Landing in time. That did not work, but the betrothal still existed.

"I myself will deal with Walder Frey if it comes to that." Father said. I did not expect him to willingly use me as a war strategy, but I can understand his reasons. If that helps us win this war, I will do it. I was to be married anyway, without having a say in it. At least I wouldn't be marring an old, vile man, but a young man, my own age, and a King. As far as arranged marriages goes, we have struck gold.

I looked at King Robb, and I was surprised to see him looking at me as well. I could not read him. He is one of those people whose emotions are impossible to read unless you have known them your whole life. Father was one of those people as well, yet, I was fortunate enough to have, in fact, known him my whole life. This man, this man is an unsolvable riddle to me. At this point, I could spend hours trying to decipher his facial expressions, yet I wouldn't be any closer to an answer than I am now.

"We would separate the realm into two Kingdoms, until our child would inherit us both?" King Robb asked. He asked my father, and not me, which did not escape me. I have no say in this, whatsoever. I should be lucky that I am fine with an arranged marriage.

"Yes." Father said, and King Robb nodded." If you both accept, we have a perfect solution in front of us." He said. Suddenly, I felt all eyes turn on me. No matter how much you are used to it, it is always very uncomfortable. I struggled, not knowing where to look, until my eyes met with Lady Catelyn's. This time, I recognized the look of compassion. She must imagine how this must feel for me.

"I would do anything to help us all win a Kingdom that is in hands of those who it does not belong to. If that means that I have to marry King Robb, than I will do it, so long as he wants that too." I said, and I looked to him this time. I will not marry a man who does not want to marry me with his free will. I understand that he does not love me, and I do not love him. We had just seen each other for the first time. But I will not marry him until I hear that he wishes to do the same, if only for a Kingdom.

"If I accept, I will break an oath I gave to Lord Frey." He said, looking at Father.

"I told you, I will take care of Lord Frey when the time comes. I am not going to try and sell my daughter to you. You can see her yourself. She is young and beautiful. What you do not see, but what I can tell you is that she is smart, kind and nice. One day, she will be the Queen, and I can assure you, she will do a bloody good job. She is my daughter, whom I raised and taught to respect the elders, to be smart with equals and kind to those lower than her. If you still wish to respect an old oath, made out of need and urgency, and marry someone as strange to you, as my daughter is now, then by all means, decline this offer and we will try to find another solution. But someone with Stark blood in them, as well as Baratheon, could rule this Kingdom someday. The last time we joined forces, we destroyed the Targaryen dynasty. A Stark and a Baratheon deserve the throne." He said.

In all honesty, I feel flattered by the words father used to describe me. We always had a good relationship and there was always mutual respect, but never before have I heard him speak of me in such way. He spoke his mind, but whether or not that is true, only time will tell. He believes I will be a good Queen someday, but I can only hope.

I never wanted that for myself. I was more than happy to be just a regular lady. I was more than happy to marry a regular lord, and not a King. Rumors were circling that I was to be asked for my hand in marriage by Willas, the heir of House Tyrell, but that have never happened, and it was obvious that it never will once the Tyrells joined Renly. And even if the Tyrells were to ask for my hand in marriage, I find it highly unlikely that Father would accept. King Robert might have forgiven them for their siege of Storms End, but he was not the one starving in that castle for a bigger part of a year. Father was not that forgiving. It mattered not; I never would have married someone without Father's blessing. And it would seem that I have it for this marriage.

Where would that lead me? I would be Queen, there was no chance on escaping it. Yes, I wanted to learn how to be a good leader and all that comes with it, but that does not mean I ever wished that for myself. I simply did what I could in the situation I was in.

Now, if the King agrees, there will be no other option for me. I will be Queen, and one day, my unborn child, will be King or Queen as well.

It is frightening to know that someone who isn't even born has their future set out for them. Not only is it frightening, but it is wrong as well. If that were to happen, if would hardly be the first time in history. Still, that does not change the fact that I would carry on my curse on my child.

Perhaps Robb Stark will decline this offer. For all I know, he is thinking the same way I am. Perhaps he will wish to honor his word, and to respect Lord Frey. Gods, I hope that he declines. This has nothing to do with the marriage, not anymore. He's as good as man as any, that does not matter. It is the pressure I do not wish to live with. It would slowly destroy me, eat me up on the inside. I know it now, and I can only regret agreeing. No, I can only hope that he declines.

Our eyes met, as he was considering the offer. He looked at me, and I looked at him, not looking away, as much as I wanted to do so. I had to tell him, somehow, not to agree. A wave of my head would be a clear sign, but I could not do it, knowing that he was not the only one looking at me. My eyes were my only tool, as I was silently begging him to decline this offer. We will find another way. We will.

He was the one who looked away, and when he did, he looked at my Father.

"I accept your offer." He said. With those words, with that, seemingly irrelevant sentence, my life was destroyed.

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 **Here we are guys. Finally, Robb and Catelyn are introduced to this story. And it's starting!**

 **Thank you for reading and reviewing, it means a lot! And if you're new to the story, you know what to do! See you soon guys! :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! I really like the way this story's going, and I hope you like it too. Well, 54 of you seem to, at least. Thank you for your kind words, because your reviews really made me smile and feel good about my work. On a side note, something's gone wrong with my profile, as I can't see the traffic graph, or how many times has a chapter been read, and it pisses me off! It really makes me angry, and I keep hoping that it'll get fixed, but nothing's happening, and I don't know what do to! But at least I can keep posting new chapters. I hope you like this one; please, tell me what you think! Lots of love, Ana.**

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I was only half listening to what they were saying now. As they were discussing war strategies, I really should have been listening, but I could not find the strength in me. It was hard enough for me to be in this room, I cannot imagine what it would be like to be engaged in this conversation as well.

I am to be married. To a King. I am expected to leave my family, my home, and start a new life with a man I just met, a man who I do not love and who does not love me. No matter how long I have tried to prepare myself for this, it did not change a thing. I am frightened beyond belief.

Too many questions are charging through my mind right now, and there is one that is asked louder than any other. How will I leave Shireen?

That girl needs me, and I need her as well. I cannot imagine my day without at least a hundred of her questions. I could deal with anything, as long as I have my sister by my side.

How am I supposed to leave her in the hands of our incompetent Mother? She does not care for the girl, she does not worry about her, or spend any time with her. If I leave, Shireen will be on her own, and I am not comfortable with doing that.

She does not have the strength I have. While I enjoy being alone, she is lonely. It will break my heart if it comes to a goodbye between us, and quite frankly, I do not know if I have the strength to do that.

And that is only just the beginning of the mess that is in my head! I cannot tell where it ends, and it has been only a few minutes since it was decided!

What is he truly like? Is he kind or is he a vile, repulsive man? Is he faithful, or will I be married to another Robert Baratheon? Will I be a good wife? Do I have it in me, what it takes to fulfill my duty to the man I promised myself to? Will I be a good mother? Can I even have children? If I can, will my best be enough to prepare an innocent child to something it did not ask for? Have I just let my father make the biggest mistake? Was this the biggest mistake of my entire life?

They were discussing how exactly should they march on King's Landing, and I was barely listening, so that I at least know what will happen. All I managed to find out was that our alliance will be a surprise. Robb Stark will march, and once they least expect it, Father will attack from the sea. Once that is over, they will take Casterly Rock, in the same fashion, if possible.

They were discussing this like nothing just happened, like we were having a regular conversation about today's weather. No one spared this betrothal a second thought, other than me.

"And, about the wedding…" Father said, and that is what snapped me back to the present time." I suggest that it happens as early as possible. Tomorrow, even." He said. Tomorrow? I have no time to prepare myself, whatsoever. And I am not thinking of the wedding dress or the ceremony. I am thinking about having no time to get used to the idea that I will be marring the King in the North, traded like some sort of prize, being one of the many pawns in this game.

"I agree." Robb Stark said. It is almost funny how calm he is. That only proves to me that to him, it is all the same. Whether it is me, or a Frey girl, or whoever. As long as I am female, it is all the same to him. That makes me feel insulted. Not personally, but as a woman, yes." Should it be held here?" He asked.

"I see that as a best solution." Father said, and Robb Stark nodded." And the day afterwards, we should start our journey to King's Landing." He said.

"Tomorrow morning then?" King Robb asked.

"It is settled." Father said. I am to be married tomorrow, and I had absolutely no say in anything." Now, finer details do not request both of our councils. Lady Catelyn, I am sure you need your rest, and Sophia, you need to prepare yourself for tomorrow. You may be excused." Father said. That was a nice way of sending us all away. We had no choice, not really. Melisandre already walked out as Lady Catelyn, Ser Davos and I were getting on our feet." Not you, Davos." Father said. Sadly, that meant that I am left alone with Lady Catelyn. My future godmother. She practically already is my godmother.

I closed the doors as soon as we were both in the hallway. Our eyes met, and I could tell that she was not sure on what to say to me, just as much as I did not know what could I possibly say to her.

"Would you like for me to take you to one of our guest chambers?" I asked, realizing that Father was right, and that she probably does need some rest first." I suppose you are planning on spending the night in the castle?" I asked. As far as I know, she might be heading to the war camp soon enough.

"I believe that is the plan." She said." I do not wish to trouble you…" She started.

"My Lady, that is the least I could do." I said. After a short silence, she nodded her head, and I started leading the way." If we had more time on our hands I would be more than happy to show you around Dragonstone. Perhaps there we will have a chance to do that some other time." I said.

"Yes, especially now that we will be family." She said. I felt her eyes on me, and when I finally mustered the courage to make eye-contact with her, I realized that I was right before. There definitely was compassion in her eyes. We were having a silent conversation. I told her that I am frightened beyond belief and she told me that she understands. Alas, there is nothing either one of us can do." When I was younger than you, I was betrothed to Brandon Stark." She said, with a small smile on her face.  
"Brandon?" I asked, knowing that she was married to an Eddard. I am certain, it was Eddard Stark.

"Eddard's older brother." She said, and I raised my eyebrows. Well, that is quite the family affair." Before we had a chance to marry, his sister, Lyanna, was abducted, and he rushed to her aid. The Mad King killed him, and as my father still wanted to make an alliance with House Stark, I was then betrothed to Eddard, Brandon's younger brother." She said. I did not know that, but that should not be a surprise to me. No one ever told me stories about the Starks.

"Was your marriage a loving one?" I asked her, slightly worried that I might be overstepping the boundaries. They had five children, but still, that does not mean that they loved each other. If they were not stillborn, my parents would have had at least seven children, and they don't even like each other.

"Yes. We loved each other very much, but we were nothing more than strangers at the very beginning." She said, and I could understand where she was going with this. She wants to make me feel better about my own marriage, by telling me of her experience. But just because she and her husband were lucky, does not mean that the same could be said for me and her son.

"I was always prepared for this, Lady Catelyn." I said, and she did not respond in any way." My marriage was always supposed to be a political decision, just like yours was. I should be lucky that I am marrying a man who seems kind and honorable." I told her. He might not be kind or honorable at all, but he is a King and he is young. And also, very good looking. For a start, that is not that bad at all. If I was more superficial than I am, I would be quite satisfied with my future husband. Sadly, I am one of those girls who care much more about what is on the inside, and I will have no time to find that out.

"He is a good man, Princess." She said." And I am not saying that just because he is my son. While neither one of you wanted this, I can promise you that he will give you the respect you deserve."

"For that, I will be eternally thankful." I said, and I meant it. That is all I ask for. He doesn't need to love me; he doesn't need to be my friend. Of course, it would be much better if we reach that someday, just like his parents did, but we are a long way from there, if we ever reach it at all. For now, all I want is for him to respect me, and I will do the same. I will fulfill my duties for as long as he fulfills his.

"We will only have Walder Frey to deal with." She said, and I could tell that she is not happy about breaking that oath. Which is understandable.

"Does the King care for that girl?" I asked her. What if I am the one who pushed him away from his one true love? What if he was more than happy to marry her yet chose not to, so that he could win this war and secure a Kingdom for a Stark heir?

"He never laid eyes on them." She said, and I felt relief." A girl was not even chosen. He was supposed to marry one of them after the war had ended. He knows you better than he knows them, and he doesn't know you at all."

Why take a lousy, Frey girl, when you can have a Princess. I was a better option for him, and that is why he chose to break that oath. It hurt me, even though I knew it was only logical. This is all far more difficult than I ever expected it to be, and I am afraid it will only get worse as the time passes.

"At least he is not parted from his true love." I said, before I could stop myself. I should not be revealing this much to this woman. I do not know her, even though I am grateful for her kind words." Here we are. If you find these chambers fitting, I will send a maid to attend to your needs." I said once we reached the first guest bed chambers, not that far away from mine.

"Yes, please. Thank you, Princess." She said, offering me a kind smile, which I returned, only with great effort. The last thing I want to do now is smile.

"You are most welcome. Enjoy your rest." I said, and as soon as she closed the door, I started walking again. Before I am alone with my own misery, I have to see Shireen, as I promised. The last thing I wanted now was to be in the company of someone, anyone, but I had to do that.

She was in her chambers, as she promised she would be, along with her maid, Leah.

"Sophia!" She jumped off the bed as soon as I walked in." How did it go? Is it over?" She asked me.

"Leah, please, find Lady Stark. She is in one of the guest chambers. You will be in charge of her care for the rest of her stay. Whatever she needs, you will provide. Do not check it with me, or with anyone else. She is an honored guest, and she will be treated like one." I said. That is the least that woman deserves.

"As you wish, Princess." She said. She left the two of us alone, and I turned to Shireen.

"Yes, sweetheart, it is over." I told her, and my heart melted once I saw just how big was her smile when she heard the good news." Our house and House Stark are in an alliance." I said. As soon as I thought that smile could not get any bigger, she surprised me once more.

"Those are good news, right?" She asked, and I nodded." Why aren't you happy then? You wanted this, did you not?" She asked. She is right, I am the one who suggested this alliance in the first place. That makes me the one to blame for this all. I did this all to myself. As much as I am unhappy with the final result, I do not regret this. The sacrifice that will be my marriage might just be the thing that wins us that throne. I did this for Father; I did this for our House. I did this to honor the name I carry with pride, to prove that I am a true Baratheon, both to myself, and to others.

"Yes, love, I wanted this." I sighed, taking in one deep breath." I am not happy because it surprised me. I did not expect the decision that was made; I had no time to get used to the idea." I whispered, not sure if I am talking to her, or have I begun talking to myself.

"Sophia, what are you talking about?" She asked me. I cannot ignore it anymore, I must say it.  
"I am to marry King Robb. Tomorrow morning." I said. What hurt me more than anything was the disappearance of Shireen's childlike innocence from her face. That smile disappeared like it was never there in the first place, as she took in the news I just told her.

"You will leave?" She asked me. I could almost physically feel the pain of my heart breaking in two.

"Probably." I said, blinking rapidly to see despite the water in my eyes." I cannot say for certain. Perhaps I will leave only when the war is finished, but I will follow King to his home at some point."

"I don't want you to leave!" She said, and before I could respond, she fell into my arms. All I could do was hold her as strong as I could. As much as I hated crying, I was a mess now. I could not hold back the tears, and what is much worse, neither could Shireen. After a few minutes have passed, I found the strength in me to be the older, wiser sister that she needed. I pulled away, and I wiped away the tears from her face. With great effort, I managed to smile at her.

"Do not cry, little one. You are not so little any more. You do not need me as much as you did before." I said, and it saddened me even more to know that really is the truth." You are a strong, smart, beautiful girl. And you are a true Baratheon. Now, you will be the one in charge. I promise you, I will visit whenever I can. And I will drive that poor man mad demanding that you visit us as well!" I promised, and I made her smile, if only for a second.

"I am not ready to be alone with them, Sophia." She whispered." They do not love me."

"Yes they do!" I snapped, shaking my head." Father loves you with all his heart, just like I do. Only, I know how to show it. And Mother… she is not well. She probably doesn't love anyone. But I can assure you that Father does love you, with all his cold, cold heart." I said.

"But you do not want to marry him." She said." You do not even know him. What if he is ugly? What if he is not nice?" She asked, and I smiled at her. She will make up any excuse in order for me to stay, and I could not blame her for it, as I am tempted to do the same myself.

"He is not ugly, my love. In fact, he is quite good looking. And he seems nice enough. And he doesn't want to marry me either. In all this misfortune, he and I might just find a way to fight it all together." I said to her, even though I did not believe in it myself. That would be more than ideal. Only, in my experience, things never go that easy in life.

"What is a marriage without love?" She asked." Will you turn into Mother?" She asked. Gods, that girl can use words better than I can. She hit me where it hurt the most, all that to try and make me stay.

"Hopefully not." I said, and she giggled, almost against her will." It cannot be changed now, my love. It is what it is. My marriage was always going to be like this, and I knew it for a long, long time. I am only happy it can actually be useful to our cause." I said.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" She asked, and her question broke my heart once more.

"Only until you fall asleep. I am afraid I have a wedding dress to find." I said.

I stayed with her even longer than I promised. It took me a lot of strength to walk out the door, knowing that this is the last time, probably in a very long time, that I will be in my sister's company. Leaving her is the most difficult thing of all. Anything else, I can face. I rubbed the tears away from my face, and I made my way to my chambers. Like I told her, I have a dress to find.

I was near my chambers when I noticed someone heading in the opposite direction. To my shock, it was the King himself.

Do I pass him? Do I say something? This is the first time we may have a chance to speak, and that does not make me happy. I did not prepare myself for this, and judging by the look on his face, neither was he. This was a surprise to both of us, and it was as uncomfortable as it gets.

"Your Grace." I said, with a nod of my head.

"Princess." He said. Neither one of us stopped, and we simply passed each other. Perhaps it is better that way. I let out a sigh of relief, as soon as I was safe from prying eyes, in the safety of my chambers.

What do you wear to your own wedding?

As I never was too infatuated by the subject of weddings, I never really even considered what my own wedding would look like. I always supposed I will have more than just a few hours to get ready for it. But no, that was too easy for me. Now I had to put out all of my dresses, and try to find the most appropriate.

I tried on one of my favorites, a light blue dress, with a deep cut that revealed more skin that the others did. It seemed appropriate for trying to get your own husband to like you. As always, I looked nothing more than average. There is no doubt in my mind that the man is disappointed by the looks of his bride. At least I have the name to me, so he probably will not complain as much.

A knock on my door made me jump. It is too late for me to try and hide the fact that I was trying on dresses for tomorrow. I might as well just face my embarrassment.

"Come in." I called, still studying my reflection in the mirror.

"Is it true?" Someone asked, and to my surprise, that someone was Matthos. I expected Father, Mother even, but I did not expect him at all. He was staring at me.

"What are you doing here?" I snapped at him, as I rushed to close the doors. The last thing I need is for the King or his mother to see him in my bedchambers.

"Is it true?" He asked. To my surprise, he seemed angry.

"Is what true?" I snapped at him. Now I was the one who was angry. Who does he think he is, marching into my chambers, demanding answers to coded questions? He has no right to do that.

"Are you marrying him tomorrow, or not?" he asked. It shouldn't come as a surprise to me that word travels fast. While we may keep our alliance hidden from the rest of the houses, it is to be expected that those who live here, on the island, will be very much aware of tomorrow's celebrations.

"Yes, yes I am." I said, and he looked away from me." Matthos, what is this all about? What are you even doing here?" I asked. I do not want to get angry with him, not now when I cannot say when or if will I ever see him again. This might be our last conversation for a very long time.

"I cannot let that happen." He said. What? There is no way for it to be stopped." Sophia, I cannot let you marry another man. I cannot. I love you." He said. I stopped counting how many times my heart was broken today, but Matthos just hit it one last time. After everything that has happened, everything that was said and even more that was left unsaid, now he tells me? Now he tells me that he loves me? The eve before I am to marry another, a King nonetheless.

"I cannot believe you." I whispered, stepping away from him." It changes nothing, Matthos. Nothing! Had you bothered to do something before, it might have, but now, it is too late. I will marry Robb Stark tomorrow, whether you like it or not. Seven Hells, I am marrying him whether I like it or not! Now you tell me that you love me. Now." I said. I would shout at him, but I did not want to risk anyone hearing us. As foolish and stupid as he is, I do not wish for him to lose his head.

"I did not see it before." He said, and I rolled my eyes. He had to wait until the night before my marriage to realize that I am what his heart desires. Just because of that, he does not deserve one minute of my attention." It cannot be." He said, and I shook my head.

"Well, it is. You are too late, Matthos. Besides, we never stood a chance. Our Fathers would never allow us to marry. We never stood a chance, so you might as well just give it up." I told him.

"I will never give up on you." He declared, and before I was aware of what he was doing, he was already in front of me. His hands were on my waist, and his lips were on my lips.

It felt right. It felt like home. If I was to stay here, with him, I would never have to leave Shireen. I would be with a man who knows me, who cares for me, and for whom I care for as well. It would feel right.

I do not look for an easy way out of anything. I am a Baratheon, and I am an honorable woman.

"Stop it!" I said, as I pushed him away from me. I could tell by the look on his face that he was genuinely hurt by my reactions." Tomorrow morning, I am marrying the King. I am marrying a man who did nothing to deserve this. I will not dishonor him in this way, and I'll be damned if I let you touch me ever again. Stop disrespecting the man I will marry, and stop disrespecting me. Now, leave. Go!" I yelled once he did not move. With one last saddened look, he turned around, and he left my chambers.

It took me seconds to break down and fall apart, totally and completely. I hit the ground, my tears running faster than ever before.

What have I done to deserve this? What Gods did I anger to deserve this punishment? Did I treat someone wrongly? Was I vain, evil, rude or unkind? Or am I paying for someone else's mistakes?

I do not hold the answers to the question that troubles me. All I know is that this all hurts. It hurts like hell.


	9. Chapter 9

**And so it continues… Thank you all so much for your kind words and for reading! Love you all, Ana.**

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I barely slept at all. My mind could not rest; neither could my body, no matter how much I needed it. I kept tossing and turning all over the bed, and that was only after I cried my eyes out.

I cannot dare to look in the mirror. My reflection will probably scare the living daylight out of me. Out of all of the days for looking less than fitting, I definitely picked the wrong one.

Today, I am supposed to look as beautiful as possible. Or, at least, slightly better than average. I am off to a bad start as it is, considering I do not even know the man I will marry. I suppose it would be a lot better if I looked nice, at least for a start. But no. The poor man will have to settle with an average, tired looking, not too willing bride.

I have no idea what the plan is, as I had absolutely no say in anything considering this fast planned ceremony. I do not even know how much time I have to get ready. I suppose it was a wrong decision after all for me to send away all those maids; they would have come in handy today.

Never have I ever felt more lost than I do right now. And I have never felt lonelier in my life. There is no one, literally no one, who can help me, understand the situation I am in and offer me support. As independent as I am, there comes a time when you are in urgent need of someone's company.

As usual, Shireen was my only option, but I could not do that to her, or to me. I do not know when I will leave, or when I will I get to see her again. I do not wish to make this whole ordeal even more difficult than it already is. I will have to say goodbye to her, and that is more than enough for me. I do not want to put us through even more pain.

Unfortunately, that means that I am set to go through this all alone. Knowing that my mind is my own worst enemy did not make me calm and relaxed.

I still do not know what I should wear. Why haven't I picked out a damned dress yet? Why am I not able to make such a simple, stupid decision without hitting my head on the wall, repeatedly? If I cannot decide something that irrelevant, how am I expected to be a good ruler? A good Queen, whether as my husband's wife, or as my father's heir? How will I be named the Queen of Westeros if I can't pick out a stupid wedding dress?!

Again, I looked at my reflection. I am falling apart. I am close to losing the little mind I have left. With my marriage and leaving Shireen, not to mention Matthos's confession, I am lost. My thoughts are like a sea storm, destroying everything in their way, and my emotions are even worse.

I was crying again when a knock on the door scared me more than I could ever imagine it could. I half expected Matthos, or Father telling me that it's all called off, and all I could do was wipe away the water from my eyes. The door opened, and Mother walked in, not waiting for my permission to do so.

What should I say to her? What is expected of me, and am I even capable of doing it? We never had a meaningful conversation; she never prepared me for this day. I prepared myself, as always. Now that I can see that my preparation was nowhere near enough, I can only blame her. Had she been the mother both Shireen and I deserved, perhaps I wouldn't be having a breakdown on my wedding day.

"I have something for you." She said, her voice firm, with no affection in it, whatsoever. I shouldn't worry too much about how I will speak to her, I can see that now. If she does not do the same, than what is the point of me trying? She deserves nothing more than an obligatory response." I had this made for you when you were still a little girl." She said, and only then had I noticed that she was carrying some fabric in her hands. She let it fall out of her hands, and it turned out to be a dress. It looked nice, a pale grey color, long and simple. It took me a few seconds to realize that it was supposed to be a wedding dress. While that is an easy solution for me, Mother did catch me by surprise.

"Will I be able to fit in it?" I asked, since I am well aware that I have no time to make any alterations.

"I believe you will. Here, try it on." She said, as she handed me the dress. I wasted no time, and got behind the changing screen. Now, as I am trying it on, I can tell that it was not as simple as I initially suspected. Embroidery work that the dress was covered in is truly exceptional. And, what makes it even more beautiful is that it is visible only if you pay close attention. It is simple, yet it hides its true beauty. I can only wish that the same can go for me, and my personality.

"I believe it fits." I said, and I walked in front of her. As I cannot tie it myself, not all the way, I cannot tell for certain if it looks as good as I hope it does. Mother did not waste time, and she started tying it herself. This is one of the rare mother daughter moments we ever had. I believe, if I were to try hard enough, I would be able to count perhaps five, or six moments like this. It certainly was not something I was used to. Only, I am old enough, and it no longer matters. If I had managed fine without her, I need her now as nothing more than someone who will tie my dress. I expect no advice, no words of encouragement. I know better than that. Besides, the less you expect, the less you're disappointed.

"When did you have this made?" I asked her. Curiosity got the best of me. As far as I am aware, no wedding was planned, not this soon. And she did say I was still a child.

"You were Shireen's age." She said. Now, that comes as a surprise. I never thought she cared enough." I always knew your wedding day would be an important day. However, I never would have imagined that your marriage would be a marriage between a Queen and a King." She said. That I did not find hard to believe. This was never planned. All my life, I never did expect that I will be the Baratheon who is waiting for the throne.

Yes, I always knew I will marry into a good House, and that my marriage will be the one thing that binds us with the House I married into. I never expected the Starks, let alone a King. I had hoped for a quiet, uneventful life, for a kind husband and a small, loving family. Never have I imagined this amount of responsibility on my shoulders. And I am truly struggling; crumbling down under the weight of it. With each step I take, I am more likely to fall down, and I cannot say for how long will I keep my balance.

"With all that has happened, it was a simple decision." I said. A simple decision, made in just a few seconds. A simple decision that is starting to shape my life into something completely unexpected.

"I wish you had more luck." Mother said, and I frowned when I heard her words. Compassion is not something I expected from her today." I wish I had more luck as well. You, Shireen, me, every woman. We have no say. We barely know our husbands and yet, we are expected to be the epitome of a perfect wife. Women are never lucky enough."

"It is not better for men, either." I said. She does have a point; more is expected from us than it is expected from them. However, it is not as if they are enjoying this. Robb Stark does not know me any better than I know him, and I can still see the lack of love whenever I catch Father looking at Mother. No one is enjoying this, and that is why we all need to find a way to face the misfortune together. I can only hope that Robb Stark and I do not end up like my parents. Their marriage never was what I envisioned in my future, what I hoped for. As I am different than Mother in more ways than one, I can assure myself that I will not turn into her, not even when the years go by. But Robb Stark… for him, I cannot guaranty anything. He might be the spitting image of a cold man as my Father, or he could be the complete opposite. Time will tell, and I hope it tells it in my favor.

"Despite your sharp tongue and attitude, I believe you will be a good wife for him." She said. Where are all these nice words coming from? Has she had a sudden change of heart, now that she realized that I am leaving? While it is definitely too late for the two of us, it might not be too late for her and Shireen." That boy is getting more than he deserves. A Baratheon. The last one, none the less." She said.

"Shireen is the last one. And chances are, she will marry too." I said. I am no idiot, nor a simple minded girl. If another man could be our valuable ally, an arrangement will be made.

"True, but you come before her. A King and a Queen." She said.

"And their unborn child, the one that will unite us all." I added, not bothering to hide the irony in my voice. The only reason I am marrying Robb Stark is so that we can have children that will unite the Kingdom. Like it is not bad enough as it is, for the two of us.

"Your marriage to him is a sacrifice that needs to be made." She said.

"Sacrifice or not, I am well aware of that. I am not complaining." I said. My world is falling apart, and I did not say a word. I do not need to be patronized, not when I am well aware of the price that needs to be paid.

"You were always too brave for your own good. Even as a child." Mother said. I wanted to ask her how is it possible that she even noticed, but I kept my mouth shut. This may very well be the last chance of a decent conversation that the two of us will have in a long, long time. I do not want to ruin it, even if I am the one who is right. Either way, I'd better get used to keeping my mouth shut." There. It fits." She said, and I turned around, to see myself in the mirror.

It sure does fit. If the dress was accompanied with a better looking face, I would have been breathtaking.  
"The gown is very lovely. Thank you." I said. That is the best I can do. Had things been different between us, this farewell would be far more emotional than it is now. Now, it's simply the same. I see no difference.

"Let me do your hair. It should be prettier than that." She said, and before I could stop her, she already pushed me onto a chair. There was nothing I could do other than sit, and be patient.

I wanted to keep everything as simple as I could. I do not see the point of pretending to be a pretty little thing, when he will wake up next to me in years to come. Like my father, I never really saw the point in deceit. But, I suppose that brushing my hair is not considered pushing it too far.

Whatever act I can possibly manage to prepare in this short time that I have, it wouldn't be believable for long. To begin with, Robb Stark is not an idiot; at least he does not seem like one. The words he heard coming out of my mouth were, probably and hopefully, enough for him to realize that I am not a simple minded, gullible girl, weak in resolve and ready to fall for someone who is easy on the eyes. I had a motive; I still do, for doing this. Only, it is not an ulterior motive, not at all. He shares the same aspirations as I do, as well as Father. We are doing this, only and simply because of the Kingdom.

What the man does not know, is that I am not that simple to handle. To make matters easier for all of us, I will do my best to not be my usual self, but again. How long could that possibly last?

Yet, all of this has to wait. Because my hair needs to look pretty for him.

I felt repulsed, repulsed with myself. Is this what I was born to do? To try and look pretty for a complete stranger? Is this the role of a Baratheon princess? Am I doing the exact thing Shireen will be doing in a few years' time? Had we truly fallen this low?

Despite his honorable demeanor and respect he showed to my family, I find it highly unlikely that Robb Stark is currently doing all he can to look his best for his future wife. While the nerves are almost making me tremble in pure horror, I am positive he is seeing this as just another morning, just another duty and me, as just another girl.

"There." Mother said, and her voice was what pulled me out of the whirl of thoughts I was slowly drowning in. I did not even notice her doing her work with my hair, but once I looked into the mirror, I could see that she had done quite a bit with it.

Most of my hair was pulled back, deliberately, I presume to make my face more noticeable. Long, dark curls were falling on my shoulders and my back; it truly looked… nice. Not beautiful, but nice.

The effort had been made. I did all that was in my power to make this easier for both of us. At this point, I can only wonder if he decided to do the same.

"Thank you, Mother." I said, looking at her reflection. To my surprise, she smiled and she kissed me on the forehead. I can't remember the last time that happened. It must be the uncertainty of it all; I have no better explanation for the change in her behavior. While it is certainly a welcomed change, it means nothing to me. Not now, not when I am about to leave home, forever. But it does give me hope. It does give me hope that she truly has changed, and that Shireen will feel it as well. It might be too late for the two of us, but it doesn't have to be too late for the two of them." Keep her safe." I whispered. My tone might have been gentle, but it was a threat, and Mother knew it. If one hair is missing off of Shireen's head, I'll know. And the one who's to blame will pay a price. She knows how much that little girl means to me; only a fool wouldn't have noticed by now.

"I will." She said. Even though I had no reason to trust her, not one good reason, I did. Hopefully, I didn't do it because trusting her was my only option. I hope it is not my only option.

She left the chambers without saying another word. Once again, I was left in my own misery.

One question I tried to ignore and that same question refused to leave me. Will I ever be happy?

At this point, is happiness possible? Realistic?

Am I a fool to think that this whole ordeal might end well? Am I a fool for hoping? Hope is the only thing you have left in times like these; it is the only thing that could define expectations. Yet, you feel foolish for having it. You feel like a child who is denying the obvious, choosing to believe in magic, mermaids and monsters, gargoyles and dragons. You end up being nothing more than a stupid child.

That is why you keep your hopes to yourself. That is why you should never show your emotions. If they do not know I am hoping, they cannot relish the fact that it turned out to be a disaster from the very beginning. If you are not an open book, they cannot know if they hurt you. Eventually, you will be on your own, picking up the pieces, breaking down against your own will, but you would have ended up there either way. At least no one needs to know about it.

I will not cry; I will not show anyone what is going on inside me, both in my heart and in my head. I will not let them read my mind just by looking at my face. I will, however, be my father's daughter, to the bone. I will be cold and distant, as if this is nothing more than a trade, a deal of sorts. Which it actually is, no matter how much I try to deny it.

When I walk out there, when I take his hand and his name, when I become his wife, no one in the room will be able to tell that that is the very moment when my life will be destroyed into millions of little, unrecognizable pieces. Calm and collected on the outside, and screaming on the inside.

It was supposed to go differently. This all was.

I looked at my reflection, and I could see this girl standing next to Matthos, smiling widely, knowing that she married the man she wanted. The girl who would rather spend her life in poverty with a man she loved than live in a castle, being a Queen, married to a man she does not even know.

Matthos… I know his dreams. His insecurities, his plans, and after last night, I even know his feelings. I wish I didn't, but I do. Robb Stark? All I know is his name, and his reputation. I have nothing more. I do not know whether or not he wants a family; I do not know if he got along with his brothers and sisters. I don't know if he treated his father's bastard son with dignity, or if he tortured him throughout their childhood. I don't know if he's ever been in love. And what if he was? What if I am in for a lifetime being compared to someone else? Fair enough; he will be compared to Matthos, whether I wanted it or not.

All of this for a Kingdom?

It's a good thing one girl's happiness isn't that important to anyone, not compared with power and money and a title. So long as Stannis Baratheon is King, no one will care what his daughter had to go through in order to get him that crown.

For a second; only for a second, I thought that I might not be a bad Queen after all, when the time comes. It won't be because of my bloodline that I will have a crown on my head when father passes. It will be because of me. When the crown rests on my head, I will know it was all my doing. Father may have won it on the battlefield, but I won it for him.

From the bed of a Northerner. Isn't that just poetic?


	10. Chapter 10

Now, I was numb. As if my emotions were a fire I simply put out. I felt nothing. It all burned away.

The door to my chambers was suddenly opened, but I did not jump up in surprise. I knew he would walk through those doors at some point; even if it scared me, I did not show it. I did not even look up at him. Stannis Baratheon is not a man who deserves my respect at this moment. While I understand perfectly well why he did what he did, and while I agreed to it, it still bothered me. It bothered me that he left me with no real choice; I had no say in it, even if he pretended to give me one. He offered me off, and he didn't even think twice about it. It would have been a whole lot better if he gave it a second thought.

I had a cup of wine in one of my hands, and a pipe in the other. If I was going to go through this, I was going to go through this on my own terms.

"I presume you are ready?" Father asked, and I nodded my head. I will never be more ready for this.

"I just need a moment." I said, and with my peripheral vision, I could see him nod. He sat down on a chair across the table, without my invitation. I wouldn't have been bothered by it at all, if he wasn't sitting right in front of me. I did not want to look at him and now, he left me with no other choice.

"He isn't enjoying this either, you know." He said. I smirked. Is that supposed to help me?

"What a relief; I thought he loved me dearly." I said.

"Sophia." Father warned me, but it was too late for warnings. They will not work, not today.

"What, Father?" I asked him, finally looking at him, straight into his eyes." Should I keep my mouth shut and practice, so that I can be as good a wife as Mother is to you? Should I look at the two of you and rejoice, knowing that my marriage might end up being just as perfect as yours? Or should I rejoice the fact that on the other side of this castle, sits a man, a young man, going through the exact same thing I am? Should that bring joy to me, or simple relief?" I asked. I was bold now, probably too bold for my own good. But I didn't care. In an hour, I will no longer be his worry, or his responsibility. Someone else will have to deal with it, and judging by the look on his face, he was more than fine with it.

"Sophia, it needed to be done." He said, and I shook my head.

"No, it did not. Do not lie to me or to yourself for that matter. We could have found another way. But it is alright. I always knew my marriage will be a game of yours. I was ready for that. Just know one thing, Father. When you win, when you take what's rightfully yours and when you put a crown on that head, remember. Remember that you didn't win it only on the battlefield, or by making an alliance. In that very moment, you will see my face and you will know that you won that crown over your daughter's bed." I said. I did not realize how resentful I was until those words left my mouth. I stand by my decision as much as I stand by my Father. I only wished he fought for me a bit more than he did.

"You were ten years old when you told your Mother to go to the deepest pit of the Seven Hells." He said. I raised my eyebrows, unsure of where he was going with this. I remember that, very vividly. Just as much as I remember the beating I got for it." She punished you, and when she was done, she brought you to me, so that I can punish you as well. I did not." He said. I remember that clearly as well. That is the first time I thought my mother was crazy. The look on her face when Father decided that I had enough beating is a sight that is still stuck in my mind." I did tell you something. I thought you know that very well, but now I see that you may not. Do not speak your mind that easily, Sophia. One day, you might end up regretting your words, and there will be no turning back." He said.

"The same goes for choices, doesn't it?" I asked. While he is right, that does not mean that I am wrong. What I am feeling towards him right now is completely understandable." You can't regret saying the truth." I said, knowing that that is the way I function. A lie, I might regret. I would never regret truth.

"The truth isn't always good, Sophia." He said.

"No, it is not. But it is still better than a lie." I said, not willing to give up, not in any way." Ironically, it is not even this marriage that angers me. What angers me the most is that you did it all on the advice of that vile woman." I said. He knew very well who I was talking about. While my Mother may have her troubles, and while she may be vile, she is nowhere near that woman. After many doubts, I am fully certain of the fact that she is utterly and completely evil; the epitome of evil in a woman's body.

"I listened to her because she had a point." He said. I'm not that surprised to see him still in denial.

"Well, if that helps keeping the guilty away, you do keep saying that to yourself." I said flatly.

"Sophia!" He snapped, but I did not back away. I did not scare that easily, not anymore. It can be difficult being scared by someone you are losing respect in. Respect is the beginning of fear. Stannis Baratheon can yell at me as much as he would like. I will keep staring at him, unmoved by his shouts.

"You can breathe a sigh of relief, Father. From now on, I am someone else's problem." I said. I took one last sip of the wine, draining it down, and I put out the pipe. With one last deep breath, I got on my feet. Father was still staring at me." Shall we?" I asked. We might as well get it all over with.

"Angry as you may be, you look truly beautiful." He said. His words did touch me, but I did not show it." You look like my mother; as much as I can remember her, at least." He said.

"Thank you." I whispered. I knew it before, and I was sure of it now; respect and anger cannot affect love. As angry as I am, the man is still my Father, and I still love him. That is why I didn't pull away when he hugged me. When you are the daughter of Stannis Baratheon, you take every hug you are offered.

We did not say a word once we both pulled away. He simply offered me his hand and I accepted it.

The dress, the cloak, the hair. For the first time in my entire life, I looked like a princess. And never more have I felt out of place than I do now.

I knew our route by heart; of course I did. The same halls I use to run as a child, I am now walking as a princess, as a bride to be. By the end of the day, I will be walking these same halls as a Queen in the North, a Stark, a stranger. No, I have challenged myself. I believe I have never felt more out of place than I do now, yet, it will probably be even worse in a matter of hours, perhaps even minutes.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to turn away and run. I wanted to find Matthos and run away with him, not even looking back. I wanted to jump into the ocean and save myself the pain.

But I did nothing. I kept walking, my steps as certain as I was not. Shireen. Father. The Kingdom. I have too many faiths to be responsible of. My escape or death would probably end them all. And Sophia Baratheon never declines the offer of being the sacrifice.

I was aware that this will be a small ceremony. After all, we merely had hours to prepare for it. Still, I was surprised when we walked into the hall. Less than 20 people. I could see Lady Stark, Mother, Shireen, Melisandre, Davos, and to my great pain, Matthos. They all turned to us as we walked in, but he did not. He looked ahead of him, as if it would pain him to see me. It probably would.

Aware of the fact that I put my duty ahead of it all, I looked away from him and I looked at my future husband.

This is not a pleasant ordeal for either one of us, and that was evident. It seems to me that I am the one who's handling this better, and I could not be more surprised. It should have been the other way around. But no. I'm calmly walking towards him, each step parting me from the only life I've ever known. Each step pulling me more and more away from Shireen, my parents, Matthos. Yet, it was the King who was shaking.

I know he was avoiding looking at me because I kept my eyes on him. When our eyes did meet, I could tell that he isn't about to run off and leave me stranded; he's simply nervous. As terrified as I was, I needed to remember that he doesn't know his wife either.

My heart was beating faster than it should once the journey was over and I was standing in front of him. Father let go of my hand and joined Mother beside the other guests. Gods, I don't belong with him anymore. I truly am someone else's problem now.

And he scares me. For all I know, I am going to have to endure a lifetime of insults and beating. It might not end up being the story I wished for. It probably won't.

I looked up at him again. He does not seem like a bad man. He is distant and cold, but I can't exactly blame him for it. Feeling my eyes on him, he looked at me as well. His stare was more than uncomfortable. Until he softened it with a small smile. The smile was barely there, barely visible and only for a fraction of a second, but long enough for me to notice it and to be thankful for it.

While his smile did ease it all up a little bit, it could only do so much. My mind is working too fast and I cannot find a reason to believe that this is not the worst mistake of my entire life.

I barely even listened to the Septon; I could register him talking about the sacred bond that is marriage and how we should honor it for as long as we shall live. He kept opening his mouth, words kept coming out, but I could not focus on that. All I could think about was when will we leave? When will I have to leave Shireen? What will I leave her with? Will Mother do as she promised? And if she does not, what is there left for me to do? Will I ever see Matthos again? Even if I do, will we ever be able to talk, like the friends we used to be? And Robb Stark? Will he treat me well? Will we respect one another?

The Septon kept talking, and soon enough, Robb Stark was talking as well. Before I knew it, so was I. I paid no attention to the words coming out of my mouth. I just kept repeating after them, promising the King my love and loyalty and all the things I cannot give him.

I didn't realize it had happened; we are married. I looked at him, knowing that I will spend the rest of my life by his side. It all came down to this. And now, it's over. Just like it didn't happen at all.

Lady Sophia Baratheon. For the bigger part of my life, I was Lady Sophia Baratheon. Then, I became Princess Sophia Baratheon, heir to Stannis Baratheon, head of House Baratheon and one true King of Westeros. And now… Now, I am Sophia Stark, wife to Robb Stark. The Queen in the North.

My hands were shaking. My whole body was shaking as that thought settled. Why am I surprised? I had hours to prepare myself for this? Why did it catch me by complete surprise?

He was holding my hand; he could feel it shaking. His eyes met mine, and I could see understanding behind them. Or was it compassion? Pity, perhaps? I cannot say what it was, but I imagine he did not take it against me. He squeezed my hand, but not in the act of taking pride over his possession; he did it for reassurance. As if he was reminding me that I am not alone in this, after all.

He put on a cloak over my shoulders, and therefore, as the Septon said, put me under his protection.

At a normal wedding ceremony, we would have said the words that honor the Seven, and our marriage would be "blessed" by them. However, R'hllor prefers something different, and I suppose Robb Stark wanted to respect my Father's wishes. The Northerners believe in the Old Gods, my family believes in the Lord of the Light, and yet, the rest of Westeros believes in the New Gods. We pledged our loyalty to one another, honoring R'hllor, but I find it highly unlikely that any Gods, Old, New, Light, Dark, Dead or Living would bless this union.

Septon stopped talking; I looked at Robb, not knowing what am I supposed to do. I haven't been to many weddings, especially ones that combined three different religions. The silence was almost agonizing, and it grew even more once I realized that this is the time when the couples are supposed to share a kiss.

I do not even know him. We barely spoke. Nevertheless, he leaned toward me. I closed my eyes. Despite being utterly petrified, I managed to close my eyes. The relief I felt when his lips touched my forehead was indescribable. Never before had such a weight been lifted off my shoulders. Without forcing any sort of intimacy on me, he managed to fulfill his obligations. He offered me his hand, which I took, not really having another choice. We turned to the people, or our guests.

I looked straight at Shireen. She had a big smile on her face, as if this was a joyous occasion. I suppose it was, for her. Perhaps she does not the imagination I had, but she does have that childlike innocence. I will pray to whichever God hears my prayers for it to remain that way.

I smiled back at her. It was a natural reaction, unforced.

I did not consider my next move. My mind was in another place. I simply did not think it through. My eyes traveled across the room, and they were met by Matthos's stare. It felt as if a thousand sharp daggers were thrown at me at once. The pain I felt was very much equivalent to that. It hurt like hell.

…

…

…

I imagined that the worst part was over. As we had no time for preparations of any kind, as the number of those attending the wedding did not surpass the number 20, I expected it was all over, not just the worst part. It is safe to say that I was surprised with the feast that awaited us.

Apparently, this was a joyous occasion that needed to be celebrated appropriately. My Father's men were already drunk by the time we have joined the celebrations; there were even a few of Stark men, the ones who followed their King on his way here. Surely they could have not expected this.

I did not say a single word, not to anyone. I was sitting next to Robb and I was smiling to anyone who smiled at me. I am well aware that I do not look believable, not at all. And neither does he. It is written on our faces; we would both do whatever it takes, only to be away from here.

Never before had I been in a more uncomfortable situation. I am sitting next to my husband, a man I do not even know. Across the room sits the man who I love and I cannot be with. My husband looks as if he'd rather be tortured, and so does his mother. My mother, on the other hand, is beaming, happy that her eldest daughter had finally made a good decision, the first one in her life. And then we have Father, who looks like he would much rather be killed in battle than spend another moment in this room.

And a whole crowd of people I don't know, drinking, singing and celebrating, completely unaware of the fact that none of us are not celebrating. So longs as their bellies are full and minds are blurry.

I wanted it to be over. I was close to praying to whatever God would hear me out. The feast I could handle, if only I had a chance to speak to someone. On the one side, I have my quiet and brooding husband and on the other, I have my quiet and brooding father who I am still, very much, angry with. If I had someone around to have a decent conversation with, I would have handled it. I would have handled it all, if we were not wasting valuable time.

Here we are, getting drunk, while there is a war to be won. Here I am, sitting in complete silence, while I could be spending time with my sister. I still do not know how long I have before we leave; I should be spending every waking moment with Shireen. And I am not. I cannot.

I sighed in complete defeat. I realized just what a mistake that was when Robb looked at me.

"Well, at least someone is having fun." He said. I frowned at him. What? Does he truly think I will find his sarcasm funny? I am having fun? In which way? He could see that I am confused, and he gestured with his head, down at the people. I looked, and I could see what he meant. They were enjoying this; singing songs of fair maidens and brave knights, pouring the ale and wine as if it was water. I smiled.

"Just give them a reason, and they'll be drunk in seconds." I said, smiling at them. Oh, I can't blame them. To them, this truly is a joyous occasion. Their princess is married, and to a King, nonetheless. And the Northerner King is married, about to start a family and rule Westeros. To those who are not in this union, it was a happy occasion indeed.

"I am afraid Northerners do not bother with reasons." He said, and I laughed. Sadly, the laughter died soon enough. Especially now that I can recall my previous misconceptions about Northerners and realizing that I might not be that wrong after all." It is understandable." He added.

"Yes, it is." I agreed, with a frown on my face." When you are a guest, you do not really consider anything, do you? You simply eat, drink, dance and have a good laugh. It does not even cross your mind that the two people in front of you do not even know each other." I said. Damn my mouth. It was already too late once I realized what I was ranting about; in front of him, out of all the people!

"Not to mention that they are expected to spend the rest of their lives together." He said, frowning. I almost smiled once he continued my rant. It seems like we do have something in common!

"Who is bothered with such trivial things? There is enough alcohol to last the night, it's a wedding, why bother?" I asked, shaking my head in disbelief. The worst part is that we are exactly the same like they are; if it were someone else sitting here and not us we would be having the time of our lives.

"It is all the more special because it is a wedding between a King and a Princess." He added.

"The joining of the Houses. Long live the Starks and the Baratheons." I said, sarcastically lifting my goblet as if it were a toast. I did took a sip of wine; a big one at that. I need it in order to survive this all.

"Long live the King." He added in a whisper, and I almost chocked. When I looked at him, he was smiling.

"And let us not forget the bloody Queen." I said. As always, it was already too late once I realized that I cursed in front of the King. But he was laughing, and I suppose it does not matter anymore. The King is no longer some strange, unfamiliar entity; he is my husband. I should not be scared of him.

I am not a fool to think that everything has miraculously gotten better simply because we had this brief interaction. It was exactly that; a simple brief interaction. That tells me nothing about him; not how will he treat me, or how he would raise our children. Sadly, this is not a simple dance, where we would be close to each other for one song, and then we will part ways. I am stuck with this man until the day I die. A little bit of laughter influenced by strong wine does not make it better, not one bit.

He looked at me as I was staring at him. I realized how rude that was, but I could not look away. And neither did he. We were sitting there, staring at each other, unable to vocalize our thoughts. I could be only sure of one thing; I do not wish to know what is passing through his head.

I was the one who turned away; to look at my plate; anything to break eye contact with him. Once more, my mind was way ahead of me and I finally realized that the worst is in fact, yet to come. Even more than before, I wanted to grab Matthos by the hand, put Shireen over my shoulders and run. Just run, as far as my legs would take me, as far as the boat could go.

I wanted to run because I have completely forgotten about the wedding night.

 **I'm back, that's all I'll say. I'll save my apologies, and just say that I'm back, after a very long time. Expect a new chapter very soon! Love you all! Annie**


	11. Chapter 11

Despite the fact that he probably ruined my life by making me enter this marriage, Father at least did one good thing; there will be no bedding ceremony. I was not even aware of that, until I hear my Mother and Lady Catelyn talk about it; apparently, King Robb is not too keen on that tradition as well, and it was a decision both him and my father agreed on. At least I heard some good news today.

My relief was very short lived; the fact that there was no bedding ceremony does not mean that there will be no bedding. I am not that lucky. It is still expected of me to fulfill my marital duties. The notion of that made me keep filling my goblet with whatever alcoholic beverage I could get my hands on. Robb Stark might be under the impression that he married a drunk, but I couldn't care less; if he expects me to survive this day, I need something else in my veins beside blood.

The fact that the man I love is in this room is not helping me at all. I did my best not to look his way; why should I make this more difficult than it already is, for the both of us? Soon enough, I shall leave. My life will not include him in any way. Hopefully, he can find someone who deserves him; perhaps he will have more luck than I did, and actually care for the person that is chosen for him. I hope he will chose her himself; he deserves as much. My departure will probably make it easier for him. At least someone might benefit from that.

Shireen was not happy. Yes, she was smiling and probably enjoying the celebrations, but I could tell, I could tell just by the way we exchanged our looks; she is not happy. And she was not afraid to show it; she was waving at me, gesturing for me to come to her. And I could not do that.

"I believe your little sister requires your company." Robb Stark said to me. At first I thought he was looking down on Shireen; perhaps even insulted by her behavior. Only when I looked at him did I realize that he had a smile on his face; he was amused. I forgot he was the eldest child as well; he probably knows well enough what it is like to be responsible for someone.

"While I would love to join her, I doubt that would be found appropriate." I said, careful with choosing my words. I believe he understood what I meant; it is expected from me to sit by his side and look regal, not to play with children. My actions affect him as well now; I am sadly no longer an entity of my own.

"You should spend time with your sister, Sophia." He told me. While it sounded as if he was giving me permission, I could hear it in his voice that he did not look at it that way." I am quite familiar with the rage of a younger sister. I do not wish for you to feel it on your skin as well." He said, smiling. And I could not help but smile back. So far, he lived up to his reputation; kind and honorable. And his words only reminded me of his missing sisters; the younger one was still nowhere to be seen as far as I know of, and the older one is still kept a hostage by the Lannister. As far as I know, the other two children are alive and well, but that does not change the fact that two of them are not. I do not envy him, not one bit. If someone were to do something, anything to Shireen, I would claw their eyes out in a heartbeat. He may not have the savagery in him, but I imagine him having the same sort of fantasies.

"Well, if you have no objections to it, may I be excused?" I asked him. I would rather sound like I am asking my father for permission, than to force any kind of false ease. In twenty years' time, if both him and I are alive and well, I will probably not talk to him in such manner; only now, I have no other option.

"Of course you may." He said, giving me a small smile, possibly that of encouragement. He is forcing the false ease, but I can only suppose that is better for him, than to act like a father giving me permission.

This is incredibly wrong; at this point, I believe it is not possible to see it ending well. Unfortunately, I can just wait. Time will tell. In the meantime, I will use it to spend time with my sister while I still can.

I walk over to where Shireen was sitting and her face lights up when I finally join her.

"What is he like? The King?" She asks; as if I could not know who she meant. I smile down at her.

"I don't know Shireen. I barely spoke to him." I tell her and she frowns; I imagine she expected me to reassure her that he is a nice man. While he seemed nice enough, I barely spoke to him." It takes a lot of time to get to know someone properly Shireen. It takes years, not a few sentences." I tell her.

"Are you happy?" She asks me. Gods forgive me, I still manage to forget how young and green she is.

"No. But I would not say I'm particularly unhappy either." I say. Why didn't I just lie to her?

"That makes no sense." She tells me and I laugh. No, it does not. It makes no sense at all.

"I told you this before Shireen, you are fully aware how arranged marriages go. I may not love The King, but I respect him greatly, and I do believe I am very lucky with this match." I say. I cannot say if believe those words myself. He may be young and his lady mother may assure me that he is a kind man, but I can only imagine what my life is going to be like. I can only imagine and hope for the best. Either way, I will not tell my only sister that I might have married a brute savage. Even if I did, that is my price to pay and not hers. Whether my marriage ends up being a good or a miserable one, that shall be my burden.

"At least he is not old and wrinkly." Shireen says and I start laughing. True enough; the Late Walder Fray comes to mind; in that sense, I was very lucky indeed. Robb Stark is a very handsome man. "He is looking at you, you know." Shireen adds and I have enough common sense not to look at the King.  
"Shireen, stop staring at him at once." I order her. She frowns at me.

"But he is staring at you."  
"So be it. It is rude and impolite to stare. And it's most certainly not kingly." I say. I couldn't give a rat's ass on what is kingly or not; I simply didn't want him thinking I'm using my little sister as my eyes.

"How come a King is not behaving kingly?" She asks me and I roll my eyes.

"Gods be good. Join me; let us dance. It's not a proper wedding celebration if the bride does not dance."

"With the husband, not her baby sister." Shireen corrects me and I roll my eyes.

"Do you see him asking for my hand?" I ask her, and when she shrugs her shoulders, I pull her by the hand. At first, we are met by curious glances; the king is not the only one that is not behaving very kingly. Father's men, father's people were used to my occasionally unorthodox behavior, but the northerners were not. I caught Father rolling his eyes at the sight in front of him, but in a matter of seconds, he was the only one who did not join in; most of the guests started either dancing beside the two of us, or clapping along to "The bear and the maiden fair". As Shireen and I danced in circles and sang along with the singers, I caught the King's mother smiling at us, and the King was clapping along with his men. Only in Westeros can we rejoice and dance to a song about bloody rape.

They haven't expect this from Stannis Baratheon's daughter, have they now?

The song ending have not stopped us; they kept on playing and singing and Shireen and I kept on dancing. Allard Seaworth interrupts us and I smile as I watch Shireen blushing when he offered her his hand and a dance. I step away and I make my way to Davos, who was standing away from the crowd.

"Ser Davos, are you going to make a lady ask for a dance?" I ask him and he smiles at me.

"I'm not much of a dancer, but if it pleases Your Grace." He says. It was like a smack in the face.  
"Do not call me that." I tell him." No. "Lady" was bad enough. Do not dare and call me that, Davos."

"You are a Queen now." He tells me as he accepts my hand; I suppose I did ask for the dance after all.

"Not to you I'm not, Ser Davos." I say as we join in on the dance." Do not fight me on this, Davos. I may be a Queen from this day forward, but to you I shall be simply Sophia. And if you have a complaint about that, well, in that case, as your Queen, I command you to call me simply by my given name." I say.

"Very well, Sophia." He says, and I smile at him. I focus on my own two legs for a moment; I may have been the one that started the dance, but I am in no way a terrific dancer; if I focus enough, I can avoid utter embarrassment, but I have two left feet." Shouldn't you be dancing with the King?" Davos asks.

"Which one?" I ask, and he barely manages to hold back a chuckle. Oh, the irony. It is lovely.

"I meant the King in the North, but I suppose it can go both ways." Davos says and I laugh.  
"Well, I doubt Father danced at his own wedding; I shall not, as they say it, "push my luck". And as for my Lord husband, well, if he does ask, I shall not refuse." I say. Davos gave me that look of his, the one fathers save mainly for their daughters, and once again, I feel as if he was more of a father than Stannis ever was. I might be his blood, I might be loyal to the bone, but Davos is the one who told me stories.

"He seems like I kind man." Davos says, and I nod.  
"That he does." I agree.

"He is from a good house. He's a King. He's young and handsome." Davos says.

"Shireen says the same thing; I agree. And yet, he's still nothing more than a stranger." I say. We can all sing him praises, but that does not change the fact that I do not know him. It is as simple as that.

That will change; time will pass, and I will get to know him. Hopefully, I will get to know a truly kind man, as they all say he is. But that time will not come soon, and I need to wait for it, very patiently.

"Soon enough, Sophia, you will know him. When married, you don't have much of a choice." Davos said and I let out a chuckle. Oh, I am fully aware just how much I am bound to the King in the North.

"Oh, I am sure of that Ser Davos." I say. I smile and shake my head." I'll live. Marrying someone is not much of a sacrifice. I still have a head on my shoulders. As does my family. That is all that matters."

"Ser Davos; mind if I interrupt?" I hear the King ask, and when I turn, sure enough, he is standing there.

"Of course not, Your Grace." Davos says as he steps away from me. Quite appropriately, the song ends and a much slower one begins. The King nods, and I give him a tight smile before he puts one hand on my waist, the other one holding my hand. We are closer now than ever before; it is as if my own bubble of air is being infiltrated. I'd better get used to it too; I imagine he will be doing that often from now on.

"All things considered, the reception is quite lovely." I say, feeling as if I should say something to him.

"All things considered?" He asks.

"Well, yes. We had just one day." I say. That and the fact that neither one of us is particularly happy because of this union, not that it matters. I almost, almost step on his foot. Luckily, I avoid it.

"True, there was very little time." He agrees before twirling me around. I suddenly regret not having more dancing lessons with our late Septa; they would have come in handy just now. Thankfully, I was forced to have at least a small number of lessons; I know just about enough not to embarrass myself." You are very lovely as well my lady." He says. I cannot say if he means what he says, but he is looking me in the eyes; I am the one who has to look away before forcing myself to look him in the eyes again.

"Thank you, Your Grace." I say, and I can tell my cheeks are burning up; whether he was truthful or not matters not; if he was lying, he was kind enough to lie. And that should be enough for me." I have to apologize, Your Grace. I, for one, am not good with words." I mumble, knowing all too well that I should say something equally as nice to him, and knowing that I won't be able to do that.

"There is no need to apologize, my Lady." He tells me, and I do feel relief." I know and understand that this is not what you wanted. And I do feel terribly sorry for that." He says.

"Correct my if I'm wrong, Your Grace, but you did not wish for this to happen either, did you?"

"No, but I always knew it was going to happen." He says, and for the first time, he is the one that looks away from me as we keep dancing." I did not know that my wife would be you, Stannis Baratheon's eldest daughter, but I was always aware of the fact that I will have to marry into an alliance. My apologies, my Lady. You are not an alliance, you are my lady wife." He says and I manage to smile at him.

"I can be both, Your Grace." I say and he manages to give me a small smile in return." Worry not; I do know how arranged marriages go. I was prepared for one ever since I was old enough." I tell him.

"I cannot promise you much my Lady, but I can promise you that I shall treat you with the respect you deserve." He says.

"And I do not ask for anything else, Your Grace. You can rest assured that I shall give you the same in return." I tell him. These words are not easy words to say. I have already promised myself to him, in more ways than one, but this is different, very different.

We need to do this together. If we are to be husband and wife, there needs to be more than duty in this marriage. Love would be ideal, but I am not getting my hopes up. at the very least, there needs to be understanding and respect between the two of us, and I do believe that we shall reach that. Not today, probably not tomorrow, but hopefully soon enough. Our unborn child is to be the rightful King of all of Westeros if all goes by plan, and I, for one, shall not let my unborn child grow up in a broken home.

I grew up in one, and I know how it affected me. For the future of my family, both Baratheon and Stark, I need to make this marriage work.

No, we, as a couple, need to make this marriage work.

But to say something like that on our wedding day would probably be taking it a step too further.

We stop dancing as soon as the song is finished. The King gives me a bow and takes me by the hand; I do my best not to be surprised by his touch, and I do believe I manage to hide my reactions. We walk back towards the table, hand in hand. And once again, I cannot help but think of what is yet to come.

 **I told ya' I was back :D I wasn't joking. Expect a new update soon.**

 **And THANK YOU! Thank you, thank you, thank you for not forgetting this story. Thank you for just starting this journey. Expect a big surprise in the next chapter** **Love you! Annie**


	12. Chapter 12

I knew what was waiting for me, just around the corner. It was difficult enough without that fear taking complete control over me. I cannot even look at the King; a man who is my husband, yet nothing more than a stranger. I feel him next to me, I can hear his breaths and chuckles and sighs, and I cannot bear to look him in the eyes, not now, not when I am thinking of my pending doom.

How can I do that? How can I let him have me in every possible way? How can I hand myself over to him when I do not know who I'm handing myself over to?

I look at my father and I can tell he can feel my eyes on him, I can just tell. He cannot look me in the eyes because he knows. He knows the thoughts that are running through my mind, making me all the more nervous than I was before. He can tell and he does not care.

It's duty. It's what I was supposed to do, what I was born to do. I was born to be his pawn, for him to use in an alliance, I was born to breed and mother children and be nothing more than a wife. It's my duty, and that's good enough for him. Good enough for him not to care about anything else.

Good enough for him not to care about me.

I can feel that I am one step away from shaking. I know it will happen, but knowing that and expecting it to happen doesn't make it any easier. It's inevitable. It will happen, whether I want it to or not.

Our guests were beyond drunk. I wish I could say it was just the north men, but no. Even father's men were drunk beyond belief. I wasn't shocked, or surprised. I was envious, more than anything else.

I wish I could just drink my sorrows and worries away, but I cannot. It is not fitting for a Queen.

Even though I firmly believe ale and wine could help me tonight.

"Lady Sophia?" I hear him say and I just nod my head, not being able to look at him." I believe it is time."

"As you wish, Your Grace." I mumble.

In my foolish hopes, I believed our exit could go unnoticed. I believed everyone was too drunk and happy and busy with the celebrations to notices the two of us, even the King and Queen that we are. I was more than wrong.

As soon as the King got on his feet, all eyes were drawn to him. He waited for me to get up as well, I could feel it. And as much as I didn't want to do it, I knew I could not leave the King by himself in this. So I got up as well, and now, all eyes were on me.

"Good people of Dragonstone, my Northerners, enjoy tonight. Enjoy the feast and the celebrations. My Queen and I bid you a good night." The King said, and cheers erupted in the hall.

I wish the ground could split open. I wished to be dragged into the deepest pit of hell. I can tell that I am red in the face, and I do my best to ignore the cheers and jests targeted to us. I was staring straight at the ground as the King took me by the hand, yet again, and led us away from the hall.

It was easier once the cheers were behind us, and the doors were closed. Only, the relief lasted for mere seconds; then I remembered where I was heading to and who I was heading there with.

"Um, Lady Sophia?" the King asked, and I finally looked up." I must say I have no idea where are the chambers that were prepared for us." He says, and I finally understand his wariness. And in a moment of pure weakness, I chuckle. And to my surprise, he chuckles as well.

"Follow me, Your Grace." I say, and this time around, it's me that is pulling our hands." And please, do call me by my name Your Grace. Just Sophia." I tell him.

"Only if you call me Robb as well." He insists.

"I'll do my best. Robb." I say. Saying his name is even stranger than him calling me "his Queen". I suppose it is just one more thing on a whole list of things I should simply get used to.

"You have a lovely name. Do you know of its heritage?" He asks me. I shall not show him just how surprised I actually I am now; is he really trying to have some small talk? Does he think that is a good idea? Is he in denial or what? I might as well just answer the damned question.

"Thank you. And I am embarrassed to say that I do not know the history of my name, nor if someone and who had it before me. I believe Mother just liked the sound of the name, and Father did not have any complaints." I say.

"Well, your mother made a great choice." He tells me, and once again, I avoid looking directly at him.

"What about you? Robb? As in Robert?" I ask him.

"Yes, I was named after your uncle. Forgive me; I should not have mentioned him." He tells me.

"Worry not; I mentioned him, after all. His passing did not affect me as much as Renly's did. Uncle Robert and I never had a strong relationship. He was either too drunk to have a decent conversation or not interested in my presence at all. I believe he saw me as nothing more than my Father's shadow."

"Well, I have known you for just more than one whole day and I can already tell that he was wrong."

"You do not see me as my father's shadow?"

"No, I do not." He tells me. I cannot explain why, but I believed him, I truly did.

"You'd have to be the first." I mumble.

"I don't think I am, Sophia. Anyone who sees you with Lady Shireen can say the same." He tells me.

"Well, younger siblings can awake the affection in us, can't they? My apologies, I forgot. Your sisters, they…" I start, but to my surprise, Robb just shakes his head.

"They are alive and we are going to save them. I believe in a good outcome now." He says.

"Because of the alliance you made with my father?" I ask.

"Yes. Once again, things will be as they should have been all along." He tells me.

"I believe in a good outcome as well. I told my father, time and time again, he cannot win alone. I should be glad he finally listened to me." I say. Of course, at the time I did not predict that I shall be married to his main ally, but I shouldn't be surprised it came to that.

"I should have suspected he didn't come to his senses on his own." Robb chuckled, and I couldn't help myself; I let out a laugh myself.

"Sometimes you need to listen to what others tell you."

"If you advised your Father to side with me, I am very glad I shall have you as an advisor."

"As an advisor?" I ask.

"Forgive me; I grew up watching my mother being my father's greatest ally. I always imagined the same for my marriage." He says. I remember what his mother told me; how she hadn't known Eddard Stark until her wedding day, and how she grew to love him none the less. I wish I could hope for that, but I do not dare. It is easier for me not to hope. I can end up simply being pleasantly surprised. On the other hand, if I hope and believe, and it all falls to pieces… I do not know what will keep me from falling apart.

"We have arrived." I say. I was glad I did not have to respond to his words; I was unsure on what to say. I open the door of the chambers; the chambers I never stayed in. The chambers no one ever stayed in, come to think of it. The room was only ever used when Shireen would hide, waiting for me to find her. I almost smile at the memory, but my nervousness gets the best of me; this time, I am actually shaking; my hands shake as I close the door behind us.

What am I to do now? What will he do? How is it supposed to happen?

Gods be good, I don't even know the man! The fact that he was kind enough so far does not change a bloody thing. I need a drink; that is the only thing I know. It was as if Robb could read my mind. He filled two goblets with what appeared to be wine, and he handed me one of them. Yes, it's wine, and it is not strong enough for my taste.

We stood in silence, and I cannot tell which one of us was drinking faster. He is nervous as well, I can tell it now. Unlike me, he can look at me; I can feel his eyes on me, but I cannot bear to look up at him. I simply cannot do it. Looking at him would make it all the more real.

"Um, you should… You should know that I…" I start off, but I cannot find the right words. I manage to look up at him, and I could see him silently encouraging me to speak my mind. If only it were that easy." I… I've never done this. God's be good, of course I haven't; as if Stannis Baratheon would offer you a daughter who was not a maiden." I mumble, stunned by my own stupidity. What, did he think I head years of bloody experience? That I work in a brothel in my spare time? I have had some low moments in my life, but this has to be one of the lowest. I am left awed by my own stupidity.

"Sophia, please." The King said, and I started shaking my head, still in utter disbelief. I did not stop shaking, not until he grabbed me by the shoulders. I was basically forced to look at him. He was not hurting me in any way; I genuinely believe he got a hold of me only to calm me down." Sophia, please, stop shaking. I will not touch you. Not tonight, at least." He tells me.

It takes me a second to realize what he just said and a few more seconds to actually process it properly.

"Why not?" I ask him, utterly surprised. I am not complaining, not at all. I just want to know why.

"For one, you are shaking like a leaf." He tells me. I cannot argue with him on that; at least he finally drops his hands of my shoulders." We barely know each other. I cannot do that to you." He says.

He wants to protect me. Or so he says.

"But our duty…" I say. I do not know what I am doing him. I do not want him to bed me, yet I sound as if I am trying to convince him to do so! No, I do not want that, but I still do not understand.

"We will have a child. We will fulfill our duty. Just not tonight. Not when… when we're nothing more than strangers."

"And husband and wife." I add. Strangers we may be, but soon enough, that will have to be changed.

"You may be my wife, now and forever, but I do not know you. I do not know the deepest, darkest secrets of your mind. I do not know your desires. I do not know what makes you laugh and what makes you sad. And I won't allow that. The first man who touches you will not be a stranger."

"And I won't fight you on it. In fact, I am very grateful. But they will know."

"What goes on behind our chamber's door is nobody's concern but yours and mine. For all they know, we have conceived an heir tonight." He tells me. I stare at his icy blue eyes. I see no affection in them, but yet again, he has proven to be kind and just. If his reasons are true, that is. He is the one that looks away." We should get ready for bed. We have a very long day ahead of us." he tells me.

We both get changed in silence, our backs turned away from each other. Thankfully, my night gown covers more than it reveals. How ironic is it that I genuinely believe I'd be more comfortable naked than I am in this? I am under thick covers soon enough, and I do my best to ignore the fact that so is he; he is too close for my comfort. I can only thank the Gods he had enough common sense to not push himself on me. But why would he? If he wanted it, if he genuinely wanted it, why wouldn't he do it? Is he really that kind, that just? Or is this all just pretend?

How is it possible that I feel rejected because he didn't do something I didn't want him to do?

"Sophia?" he calls me, and my heart skips a beat. What if he had changed his mind?

"Yes, Robb?"

"Have you ever loved someone?"

I should be bothered by his question, but I am not. I should not tell him the truth, I should avoid it at all costs. But I feel the need to speak the truth. However bad that may end for me.

"I think I have." I tell him, in a voice no louder than a whisper.

"If you truly loved, your answer would have been yes. When you love, you know it. You do not question it, you do not doubt it, and you are certain of it with every bone in your miserable body."

"You speak like a man who has known love himself." I say, and only when those words come out of my mouth, I realize it." You have loved someone, haven't you?" I ask.

"All my life, I looked up to my father." He tells me, and my confusion grows with every single word of his." In everything, in every aspect. I still do. I still look up to him. And his honor. I will always look up to his honor. And when I thought about my own marriage, arranged or not, I imagined it like his and my mother's marriage. A loving couple with kids they'd do anything for. I always wanted that, I craved for it, when the time was right. My friends never understood why I never went to brothels with them. They did not care for my explanation, nor did I give it to them. I just always knew, I wanted my lady wife to be the one and only woman I will ever have. Until the day I met her. Even then, I still thought the same way, I was certain I'd make her my wife. No Frey girls or arranged marriages could stop that. And here I am now. With my wife and my arranged marriage and she left for Volantis."

Out of all the things I have expected to hear from him, this was not one of them. I needed a moment, a moment to gather my thoughts and to find the words in which I could respond.

I cannot blame him. He did not even know of me when he fell for her. I cannot blame him.

"What is her name?" I ask.

"Talisa." He answers me.

Talisa. Talisa is the woman my husband loves. She sounds… exotic, attractive, passionate. Everything I never was, everything I will never be.

"Do you miss her?"

"Every day." He says, and once again, I feel rejected. It only makes sense, even if I haven't had the time to start caring for the man. It's someone else. It's always going to be someone else. When he looks at me, when he kisses me, when I give birth to his sons, he will wish that I was her.

I might as well get used to it.

"But every day I miss her less than I did the day before." He says once I did not respond." And one day, I might wake up and I won't think of her. I hope that day comes. I hope I will be fair to you."  
"You are fair. Just by telling me." I mumble, and I stop to take a deep breath." I am… I am glad you told me. If you hadn't, I would have wondered. Neither one of us wanted this, or planned on it. The only thing we can do is to try and manage. We can try and do our best in this situation."

"And that man? That man you might have loved? What is his name?" Robb asks me. Once again, I know I should keep my mouth shut, but I simply can't.

"Matthos. Ser Davos's son." I say, and this time, it was Robb that was silent." We never stood a chance, and we never tried. My Father would never have allowed it, and neither would Davos. I suppose it is true what they say. Love is the death of duty and duty's the death of love."

"Who can say? Perhaps it is for the best this way." He says. It's dark, and even if I dared to look at him, I know I couldn't see his face. But I know that I could easily read it. I knew I could tell he himself does not believe in the words he just told me.

Yes, he will win a war this way. But he knows all too well that I will never be his Talisa.

I can do all that is in my power, but I will never be her. I will never be able to take her place. I can give birth to ten sons, and I'll never take her place. He might grow to love me, however unlikely that is, but I will not be her, not even then. It will always be that girl; Talisa.

The sooner I accept that, it will be better for me. I will always be second best. He will wake up next to me and wish I was her. He'll whisper her name in his dreams, not mine.

He is right; I did not love Matthos in that way. Yes, I love the man, and I love him a lot. A part of me will always grieve for what we could have been, but it wasn't real, genuine, consumed love. It wasn't what Robb apparently had with his girl.

Lucky Robb. He'll have no one to be compared to. What a lucky King.

"Sleep well, Your Grace." I mumble as I turn my back to him on my side of the bed.


	13. Chapter 13

"I am sorry, I truly am. I know you want me to agree with you, and I cannot. I do not think that decision is the right decision." I tell him. Less than one day. It took me less than one bloody day to have my first disagreement with my husband. Who just so happens to be my King as well. This has to be a first.

"Sophia, I cannot bring you with me to the battlefield?" He tells me, and I shake my head.

"No, you can. But you will not. There is a difference Your Grace."

"Robb." He corrects me and it takes all the strength I have in me not to roll my eyes." And you are right. I can, but I will not." He agrees, and I sigh, no longer being in control of my slightly irrational reactions.

"Why not? Do you truly believe I am better of here? Or locked in some other castle?" I ask him.

"I think you are safer in some castle, yes." He says.

"And what is the use in keeping me safe?" I ask him.

"Sophia, I might die. Your father might die. You know that very well." He says.

"Yes, and if you do die, you do not have a son to inherit you. Or a daughter. It will be your sister, who is in King's Landing, married to a Lannister. And if my Father happens to die along with you, I am fairly positive both of your armies will parish as well. Which means that I will not have an army to inherit, along with the title. If one, or even the both of you, dies, I am as good as dead as well." I tell him.

"Sophia, that is not the truth, and you know it." He tells me, and this time, I do roll my eyes." Whatever is left of our armies will follow you. You will still have a chance to do what is right. Please, I beg of you. Listen to me, and stay behind. For your own safety." He tells me.

I am no fool; I understand fully well that I would be safer this way. Not just me, but what remains of his family, and my family as well. But I do not want to do that. I do not want to be helpless. If he wants me to be his trusted advisor, I need to be by his side to do the bloody job! He is such a mess; one moment, he says one thing and the next, he says or does something that completely erases those words from before. It is very difficult not to see this as an attempt to keep me away from him.

"I have two conditions." I say, after what can only be described as a very long silence.

"Conditions?" He asks, and I can hear the surprise in his voice. For a second, I forgot that he was a King.

"Conditions might be a harsh word, but yes, conditions." I say. I shall not back down. He might be a King but I am a Queen. And I am a daughter and hair of another King. If there is anyone that can stand her ground while speaking to a King, it is me. It is a mere coincidence this King happens to be my husband.

"Alright. Speak your mind."

"I need to know where you plan on keeping me. Here, at Dragonstone? At Riverrun? At a war camp in a middle of nowhere? There are endless possibilities." I say.

"I thought it might be best for you to be at Winterfell?" He says.  
"Winterfell?" I snap." Why in the name of the Gods would you send me off as far away as Winterfell?"

"For one, if I do die, you will have the time to run, as well as my mother and my family." He says. That does make sense." And Winterfell is my home. It will be your home as well."

"I know, but it is a long way from here Robb." I tell him, shaking my head.

"It is the best option we have. Dragonstone can be attacked from all sides. Granted, so can Winterfell, but our main enemy is going to be a long way from it if it does happen." He tells me. It really does make more sense for me to be there, and not here, even if I don't find much sense in the rest of the plan." Now, please, what are your conditions?" He asks me.

"One, if you need me, in any way, you will let me know and I will leave my household duties and rush to your aid. And if you and my father take too long to return, I will come and join you." I say.

"That seems reasonable enough." He says with a nod." Alright. If you are needed in any way, I will call for you, and you shall join us. Now, what is the second condition?" He asks me.

"If I am going, and both you and Father are off to war, I want to bring Shireen with me." I tell him.

"Sophia, you know that is not up to me." He tells me, shaking his head." As far as I am concerned, you can bring your sister, but that is not our choice. Your Father needs to agree to that. The best you and I can do is to ask him and guarantee Shireen's safety while she is away." He tells me.

"Which is precisely what I want us to do." I tell him. I wonder how much I should share; the man is not blind, nor daft. He noticed some things during his stay here, I am sure of it." I do not know if you had paid any attention, but my Father is hardly a caring and an affectionate one. He loves us, yes, but mostly, we were left to our own devices. I managed, but Shireen is weaker than I was. She cannot be left here alone. And it is not just Father. Mother is even colder towards her, and I do not even want to think about that vile Red Woman. Davos is the only man I'd trust Shireen with, and he will be fighting with you. Saying that I want my sister with me is not me being… needy or complicated. It is a necessity. For that girl, I'd kill with my two bare hands. And I do not wish to come into that kind of situation."

"You were like a mother to her, weren't you?" Robb asks me, and once again, I see kindness in him.

"Yes. I had Davos when I was her age, she has Davos and me. I cannot leave her alone." I tell him.

"I will insist. I will talk to your Father about that, as soon as I meet with him." He assures me.

"Thank you. Now, will your mother be joining me in Winterfell? And what awaits for me there?" I ask him. I did not follow the war that closely; I was mostly interested in my Father's battles and what was going on in regions near us; Winterfell was far too north for me to be interested in it.

"As a matter of fact, you'd be of more help to me there than you know." He tells me, and I know he can tell just how confused I am." Bran and Rickon, my brothers, were presumed dead, killed by Theon Greyjoy. However, Greyjoy is a prisoner at Winterfell, and my brothers appear to be alive. My mother, who will be joining you as well, will do all that is in her power to find them. I need you to help her find them, and I need you to watch out for her."

I understand exactly what he means. Women are a special force of danger when it comes to their danger. And I have seen how Catelyn Stark looks at her eldest; that woman would turn every rock up in the North in order to find her sons. She will need my help to do so, and she will need me to keep her sane, even though I barely know the woman. All of a sudden, it is a lot easier for me to understand why he wanted me in Winterfell, and not here.

"You are aware that you will not have an heir, at the very least until we meet again?" I ask him. Well, that is if Talisa did not run back to Volantis with his child in her. And if she was with child, I highly doubt she would have run from him.

"I am. But neither one of us is leaving tomorrow. We still have a war to plan." He tells me.

Does he think he is less of a stranger now than he was last night? Perhaps he is, I cannot tell. What I do know, without a doubt, is that we said too much to each other in the little time we spent together. Both of us should have kept our mouths shot.

Or not? Perhaps it really is better this way. If we do not share love, the very least we can share is honesty and trust.

Either way, he needs an heir, and having one is our duty. We can only avoid trying for one for so long.

"This is beyond wrong. We need to have a child as soon as possible, and we barely know each other. And the only two options we have is to have a child and raise him in the battlefield, or try and have a child now, and leave me to raise him alone, as far away from you as possible. None of our choices are right, Robb. Whatever we do, we will be making a mistake." I tell him, shaking my head.

"I don't think we will." He says, and to my surprise, he bends down in front of me, and he takes my hand that was on my lap." I trust you. Yes, you might still be a stranger, but you are a stranger I trust. A stranger that has been a mother to her little sister. A stranger that, ultimately, wants the same thing I do. All things considered, it could be much worse."

"Yes. Let us say I do get with child while we are still here. I go to Winterfell, you go to war. You win and you come back. Not only will I be a stranger, but your child would be a stranger as well." I say.

"As wrong as that may be, the same thing happened with me." He tells me." My father went to war, and I was almost one name day old when he first held me in my arms. And my parents did not love each other when I was conceived. It was nothing more than duty."

"We might not end up being like your parents were."

"And we might end up exactly like them." He says. I am fairly positive Eddard Stark did not love a certain Volantis girl before he married Catelyn.

"If that is the case, if that is our plan, we cannot afford to be careful around each other. I cannot keep away from you because I am afraid of it; you cannot keep away from me because you love another. We are married, and if we are to have an heir, we really do have to start as soon as possible, despite our own troubles." I tell him, shaking my head.

"I know." He says." I never imagined I'd ever be having this conversation.

"Me neither. But we are having it." I say, and I shake my head." We will start tonight. We have no choice. What needs to be done needs to be done. If it is any consolation to the both of us, I know we will love that child, even if he was thoroughly planned with the words "what needs to be done, needs to be done" I say, and in a moment of pure weakness, we both start laughing.

"I did not expect Stannis Baratheon's daughter to be as funny as you are."

"Hold your horses, King in the North; I am full of surprises."

…

"Your Lord husband tells me you wish to bring Shireen with you to Winterfell when you leave." Father tells me. The moment I was invited to his chambers for supper, I knew what was going to be the main topic of our conversation. I was prepared for it, and Robb warned me that he informed him about our idea that we take Shireen with us. I was not caught off guard.

"Yes. You will go to war, and war front is no place for a child. And if she should remain here, she would be alone. This way, she will have a family member by her side. To have her fostered at Winterfell is the best idea we could have come up with. It will be good for her. It will be good for me as well."

"Do you believe your transition to another house will be that difficult?" He asks me.

"I know it will. Dragonstone and King's Landing are all I ever known. House Baratheon is all I ever known. I am a Stark now; I have new traditions to honor, new Gods to worship. Bringing Shireen with me will be as same as bringing the best piece of my home with me."

"It does sound reasonable enough." Father tells me. As long as it sounds reasonable to him, we are on a right path." Did you have a chance to ask Shireen what she thinks about your idea?" He asks me.

"No, I haven't seen her today. But I see no reason why she wouldn't agree." I say. There is no doubt in my mind that Shireen would be more than happy to follow me to Winterfell. Not only would she be with me, but it would be like an adventure to her. It would be like an adventure for me as well, though I believe it would be a different kind of adventure compared to Shireen's.

"I suppose that is correct; she would follow you wherever you would go."

"It is not just that, Father. You know she would be safer at Winterfell than here or with you on the front. She is your daughter as well, and if something were to happen to me, she would be your heir."

"I know. All right; she may join you." Father says, and I nod with a smile, not showing the amount of relief I felt. She is safe with me; with anyone else, she would have been in danger, but not with me.

"Thank you, Father." I say, and without further ado, I start eating. The sooner I am finished with my food, the sooner I can have an excuse to get the hell away from here. It hasn't been the same with Father, not since he handed me over to Robb Stark. I agreed to it, yes. I was prepared for that ever since I was old enough to realize that a loving marriage is a lot rarer than an arranged one. I think I just believed that Father could not do it as easily as he did. He did not blink an eye. And he did it all on Melisandre's advice. It is only understandable that I hold that against him.

"What do you think of your Lord husband?" Father asks me; I did not eat my food fast enough.

"I believe he will help you win the Iron Throne."

"That is not what I asked."

"What do you want me to say? I hardly know the man."

"I hardly knew your mother when I married her." He says.

"Yes, I know. And Lady Catelyn hardly knew Eddard Stark. That is our way. I do not wish to waste words talking about that. I am his wife from the moment he put that cloak over my shoulders until my last breath. I was raised well, you know that. I will be a proper wife." I tell him.

"You were raised to be a Queen, not a wife."

"Was I? That is not how I remember it. You could not have possibly predicted Robert's peril, not the fact that young Joffrey is a result of Queen Cersei and Kingslayer's incestuous ways. It was not until very recently that you became the rightful heir of that throne and Westeros."

"You are angry with me." He says and I smile at him.

"I would not call it anger. I would call it indifference. Now, if I may be excused, I would like to spend more time with my lord husband, and get to know him properly." I say as I stand up from my seat. I will not sit here and pretend as if everything is more than fine. He doesn't deserve my pretend.

"You may be excused." He says with a nod of his head. And I waste no time in getting away from there.

…

"Do you find that trusting him was a wrong decision?" I ask.

"Well, it turned out to be." Robb tells me, as he shakes his head." I trusted him. I was so certain that he was my friend and ally; Mother warned me not to put such trust in him, yet I did it anyway. And it ended with me loosing Winterfell, and my brothers as well. Or so we thought." He tells me.

"You could not have predicted that he would act the way he did." I shake my head at him.

"That is the problem; I could have. I knew Theon, I knew his character. He was loyal, yes, but not to me."

"You were friends. You never expect your friend to do something like that. I, for one, do not see the blame in you. If you thought any other way, you wouldn't really be his friend. And if we distrust ones we should trust, who do we trust?"

"That actually makes sense." He says, and we both chuckle.

"Of course it does. You had reasons not to expect his betrayal." I tell him.

"It matters not, not anymore. He is my prisoner now, and not a friend." He tells me before taking a sip of his ale. I hate to admit it, but his way of thinking really does intrigue me.

"And what will be of him then?" I ask.

"He will be executed for his crimes. He will be executed for treason." He tells me.

"Robb, please tell me you will not be the one to execute him." I say.

"A man who passes the sentence should swing the sword." He says, his voice holding no emotion at all.

"I understand that that may be the right thing to do, I truly do, but he was your closest friend."

"Who betrayed me in the worst way possible."

"Since last night, or, last afternoon, it became my duty to stand by your side and support you, whatever you chose to do. And I will do just that. You managed to be a capable King long before we got married, Robb. You can make your decisions and stand by them. If executing Theon Greyjoy is what you need to do to have your peace, so be it. I shall support you."

"I was very lucky with you, wasn't I?" He asks with a small smile on his face.  
"I… I don't know if I understand what you mean."

"Well, I haven't heard much about you. I only heard of your father. Then I met you. And I saw that you are a beauty. Then you spoke, and I realized you were smart. Now, now I realize you are kind as well. And understanding. I got luckier than most, haven't I?" He asks and I start laughing.

"As far arranged marriages go, we really are lucky, aren't we?"

"I think we are, yes." He says and we both laugh." We will be good, Sophia." He tells me.

"As a family or as King and Queen?"

"Both. It might take us some time, but we will." He says.

Ultimately, we want the same things. We want this Kingdom to have a ruler it deserves. We want to punish those that deserve to be punished, and we want to reward those who deserve to be rewarded.

Neither one of us was raised as a King or Queen to be. We were supposed to inherit our Father's, nothing more. Now, our unborn child has it's future carved in stone.

I do not know Robb, not nearly well enough, but I believe he will be a good father. At the very least.

"It will take a lot of work, but I am willing."

"Aye, so am I." He tells me.

We were silent, and I can feel in my bones what is going to come next. He stands up and he gives me his hand. I take it at once and I stand up myself.

He puts his hands on my cheeks and slowly, very slowly, he pushed his lips against mine.

His lips are soft and warm. Despite everything, the kiss does not feel wrong. In a matter of seconds, I am kissing him back; I did not kiss Matthos back.

We lose our breath soon enough. He starts kissing me on the neck and I start unlacing his shirt, having no control over my movements; I cannot tell what I am driven by. I pull his shirt away from his body, and he is left bare chested. My hands explore his arms and shoulders as he kisses me again, and this time, with more assurance. I feel his hands tugging at my dress, and I stop touching him in order to get out of my dress. I can tell he is breathing heavily as I let my underdress slip down my body.

For the first time, I am naked in front of a man.

A man that is a stranger. A kind stranger, but a stranger none the less.

"I am so sorry." I mumble as I hurry up to pull up my underdress back on myself." I shouldn't have, I am so sorry, I cannot tell you how…"  
"Sophia, please." He tells me, and I finally stop mumbling. I am covered up once again, yet I still feel naked." It is alright. You are not ready. We are not ready. It is alright." He reassures me, and I can only nod my head. He can tell I am not calming down, and before I knew what he was doing, he pulled me into a hug. I do not know how I did not break down in tears as he hugged me. I did, however, hug him back. I was shaking again.

We have to wait, and yet, we do not have the time.

 **Hey guys, a little AN to end this chapter. I don't think I'll update this week, but I'll do my best; I am working on my first real original story, I'm working on another fan fic as well, I have my day job, and I'm going to a music festival this weekend, so I'm pretty much going to be a mess. I'd like to thank you all for returning to this story, especially those of you who left reviews; I cannot tell you how much that means to me; just to see one comment makes me all the more inspired.**

 **I have a lot in store for Sophia, Robb and all the other characters.**

 **Please, tell me what you think. Ask me questions if you have some, I'd be happy to answer! Go ahead and give me ideas, give me your guesses about what's going to happen! And if any of you are into fan art, please, I'd love to see some! Thanks again guys. Love ya. Annie :)**


	14. Chapter 14

"Sophia, why are you not telling me what is wrong?" Shireen asks me, for the hundredth time.

I have been a Queen for a whole seven days. And despite being a Queen, and despite the fact that my husband and Father are planning a war, I still find time for my sister.

From the looks of it, she will be heading to Winterfell with me and Lady Catelyn, along with some of Robb's men. Father has agreed to it, and so has mother; not that anyone bothered asking Shireen what she thought about that plan, but she agreed to it as well.

As a matter of fact, she could not stop talking about our pending relocation. And in the moments when she was not talking about that, she was asking me questions. One question in particular, one question more than any other. What is the matter with me?

How? How can I explain it to her without destroying the little childlike innocence she has left? No, she has plenty of childlike innocence; I would not be destroying that. I would destroy her childlike naivety.

How do I tell her that my husband and I cannot find the strength in ourselves to consummate our marriage? Which is the only reason we are bloody married; to have an heir, a child who would be as much a Stark as it would be a Baratheon, and who would rule Westeros. That is, ultimately, the very reason our marriage was arranged. And we cannot do it.

It is not as if we had not tried; we tried, we tried every night apart from our wedding night. We tried five times; four times, I stopped him and last night, he stopped me. The only good about it is that we are, for some strange reason, able to talk about it. We sat down and we talked.

The problem is not in our bodies. Both of us find each other attractive. It is not that. It is in our minds. I am scared for some unknown reason, and he feels guilty because he knows all too well that I know he wishes I was his loving Talisa. I have come to a conclusion that he probably regrets sharing that with me.

It has started to consume me. I think about it all the time, and not in a positive way. I am not looking forward to it; I'm dreading it, more than anything else. I cannot stop thinking about it. We had one simple task, and we seemingly can't fulfill it.

And how am I supposed to explain that to my little sister? To my little sister who knew everything about me there was to know? How am I supposed to tell her that?

Not to mention that she is so bloody persistent! She got that from me; I wish neither one of us was as hard headed as we are. Gods, I must be a nightmare to my father!

"Shireen, I have told you before. All is well." I tell her, foolishly hoping she will stop the questions.

"You're lying. I know you're lying." She tells me, and I turn my head to look at her. She stands up from where she was lying; as all those times before, we laid on her bed with our heads hanging down one side of the bed, until we grow tired of it. I can see it in her eyes; she is holding this against me. And the worst part is, I can't blame her." You swore me an oath; you would never lie to me."

"And I am not lying."  
"And now you lie to me again."

"Shireen, I am sorry. I truly am." I say, sitting up as well." I wish that I could tell you, but some things are just better off left unsaid."

"You think I wouldn't understand?" She asks me.

"No. I think you would understand, which is precisely why I should not talk to you about it." I say. If there is anything I do, I only make her more confused." I don't want you to know how bad things can get. And I don't want you to know that however bad they might seem, it can be worse. I do not want you to know that. I want you to believe in mermaids and happy endings and true love."

"This is about the King, isn't it?" she asks. Seven hells, I forgot how intelligent she actually is.

"I suppose it is." I admit.

"Did he hurt you? Is he being mean towards you? If he is, you can tell Father." Shireen starts.

"No, no, sweetheart, he did not hurt me. He was not mean. If anything, he was beyond kind." I reassure her, and I feel relief when I see that she believes me." It may not make any sense, but I almost wish he was mean. That would make it easier. I would hate him, and that would be easier."

"How is that good?" Shireen asks. I am only confusing her more and more.

"It is not good at all. But it is better than this. It is better than what I am dealing with now."  
"And what are you dealing with?" Shireen asks. Why am I surprised? She always had a million questions and another millions of follow up questions. I should not have been surprised at all.

"Indifference." I tell her, deciding that indifference has to be the best way to describe it." I like him. He is kind and intelligent. Just, and easy to converse with. He can even joke. I like him. And he is my husband. I am not supposed to "like him". I am not supposed to consider him someone that could be my friend if we spend enough time together to truly get to know one another. I am supposed to love him with all my heart. To look forward to having a family with him. I am supposed to worship the ground he walks on, and it is supposed to be the other way around as well; he is supposed to be mad about me. And he is not. We just… we just do not despise each other."

No, I did not overwhelm a girl of twelve years, no, not at all.

"Sophia, you told me it takes time. You told me yourself." Shireen tells me.

"I know. And it does, it does take time. But Robb and I do not have the time." I tell her.

"You have all the time in the world." Shireen tells me, and I shake my head with a sad smile.

"No, sweetheart, we do not. We have very little time. Soon enough, we will leave for Winterfell, and he will leave for war. A war he might not return from. He will leave no heir, and all of our plans and alliances will fall into water. And I do not think plans know how to swim."

'Then have an heir. Have a baby." Shireen says, as if it is nothing to have a baby, as if I can just purchase one on the streets. I cannot contain my laughter.

"I wish it were that simple, but it is not." I tell her and she gives me a sad smile." Never mind my worries. It will all be better. Now, run along; you have your lessons and I have to play Queen." I tell her.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" She asks me.  
"Of course you will. Now, go, you are already late." I tell her, and she gives me a tight hug before running out of her chambers. I stay for a little while longer. I was so used to being either with her or on my own, and now I have forgotten what being alone feels like.

There is a difference between being lonely and being alone. I enjoyed being alone. That was all I ever knew. I was either alone, or with Shireen. Ever since I got married, I don't think I have spent more than a few minutes being completely on my own.

Nights are the hardest, by far. Every time, we try and fail, and we still have to stay in incredible proximity to each other, both of us frustrated, worried and even a little bit embarrassed. We still have to lay inches away from one another. We lie there, in an uncomfortable, painful silence, both of our minds running as fast as they can, thinking and keeping the wheels turning round and round. We talk before and we laugh and as soon as I think "it'll work, we can manage", we fail again. And then we lie there in silence until one of us falls asleep.

By now, I already know his breath. I know how he breaths out when he is calm and relaxed, as well as I know how he breaths out when he is frustrated. It is incredibly easy to tell when he is awake, even in the complete and utter darkness. I know he has had many sleepless nights recently, I know he is troubled by this as much as I am. And while that should be some kind of relief to me, it is not.

Perhaps that is the very reason we cannot make this work. We try and we worry and both of us are overwhelmed. If only we were to get rid of that burden, if only for a little while… but we cannot.

I stay in Shireen's chambers until I am comfortable enough to face the public.

That is another thing that has changed.

As much as I do not feel like a Queen, I, ultimately, am a Queen. A people see me as a Queen now. And if they were nothing more than strangers, I would be fine with it. But my father's people, people who had seen me grow up, people who saw my first steps and who chased after me all over Dragonstone when I was old enough to run… to have them look at me as a Queen is something deeply, deeply unsettling. It will take me a long time to get used to that.

That is why I spend most of my days hidden in different chambers. And every time I have to walk out and walk through all those hallways and passages, I have to stop by the door, and brace myself for what is about to come. Not to mention that I use my thorough knowledge of Dragonstone's secret passages and hallways, only in order to avoid people.

I take a deep breath. I open the door. I close it. I turn left and I walk, fast. The chambers Robb and I are using are not my own chambers, which are very close to Shireen's. Oh no, that would have been easy. No, our temporary chambers are on the other side of the bloody castle! Which is why I am one step away from breaking into a run. I take another left, where I go down the stairs for one level. Before walking into the hallway, I look around, to see if anyone is there. Once I deem it safe, I break into a very fast walk yet again. Left, right, another right, up the stairs. I open the door, thanking all the Gods I ever heard of, that our key keeper never seems to lock this door; not for all of my explorer life.

The first time I ended up in this passage, I was frightened for my life. It was, and still very much is, darker than dark. As soon as the door is closed, I am blind. Only, I have had years of practice, and three tumbles down the stairs; now, I know exactly where to stop, as well is that there are exactly 27 steps. I take those 27 steps, I walk a little further, and I feel for the door knob; I find it on the first try. I open the door, look around, and as soon as I see no one, I go directly towards my new chambers. Robb is not there at the moment; he and father are still very much occupied with war plans, to my luck. I will be alone again, if only for a little while.

"Your Grace!" Someone calls after me, and I stop in my tracks. I was too bloody close.

"Yes?" I say as I turn around, only to see Robb's mother walking towards me, a small smile on her face." My Lady, I did not realize it was you. Please, call me Sophia." I tell her, again. I have asked her to call me by my name more than once; it is uncomfortable enough as it is, and she is my husband's mother. Queen or not, it should be me giving her the respect, and not the other way around.

"I will start calling you Sophia as soon as you start calling me Catelyn." She tells me, smiling at me. Fair enough, she asked me to call her by her name as well. I should, even though it is against all that I was thought. Once I called my father by his name. I just blurted out "Stannis". I was very young, younger than Shireen is now. I was positive he was going to slap me then and there. He did not; he never did. He just did not speak to me for a week. I have never called him "Stannis" since.

"I shall try my best, Catelyn." I tell her. I did not have much of a chance to spend a significant amount of time with her, especially not on my own, but whenever we conversed, she had been nothing but kind.

And I still remember the words she told me when my marriage became a certainty.

"Would you like to join me for refreshments? Juice and cakes?" She asks me.  
"Juice and cakes?" I ask, confused.

"Yes, I used that as a bland excuse to have a reason to speak to you." She admits and I start laughing.

"Say no more, Catelyn. I will speak with you. I do not need tasty bribery to agree to that. Although, I must say, I will not decline any tarts you might have." I say and she starts laughing as well.

"Perfect. Shall we?" She asks, and I follow her to the chambers she was using during their stay.

I am surprised to find myself nervous about talking to Lady Stark. In fact, I was more nervous to talk to her than I was to talk to her son. Robb and I are nearly the exact same age. We may still be strangers to each other, and we may have our differences, but we are… we are on the same ground, I suppose. With Catelyn Stark, it is different. She is up on a hill, and I am all the way down, trying to climb said hill.

Her strongest trait was the one I never saw in my mother. My mother is weak, and unlike her, Catelyn Stark is not. I knew that even before I laid eyes on her. And seeing her in person makes it all more frightening. She is stoic and honorable, just like all the stories say. And she seems strict, but also kind.

"Are you enjoying Dragonstone?" I ask her as we sit in her chambers, feeling the need to start a conversation with her." I am fully aware that Dragonstone does not have much to offer, not compared to Winterfell, I would imagine, but it does have it's charms." I tell her. I may love it here, but I can also imagine that it is difficult for someone to get used to it. It is different from any other place in Westeros.

"I find Dragonstone too dark for my liking." She says, looking through the window in front of us." You must not forget, I was not raised a Northerner. Not like my Ned, not like my children. Riverrun was, and still is, much different than Winterfell. But I got used to it, just like you will." She tells me with a small smile." And yes, I do see the charms of Dragonstone. It is as impressive as it is dark." She tells me.

"I do not have much to compare it to. I was never fostered to another house. My lord father did not let me travel Westeros as much as I would have wanted to. I have only ever known Dragonstone, my home and King's Landing. I have been to Storms End only twice." I tell her, shaking my head. I wanted to leave, to go places, to see everything and to meet new people. Father never allowed that. Looking back at it now, I understand his reasons. But the fact that I understand does not mean I agree.

"I believe you will enjoy Winterfell. It might take you some time to adjust, but I believe it will be home to you, just like it was for me. And it still is." She says, still smiling. As kind as her smiles are, they worry me.

"Pardon me, Catelyn, but it would be foolish to believe that my transition to Winterfell will not cause me trouble. I wish your son could be there, helping me. I would prefer not to do it on my own." I tell her.

"You will not be on your own. There is a reason why I will travel north with you, and not south with my son and your father. You will have me. I understand that Robb would be… a more proper companion to you than the one I will be, but we must adapt to the situation we are in, Sophia." She tells me.

"Catelyn, I think you misunderstood me. I do not question your abilities. I know that I will rely on you, perhaps even more than you would like." I tell her with a smile and she laughs.

"Oh, Sophia, I hope you understand that I will rely on you just the same. Neither one of us could do it on our own. On the other hand, together, we might just succeed." She says, and I cannot hold back a smile. She has more faith in me than I deserve." And once Robb returns, it will all change, hopefully, for the better. The two of you will finally get an opportunity to be devoted to each other, as you should be."

"It frightens me to think about the time that will pass before he gets a chance to join us." I admit.

"Sophia, to me, Robb was a gift from the Gods." She tells me with a small smile." I was supposed to marry Brandon Stark. And I was more than willing. You know how that tale goes; I will not bother you with it. The first night my husband and I shared a bed, we conceived a child. We conceived Robb. That was a gift. More often than not, more time passes before a husband and wife are lucky enough to have a child. Now, you and Robb must be prepared for that. It may not happen as fast as you want it to happen. You need that to happen more than you want it, I understand that. If there is one thing we know for certain, it is that you will not conceive a child if you do not consummate your marriage, and I know that the two of you are yet to do that.". My heard drops.

"Robb informed you of that?" I ask, trying not to show my emotions. I had hoped that no one other than the two of us was aware of that. It appears that I have been mistaken.

"He did not. A woman knows, Sophia. A woman always knows." She tells me with a kind look on her face. She looks… motherly. More than my own mother ever did." However, your reluctance is more than understandable. It is your decision to be made, and I trust you and Robb shall make it together."

"We will. I promise you that." I tell her." May I be excused? I have some obligations I need to attend to. I promise you, we shall talk more some other time." I say and she smiles at me.

"Of course. Have a good day, Sophia."

"You as well, Catelyn." I say before closing the door.

"A woman knows". Does a woman truly, always know? I find it hard to believe that that information was something Robb would willingly share with his mother. I do believe her to be incredibly smart. Just as I realize now that Robb and I were probably being transparent.

Despite my hopes, I was not alone for a long period of time. When Robb entered our chambers, I was on the terrace, staring at the sea bellow me, not even turning around to see if it was he who walked in.

"Sophia, you will freeze to death." He tells me when he walks outside. I laugh.

"I may not have northern blood in me, but it would take a lot more for me to freeze to death." I say and he laughs." How was your day? How are the war plans coming along?" I ask him.

"We have made some progress, that is certain. We do have more work to do. Do you wish to know more?" he ask me and I start laughing. I stop once I realize I may just look like a completely mad woman.

"I may know politics, but I do not know war, Robb. You could show me everything, in fine detail, and I would still have trouble understanding it. To me, those are just words and drawings." I tell him.

"I understand. In all honesty, they were just words and drawings to me as well, until very recently." He admits and I smile. I'm not the only one who may be in over her head." My father did all he could to prepare me for the day when I would be in charge, not him. Ever since I was a child, he worked with me, he showed me everything. How to be a good leader, even when that is as difficult as it can be. And for a while, I thought he did it. I thought that I was ready. He did not prepare me for war. He did not expect this to happen, no one did. And I wonder if I am ready for it to begin with." He tells me.

"I know I am not." I say, looking away from him. I do not have a habit of crying, least of all in front of someone. And the last person I want to see me cry has to be Robb." I am not ready to see my father go off to war. I am not ready to see my husband go off to war. Well, I am not even ready to have a husband. I am not ready to have a family, I am not ready to rule, I am not ready to leave my home. I am not ready for anything. You have married the wrong girl, Robb." I say, shaking my head, still looking away from him. It was not easy to say that, just as it is not easy to face it. But that is the utter truth.

"No, I did not." He tells me, and I actually laugh. It was too late, I was already crying. And the more he tried to make me look at him, the more I was pulling away. He even tried standing in front of me, but I did not give in." Sophia, please. I know you are frightened and so am I. And while neither one of us might be ready for what is yet to come, I do not think marrying you was a mistake. I find it highly unlikely that I will ever think that. We may be in over our heads, but I did not marry the wrong girl." He tells me, and the more he talks, the more I cry. I don't recall ever feeling as defeated as I do now.

I am weak. I am too weak to be a Queen, I am too weak to be a good wife and I am definitely too weak to escape his arms. He holds me and at first, I try to make my escape. I give up, not giving much effort.

It felt nice. It felt nice to have someone support you. That is what he was doing. It was not him embracing me, it was him holding me as I was falling apart, crying like I never cried before. That was him, trying to hold the pieces of me together.

Too weak to protest, I let him do it. And I cry in his arms for what seemed to be a very long time.

 **I'M BACK! That's right folks, I am back! And it sure feels nice to be back! This time around, I am not going anywhere. I have a new job, and I get to make my own schedule (AKA I work as much as I want to), so I have a nice amount of time to dedicate to my writing. If you have stuck around all this time, I thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Robb and Sophia's adventure is just getting started and I hope you accompany me for this ride. Expect a new update soon!  
P.S. If there are any Walking Dead fans out here, reading this, check out my new story, Heathens! It's gonna be a good one!  
Love, AnnieDD! **


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello, dear readers. I didn't think I would publish a new chapter this soon, but I had to do it, just minutes after finishing it. This is a little thank you for all of you. I didn't publish a new chapter for months, and still, you did not give up on this story. So this is my thank you. I hope you enjoy this one. Tell me what you think! I want to know your opinions, ideas, suggestions or some criticism too. I'm happy to be back and as I promised, this time, it's for good :) Enjoy!**

"I understand what you are saying, Robb, I truly do. Even so, you need to remember that my father attacked the capital very openly. And you know very well how that ended. I understand that attacking the capital is your only real option, but it has been done before, and it was not successful." I tell him.

"If anyone is aware of that, it is your father." Robb tells me and I roll my eyes. My father is not always what I would call rational. I would not rely on him as much as Robb does. As capable and intelligent as he is, he is not always reasonable." He did not have a very large fleet. He did not have an army as large as this one fighting them on the other side. And your father's defeat was the Imp's fault." He says.

"Oh, don't call him that, please." I say as I proceed to pour some wine in both of our goblets." A dwarf he may be, but he is smarter than all of them combined, believe me." I say before taking a sip of wine. I remember Tyrion very, very well. When I was a child, I suppose I was afraid of him. It was a mixture of fear and wonder. He was my size, yet, he was an adult. Later on in my life, I have started appreciating his cynicism more and more. I also started to understand why he drank as much as he did. Living with Uncle Robert was not easy, and living with a bunch of Lannisters was not easy either. Tyrion Lannister is the only one of them I would call tolerable. And he is also wickedly intelligent. Many people do not see that, as they focus on his appearance. I am afraid that my husband is one of those men, as was my father.

"Tyrion Lannister might have been responsible for the wildfire, but Tywin is the real problem." He says.

"I know that. I am simply afraid that you and my father are both underestimating their power."

"We are not, I can assure you."

" _In coat of gold or coat of red, a lion still has claws"_.

"I know that." He tells me before drinking his wine." They are not expecting us to a take at all, let alone as soon as we will. Unfortunately, taking King's Landing from them will only be the start. We will take the city, possibly the region, but they will flee, scatter. This won't be over when we get King's Landing. The only difference that will make is that your father will have a crown on his head. A new crown."

"Perhaps, once you take over King's Landing, I could join you?" I ask.

"I know why you are saying that, and while I agree with you, I need you in Winterfell. It is not only the need to keep you safe. I need your help there. In need you to be in charge of Winterfell." He tells me.

"And I will do that, but we are completely ignoring a pivotal problem, and that is that you may die!" I snap. I am not angry at him and he knows that. I am angry at the situation and at our stupidity." You and I and everyone else, we all know that this marriage is a pact, a pact that needs an end result. And as much as I enjoy our conversations, we had one job, one task, which we did not fulfill. How many days do we get before you leave?" I ask him. How many days of not touching do we have to suffer through?

"Seven days, perhaps." He tells me with a sigh." You and Mother will leave for Winterfell before we leave for battle. We have six or seven days." He tells me. This is starting to become torturous.

"If we were smart enough, if we had thought this whole situation through, we would have made an heir already. Now, it is my fault as much as it is yours. Both of us, we have issues we did not have time to deal with. We were irresponsible, and quite frankly, stupid." I say, shaking my head. I should have just jumped on him. If I was not as frighten of it as I am, I would have handled it by myself, and he would not even have a real choice. Men are different then women, I know that much. And now I realize, I should have done things differently. I was a coward and I let my cowardice stop me from fulfilling my duty.

"Some things cannot be forced, Sophia. And this is one of them." He tells me. This time, I do not speak. He does have a point. Even so, I believe we were stupid. We should have done it differently." You would like to join me in King's Landing so that we could conceive an heir?" He asks me, and I nod my head.  
"Yes. Even if we had consummated the marriage, that would not mean that we have an heir. It often takes time. And yes, I do believe our chances would be a lot better if we were to consummate the marriage, rather than being separated for months, perhaps even years." I say.

"Yes, that I am aware of. Only, I will not be staying in King's Landing. I would have to fight in other parts of Westeros, even after we would win King's Landing. And eventually, I would have to make my way up North. And I already explained to you why I will not agree to the idea of you traveling with the army."

"Just as I agreed to it, knowing it was better that way." I say. I sigh. No matter what either one of us comes up with, no matter what plan we try to come up with, it is not working. It is simply not good." We are in trouble, Robb. If you die, chances are, my father will day as well. If both my husband and father are dead, they will do their best to kill me as well. And if by some miracle, I am left with an army, I will not have an heir. I would have to play this game by myself. Put aside the fact that I am not a leader, nor do I know how to fight a war, I do not want for that to happen. Having a child, having an heir, that just might be the solution to that situation that we would try to avoid. And with all the luck in the world, if you and Father both survive this, we still need an heir. Everything we do, every conversation that we have, every plan that we make, it all leads up to that. Yet, we have done nothing to fulfill it." I tell him.

"I know. Fucking Seven Hells, I know." He snaps. This is the first time I have heard him curse. It does not bother me, as I have my moments as well, but it is a surprise. It goes to show just how much this is bothering him as well." For that, we need to be ready, and we are not. We are not yet ready. We tried. You stopped me. And on the occasion when you did not stop me, I stopped you. We were not ready and I cannot say when we will be." He says. We are equally guilty, and that might just be the worst part of it.

"What I am about to suggest might very well end up being the most idiotic thing I ever said." I say and Robb looks at me in anticipation. I take a deep breath." Talisa." I say, and his eyes widen at the mention of his love and former lover. Who he was unable to forget, as of now. I was the wrong choice for him. What he needed was a woman who could seduce him in a matter of seconds. A woman whose beauty could stop and start wars, like Margaery Tyrell. With a women like Margaery, he wouldn't think of Talisa.

"What about Talisa? She has nothing to do with this." He tells me, shaking his head. He is in denial, as she has much to do with this. She is the reason of his hesitation. And his hesitation is one of the reasons for my hesitation. How can I give myself to him, completely, when I know that not only does he hold no feelings for me, but he loves another? It all comes back to his affection for Talisa, one way or another.

"Perhaps, if you were to… pretend that it was her and not me… and I do not stop you. Perhaps in that case, we could do what needs to be done." I mumble. I cannot believe I actually told him that.

"You are right, that has to be the most idiot thing you ever said." He tells me and I sigh. I knew it, I knew it was idiot and I should have known he would think that as well." Sophia, we cannot do that. What good would that be? That would destroy all the progress we have made as husband and wife. And whether you believe it or not, I could not do it." He says. It was a stupid, stupid thought I should not have shared with him. I cannot believe that I just offered that to him. How much lower will I fall?

"I apologize. I do not know what made me say that. I never should have done it. Please, forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive. You are worried, as am I." He says, leaning over the table and taking my hand in his." That is not the solution. We will have to find another one." He says. I do not pull my hand out of his. I take it and hold his hand as well. There is nothing else I could actually do.

"Robb, I feel like we are failing. And I do not know how we can change that in our favor." I mumble.

We tried to ignore our emotions and go through with something that might be unpleasant for the both of us. We tried and it did not work. Perhaps we should keep trying. After all, we do not have anything to lose. Now, we are not moving. And I do believe it could not get worse than it already is.

"We will find a way. I promise you, we will." He tells me.

I am still finding it incredibly difficult to look him directly in the eyes. They truly are impossibly blue.

Without a doubt, it would be easier for me if he was not as handsome as he is.

I feel attracted to him, I can feel that. That is why I did not stop him every time. He is smart, he has a beautiful smile and he has been nothing but kind to me. I have said it repeatedly, and I believe I will say it again, many times. I am lucky. I could have ended up with a far worse husband than the one I have.

I am not attracted to him enough, and yet I still, I feel nervousness around him. And he, well… he is not attracted to me. If he was, we would not be in this problem. And he is not.

I am not Talisa. I am not the woman that has captured his heart and that still has a hold on it, no matter how far away from him she is. I can either learn to live with that or I can let it trouble me even more.

"We will talk more in the morning." I tell him, and when he nods his head, I drink the remaining wine I had in my goblet. He does the same. As he lays into the bed, I walk around the room, blowing out the candles someone lit while I was away from the chambers; perhaps it was Robb, perhaps it was one of the maids. It did provide a romantic atmosphere. Whoever lighted them probably had best intentions.

"Good night, Sophia." Robb tells me as I lay down next to him.

"Good night, Robb."

I could not sleep. His breath told me he was not sleeping either. Trying to be considerate, I did not move at all, not wanting to disrupt his attempts to fall asleep. I was just lying there; eyes wide open, thinking of a possible solution to the troubles we are faced with.

Neither one of us expected it to be easy, but I do not think we imagined it to be as difficult as it is.

His breathing told me he still was not asleep, so I decided to risk and turn around. In doing so I almost ended up on top of him. I snap back as soon as it happens, with my head still resting on his arm.

"I am so sorry." I mumble, moving away, but I feel a hand on my waist pulling me back.

"It does not bother me." He mumbles." Your head is not that heavy." He says and I smile.

I could see the outlines on his face. The moon was shining directly into our chambers, and I could see the outlines, his curls, his small smile. I could not see his eyes well enough; they were not that blue to me anymore.

His hand was still on my waist. It was not a firm hold. It was more like a caress.

In a moment of sheer lunacy, I raise my hand to pull back his hair from his face. He still has that small smile on his face. My fingers travel down to his face and I can tell he closes his eyes to my touch.

Seconds later, he kisses me. A beautiful, gentle kiss. As he pulls away, he leans his forehead onto mine and I can feel his breath on my face. Not even remotely considering my actions, I kiss him.

I kiss him and I keep on kissing him for a long time.

It was the first time that his touch did not feel wrong on my body.

…

"Where did all these dresses come from?" I ask, shaking my head in complete disbelief." I have never seen this one before." I say, taking a green dress in my hand. It is very lovely. A deep, dark green color with fine details I have not even noticed before, which I see now, with the dress in my hands. As lovely as it is, I am absolutely sure I have never laid eyes on this one before.

"Lady Selyse has been very dedicated to this, Your Grace." Tara, one of the castles maids tells me." She has ordered that the seamstresses should make as many dresses as they possibly can, in time for you to bring them with you when you leave for Winterfell, Your Grace." She tells me. I cannot believe this.

"Yes, it is clearly a priority to have me well dressed in times of war." I say, shaking my head in disbelief. Mother is insane. I have no doubt in my mind, not anymore. She truly is mad." Tara, once they finish the dresses they are working on, they will stop. No more dresses. I am not going to Winterfell to parade myself as a Queen; I am going there to help my husband rule. Once they finish what they already started working on, they should stop. They must have better work to do. And we need to save on the coin."

"Your Grace, Lady Selyse will not like that." Tara tells me and I smile at the girl. I have always liked her. She was very well spoken; she could find ways to speak her mind without seeming intrusive.

"Lady Selyse may very well be the Queen, but so am I." I tell Tara and I smile when I see her trying to hide a smile of her own." If she has any complaints on these orders, she can come to me and I shall listen. We are at war. This is not a time for excessive spending. My word is final." I say and with a simple nod, Tara continues folding the clothes." This is outrageous. I could not possible be in need of so many dresses. Knowing my mother, leaving them behind is not an option, so I shall settle for a compromise. I will bring what was sown, but there will be no more sowing."  
"Lady Selyse had the best intentions, Your Grace."

"That she most certainly did." I say under my breath. As soon as I see the smirk on Tara's face, I know she heard me." I will leave you know. If I stay buried in clothing any longer, I might just become my mother. I will be in my new chambers, if anyone needs me." I tell her and I leave my old chambers.

Mother must have forgotten who she gave birth to. I am not Cersei Lannister. I shall not parade myself. Not with all the coins in the world. Not even with Cersei's looks. She is being ridiculous.

As per usual, she managed to ruin my day, without much trying. Knowing that only a warm bath could calm me, I waste no time with getting one prepared. I do it myself, not wanting to waste time with calling a made. In just a matter of minutes, I feel the warmth over my body and I close my eyes.

Here I can simply be Sophia. In a warm bath, I am no Queen; I am no King's wife, or King's daughter. I am just the same as Tara or Shireen or anyone else.

I almost wish I could stay in this bath for good, for the rest of my life.

Sound of an opening door brought me back from my day dream; as did the sound of footsteps.

"Robb, is it you?" I ask.

"Yes. I apologize; I did not know you were bathing. I shall return later." He says and I start laughing.

"Please, stop. These are your chambers as well. You are hardly intrusive, are you?" I ask and I smile when I hear him laugh." I did not expect you to get back so soon. Has the council ended?" I ask.

"No. Well, yes. Actually, your father sent me away." He says and my eyes go wide.  
"He did what?"  
"He sent me away."

"He can do that?"

"Well, your father is the King, Sophia."

"As are you, as far as I know." I say and I hear him laugh." You allowed him to do that?"

"I had no choice."

"Robb, I am sorry, but you did. You are a King, just as much as he is." I say. Not only do I find it hard to believe Robb actually listen to it, but I cannot imagine my father doing such a thing. What was he thinking? Robb may be young enough to be his child, but whether he likes it or not, he is his equal.  
"That is true. What I meant is that I had no choice because your father was right." He says. I stay silent and wait for an explanation. I feel idiotic talking to him like this; in a bath, behind a folding screen, unable to see his face. Still, I wait for him to explain." Your father seems to think that over the course of the next seven days, I should spend more time trying to conceive an heir than planning a war. As he said, there will be plenty of time for planning once you leave for Winterfell."

"Oh." I say.

"Yes, that was precisely my reaction." He says and I cannot hold back a laugh.

"I apologize in my father's stead. He should have used better words. Sadly, Stannis Baratheon does have a reputation of speaking his mind without much thought."

"Yes, I have noticed that is a family trait." He says and my mouth opens in shock. He is teasing me.

"Careful now, we haven't been married long enough for you to share such observations with me."

"I wish humor was a family trait as well." He tells me and I grin. Apparently, I can tease him as well.

"You cannot win a war with humor."

"True. Humor should be saved for the chambers. Which I do not share with King Stannis."

'Huh, you must wish you did." I say, and this time around, he is properly laughing. His laugh is so loud and contagious, I start laughing as well. "I am afraid my Mother can confirm that King Stannis's fire dies out fast behind closed doors."  
"Sophia!" Robb snaps at me while still laughing." That was not even remotely appropriate".

"Neither is the fact that my father acts like our bed should be the interest of his whole kingdom." I say." What we do or do not do behind closed doors is none of his damned business. If he says anything like that to you again, tell him his daughter will name her firstborn after Robert. And then describe his reaction to me in fine detail." I tell him.

"Sophia, are you defending me?" Robb asks. I cannot see him, but I can imagine the smile he has now.

"But of course I am. I am a Stark now, am I not?"

"Yes, you are." he says. Aware that I have just lost any time alone I had, I get up and out of the bath. I curse under my breath when I realize I did not prepare a dress. I only have a large cloth to cover me now." Although, I have to warn you, our firstborn will not be named after Robert." Robb tells me.

"Of course he won't." I say as I walk out of the shield the screen was giving me. Robb is sitting at the table, drinking wine and smiling. I notice him being mildly surprised by my lack of clothing, but he makes no comment, and neither do I, as I rush to grab a dress." He was a vile, half-wit drunk who died because he got drunk while hunting for boars. Our unborn child will have a challenging life already, the way I see it." I say as I carry the dress with me behind the screen." I prefer not to curse him with that idiot's name. I just wish to see father's reaction when you or I threaten him with that." I tell Robb as I stumble while trying to dress myself. I am as far from elegant as one Queen could be.

"Devious plan, I must say." Robb says and I laugh." Which name would you chose?" He asks me.

"I never thought about that." I say, surprising myself with the answer. I was a girl who daydreamed about being a mermaid, not marrying a King and naming children." I suppose you have a say as well?"

"Thank you, that would be nice." Robb agrees and we both start laughing." I have never thought about it either. I suppose that Eddard would be fitting, if we have a boy. That is, if you agree."

He wishes to name his son after his father. A man who was kind and honorable until his last day.

"I believe no other name would be more fitting." I say as I walk toward him, this time, fully clothed." I am sorry, I am so useless. Could you please help me?" I ask, turning my back to him. I believe I go red in the face when he starts laughing. I cannot even tie my own dress. He may have laughed, but he also gets up and starts lacing my dress." I truly apologize. A King should not do that." I mumble.

"Sophia, I am hardly complaining." He says and I laugh." I am not a King when these doors close behind me. I wish you could see that. It is possible to be a King and a husband at the same time." He tells me.

"I suppose it is. Try not to wear yourself out on one front. It would be bad for the other front to suffer."

"How can you possibly be as funny as you are?" He asks through laughter." I imagined Stannis Baratheon's daughter to be many things, but being humorous was not one of them."

"You said it yourself, Your Grace. Humor is not a family trait." I tell him.

"No, it is not. And what about kindness? Care? Understanding? Wittiness? Intelligence? Beauty?" He asks. In that very moment, his finger slips and comes in touch with my still bare back. My breath stops when his fingers suddenly change direction. Their movements are now untying the laces he just tied.

I do not stop him, I do not stop to consider what I am about to do. I turn around and before even seeing his face properly, I kiss him.

It was unlike any other kiss before. It was even different that the ones we shared last night. It all felt different now.

My heart races when he pulls down my dress, but this time, it does not race for all the wrong reasons. I have no control of my hands that are untying his clothes. I stumble while trying to rush myself. In a matter of seconds, he strips me down, and this time, I do not feel embarrassed.

Our lips do not part, not even as he lifts me up in his arms and carries me to the bed.

No words, no plans, no worries. And for the first time, there was no imminent pressure either.

He does not stop me and I do not stop him. Not this time.


	16. Chapter 16

**As promised, I am back! I hope you enjoy this new chapter. Thank you for the kind words about the last one, it meant a lot. I'm so happy you stuck with the story, even with a long hiatus. I'm also super happy I get new readers each day. I hope I do it justice. As always, if you have any complaints or ideas, feel free to give them to me. I always have a vague idea as to where the story's gonna go, but if I hear a brilliant idea, I'd be happy to reconsider it. I feel encouraged to write again because of all of you, so thank you! Thank you so, so much! Hope you enjoy it :)**

"Huh." I mumble.

Huh. Huh. Huh is the only word I can say, out loud. A simple "Huh".

I am trying hard to think of what to say, but my thoughts are a mess. A mess that becomes an even bigger mess when I look at him. I look away, as fast as possible.

"Huh." I mumble again, once I realize that he actually enjoyed it.

I try to look at it in a rational way, only to realize that there is no rational angle at all.

At least it was done. At least I have gotten it out of the way. At least I have fulfilled my duty. If only partially, I do believe it was a good start. Hopefully, I will be able to fulfill it completely.

"What are you thinking?" Robb asks me, and I can't help but notices his breath isn't as rushed now.

"I…" I start speaking, only to realize I have no right words." I…" I try again, failing. I turn my head, only to find him looking at me. He has a slightly confused look on his face, but he is smiling. That has to be good, doesn't it? "Have you actually enjoyed that?" I ask. To my complete surprise, he starts laughing. I am certain I have never seen him laugh as hard as he was laughing right now. It takes him a while to stop.

"Judging by the look on your face and the tone of your voice, I am will take a wild guess and say that you did not." He says, still smiling at me. I jump up as soon as I realize.

Oh. Oh! I must have sounded surprised or disgusted. I do not even want to imagine the look I had.

"No, no, no. I did not mean it like that." I tell him.

"You did enjoy it?"  
"I did not enjoy it, not particularly. Still, I wouldn't say I did not enjoy it." I say and the look on his face tells me he is confused. As am I." I cannot find the right words. I am unsure." I say, and I stop talking, in order to at least try and formulate a coherent sentence." I imagined it would hurt me far worse than it actually did. That was a pleasant surprise. It was more… uncomfortable than it was painful. It… well, it stung, like a burn. To be honest, I still feel that stinging sensation. Do people actually enjoy this?" I ask.

"Well, yes, they do." Robb tells me with a smile." I imagined they would have stopped doing it if they did not enjoy it." He says. I feel even more embarrassed when I see him smiling after what we just did.

"Did you enjoy it? I know that you have had… well, experience in this." I mumble. I must be red.

"It may come as a surprise to you, but I have enjoyed it, yes." He tells me. Not only am I surprised, but I am as red as Melisandre's hair, if that color is even achievable." I have been told that women do not take such pleasure from it, not the first time. It takes time. I do hope it will be the same for you."

Why is he so caring? I feel that his worry is making it even worse for me. Talking about this was not a good idea. I wish he did not start this conversation. Or was it me who started it?

"Robb, I am not repulsed by it." I tell him, perhaps a bit too harsh." If that was the impression I gave, I am truly sorry. It is not the truth. It was simply… unnatural." I say.

"See, for me, it is the most natural thing in the world." He tells me in a low voice, and looking at him, I can tell that he is telling me the truth. I only wonder was it natural with me or with Talisa.

"How? How is it natural? Pleasure, I understand. I imagine it will grow to be a pleasant feeling. As you said, people would have stopped doing it ages ago if it did not bring them any pleasure. It is in human nature to search for pleasure and to hold on to it for as long as possible. Pleasurable, perhaps. Natural? A man uses his body part to penetrate the woman's body and then he…"  
"Sophia, I beg of you, stop." He tells me through laughter, and when I look at him, he has tears in his eyes. I breathe a sigh of relief once I realize they were laughter tears." You are facing it in such a practical way. And I do not find this to be something that can be defined as practical. You see it in the way you were describing before I stopped you. Other people can see it as a man and woman becoming one." He tells me. It does make sense. Still, becoming one still seems like a practical view on it.

"I do see that image, yes." I say, nodding my head." But my reaction to it is still highly questionable." I say, confused by my own behavior. I have heard many stories about this important, first bedding. And on the continuation of such a practice. In all of those stories, it was either amazing and magical, or it was as horrible as one could imagine. Pleasure against pain. The height of happiness against tears. Not once did I hear of someone feeling a mixture. Of one being in the middle. And yet here I am, in the middle.

"Actually, I believe I can explain that." Robb tells me, and I turn to him, eager to hear his view on this. Only when his eyes travel down my body do I realize I did not cover myself. I decide not to do it. If we have opened this door, I might as well get used to it. If my husband and I can discuss this in fine detail, I see no reason why I should rush to cover myself from his eyes. After all, I am his to look at. I have made that quite clear the day I became a Stark." Your mind is stopping you. Perhaps even your heart."

"How?" I ask. If anything, he is confusing me, rather than helping me understand.

"Your body was ready for it. Your body wanted it. Did it not?" He raises his eyebrow.

"Yes, I imagine it did. I am attracted to you physically; I have not kept that a secret." I tell him.

"Your mind did not want it. Neither did your heart. Well, your mind perhaps did want it. We do feel the pressure to have an heir and that notion has not left your mind since the day we married. I know that, because it is the same with me." He tells me, and I nod. Of course I was thinking of it." You do not love me. You might want me, in a way, but you do not love me. I am afraid that pure joy of making love to someone cannot be reached without the feeling of love." He tells me. That does make sense.

He did not feel that, I know he did not. Still, he reassures me he enjoyed it. How is that possible? Is the physical pleasure that he felt enough to fill the void left by the lack of love? Is it that simple?

"If you had said you enjoyed it only to reassure me, I would rather have the truth." I tell him. I was not aware how… well, sad, I sounded until I actually said it out loud. I sound hurt. I do not think I am.

"I did not take you for a woman who needed reassurance in anything." He tells me, his voice flat.

"When faced with the unknown, I am afraid that reassurance might be needed." I whisper.

He catches me by surprise when he sits up and moves so that he is closer to me. He looks at me, directly into the eyes and he brushes the hair out of my face, pushing it behind my shoulder. My hair was my only real cover, at least for my chest. Even so, his eyes never leave my face, not even as he pulls me closer. I was not expecting him to kiss me. Startled as I am, I kiss him back almost instantly. That will never come into question. I might not understand why, or how, but I know that I genuinely enjoy kissing him. I see absolutely no reason to stop doing that.

He pulls back, and almost instantly, he looks me directly into the eyes.

"I did enjoy it. If reassurance is what you need, I will be more than happy to give it to you. I did not lie to you once. I do not plan on changing that. I will always tell you the truth. When I tell you I enjoyed it, very much, I will mean it. When I tell you I would be more than happy to enjoy it every night, I will mean it. You might not see it, Sophia, but to me, you are captivating. Everything about you. Not just your body or your face. I do feel obliged to add that they are both indeed very captivating." He tells me and I chuckle. He smiles at me as soon as he saw that little crinkle in the wall; that chuckle might have just said it all." I have told you before; I am more than lucky to have you as my wife. In every single field we've had a chance to explore. And I am looking forward to exploring more. It might not be ideal, it may require much work, but I am more than willing. You are a smart and kind. You are a beautiful woman. I would be mad not to want you. Both by my side in life and in my bed. You can rest assured. Now, will you let me kiss you before we try to get some sleep?" He asks me.

To think I saw myself as strong. It takes me less than a few seconds to kiss him, instead of answering his question. Luckily for me, Robb might just be the only person that should see me being week, even if it is by being week for him. I can try to deny it, but that man's kisses are heavenly.

…

"Father, I see no reason to discuss such trivial things. Not now, not when we are still in the midst of a war. I agree that it needs to be settled, but let us win the Kingdom first, before deciding what we are to do afterwards." I tell him.

"Sophia, it is important for us to settle this." He tells me. Talking to him is like talking to a brick wall. All of my words, they have no impact on him whatsoever. I cannot remember him ever being this irrational. We never had such difficulty while communicating. I wish I could put the blame on Melisandre and point a finger at her. As easy as that would be, I doubt that to be true. This is Stannis Baratheon. This is who he is now. This is who he is when he is closer to the power he believes to be his.

"Forgive my interruption, but I believe it was settled?" Robb asks. I have never been more grateful for his presence." The South will be yours. The North will be mine. And once we die, my child and your grandchild will be the one King, with both of our blood in his veins. Was that not settled?" Robb asks.

"Would Winterfell or King's Landing be the Kingdome's capital?" Father asks.

"Why does that matter?" I ask him.

"King's Landing is the capitol for a reason." Father tells me." Robert did not make Storm's End the capitol. Targaryens did not make Dragonstone the capitol, all for good reason. Sophia, you have been to King's Landing, many times. You have seen how many ships go into the harbor every day. As much as I do not like the city, it is the center of Westeros. Your unborn heir is not just the heir of Winterfel. He will not be King in the North; he will be King of Westeros. Selyse and I will not have any more children. Even if we were to be blessed with a son, Sophia would still remain my heir. And following that bloodline, so would her child. If you raise your child as a Northerner, he would wish for Winterfell to be the capital."

"What if he does?" I ask and I notice the surprise on my father's face." He may be your blood. He may be my blood as well, and I am a Baratheon by birth. I will always be a Baratheon in my veins, but I have made my promise. In front of the Old Gods, New Gods, even your God. I am a Stark. My child shall be a Stark. Of course he will be raised as a Northerner. He will be a Northerner." I say. It makes no sense to me. I am the one who joined Robb's house, not the other way around. Why would I push my child in a different direction? If I am going to raise him in Winterfell, why should I try to make him a Southerner?

"Having Winterfell as the capital of Westeros is at the very least highly unpractical." Father tells me.

"Because it is so far away?" I ask him and he nods his head." So is King's Landing. Both are as far away from each other as possible. If we are to declare a new capital, we might as well be practical and chose a town in the middle of Westeros." I say. I knew neither Robb nor Father would agree to that." That is why we have wardens. I imagine the day my child takes over the crown is not around the corner. We are discussing a faith of a child that is possibly not even conceived. It is ridiculous. He will be King. I trust my husband and I will raise him to be smart enough to make such a decision when the time comes." I say.

"What will happen if I die before your child is born? Or before he is old enough to take over? You will be the Queen. Both of The South, by birth, and of The North, by marriage. How do you imagine leading to be the Queen of a Kingdome from Winterfell, hundreds of miles away from the capital?" Father asks me.

"If such a day comes, it will be because you have died. I am afraid you will not have a chance to speak your mind then. If such a day comes, it shall be my decision. Not yours, not even Robb's. Mine. And I will make it. Now, for the sake of sanity, I would prefer to stop discussing different outcomes that might not even happen. I have a journey I need to prepare for. If I may be excused." I say, getting out of my seat before Father gives me his permission. I may still be his child, but by the law, we are equals now. I am just as much a Queen as he is a King, even if I am his daughter and a Princess as well.

Queen? Princess? At this point, I am nothing more than an angry woman. I march through the castle corridors, angrier with each step I make. I slam the door shut as I walk into my chambers and I do not stop walking until I am on the balcony. The wind might usually calm me down, but now, it cannot.

I am tired of him trying to control my life in such a way. I am in this position because of him. He made me his heir. Granted, he did not have many options. Still, it was his decision. He was the one who decided to call for a war, whether his reasons were good or not. He was the one who arranged my marriage and blindsided me with it. He had gave himself the right to suggest to my husband, who also happens to be a King, that he should spend more time bedding me instead of working on battle plans!

I thought I knew Stannis Baratheon. Now I have to admit to myself that I do not know him at all.

I did not think I would ever look forward to the day I leave my home. Never. No matter where I am going, I never thought I would look forward to leaving. Now, as that day approaches, it feels like I am closer to relief. Because of this feeling, I also feel guilt.

It is not my fault. It is not my fault that I have been pushed away. Days have passed and that was enough for all of us to change. I changed along with my name. Robb changed because suddenly, he is not doing it all on his own. Father changed because this time, he actually believes he will win. It is closer to him, it is palpable. Power changes people. That is hardly a surprise. It seems that I did not imagine my father to be as weak as he seems to be. If there is one person in the whole of Westeros that could not get drunk with power, I would have said it was my Father. After today? I am not sure of anything anymore.

"Sophia?" I hear Robb call and curse under my breath. I wish he did not come after me, at least not this soon." Are you alright?" He asks as he walks onto the balcony, to watch me pace from one side to another. Just as I thought that my anger was dying down, it started burning up again.

"No, I am not. How dare he?" I hit my fist on the stone wall. It hurts more than I expected it to." How dare he say such things? How dare he behave like that? How dare he treat you like you are less of a King than he is? Your people chose you! No one chose him; he was simply born into it! That throne may be his by right, but you have earned yours and he does not have a right to treat you like that!"

"Sophia, I do not find him disrespectful." Robb tells me.

"Good for you. I do." I tell him, and as soon as I do, I regret it. He did nothing do deserve this reaction. It is not his fault, not even a little bit." You do not understand. You did not know us before all of this. I used to be enough for him. He trusted me; he would want me to speak my mind, to advise him. He would make his own decisions, but for the most part, he wanted to hear what I had to say. He did not make me his heir when he realized he would not have any sons. My mother lost a child plenty of times. All he had was Shireen and me. Even before that, even before it became clear to everyone that he would not have a male heir, he decided that it was going to be me. He taught me. He showed me what the world was truly like, who to trust and who not to trust. I was enough. I made him proud. You are a child of a truly honorable man and an incredibly strong woman. Tell me, isn't the thought of their pride over you the most amazing feeling you have ever felt? Because it was for me. I was proud that he was proud. When he started this war, all of a sudden, I was not enough. I was not capable enough to keep to him away from the claws of that… bitch! I am a woman and because of it, he has to plan out who will rule and how! He makes his plans using a child that does not exist! My child, for that. Your child. Not his, not Melisandre's, ours! My biggest fault is that I am a woman. If I were a man, he never would have had to make this alliance with you; he never would have tried to win a crown over from my bed. He is using me and I am letting him, because he is better than all the other contenders. He is using us, both of us!"

"Sophia, calm down." Robb tells me, but it is too late. The anger, the pure rage I felt, it got the best of me. I am shouting and crumbling into pieces. I cannot control my tears." Sophia, please." He tries to calm me down, with no results. He pulls me in and even though I try to get away, he does not let me. In a matter of seconds, I was holding onto him, instead of trying to escape his embrace.

I cannot say for how long he holds me. I did not calm down easily.

"Promise me you will not let him use you." I ask of him as I pull away to look at him; his arms are still around me and I can read the worry on his face." Promise me that you will not let him stop you from doing what you believe is right. You will not be his pawn. We will not be his pawns, neither will our children. I beg of you, promise me that we will not let him use us in this game. Not unless we are using him as well. We fight on the same side but not for the same seat. Two different Kingdoms while you and him rule. Our heir is the one who will unite them, not him. Promise me that you will keep on fighting the fight you started and that you will not let Stannis Baratheon lead you away from it. You fought for vengeance and for a free North. Keep on fighting. Keep on fighting and promise me that we will not let him influence what we do, as a Kingdom and as a family. We might be on the same side, but my alliance changed that day, Robb. I may not be the wife you desired. I may not be able to be all that you hoped for me to be. I may not give you a son. I may have faults but I will be damned if you ever lose my support. That day… I did not love you and you know that, but I meant every single word. I am your wife, I am a Stark and I will be by your side for as long as I live. Come what may, I know where my loyalties lie. I will raise a child, not a future King, not Stannis's pawn. Yes, it will be a ruler and yes, he will have royal blood in his veins but it will be my child. My child, our child, our creation. The North will be yours and I will be by your side and we will both try and do our best to do what needs to be done. Promise me we will not let him take that away from us. "

"I promise." He tells me. He can tell I am not convinced." I promise." He reassures me once more. He inches closer to me. I was expecting a kiss. I did get one, but on the head, before he pulled me back into a strong hug. He rested his chin on my head as he hugged me.

At what point did this stranger become my biggest support?


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey guys, here's a new chapter. Thank you all for reading and following, especially those of you who took the time to review and give me some feedback; it means a lot. You know the drill, let me know what you think, if you'd like to. Next chapter will be up in a couple of days. I'm planning a little bit of a plot twist for the next one :) Thank you so much, hope you like what I did with this one!**

For me, the strangest part of marriage was the change of sharing a bed with someone. It did not feel comfortable to me, not at all. I was afraid to move, afraid to wake him up, to bother him in any way. I have limited my movements as much as I could and I would be like a statue.

Not after what happened between us two nights ago. When I woke up this morning, half of my body, at the very least, was on his side of the bed. His arm was outstretched over my pillow. Neither one of us was like a statue now.

I turn to my side to look at him. There was something special about the way his curls get rustled during his sleep and fall onto his face and the way his mouth was barely open, his chest rising up and down as he slept through the day. I've seen it on my sister as well, but now I know that we all look much younger when we are asleep. The lines and creases that are the proof of our worry? Those go away. He is no King, nor a husband. He is just a man. A man who grow up before his time. I wonder if he sees the same thing in me, if he even takes time to look.

When his eyes suddenly open, I know it is too late for me to pretend as if I was asleep. So I say nothing as I watch him yawn and rub his eyes, before turning to his side to face me.

"Good morning." He mumbles, his voice breaking.

"I'm sorry." I say. I almost smile; he looks much more awake now that he heard me apologize." For last night. And all last afternoon. You should not have seen that. You should not have seen me like that."

"Seen you like what?" He asks me.

"Sad. Angry. Hurt. All of the given possible answers." I say and this time, he smiles at me.

"I believe that the word you are searching for might be "real". And if that is the word you are searching for, than I believe you are mistaken. Real is the only way I should see you."

"You are too kind for your own good, do you know that?"

"We shall see. I believe I am as kind as others are to me."  
"Does that mean you find me being kind to you?" I ask.

"Without a doubt." He says, smiling." Not many women would accept a stranger like you did me. Not many women would stand by that stranger's side, no questions asked."

"Not all strangers are you." I whisper.

I sit up, ready to start what is definitely going to be a long day. As soon as I do, he puts his hand on mine, and I turn to look at him, slightly startled.

"Stay with me." He says. He is not smiling. He just has that… that look, that look that is specific for him and him alone." Only a while longer?"

It's not a suggestion; it is a question. He is not telling me to stay; he is asking me to stay.

"Alright." I say as I lay back down in the bed. He kisses the back of my hand and I smile. That is the most gentle of all gestures. It does not show desire. In my mind, it shows trust. Faith. Kindness.

I move closer to him and I let him kiss me again. And once more, I do not stop him.

…

"Oh, for the love of!" I spat out when I managed to step on the end of my dress, yet again. I hold it up and continue marching, with Robb behind me, walking faster to catch up." It is not very nice to laugh at me, considering you are the reason I am wearing dresses in the first place." I say. He only laughs more.  
"How am I the reason?"

"If I was not your Queen, no one would think twice about you wearing breeches or anything else remotely comfortable and practical."

"By all means, change your clothing." He tells me, and I turn around to look at him, to see if he is actually being serious." Do not let me prevent you for comfortable clothing."

"The fact that you are reasonable enough does not mean everyone else is." I say, shaking my head, knowing that me wearing breeches, now that I am a Queen, might start a complete outrage.

"Try not to look at it in such a way." He tells me, and this time, he laughs at the look I give him." I mean it. Who cares what everyone else says? Save elegance for special occasions." He says and I laugh.

"I once heard a saying that every day is a special occasion."

"Of all the things I expected to hear from you…" He laughs, shaking his head." Is Shireen still asking you to meet Grey Wind?" He asks.

"Only at least 30 times, every day, but I am not counting." I say and he chuckles." One would think that a girl her size would not be looking forward to facing a direwolf." I say, shaking my head. I cannot believe she keeps insisting on it. Even I haven't had a particular desire to meet Robb's beast. He would go to see him every day and he would ask if I care to join, but I never did. Perhaps in time, I might get more comfortable around the wolf, but seeing it from afar was more than enough for me.

"Grey Wind is not a beast." He tells me.

"Are the stories of him killing your opponents in battles untrue then?"

"He is not a beast when he is not in a battle." He says and I'm laughing.

"He is a beast Robb. Obedient and cuddly, but he is a beast." I say and he rolls his eyes, smiling at me.

"Do not be so hard on him. With me, he is like a pup. Will you join us?" He asks me.

"I have to. I cannot exactly leave my sister with you and a direwolf, can you?"  
"Have more faith in me; I come from a large family. Besides, Shireen is your family. That makes her my family as well. Do you truly believe I would ever let her be in danger?" He asks.

"Too good for your own good, Stark." I mumble, shaking my head.  
"So are you, Stark."

…

"Do not get too close to him, Shireen." I warn her as she approaches the beast in front of us.  
"Sophia, I am safe. Robb is here and Grey Wind listens to him." She tells me. Wonderful, she should simply let my husband be in charge of all of our safety at all times. Who needs common sense and survival instincts when Robb Stark is here to protect you?

"Is she always like this?" I hear Robb ask her.  
"Yes. But I wouldn't change a thing about her." She tells him. I feel both irritated and proud.

"I would suggest that you two should bond without me present, since your common topic appears to be making fun of me." I tell them, looking over Robb's shoulder to see if Shireen is alright.

"Can't you have fun, for once?" Robb asks.

"I can have fun, believe me. Petting a direwolf simply does not happen to be my idea of fun. Do not leave her alone." I say to Robb when he turns around and walks over to me.

"See?" He asks, pointing in front of him. I see Shireen petting Grey Wind, who happens to be almost as tall as she is. Gods be good." She is doing fine. Now come." He says as he grabs me by the hand and pulls me after him. When we approach him, Grey Wind turns his head to me. It looks as if he is trying to realize if I am good or not. He has a frightening stare. I jump up when he lets out a low growl." Do not worry. He is just assessing you. He is being territorial." Robb says and I start laughing.  
"Territorial?" I ask. I risk it all and I put my hand on his fur. He does not growl this time, and after a little while, he noticeably becomes more comfortable." I am afraid you have chosen a wrong person to be territorial with, my friend. You will be seeing a lot more of me. Both of us are here to stay." I say to the beast as I pet it, at the same time with Shireen. I hate to admit it, but Grey Wind does act like a little pup, at least now that he is getting used to me. Sadly, I think this relationship will need more building.

"You will grow on him, do not worry." Robb tells me.

"I am afraid he needs to grow on me as well. Or is a direwolf more important than a wife?" I ask Robb. I might have crossed a line, but when I look up at him, he is smiling and shaking his head.

"Will I see any direwolfs when we get to Winterfell?" Shireen asks me, and I turn to look at Robb. I am not that familiar with the North and the animals that might be found there.

"I am afraid that that might not happen." Robb tells her." Direwolfs are not common animals that we can find every day. Grey Wind and his brothers and sisters were only pups when we found them, and we could take them only because their mother was dead. Beyond the Wall, perhaps, but I find it highly unlikely that you will go beyond the wall." He tells her. He chose his words, careful not to break her heart. What he does not know is that he just gave her an idea to go beyond the Wall.

"We should head back to the castle; I do not want you catching a cold right before our journey." I say to Shireen. She gives me a sad look, but I do not cave. Both of us pet Grey Wind one more time, wait for Robb to do the same, and then we leave him, Robb locking the door behind us.

I should have worn more clothes, thicker furs. I look over to Shireen; she does not look as if she is cold, and Robb, of course, in his Northern clothing, is more than warm. I, on the other hand, am freezing. I will have to change too; I am dragging the end of my dress all over wet sand.

I do not see the North being better, or practical. With the winter coming, I imagine I will miss the warmth of King's Landing in no time. Alas, my alliance is now with the North.

"How long will it takes us to get to Winterfell?" Shireen asks me and I smile at her.

"I cannot say, little one. Why not ask the only one of us who has been there." I tell her.

"It is quite a long journey, Princess Shireen." Robb tells her." There will not be many stops for you, I am afraid. Except for Riverrun, perhaps. 14 sleeps, I would say, at the very least." He tells her.

"That is a very long journey."

"We will be safe there. We do not get to complain, no matter how much we might want to." I tell Shireen with a smile that grows even wider when she rolls her eyes at me. Robb laughs at the exchange.

"Your Grace!" We hear a yell, and all three of us turn around. I see Matthos, running across the beach, trying to reach us. He stops, just a few feet before us, breathless." Your Grace. Your Grace. Princess Shireen." He tells us, nodding his head to each of us.

"What is the matter?" Robb asks him.  
"The King wishes that Queen Sophia joins him at the docks, Your Grace." He tells him.

"Oh Gods." I grunt, shaking my head." I will be back as soon as I can." I tell Robb who nods his head.

"I will escort Princes Shireen back to the castle. You will find me in our chambers, unless Princess Shireen decides to take me on a castle adventure." He tells me, causing my sister to giggle.  
"Do not make me look for you both, for I will find you." I say, warning them both. I smile back at Robb and watch them walk away back to the castle, completely forgetting the fact that I am not alone. As soon as I remember Matthos, of all people, I straighten my back and turn to him." The docks?"

"Yes, Your Grace." He tells me and I start walking.  
"I would prefer if you'd call me Sophia, Matthos." I tell him as he walks beside me.

"That was not appropriate when you were a Princess and it is most certainly not appropriate now, Your Grace." He tells me. Should I be surprised by this demeanor, this sulkiness?  
"And here I thought you were a friend, not a subject."

"There was a time when I was both. I'm afraid I am just a subject now, Your Grace." He tells me.

"That is a shame. Despite everything that has happened, I would have liked having a friend." I say.

"Your husband can be your friend now, Your Grace." He tells me.

"That he can."  
I knew better than to expect Matthos to act as if we did not share that moment. I myself cannot ignore it, despite how much I might want to. It is not over for me, not in my heart. The trace is still there, as it probably will be, for quite some time. Me getting along well with my husband will not simply erase that.

As uncomfortable as it may be, I wished for a better start, between us. This is simply painful.

"Is he kind to you?" He asks me and completely startles me with his change of direction in which our conversation was going." Your Grace." He adds, quickly. But of course.

"He is more than kind, I am afraid."

"Afraid?" Matthos asks me and I smile.

"No matter who he was, it would have been difficult for me to love him. If he was a vile, foulmouthed, unkind drunk, it would have been simple to hate him. In more ways than one, he has been the most perfect husband. He has been nothing more than kind and considerate. Quite humorous as well. I doubt I could hate the man, no matter what he does, not the man he is now. Which leaves me dealing with the difficulty of not loving him."

"Love sometimes takes time before making an appearance, Your Grace." Matthos tells me.

"I know." I agree, unsure if he meant us, or myself and Robb. I do not wish to know it, either." That is what I rely on. I have told him about you, you know." I say. Matthos's eyes go wide.

"Why would you do that?" He asks me, looking more afraid that I have ever seen him before.

"Because he asked me." I simply say." Worry not; not only does he understand, but he is in the same situation as I am. Perhaps even worse. He understands it; one more reasons I doubt I could ever hate him. Besides, no ill was done, Matthos. We did nothing. We were two foolish kids who did not know any better, and who have now been forced to grow up. Sooner, rather than later, what we had will be nothing but a chapter in our long, thick, adventure filled books."

"I suppose you are right." He agrees. I smile at him." Your Grace." He says and I roll my eyes.

"Almost. Almost." I grunt, shaking my head and I actually manage to make him smile. Now, that is a sight I have not seen in a very long time. A smile on Matthos's face, no matter how brief it was, was a nice change to the sulky and frowning man I have been seeing since we started this whole mess.

The last time I was near the docks had to be long before Robb's arrival. That would explain why I was not aware of how many ships we actually had. I imagine I looked as surprised as I feel. Father's fleet was more than damaged in the Battle of King's Landing; it was close to completely destroyed. I was not aware of the numbers we have now; I counted 20, and those are only the ones I can see from here.

"Sophia!" I hear father calling me, and I make my way to him, along the dock." Impressive?" He asks. ]

"Yes, very." I agree, staring in awe in the ship in front of me." Since when do we have such a fleet?"

"Since your husband and I have decided to win Westeros." He tells me." We are not playing games with them, not anymore. It will be very difficult, but we will do it. Unfortunately, difficult days lie ahead."

"Father, I am well aware of that. I am reminded of it constantly."

"I know you are, Sophia. You know, very well, how difficult it will be for us to get this Kingdome. You also know how difficult it will be to rule it. The one thing I cannot say if you know or not, is how difficult it will be for you to rule Winterfell in your husband's stead." He tells me.

"That is one of the reasons Lady Catelyn will join me."  
"Lady Catelyn may very well be a great lady and a great advisor, but she is no ruler." He tells me.

"If that is the way we choose to look at it, neither am I." I tell him." She was by her husband's side for all those years. She knows Winterfell, and I do not. I may hold the title, but she will rule as well, perhaps even more than me." I tell him and I can read it in his expression, he does not agree with me." Father, you have prepared me to be a good wife and a good daughter. Once we have realized that I am going to be a Princess, perhaps, one day, even the ruler of this Kingdome, we had limited time. I could only learn so much. I may be a champion in using words and knowing when I am dealing with snakes, but I do not know how to rule. I am yet to learn that. Hopefully, I will, with the help of you and Robb. Winterfell will be my true test. And I will need Lady Catelyn to do that, even if you disagree." I tell him.  
"I do not disagree. I know fully well that her help will be needed, but you will rule the North."

"Until my husband returns. And when he does, I will be more than happy to let him do something he was born to do. We still have some time. Days, yes, but he will guide me, and so will his Mother. I will do my best. I can promise you, I shall not let my husband lose his Kingdome." I tell him. Unsure as I may be, venturing into uncharted territories, I can be sure of one thing alone. I will kick, scream, shout, beg, cry and bleed to keep the North in my hands. I will do whatever it takes to keep it in Robb's hands.

"Sophia, I do not doubt your capability. I fear that the pressure may be too much for you to handle."

"It is mine to handle. It matters not if it is too much or too little. I can handle it. And I will do so."

"Very well." He tells me with a nod." Would you care to dine with me and your mother tonight?" He asks me. I try not to show my surprise with his suggestion, but I believe that I have failed.

"Thank you for your invitation, but I already made plans to dine with my husband. Perhaps tomorrow."

"Of course, tomorrow night it is." He tells me and I nod." How are you getting along with him?" he asks.

"Fine. Just fine." I tell him. I can see that that is not enough to satisfy his curiosity." If you are asking out of your interest for my wellbeing, I can assure you that I am one lucky woman. He is a kind, smart, sweet man. King he may be, but he is very different from any Kings I have met in my lifetime. If you are asking out of worry for our heir, I can tell you that that is none of your business, I am afraid. We can only do so much. Heirs do not fall out of trees into our ready hands. You, for one, should know that, Father."

"You should not be talking to me in such a way." He tells me, his voice as strict as it can get.

"I know. Neither should you be asking such questions. My duty, devotion and respect for you can only go so far. I have helped you in every way possible, and I do not regret that. I would do it all the same, if I could. I married a man you chose. I married a man for a Kingdome, not out of love. And I am learning how to live with that man. I may be luckier than most, which is not something I take lightly. Trust me, Father, I am lucky. I could have married a far worse man than the one I did. I do not know him like a wife should know her husband, but I am studying. Lucky as I am, I married him to help you. I know that, you know that, and trust me, he knows it as well. That is not what he wished to wake up to. He is kind enough to understand; after all, he married me for a Kingdome as well, not out of love. We are trying to be husband and wife, trying to be a family, in all of this mess. We are working. I, for one, do not find it helpful when you, or anyone else, for that matter, try to interfere. Yes, I married him so that you could have your rightful place on the throne; so that my child could have it as well. But my marriage is not a game. I do not take it lightly and I am not playing with it. All that you or anyone else needs to know is that both of us are more than aware of the fact that we need to have an heir. Everything else is far beyond anyone else's limits. I will not allow it. Whether I am foolishly in love with him or I despise him with every inch of me, that is mine and mine alone. So I ask you once, do not ask me, or him. Do not give your suggestions, subtle as they may be. I will not let you do that. You got what you wanted. Now leave us be, at least when it comes to the relationship we share with one another." I tell him.

Father is not a person who takes criticism lightly. Neither do I, but I tend to listen to it. I may not like it, or agree with it, but I listen. With Father, it enters the one ear and leaves the other. He will nod his head, agree, and in a few days' time, it will all be the same as it was before. My only hope is that I will not be around when he returns to his true ways; we do not get a few days' time.

That is, of course, if he does not decide that an heir is so urgent, I should be brought to the war camp at once. I would not fight it, but there is a reason I will be in Winterfell, and not by Robb's side. That may not be what I desire, but it is what needs to be done. For my safety, for the safety of Winterfell and the whole Kingdome. I need to be a long way away when Stannis decided that he is a meddling man that he never was before.

"I will not say one more word about it." He reassures me, after contemplating my little speech.

"Thank you." I tell him and I mean it. I feel thankful and relieved." As impressive as our fleet may be, I do have a journey I need to prepare for. I also have to spend time with my husband. I will meet with you and Mother tomorrow for supper. If I may be excused." I say and when he nods, I turn and make my way along the dock, back to the beach.

Matthos had disappeared by now, but I do not need someone to follow me; I do not need guidance to make my way back to the castle. Frankly, I prefer to take this walk alone. I need time.

I settled one important matter with Father. Now I only have to conceive an heir in five days.

It will not happen. I feel it in my bones, it will not happen, not yet. No matter how many times we try. We will not have the same luck his parents had. Our luck is being used in other fields.

I do not wish to share this with Robb. After all, just because I think we will not be lucky, does not mean that I am right. I may be proven wrong. Even if I was right, I still have to try. We still have to try.

I am not sure what I am frightened of more. Not having an heir and being at risk, or being with child, without a husband to help me, all alone in the cold North. Frankly, I would not be filled with joy, no matter what happened. Each situation will have an issue on its own. Having a child, raising a child on my own might be a challenge that makes me shiver. That does not make it a worse option.

We need to keep trying. There is no way around it. It will either work, or it will not. I only know that both of us would sleep tighter, knowing we did all we could.

I am not looking forward to this journey. I am not looking forward to our departure, or to parting ways with Robb. Sadly, I believe I need him more than I thought was possible.

We shall see. Perhaps I will not be as dependent on a stranger as I am now. Perhaps it is all in my head, my mind playing tricks on me, my insecurities and fears pulling me down. Since I will have no true choice but to keep swimming toward the surface, I suppose it will all become much clearer soon enough. I will be on the surface, with or without him. Though, it would be nice to have a little push.


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey guys! One thing escaped my notice last time: "Running up that hill" is officially my most successful story! I am beyond happy and I can't thank you enough for everything! Especially CLTex, who takes time to give a review every time; BIG shout out to you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm so proud of this; I might actually throw a party to celebrate this! :) And I'll toast you all, all 189 of you! Anyways, I hope you like this chapter. It holds a big hint for some of the future chapters and the shift in the dynamic. As always, tell me what you think. Criticism and suggestions are welcomed! Expect a new chapter soon! :)**

"We need to save any coin possible." Robb tells me as I lean over his shoulder to look at the papers he is looking at." We are not in such a bad position, but it does not look good. We need to save as much as we can." He tells me. Unfortunately, that is not something I did not already know.

"How are we supposed to do that if you have a war to win and I have a city to rebuild?" I ask him.

"We do what is necessary. It will all be different once we win King's Landing. From there on, we have to push more and more into the land. It will be better once we take over." He reassures me.

"You want me to control spending in Winterfell?" I ask him.  
"Yes. Still, we need to rebuild it."

"It will not be easy, Robb. I will do what I can. Your mother will as well." I tell him.

"I know. There is one more thing I need to ask of you. And this is crucial. My Mother does not know about it." He tells me, and he gets up. He will trust me with something he did not trust his Mother with? I am worried, with good reason." I have not told her, since this is something she might strongly oppose."

"And you do not wish to push your decision as a King onto her?"

"Yes." He tells me, shaking his head." It is not an easy decision to make, but it is for the greater good, and my Mother will see that. Her disagreement comes solely from her emotions and feelings, and I cannot make my decisions based on my Mother's feelings." He says.

"Robb, the more you talk, the more frightened I get. What exactly do you want me to do?"

"I want you to go and get my brother from the Night's Watch." He tells me and my eyes go wide.

"How? He said his vows; he is serving the Night's Watch until the end. You cannot expect me to march in there and demand him back. A Queen I may be, but Night's Watch… Would he even want to leave?" I ask. Now I understand why he did not share this information with Catelyn. Just as I understand why she would not like it. I hold no grudges to his brother; I have never met the man, nor do I have a reason to think badly of him. The only thing I know is that taking him away from the Night's Watch would be a big, enormous move. It would go against rules and traditions. We would break them. I would break them.

"You would speak with him first, of course." Robb tells me." Jon had always been adamant on joining the Night's Watch, but a different time has come. When making his decision, he could not know that we would lose Father the way we did, or that I would be King. And I need his help. I need my brother. If I have to break rules, so be it. I will break them and then I will change them. Jon will listen. It may take a little convincing, but he will listen, and that is why I ask of you to do that. You could convince him, I know you could. Perhaps with more ease than I ever could." He tells me.

"Even if I do… Do you truly believe that the Lord Commander would simply let him walk away?" I ask. I am not familiar with the Night's Watch, not as good as Robb is, and yet I do know one rule that has been existing since the very beginning of the Night's Watch: One cannot leave. One cannot simply leave. If they do, they are considered to be deserters and deserting is considered to be a crime, punishable by death. Even if I convince Robb's brother to leave, he cannot do that.

"No, he would not. But he might reconsider if I proclaim Jon a Stark." Robb tells me, his voice low. My eyes go wide yet again; he has been surprising me with every single word tonight.

"That would make him your heir, would it not?" I ask.

"Until my child is born, yes. And I would trust Winterfell in Jon's hands." He reassures me.

"My father would not like that." I say, shaking my head.

"That is why Jon would not be an heir to the throne, but an heir to Winterfell only." Robb says. I think I might understand now." If I die, either you or our child would take the crown. That would remain the same. However, Jon would take Winterfell, the North. He would be the heir, the warden. You could rule with your Father, or our child, and Winterfell would still be in the hands of a Stark. Bear in mind that that would happen only if I die, and I have every intention of surviving." He adds.

"I see." I say, nodding my head." Perhaps, if that happens, it would be better to have a true Northerner in Winterfell. And I would take over the rest. And that decision does not influence my Father in any way. It does influence your Mother, I am afraid. She would not take that lightly." I warn Robb.

"Jon is a good man. My mother knows that. None of what happened was Jon's fault in any way and yet, she was not kind to him. She did not accept him. I cannot say that I blame her. The time has come for her to finally accept Jon as my father's son. He has always been a true brother to me and now, I will proclaim that. It may not be enjoyable for my mother, but my decision is final." He tells me.

"Why not tell her that? Why leave me with that task?" I ask him.

"Because she will not try to stop you." Robb tells me." And I do not want her to know before the time is right. I do not want her to know before you come back to Winterfell, with Jon by your side."

"How do you expect me to do that?" I ask him." I cannot just leave Winterfell , without an explanation."

"I am afraid that you will have to. Either that, or you will have to lie to her." he tells me. I can tell, by his expression, that that idea is something he is not looking forward to, even if I am the one who has to do it. Still, he will not back down. He wants me to do that and I do not think that I have a choice about it.

"You want me to lie to me one real ally?" I ask him.

"Jon would be your ally as well." He tells me." And my Mother is a reasonable woman. She will understand why I did what I did, just as she will understand that you had nothing to do with it; that you simply carried out what I asked you to. She would not hold any of it against you." He reassures me.

"Even if she does… How can I expect her to simply continue with her life, even in Jon's presence? And what about him? Would he enjoy being faced with someone who despises him?" I ask. Robb had told me about this himself. Jon was not accepted. He might have been accepted by everyone else, but he was most definitely not accepted by Lady Catelyn. I might have my own opinions about it, but it is not my place to state them. Especially because I was never in Lady Catelyn's or Jon's place. The way Robb explained it to me, it would be a very bad idea to try and put the two together. And yet, that is exactly what he wants me to do.

"My mother changed after the death of her husband." He tells me." I believe she will have some kindness for Jon. And if she does not, she can take it. She will understand." He tells me.

"Even if she does." I say to him, shaking my head." What am I supposed to say to Jon? How can I make him join us? He has not laid eyes on me in his entire life, and now I am supposed to march in there and ask for his help? What makes you think he will simply abandon a life he chose for himself and join a complete stranger? Just so that he can help her? You might find me convincing, Robb, but I am afraid that will not be enough this time."

"You do not know Jon, Sophia."

"Yes, that is exactly the problem. I do not know the man."

"He is a man who will help. He would never turn his back on his family. You are his family as well, it matters not that you are a stranger to him. I am his family. He will do this for me, just as I am doing this for him. This is not about reassurance or having another option for an heir. I need my brother. In the war to come, I will need him by my side. What your Father and I are starting, that will not be over fast. I will need Jon to help me. And I know that for a while, his help will be more than welcome to you." He tells me. He is acting on worry, I can see that. I wish that I could tell him that I do not need his brother to help me, but I cannot. For all I know, I will be desperately in need of help. I wish I could reassure him that he would not need Jon, that he can do it all on his own, but I cannot. His brother might be the one thing that he needs. His brother might be what I cannot be; his help and support.

"I will do what I can. I will do _all_ I can. We can only hope that that will be enough." I whisper.  
"Jon will follow you." He tells me, nodding his head." I know him, he will. When you tell him who you are, when you inform him of everything, he will follow you."

"What about the Lord Commander of the Night's Watch? Will he let him leave?" I ask.

"If Jon chooses to, he can return to the Night's Watch when this all ends." Robb tells me." That will be his choice to make, and he will make it as the brother of the King."

"You truly miss your brother?"

"Aye, I do." He nods.

"I promise to do everything possible to get him back to you. That is the least I can do." I tell him.

I will help him. I will do my best to get his brother back to him. I will lie to his mother; I will anger his mother if I had to. And I will not do it because it is an order from my King. I will do that because my husband asked for my help. I can say it is not simply duty. I will not do it because it is my duty to help my husband. I will do it because I want to. Looking at him now, I see that he needs his brother. He has no problem in admitting it either, but I can tell he is missing him more than he will let me know. I want to help him with this. I will do what I have to do. In my opinion, that is the least I can do for him.

"Thank you." He tells me. I believe I have not heard such sincerity in his voice before.

"Thank me when I succeed." I tell him with a small smile. He smiles back at me.

"Alright. I shall do it then as well." He says with a nod of his head, still smiling. He walks towards me. Confused with his movements, I simply stand. And I am caught by complete surprise when he puts his arms around me and just holds me. I would have been less surprised with a kiss, in all honesty." I did not imagine saying this to you when it all happened, but I tell the truth when I say that I will miss you being here. I will miss you when you leave."

"This may come as a surprise to you, but I will miss you as well." I mumble into his shoulder." After all these years of my life, when I was, essentially, on my own, I had to share my life with someone. At first, it was difficult. I would not say that it is easy now, but it is getting easier by each day. It is a shame that I will leave now that we are making progress. I am getting used to sharing my life with someone, sharing my life with you. There is a big part of me that does not want to leave." I say.

He pulls me back and he smiles down at me. My hands are behind his neck even before he kissed me.

…

The night before was my last night at Dragonstone, probably for a very long time, if not ever.

I did not want to leave. Not the only place I ever called home, not Robb. Not even my family. I might be bringing the best part of home with me, as Shireen, but I did not want to leave the rest of my family. I did not want to leave Davos. I suppose I did not want to leave Matthos either.

When I imagined my last night at home, I always imagined it to be festive. That I will spend time with both Father and Mother, despite how uncomfortable that time might be. I somehow hoped it would be filled with laughter and reminisce of our shared memories. I certainly did not imagine it to be the way it actually was.

I dined with Robb. I talked to him about what lies ahead. We even had one cup of wine too many. There was laughter and there was a serious conversation. And eventually, I imagine, passion.

Passion might just be the right definition. It was like he once explained; I do not love him, yet I do feel something. A mixture of desire and a drive, drive for fulfilling my duty. He might not hold my heart, but I would be a fool to deny it. Last night was as closed to enjoyable as our shared nights got.

The sensation is not as unfamiliar as it was before. He is not a complete stranger anymore. I am not as shy and as timid as I might have been. It is far from over; we still have a long journey ahead of us, but we are closer than we were before. Unfortunately, I will leave today. And all of this progress will fade away.

"Why do you always wake up this early?" Robb grunts, not even opening his eyes. I have to smile.

"I cannot say. I never was an early riser before." I tell him.

"We were awake almost the entire night, how did you get enough sleep?" He asks, smiling as well.

"I did not. But I have to leave today." I say and he finally opens his eyes." I don't want to leave."

"I do not want you to leave." He tells me.

"Sadly, that is not enough." I say, with a small smile." I have to get ready." I say as I sit up. He catches me by surprise when he tugs at my hand. I fall back on the bed, right next to him.

"Not yet you don't." He says and he kisses me before I can protest.

Frankly, I do not want to protest, not at all.

I wasted too much time with him, now. I have to pull myself away from his arms, but I cannot do it. We had to say goodbye in this way. We had to try one more time, at least one more time, before I leave. And even more than before, I do not want to leave. Not this bed, not Dragonstone, not him.

I think he can feel that, as he is the one to pull away first. I lie in our bed, head against the pillow, staring at a brick wall as he is getting dressed. With every passing second, I only feel worse.

"Do you remember, what you suggested?" He asks and I finally look at him.

"I am afraid I suggested plenty of things." I say and he smiles. The smiled fades away in a moment.

"It was not her." He tells me." It was never her. I never imagined her. Not the first night. Not a single time since. Not this morning. It was always you." he says. I can only imagine that this is what a strong hit in the stomach feels like. I want to say something, anything, but I cannot find the words. It is difficult to find the right words after such a confession. "We must hurry." He tells me and I get up at once.

…

Saying your goodbyes is not an easy task. Now I know that I was mistaken; I believed I was ready to say goodbye to my family, but now, as I am doing just that, I know that I am not.

"You have tears in your eyes, Your Grace. Don't." Davos tells me, shaking his head.

"Davos, do not call me that." I mumble.

"We will see each other again, Sophia. That is a promise." He tells me. I smile, holding back my tears as I give him a hug. A strongest hug I could possibly give. When I pull away, I look behind him.

"Matthos?" I call. He raises his head, surprised that I am calling him, but he does walk over to me and his father. I do not smile, I do not say anything, I just throw my arms around him." Stay safe." I whisper as I pull away. He gives me a nod of his head. Looking away, I see that Shireen and Lady Catelyn are walking towards our carriage; I'd better rush. I walk over to Mother, who has tears in her eyes.

"You were always more of a Baratheon than you were a Florent." She tells me in a low voice." Sadly, neither your Father or I deserve a child like you." She tells me and I can see, from the corner of my eyes, Father looking away. Apparently he does not agree with Mother.

"Mother, stop." I tell her, shaking my head." It is over now. I will take care of Shireen, and you take care of Father." I tell her. She grabs my hand. Her expression goes from sadness to shock as I pull my hand away. I cannot see what her expression is like when I hug her. Taking a deep breath, to steady myself, I make my way to Father.

"I am proud of you." He tells me as he holds my hand." I will always be proud of you. That will never change. You are my daughter and heir and I am proud to call you that."  
"Thank you." I whisper. Father is not a man of emotion, but I throw that notion away as I hug him as well. I do not know when I will see him again, or if I will see him again at all. I had to do it. My own emotions are overpowering me, as I have no reaction when he kisses me on the head. That is not something he tends to do. I suppose he is also aware that this might be the last time we see each other.

"Be safe." He tells me as I pull back.

"You too, Father." I say.

Robb was standing a few feet away from the rest of them, and I was glad for that; I do not want anyone else to hear what I am about to say.

"I suppose this is a goodbye?" I ask and he smiles at me.

"Only for the time being."

"You'd better keep that promise." I say, my voice low, as I am unsure if they can hear us or not.

"I will." He reassures me, for the thousandth time." I have something to get back to."

"Perhaps, if we are lucky, you may have one reason more." I say. He does not need me to explain what I mean. That particular explanation has been like a shadow on the both of us, since the day we married.

"Perhaps. And if not, that will change. I will be back sooner than you'd like." He says and I actually laugh, finding that hard to believe." You will pray for me to go to war again when I start boring you."

"I find that highly unlikely." I smile." I will write you." He nods; we agreed to that a while ago. Writing will be our only communication, and we have to follow it through." Promise me, Robb. Promise me that you will come back and that we will do this together. One more time, I beg of you." I whisper.

"I promise." He tells me. I expected a hug, perhaps a kiss on the head, even on the cheek. I did not imagine that he would kiss me in front of our whole family, not the way he did.

It was not a subtle, goodbye kiss. It was a kiss that clearly states that neither one of us wants this to happen. I am short of breath when I pull away, making a point to not look at anyone else.

"I will miss you. Stay safe and come back." I say, taking his hand.

"Same goes for you." He says. Again, he took me by surprise when he kissed the back of my hand. As surprised as I may be, I laugh. I do not smile, I laugh, shaking my hand at him. In my Father's eyes, it may be a little too late for him to act like a perfect knight. Our kiss made quite a statement.

I do not say anything else. I look at all of them, one more time, before turning around and walking to the carriage. I will see them. I know it, in my bones. Davos, Matthos, Mother, Father, Robb. I will see them all again, on a more joyous occasion and I will hug them with all the strength I will have. I know it.

"Sophia, are you ready?" Lady Catelyn asks me as I sit next to Shireen, facing her. I put my arm around my little sister, the only piece of home, the only family I will get to bring with me.

"No, I am afraid not." I say. Catelyn's eyes go wide and I give her a soft smile." In my heart. In my mind, I am already at Winterfell. I may not be ready to leave, but I have to be."

"I understand." She tells me, and the moment she says it, the carriage starts moving. Shireen jumps up to the door, to look at them, but I do not.

I do not look at the family I am living behind and I do not look back at Dragonstone. I will not do that, not until we are a long way away from my home.

This is not easy for me. I prefer not to test my strength by looking at all that I am leaving behind. I chose to look at what is ahead, what I am going towards, not what I am leaving behind.

I have to do it like that, if I want to survive this.

One day, I will see this castle again. I will run through the corridors in the middle of the night. I will sleep in the same room; I will read the same books. One day, I know I will. I will stand on the balcony, staring at this same sea, wishing I was a mermaid, wishing that I could dive under and never go back up. I will remember all the stories that echoed through the stone rooms, some that Davos told me, some that I told to Shireen. Perhaps, that one day, I will get to tell them to my children.

I will be back at Dragonstone. Just as I know that I will see them all again. Someday.


	19. Chapter 19

**Guys, Merry Christmas! Or Christmas Eve, depending on when you read this :D I'm an Orthodox, so it's not my Christmas just yet, but I hope you have a nice and happy one :) There are officially 199 of us. And I am so f-ing proud and thankful, I can't even put it to words. I love you all, hope you enjoy my Christmas present! :)**

 _Robb,_

 _I have been told that it is never good to start a letter with an apology. All the same, I believe it is not good to start a marriage with an apology. Sadly, what I am doing now is just that._

 _I was pleasantly surprised to find out that it is almost completely impossible to write a letter in a moving carriage, with a younger sister leaning over your shoulder to see what you are writing. You called me an intelligent woman. This proves it wrong._

 _I truly am sorry I could not write you sooner. We were constantly on the move, never stopping for more than a brief break, so that we do not rot in that bloody and utterly uncomfortable carriage. This is the first time in days that I will have a chance to sleep in a bed, in chambers of my own, and for that, I am grateful to your Uncle Edmure and all the possible Gods._

 _Also, I am afraid that this letter will contain solely unfortunate news and a dull briefing into our journey._

 _Your Grandfather's passing has left a mark on Riverrun. This is not something we had a chance to discuss in the brief period of time we had with one another, but I believe this is something you were well aware of. Your Uncle has been more than kind. He did all we asked, and more. Still, I see and hear your Lady Mother state that he is not a ruler their Father had been. I cannot help but feel compassionate towards Lord Edmure; I, for one, know fully well what it is like to live in the shadow of a Lord and parent._

 _As uncomfortable as it might have been, our journey so far has been without any complications. Lady Catelyn and Shireen get along perfectly; your Lady Mother has been helping me a lot. All her life, I was a sister to Shireen. I might have been a motherly figure as well, but now that she is with me, in some way, I am her mother now. It is not an easy task and this is where your Lady Mother shined; you can tell she is a mother, through and through. I am fortunate to have her help. After all, she did an amazing job with you._

 _There is one more thing I must inform you of. It makes me sad to tell you that we did not succeed. I am not with child. Both of us were aware how unlikely it was to happen, I know. That does not release me of the feeling that I have failed, both as a wife and as a Queen. As if all of that was not enough on it's own, I also feel like I have failed as a daughter as well._

 _I hope we will have more chances. I would pray, if I only knew which altar to pray to. Still, I believe all of the Gods are getting their good portion of prayers for our unborn child; both of our mothers are praying to different Gods at the very same time. All those prayers cannot simply go unanswered._

 _It is hart to radiate irony in written words. You know me well enough, I believe, to tell. Hopefully, you are waving your head and smiling as you read this._

 _I promise to write to you again, the first chance I have. I have not heard from you yet, but fear not; I am reasonable enough to remind myself that you are, after all, planning a war. Just as I hope that you understand that that carriage is bouncing along and that Shireen has become too bloody intrusive. In her mind, these are love letters, not letters of apology and information. I cannot blame her either way._

 _I hope that you are well. Good luck. And do not forget what you have promised me._

 _Sophia._

I ask one of the maids to take me to the ravens; I do not trust anyone other than myself with this letter. I am hardly giving away important information in it, but I do not want to take that risk. Come to think of it, I do inform Robb that I am not with child. In the hands of enemies, that could be crucial information. If they know for certain that Robb has no true born heir, I imagine they would feel reassurance.

I know fully well that that letter might not end up in Robb's hands. I did the best I could to prevent that from happening. I used the most regular looking raven I could find. Which might not be enough, as I know nothing about ravens. We have discussed this and we have agreed: we are sending letters.

"Sophia." I hear Lady Catelyn call and when I turn around I see her and Shireen walking my way.

"Where did the two of you disappear?" I asked them, smiling.

"Your sister wished to see the castle grounds." Catelyn tells me with a smile. Of course she has.

"Did you enjoy your tour, Shireen?" I ask her.

"As a matter of fact, I did. It is much prettier than Dragonstone." She tells me, completely unaware that in a way, she just insulted our home. I hold back a smile and I see Catelyn do the same.

"I am glad Father is not around to hear you." I tell Shireen.

"But it's the truth." She says, her tone accusatory, as if I should always agree with her." Dragonstone had no nature. No trees, no grass. Have you seen the grounds around Riverrun?"

"I have. Bear in mind, there is no sea in Riverrun. No mermaids." I tell her.

"Maybe there are mermaids in the river." Shireen challenges me, and this time, I cannot hold back my laugh." We never heard the fairytales from this region. For all we know, there are thousands of them."

I do not have the heart to ruin here dream, even if I do not know for certain if she actually believes in it.

"Sophia, my brother asked us both to join him tonight, so that the three of us can dine and talk."

"I am more than happy to join you. So long as there will be no mermaid tails on a platter." I tell her.

"Sophia!" Shireen snaps, but she is laughing at the same time. I make a face, only to make her laugh even more.

"I can assure you both; we shall not be dining on mermaids." Catelyn says, smiling at my sister.

…

A roast boar. With more side dishes than I could count, followed by apple tarts.

I am unsure of what I imagined war life to be like, but I know for a fact that I did not envision roast suppers and fresh fruit as a part of it. Either Riverrun has been incredibly lucky, or Lord Edmure prefers to enjoy the lavish life of a Lord.

Having liked him well enough, I was disappointed to see the side of him I saw tonight. Comparing him to Robert, my uncle, I could see that he was far from him. Edmure is not a drunk, even if we were drinking the finest Dornish wine. It was simply his attitude, the words he chose to speak, the manner in which he spoke them. I could see what Catelyn saw on our very first day. He cannot follow his Father's footsteps. And I see that, knowing their late father only from what Robb and Catelyn have told me.

Edmure might be kind, humorous and a great host, but he is also young, slightly foolish, willing to get drunk on power.

I compared him to Robb as well; Robb, who is younger and who holds much more power in his hands.

Saying that Edmure falls short in comparison to him would be an understatement.

"So? Stannis and Robb have not made a move on the Lannisters?" He asks us, as soon as the servants close the doors behind them, carrying what apple tarts we did not eat.

Supper and conversation. And I was hoping that the conversation would be the more enjoyable part.

"Not that we know of, no." Catelyn tells him.

"What in the name of Seven Hells are they waiting for?" Edmure asks, sounding angry.

"A right moment to strike?" I suggest, earning a not so friendly glance from him." I have been repeating one sentence fairly often, these days. I do not know war. Battle plans, strategies, it is all very foreign to me. However, Father and Robb do. Father is seasoned in battle, and Robb had proven his worth as a warrior all the times that he was on the battlefield. They both know fully well what they are doing. If they are waiting, if they made a decision not to make a move just yet, my first instinct is to trust them with their call. Having been on the move for a longer period of time and being as far away from them as we are now, we cannot possibly know what the situation is like in the South, or in Dragonstone. The best we can do is to wait and trust them. I know I do." I say, taking a sip of wine.

"I agree with Sophia completely." Catelyn says. Once again, reminding me how much I need her now.

"I am not questioning Stannis and Robb's capability." Edmure says, looking directly at me.

"I did not think you were. You asked why they have not made a move as of now, and I told you the only possible reason I chose to trust in. You are eagerly anticipating their move, as are we. That does not mean you are questioning their capability. I have no doubt that you do not." I reassure him.

"I did not choose to support Robb's cause because he is family. I did not choose to support him because he won back Riverrun from the Lannisters, either. I would have chosen to support him all the same, even if he was no more than some Northerners' son, and not my nephew. Your Father, I have to admit, was not the King I envisioned sitting on the Iron Throne." Edmure tells me and I start laughing.

"Not many people did." I say, making both him and Catelyn laugh." I am aware of that and so is he. The North and The Riverlands were not fighting for a Baratheon King when this war started. They are not fighting for a Baratheon King now. They are fighting for a Stark King that will be. Making such a pact, entering such an alliance was the only option in which both sides had a stronger chance of victory."

"The notion that we believe in a good outcome does not mean that a good outcome we will have." Edmure tells us. He may be speaking to the both of us, but he is looking directly at me. As soon as he takes a step, it is immediately followed with him taking two steps back. The man is a mystery. His actions show that he stands behind his nephew; yet, his words tell a different story.

"We know that, Edmure." Catelyn says. The tone of her voice surprises me; not once did I hear her raise her voice, not until now. She was hardly yelling at her brother, but only a fool could not notice the authority in which she spoke. While he may be Lord of the Riverlands, he is still her younger brother." Both Robb and King Stannis know it as well. They are not fools, Edmure."

"Fools? No. Underestimating the power of the Lannisters? Without a doubt. Anything north from Dragonstone is less than protected." He tells her.

"If you do not mind me interrupting, I find that you are responsible for that as well, are you not? As far as my understanding goes, you reassured Robb repeatedly that you would protect the Riverlands, did you not? There is a reason as to why you are here, and why only half of your men are fighting this war with them. The Riverlands and the Stormlands, are, in a way, the first line of defense that the North has. Was that not the message you have received? Robb informed me that you did?" I ask.

Playing fool is not something most men would fall for. Father would not, and I am positive Robb would not fall for it either. Edmure has.

"Riverlands are not North's shield." He tells me.

"I did not say they were. I said "first line of defense". Lord Edmure, there is a big difference." I say.

"Sophia, the way things are looking now, there is not." He tells me.

"Your Grace." Catelyn snaps. "Your Grace or Queen Sophia. If she calls you by your title, I would say she deserves the same respect, does she not?"  
"My apologies, Your Grace." Edmure tells me, giving his sister a pointed look.

"No need for apologies, Lord Edmure."

"What worries me the most is who will protect the North if they do not succeed?" He asks.

"You will protect your land. If North is in danger, that would imply that you have either failed, or decided to betray us. In both cases, we will defend the North. We and all the men we have with us. We will either win or we will die. Father and Robb will either win or die. You will either win or die. There is no third option in the times of war. I promised both King Stannis and King Robb that I shall follow their command and that I will either win or die. You promised King Robb that you will either win or die. If you are having second thoughts of that promise, I would ask you to say it directly to me, as your Queen. I may not be insulted if you call me by my birth name, Lord Edmure. I may give you more respect than you give me. I may very well be kind, thankful for all of your support, thankful for the temporary shelter you have provided for me and my sister, humble in your presence, but do not be mistaken. I am your Queen. I am your Queen from the day I married King Robb. Possible betrayal of my husband and my father, both of whom are my Kings, I shall not take lightly. Thankful as I may be, I will act accordingly. Do not underestimate me, Lord Edmure. If the Lannisters defeat my two Kings, I can assure you that I will defend the North until my dying breath, whether I do that by giving commands, or by grabbing a sword and going into the battle myself. I bid you both a good night and I thank you for listening." I say.

I may have been surprisingly calm, but I marched out of that hall as fast as I could.

One could only take so much. His questions I understood, as I have been asking them myself. His doubt I could understand as well. His unhidden fear of what might happen to his bloody behind if Robb dies was what angered me. He did not make a drunken, stupid promise. He swore allegiance. He knelt in front of Robb and promised him that if need be, he would die in his name. Only to show cowardice at the first signs of possible danger. No, not even of possible danger, of theoretical danger, of danger that might not even come into light! He is, without a doubt, the biggest coward of all the Lords I have met in my short life. A foolish coward on who we have to depend on.

Cowards are the most dangerous of all people. They would betray their own kin, if need be.

"Sophia!" Catelyn yells after me, and I stop marching, not wanting to make her run my way." I apologize in my brother's stead. He may be a fool, but he has a good heart." She assures me.

"Please, do not apologize. None of this is your fault." I tell her, shaking my head." He has his doubts. That does not mean he is a traitor. I will not make decisions based on one foolish comment." I tell her.

"He would never betray Robb, I swear to you." She tells me.

"Robb thinks the same way. I trust his judgment. Just as I trust yours. However, I do feel a sense of relief when I remind myself that we shall depart Riverrun tomorrow morning." I smile.

"I would be a fool not to admit I share your feelings." She tells me, followed by a sad laugh." Who would have thought I would ever look forward to leaving my home?"

"It is not that difficult to imagine, given you might have something better to look forward to."  
"True." She agrees." I hope the sleepless nights might end once we reach Winterfell."

"I share your feelings." I tell her as we start walking again." I wrote to Robb today." I say.

"To remind him he has a wife or to share news with him?" She asks and I laugh.

"A bit of both, if I am being honest." I say and she smiles at me." I am not with child, I know that now." I tell her, the smile leaving my face as fast as it appeared." It was not something I looked forward to sharing with him. I had to do it; as bad as that may be, it would be far worse to have him hope as much as I did."

"There has to be a reason Gods did not grant you a child just yet." She tells me.

"Punishment?" I ask her. I was not going to believe in it, but I did ask her. What if it is true? What if the Gods have decided to punish us? The Old ones, in which Robb believes in, because we did not marry in front of a weirwood tree? Or the New Gods, the one Father had forsaken? Perhaps even R'hllor, knowing that I have no faith in him?

"No." Catelyn says, shaking her head." At least that is not the way I chose to look at it. If you are going to believe in anything, chose to believe in the fact that the time might not be right. Perhaps, when all of this is over, the two of you can have your family in peace. Perhaps the Gods chose for you to have a child in a time of safety, not a time of war." She tells me.

"Even if I do chose to believe in that, that might not be the truth." I tell her. It is nothing more than a guess. A possible guess, but a guess nonetheless.

"Perhaps you are right, and that is not the truth. Still I believe it will be a lot easier on you if you chose to believe in that, rather than in the fact that you and my son might be cursed."

"Well said." I say and she laughs.

"I will leave you now, Sophia. I need my rest, as do you." She tells me with a nod.

"Have a good night." I tell her, nodding as well, before I watch her walk away.

As I walk towards the chambers I am sharing with SHireen, I cannot help but think about the one option, one possibility, one fear I had not shared with Catelyn.

What if I cannot have children at all?

The maester did what he had to do, but maesters can be wrong. I have been a witness of a maester reassuring my mother that this time; she would be able to have a strong and healthy child. I have also been a witness of that not happening. Of all those times, only Shireen was a blessing. Maesters can be wrong, and if anyone knows that, it is the family of Stannis Baratheon.

What if they were wrong, once again, all of those who reassured both me and Father that I am more than capable of having strong and healthy children? What if that is the problem?

Robb married me for an alliance, not out of love. The key to this alliance might be a child I cannot have.

If that is the truth, it will all fall apart.

Just as I thought I have had enough of feeling fear and fright, this thought enters my brain. I can only hope that it is not here to stay.


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey guys, I'm back! It's been a while, I think almost a month. There's been a lot going on with New Year's and my Christmas (I'm Orthodox, we celebrate Christmas on 7** **th** **of January), so there's been a lot of drinking and family time and of course, work. But I did not stop writing, so here you go. I'll update soon again (few days). As always, let me know what you think, your reviews always make me smile and I thank you for them. Enjoy! :)**

I was promised, both by my husband and by his mother, that the North will not be as cold as I imagined it to be. In their defense, I have imagined ice, snow, everything frozen and dead. It was difficult not to, with all the stories I have heard over the years and with the influence of my father, who was never quite the Northern fan. It is ironic how he ended up marrying his daughter there. In the defense of Robb and Lady Catelyn, so far, North is definitely not as cold as I imagined it to be.

Sadly, it is not that far from it either.

To make matters worse, we are not even close to Winterfell. And the more we travel, the colder it gets.

I use on myself the same words I use on Shireen. It will all be over soon. We will be there before we know it. And once we do get there, we will never have to leave the warmth and comfort of another castle again, not anytime soon. At this point, I am not even certain if I believe in it or not.

I pull the fur closer to my body, as if that would protect me from the wind. It does not. Still, I wrap myself in it even more leaving only the top of my head out of the warmth. How much time had passed since the First Men settled this area? And in all that time, not one person thought of some sort of head cover, other than a hood? "Wearing a hat does not suit a Queen", they said. I shall change that.

Making our journey even longer did not help my already ill mood. But that was a decision that needed to be made and I am the one who made it. I stand behind it, even if I do not like it. We took the road Robb did not have time to take when he was making his way to rescue his Father. Eddard Stark was alive and imprisoned at the time, and Robb did all he could to get to him as fast as he could. He made pacts he did not end up respecting. Not to mention that he did not get to Lord Eddard Stark in time.

Crossing the Twins would be a move I was not prepared to take. Knowing what I know about Lord Walder Frey, he would not let us pass, not before greeting us. Putting myself in front of him would be like spitting into his face, and we already spat at him once. Seeing me in a position that one of his daughters should have had would be too big of a risk. Unfortunately, that meant that we would have to take the long way round, very literally. We avoided The Twins and Lord Frey. Even now, being on the Northern territory, I do not feel at ease. I keep waiting on someone to creep up behind me and stab me in the chest, to punish Robb and my Father for breaking oaths and starting this war in the first place.

It is not the feeling a wish to carry around with me and yet, I must. I have no real choice.

"Your Grace." I hear a voice behind me and I turn, already expecting that dagger to be showed directly through my heart. It was uncalled for; one of our own people was approaching me." The horses are rested, Your Grace. If you wish, we could start preparing for the continuation of our journey." He says.

"How long before we leave?"

"Not long, Your Grace, just say the word." He tells me.

"Thank you." I tell him with a nod. We are still days, perhaps even weeks, away from Winterfell. I refuse to drop my guard just yet. I doubt I will be capable of dropping it even within the walls of Winterfell.

"Your Grace." I hear another one call. Strangely enough, I am not used to my title, not even now. I still expect Father or Robb to turn around and respond, but now it is me they are calling for." A raven arrived, Your Grace. It only has your birth name on it, we imagine it is to you." A soldier tells me.

"Thank you." I say, practically pulling out the letter out of his hands. I walk away and as I do, I am ripping the letter open. I do not recognize the writing in which my name is written, but as soon as I realize that, I remember that the writing I was hoping for would not seem familiar to me in any way.

My eyes jump to the final word of the long letter and my heart drops with relief. It really is from him.

I walk to the side of the road, wanting at least some privacy to read this. I lean on a tree as my eyes fly through the lines written in surprisingly clear handwriting.

 _Sophia,_

 _I was beginning to worry._

 _I expected your letter to reach me sooner, but I understand why it did not._

 _I was well aware that if you had faced some misfortune along your way, we would have known about it. Even so, that was not enough to put me at ease. Reading your words finally did that._

 _I am glad to hear that you have had a pleasant journey so far. Well, as pleasant as it can get in that carriage you so carefully described. Worry not; it was all too easy for me to feel the irony your words have tried to muster. I am beginning to think I might know you better than I have imagined._

 _I know my words will not give you much comfort, but you shall be in Winterfell soon enough and you will be able to enjoy all of its comforts. Biased as I may be, you will see that Winterfell indeed has plenty of comforts to offer. Although I believe a warm bed might be enough for you at this point._

 _What I have asked of you regarding our ruling in Winterfell might not be such a pleasant task, but I feel the need to remind you that Winterfell is not only your duty, or mine, for that matter. It is my home. And soon enough, it will be yours as well. I hope you will see it that way, if not from the moment you pass the gates, then soon._

 _Now, I believe I owe you an insight into the utter mess you have left here. I am not as good at irony as you are, I am afraid._

 _For the most part, it was uneventful, and if I dare say, surprisingly boring. Dining with your Lord Father every single night while making war plans had left me with a strong desire to claw my eyes out with a fork. I do not wish to insult you with disrespecting your Father, but you have lived with the man; even you must see how incredibly dull and strict he is. I wish I had known that you and perhaps your sister were the only joyous things in Dragonstone; I would have kept you by my side longer._

 _Fortunately, since I have received your letter, everything is far more eventful. I have news to share._

 _We, or I, have received a letter from the Vale. It would appear that in all the chaos your Father caused when attacking King's Landing, my sister had fled the capital._

 _At first, I thought, it was impossible. Time has passed since your Father attacked King's Landing; surely, we would have received the word of Sansa's dissapreance. Now I see how stupid I was, even for that one brief moment. Of course we never would have heard of it; that would make the Lannisters lose the only thing they have against us. Against me, to be more specific. And since our marriage alliance, your Father as well. Sansa was the only leverage they could not afford to lose._

 _Yet they have. It is her handwriting. The words I read were her words, she mentioned things no one other than myself and my siblings could know. She is safe, at the Vale, with Littlefinger Baelish and my aunt Lysa. They want to return her home, to her family._

 _I have seen my Aunt Lysa once, when I was still a child, and I have never laid eyes on Petyr Baelish in my life, but I am no fool. They would not simply hand her to me, and I have been warned not to trust Baelish, both by your Father and by my Mother, before you left._

 _I need to know what you think. I know you have spent some time in King's Landing, you must know something about the man, about his agenda. Even if you do not, I would still like to hear your opinion._

 _We will be leaving for the Vale soon; your Father, myself, and a big part of our army. Hopefully, we will send Sansa to join you and Mother._

 _They will not give her away for nothing, I know that. Some demands I will be happy to fulfill, and others… well, hopefully we will not have a battle before a real war._

 _I beg of you, do not say a word of this to my Mother. There is a reason I did not inform her of this. If we were to fail, which is a possibility, I could not live with knowing that I have built her hopes up only to crush them myself. If we succeed, she will know. I beg of you, tell her nothing._

 _We shall be leaving soon, hopefully not before you send me your response. A response I am in desperate need of. Still, take your time._

 _This all started with me trying to save my family. Now that I actually have a palpable chance to rescue my sister, my dear Sansa, there is nothing that will stop me. Even so, you and I have made a promise which I intend to keep. We are in this all together. Tell me what you think. Give me your opinion, advice, guide me, as best as you can, even from such a distance. I need it._

 _I wish it was only your humor I feel the lack of, Sophia. All those hours we spent discussing the situation we are in, I have gotten used to not being alone in all of this. And I do not mean only as a wife. I need a friend, a companion. You played that part almost perfectly. That makes it all the more difficult._

 _To end this letter, I have made you a promise, which you keep reminding me of, every opportunity you have. Even without your fairly subtle reminders, I intend to keep that promise. I am happy to remind you of it. It matters not that you are not with child, not to me. It may matter to everyone else, but it does not matter to me, and I can assure you, it changes nothing. We will have our family. We will have a son. We will raise him together, to be a good man first, and then a good ruler. As soon as we accept that, we might just be on the right track, you and I. A son, not an heir. A family, not rulers. We shall have that. I promise. And I will keep on promising, for as long as you want me to._

 _Write me as soon as you can,_

 _Robb_

The first time, I read it as fast as I can. I rush over his words, trying to take the important information in.

I breathe a sigh of relief and stop. I stop for a moment, letting my hand down and trying to calm myself. He is alright. My father is alright. And the entire situation has improved.

Realizing what I had just read, I start reading again, frantically. I stop after the first line. I have to focus on his words. So I try again, one more time, with clarity and attention.

Sansa Stark is alright. Perhaps not alright, but as well as she could be. Being with her aunt must be better than being kept as a Lannister hostage.

Littlefinger. I could not agree more with Father; he is not someone who should be trusted. Robb knows it, I know he does, he said it himself. Still, it is impossible not to be frightened of the possibility of his emotions affecting his decisions. He would want to save Sansa at all costs, and I am certain Littlefinger is well aware of that. Without a doubt, he plans to use it to his advantage.

I need to write back at once. And the letter needs to reach him as soon as possible.

I run towards our carriage. Catelyn and Shireen are nowhere to be seen, but I am glad for that; it would be difficult to pretend like I have no new crucial information. If Robb does not wish for me to inform his mother of Sansa's supposed escape, it would be next to impossible for me to act as if Robb's letter only had boring, everyday information. With her away from me, I did not have to pretend.

I frantically searched around the carriage, and once I finally found all that I was looking for, I started writing my response, using my leg to hold up the parchment.

 _Robb,_

 _Do not trust Littlefinger. Do not trust him._

 _I may not have had many chances to speak with him while I was in King's Landing, but I say this without a doubt, he should not be trusted. I have never been more serious in my entire life than I am now, writing this to you. He will destroy you if you give him the power to do so. This is not a council, Robb. I cannot even call it an advice. This is a plea. I beg of you, do not trust that man._

 _Make the deal. Do that. It should be done and I know you would never forgive yourself if you lose the chance to rescue your sister. Make a deal. Do not trust him. Do not make a quick decision. Consider every option and every possible outcome, especially the one in Littlefinger's favor._

 _Whatever you do, do not enter the castle. I might not have been a guest at the Vale, but I do know what Jon Arryn told me, when I was nothing more than a child. Entering the castle would bring both you and Father too close to danger, at least for my liking. Request to meet them on their land._

 _I shall not say a word of this to your Mother. This is the second time in our fairly short marriage that you have requested my silence on a sensitive matter. While I do not enjoy one second of this, I can assure you, I shall keep your secret. And I would kindly ask you to avoid having any more secrets or asking me to keep them from your mother. I shall be as good as dead when she finds out the truth._

 _Even more than before, I feel wrong. I cannot seem to find the appropriate words to actually describe it to you, but what I feel feels wrong. In my mind, I am fully aware that going to Winterfell was a good call. Not only for my safety, but for Winterfell as well. However, in the pit of my stomach, I feel as if it might have been a mistake. Letters cannot help our marriage. They cannot improve a situation that was already difficult enough to begin with. I wish I was with you at Dragonstone. Helping you with this and… well, getting to know you. And to keep you safe from Father. He truly is an utterly boring man. If it helps you in any way, I am with you in spirit. If all else fails, imagine what my ironic comment would be to any of Father's dull moments. However, do us both a favor and try not to laugh out loud._

 _I hope this letter reaches you in time. And I beg of you, write to me as soon as you can. I imagine plenty of restless nights ahead of me, and not because of the carriage. I worry. I doubt that that worry will leave me soon. Both of us our facing very difficult times ahead of us. It might pain me to not know if we will succeed, but I have hope. I have hope and I have worry. So please, try to sooth my worry, if only from a great distance, if only for a little while. Be careful. You know you promised._

 _Sophia_

I walk out of the carriage and grab the first person I see. The man snaps back and bows his head.

"Your Grace" he tells me and I fight back the urge to roll my eyes.

"I need this sent. It is incredibly urgent." I tell him in a strict tone. I also stare at him, directly in the eyes, in case he does not understand just how important this actually is." It is for the King and I need it delivered as soon as possible. I also need it to not be delivered directly to him, and not intercepted by anyone, let alone the enemy. Do you understand?" I ask him.

"Of course, Your Grace. I shall send it straight away." He tells me, as I hand him the letter I wrote.

"I will not hold you responsible if the letter does not arrive on time. There is hardly anything you can do about that. However, if the letter is intercepted by the enemy, I will remember that." I tell him.

"I assure you, Your Grace, the letter will not be intercepted." The man tells me. It is only then that I have realized that I was not exactly kind towards him. There is nothing wrong with being strict, but I have no particular reason to blame him before anything had ever happened.

"Thank you." I tell him, once again, looking him directly in the eyes. I am not sure if it is just my imagination or if I am right about this, but I believe he can tell. I believe that he can see that this is very urgent and important. And that I won't cut off his head if he doesn't run off to send it.

He does not run off, but he does walk away quite quickly.

I have done all that was in my power. What Robb asked of me, I did. At least from his letter. I may have many task and challenges awaiting me, but for now, there is nothing else for me to do.

I told him what I knew; I told him what I thought. I gave him advice, just like he asked me to. As if I was standing there, right by his side. And I will not say a word of this to Catelyn.

He sure is taking my silence for granted. From what I know about him, from what I realized in this short time that we have been married, he would not do so if he had a choice. And I understand his reasoning; that goes without saying. If I had to make such a decision, for Father's wellbeing, I would have asked him to not say a single word, with the same ease he asked me.

However, I am not sure if he had taken into consideration the fact that I already know of things that Catelyn does not. Not to mention that besides Shireen, she is the only person I can trust. Even more than that, she is the only person besides Shireen that I actually know, and I do not even know her that well. And I can hardly share this burden with my little sister.

He had no choice; I must remind myself of that. If he did, he would not let it all fall on my shoulders. Out of the two of us, he is the one with a more difficult task in front of him. That is one more thing I must remind myself of, before feeling anger towards him.

Soon enough, there will be nothing more to hide. He will either succeed in getting back Sansa, or he will fail. And I will either look forward to seeing her with Catelyn, or I will morn her with my mother by marriage. As for the other secret, well, I am not yet sure just how I plan on handling that.

For all I know, she might even hate me for it. But I shall worry about that bridge when I reach it.

"Sophia!" I hear Shireen call me and I smile before turning around. She is walking towards me, hand in hand with a smiling Catelyn. Catelyn really does enjoy her company. Thinking of our journey, she seems to enjoy my company as well. I cannot help but wonder if we remind her of her daughters. We may be the same as they are, or complete opposites; I cannot know. But Catelyn is a true mother, with care and kindness in her bones. A mother who had lost her daughters. Temporarily or for good, it matters not.

"Did you enjoy your walk?" I ask.

"Yes." Shireen tells me before hugging me, making Catelyn smile at the two of us and our embrace.

"We walked through the woods for a little while." Catelyn tells me." Are we leaving?" She asks me.  
"We should, as far as I know." I say and Catelyn laughs.

"As far as you know? Sophia, dear Sophia, it seems to me that you tend to forget that you are a Queen." She tells me. Her looks is a mixture of compassion, kindness, worry and affection." We leave whenever you say we leave." She adds.

"Well, it may take a little time for everyone to get ready for departure." Shireen says, looking confused, as if she is trying to make that calculation." I suppose that a Queen should say she wants to leave a little while before she actually wants to leave."

"Oh, Gods." I say, shaking my head and smiling at my sister." Go on then, your Queen is telling you to get into the carriage, since we are about to depart." I say, ruffling her hair before she runs directly to the carriage in order to escape my attack. I smile back at Catelyn.

"You will make a great mother one day, Sophia." She tells me.

Must everything come down to the fact that I am not going to be a mother just yet?

"We shall see. Perhaps I will."


	21. Chapter 21

As we were passing through the North, I remembered Robb's words. We did spend much more time talking about war plans and strategies, but on some less serious occasions, he would tell me about the North, about Winterfell in particular. He would talk and I would listen, taking every word in, building up my expectations of the place that was meant to be my home. I knew even then that Robb must have been biased, but it is only now that I see just how biased he was.

I do not see it. I do not see the magic of the North, nor its appeal. I suppose it is alright, but Robb is a man who has a way with words; I expected much more than I was seeing now. It is just a place. A place like any other. The only difference was the light carpet of snow on the ground below us. Everything else was exactly the same as it was in Riverlands, or somewhere deep in the Stormlands. I cannot compare it to Dragonstone, as I would be the biased one in that case. Moat Cailin was the only place that peaked my interest, and we simply passed by it. My expectations were not met. I was disappointed.

I tried seeing it through Robb's eyes, only to realize that I should try seeing it through Catelyn's eyes. When she went north for the first time, she was married to a stranger, traveling without him and with a child in her arms. The only real difference is that I do not have a child and Robb is not waiting for me in Winterfell. I also believe that I know Robb better than she knew Lord Eddard. I dare not ask her about it; this is the first time she is returning home after she lost her husband. For all I know, she could be thinking about that as we travel; I do not dare ask her anything.

I received no new word from Robb. I almost wish he kept it from me. It would be easier to not have one more person to worry about. Now I can add Sansa to what seems to be a never ending list.

What about his other sister? And his two younger brothers? Where are they? Are they alive? Are they well? Even if they are, will we ever find them? And what about the one brother whose whereabouts we know of? How will I ever convince him to leave Castle Black? Even if by some miracle I manage to do that, what amount of hatred will Catelyn feel toward me?

I think of the piece of parchment that is safely hidden with some of my wardrobe; a parchment which makes Jon Snow Jon Stark. The direwolf sigil of House Stark making it legitimate.

Shireen! How could I forget about Shireen, even for one second? She's sleeping, her head on my legs. How she can manage to sleep in this bloody bouncing carriage, I cannot say. She looks as peaceful as ever. Her childish features are more prominent while she sleeps; now, she looks even younger.

I would do anything for her. I would never trust someone with her. I think that now, but in days or weeks, I will have to do just that. I will have to leave her with Catelyn. How sad it is, to know that I would trust a stranger compared to our own mother.

Gods, Robb should have married another. I am too weak for all of this.

"We are getting closer." Catelyn says. Her voice might have been low, because of Shireen, but I jump up. "How close are we?"  
"I believe we have one more night of travel. And that should be it." She tells me.  
"Good. I did not take long journeys into consideration when I agreed to the marriage I am in." I mumble, making Catelyn laugh.

"It will all be much easier when we get there. And of course, when Robb returns. But once we are in Winterfell, we will not go anywhere for a long time." She tells me. I give her a small smile, but offer no reply. Not only do I not know how am I going to leave without an explanation, or with a lie, but I also have no idea as to how I will ever gain her trust again. Again? I might not have it in the first place.

….

"We have arrived, Your Grace."

That was I heard. It was all I needed to hear.

Both Catelyn and Shireen beat me to it; I thought I would be the first one running out of the bloody carriage. But no, the two of them were out before I could even blink an eye.

Once I do step outside, for a little while, I am left speechless.

Thinking of Winterfell, I was not sure of what to imagine. Would it be a large, glorious castle? Or would it be like Dragonstone, simple, yet menacing? Perhaps, it would be like the one in King's Landing; as flamboyant and rich as the ones who live in it?

It fit none of those descriptions. In fact, the only thing that made it a castle was it's size.

It was a mistake, not to look at it while we were approaching it; from a distance, I might have been able to judge the size of it. Now, on the inside, I could only lift my head up and stare.

It was fairly simple. The only royal thing about it was the size; the height of the towers, the quality of the stones used in the walls, the massive courtyard we are in. other than that, it was fairly simple. And quite dark as well. I had no problems with the dark colors and a cloudy sky; I have gotten used to it by now.

The castle drew attention to itself. It is because of it that I failed to notice the people straight away.

There was a big number of people in the courtyard. Most of them went about with their business.

Smiles were rare, I could see that much.

We had no big greeting and that was good. I did not wish for one, and neither did Catelyn. Most of the people in front of us had not expected us to return, at the very least, not today. Slowly, one by one, their heads raised and they noticed us.

Some started crying. Some rushed to Catelyn to hold her hand. Some looked at me with doubt, wondering who I was.

It was then that I realized that I might have a situation on my hands. I never really asked Robb, nor Catelyn, if the people of Winterfell knew of Robb's Baratheon wife, Stannis's daughter, a new Queen.

My first reaction was to grab her by the hand and ask her, but she was otherwise engaged, crying as she spook to an older woman that was holding her hand.

I stared at the whole scene as if I was watching a play, with drunken actors recreating Westeros' history.

That was when one young girl approached me. She could not be older than me. She made her way to me and to my complete surprise, she bowed.

"Your Grace." She mumbles.

At a loss for words, I looked at Catelyn, hoping to get some advice, guidance, anything.

She simply smiled at me, tears in her eyes.

The girl's actions drew attention to me, and before I could even realize what they were doing, all of them turned to me. All, as one, turned to me and bowed.

I could not say a word. Not only could I not speak, but I also couldn't imagine what I was supposed to say. What does someone say in a situation like this? How does a Queen speak?

Can I speak as a Queen that I am?  
"Sophia." Catelyn smiles at me as Shireen walks over to my side, grabbing my hand." Our journey has been very tiring. There will be time for exploring afterwards. Both of us should get some rest."

"My lady, your chambers are ready for you." The woman that was still holding her hand tells her." Your Grace, where do you wish to stay?" She asks me, bowing her head.

Once again, I do not know what to say. They have a new Queen and she appears to me mute.

"Robb's chambers should suffice." Catelyn says instead of me. I hope she can read the gratitude in the look I give her. She follows the woman that spoke to us and I follow her, pulling Shireen by the hand.

….

Shireen was settled into Sansa's old chambers. I wanted her to stay with me, but she assured me that she is old and capable enough to spend a night on her own. Smiling, I had to give in.

There was a part of me that needed to be alone, and I did not realize that until the door closed behind me. For the first time in days, weeks, I was on my own.

I needed it so much, I started crying straight away.

It took me a while to compose myself, and once I finally did, I felt better than I felt in days.

That is something tears do; they bother you when they are present, but once they leave, they take all the tension away, and they leave you calmer than you were.

When they knocked on my door to bring me supper, I thanked them and said I was full. Whoever it was that knocked on the door, they informed me that they will leave the tray in front of the door, in case I was to change my mind. And when I opened the door, minutes later, sure enough, there was a tray of food on the ground. Dried meat, bread, wine, water and some vegetables.

I have never been a picky eater and I was starving, so I finished that tray of food before I knew it.

Feeling quite a bit better, being full, in a warm place and not in a carriage, I wondered what I should do next. I lit a fire and I ended up sitting by it for a while.

A part of me wanted to look around the chambers, to see what Robb kept here. Perhaps see who he was, before he became an army leader and later a King. A much bigger part of me wanted to respect his privacy. That was something he had to reveal for himself.

On the other hand, what is privacy in a marriage? I sacrificed it all for him. I left my family, I left my home, I said goodbye to my old life. I took his name, I took his House and I took his crown. I gave up on all that I was and I became a different person. What is me looking around his chambers, compared to that? It is nothing, absolutely nothing.

So, I looked around. Not too much, to be fair. Besides, I found nothing. Books that were on the shelf were just regular books; about history, mostly. I read them all, or I read their equivalent.

I wanted to write to him, but I could not, knowing that I need his response first. If we keep sending each other letters at the same time, some will go with no response and we would always be one step behind. I had to wait for his letter first, which was horrible, considering the information I was awaiting.

Sansa will either live and be safe with him, or we will all lose her for good.

If he was to write to me that he lost her, that he failed, how would he feel if the first letter he got after that had me complain on the carriage? Or the cold in the North. No, I could not write to him, not yet.

Not being able to write to him did not mean I did not want to do it too, because I did. I really did. I had to find middle ground. And I found it, in an old empty book with leather covers. He wrote nothing in it, and I took the liberty to use it for my own needs. I wrote to him, with no plans to ever send it, or ever let him see it. I wrote it like it was a journal, only my words were directed at him.

 _Robb,_

 _I am finally at Winterfell._

 _It seems to be a wonderful place, although I am yet to explore it. The only place I truly got to explore were your chambers, which Catelyn ordered to be prepared for my use._

 _I must say, for a young and energetic man, you truly are dull at times. I found no secret journals, no love letters to a handmaiden's daughter, no hidden bottle of wine. I mean it husband, are you that dull?_

 _I feel as if my mind is parting ways with me. I am writing this as if I was talking to you. What kind of a crazy wench did you marry?_

 _I do not think I will get any sleep tonight. Ever since your last letter, I had trouble sleeping. Knowing just how many people, you included, are in danger… it is a horrible feeling._

 _I am hoping for the best whilst preparing for the words, and I must say, the preparations are not going as well as I had hoped._

 _What do I say to Catelyn? What do I do, how do I help?_

 _What do I say to Jon, when the time comes? How do I convince a complete stranger to help me? How do I convince a complete stranger to turn back on his old life and embrace a new one? Any advice would be helpful, considering you did the same with me, with ease, if I do say so myself. Of course, I am asking an empty book and not you, so I suppose that will go unanswered._

 _I do not know how to act with the people of Winterfell._

 _I may have been raised as a Baratheon, a well-respected House, a ruling House, but I was never a Queen. I was never the ruler. When they bowed at me today, I was at a loss for words. I needed help. I needed someone to tell me what to do, or at the very least, hold my hand as I was trying to find my own way._

 _I had no one. And for the past few hours, I have been trying to shake away the feeling that that is how my life will be from now on. Hope or no hope, there is a risk of me loosing you. And Father._

 _If that was to happen, I would be on my own for good._

 _I do not believe I could manage it._

I drop the quill as soon as I feel tears slide down my cheeks. I thought they had their fill, but I was mistaken. Wiping them away furiously, I shake the book, making the ink dry faster; as soon as it was dry, I slam the book shut and I hide it away in one of the drawers of Robb's table. My table too, I suppose.

Slowly, I make my way to the bed and I hide under the furs, embracing the heat; I was not even aware of the fact that I was cold, not until I was under them.

In my mind, I thought that perhaps, the bed would remind me of Robb, since the chamber failed in doing so. I expected his smell to hit me. It did not.

It was just a bed.

Just a bed, in a chamber, in a simple castle.

Since I became one, I never truly felt like a Queen.

Especially not now.

 **Aaaaaaaaand I'm back! Guys, I don't even know where to begin! Too much work, too many stories for me to juggle. But again, she has returned and she does not plan on leaving!**

 **To be honest with you, I'm not sure when I'll have the next chapter ready. I have different stories to work on as well (Any Walking Dead or Vampire Diaries fans out here? If yes, do check out my stories. I humbly claim they're amazing xD ). Just because I can't give you an exact day, doesn't mean I won't write. I have to catch up on GOT, do a bit of research, re-watch a few episodes, but my guess is that in about a week, you'll have the next chapter. That's my guess.**

 **Now for my promise.**

 **It will get crazy.**

 **And with that promise, I leave you for now. Let me know what you think and once again, THANK YOU, THANK YOU & THANK YOU FOR STICKING AROUND! I LOVE YOU ALL! :)**


	22. Chapter 22

"Shireen!" I yell at my little sister." Get down here, this instant!" I yell, looking at her as she gets off of the ball of hay she was standing on. She runs toward me, smiling, even though she had to be fully aware of the fact that she was in trouble." What in the name of Gods were you doing to that poor boy?"

"Throwing snowballs at him." She tells me, smiling at me with that angelic smile of hers." I was aiming for his head, but I believe I have to practice more, as all of my successful attempts were an accident."

"How?" I ask, shaking my head. I kneel on the ground in front of her. I make a move with my hand, something I used to do quite often; I run my fingers through my hair, and I do that whenever I feel nervous, on edge. Lately, I was unable to do that, since I usually had my hair pulled back, often in a braid. Not being able to continue with my habit only made me more nervous. I had to take a deep breath to calm myself, knowing that Shireen should not be a victim." Tell me how. How do I keep you under control? How? I'm asking you, nicely. How do I keep you under control? Ever since we got here, you have been acting like an animal let out into the wild." I say, shaking my head at her.

I was a wild, energetic child. Ser Davos used to joke that I was so energetic; I bounced off the walls in Dragonstone. I had no problem with Shireen being that way. The problem was that Shireen was worse.

I cannot explain it, no matter how hard I tried. We have been here for eight days, by my count, and she was unstoppable, most of the time. I had never seen her run as much as she ran now; I had never seen her play with other children as much as she did now.

Of course, she had no children to play with, back at Dragonstone.

As I was scolding her, I realized that in her entire life, I must have been her only friend.

And that realization broke my heart.

"Sophia, please." She begs me, smiling, as if she already knew she would have it her way." I'm having fun! He is my friend! And in my defense, he threw snowballs at my head too, and he never misses." She adds. I could never do that when I was a child. Matthos and I used to throw wet sand at each other, shaped as snow balls, of course. The memory of my childhood was a painful sting, especially as I was watching Shireen going through the same thing. A sudden change, a friend, a bit of playful violence and constant danger that she remains unaware of. Her childhood was a perfect imitation of mine. The only difference was that she had me over her head, not Stannis and Selyse. She is one lucky girl.

"Alright, run along." I sigh, getting back on my feet." And do not aim at his head!" I yell after her as she ran away from me. I take a deep breath as I hear someone chuckle behind me.

"She is a handful, Your Grace." Ser Rodrick tells me, giving me a small, kind smile.

"That she is." I agree, smiling back at him." When I see her like this, I wonder if I acted the same way."  
"Did you?"

"In all honesty, Ser Rodrick, I believe I was worse." I say, making him laugh." I was being selfish when I said I wanted her with me. I needed my sister. And while I do believe Shireen needs her sister as well, I did not stop to consider that I will have to be her mother as well." I admit.

Selyse always was and always will be our mother, as poor as she was at the job. Nothing will ever change that. I am not trying to change that, I never would. Only, Selyse is not here. Shireen is a little girl and she does not have her mother with her. I am the one that needs to step in and play the part, and so far, I do not believe I am doing a good job.

"Your Grace, if Lady Catelyn could handle little Arya, I believe you can handle Princess Shireen." Ser Rodrick tells me.

"Ser Rodrick, I appreciate the reassurance, but I am afraid it does not do its purpose."

"You only need time, Your Grace. You need time to get used to everything." He tells me.

"And how much time does it take for a young woman to get used to being a Queen and a motherly figure?" I ask him, finishing my question with a smile, not wishing to sound rude.

"I am afraid I don't know about time, Your Grace. But I do know it takes plenty of practice." He says, smiling back at me. For the past few days, he and Catelyn were the only people keeping me sane. If it wasn't for the two of them, Gods only know what I would do.

"Let us get back to it, shall we?" I ask, and when he nods, the two of us continue our stroll around the castle grounds.

One of the tasks Robb handed me was to repair and rule Winterfell in his stead. I used to think that the ruling part was the more difficult task. Sadly, I was then met the ruins that the rebellion left behind.

The castle was far from ruined; most of the walls were still standing, strong as they ever were. The issue we had was with the towers. Two of them were completely taken down, leaving a pile of dust and bricks, which I ordered to been sorted, on the second day of my stay in Winterfell. Now, the bricks were neatly pilled against the wall, in the place in which the towers used to stand.

Two towers were completely driven to the ground, while three of them were barely standing. As soon as I laid eyes on them, I knew they needed to be repaired first, before we even get a chance to consider completely rebuilding the other two.

On the third day of my stay in Winterfell, the rebuild officially started. We spared as many men as we possibly could, with even Ser Rodrick helping on a few occasions.

I was the one who ordered them to work in turns. It happened just yesterday; Ser Rodrick and I went for a walk in the morning, as he wanted to account for the progress that had been made. Later on, I was in the courtyard, looking for Shireen, when I noticed that the same men were still working. I asked them, hoping that they had a long break, only to have them confirm that they had not stopped working.

I may not know how to be a Queen but I most definitely know what kind of a Queen I never wish to be.

As of now, we had 20 men working at the same time, while the other 20 rest, or go about their business; I do not know them, and it is their free time. If they wish to, they can use it to hunt, to play with their children, to do other work; it matters not. I did not want them working on those towers all day long.

Perhaps it was my foolish hope, but I believe that that kind of planning may pay off for all of us. Well rested, they can do more than they can do when tired. Or it truly is a foolish hope.

Once again, I confirmed I knew nothing about ruling and rebuilding castles, just as I knew nothing of war and battles; I thought that the task would come along much faster than it did; they had only finished one part of only one of the towers. I sigh, looking at the sight in front of me, as Ser Rodrick kept talking about the materials they used and how durable they are supposed to be. It meant nothing to me. For all I knew about building, they could put the bricks together with thick apple sauce.

"Ser Rodrick, I need you to be completely honest with me." I warn him, taking a deep breath." Do we have enough coin to finance this? I do not wish to have Robb win this war, and return home to deal with starving Kingdome."

I have an agreement with Catelyn. She will be the one in charge of the financing, as she helped Lord Eddard with it before. Slowly, she would teach me what I am to do. As soon as I feel comfortable enough to do so, I will take that it over. As of now, I can only guess how much coin we have. With Robb fighting a war in the South, I must control our spending.

I can only wonder what was going through his head when he told me to take care of Winterfell and rebuild it at the same time. How am I supposed to control something I do not know how to control?

"At this moment, we can." Ser Rodrick reassures me. I would lie if I would say I did not feel a weight as heavy as those bricks fall off my shoulders." Of course, we cannot predict how much the war will cost us. King Robb is fighting for a damaged Kingdome, Your Grace." He tells me.

That also happens to be something I did not yet consider. Winterfell is only one part, one territory. Even if we have enough coin to rebuild it, what shall happen to all the other castles damaged by war, damaged by both our side and the enemy? How are we supposed to handle that?

It was foolish to think that our troubles would be over along with the war. Collectively, we all bit off more than we can chew. We must be careful not to choke.

"You are saying that only time will tell how foolish we all were?" I ask.

"Now, Your Grace, I assure you I did not use those words." Ser Rodrick laughs, making me laugh as well.

"You are the rock Winterfell needed, Ser Rodrick." I tell him, shaking my head with a smile.

"You flatter me, Your Grace. Let us see if I can get this finished, then I will take credit."

"Alright, Ser Rodrick." I nod, smiling." Shall we continue?"

"Of course. Where to, Your Grace?" He asks.

"To the dungeons." I say. I had expected him to be surprised by my words. I was prepared for it.

"The dungeons?" He asks me and I nod my head." If I may ask, Your Grace, why?" he asks me.

"I wish to speak to Theon Greyjoy."

…

Ser Rodrick tried to stop me in every possible way.

He tried frightening me, telling me that Theon Greyjoy is a dangerous man. While I believe that to be true, I was not frightened. He tried to plead with me, saying it would bring me no good. He tried to be rational, reassuring me that it would simply be a waste of my time, no matter what I hoped to achieve.

None of it worked.

I knew that Catelyn too would have tried to stop me, which is why I chose not to inform her of my decision to visit the most hated prisoner of war within the walls of Winterfell.

If Robb would hear, I believe he would lock me up in the chambers, just to stop me from doing what I was about to do. But he is not here and I have no one here to stop me. Or, no one brave enough to have an argument with their Queen.

I have never been to a dungeon in my whole life, not a dungeon that was used at the time. While staying in King's Landing, I did see the dark tunnels of the Red Keep, but those I saw have not been used, not under Uncle Robert's ruling.

What I saw as a curious child could not prepare me to what I experienced here.

As soon as I walked down the stairs, the fowl stench hit me, and the only way I could hold back my sick was if I did not open my mouth at all. The place was dark, cold and wet; everything you imagine a dungeon to be.

The prisoners kept her were locked up long enough to be fairly week; if they weren't, I could only imagine what kind of greeting I would get. I could hear low groans and quiet cries. I walked by so quickly through the dark; I doubt that most of them even noticed me.

I had one goal in my mind and I did not stop until I was in front of the cell I was looking for; it was hidden deep, as far away from the outside light as possible. The little light it had was enough for me to see someone lying on the ground, but I could not say if he had his back turned or if he was facing me.

Luckily, the other prisoners were too far away to hear me speak; if they could hear me, I cannot say if I would be able to speak my mind as freely as I plan to.

"Theon Greyjoy." I say, keeping my voice flat and low, not wanting to draw any unwanted attention on me. The figure on the floor moved, ever so slightly." Theon Greyjoy." I repeat, my voice slightly louder.

"What?" He asks. He did not speak for a while, I could hear that much. It was either that, or he had spent days and nights screaming loudly. Either one of those options was very possible.

He was rude, but I was prepared for that. If I were in his state, I doubt I would be much kinder, no matter who I was speaking to.

Even if he could see my face, which I doubted, it would mean nothing to him. He has never laid eyes on me in his entire life. He would not know that I was the daughter of Stannis Baratheon, that I was his Queen, nor that I was married to the man he betrayed in such a horrible manner.

"Are you alright?" I ask.

That was not the question I had plan on asking. He was surprised as much as I was; I planned to be stern, strict and perhaps even ruthless. And here I am, asking him if he is alright.

"You must be fucking joking." He says, his voice sounding only slightly better than it did seconds ago.

"I am not. Are you alright?" I repeat my question.

"No, girl, I am not. What are you doing here? Are you fucking stupid?" he asks, and I could hear him move. I was not standing close to the bars, so when he managed to stand up, he was not close enough to do anything to me. Only now, I could see him. Not well, but good enough to judge that Shireen has more meat on her bones than he does. This was not the strong young man I heard of." I'm treated like an animal. No, I am not alright, you stupid girl."

"You are treated like the animal you acted like." I say, not liking the words he used." You betrayed your King. Most have their heads cut off for such an act."

"Oh, the same faith awaits me, I can assure you. Robb just likes to play for his food before he eats it."

"Or perhaps he wants you to feel the same pain he felt?" I ask. In what can only be described as utter lunacy, I take a step closer to the bars." The faith you speak of only awaits you because you caused it. Do not act as if you are innocent. Whatever punishment the King chooses for you will not be uncalled for."

"I did not kill his brothers. They are both alive!" He yells at me, surprising me.

"So is the wound in the King's back, from the knife you stabbed him with." I tell him, choosing not to fall back, not to be affected by his words." Killing them or not, you betrayed him and you know it, Theon Greyjoy. You do not me to tell you that. If I was you, I would shut my mouth and take my punishment."  
"You're not me." He tells me." Why are you here?" He asks and if the situation was less serious, I would laugh at the irony." Who are you? It matters not, leave!" He yells, and this time I actually laugh.  
"I can assure you, Theon Greyjoy, I am not some wench. If you knew who you were speaking to, you would choose your words more carefully. Luckily for me, I saw all I needed to see, and I no longer need the pleasure of your company. I bid you well." I say, turning around and walking away, without stopping or turning back. I could feel my heart racing, both from anger and the rush to get out of there as soon as I possibly could. This was one action I do not plan on repeating anytime soon.

"Your Grace, are you alright?" Ser Rodrick runs to me as soon as I walk out of the dungeouns.

"I am." I say, nodding my head." He did nothing. I am afraid he did use kind words, but it is nothing I cannot survive. How often are the prisoners feed?" I ask him, thinking back to the little I could see of Theon Greyjoy. I doubt they have the pleasure of eating well, but his appearance worried me.

"When needed, Your Grace." Ser Rodrick tells me.

"How often?" I repeat my question, sounding more serious now. I noticed him avoiding the answer.

"Once every few days, Your Grace." He tells me. I nod my head, trying to realize just how stupid my next move might be." They are usually given a piece of bread and water. Melted snow, to be precise." He tells me. I was expecting an answer like that, yet it still caught me off guard.

"They will receive a piece of bread and clean water every day from now on." I tell him.  
"Your Grace, they cannot." He tells me, shaking his head at me.  
"This is not up for debate, Ser Rodrick." I warn him." I do not know if Robb is familiar with the way his prisoners are being treated, but even if he was, he is not here. I am. He left Winterfell in my hands and I am telling you to order a piece of bread and clean, drinkable water to all of them. They may be traitors, Ser Rodrick but they are also human. Treating them as dogs would make us no better than them and that is not a reputation I wish for myself and my husband." I tell him. This is a decision I plan on holding onto. Even if I have to battle Catelyn for it. We are not treating humans worse than feral animals.

"As you wish, Your Grace." Ser Rodrick nods." The order will be given today."  
"Thank you, Ser Rodrick. If you'll excuse me, I believe I had enough for today." I tell him, only to be met with a reassuring nod. I nod back as I make my way back to the living quarters.

I wish I could get some rest, as I was still unable to sleep properly, but that would be wishful thinking; I still had plans to go through with Catelyn. To me, the day barely started.

I was making my way to Catelyn's chambers, where I spent most of my afternoons, working with her, when I hear someone calling me. I turn around to see a young servant running toward me.  
"Your Grace, this has arrived for you." He tells me, offering me a small piece of parchment. I could feel my heart picking up its pace. What he offered me was hardly a long, heartfelt letter.

"Thank you." I say, taking the parchment away from him.

I have been a Queen long enough to know that these small pieces of parchment only ever carry the most important of news, sent urgently.

I could feel it in my bones that this one was from Robb, I could feel it. The only question was whether or not the news were good or not.

My heart was beating so fast, I feared it would jump out of my chest. Taking a deep breath, I roll out the piece of parchment. It only had one line of handwriting on it.

 _Sophia, I have Sansa. She is safe. I will write soon. Robb_

 **I told you things were going to get crazy ;)**

 **After an almost filler chapter that was the one before, I decided to bring in a little bit of action.**

 **What do you think of Theon? Do you like that storyline? Where do you think it will lead?  
And what about Sansa? Sure, Robb has her now, but what shape will she be in? Will she ever make it back to Winterfell?  
And Arya, Bran and Rickon? **

**And Jon?  
And an heir yet to be produced?  
This story isn't going anywhere for a while! :)**

 **I hope you enjoyed the chapter, let me know what you think! Love you! :)**


	23. Chapter 23

I read his words, over and over again.

By the time I read it for at least ten times, a smile slowly started growing on my face. A smile that slowly, but surely, turned into a winning grin.  
"Catelyn!" I yell, not even considering my actions. I start running towards her chambers." Catelyn! Lady Catelyn!" I shout from the top of my lungs, lifting up my skirt as I ran, not wanting to fall on my face; that would slow me down, and I cannot be slowed down now." Catelyn!" I yell as I run up the stairs.

"Your Grace? Are you alright?" One servant asks me as I run past him.

"Perfect!" I smile at him." Catelyn!" I yell once again, finally making my way to the hallway I was looking for; for someone who has only been here for a few days, I really had a good sense of direction.

"Sophia, what is the matter?" Catelyn asks as she runs down the corridor from the other side." Are you alright? Did you receive word from Robb?" She asks, her eyes wide in fear. I start shaking my head.  
"You need to see this." I say, looking around for a place for the two of us to have a little privacy. Of course, we had her chambers. I grab her by the hand and I almost pull her after me, slamming the door behind us.

I wanted to find her as fast as I could, and now that I did, I did not know which words to use.

"Sophia, speak!" She orders me in a strict voice. I was taken aback, only to realize that my behavior would cause her worry. I take a deep breath, trying hard to hold back my smile.

"I think you should read your son's words." I say, offering her the parchment I still had in my hand. I nod my head, reassuring her, and she finally takes the parchment out of my hand.

I watch her face as she reads the words. Just like I did, she has to read them again. And again.

I was looking at her hands and I noticed them shaking. I look up and see her staring at me, tears in her eyes.

"Is it true?" She asks.

"Yes, it is." I nod my head.

She knows her son's handwriting. She knows he would never say it if it was not the truth. I hope she also knows that I would never be a part of such a lie. After all she did for me, I could never do that.

"Sansa is safe?" Catelyn asks, looking back at the letter again.

Catelyn is my husband's mother. My mother by marriage. My council and my mentor. Someone I admire and someone I leaned on ever since I took Robb's name. Now, the woman in front of me was nothing more than a mother. A mother who finally learned that her child was safe.

When she broke down in tears, I was there to hold her.

I never was one for comforting, but I did not have much choice. Besides, I owed her that much.

So, I held her as she cried. I nodded when she repeatedly asked me if her daughter was safe now. I did one more thing Robb has asked me to do; help his mother.

When he told me I would have to work with Catelyn, I did not imagine this. I thought he meant that we would have to work together on ruling Winterfell. Now I could understand what he meant. It is more than that, more than I could ever imagine. And this was my first proper task.

"Where was she?" Catelyn asked once she was finally able to speak again.  
"At the Veil, with your sister and Littlefinger." I say, noticing the worry on her face." Robb knew not to trust Littlefinger and I warned him of him. I have never met your sister before, but I believe Robb knew what he was entering. It matters not, not when we have her." I remind her. Who she was with changes nothing, not until we know what Littlefinger wanted in exchange. As of now, Robb is the only one who knows. Once I receive a proper letter from him, I might know as well. Only time will tell.

"How long have you known about this?" Catelyn asked. She was a smart woman; she knew I did not learn of this the way she did, from the little note Robb sent. I knew for a while and she knew it.  
"Since before we have arrived to Winterfell." I admit, knowing that the truth was my only option.

"And why have you not informed me of this?" She asks. Thankfully, there was not even a trace of anger or betrayal in her voice. I imagine she liked the relief and refused to focus on other emotions.

"Because Robb asked me not to." I say, choosing the truth once again." He explained and I understood his reasoning. He did not wish to give you hope, only to have it be destroyed when his plan did not follow through. We could not know how it would all end."

"He asked you not to say anything to me and you agreed without a second thought?" Catelyn asks. I look at her, trying to see if she finally chose to act on the feelings of betrayal and anger. If that is what she wishes to do, I will take it. I did do as he asked. I did keep it from her. If that makes her angry, than I shall take my anger. So I nod my head, and confirm." You say you do not know how to be a Queen, or how to be a wife. What you did now is proof that you are both, Sophia." She smiles at me." You not only stood beside your husband in his decision, but you thought like a Queen. I said it before and I will say it again, Sophia Stark. My son is a lucky, lucky man, to have you by his side. We are fortunate to have you. More than I could ever imagine. More than I could ever thank you for." She tells me, before breaking down in tears again. And once again, I hold her and I let her cry, knowing that there is no stronger pain than the pain of a mother who hurts for her child.

We will be better. It will all get better. With getting Sansa back, we are one step closer to it.

…..

"Your Grace, you need to keep a firmer grip." Ser Rodrick tells me.  
"How come no one mentioned this while I was at Dragonstone?" I mumble under my breath.  
"Possibly because you did not order them to be as strict as possible, Your Grace." Ser Rodrick suggested. I let my sword hand drop, leaning on the sword to support my weight as I struggle to catch my breath.  
"If I want my skills perfected, I need a skilled teacher, Ser Rodrick." I tell him." And you just so happen to be the same teacher my husband had. I'd say that was a fair recommendation, wouldn't you?"

"I wonder what my former student would say, knowing I was teaching his Queen how to swordfight."

"I would not worry about it, Ser Rodrick." I sigh, grabbing the sword with both of my hands, ready to continue my practice." For one, Robb is too far to know. And if he ever was to find out, I can assure you his anger would be directed towards me, and not you. You are simply carrying out orders; I am the one giving them." I tell him. I cannot say for certain that Robb would be angry with my decision, but I imagine it would not be something he would particularly enjoy. Luckily for me, he is not asked. He said it himself; he trusts me enough to rule in his stead. And here I am, ruling in his stead.

"Why do this, Your Grace? I do not understand." Ser Rodrick tells me.

"I made a promise to someone, Ser Rodrick. I said I would defend the North, whether it was by giving orders, or by grabbing a sword myself. I am just making sure I fulfill the promise I gave."

My promise to Lord Edmure was hardly an official oath. As harmless as it was, it was a matter of honor. And I, for one, tend to be proud of mine. I will stand by what I said. It was a matter of pride.

"Your Grace, I have known the King since he was a small boy, no taller than the sword you are holding. I am not sure this is something he would want for his Lady wife, for his Queen, whether it was a promise or not." He tells me. I like the man more with each passing day. He is not afraid to tell me what he thinks and he does it in the most elegant manner possible. No wonder Robb wanted to keep him in Winterfell, once he won it back from Theon Greyjoy. I wondered why he would not want one of his best warriors by his side. It all made perfect sense now. He wanted him with me, with his mother. He wanted him by our side, if the time comes for us to defend Winterfell.

"I never said the promise I made was to him!" I grunt, hitting the wooden dummy with my sword.

I had this idea in my mind for a while knew. I knew how to use a sword, and given the situation we are in, I wanted to perfect my skills, as much as possible, as soon as possible. What I did not expect, however, was to find my skills to be rusty. It has been a while since I last held a sword, and judging by the way Ser Rodrick was correcting me, I was not as good as I once thought I was.

Father once told me that there improvement is always possible, no matter how good you do or how satisfied you are. I held onto that as I charged on the wooden dummy, feeling my arms growing tired under the weight of the sword, with each hit I made.

It was not only a matter of pride, or honor. It was a matter of safety as well.

When I finally make my way to The Wall, I will most likely do it on my own. Saying it like that is not depicting the truth of it all; I will run for The Wall, not make my way toward it. I will, most likely, sneak out in the dead of night, leaving Catelyn and my sister worried sick. It will not be elegant, nor lady like, but it is something that I will have to do. I made my promise. And before I fulfill it, I must ensure that my chances of returning alive and well are higher than when I first promised Robb I would do it.

I did not stop with the sword. I grab a hold of a bow and arrow as well.

I was glad to find out that my skills with a bow were not as rusted as my sword skills were.

It made sense; after all, I practiced archery more often. When she would see me practicing with a bow and arrow, Mother would simply roll her eyes. When she would see me with a sword, she would cause a scene. Once, she yelled so loud, she even drew Father's attention.

Being more capable at archery will not stop me from my sword practice; if anything, it would only make me want to practice more; for what I will do, I need to have all the skills I could possibly have.

Unfortunately, my practice time was limited.

Catelyn knew nothing of this, and I wished to keep it that way, which was not something Ser Rodrick was happy about. Nonetheless, he helped me. In the early morning, or late at night, we would practice.

I was willing to ignore the pain until the sword became so heavy, until my hand let go of it on it's own accord. That was my sign to stop for today.

"You should have more faith in your Father and husband, Your Grace." Ser Rodrick tells me as the two of us make our way back to the living quarters of Winterfell." With the two of them in charge of our army, chances are that you will never have to test your skills at all."  
"I prefer to be safe, than to end up regretting it afterwards." I tell him. I wish I could explain just why I need to know it all, why I am pushing myself more than I would like to. If I was to tell him of my plan, which I have not yet perfected, I have no doubt that he would try to stop me.

And frankly, he would succeed.

So, I tell him nothing. I let him believe that this is nothing more than my worry, or lack of faith in my two Kings.

"Your Grace." A servant runs up to the two of us as we walk through the corridors." A man came earlier. He carried a parchment with the royal sigil. He tells us that King Robb sent him, and he wishes to speak with you." He tells me, and I could feel my heart beating faster." He is waiting for you in the hall."

"Thank you." I nod my head, watching him continue on his way." Ser Rodrick, if I may be excused."

"You want to see him alone, Your Grace?"

"I am afraid I will not have a brave knight by my side every time I have to greet someone, Ser Rodrick." I tell him with a smile." He has the sigil with him. Besides, I doubt your men would let him speak to me while armed, would they?"  
"No, they would not, Your Grace." He agrees with a small smile." I bid you good night."

I walk through the hallways, making my way to the largest hall the castle had to offer. Two soldiers open the hall doors to me, and I walk inside, but not before nodding my head at the two of them.

A young man, around my age, was standing in the middle of the hall, waiting. He turns around as I walk through the room; I stop in my tracks once he bows to me. I am not yet used to it; I wonder if there will ever come a day when I wouldn't flinch to such a sign of respect.

"Your Grace." He tells me. I walk past him and I sit down in the seat which the ruler of Winterfell occupies. This is only the second time I sat in it; the first time was when Catelyn insisted I should be present to Ser Rodrick's encouraging speech about defeating the enemy and fighting for what is ours.

I felt out of place, even though the seat was exactly where my place was. I am ruling Winterfell now.

"I have been told you carry word from the King?" I ask him.  
"Yes, Your Grace." He nods. His head was high, but he avoided looking at me directly. It was painful to watch him struggle in such a way; I wonder if that was what I looked like when looking at Father.

"Well, what did he say? Do speak? Who are you? Why send you, and not a raven?" I ask him.  
"The name is Gendry, Your Grace." He tells me." I am a blacksmith, from King's Landing. Flea Bottom."

"Flea Bottom?" I ask, remembering the part of King's Landing that is not as presentable as the Red Keep." You are a long way from home, Gendry."

"That is true, Your Grace. When your Lord husband was making his way to Dragonstone, I joined his cause. I was there at your wedding, Your Grace. He sent me here because he did not trust a raven to carry the message. And he said I am to be at your service." He tells me.

I look at him, confused. He seems capable enough; he looks as if he has muscle. And we already have numbers here at Winterfell. This sounded like something Robb would do, but he would give more detail, I knew that. He must have said something in the letter this boy carried.

"Well, in that case, I thank you, Gendry." I say, taking a deep breath." Go and get some rest. You have had a long journey. Take your time, recover from it. I will not need too much of your help just yet."

"Thank you, Your Grace." He tells me, finally looking me in the eye." The letter." He tells me, walking towards me and offering me the letter; I get out of my seat before he gets a chance to approach it. With the seat being higher than the others, it would appear as I was looking at him from above, watching him bowed and bent. I did not like that. I approach him, to make us on the same level.

"Thank you, Gendry. You may be excused." I tell him.

I wait for him to leave and for the doors to close behind him before furiously opening the letter.

 _Sophia,_

 _I apologize for not saying more before. I wanted to wait and send you a proper letter._

 _As I told you in the note that must have already reached you, we have Sansa now._

 _I have made a deal with Littlefinger. I have listened to you and I did not enter the Veil. They had to meet us half way, and when they did, we negotiated. It was much simpler than I thought. Littlefinger has a hold on my aunt, that is certain. I did not even see her. He did all of her work._

 _He did not want much, not more than I could give him. A land and a title. I will have to give a lot of those away once we win over Westeros, so I accepted. I do not like it, but compared to the loss of Sansa, it is nothing. I have never felt such relief than the one I felt when I saw her face after such a long time._

 _She is alright. Scared and worried, but she assures me that she was not hurt. Knowing Sansa, she would say that whether it was a lie or not. All that matters is that I have her now. I can finally be a brother again. I have missed that feeling, being away from my siblings for as long as I have._

 _I now understand even better why you did not want to let go of Shireen. And I am glad I helped you._

 _We are at Dragonstone now. I will make arrangements to have soldiers escort Sansa in safety to you and to my mother, but I shall not do that until I know it is safe for her to travel. I wrote to Mother as well. I hope she understands my decision and if she does not, I hope that you can make her see sense._

 _Your Father and I are working well together, I have to say. I keep your warning about Lady Melissandre in mind, but I believe her hold on your Father has loosened. It may just be my assumption, but I believe it has to do with you and Shireen leaving his side._

 _No Father is completely prepared for that, no matter how cold they may seem._

 _I am looking forward to hearing from you. You must be at Winterfell for a while now. What do you think of it? Is it better or worse than what your imagination created? What is your favorite place in it?_

 _I would tell you where to go, but I am selfish; I am keeping my favorite place to myself. I wish to share it with you and keep it for myself at the same time. The only solution I see is to show you that place myself, once I join you. That is something I would gladly do._

 _I hope Mother understood why you did not tell her a word about Sansa. I defended you, just in case._

 _I have to admit, I spend a lot of my thinking about you and what I asked you to do. Which is why I sent this letter on Gendry. I know you do not know who to trust, or who to ask for help, when it comes to your future journey to The Wall. I told him that he takes orders from you and only you, asking no questions._

 _It was horrible enough for me to ask of you to do that; I could never let you do it by yourself._

 _The amount of worry I feel for you does not ceases to surprise me. It is difficult to understand, let alone explain. Strangely enough, I know that you would understand it. I know it, because I feel the same worry coming from you, coming from the words you wrote me._

 _As strange as it is, I dare not question it. I hope you do not question it either._

 _You do not need me to tell you again that Dragonstone is lonely and cold now. The sound of Shireen's laughter, Mother's worried look, it is all missing from this place._

 _So are you._

 _Strangely enough, it is the sound of your voice I long for the most. Whether you are giving me advice, calling me a fool or simply joking. The sound of your voice would echo through the chambers we shared for only a little while. Now, I hear nothing more than silence and my own breath._

 _Stay safe, Sophia._

 _And let me know, how are you? It has been a while since your last letter._

 _Robb_

I fold the letter in my hands and I run. I do not stop running until I reach his chambers. There, I put away his letter in the same drawer I kept the book I was writing in, as if I was writing to him. I do not open that book now. I grab a new piece of parchment and I dip a quill in the ink as fast as I possibly could.

 _Robb,_

 _I am glad to know that you are well, as well as Sansa._

 _I have been worried. Sleep was not easy for me. Worry and guilt kept me up, as I felt bad for not saying any of it to your mother. You need not worry. She did not held it against me, when she found out that I knew of Sansa's location and you trying to reach her._

 _The relief all of as felt once your last note arrived was indescribable. I am glad to know she is well. We will patiently wait for her return. I promise you, I will do all I can to make her feel as if she never left._

 _I have been in Winterfell for a while now. I did not imagine too much of it, so I cannot say if it failed to live up to my expectations or not._

 _It is a nice place. The views are lovely, even though they are a little dark for my taste. Having spent most of my life in Dragonston, I was hoping I would live out my married life in a brighter place._

 _Still, I have to admit that Dragonstone lacks something Winterfell has. I cannot describe it. If I was to try, I think I would call it kindness. Do not roll your eyes, wondering how you could have married such a stupid girl; I know a castle does not have humanlike qualities. It is the people that are kind._

 _They accepted me well enough. At first, we all were confused, unsure on how to act. Your mother helped me a lot; both me and them. It is alright now. They are nice and respectful. And so am I to them._

 _We have started repairing castle walls a while ago, and we are yet to finish. The progress we have made is noticeable, but we still have a lot of work in front of us. I am afraid to say that Theon Greyjoy did not hold back when claiming Winterfell as his own territory._

 _I am yet to explore it all, and I have to admit, I felt anger when you decided not to share that hidden gem of a place with me. I was looking forward to some secret place only you knew about. Apparently, I have a husband who likes to play games with his spouse. I will wait for you to show that place to me._

 _Unless I discover it myself._

 _Or find an even better secret place of my own._

 _What I am about to say may seem ridiculous to you, but it is the impression I have._

 _You are missing here._

 _You, possibly even your siblings._

 _I hear people say that the energy and the life of Winterfell are not as bright as it used to be._

 _At first, I thought they wanted a celebratory feast. It did not take me long to realize I was mistaken._

 _There is something missing. Energy, laughter, the feeling of carelessness. I am not sure._

 _Although, I am happy to inform you that Shireen is improving the laugher part. She is in love with this place. Ever since we arrived, she has not stopped running, playing, laughing. As difficult as it is for me to keep her under control, it warms my heart to see her like that. And it pains me to remind myself that she was never like that back at Dragonstone. I should have made her happier sooner. Winterfell or not, I should have made it my mission to make her as happy as she is now. And I have failed in that._

 _I wish I could speak to you._

 _As much as you say you need my guidance or advice, I feel it as well. I needed you to tell me what to do, to help me, to guide me. I managed on my own and I shall do my best to keep it that way, but it is all the more difficult when I know that you would make it so much easier._

 _I suppose that what I am trying to turn into words is the feeling of you missing. Not from Winterfell, like I wrote earlier. I am the one missing you._

 _Which makes absolutely no sense. You are still very much my husband, but I never knew you well enough to miss you. This feeling I feel is not justified, yet I feel it all the same._

 _I am losing my mind._

 _I am losing my mind between trying to do what I promised you, fulfilling your expectations, as well as the ones of my father, of our people, of myself._

 _I am trying to keep hold of the person I was before I married you, before I became Queen. My name and my title may have changed, but I am still the same Sophia I was before. Or at least I hope I am._

 _I am losing that person. How did you do it?_

 _After dying to write to you, now that I am doing it, I do not know what else I can say._

 _I really wish you were here, Robb. Not just because I believe it would be easier with you by my side._

 _I just wish you were here._

 _Please, take care of yourself. Write me. Remember what you promised._

 _Sophia._

 **Well, I was feeling it. I wanted to give you one more chapter, to return the favor after being away for a while.**

 **Please, please, please, let me know what you think.**

 **I'll try to update soon.**


	24. Chapter 24

**Here's a new one guys.  
Expect another one in a few days :)  
LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK, I need some feedback. Pretty please? :)**

Ever since I was a child, I grew up with the feeling of pressure, following my every move. At first, it was a pressure of being a good daughter. Then it was the pressure of being a good princess. Now, the pressure multiplied, became larger and it had split in so many different direction.

I feel pressure because of Winterfell. I feel pressure of taking care of it, starting from everyday obligations right to the rebuilding of it's war harmed walls.

I feel pressure of keeping things under control until my husband returns and takes over.

I feel the pressure because he is away from me. I do not want to fail him, not in any way. I feel pressure to greet his sister properly, help her adjust after everything she had experienced lately. I feel the pressure because by the end of the week, I will leave Winterfell.

I will leave Winterfell, sneaking out in the dead of night. I will hide from Catelyn, from Ser Rodrick. I will run away, with only a blacksmith from Flea's Bottom by my side. I will leave my family, leave my sister, leave the land I now call mine.

I do not know how I will do it. I do not know whether or not I will succeed or not.

All I know is that I have a leather bag under my bed, containing food, extra clothing and an herbal concoction the Maestar said cures weak diseases.

Everything else is unknown to me. I have not even warned Gendry that he will be joining me!

It was not fair from Robb to ask me to do this. Not only do I have to lie to those closest to me, not only do I have to run away in the dead of night, but I am also seriously risking my life.

Not to mention that I am absolutely positive that Catelyn will not be happy if I return with company.

Two nights ago, as I spent hours being unable to sleep, I decided not to do as Robb said. I decided that he should do it on his own when he returns. This was not something I was meant to do, and moreover, this is not something I believe I can do well. My best effort does not seem to be enough to me.

Then I thought about the words he used. How he said he needed me to do this, how he said that he truly believes I could do it. How he said that he needs his brother.

My anger was settled with a very honest and blunt letter to him; one of those that I shall never send, but that will stay in that one book, as the written form of my thoughts. I am more than halfway through the book and I am positive that I would rather burn alive then to let Robb read it.

I was staring at one of those black pages, thinking of what to write.

 _Robb,_

 _I am still very angry. I suppose that you are a lucky man, given that you are away and that when we meet again, that anger will be long gone._

 _Sadly, it is not gone now. When I say I am angry, I truly mean it. I could yell and shout at you for hours. I could pull your hair and scratch my nails against your skin. Having written that, and seeing what those words look like in written form, I can assure you that it would not be connected to pleasure, whatsoever._

 _I am angry at you and I think that you are aware of that, even if you have never heard me say those words._

 _What you asked me to do… you overstepped a line. A line I was not even aware existed. Alas, you have crossed it and I am boiling with rage._

 _How? How do you expect me to do that?_

 _Have you even stopped to consider what it will look like, the morning after I leave? It will appear as if the Queen ran away with a blacksmith in the dead of night. Which is exactly what the Queen shall do, only for a much different reason._

 _How am I supposed to explain myself to Catelyn when I am not allowed to explain anything?_

 _I will hold this against you, Robb Stark, I promise you that. Even if you return and I give you 20 strong sons, I will hold this against you until my dying day._

 _You asked too much of me, and yet I am doing it._

 _I wish I loved you. If that was the case, I could blame love for everything. Now, I cannot._

I slam the book shut as soon as the ink is dry.

For a while, I sit in silence, wondering if it would be easier if I simply hung myself from the highest tower. Although it would probably save me a lot of trouble, the highest tower is currently being rebuilt and I sadly cannot hang myself from it. Perhaps when it is finished.

"Come in." I mumble in response to a knock on my door. I manage a small smile when I see Shireen on the other side, peaking her head through the door. "Bored from all the snow?" I smile at her.

"Not yet." She gives me a wide smile.

Seeing her like this makes me believe that perhaps, it was all worthwhile.

"Why stay inside then?" I ask, smiling as I lean my elbows on the wooden desk I considered my own by now. "Days ago, I could not have kept you inside, even if I locked you and chained you to the floor."

"Since when are you so dramatic?" She asks as she closes the door behind her.

"Since when are you so bold with your questions?" I ask, my eyebrows raised.

"Since you told me to never hesitate if I want to know something." She responds. I sigh, knowing that I do not have an appropriate response for this one. "Lady Sansa is almost here. I wanted to tell you that." She tells me. I knew that the moment was approaching and yet, I still managed to get surprised.

"Is she now? When?"

"Soon, very soon." Shireen tells me. "Shall we go out and wait for her? I saw Lady Catelyn already in the courtyard?" She asks. I sigh, knowing that Catelyn was passing the gates often these days. Only the day before, she spent hours outside, waiting for her daughter. I am not surprised she is out there now.

"No." I shake my head at my sister. "I do not know here and neither do you. This is her home and Lady Catelyn is her mother. They will need some time for themselves, I am certain."

"Would it not be rude, to ignore her arrival?" Shireen asks as she sits down on the edge of the bed.

"Perhaps." I agree, nodding my head. "But I would rather do that then impose my presence on her. I will wait for Lady Catelyn's blessing on this one. Besides, the girl is probably tired. The last thing she wants to do is meet the Queen." I sigh as I try to organize the books on the desk, one on top of the other.

"She might not wish to meet the Queen. What about her brother's wife?" Shireen asks me. I can only look in wonder. She sounds more like me with each passing day.

"She will meet both whenever she wishes." I say. It will take more than one comment from my baby sister to make me change my mind. "I will not push my company on her."

"If I were in her place, I would want company."

"Even from a stranger?"

"Being with a stranger is better than being alone." Shireen tells me, shrugging her shoulders. Once again, I feel guilt stabbing me in the gut.

I will not be turning my back only to Catelyn and Winterfell. I would turn my back on my sister as well.

I will have to leave her alone. As much as I do not wish to do that, the only other option is to bring her with me. And I do not want to take my little sister on a journey I might even not return from.

"Do you think you could ever be alone?" I ask, earning a confused look from her. I did not choose my words wisely and as young as she is, she noticed that. "Ever, in case you had to be?"

"I'm never going to be alone." She shakes her head at me, still looking confused. "I have you. You are my family."

It would not hurt as much as it did had I not been planning my betrayal for weeks now.

"In case I was not by your side, for whatever reason." I insist, knowing that I needed to hear those words come out of her mouth. Not only am I weak, but I am… well, cunning. I am pulling words out of my little sister's mouth, hoping they would make me sleep better at night, knowing what I am about to do.

When did I become this person?

"I could." Shireen nods her head, having thought about it for a moment. "I learned from you. I could be alone. But I do not want to be alone. And I never will."

I smile at her, biting my tongue as I remind myself that a journey to The Wall is no place for a child her age. Not to mention her frail health. It may have been many moons ago that she was last ill, but I remember it all too well, given that I was the one that watched over her as she slept. I am not going to make her go through that again, not by my hand.

Even if it means having to betray her.

I cannot say who she could inherit forgiveness from, but I do hope she has it.

"You are a strong one, pup." I sigh, smiling at my sister. "What?" I ask in confusion when she starts giggling; a real, honest giggle. Not a sound I heard often.

"You called me pup." She tells me, smiling at me. "You really are the Queen in the North."

She is right. I never heard that before, not before I arrived at Winterfell. Perhaps Catelyn used those words for Shireen, but I cannot remember. It is a Northern saying. Children are pups, as in the direwolf pups, from the Stark sigil. It would appear North got under my skin, without me noticing it.

"Laugh all you like." I smile, making her laugh even more. "I did not think before I spoke."

"Do you want to know what I think?" She asks me and I nod my head, knowing that she would share her opinion with me regardless. "I think you are in love."

"I beg your pardon?" I laugh.

"I think you are in love with your husband." She tells me, giving me a devilish grin. I give her a warning look as I stand up from behind the desk. "I think you love him. I think you pray for him, I think you want him to come back, that you dream of him every single night."

"Shireen…" I warn her, not liking her words, or the teasing tone she was using on me.

"I know you write him all the time." She adds as she jumps off the bed, noticing that I was slowly approaching her now, like a wolf its prey. "I miss you Robb. I wish you were here, Robb. How are you, my King? I love you so much…" she teases.

"That's it!" I snap and charge at her, as she runs away from my grasp. I chase her as she runs from me, laughter ringing against the stone walls. It takes me a while to actually grab a hold of her; she has gotten faster since the last time I tried to chase her down. She gives me a good run, but once I finally have my hands around her, I retaliate in the best way I know how. I tickle her.

"Stop! Please, stop!" She yells through laughter.

"Oh no, this is what you get for teasing me." I laugh as I keep on tickling her.

"Stop, I'm sorry, please!" She laughs and after a few more moments of torture, I let her go. It takes her a while to catch her breath and surprisingly enough, it takes me a moment too. With all the swordfight training I have been doing lately, I was positive that my physical condition was better. I did not expect to get winded after chasing a little girl for a little while.

"Lesson learned." I frown at her. She's still smiling up at me.

"Aye." She agrees and I bite my tongue, not wanting to point out how she is talking like a Northerner as well. "I still believe I am right. I apologized, but I still believe what I believe."

"Believe all you want pup, so long as you keep it to yourself. I do not want anyone else hearing you."

"What, saying that you are in love with your husband?" She asks me. "Sophia, I thought you were smart. That is what marriage is supposed to be like, is it not?" She asks.

"Yes, it is. But I do not want you shouting it about when it is not true." I explain.

"It will be."

"It might." I correct her. "Hopefully it will."

"It will." She nods. Gods be damned, I have never seen such resolve on her face. Is there anything stronger in this world than a child's belief in something?

Had she really learned all of this from me? Gods, what kind of child was I?

"I wish I could understand how…" I start, only to be interrupted by a horn. A horn from outside the walls. On any other day, I would have jumped in alert, in panic. Today, I knew what it was. "I believe Lady Sansa has arrived home."

…

Shireen might have been naughtier than usual, but she knew when she had to listen to me, and when she was allowed to cross boundaries. Today was not the day for crossing them. When I asked her to stay in the chambers she was using now, I knew she would listen to me.

Now, she was occupying Arya's old chambers, since I agreed with Catelyn to have Sansa's old chambers ready for her when she returns. And now that she is back, I can only imagine that the girl needs to be alone, to gather her thoughts and get used to Winterfell all over again.

I heard the cries and I heard the laughter, the sound of a mother and daughter reunited. I stood behind, not leaving my chambers, not even for supper. Most of the time, we dine in our individual chambers, given that there is only the three of us living here. Well, now there are four of us. Some changes might be necessary. That will be Sansa's decision. Not Catelyn's, not even mine.

A knock on my door made me put down my book.

"Come in." I call.

"Your Grace." Lana, one of the servants tells me with a bow. "Are you occupied?"

"No, Lana." I smile at the girl once she finally had the courage to look me in the eyes, and not stare down at the ground. "How may I help you?"

"Lady Sansa would like to talk to you. She was worried that you might be occupied."

I was not expecting that. I knew she would probably want to meet me, and soon, but I did not expect her to want that as fast as she did. It has only been a few hours since she has returned home.

"Of course." I say, realizing I was silent for a moment too long. "Yes, thank you. Thank you, Lana. Where does she want to see me?" I ask as I get up from my chair.

"I am here." I hear a voice and as Lana steps back, a new girl appears.

She is Catelyn's daughter, through and through. If I was ever to imagine a younger version of Catelyn, it would be this girl in front of me. Auburn hair, lighter than Robb's, and the same, piercing eyes. And a smile on her face.

"A Queen should not come to a Lady's call. It should be the other way around, Your Grace."

"Do not call me that, I beg of you." I say as I walk over toward her, just as Lana closed the door behind her as she left. "Not you. Not here. Sophia. I am Sophia." I say, stopping myself just in time, seconds before I said Sophia Baratheon. Old habits die hard.

"Sansa." She tells me with a small smile and a nod.

"Do come in." I say, moving out of her way. "Would you like me to ask them to bring something from the kitchen? I only have water and wine here."

"Wine will be good." She nods as she sits down on one of the chairs. As I pour wine for the both of us, I notice my hands shaking. I know it is stupid; she is younger than me, and after all, I am the Queen and she is the King's sister, but I was nervous in her presence.

Having a title cannot compare to experience. While I did not lead a perfect life, not by any means, I was luckier than most and I believe I was luckier than Sansa. I do not envy her, not one bit.

"How was your journey?" I ask as I put a cup in front of her and walk over to take a seat on the other side of the desk. "I considered greeting you along with Lady Catelyn. I decided not to, knowing you might want a quiet moment alone with your mother."

"Thank you for that." Sansa smiles at me. It is evident that the girl is nice and well educated; respectful and kind. The smile on her face, however, does not reach her eyes. As much as talking to someone might be helpful and healing to her, I do not want to push my presence on her. I am a complete stranger to her. As much as I want to know, I will not ask. "I traveled well, thank you."

"Good." I smile at her, hoping to put the both of us at ease. "Have you seen my Father, by chance? And how is Robb?" I ask.

"I have not seen your Father, no." She tells me, shaking her head. "Robb greeted me near the Vale and he sent me your way next day. He did tell me your father was doing well, in case you would ask."

"Thank you. We exchange written words, but somehow ravens are not fast enough." I sigh, twirling the goblet in my hands for a moment, making the wine move in circular motions, before I took a sip that was more like a good old chug, not fitting of a Queen.

"He told me about you." Sansa speaks up, earning a surprised look from me. She smiles when she sees my eyes go wide. "I was very surprised to hear he was married. When I left, we were both children. And now we were both married."

Yes, Robb to a woman he does not love and Sansa to Tyrion Lannister. Starks and their foolish luck.

"I am afraid you are both still children and so am I." I sigh, staring at my cup.

"You are wrong." Sansa says, causing me to look up at her. "We are not children. Not anymore. Not me, not Robb. I do not know you, but I can see that you are not a child either. We all had to grow up."

"Aye, but are we old enough?" I ask.

"He told me you were smart and well spoken." Sansa says, smiling at me.

"Oh, Gods, what else did he say?" I sigh, afraid of her possible answer.

"Not much, and that speaks volumes."

"What do you mean?" I ask her, confused.

"Robb talks a lot." Sansa says and I chuckle, knowing that was something I should have noticed. I did not, not until she said it. The man does not shut up. "That either meant he had nothing to say at all, or he had to say too much and was having difficulty organizing his thoughts."

"I am afraid he does not know me well enough." I say, directing my attention towards my wine.

"He might talk a lot, but he is smart." Sansa laughs and I have to join in. "I know this was a surprise for you both, but he can understand people. Robb knows people. He can take one look at someone and know if that person should be trusted or not."

Sansa might have been through a lot, but she idolizes her brother more than he should. As much as I would like to agree with her with all my heart, Robb has made some critical mistakes in the past. He has misjudged some situations, some people. And while that could happen to anyone, all of us even, that prevents me from idolizing him the way Sansa does. Robb is not a good judge of character at all times and Theon Greyjoy is the living proof of that.

"Perhaps you are too young to hear this, but my experience tells me woman are usually better when it comes to judging one's character."

"We are." Sansa agrees, to my surprise. "Cersei Lannister might be evil, but she is smart."

"Yes, she is." I agree, nodding my head. That woman was more a ruler than Uncle Robert ever was.

As someone who grew up with a strong Father and a fairly weak Mother, one would expect me to be quiet, almost silent, always following a man's lead, whether it was my Father or my husband.

I may follow their lead, but I am not silent. The only reason I am following is because both are smarter than me, both are better rulers. If I thought otherwise, I would not follow.

Leave it for the stronger ones. Until you have to clean up the crumbs after them.

Again, I feel the pain in my stomach as I think of what I am yet to do. Damn you, Robb Stark.

"I do not wish to impose." Sansa speaks up, making me forget about my worries, if only for a moment. "I just wished to meet my brother's wife."

"No, you are not imposing. You can stay. And if you need rest, we can talk tomorrow."

"I need rest." She nods as she gets up. I get up as well, ready to walk her out. "Oh, I forgot to give you this." She jumps up suddenly, taking something out of the pocket in her dress. "Robb wanted me to give this to you. It is from Dragonstone, he told me." She tells me. I offer my hand and a small sea shell falls into it.

It could not have been smaller. I should know; I used to collect them, ever since I was a child. It was something I did alone, before Ser Davos joined me, followed by Matthos. As soon as Shireen was old enough, I collected shells with her as well. I had a whole collection of them in my chambers. I never mentioned any of this to Robb, but he must have noticed the collection, or me gathering them.

"Thank you, Sansa."

"You're welcome." She smiles at me. "Have a good night."

"You as well." I say as she walks out of the chambers, closing the door behind her.

I walk over towards the desk and lean on it, still staring at the sea shell in my hand.

How does he notice it? How does he know things about me, without me saying it? And why can't I do the same? I know nothing about him. All I know is that he has a direwolf and that he loves another woman. That is where my knowledge ends.

And still, he keeps reading me like an open book, even if we are miles away.

Sadly, I am afraid it is going to take more than a simple sea shell to make me forgive him for making me do what I am about to do.


	25. Chapter 25

**I told you I'll have a new one ready soon!  
Let me know what you think! :)  
New one will be up in a few days! :)**

I have supper with Shireen, Catelyn and Sansa. I wish all three of them good night. I retreat to my chambers, where I check the bag I have hidden under the bed. I send the letter I wrote to Robb, I leave my letter for Catelyn and I go to Shireen's room, to tell her one story more. After that, I wait for the night to grow quiet, for everyone to fall asleep. Then, I leave.

I kept my letter to Robb short and very simple. After endless pages of words he received over the course of the last few weeks, I could not have made this shorter. I simply told him I am leaving and that I will write him as soon as I possibly can, possibly when I reach Castle Black. That is, if I reach Castle Black.

I made him promise me, once again, that he will stay safe. Unfortunately, I could not have made the same promise.

I send the letter and on my way back, I stop to Shireen's chambers. I open the door and there she is, ready for bed, smiling up at me.

"Did you use the medicine?" I ask as I close the door behind me.

"Not yet. I'll do it now."

"No, let me." I smile at her. I take one small, brown bottle from her bedside table as I sit on the edge of her bed. She lowers herself more and closes her eyes, as I apply the cream on her face, keeping my movements as gentle as possible.

The greyscale has not gotten worse in years now, but we still treat it in every way we possibly can. The skin on the left side of her face is dead and as tough as stone. It has not pained her, not ever, but I still barely touch her as I put the cream on it.

"Ready for a story?" I ask her as I wipe away the excess of the cream on the edge of my dress.

"Mermaids?" She asks me and I shrug. "How about something more… Northern?"

"I don't know any Northern stories, Shireen." I shake my head at her. "I can try and make something up, but it will probably not be any good." I shrug my shoulders.

"How about a story of a princess who marries a great Northern King?" She smiles up at me.

"And how about we stick with the mermaids?" I suggest, making her laugh. She moves to the side, making room for me, as I start one of the stories I often told her. I make an effort on changing it a little bit, telling it in a different way every single time, to keep it more interesting for her, but the main story always stays the same. A mermaid falls in love with a Prince she rescued from drowning. The girl was so in love, she gave up on her life and found a way to have legs and not a fish tail. The story ends with her marrying the Prince, and living a joyful, happy life. Without a tail.

"Why are you not asleep already?" I smile at my little sister.

"You look worried." She simply states.

"Do I not look worried at all times?"

"More worried than usual." She tells me, frowning at me.

Am I really going to be this stupid? Will I truly do this? Is it impossible for me to lie to this girl?

Yes, yes and absolutely yes.

"Shireen, what I tell you now must remain a secret." I warn her, watching her eyes go wider. "I will leave Winterfell tonight. No one knows, no one but you. I will be back very, very soon." I reassure her.

"But where are you going?" She asks me, sitting up. "Sophia, you are the Queen. You can't just leave."

"I have to." I shake my head. "It is not my choice and it is not my idea. Robb knows it all. He knows I am leaving and he knows I will come back. He instructed me to do so." I explain.

"But… where? And for how long?"

"I cannot say." I shake my head. "I only know the destination, not the journey. I will do my best to return as fast as I possibly can. I am going to find Robb's brother." I tell her.

"The one everyone thought was dead? Rickon? Brandon?" She asks me and I shake my head.

"No, I am afraid not. I am going to find Jon Snow. Robb's older brother."

"The bastard one?"

"Shireen." I warn her.

"I did not say it as an insult." She says, rolling her eyes at me. I was not expecting her to roll her eyes. Nor to be this mature. Perhaps telling her this was not a mistake after all. "Isn't he at Castle Black?"

"Yes, and that is exactly where I am going." I nod. "It will be safe. The North is the only safe territory in whole of Westeros. I will be back soon and in one piece. But I must talk to Robb's brother on his behalf. And Robb wants me to keep it a secret. Lady Catelyn knows nothing and she cannot find out where I went. I will leave her a letter, an explanation. Robb will explain it as well, he promised. But she should not know where I went before I return. Shireen, please, I need you to be silent about this."

"I will not say a word." She promises. A child she may be, but I trusted those words.

"Thank you. I will leave tonight. Hopefully, the journey will not be long." I tell her. I am more worried about the time it will take to make Jon join me. I am worried that will not be such an easy task.

"Can't I come with you?" Shireen asks.

"I am afraid not, pup. You know it as well. I will be safe and I am not going alone. You will stay here. Lady Catelyn and Sansa will look over you. And all three of you will watch over Winterfell while I am afraid. I need to do this. My husband needs me to do this for him." I sigh.

"Would Mother do anything like this for Father?" Shireen asks.

No matter what Father and Selyse do, no matter how they redeem themselves, I will never forgive them for making Shireen see what she saw. As young as she is, she knows their marriage is not a loving one. She knows the two of them do not care for each other. A child should have been shielded of that. Even I was more shielded than Shireen ever was, and she had me to stand before her and protect her view.

Not only did they ruin everything, but I could not repair it. It was beyond my help.

"I cannot say." I lie, knowing all too well that Mother would never do this. Nor would Father ask her too. "It matters not. This is my marriage, not theirs. My husband. I made a promise to him. I made a promise when I married him, that I will help if help is needed, that I will follow where he leads. I took his name, Shireen. And he needs my help."

"I hope King Robb knows he is a lucky man." Shireen sighs, almost making me laugh.

"Feel free to remind him of that." I joke, making her laugh. "I do not wish to leave you, you know that. I brought you here with me for a reason. But I will be back even before you have a chance to miss me."

"I doubt that." Shireen sighs. When did she become so blunt? "Promise me you will be safe."

"I promise." I lie, yet again, knowing that is something I could not guarantee.

"Will you stay until I fall asleep?" She asks me. I had many other things that needed to be done, but I could not say no to her. I nod and I put my arm around her shoulders.

I wait for her to fall asleep. Luckily for me, it does not take her long. When her eyes are closed and her breath calm, I slowly move away from her, careful not to wake her up. I cover her with furs before I walk out, careful not to look back as I closed the door, knowing I might be tempted to stay.

I do not have a choice. I will do what I have to do. At least now, she will know I did not abandon her.

I make my way back to the chambers, where I check my bag, wondering yet again if I have packed enough food for two grown people. I could not have packed more, even if I wanted to. Which only leaves me with the letter I need to write to Catelyn.

That is easier said than done. For a moment, I thought I could not do it at all.

 _Catelyn,  
I promise you, this is not something I wanted to do. _

_Believe me when I say it, I would have done it differently, if only I had a chance. I had to leave. I am very, very sorry for not warning you. I am sorry for leaving all the work to you._

 _I would have done it differently, but I am doing this for Robb. I am living you his letter as well. He asked me to do so, telling me that he will explain it all. I can only hope he will explain it better than I could._

 _I truly am sorry. Leaving Winterfell in secret almost feels as if I am fleeing, but I am not. I will be back, hopefully very soon. Bear in mind, I am doing this because Robb asked me to do so._

 _He even instructed me to take Gendry as my companion. I did not run. I would never do that. I am simply doing what my husband asked me to do._

 _I hope to return soon. And I hope you can forgive me for this._

 _I beg of you, take care of Shireen. The girl only ever had me, and now I left. Keep her safe until I return, I beg of you. And once again, please, forgive me._

 _Sophia._

I sigh as I fold the letter, putting the one Robb addressed to her directly under it. I did not read it; after all, it was addressed to his mother, even if it came as a part of my letter. He told me he explains it all. For all I know, he wrote to her about Jon, about what I am about to do. If he did so, I might actually forgive him for this. It is bad enough I am leaving. I cannot imagine trying to explain the situation to her as well.

I wait as I stare out of my window; I wait for all the lights to die down. And when they do, I change. A dress would not be a good choice. I put on breeches and a leather west over a simple shirt. Knowing that the journey will be a cold one, I put on the furs and with two bags over my shoulders, I walk out and I close the chamber doors behind me.

I have been planning this little escape of mine ever since I step foot in this place. By now, I know all the corridors and hallways like the back of my hand; I know which rooms are empty and which stair creeks when I step directly on it. I covered it all, in the hopes of leaving unnoticed.

As I made my way to one small, courtyard house, I realize I was lucky; it was not snowing. The snow on the ground was not high enough; if the weather stays the same, our journey might just be short.

I was lucky Gendry did not lock his door. I was also lucky he did not sleep with a sword in his hand. My luck ran out when I found out that he is not a strong sleeper.

"What in the name of…?!" He yells but I run towards him and I put my hand over his mouth before he wakes the whole castle up.

"Shut up!" I warn him, still not moving my hand away. "Can you stay silent?" I ask, and since he could only mumble over my hand, he nods his head. Slowly, afraid he might change his mind, I move my hand away. He does not yell. "I'm sorry, alright?" I snap, realizing I lost all of my queenly elegance in a matter of seconds. "I should have warned you before, but it is too late now. I need you to come with me."

"Where, Your Grace?" He asks me.

"I can't explain now. Just, follow me. And don't call me that." I add, frowning.

"Your Grace, I can't just leave in dead of night, not knowing where I am going." He tells me.

"Did my husband not tell you to follow my orders and my orders alone?" I ask.

"He did." Gendry nods, looking confused. "And I am not refusing your order. I simply wish to know where is it that I am following you, if you felt the need to sneak in in the dead of night." He adds.

The boy is smart. Courteous, yet blunt.

"I will explain in once we get going." I say, knowing I do not have time to explain it all at this time. "We need to leave Winterfell. We should be away for a few days, I believe. Perhaps more. I need your help with this. I will explain everything once Winterfell is a safe distance away. Now I need you to get dressed and wait for me outside. Can you do that?" I ask. He looks at me, frowning.

"Yes." He nods his head and I breathe out a sigh of relief.

"Good. Meet me outside as soon as you are dressed. I will be waiting. Dress in warm clothes. And this is yours to carry." I say as I put one of the bags on the edge of his bed. Without saying another word, I leave the house and make my way to the stables, careful to stay within the shadows.

For days now, I have been eyeing up the horses, asking Ser Rodrick about them, trying to find the two we could use for this journey. I knew where they were and I knew that they would probably stay calm.

Slowly, I lead them both out the stables, one rein in each hand. I was expecting them to turn on me and ruin my entire plan, but they did not. They were still calm as I returned to Gendry's little house. He was standing outside, waiting for me. I put a finger to my mouth as I hand him the rains over. Slowly, with each of us guiding a horse of our own, we make our way through the courtyard, staying close to the walls.

I knew we could not simply walk through the gate. Just as I knew that there is an opening in the wall that we will start rebuilding in a few days. The opening was not guarded, as Ser Rodrick reassured me that it was not needed. The opening was large enough for two horses and two people to pass.

I do not say a word to Gendry as we step outside the castle walls. I mount my horse and I watch as he does the same. Then, I gently urge my horse to start walking. Away from Winterfell.

…

To his credit, Gendry had patience. I did not say a single word for a long time. As soon as we were safely hidden in the woods, I told him to make a run for it. We needed to be quiet while we were near Winterfell, but now we needed to make the distance between us and the castle as great as possible.

Perhaps Catelyn only notices me missing and does not see the letter straight away. She might send a search party after me, and if that is the case, I need to be sure that her move would not be fruitful. Even with the letter, she might send someone after me.

Besides, the faster we go, the faster we will reach Castle Black.

I only hope Gendry is better at maps than I am.

If we were on a boat, I'd know what to do. Ser Davos told me how to know in which direction the ship is sailing, knowing the winds and currents. Here, I had nothing. I do not know how to follow moss.

We did not stop at dawn and we did not stop for a while after the sun was well up in the sky. It wasn't shining as brightly as I hoped it would, but it was still not snowing.

When I stop, Gendry follows my lead, just as he did since I woke him up.

"Your Grace, please, where are we going?" He asks me as I take a big chug of water.

"You might as well call me Sophia now." I say as I catch my breath. I felt as if I was running for hours, not riding a horse. I can only imagine how Nell, my horse, must be doing now. "I need to get to Castle Black." I say and I see Gendry's eyes widen. "I must speak to someone when I get there. And I cannot go on this journey alone. My husband knew that, and that is why he sent you with me. I am sorry for making you leave the way we did. We will be back at Winterfell soon enough." I reassure him.

"Why did we leave at night? We fled." He tells me. It does not sound right, but it is true.

"I could not have people knowing where I was going. I could not have people knowing who I am going to speak to. As to why, I am afraid you will have to ask my husband." I sigh as I walk over to him and hand him the waterskin. "We should rest for a while, but I we cannot waist time. As soon as the horses rest, we continue. I am sorry, Gendry. I should have told you."

"I am confused, but I am not angry." He tells me as he gives back the waterskin. "King Robb told me to follow you, and that is what I am doing."

"Smart one, King Robb, isn't he?" I sigh, knowing that I would not be this annoyed with my husband had I been in the safety of a castle, and not in the woods, making my way towards Castle Black.

…

"Where could she go?" I ask, looking around the chambers, looking for anything.

"Whatever it is, Mother, I am sure she had a reason." Sansa tells me.

"Did she now?" I sigh.

"Yes, I am sure of it." Sansa tells me. "You know Sophia better than I do, Mother, and even I know she would not simply run away like that."

"You forget she did not want to marry your brother to begin with."

"But she did marry him." Sansa corrects me. "Robb spoke to me of her, Mother. His words were nothing but kind. He trusts her and so do I. She has been nothing but kind to me. She would never leave her sister. If she did decide to run away, she would not leave her sister behind."

That is true. Sophia did not show any attentions of doing what she did, but if she decided to run and leave for good, she would not leave Shireen behind. She worries about that child. The way she acts is almost as if she was the girl's mother. If she decided to flee, she would bring the child with her.

"Where could she have gone?" I ask, looking around the room. It was Sansa who noticed something first.

"Mother, look. It is addressed to you." She tells me, holding up a piece of paper. I grab it from her hand and I start to read Sophia's letter to me, rushing over the lines, having to remind myself to pay attention to what I am reading. By the time I finish reading, my hands are shaking.

"What is it?" Sansa asks. I grab the other letter addressed to me, sitting on the desk, written in Robb's handwriting.

 _Mother,_

 _Whatever anger you may feel now, do not blame Sophia for it. If you are going to blame anyone, blame me. What she did, she did for me. She did it following my orders._

 _I imagine that you are worried sick and for that, I apologize in her name as well. She wanted to tell you; it was me who refused, knowing you would try to find, and possibly succeed, in stopping her._

 _What she is doing is my call and my call alone._

 _She is going to Castle Back to speak to Jon. If all goes by plan, he will join you all in Winterfell._

 _You will know now why I did not inform you of this. I wish Sophia did not have to flee Winterfell in secret like this but you know now that it would be impossible to do it any other way. You would have tried to stop her and I could not have that._

 _The anger that you feel, direct it toward me and not my wife._

 _I need Jon by my side. I need my brother for this. And I know Sophia can help me get him back._

 _I apologize, Mother, but it needed to be done._

"Mother, what is it? Mother? Mother?"

"She went to Castle Black."

"To Castle Black?" Sansa asks in surprise. "Why would she go to Castle Black?"

"To speak to Jon Snow." I tell her, noticing her eyes widen. "It is all Robb. She did not leave on her own accord. He asked her to."

"Why? How? Why?" Sansa asks. She was confused, but I am not. I should have expected this. Robb wanted Jon by his side even before he made a deal with Stannis Baratheon.

I never would have imagined that he would use Sophia to help him with this.

"He either wants him here, at Winterfell or with him at the battlefield. I do not know which." I say.

"But that is good, is it not?" Sansa asks. I bite my tongue, not wanting to insult the boy in front of her. "Mother, enough. We have all been through too much. Father is dead and I saw it happen right in front of me." Sansa tells me. I knew she saw it, even if she never spoke of it. "We do not know where Arya is. Nor Bran, nor Rickon. For all we know, they are dead. Our family has been through enough already. I do not want us to fight when there is only a few of us left."

"Sansa, you cannot understand." I shake my head. "Jon is not my child."

"He might not have your blood, but he has Father's. He is not your child and that is not his fault. We need to grow past it, Mother. I understand it is difficult. It would be difficult for me as well. After everything all of us have been through, do you think that perhaps, all of us could simply be civil?"

She does not understand and hopefully, she never will.

"If anyone asks, Sophia is on a journey to Castle Black. We say the truth."

"Should we not keep it a secret?" Sansa asks.

"I would rather have Robb's own people knowing of his plan than thinking that his Queen ran away with a blacksmith. When she and Jon Snow knock on the gate, they will all know."

…

When I realized that Gendry was not a talkative man, I thought I was lucky. At least this way, I would not have to have meaningless conversations; the journey is long enough as it is.

It did not take me long to realize that perhaps I do need a talkative person with me. With all the silence, I had plenty of time to worry about things I did not want to worry about. Robb, Shireen, Catelyn… it was all something I was not ready to face.

"Why King Robb?" I ask, earning a surprised look from Gendry. We were quiet for a long time, as our horses slowly made the way through the woods. We were no longer running away from anything, so we could afford to travel slower than before. "You had four other Kings to choose from. Why Robb?"

"In all honesty, he was the first one to find me." Gendry admits, making me chuckle. "And I wanted to reach the North. It only made sense."

"Why North?" I ask. "Why not stay in King's Landing, since you were there to begin with?"

"You say that like you've never been there. And I know you have." Gendry tells me, frowning as he looks at the road in front of him. For all I know, he has even seen me there. Though I am afraid that my presence would not be as memorable.

"I am only familiar with the royal side of King's Landing." I sigh. "The Red Keep is the finest castle I have ever laid eyes on. Everything about it is fitting for a King, for a royal family. I remember how much I loved the sun too. Dragonstone may be beautiful, but it is as dark as the North, if not even darker. King's Landing was warm. Warm and beautiful, with the sun shining directly on the water, making you look away faster than you would like. Then, the warmth becomes too warm. Sewage, garbage and rotten food, it fills your nostrils. And you realize that King's Landing is nothing more but a pretty surface, hiding something vile and wrong."

"Have you ever been down to Flea's Bottom?" Gendry asks and I shake my head.

"I was never allowed, no."

"For good reason." He nods his head. "If you ever went down there, you'd know why I ran away."

"I understand." I say as he gives me a surprised look. "I understand why there must be a difference. I do not want to say the word class, but that is the only one that comes to mind. I understand why some people are rich and some are power. Why some rule lands and others hold no power. We have tried to do it in other ways, yet it never seemed to work. So, I suppose I understand. And I agree. What I do not agree with is the difference. There should not be such a… gaping hole between those who rule and those who simply live." I tell him. I never spoke about this to anyone. I cannot say why I felt the need to speak now. Perhaps the reason is the gaping whole between him, a blacksmith and me, a Queen.

"I never thought a day would come when I'd hear a Queen say that."

"I might be a Queen, Gendry, but I am afraid it is not as simple as that. I know hunger. I felt hunger. I was lucky enough not to grow up with it, not to feel it at all times, but feeling it once was enough. And once you know hunger, you see things differently."

The siege is not the time I wish to remember. Luckily for me, I was fairly young at the time, so there is not much to remember to begin with. I do remember the feeling of emptiness in my gut. Just as I remember that Father would give me his portion of food.

That does not simply go away. Those memories haunt us. They haunt us, and if we are incredibly lucky, they shape us as well. If there is any luck left, they shape us in a good way; form us into good human beings. I can only hope that I learned my lesson from that.

One thing is certain and that is that Ser Davos has my gratitude for as long as I live.


	26. Chapter 26

"I think I would kill for a small, roast chicken." Gendry said, surprising me by speaking up. We were silent for a while. Well, we are silent almost all the time. Of course, he does not speak and if he does speak, he speaks of food we do not have.

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but we only have dry beef and water." I say, not even realizing just how rude I sounded. Hunger and lack of sleep does not make me a desirable travel companion. I have to remind myself that if this is anyone's fault, it is not Gendry's. "If it makes you feel any better, I would kill for a nice piece of beef, with the side of roast potatoes." I add.

We traveled for four days and four nights. Well, days. We would sleep at night.

I insisted that we take turns while sleeping and Gendry did not protest. The North is probably the safest part of whole of Westeros and I am the Queen. We would not find any road bandits and robbers on this road, not the one that leads to The Wall. We were safe here, but I was not willing to take any chances. So, we slept in turns. I would sit by the fire as he slept, and he would do whatever he wanted to do while I slept. I do not know these woods, nor do I know the road, but based on the maps I studied, we should be at Castle Black soon enough. Or so I hope.

Robb was stupid to think I could do this. I was stupid to agree to even try.

At night, when I struggle to fall asleep, I wonder what is Winterfell like without me. I suppose that it is all the same. The only ones that are experiencing any kind of change are Catelyn and Shireen. I see now just how stupid it would have been of me to leave without saying goodbye to my sister. I never would have forgiven myself, even if she could.

I wonder if Robb is as worried about me as I am about him. Perhaps worry is reserved for women; only for wives and mothers.

Or, perhaps, he does not feel too comfortable with having his wife traveling with a man.

Oh, how I wish I did not doubt him. I have no right to do so, and yet here I am, doubting him. Talisa might be miles away from him, but I worry all the same.

It does not have to be Talisa, does it?

My Father was a faithful man, at least I believe so. Uncle Robert was not. Not even Eddard Stark, notorious for his loyalty, was loyal enough.

I wish I did not doubt Robb or his devotion, but I do. I do, and it keeps me up at night.

The biggest irony is that I should not be surprised. I knew men are often unfaithful. Ignoring marriage vows is not as unusual as it should be. I knew that. As soon as I realized I would have to marry for a pact, I realized I might have to face that as well. And I am not as comfortable with it as I thought I would be.

And I do not even love my husband. What would happen if I did?

"Do you think we are close, Your Grace?"

"Gendry, if you call me by my title one more time, I will hurt you." I sigh, closing my eyes. For days I have been telling him to call me by my birth name. I understand that was not something he was comfortable with, but days have passed and I am annoyed. It is time for him to change that.

"Alright. Sophia, do you think we're close?" He asks, sounding just as irritated as I did.

"I have no idea." I tell him. "Just as I do not know what in the name of Seven Hells was going on in Robb's head when he suggested this."

"He knew you were capable enough to do it?" Gendry suggests.

"No, he's stupid." I reply, rolling my eyes. "I feel honored to know that he believes I can do this, but it was stupid to begin with. He should have sent someone who actually knows the North. Or he should have offered me a travel companion that knows the North. This? This is plainly stupid and I am just as stupid as my husband is, for having agreed to do this." I say and to my surprise, Gendry starts laughing. "What?" I snap at him.

"You sound like an old married couple, that's all." Gendry tells me through laughter.

"Oh, my friend, we are everything but an old married couple." I sigh. "By now, I think I know you better than I know my husband. That is not the way it should be."

"So, you didn't marry him out of love?" Gendry asks and I start laughing.

"He is a King and I am a daughter of another King. The only reason we are married is so that the two of them could join forces and take over Westeros. Marriage is only part of an agreement. If you are a noble son or daughter, you'd better give up the idea of marrying someone out of love. Only if you are incredibly lucky, the two will collide."

"Would you rather have it differently?" Gendry asks, laughing at me. "Are you trying to tell me that you'd rather be… a seamstress than a Queen?"

"Do you think I wanted this?" I ask him in disbelief. "Gendry, I did not grow up as a Princess. My Father did not proclaim himself as the rightful King of Westeros when I was born; he did it very recently. I did not grow up like this. I was raised and trained to be a Lady, not a Queen. And the two are very, very different. I was never going to marry a King."

"Did you want to marry someone else?" Gendry asks.

"I was lucky. From all I've seen, Robb is a good man. I was lucky."

I could not tell him about Matthos, even if I wanted to. It was bad enough to say it to Robb. That is behind me; I closed that door and I have no intentions on opening it ever again. In fact, I believe Matthos closed that door long before I have. Even if it was still wide open, I am a married woman. Despite not knowing if my husband would do the same, I will be faithful to him until the end of my days.

"Hey, you wanted us to talk." Gendry complained. At least he did not call me by my title now.

"I am not angry at you for asking it." I say, shaking my head. "I simply have nothing else to say. Believe it or not, I did not have much say when it comes to my marriage, even before I was a Princess. The only thing I've ever been told is that King Robert wanted me to marry Willas Tyrell, to strengthen his alliance with House Tyrell, and that my Father strongly protested."

"Why? The Tyrell's are very rich. It would have been helpful. Perhaps he would win the war against King Robb as well, if he allied with them." Gendry suggests and I start laughing.

"Probably. And yes, they are very rich. You forget, however, that the Tyrells almost made my Father, our entire family and castle, starve to death. Uncle Robert was willing to turn his head to that, but Stannis Baratheon? No. All Seven Hells would freeze before he would hand over one of his daughters to the Tyrells." I chuckle. I cannot imagine the gravity of the situation that would make my Father offer me to the Tyrells. "It would have been the same to me. Perhaps even better, given that Highgarden is much warmer than this place. Margaery Tyrell would have been a better option for my husband as well, much better than I am. With her, he would not have to divide his Kingdome. Alas, the Tyrell's have already sided with Lannisters. Pity. Personally, I believe Margaery would have been a better Queen than I am. And a much better match for Robb."

"I might be overstepping a line here, but you're selling yourself short. Your Grace." Gendry adds, laughing at my expression. He is like an annoying little brother I never wanted.

"I am afraid King Robb had no choice."

"Choice or no choice, I think he knows he was lucky."

"We'll see just how lucky he is when I ask him a few questions about sending me on this foolish expedition."

"I take that back. He is a dead man walking." Gendry jokes and though I wanted to ignore his comment, I cannot hold back my laughter. "Men may fight wars but you women start them."

I wish I could defend my gender, but Gendry is right. We do start wars, whether we like that or not. Yes, not every war in history was started by the hands of a woman, but this one has. Had it not been for Robert's Rebellion, we would all still be living under the Targaryens. I would be a Baratheon, but my family name would not carry such a weight. Had it not been for a woman, I would have been the eldest daughter of a middle son of a great House, not the niece of a King and certainly not the daughter of a King. If it wasn't for a woman, I might not have even met Robb, let alone married him.

It was his Aunt's beauty that put us into this situation. Nothing more, nothing less. Lyanna was beautiful enough to make someone abduct her, and beautiful enough to make someone start a war to defend her. And this war is only one of many.

Of course, it is not all black and white. There was more behind it, behind the rebellion. But ultimately, it all falls down to Lyanna Stark, Robb's Aunt. All I know is that I believe I am lucky not to carry such a beauty, a beauty that would start wars and break oaths.

"You sound like you have experience. Where is your lucky lady?" I ask Gendry. For the first time, I notice reluctance on his face. My question made him uncomfortable and he couldn't even hide it. As bad as I felt about it, my curiosity only grew and I did not take the question back.

"As a poor blacksmith, I'm afraid I didn't have much of a chance to court a lucky lady." He tells me.

"Oh, please." I roll my eyes. "Granted, a Lord's daughter might be… unreachable, given your status, but I have no doubt that you could find a nice, normal girl. And if you do not have such luck… well, I would say it's a good thing you were once a Queen's travel companion. I'll give you a knighthood or something."

"I don't think you can just do that." Gendry tells me through laughter.

"Why not? I'm the Queen, aren't I?"

"You are, but I am not sure if that would be allowed." He tells me.

"Gendry… I don't know and I don't care. At least some good might come out of all this mess. Consider yourself knighted."

"I think you need to knight me with a sword. And I might have to kneel." He tells me, frowning, as if he was trying to remember what it looked like when someone was knighted.

"I'll let my husband deal with that. You will get a knighthood, I assure you."

"I'm not sure your husband will be willing to give me a knighthood just so I can marry."

"Well, I suppose you are a lucky man, Gendry. It just so happens that my husband owes me a favor or two." I smile. I could have sworn I heard him mutter "women" under his breath as he was laughing.

…

"When they built this Wall, couldn't they have built it a little closer to Winterfell?"

"Do I look like a builder to you?" I snap back at Gendry.

He makes it sound as if it is my fault the Wall is so far away from Winterfell. It is my fault that he is here, in a way. But I had absolutely no say in the location of the Wall, or in making it our destination.

It has been seven days since we snuck out and ran away. Seven days since I had a proper meal, a proper sleep and a bath of any kind.

While both Gendry and I were quite good at pretending that all is good, both of us were on edge now. Our patience was running low and at this point, I am afraid that we will actually start fighting unless we reach Castle Black, soon.

At least we are on the right track. Gendry was better at maps than I was, and he assured me, repeatedly, that we are on the right way. The only problem was that it's a very, very long way.

"Why are we even going there?" Gendry asks. "It's been 7 days, you should just tell me. Why are we going there and why are we going like this? Why couldn't you simply take a carriage and a small cavalry to follow you?"

I cannot say what made him have a change of heart, but I was no longer a Queen to him. At least not at all times. Once in a while, he would remember and call me Your Grace again, but for the most part, he was talking and cursing like a sailor in full liberty.

It was a nice change for me as well. It has been a while since someone acted normal around me. Unfortunately, this little bonding experience we shared had left the door open for him to ask me questions. And yes, those were questions he deserved to know the answers to, no matter how unwilling I am to give them.

"I need to talk to a man. I suppose I also need to talk to the Lord Commander, given that taking someone away with us would be against the oaths of the Night's Watch."

"Sophia, you can't take someone away from the Night's Watch." Gendry tells me. He is laughing at my stupidity, I can tell. "You've said it yourself. It's against their oaths. They can't just pack up and leave because someone needs them on the outside."

"Perhaps. On the other hand, perhaps the rules can be bent if the person is the King's brother."

"You want to drag the bastard of Winterfell out of the Night's Watch?" Gendry asks, wide-eyed.

"Given that you are a bastard yourself, I did not expect you to call him that way."

"I don't say it as an insult." He shakes his head of me. "I'm simply stating the truth. Yes, I am a bastard and so is he. I'm not a King's brother, though. Do you really think they will let him leave? Do you really think he would want to leave? And do you really think that is a good idea?"

"I don't know, I don't know and yes, you've guessed it, I don't know." I respond, irritated. I know how idiotic this is; the last thing I need is him to point it out to me. "I am simply doing what my husband asked me to do. If you wish to question someone's sanity, question his."

"Well, I don't know the man at all, but I don't think he would send you all this way if he didn't think there's a chance you could succeed." Gendry shrugs.

"I have been telling myself the same thing every night, and yet, it does not make me sleep any better." I sigh. I am tired. Not only of this trip, but of everything. I am tired of being alone in this. I took over his duties and yet, I do not have him by my side to help me. I am tired of it. I should not be going through this alone. My husband should be by my side. I understand why he is not and I am aware that that is for the best, but no one should go through this alone.

"Have you even met his brother?"

"No." I shake my head. "This was not my idea and it was not my choice. If it was, I believe I would have done it differently. Still, Robb needs me to do this for him. Given what he is doing right now, this is not such a difficult task, is it? A time comes in every wife's life when she has to shut up and simply… listen to what her husband says. I should be lucky mine didn't give out orders, but simply asked me for a favor."

"If I didn't know your marriage was an arranged marriage, I would swear you love the man." Gendry tells me. I look at him in surprise. Love? No. Duty, yes. I suppose the two are easily confused.

"Hopefully, one day. Until then, I will simply follow him, even in stupidity." I sigh.

I know I am being too harsh on Robb. I know it. And the anger I feel is not even that strong. As soon as I am back at Winterfell, it will be long gone. My emotions are talking out of me. I am angrier at the situation then I am at him. Even if I do think this was a stupid move he should have reconsidered.

"Do you have any idea what you're going to say to his brother?"

"In all honesty, no." I admit. Over the last seven days, I've been trying to think of something and so far, my thoughts were not fruitful. I might have a way with words, but I have never seen the man in my life. What I will ask of him is not something he would expect a complete stranger to ask him. I do not know what to say to him, let alone how to convince him to leave with us. Robb put too much faith in me; more than I deserve. "I haven't gotten past a simple "hello"."

"Well, I'm afraid you're going to have to think fast, because I'm pretty sure that's the Wall." Gendry tells me. I snap my head, following the direction in which his hand was pointing.

I could see it now. From where we are standing it looks surprisingly small. Only, we are not close to it at all. Up close, I imagine it to be twice the size I envisioned it to be.

"Do you think we will get their by nightfall?" I ask.

"I think so."

…

We did reach Castle Black before the nightfall.

As we were waiting for the gates to open, I share a look with Gendry. He appears to be calm. If he is, I am impressed. I do not feel calm at all. I feel as if my heart is about to jump out of my chest. In fact, I do not think I was ever this nervous before in my entire existence.

I was calmer when I married Robb.

I know we will be outnumbered, just as I know that the men here would have no reason to do us harm. On the other hand, we are not expected guests. And again, we are outnumbered.

The gates open, without anyone coming out to great us. I ignore the uncomfortable feeling growing in me and I simply urge the horse to move, with Gendry following my lead.

They did not walk out to greet us, but they were in the courtyard. All of them, I believe.

I felt eyes on me as I rode in on Nell, with Gendry right behind me. No one said a word; they simply watched us. Both Gendry and I stop, in the middle of the courtyard.

I wait. I wait for someone to speak up. I wait for someone to say something, anything.

Apparently, the men of the Night's Watch are not too talkative.

"I need to speak with the Lord Commander." I say. I did not even have to raise my voice in order for them to hear me. The courtyard was eerily quiet. My voice carried to the walls and echoed back. "And Jon Snow." I add.

"Well, this is a first." A man speaks up, walking up to us. He was old and quite large. I cannot say if he is fat or if he is muscular; the coat he wore covered him up too well. "A wench and what looks to be her bitch stroll into Castle Black, demanding to speak to the Lord Commander." He groans and at once, laughter fills the courtyard. "I'm sorry love." He says, looking directly at me. "It doesn't work that way."

"How does it work then, sir?" I ask, trying hard to cover up the anger that started boiling up in me.

"Mate, careful who you're talking to." Gendry speaks up. "I would choose your words if I were you."

"And who am I talking to then?" the man asks, grinning up at us.

"You are talking to Stannis Baratheon's daughter and heir." I reply coldly.

Once again, the courtyard was silent.

I should have said Robb Stark's wife. The Watch might be independent from all the Kings, but this is still the North. Robb's name has more meaning here. Yet, I mentioned Father. Given that I am a Stark now, this is something I must change. Nothing more than a habit, but a habit I cannot have.

"Apologies, My Lady." The man speaks up. He does not appear to be frightened of my name; if anything, he seems to be annoyed that he has to be courteous; after his little performance, I imagine that was the last thing he wanted to do now.

"Huh. Apologies for what? For calling me love or for calling me a wench?" I ask. His demeanor only made me want to fight harder. I am not insulted as a Queen, or as a Lady. I am insulted as a woman. I get off the horse and I walk up in front of him, hoping I will not stumble and embarrass myself. "Save your apologies for a more appropriate time, sir. As I told you, I need to speak to the Lord Commander and to Jon Snow." I tell him.

"The Lord Commander should be back soon." A man speaks up from the crowd; I do not see him.

"Very well. I shall wait. And while I wait, would you please be kind enough to tell me where I could find Jon Snow?" I ask, giving the vile man in front of me a small smile. I can play the game as well.

"I'm here." Another voice speaks up and I turn around, looking for the man. I see him soon enough, as he makes his way out of the crowd.

For a moment, I expected to see Robb's exact double. The man in front of him held no resemblance to my husband. The only thing I could notice that both of them had was their stature; both stood tall and proud when they walked. Robb looks more Tully than Stark. And Jon… I imagine this is what Stark looks like. Dark hair, dark eyes. And what appears to be a permanent look of worry.

"Thank you, Jon. I need to speak with you." I tell him.

"Why does a King's daughter have to speak with me?" He asks. Unlike the other man, he was not provoking me. I could see the confusion on his face and his voice was low.

"I'm afraid I did not introduce myself properly." I sigh, forcing a small smile. "I am Sophia, daughter of Stannis Baratheon and the wife of Robb Stark. Now, if my calculations are correct, that makes me your sister by marriage." I tell him.

The look on his eyes only confirmed that he knew nothing about Robb being married. Not to a Baratheon girl, at least.

"She has the tendency to forget to mention her title." Gendry speaks up and I can imagine the annoyed look on his face. "Sophia Stark. Otherwise known as the Queen in the North."

 **And we meet Jon Snow :)  
He will be a HUGE part of this story, I can promise you that.  
As you can see, I'm on fire with the updates so expect a new one in a few days! :)  
Let me know what you think. A lot of cousin bonding in this chapter, right? :D**


	27. Chapter 27

**IMPORTANT A/N! :)  
Hiya guys! I kind of left you with a cliffhanger last time, and I'm here to fix it! :)  
I'm writing like crazy this days and it resulted in something new.  
So, shameless self-promotion time:  
I have a new story!  
If you want to, check it out. The title might be a bit tacky (Power, Pleasure, Pain) but I think I'm taking it into a good direction. It's about a Tyrell OC, so that should be new, or maybe a bit uncommon. And I'm still not sure about the pairing. Just, check it out if you want to and let me know what you think!  
Now, for this story. I'm going to have to make a decision soon and I kind of need your opinion on this. How stupid would it be to completely leave out the White Walkers from the story? I know that is, like, THE BIGGEST THING IN THE BOOKS but until I know what they plan to do with it at the end, I have no idea how to fit that in my story. Let me know what you think. Would you be pissed if I excluded them completely?  
Sorry for the long intro, but it's big news and a big question :D  
Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Expect a new one very soon! :)**

I was not aware of my own hunger, not until I had a plate of warm food right in front of me. I suppose that was a good thing, given that I finished that plate in a matter of seconds.

I was fed and I was warm, finally. I still lacked a proper rest, a good night's sleep, but given the dark and the candlelight around me, I suppose the time will come for that soon enough. Before that, I need to speak with the man who has patiently waited for me to finish my meal, without saying a word.

"I'm sorry about that." I apologize as I push the empty plate away. "Days of dry beef and water can make a savage even out of a proper lady." I smile.

"A Queen, you mean?" Jon asks and I hold back the urge to roll my eyes. This is not Gendry I am speaking to. At this point, I could call Gendry a friend. Jon was still very much a stranger.

"I suppose so, yes." I agree before taking a sip of ale he brought me. It was strong, stronger than I initially expected, but I stand my ground. I know how to take a drink.

"You are Robb's wife, then?" Jon asks and I nod my head with a small smile. "When did the two of you marry? And why didn't he write to tell me this?" He asks.

"I am afraid our marriage was a thing of urgency." I sigh as I prepare myself to explain everything to him. "My Father, King Stannis and Robb made an alliance. That was also very much unexpected. I do not wish to bore you with the details, especially since I am sure you know that the whole of Westeros is at war. Simply put, neither my father nor your brother could have won without an alliance. Even with an alliance, victory is not guaranteed. That being said, chances are much higher than they were before. So, they made an alliance. And our marriage is… the signature, I suppose. Do not feel bad about it, it was hardly a large celebration. We did not have time to waste on festivities. As you can see, only a few weeks have passed since, and here I am, at Castle Black while your brother and my Father are still at Dragonstone. At least they were before I left Winterfell." I add, aware that changes might have happened while I was away.

"I wondered why he never mentioned you before, but now I know." Jon nods his head. He was not rude, not in any way, but I did not feel comfortable either. Even so, I cannot blame him for his distance.

"In times of war, who looks at love?" I joke, shaking my head. "If she has a good name, looks well enough and has child bearing hips, it'll do."

"Robb is not like that." Jon speaks up in Robb's defense.

"Easy, Jon Snow. I never said he said that. I was joking." I explain, shaking my head again. "Robb is a kind man, I know that. Hopefully, I will get a chance to know him better, once all of this is over. Until then, our marriage is a pact. A good one, too. My Father used to say that there isn't a bone in my body that isn't loyal. The only difference is that now, with my marriage to your brother, my loyalty has changed."

"I still don't understand how they allied? I thought Robb didn't want the Iron Throne."

"He doesn't want it." I confirm. "In all honesty, I doubt my Father even wants it. By birthright, it should be his. I think that is what made him go into war, not his desire to sit on that uncomfortable thing. If they win, they will have to split the Kingdome. No one wanted that to happen, but neither one of them could win on their own. That is where I join in, as a solution. As my Father's eldest child, eldest out of two girls, I am his heir. When he dies, I will take over. Robb had no wife, he had no heir. My child would be my Father's heir as well, not only mine. And if Robb fathers my child, the child would be his heir as well. To put it into the simplest words possible, our unborn child will be the ruler of Westeros, if all goes by plan."

I give Jon time, knowing this is not something one easily accepts. After all, I am still accepting it.

"He married you without even knowing you?"

"You sound surprised." I laugh. "Almost all of the marriages in Westeros are made out of an alliance, Jon. If you are lucky, very, very lucky, you will have a chance to meet your future spouse before actually marrying them. Robb and I were not so lucky. That does not mean that ultimately we were not luckier than most. He is a good man. Funny, even. I could have married a man double my age, who would not even like me and who would spend his nights in brothels around town. I have no right to complain about Robb, not in any way. As for him, well, I can only hope he feels the same."

"And what are him and King Stannis planning to do?" Jon asks me.

"I tried to stay out of the war plans." I tell him. "It is not something I know; I could not be of any help when it comes to battlefields. I do know that the main plan is to attack King's Landing. Knowing the two of them, they will probably surround the city. And they will continue from there."

"Do you think it will work?" Jon asks. I am surprised he asks for my opinion and not Robb's.

"Well, the two of them do and I trust their judgment." I reply honestly. "Robb has yet to be defeated in a battle. Father lost before, but I believe he learned from his mistakes. And he is not alone now. Father has a fleet, Robb has an army. Robb has courage, Father has persistence. I doubt I would be sitting here with you if all three of us did not believe that victory is possible."

"What of my brother's and sister's?" Jon asks.

"Oh Gods, I forgot!" I yell, wide-eyed. "Jon, I am so sorry, I forgot to tell you. Sansa is alive and well." I say and I watch a smile grow on his face. "She is in Winterfell. She is safe. Brandon and Rickon, I believe you know that Theon Greyjoy did not harm them. All we know is that they ran away with two of the castle's servants. We do not know where they are, but Robb has men searching for them, as he believes they are still in the North. As of Arya, I am afraid I have nothing to say to you that you did not already know. Ever since they have executed your father, no one has seen or heard anything about her."

I wish I had more good news to give him. At least he knows that one of them is safe. Sansa is at home and she is protected. Given that not that long ago, she was with the Lannisters, those are good news.

"Did they harm her?" Jon asks me and I shake my head.

"If they did, she did not say it. Not to me, at least." I say. I cannot say if she shared something with her mother, but I understand why she did not share anything with me. "I'm afraid it was not easy for her. Knowing Joffrey, and I do know him well, I can imagine that he was ruthless. Sansa seems to me like a girl with thick skin. If they did anything, she is not showing it. I do know that her marriage with Tyrion Lannister was not… consummated. That gives us the ability to claim it is invalid."

"Sansa is home, Robb is a King and no one knows where Arya, Bran and Rickon are. Who is ruling Winterfell now that Robb is gone?" Jon asks.

"I am." I tell him with a small smile. "Well, at the moment, Lady Catelyn and Sansa are. And they will until I return. At least that is the idea."

"Why are you here, Sophia?" Jon asks me. Ah, finally. We get to the question that he wanted to ask ever since I introduced myself. "You seem like a good woman and a good partner for Robb, but why are you here?"

Now what do I say? Do I say it all, straight away? Or do I make him wait, wait for a better moment? If I had more time, I might have played the game better; I would wait for the right moment and I would give Jon information, piece by piece. As of now, I do not have time. I need to be back at Winterfell, the sooner, the better. I do not have time for tactics.

"Robb sent me to you." I sigh, realizing that no amount of preparation would have made me ready for this speech. "He needs your help. He needs his brother. And he asked me to come for you."

"In what way could I possibly help?"

"Well, that is… an issue. Robb told me to tell you the truth, without holding back. To begin with, he needs your help on the battlefield. He needs you. He needs his brother. Moreover, as you probably noticed, I am not with child. My marriage to Robb, our alliance will not be as strong until I am with child. And I cannot have a child while I am at Winterfell and Robb is fighting a war. Robb fears that he will lose his life and that the same might happen to me. If I survive it all, and Robb and my Father do not, Robb knows I cannot do it alone. And he knows that there should always be a Stark at Winterfell. He wants you to rule Winterfell, if anything was to happen to him. He wants you to rule Winterfell in case we do not have a child and one of us, if not both of us, was to die."

I give Jon time as I watch him trying to come to terms with what I just said. Sooner or later, this will all be over and I will make my way back to Winterfell. My life will be normal again, my task would be fulfilled. Hopefully, it will be fulfilled in the way Robb wanted it.

I give the man time. My words carried one surprise after the other. First with the marriage and the alliance, then with Robb's need of Jon's help… and I am yet to tell him exactly what Robb had in mind when he sent me here. I have the paper with me. I simply did not wish to throw it all at Jon, all at once.

"Robb wants me to leave the Night's Watch?" Jon asks, finally speaking up.

"Well… yes." I agree. "Temporarily." I add, hoping that would make the offer more attractive. "If all goes well and if we all survive this war, you would be free to return, if that is what you wish."

"I don't want to leave to begin with." Jon tells me, shaking his head. "I made my vow."

"Robb is your brother. He is your family."

"These men are my brother's as well."

"Robb is your blood. So is Sansa. Winterfell is your home."

"Winterfell might have been my home, but I was never a part of their family." Jon shakes his head.

"Robb told me you would say that." I sigh, remembering Robb's warning. He warned me that Jon had never felt truly at home at Winterfell, given the way Catelyn treated him. I wish I could say I cannot blame her and that I understand the pain that caused her to act the way she did, the betrayal she felt. However, I do blame her. If anyone is to blame, it is not Jon. "He also told me to remind you that he had always treated you like a brother and loved you like a brother as well."

How strange is this for Jon? Who am I to him? No one. I can come up to him and say I am his brother's wife but what can that mean to him? I am a stranger. A stranger that is urging him to turn his back on all of his promises, all the vows he made.

And I did the same with Robb. Not by my own accord and not intentionally, but I did. He broke the promise he gave to Walder Fray, only to marry me. And he did not even want to do it.

I ruin men in all the wrong ways.

"Even if I agree…" Jon starts, shaking his head. I can already tell that this is not going the way Robb hoped it would. "Even if I agree, it would be considered treason. I would break my vows and that is punishable by death. They would never let me leave."

"They would." I shake my head. "I would negotiate on your behalf. On Robb's behalf as well. That is why I am here, and not a servant that was sent to fetch you. Believe me when I say it, I would find a way. If you'd only want me to." I add, knowing that he does not want that. Not yet, that is.

"How would you do that?" Jon asks me, his voice full of doubt.

"I will not reveal it until you accept." I sigh, shaking my head. "Which you are not going to do. At least not tonight. Would it be too much of me to ask for a place to stay, for me and Gendry? Would the Night's Watch be able to accommodate us for one night?" I ask him.

"As a Queen, you should be offered a good place. If they chose not to do it, you can stay in my room. I will find a place to spend the night." He tells me and I shake my head.

"No, Jon, I do not want to kick you out of your own bed. Anything with a roof would suffice. A stall would be enough." I tell him.

While I meant every word I said, I said those words with a goal. Jon does not know me and in a moment or so, he will have a formed opinion, based on our conversation. It would be better for all of us if I appear to be likable and humble. Humble I often am, although I cannot say if I am likable at all.

"No one came for you, so I imagine the Lord Commander has not returned yet. He would arrive in the morning." He informs me and I nod my head. "I will find a place for you to spend the night. Would you be needing anything else?"

"A raven and a piece of parchment?"

…

 _Robb,_

 _I shall keep this letter short, as I do not have much to say; not much good, anyway. Gendry and I have arrived to Castle Black safely, with no troubles on the road._

 _Well, if we do not count our bad mood, that is. And we were in a bad mood; bickering like a brother and sister would bicker. I prefer it that way, in all honesty. For a little while, I did not feel like a Queen. I am sad to say it was a nice change._

 _Jon was kind enough. I spoke to him already. I told him what I am here for, but I am afraid he is not too happy about that. I did not say a word of our plan to make him a Stark. I am not sure why I did so. I had a feeling that the time was not right. You should bend iron while it's hot, I know that. In Jon's case, however, I think he needs to… know me first, I suppose. Tomorrow I will still be a stranger to him, just as I was before; it will be the same the day after that. This is not something I can change, but I know men like him; good men. And with good men a good first impression is important._

 _In the morning I will speak with the Lord Commander. I cannot say how that will go. As much I want to do right by you, I need to be careful. I cannot simply state what I want and go. I wish it was as simple as that._

 _As of now, I have nothing else to say to you. Hopefully, I will have good news to give soon enough._

 _Take care of yourself, please._

 _Sophia_

"How long do you think before they cave?" Gendry asks as I sent the raven out the window.

"I cannot say. Could be days, could be weeks. All I know is that we do not have such time. We need to be back at Winterfell as soon as possible. We have to leave within days, whether my attempt was successful or not." I tell him.

"I wish I could help ya." Gendry sighs and I give him a small smile. I am very lucky to have him, I am lucky Robb sent him my way. I could not have done this on my own.

"We will manage. Somehow, we will manage." I tell him, just as the door opens and Jon walks in. as it had turned out, it was simply easier to put us in his quarters. However, I insisted on sleeping on the floor; well, on the blankets on the floor. I had no intentions of kicking Jon out of his own bed. This was a good way for me to approach him. However, it was not easy for Gendry and I to have our little council when the object of our conversation would be right in the room with us.

"Holy Hells, you have one too!" Gendry gasps in surprise. I also forgot about the fact that we will be sharing the room with Jon's direwolf as well. Gendry, apparently, was not used to them.

"Worry not, he's fine." Jon reassures him with a small smile. He turns to me with the same reassuring look, but I was already on all fours, waiting for the wolf to approach me. And so it did. With red eyes and snow white fur, it was still less frightening than Grey Wind. Or perhaps, after Grey Wind, I am simply not afraid of them anymore.

"And what would be your name, little beast?" I ask as I pet him.

"Ghost." Jon responds, of course. I was hardly expecting the direwolf to talk back.

"Fitting." I smile as I pet the beast, which relaxed under my touch and lies on the floor next to me.

"How are you so comfortable with them?" Gendry asks, looking at Jon and me in turns.

"After Robb's Grey Wind, I do not have the luxury of being frightened by them." I laugh.

"You know Grey Wind as well?" Jon asks and I start laughing.

"Jon, I am his wife. I know it is difficult to imagine your brother as a married man, but that is what he is now. We share a life. I am used to Grey Wind's presence in it."

"It is strange, I'll admit." Jon says as he sits down on the edge of his bed. "When I last so him, we were both children. Now, he's a King with a Queen."

"Jon, in many ways, we are all still children." I shake my head. "Look at the three of us. This is not the way it was supposed to go, was it. You were supposed to be a Night's Watch brother, leading a normal life. Gendry was supposed to be a blacksmith at King's Landing. I was supposed to be a little Lady, no one of importance. And look at us now. We are all just children, pretending that we know better."

"I'll drink to that." Gendry adds. Jon and I both laugh, thankful for the comedic relief Gendry brought.

"Well, since you've already rode all the way here, would you like me to take you to the top of the Wall?" Jon asks. My eyes widen and my heart starts beating faster.

"Yes." I say.

"No." Gendry says at the very same time.

"Why not?" I ask him, realizing I sound like a spoiled child. "Gendry, stop joking around. When you were living back there in Flea's Bottom, did you ever think you would end up here?"

"Actually yes, that was one of my biggest fears." He tells me.

It takes me a moment to realize what his words meant. Instantly, I regret my words. A boy like him must have been worried sick about being sent to Castle Black, to the Night's Watch. Jon might have chosen this for himself, but most men fear it. And I believe they fear it for good reason.

"I apologize." I say, and he shakes his head with a small smile.

"Worry not. I'm here for a different reason, aren't I? No, I don't want to go. You should, though."

"Will you take me?" I ask, looking at Jon.

"As soon as you are ready." He smiles at me.

…

"You are shaking." Jon notices as the contraption we were on was already halfway through its journey. The men on the bottom were pulling it as we went up. "Are you cold?" he asks me.

"No, I have enough furs." I respond, shaking my head.

"Why are you shaking then?"

"I am terrified of heights." I admit after a moment of silence.

"Seven Hells, what are we doing here then? You are shaking?" Jon asks. I am surprised at his worry.

"For one, I am curios. I want to see what it's like." I say, fully aware now that that reason was simply stupid; as Jon pointed out, I was shaking. The reason was not cold; it was fear. "I also believe that it is smart for us to face our fears. Facing our fears can help us be braver. I used to go on a balcony of the tallest tower in Dragonstone. I would make myself walk outside on the balcony and look down, at the rocks and the sea bellow. I believed it would make me stronger, facing my biggest fear." I explain.

"Do you believe it worked?" Jon asks me.

"Well, as I am shaking with fear now, I believe I was mistaken." I admit.

To my complete surprise, I hear Jon laugh. It was a short, quiet laugh; a snicker, if anything. Annoyed at him, I give him a warning look, before deciding to look directly ahead of me. I cannot look in any other direction. Only if I look in front of me, I can pretend as if I am not being lifted over 700 feet in the air.

"It is better at night." Jon speaks up. "In daylight, it's much more frightening."

"Is it now?" I sigh, closing my eyes and keeping a firm grip on one of the side of the carriage that lifted us up. This was a very bad idea. Facing Jaime Lannister one on one with a sword would have been a smarter idea than this.

"You knew it was high."

"Oh, shut up." I say, making him laugh again. The only good thing that could come out of this was that I actually make Jon laugh. Well, my misfortune did. Since I am not likable, the very least I can do is to hope that he will find my fear amusing.

"Keep your eyes closed, try to calm down and pretend like you are somewhere else." He advises me. "We will be up there in no time."

I did as he said. I kept my eyes closed and I imagined I was on the shore of Dragonstone. It was one of those rare, sunny days. Not even sunny days were warm enough for us to run into the water without feeling as if we are going to freeze to death. Still, we ran into the water. I would run in there every time, knowing Father would shake his head in disbelief if he saw me from one of the balconies. I ran into that water, with a part of me waiting, hoping, that this time, my legs would turn into a tail and give me the ability to swim away. To swim away from everything. How funny is that? I wanted to swim away from all of my problems when my problems were simple. Now what do I do?  
Yes, I wanted to swim away but I could not. I stayed, playing with Matthos, running after him, trying to drown him without much success. He would have no problems with drowning me, however. He would only let me out when I would scratch him; that was our signal, a signal that would tell him he was taking it too far and that he might actually drown the heir of Stannis Baratheon.

Oh, this was a wrong memory to think of. Very, very wrong. Matthos, my home… looking back at that, the Wall was far less frightening. As wrong as that memory was, I stayed in it. I stayed in it until Jon Snow tapped me on the shoulder and told me we were there.

Closing my eyes whilst standing on the top of the Wall would have been the biggest mistake of my life and I am glad I did not make it. Not nearly as frightened of the Wall as I was of that old, rusty contraption, I look down and around, shocked at the very size of it.

"You hear stories…" I sigh, shaking my head. "You imagine it. You know the size. The stories, the myths, everything. You get here and it is real. Then you get here, on the very top, and it is even more unreal than it was before. It feels more like a story than it did when I imagined it."

Jon says nothing, allowing me to marvel at this creation in silence.

I wonder how many evils this Wall has seen. How many evils it has defeated and how many innocent lives has it saved. And it had only ever seen a part of it; War of the Five Kings meant nothing up here. It was like a completely different world, where the players of the game of Westeros were as irrelevant as cold day in the North. Robb, Father, Cersei, Catelyn, Uncle Robert, Uncle Renly, me… we were all irrelevant here, as this Wall had its own story to tell.

It reminds me of just how small I am. With a crown on my head and a Stark name behind my own, I can forget just how small and simple I am. A Queen or no Queen, a Stark, a Baratheon, a Rivers or Snow… we are all the same here, next to this giant. We are all just simple humans, small and irrelevant, like ants on the forest ground. My name and my title mean nothing; I am still a simple woman. Easily hurt, easily killed, easily ill or easily healthy. Happy or sad, it matters not.

I am nothing.

I wipe away the tears from my eyes, thankful that Jon has his back turned to me.

Selyse Baratheon might not be a good mother, or a particularly smart woman, but one piece of advice that she gave me I will never forget. It is simple, albeit meaningful. Never let a man see your tears. More than that, you should never let your own man see your tears.

It was too late for that, I knew it. Letting them see our tears is like revealing our weakest point. It would be as if Robb walked up to Jaime Lannister and told him that he cannot swordfight with his left arm.

I might not be able to hide the tears from my husband, but at least I can hide them from his brother.

"Thank you for this, Jon." I say and he turns to me with a small, gentle smile. The two might not have a lot of, if any, physical similarities, but I can see that he and Robb are similar after all. Both seem to be good, kind men. I do not know either one of them well enough to confirm it without a doubt, but they are either good men or very good actors. "This is not something you experience every day. I will remember this one. Thank you." I smile at him.

"You're welcome." He nods. "I'm afraid we need to go. Those boys won't wait down there for too long, and trust me, you do not want to spend the entire night up here."

"I'll take your word on that one." I agree, sheepishly stepping back onto the platform. As soon as Jon closes it off behind us, they start lowering us. How, I do not know. And I do not care to find out. Some things are simply better left unexplored.

Getting back down was worse than getting up there in the first place. I kept waiting for us to drop and start falling down, speeding into our death. That did not happen, and both Jon and I get down alive and well.

By the time we get back to his quarters, we find that Gendry has already fallen asleep, with Ghost sleeping close to him. Probably too close for Gendry's liking. He was too tired to care, I imagine. And now that I am back in the warm room, I feel tired as well. The days of travel had gotten the best of me and I just knew that I was very close to fainting. I take my place on the floor, surrounded by warm fur.

"Goodnight, Jon." I mumble as I yawn; at this moment, I am everything but a Queen.

"Goodnight, Sophia."


	28. Chapter 28

**Hello, hello! :)  
I'm writing like a maniac these days. Between this story and the other one (again, shameless promotion: Power, Pleasure, Pain. Tyrell OC story), I am on fire.  
Thank you for your reviews, they always mean a lot. And they're also a push in the right direction, when it comes to writing. So, let me know what you think.  
I'll have a new chapter out soon. Like I said, I'm on fire these days, lol.**

* * *

Sleep. We do not appreciate sleep enough. I do not appreciate sleep enough.

I remember how, not that long ago, I thought that a Queen essentially does nothing. Well, nothing other than giving birth to future Kings and Queens. It was always the King who had to do all the work; he fights a war, he rules the land, he takes care of his people. Every story tells it that way, and I have to admit, I thought of that to be true. Growing up with a strong Father and a fairly weak and unstable mother, it was all I have ever known.

Now I know that being a Queen is not as simple as I thought it to be. Or perhaps that is just me. For all I know, other Queens do exactly what I imagined them to do: nothing, nothing other than giving birth to future Kings and Queens. I almost feel bad when I realize I am not one of those Queens.

Gendry called it "dirty work". He wondered out loud, possibly on accident, why a King would send me all the way up to the Wall to do "his dirty work for him". When I heard those words I was hurt. At first. Then I was annoyed, which slowly turned into anger. Now, I realize he was right.

The problem is, I agreed to do the "dirty work". I could have easily said no. Robb did not ask me to do anything I was not willing to do. As easy as it would be for me to blame it all on him, I have to admit that essentially, it truly is my fault. I am the one to blame. I got myself in this position.

Not to mention that I was the one who insisted that Father should make an alliance with him to begin with. Oh, had I known where that would lead me… Gods be damned, I would have done it all the same.

I do notice a pattern in my behavior.

When I wake up, and remember where I am and why I am here for, I hate him. I despise him for asking me to do this, just as I despise myself for agreeing. As the day passes, I focus more on the tasks ahead and our unsolved problems and I simply forget to hate him. Then, at night, I admit to myself that he did nothing wrong by me. At that point, I start to worry. Is he alright? Is he well? Is he healthy and in one piece? Will he manage to succeed? Will he ever fulfill the promise he gave me?

It was like that for every day, every day since I left Winterfell. This morning started with hatred as well, and the cold that surrounded me did not help.

When Jon wished me a good morning I only grunted in response, pulling the fur closer to me.

I had to think and unfortunately for me, I had to think fast. At best, I only have an hour or so before I have to go and meet the Lord Commander of the Night's Watch. I may not know much about Lord Mormont, but I am afraid he will not be receptive of a female guest, Queen or not.

As far as I know, I did not make any progress with Jon; he refused to join me last night. After that, I did not even mention the reason as to why Robb sent me here. Both of us pretended as if I was here on a simple social visit, to explore Castle Black, the Wall and the Night's Watch.

I needed Jon on my side before speaking to the Lord Commander. And I do not have him.

Not to mention that my time here is very, very limited. We can only stay here for so long. I cannot afford to use all of their hospitality, all at once, and yet, I cannot return without Jon.

"Gods, is that valyrian steel?" Gendry speaks up in surprise and I look at him, startled.

"Yes." Jon confirmed and I look at the sword in his hand; he was putting it away. To my eyes, it looked like any other sword; long, pointy and sharp. To Gendry, a skilled blacksmith, it was more.

"How did you get a hold of a valerian steel sword? Can I see it?" Gendry asks, jumping up before Jon answered him. When Gendry came up to him, Jon had no other choice but to hand him the sword. I watch as Gendry examines it in wonder. "My master back in King's Landing knew how to handle these things. He never let me touch it. I wouldn't dare and try to reforge it, let alone make it! This one is perfect. Where did you get it?"

"This was a gift by the Lord Commander." Jon tells him. This was an important piece of information. "It used to belong to his House, House of Mormont." Jon adds.

I may not know much about forging swords, but I do know that vayrian steel is as rare as it is valuable. One does not give such a sword to anyone. If the Lord Commander gave this to Jon, Jon must mean something to him. A son he never had, perhaps? Or a son he wished he had, given that his son is Jorah Mormont, a well-known traitor?

"He gave you a valyrian steel sword?" I speak up. "You must be a good steward then."

"He is yet to complain." Jon smiles, continuing my joke.

"You have a good life set up for you here Jon, I'll give you that." I nod. Do I try to play a game with him? Or do I tell him like it is? I can do both and in all honesty, I would not have trouble sleeping after both. I can do what needs to be done. In that way, I am like my father. The only question is which would be more effective. Would Jon fall for a woman's game? Or would that be a fatal mistake?  
"I never thought I would say this, but the Wall is safer. Out there? We are all in danger. Robb does not know if he will live to see another day. It is dangerous. I understand that you wanting to stay here has nothing to do with safety." I add, not wanting to give him that impression. "You made your vow and you want to keep it. Robb made a vow as well, and broke it. That is a different story." I say, noticing the look of surprise on Jon's face. "We could die. We could all die. But we will die while fighting for freedom. We will die while fighting to avenge Lord Eddard Stark. King Robert Baratheon. Both killed, both murdered by the hands of the Lannisters. If we die… we will die fighting for the right thing. We will die with our family. We will have one another. I cannot blame you for staying here, Jon. I can't. Trust me, I have tried. However, I can blame you for not joining us. I can blame you for not coming to your brother's aid. I can blame you for not helping your family in the time of need. I hope you do not depend much on the opinion of others." I add.

"I am going to leave and fetch us some breakfast." Gendry speaks up and simply walks out of the room, walking as fast as he could without breaking into a run. Poor man. I did not choose a good time for a heart to heart conversation with my brother by marriage.

"They are my family, Sophia." Jon says as the door closes behind Gendry. "They are. There is no denying it. They are my family but they are not my family. Winterfell used to be my home but this is my home now. With… with Lord Stark gone and Robb fighting a war, what would I do? If Robb dies, then what? I rule Winterfell? Not only is that impossible… Lady Stark would rather die than to let me rule. Sansa, as much as she is my sister… she would not want that to happen."

"First of all, that matters not." I say, shaking my head as I get up; I cannot be taken seriously if I am having this conversation whilst lying on the stone floor. "Robb is the King. I am the Queen. If Robb dies I will still be the Queen. I am still my Father's heir. I will still be his heir, no matter what happens to Robb. Why do you think I am here, Jon, and not by your brother's side? I need to live. But if Robb dies… if King Stannis dies… I will still be the Queen. A Queen that needs to win a war. Now, that is something I would not be prepared for, but it is also not the reason we need you. If I am going to try and rule Westeros… I cannot do it from Winterfell. And Winterfell always must be in the hands of a Stark. I am not here to ask you to join us because I want that crown on my head. I don't want it. Fuck the crown." I say, causing Jon to look at me in surprise. "Yes, that is what I said. Fuck the crown. I do not care about it. Robb does not care about it. I care about my family and so does Robb. He cares about his home. This is not about ruling or a throne. This is about revenge, survival and family. And he needs you."

Jon remains silent. He is a man of few words. That is good for me. I have a chance to strike. Robb has his sword and I have my words. The time has come for me to use it.

"You say they are not your family? Is that what you think? Jon, they are my family. I married into your House. I fight for them now. They are my family and they are yours. If they were not your family, would Robb ask for your help? It is not even your help he asks for the most. He needs your guidance. He needs your advice. He needs his brother. Is Robb not your brother? Do you not have the same father, the same blood in your veins? Why would he tell me about the two of you about breaking a spear and hiding it from Ser Rodrick? Why would he tell me about Ser Rodrick finding out the truth, and making the two of you clean the barns, every day, twice a day, for an entire month? Why would he tell me about the two of you making fun of Theon Greyjoy and his constant presence in Winterfell's brothel? Why would he tell me about how the two of you taught Arya archery? Or how you let him win when you were fencing in front of your Father? Would he tell me that if you were not his brother?"

This was it. All of my weapons, out in the open for Jon to see. I have used everything, everything apart from that piece of paper that is safely hidden away in my bag. That will be my last chance.

A knock on the door makes us both jump up in surprise. A child, possibly no older than Shireen, walks into the room. He bows his head at Jon before kneeling in front of me. Oh, Gods be good.

"Please, stand up." I say, shaking my head. The only thing worse than a grown man kneeling in front of me is a child kneeling in front of me, not having any idea of what he is even doing.

"Your Grace." He tells me as he gets up. "The Lord Commander wishes to speak with you, if you will."

"Yes." I sigh, knowing this was long overdue. The time has come. "Jon, do you care to join me?"

"Must I?" Jon asks me. I almost laugh.

"Aye, you must." I tell him as I turn around and follow the boy out of the room. I could hear Jon's footsteps as he followed us. My hands are shaking. Fear or impatience? What could it be? Could it be both? I might have just convinced Jon to join our cause, but this will be something else. Jeor Mormont. All I know about him is that he is a smart man, who has been in charge of the Night's Watch for many years. If I use words as traps… it would not succeed. And I will ruin all the progress I have made.

I will play no games here. Only honesty.

The boy opens the door and when I step through I see an old, grey man with traces of blonde in his hair and beard. I imagine he was quite good looking when he was young. Even now, at his age, he was well standing. He does not look kind. In fact, he looks very frightening.

I suppose it is a good thing I grew up with a frightening Father.

"Your Grace." He greats me with a bow and I do the same.

"Lord Commander Mormont. It is an honor." I tell him with a small smile.

"Thank you, Your Grace." He tells me as he sits down. "Snow, you may leave us now."

"Actually, Lord Commander, I would like Jon to stay. If that is alright with you." I add, not wanting to risk anything. Jon and the Commander exchange looks and with one nod of his Commander, Jon closes the door behind him as I take a seat. I wait for Jon to sit down next to me. "Thank you, Lord Commander. I apologize for the inconvenience I have caused you with my sudden visit. I wish this visit could have been arranged in a more appropriate manner, but it was of great urgency."

"And how can the Night's Watch help Sophia Baratheon, daughter of Stannis Baratheon and the wife of Robb Stark?" He asks me. I do hope I managed to hide my surprises; Jon did not know about my marriage to Robb and yet, his Commander knows it. Did someone tell him what I said when I arrived? Or did he know this and chose not to share the information with Jon?

"Night's Watch knows no Kings. I know that. You take no sides and that is… respectable." I tell him.

"And yet, here you are." He smiles at me. "On whose behalf? Your husband or your father?"

"My husband." I admit without blinking an eye. "But I am not here to ask you to fight for us. We know better. We would never do that. The Night's Watch has its duties. Duties that my house, House Stark has supported throughout many, many years and just as many Kings."

"And you mention this because your House does want something from us."

"I would deny it if I was talking to someone less intelligent." I admit. For a moment, just for a moment, I could have sworn I saw a small smile on the Commander's face. With the beard and with him changing his expressions, I could not say for sure but… I could swear.

"How can we help you then, Your Grace?" He asks me. Now is the time to see if Robb Stark made a good decision when he married me.

"I wish to ask for… a leave of absence. For my brother by marriage, Jon Snow." I say. I was not surprised when I saw the look on Jon's face, just as I was not surprised to see the Lord Commander laughing in my face. "When you are done with laughing at me, Lord Commander, I will offer you something in return."

"Offer all you'd like, Your Grace." He tells me as he still laughs, shaking his head at me. "Once they take the black, they can't go back. It has never happened before. Well, it has, but it would end in their death." He adds.

"Which is exactly why I want us to discuss this. Neither one of us wants Jon dead, do we, Lord Commander?" I ask, smiling. "While I am here, I would suggest for you to hear me out. After all, you have nothing to lose. And you do have a lot to gain."

"Alright then." He tells me with a sigh. "What is it that you offer?"

"What is the biggest issue the Night's Watch is facing?" I ask him.

"Lack of men. Decent men, at that." The Lord Commander tells me. Those were the words I hoped to hear. Now I can only hope that Robb will not have a particular problem with what I am about to offer.

"Once this war is over, there will be one winning side." I take a deep breath. "We cannot say who. I could be us, the Starks. It could be the Lannisters. It could be anyone. One side will win and the other side will lose. Now, I have a problem with killing. As a Queen, I wish to keep our killings as low as I possibly can. I realize that my husband is at war, killing people as we speak, but there will be survivors. There will be survivors who will be regarded traitors by the winning House. Sending the traitors, well-educated soldiers with war training to the Wall would be better than killing them, will it not?" I ask.

Robb and I have never discussed this. I only have a good idea that this would be his choice. I also believe that if need be, I would manage to convince him and Father to act this way. If this is the price Robb has to pay to have Jon by his side, I believe he would pay it. After all, it would cost him nothing.

Lord Commander Mormont stares at me. I do not feel comfortable under his stare, not at all. I want to look away, to break eye contact and stand down. I do not do it. If I am to win this little battle, I will not win it by looking away.

"I have to admit, that does sound very tempting. How do I know you will win this war?"

"You don't." I reply with a smile. "You believe. I know you must have been following the course of this war, Lord Commander. Robb Stark is yet to lose in the open field. Stannis Baratheon has military experience and together, the two of them have the numbers. And with our marriage, they have a chance to unite the Kingdome again. They have reasons to fight, Lord Commander. And if they lose… we are all dead. And you will still get brothers. Northern brothers, at that."

"And what of Jon?" He asks me.

"We do not have an heir yet. In case of Robb's death, we want a Stark to rule Winterfell. Jon is more suited than anyone else. That is why we need him."

"Do you wish to leave, Jon?" the Lord Commander asks him.

"He wishes to stay just as much as he wishes to leave." I say before Jon even has a chance to speak. "Jon knows he is needed here, just as he knows he is needed in Winterfell. If we all survive to tell the tale, Jon will be free to return here if that is what he wishes to do. The North needs an heir, Lord Commander. A Stark must always been in Winterfell. We need him more. And you would get your compensation."

"Jon?" Lord Commander asks him again.

"I want to be with my brother. I want to help him. But I do not want to break my vows." He says.

"You would not break your vows. Given that you are the King's brother, I know that we can make an exception. And you will have an option of returning to Castle Black, if that is what you wish. No one will chain you to Winterfell." I tell him, before turning to face the Lord Commander. "Let us do this, Lord Commander. We both know he can be more than a simple ranger. Allow Jon Stark to leave."

"Jon Snow." Jon corrects me. I smile at him.

"As a matter of fact, Jon Stark." I say as I open the little bag I carried with me. "Here I have a paper signed by Robb Stark of House Stark, the King in the North and his wife, Sophia Stark of House Baratheon, the Queen in the North, along with the royal sigil, that officially proclaims Jon Snow as Jon Stark, acknowledged by birth as the brother of the King and the one true heir of Winterfell. I would also like to add that even when Robb and I have a child, that child would be the heir of Westeros, not only of Winterfell. In case of Robb's death, Jon would rule Winterfell as Jon Stark."

"You can't be a King and a Lord at the same time, Jon." I smile at the man who stared at me in disbelief. "I told you that Robb needs his brother. Now, more than ever."

"Well, this changes everything." The Lord Commander sighs. "Alright. Let's say that Jon does agree to leave and I do decide not to proclaim him a deserter. We could call it an honorable discharge for the greater good." He mumbles, and I barely manage to hold my laughter. The man is on the side of the North. No wonder, being that he is from House of Mormont. "What number could I expect in return?"

"Lord Commander, I truly cannot say." I shake my head. "If I could, I would promise you thousands of men but I cannot do that. We do not know how many lives will be lost by the time this is over. I cannot say how many of the survivors will be executed for treason because of their crimes. What I can promise you is that you will get a number of soldiers. I am blind at this, I cannot say, more than a 1500 men seems like a good deal, given that the Night's Watch has… how many, 1000 members at best? Only 3 out of 19 castles are used? My Uncle Robert did not give the Night's Watch the attention it needed. I cannot speak in my Father's stead or in my husband's at this point, but I am a Queen. I am a ruler as well, heir to the throne. When they win this throne, I will be the heir, and so will my child. A ruler of the Seven Kingdoms. And when that day comes, I can assure you that the Night's Watch will be taken care of. On my honor as a Baratheon. On my honor as a Stark, I swear to you. All we need is Jon."

My first oath as a Queen. At least I swore to a worthy cause.

All of this will be useless if Jon does not agree to it. I need Lord Commander to agree with it, but it all falls down to Jon. Looking at his face now, I wonder if I have actually managed to succeed.

"Do I have your word?" the Lord Commander asks me.

"You have my word." I say as I stand up, offering him my hand. He takes it, grabbing my forearm as he stares directly into my eyes. I nod once again, holding his forearm as well.

This is what I have to do now. I give my word and I need to stand behind it. This is only the beginning.

"Jon." I say once the Lord Commander lets go of my hand. "What will it be?" I ask him.

For a moment, I realize I have just made a promise without knowing if I will get anything in return; it is Jon's decision. Now that he has permission, it all falls on him. Even if he chooses not to come with me, I will stand behind my words. One night and one night alone was enough for me to see that the Night's Watch is merely a shadow of it used to be. It needs men, funding. As a Queen, I can give them that. And I will give them that, even if Jon does not join us.

"I'm leaving with you." Jon announces.

* * *

Officially, I was welcomed. Unofficially, I was not welcomed. As I walked through the castle grounds, I could feel eyes plastered on me. At first, I thought it was because I was a change. It's not every day that a Queen visits the Wall.

Then I thought it was because I was a woman. There aren't many women here this far up north. And even if they were, men of the Night's Watch were not allowed to touch them. I never considered myself particularly attractive, but I suppose I am not horrible for the eyes. Besides, I suspect these men would not be the ones to complain.

Now, as I walked through the corridors on my way to the highest tower, to find myself a raven, I knew why they were staring at me.

I did the one thing no one ever did. I snatched one of their brothers out of the grasp of the Night's Watch. Not only will I face no consequences, but neither will he.

I could only remember one time when I felt as many eyes on me, judging my every move; when I walked towards Robb at our wedding ceremony. I knew his people were watching me, wondering what kind of woman this Baratheon girl is. Wondering if their King stepped into a marriage simply for the alliance, or will getting into my bed be an added benefit. I felt it all and I feel it all the same now.

Just like I did it then, I have to ignore it now. Ignore and pretend like all is well.

"Excuse me," I say as I walk into what could only be a library. There was one man there; one man that jumped up in surprise when he heard my voice. "Apologies. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Your Grace," He tells me as he bows his head. I look at the man and I cannot seem to shake away the feeling of knowing him. "Can I help you with something, Your Grace?" he asks.

"Do I know you?" I ask, frowning at him. I cannot say if he just has one of those faces. His face was round and red, but I imagine he was only flustered; he did not expect a Queen to walk in, I could tell. He is a big man. My Uncle was a big man, but he was also a man that induced fear. Uncle Robert could make your blood freeze with just one look. This man looked like one big pup.

"You do, Your Grace," He nods his head. "Samwell Tarly, Your Grace. We were in King's Landing at the same time, a few years back."

"I remember you," I gasp, surprised. "Samwell Tarly. We never spoke, did we?" I wonder, knowing I would have remembered him better had we shared words.

"No, Your Grace," He shakes his head. "Your Lord Father was rather good at avoiding the Tyrells and their vassal houses." He adds and I do not hold back my laughter.

"Call me by my name, Samwell," I smile at him. "I wish I could blame my Father for that, but I can't. How did you end up on the Wall, Samwell?" I ask him.

Now that I know who he is, my wonder only grows. If I remember correctly, Lord Tarly has two sons. My knowledge of Westeros houses tells me that Samwell is the eldest son. With him being on the Wall… That would mean the other son is the heir.  
Who gives up a house, land and a title for the Night's Watch?

"Being a Lord never was for me," He smiles at me. I could tell he felt uncomfortable. I cannot ask him anything more. He has no reason to want to talk about it, definitely not with me, out of all people. And I am not that curious to know. I am not the only one that needed to make difficult decisions. "Jon tells me he will leave with you."

"Yes, he will," I agree. Samwell has one of those faces, one of those faces that cannot hide sadness, no matter how hard he might try. "Is he your friend?" I ask.

"The best," He smiles proudly. "He is my brother."

My heart broke a little bit.

"He will be back, Samwell," I smile at the man. "I'm not taking him into death. He will be back. You will see him again."

"I'd better, Your Grace," He laughs. "Now, how can I help you?"

* * *

A letter was sent. A letter with one simple line; I did not even leave my signature.

 _I did it._

Hopefully, it will reach Robb soon enough. I imagine that by the time we reach Winterfell, it will already be in his hands. And hopefully, I will have a letter from him, waiting for me.

I am afraid of thinking that we have made progress, that we know each other better now. Given the situation we are in and seeing as the letters are our only way of communication, both of us have been doing all that we possibly could; all that was in our power.

I do wish it was different.

Having him here would have been… helpful, at the very least.

I am old enough now to do things on my own. With the danger that surrounds us, the time has come for me to realize that I might end up alone. If both my Father and my husband die, I will have no choice. I can hold this against him as much as I'd like, but the truth of the matter is that this was something I needed to do. Not only to get Jon on our side; but to grow and learn from this.

"Shit!" Gendry's voice was louder than it should have been. Jon and I exchange smiles as we watch the young blacksmith stare around in awe. "Can I yell?" He asks, looking at Jon for permission.

"By all means." Jon smiles.

"SHIT!" Gendry yells and his voice echoes more times than I could count.

"Not that, Gendry!" Jon snaps in surprise. "There isn't a wildling north of the Wall that didn't hear you!"

"What, if I yelled "beef stew" they wouldn't hear me or what?" Gendry asks.

"Alright, stop it, both of you." I speak up, hoping that this was not about to turn into a conflict. "Why don't all three of us simply shut up and enjoy the view? Try to remember it, shall we? You, that are saying goodbye to it." I say to Jon, before turning to Gendry. "And us, that are experiencing it in daylight for the first time. Can we not just… marvel at this beauty and wonder? Please?" I ask.

I was surprised that the two of them simply listened, without making a comment. I am yet to understand Jon well enough, but Gendry did not hold back, not since he stopped treating me as a Queen.

I wonder how our journey to Winterfell will be like. Will Jon be the same as Gendry was? Would he be calmer and more at ease in my company? Or will he stare at Gendry and wonder why this boy is not treating me with the respect my name implies.

Whatever waits for me on the journey back home is nothing compared to what was awaiting for me here. I will handle it as it comes. Oh. Home. I thought of Winterfell and the word I thought of was "home". This was a first.

The journey itself will probably even be faster. We will have more food with us, as the Lord Commander allowed us to take food, after I have promised to him that I will send more food their way as soon as I step foot in Winterfell.

That is how bad the Night's Watch was faring. They do not even have enough food to feed all the brothers. I could not allow for that. Night's Watch is something all Houses, all lands should invest in. Now that I am Queen, I have a chance to do the Night's Watch good. Just as I must remember that Robb warned me to keep an eye on the coin; wars are not cheap.

Oh, how happy will he be with me? He tells his wife to watch the coin and what does she do? She takes in another thousand mouths to feed. With any luck, I will not feed 1000 mouths more every given day.

Once again, I look down at the Wall below me, just to remind myself how little I am, how little my worries are. It all falls short, compared to this.

I cannot say how long we stay there. Gendry, still staring in awe. Jon, saying goodbye to a place that was his home, his family, his wife and his duty for years. And I? I was silent, drowning in my own thoughts, hoping to find a rock I could grab a hold of before I let the water, or my memories, take my life.

I cannot say how long we stood there, but it was Jon that suggested it was time to leave. I do not complain and neither does Gendry; we follow him on the long journey down.

I wonder if Jon is feeling the same way I felt when I left Dragonstone. I felt glad to be on my way back home, but how did he feel? His agreement does not mean this is something he desperately wants.

Home. Winterfell. Now, it is more a home of mine than it is a home of Jon Stark.

I speak and shake hands with the Lord Commander Mormont once more, as we wait for Jon to say his goodbyes. I was expecting to see men standing in lines to say goodbye to his friend, but that did not happen. Only a handful of them came forth, but their embraces lasted long.

I did not consider everything when I agreed to do this and I doubt Robb considered it all as well. Did he ever stop and think about what people would say? Stark or Snow, bastard or not, with or without a permission, Jon would still be someone that left the Night's Watch.

A deserter with permission to desert. It was foolish of us to expect that to go down well with his fellow brothers. We may have disregarded that, but I am sure Jon did not. He must have thought about that as well, as he was making his decision. Seeing the sight in front of me, the few friends that came to say goodbye to their brother, I cannot help but feel guilty.

Aye, taking him with us is the best for us, but what if it is not the best for Jon? What if he does not want to follow us, but only did so because of duty, duty and love for his brother? What if asking him to join us and our cause was the worst possible thing we could have ever asked of him.

"Are you alright?" Gendry asks me in a low voice; I do not look away from Jon as he hugs Samwell. Samwell, a man with the kindest face. A face that left no doubt that his heart was as big as his belly. Jon did not look like a joyous man, and I have only known him for one entire day, but I have not seen such a sad expression on him as the one he had now, as he was hugging his friend.

"No, I don't think so." I answer honestly.

"What is it? Do you need anything? Can I help?" Gendry asks and I shake my head, still not looking away from my brother in marriage.

"No, I'm afraid not." I sigh.

So far, I have only noticed the physical differences between Jon and my husband, but now I believe I have a peek into Jon's true nature. And I see the difference. Robb has been nothing but kind to me, but he has… a wilderness about him. I do not mean that in a negative way. He is a vocal man and as a King, he needs to be one. He speaks his mind. I think of a phrase Gendry used the other day: he does not beat around the bush. Jon seems to be more… calmer, silent and… secure? I cannot say if my impressions are right or not, but one thing I know. I want Jon to _speak._

I want to know what he thinks, what he actually thinks about all of this. I want him to tell me the truth because that is the truth he wishes to share and not because he thinks he needs to do so because of his duty towards me, as his Queen and his brother's wife.

Honor, honor, honor. The Starks and there damned duty.

It was the honor and duty that made Jon turn his back on a different sort of duty; a weaker one, I would imagine.

He turned his back on his friends and his life and got on the horse, not looking back once as we ride through the gates.

"Jon?" I ask, my voice barely louder than a whisper. It was loud enough for him to hear me, as his eyes met mine. "Are you sure this is what you want to do?" I ask him.

I was selfish. I asked him this because I do not wish for him to end up hating me one day, for making him turn back of his vows. I might have done it in his brother's stead, but I was the one saying the words. I do not want to see Jon Snow, or Jon Stark, look back at me one day with hatred, knowing that it was my words that ruined his life.

Not all of my reasons were selfish. Jon was my family now. Even if his hatred would not be directed toward me, I do not wish to see any hatred in his eyes at all, and I fear I might.

"Yes," he tells me, followed by a firm nod of his head. "I am sure." He tells me.

I nod my head, but I wonder if that is him speaking or simply his honor.

* * *

 **Once they take the black, they can't go back.  
I never thought I'd say this but… I'm good :D**


	29. Chapter 29

**Okay, so this one is going to be a bit different. I did not want to leave you with a filler chapter; I try not to do that, it's not my thing. If I had ended 29 where I planned to end it, it would be… boring.  
And I don't do boring.  
So, I combined 29&30, which means there'll be a bit more for you to read, but plenty of things will happen in this one. And the next one is a BIG one. So, hold your horses. I'll update soon.  
As always, let me know what you think. I hope you enjoy it :)**

* * *

"You are not listening," Gendry tells me, shaking his head. "You are holding that thing as if you are holding on for dear life. Loosen the grip."

"Gendry, it's a sword," I tell him, feeling the anger boiling in me. "If I am using it, chances are that _I am_ holding on for dear life!"

Gendry rolls his eyes at me and I hear Jon chuckle behind us, from where he was sitting on the ground, leaned on a tree. I turn around to frown at him; I do not appreciate him laughing at me when I am trying to learn how to handle a sword properly.

"Are my failed attempts at sword fighting that amusing?" I ask.

"No. The two of you are," Jon smirks. "You are fighting like siblings."

"That's because she asks for my help and then when I offer it, she refuses to listen," Gendry tells him. This time, I am the one who rolls her eyes. "Loosen the grip, Sophia."

"He's right," Jon jumps in. "You are holding it with a lot of force."

"I'm a girl," I sigh, throwing my free hand up in the air. "If I don't hold it with all the strength I have, I'm going to drop it and then I'm going to follow it down."

"You need to find the middle ground." Jon tells me.

"Alright, if you are such a good swordsman yourself, why don't you show me how to do it?" I suggest.

"I am fairly certain my brother would not appreciate me teaching his Queen how to swordfight."

"Who's to say your brother will ever find out?" I raise my eyebrow. It worked; Jon gets up and walks over to us, getting his own sword ready. Gods be damned, I forgot I would be going up against valyrian steel. I just cannot stop making stupid decisions, can I?

To my surprise, Jon does not hold back. I cannot say if he could have stopped himself if I was not fast enough to react; it did not appear to be that way. Luckily for the both of us, I managed to stop his sword just in time with my own; the force of the impact almost threw the sword out of my hand.

By pure luck, I guess the side which Jon would attack and I block him again. Then, Jon speeds up. He hits, I block. Hit and block, hit and block, hit and block, until I realized that I was stepping away from him, going backwards for my own protection. I wanted to look behind, to see if there is any room for me to escape or anything on the ground that I might trip on, but I could not afford to do so, not with Jon hitting every other second. I could not look around and fight back at the same time.

I knew how it was going to end even before it happened. Luckily for me, I hit a tree; if I fell down, I might have hurt myself with my own sword. With my back against a tree and Jon's sword pointed directly at my chest, I suddenly become very aware of the danger I was in.

"You've proved your point," I snap at him, acting surprisingly brave for someone who has an incredibly sharp sword pointed directly at her heart. In his defense, this was what I wanted. Somehow, I imagined it to go differently; I expected a lesson, not him showing his dominance and my lack of skill. It caught me by surprise, and in all honesty, it left me a little bit insulted. "Are you going to put that sword down or are you going to finish me off?"

It was obvious that Jon didn't realize he took it too far, not until it was too late. His look of confusion changed when he realized what my words meant. In seconds, he looked apologetic.

"I'm sorry," He tells me. Well, at least he has no problem with apologizing. "I should have warned you, but this is the only way you will ever learn. No one would ever dare put you in danger while training you. That is why Queens don't train to sword fight." He tells me.

"What about Kings?" I ask him; while I understand his explanation and accept his apology, I am angry. Not at him as I am at his sex. "Are you telling me than while you trained with him, you did not dare put Robb in danger? Are you telling me that no one ever put a proper fight, because he was the heir and Gods forbid something happened to him?"

"That is different," Jon shakes his head at me. "You cannot compare the two."

"Yes, I can," I fight back. "And it is different only because men make it different. You said it yourself; I'm never going to learn unless someone actually puts up a proper fight. So why not put up a proper fight?"

"I just did that," Jon replies, looking irritated. "I did that just now and you wanted to strangle me."

"Oh please, I did not want to strangle you," I roll my eyes, annoyed by his argument. "You caught me off guard, that's all. I would have appreciated the warning."

"At the battlefield, you won't get a warning," Jon shakes his head at me, looking down as if he was looking at a stupid little girl. "You never get a warning."

"It matters not, because I will never be _allowed_ to go to the battlefield, will I?!"

"If you were a decent fighter, maybe you would be."

"Alright, maybe the two of you should…" Gendry starts, only to stop mid-sentence when he saw the glare I directed his way. "I'm going to shut up now." He sighs, taking a step back, away from us.

"Thank you for your help, Jon. It is much appreciated," I say as I throw my sword on the ground, completely aware that I was too old and too mature to throw a childlike tantrum.

Still, I do just that. I throw my sword and I march away from him, ignoring the worried look Gendry sent my way as I walked into the woods on the side of the road. If I am going to be angry, I wish to be angry on my own. We won't be leaving anytime soon, and if we do leave, I am positive that they would not leave me behind. Well, at least Gendry wouldn't.

I was angry and Jon was the drop that made the water in the glass overflow. I was angry long before he made me angry. He shouldn't have said the thinks he did but I should have reacted in a different way. I should have stayed calm and collected. It would not have gotten out of control if I kept _my_ control.

This is not how it was supposed to be. For the love of Gods, he's my husband's brother! We were supposed to get along, or at the very least, be civil around one another. It was all going so well too! It started of great and now… We were not supposed to end up fighting each other, with a sword pointed to my heart. Even if he had no attention of stabbing me with it, he shouldn't have done that.

And I should have been more… calmer. More regal about it. If there ever was a moment for me to act like a Queen, it was this one now. And I did the exact opposite.

I wasn't alone for very long; I heard footsteps and I was not surprised to find Gendry, and not Jon. Jon never would have come up to me, not this soon. After all, I did not want him to.

No, it was Gendry, the humble smith that became my friend in a very unexpected turn of events.

With his demeanor, he reminded me so much of Matthos. Although, not enough to make me look at him the same way I looked at Ser Davos's son; Matthos was my first love and Gendry? Gendry is a friend. Like the brother I never even knew I wanted.

"Well, that got a bit out of control, didn't it?" He asks and I scoff as he sits down on the ground next to me. Sitting on the ice cold ground without a cloak beneath our backsides was not smart.

"That's a nice way to say it," I sigh, shaking my head. "I'm sorry about that. You never should have seen it."

"Ah, don't worry about me," He smiles. "I've seen worse."

"It was idiotic," I grunt; I imagine I look like a sulky brat. "Why did I even ask him to help me? Why did I even take that sword in the first place?"

"Because that is what you do," Gendry shrugs. The way he says it makes it sounds as if that is a solid explanation for everything. "Cersei Lannister sits on her bottom. She plays the mind game. Most Queens do. You, on the other hand, are the type of Queen that will grab a sword and try to wield it."

"Try being the most important part," I sigh. I ignore Gendry when he laughs. "Perhaps there is a reason Queens do not do such things. Perhaps they do not do it because they might end up with a sword pointed to their heart. Especially if it's pointed at them by their husband's brother."

"There's nothing wrong with trying and deciding that it is not right for you," Gendry suggests. "It wouldn't even be a mistake. We cannot all do everything."

"I don't think you understand, Gendry," I smile. I knew it was one of those sad smiles of mine, I knew it by the way Gendry's smile fell down when he saw the look on my face. "I cannot afford it. If Robb dies, which he very well might, my Father might follow. And if they die… How am I expected to lead an army of men that don't even know who I am, or what I can do? I need to learn. I need to learn how to hold a sword because that might be my only option. This isn't some childhood wish of mine, to be one of the boys. It's necessary." I explain. I cannot quite put it to words. Not appropriate words, at least.

"Sophia, you cannot do everything," Gendry repeats. "You can negotiate and that is good. That is necessary. More than sword fighting."

"Can I negotiate?" I ask. "Can I really? Yes, I got Jon out, but at what price? You've seen him just now; if he doesn't hate me for it, he'll hate me soon enough. I might have promised more than we could give. I have added another thousand mouths to the ones we already have to feed. When he sent me to Winterfell, Robb told me to do two things. One was to get Jon and the other one was to control the spending. And what do I do? Does that make me a good negotiator? I think not."

"Which expectations are you trying to fulfill?" Gendry asks. "Yours or your husbands?"

"Both, Gendry. Both." I admit. "And so far, I have not fulfilled anything, not a single expectation."

"You are being too hard on yourself and you know it."

"I have to be like that, Gendry," I tell him. "If I am not like that, I cannot do what is expected of me. If I am not hard on myself, if I do not do all that I possibly can, I will lose sense of reality. Days of playing games on the beach are gone, Gendry. I cannot afford to be a child any longer. If that means I have to deal with hatred, so be it. After all, I am sure Jon will not be the only one that despises me once all of this is over." I admit.

Kings and Queens are loved. Loved and respected. And hated. Hated beyond belief. It matters not what Gendry says. I know what I must do. I have to awake the Baratheon side of me. I need to become more like my father. Men like Father survive wars and earn respect. I must do the same, as a woman, as a Queen, as a Baratheon and more than anything, as his daughter.

"Will you tell Robb about this?" Gendry asks me sheepishly.

"No," I shake my head, not even stopping to consider the possibility. "My husband is at war. The last thing he needs is to fight my battles."

I will bite my tongue and keep my mouth shut. I will not complain, not to anyone. I will become what I always needed to become.

I will be my father's daughter. That is the only way that I could survive this.

* * *

Left foot forward, slash to the neck. Left foot back and block the hit. He takes two steps forward, which means he will strike low; I block another hit and purposely change the direction of my hit.

Gendry was lucky he had good reflexes. He jumped backwards right on time.

"You're getting better," He smiles, impressed. I shrug, pretending as if this was nothing of importance. "A couple of more days and you'll kill me."

"Never," I smile at him. "Unless you piss me off." I add, earning a nod from him; he was impressed. A few days in his company and I set my tongue free. It is reserved for training, however. Once I let the sword down, the fun is over.

"Focus on your feet," Jon speaks up, causing both Gendry and I to look up in surprise. He looks at me. "Your right knee bends when you take a step back. Keep it locked." He tells me.

"Thank you." I reply, as soon as I remind myself that he is a good person to take advice from, at least when it comes to sword fighting. In the few moments when Robb spoke to me about him, especially when he was trying to explain what kind of person I will have to convince to join us, he was never shy of complimenting his brother. He even went as far to say that he was better with a sword than him.

We did not speak much, over the last two days. Our journey was a silent one, with only Gendry having the courage to try and start a conversation, with either one of us.

The two of them got along quite well. I could officially call Gendry a friend. The best one I've had in years, in all honesty. Jon and I? We exchanged only a few words.

At least both of us kept our swords and tongues down. We both put that incident aside as we kept up with our journey to Winterfell. I only have a few days to build over that bridge, even if the first one was week to begin with.

When we get to Winterfell, I need to have Jon on my side just as much as he needs me on mine. Catelyn will be there and I know that by now she knows where I went, and what I went to do.

I cannot see her welcoming the both of us with her arms open wide.

I need to be a diplomat, now more than ever. I need to be a Queen. Whether she and Jon experience a conflict or not, I need to be ready to make them be at peace with each other. I cannot do that if Jon will not even look me in the eye. I cannot do that if Catelyn has reasons to try and make me think that doing this was a bad idea.

If he does not listen to me, it will be useless. If she points out that the man hates me, it will all be useless.

Before we reach the gates of Winterfell, I need to have Jon on my side. I might not want him there, but I need him there. We gave this man the power. He might not betray Robb, but if Robb was to die, who's to say that he won't betray me? I need him on my side. It is no longer a choice.

* * *

"How long?" I ask.

"Two days, if we keep our sleep short," Jon tells me, knowing what I wanted to know. "Do you plan on keeping our sleep short?"

"Oh yes," I smile. "We'll sleep in warm beds when we get home."

"Home?" Jon asks me. I pretend as if he said nothing. "Days ago, when we first met, Winterfell was Winterfell. Now you call it home?" He asks me. I should not be surprised he noticed this. Even I caught myself saying or thinking the same thing. It happened without me knowing it. I cannot say what caused the change, but it was about time. Winterfell has been my home for weeks. I should call it that.

"I take my vows seriously, Jon," I tell him, adding a small smile, hoping that will soften my words. I am not pretending; I simply need to remind myself to be kinder. "And I have the utmost respect for your brother. His home is my home. That is what I promised."

"You miss him, don't you?"

Gods damn it, people that do not even know me well can read me like an open book.

"He is your brother, Jon," I shake my head. "Whatever I tell you, whatever words I speak, how can I know that your brother will not hear them as well?"

"You do not want your husband to know you miss him?" He asks, smiling. Good, improvement.

"I do not put my emotions into words. Not lightly, at least," I explain. "Robb was… a stranger. I suppose that now he is a friend. When he should be a husband. I should cry myself to sleep every night, feeling pain in my chest because of his absence. I do not. I do not want him to know that I miss him, not until I miss him properly." I admit.

Why am I saying this? This will in no way benefit the relationship Jon and I have. This is not important to anyone but myself! And I cannot close my mouth and shut up.

"I'm sorry," Jon speaks up and I look at him in surprise. "For what happened the other day."

"I'm sorry as well," I admit after a few seconds of silence. I do not know what caused him to apologize all of the sudden but I will not complain. "We were both caught in a moment of weakness. I think my anger that day had nothing to do with you. Nor did you say anything untrue."

"Neither did you," He tells me. "I have been thinking over what made me say what I said. I recognize two things." He tells me.

"Better tell me now, before Gendry comes back from his… little break." I joke. Gods be good, he laughed! It happened again!

"One is obvious and it is Robb," He tells me, shaking his head. "He would kick me all the way back to the Wall if he knew I put his wife in danger in any way."

Would he really? I could see him doing that for the love of his life, but for a wife he barely knows? No, I doubt it. I wonder if Jon knows about Talisa. He did not know about our marriage, but perhaps Robb said something to him, perhaps they were sending letters to each other before? As much as I would like to ask him about that, I cannot.

What if he does not know? What if he has no idea that his brother fell madly in love, and I reveal Robb's biggest secret? To his brother, yes, but a secret nonetheless. I say nothing, no matter how much I wanted to.

"I have my doubts about that, but you know him better than I do."

"Robb has honor," He tells me. And now I am absolutely sure that he knows nothing about his brother and what his brother did. For one, he wanted to marry Talisa. I did not need to hear it from him in those words. I knew it from the way he described their connection. He held onto his honor when he parted ways with her, so that he could marry a Fray girl. Which is an oath he broke so that he could marry me. Not because he was madly enough, but because our offer was better. Robb might just be the most honorable man I have ever met, but he is far from perfect. "He would protect you with his life."

"Again, you know him better than I do," I say, not wanting to openly disagree. As I pointed out before, anything I say might end up in Robb's ear. I do not want Robb to believe I have a low opinion of him. I do not; I am just aware that he is not perfect. "What would be the other reason?" I ask.

"You reminded me of someone," he tells me. I turn to look at him; he looks directly in front of him, avoiding my eyes. "She was a fighter. A good one, at that."

"What happened to her?" I ask, knowing that he was not talking about someone who was still alive.

"I am not sure," Jon admits, finally turning to look at me. I could see sadness in his eyes. I am yet to see happiness there, but the sadness was more prominent now. "She might be dead, she might be alive. If she is dead, she died in battle and if she is alive, she is in danger at all times. Seeing you… trying so hard to learn, trying to prepare yourself for the possibility of a battle… it reminded me of her and her bravery. I did not want to see her like that and I know Robb wouldn't want to see you like that." He tells me.

"Because I am a woman? Because she is a woman?" I ask.

"Because you could die."

One thing is clear to me from his words. However this woman is, or was, she had Jon's heart.

Was she at Winterfell? That is the first thought I had, and that could explain why Jon would agree to come back. Then again, I imagine Robb would know about that. If he knew about that, he would let me know, so that I could use it as an argument while convincing Jon to join our side. Also, he did not describe a little lady or a regular handmaiden. He described a warrior.

I've seen the dismay in Ser Rodrick's eyes when I asked him to teach me how to wield a sword. I've seen just how much he was against it, even if he ultimately agreed to do it. There was no warrior girl in Winterfell. Unless he was talking about Arya?

She is his sister and he loves her. Robb told me how she would spend her days in dirt, changing needle and thread with a bow and arrow. And we do not know where she is. She could be alive, she could be dead. On paper, it sounded like Arya. In Jon's eyes, I did not see a brotherly love.

"Who was she?" I ask him.

Why would he share anything with me? Why do I even feel the need to ask?

"I'll tell you about her one day," Jon smiles at me. "All I will say now is that I broke my vows even before you knocked on the gate and asked me to break them again."

I do not need to ask to know what he meant.

"Do you still want to return?" I ask him. "Jon, I had one task and one task alone and that was to try to bring you to Robb, to try to convince you to join us. Obviously, I still need that to happen. But Jon, if you want to change your mind, turn your back and return, now is the time to do it." I tell him.

After I confirmed to Robb that I have managed to convince his brother to follow me, I cannot imagine how I would explain Jon's sudden change of heart. I would take the blame, even if I have a difficult time imagining Robb being openly angry at me.

That would be a change, since he has always been kind. Whatever reception might await me, I would receive it. But if Jon needs to do this, he needs to do this now. I cannot have him becoming Lord of Winterfell and then deciding to leave it all for a woman. If he wants to follow his heart and not his honor, now is the time to do it.

"I made my choice," He shakes his head at me. "I will stand behind it. That book is closed."

I did not know what to say, and Gendry's reappearance could not have been better timed.

"Right then! Ready to go?" He asks cheerfully, completely unaware of the heart to heart conversation Jon and I shared. That is for the best, without a doubt. This was for not meant for any ears other than mine.

"Ready when you are." I smile.

* * *

I was right when I guessed that the journey back to Winterfell would last less than the one to the Wall. This time around, we had a Northerner on our side. A Northerner who knew where he was going.

I was also right when I predicted that the journey back would be far more comfortable.

I still had plenty of problems to deal with, whether in reality or in my head, but I did not feel the pressure I felt when we went to the Wall. I had one task and it was fulfilled. It was easy for me to take a deep breath and calm myself down, pushing back the worry about Catelyn and her welcome.

With Jon and I "burying the hatchet", as Gendry said, I managed to enjoy the company I was in.

My first impressions about Jon were true; he does not say much. Gendry managed to make him smile, even laugh, every now and then, but for the most part, he was quiet. Friendly, but quiet.

And I finally started receiving proper lessons from him. Lessons that did not end with a sword to my chest and a snarky comment from either one of us. He was teaching me and he was equally as good as Ser Rodrick was; perhaps even better. Robb described him as a great swordsman, and that was before he went to the Wall, where he had to train and perfect his skills even more.

In a matter of hours, if not less, I will have to deal with a much bigger problem than improving my skills with steel.

I did not read Robb's letter to Catelyn and for the first time, I started to think that was a mistake. If I had read that, I would know how much she knows and I would know which game to play. Manipulating my mother by marriage was not something I thought I would ever do. Not to mention that Catelyn does not appear to me as someone who is easily manipulated.

She will hate me. She will despise me for what I did and having my husband's mother looking at me in hatred cannot be good for the wellbeing of my already troubled marriage. The only good thing is that my husband is the one that came up with it in the first place; his mother hating me would be his fault.

"Why do the two of you look like you are about to shit bricks?" Gendry asks.

"Gendry, I know we are friends, but language," Jon shakes his head, his face showing a mixture of a smile and a disgusted frown. "You are in the presence of a Queen.

"She does want to be called by her birth name." Gendry shrugs.

"One, _she_ can hear you." I say, twisting my neck to look at the two of them as they bicker behind me. "And yes, I do want you to call me by my name. Normally I would not have a problem with your language, Gendry, but that was bad. That being said, we look like we are shitting bricks because we are shitting bricks." I add, causing the both of them to laugh.

"But… why?" Gendry asks in confusion.

"You are a bastard as well, Gendry," Jon tells him. "Do you know your father?"

"I know… I heard who he might be, but I have never met him." Gendry tells him.

"Well, I knew who my father was," Jon explains. "He brought me to his home, raised me as his bastard son and made his Lady wife watch as I shared everything with his trueborn children. She never missed a moment to remind me of who I was and I doubt she forgot it over time."

"And I am the one bringing him to the door." I sigh.

"With a royal decree that makes me a true Stark and the heir of Winterfell," Jon adds. "Believe me, we have reasons to shit bricks."

"She seemed so kind," Gendry comments. "Lady Catelyn, that is."

"Oh, she is kind," Jon tells him. "She is a kind woman, an honorable one as well. She loves her children with all her heart and there is very little she would not do for her children. That is the problem. I am not her child. I was nothing more than a reminder of her husband's infidelity. Many men have bastards but only Eddard Stark would bring his home and raise him with his heir."

"Lady Catelyn is very dear to my heart," I speak up. "She has been nothing but kind to me and she helped me a lot. As I never had my husband come back from a war with a child in hand and as I fear the same, I cannot say that I understand how it feels. However, a child should not pay for the sins of their parents. We have all paid for it, all three of us. You more than I, of course, but we all have. As much as I understand her pain and betrayal, she did not act justly." I say.

If it was anyone other than Gendry with us, I would imagine that Jon would not enjoy this conversation. But Gendry, being a bastard himself, a bastard that led a much tougher life than the one Jon had, he could relate to what Jon experienced, at least in a way. And I wanted Jon to know I do not support Catelyn's behavior. In fact, I hope never to see or hear anything like that happen, ever again.

I am afraid that I will have to be the one that calms the tension and I do not know how I will do that without taking a side. For obvious reasons, I need to be on Jon's side. If I want the Kingdome to remain safe and to keep what could be a friendship, I need to be on his good side. And if I want my day to day life and my marriage to be as enjoyable as they could be, given the life I am leading, I need to be on Catelyn's good side.

I cannot take sides and yet I need to be on both sides. I'm afraid Robb did not consider this when he entrusted me with making his brother legitimate and taking him back home.

"I am not angry at her," Jon shakes his head. "She is the mother of my brothers and sisters. That is enough for me to… bury the hatchet." He said. It is proven now; Gendry influences us too much.

"Hopefully, so will she. We will find out soon enough." I sigh.

* * *

The horn sound that greeted us will be present in my nightmares for a long time. Whoever was on watch noticed the Queen returning, and they greeted us in all the proper ways. That right there was the reason I had to sneak out in the middle of the night.

I knew nothing of Winterfell. Did the people know where I went and what I had to do? Did they think I left in the dead of night with a blacksmith? In all fairness, that is exactly what I did. Although my motives might be different than the ones they imagined I had.

If Catelyn found the letters, and I have no doubt she did, I imagine she would have thought of a way to keep my escape a secret, to a certain extent. Even if she had no particular desire to protect me, she would do so to protect her son. And her son assured me that he will make her see sense.

It all falls down to Robb and whether or not he made his mother realize that she should not kill me.

As the gates open before us, I could feel my heart beating faster, just as it did when I was about to enter Castle Black. It was the same kind of nervousness I felt. I had no escape then and I had no escape now.

As we entered on our horses, I noticed everyone stopping whatever it was they were doing and turning to look at us. They were all looking, but no jaws hit the ground and no eyes went wide, not even when they laid eyes on Jon, a man they all knew well, a man they all recognize.

They must have known. Catelyn must have told them. As the people started bowing and kneeling, I felt relief, realizing that I was not seen as a traitor. And I soon saw the reason why.

Catelyn and Sansa were both standing in the courtyard, waiting for us. Even before I had a chance to dismount my horse, Jon and Sansa were already enveloped in a hug. I could hear Sansa cry and Jon saying words of reassurance, but I could not afford to pay attention to them; I watched Catelyn, who was looking directly at me. Taking a deep breath, I walk toward her.

"You nearly made my heart stop, Sophia," she tells me in a strict voice, once she was close enough; she spoke in a low voice, so that no one else could hear us. "To leave like that, without a warning…"

"Catelyn, I am sorry, "I tell her, shaking my head. I wanted to stand tall and proud and here I am now, all but begging for her forgiveness. "I did it for him. He asked me to do it and he asked me to keep it a secret. He reassured me that he would explain it all to you."

"So he did," Catelyn nods her head. "You are too young and have not been married long enough. A woman's duty might be to listen to her husband, but there is one more duty, a duty we do not speak of. A duty to know when to not listen to their husband's and listen to common sense." She explains. She does not look pleased with me. "I understand. I was angry but I am not angry anymore. You did it for him and you are back and safe. Everything else is… almost irrelevant." She tells me.

"You forgive me?" I ask, feeling a weight fall of my shoulders when she gives me a small smile. In a moment of weakness, I rush and hug the woman. I could cry with relief now.

"He is a Stark now?" Catelyn asks me, whispering in my ear. I nod my head. "So be it." She sighs as she lets me go and walks over to Jon, who only just let go of his little sister.

I was frozen as I watch the two of them exchange looks. I could swear my heart stopped for a moment.

"Lady Catelyn." Jon greets her. He stayed true to his end of the bargain, but that was a bargain he made with me, not with Catelyn. And I had no chance to bargain with Catelyn.

"Jon," Catelyn nods her head. I wait and I watch, praying to all the Gods I could think of; the New Gods, the ones I grew up believing in. The Lord of Fire, the one that was thrown on me, even if I never accepted it. And the Old Gods, the ones I accepted with my marriage. I silently prayed, hoping that the time has come for another hatchet to be buried. "Welcome back." Catelyn tells him. I could hear it in her voice; it was not easy for her to say this. She did so nonetheless and I believe Jon will find it in him to appreciate it. "Welcome back home, Jon Stark."

I am magical. I am absolutely magical. I can make alliances, I can make relationships stronger. I can make two arch enemies bury the hatchet and I can make men break vows.

It's a shame I cannot make my husband feel about me like a husband should.

Who needs love in a marriage when you are a Queen that managed to proclaim a bastard a trueborn, take him out of the Night's Watch without facing any consequences and see him make amends with the one person he never imagined he would make amends with?

I am magical. Just not magical enough, I am afraid.

"Sophia!" I hear a yell and my smile grows. _Now_ it was perfect.

* * *

I cannot say how long I stayed in the bath. All I know is that I stayed in it for too long. By the time I finally managed to make myself step out of it, my skin was wrinkled and the water was ice cold.

Once I was out, I wrap myself in a fur cloak I found in one of the drawers. It was Robb's, without a doubt. How poetic is it? Me, wrapping my naked body in his cloak as I sit next to the fire, reading the letters from him that have arrived while I was away.

I was away for one and twenty days. I had thirteen letters waiting for me. I read them all, as fast as I possibly could, taking in each word.

The first ones were filled with reassurance. He told me how he knows I could do it and how he would not send me if he didn't have faith in me. The next ones were filled with a bit of doubt; not in me, as he reassured me with his words repeatedly, but in himself. I could do it, he was sure of it, but was it smart of him to make me do so? By the end, they were apologetic. And the last one?

 _Sophia,_

 _I will try and put to words what I felt when I read your letter. Should I call it a letter? Really, you only bothered to write one simple sentence. Simple it was, but it carried a lot of meaning._

 _I don't think I will ever be able to thank you enough. For everything that you did, from the very beginning, but for this especially._

 _I waited for you to retreat, to try and find a way to save yourself. I waited for you to be quiet, to ignore me. I waited and waited, but it never happened. No matter how much you wanted to, and I know you did, you never closed the door on me._

 _And now you do this? Now you do the impossible?_

 _How will I ever be able to repay you for that? My actions are pale in comparison. You say I am fighting a war and I am the one doing the work? That may be true, aye. But you are the one that is picking up the pieces and building everything. Looking back at everything that I have done, I can only say that I do not deserve someone as capable as you. I do not deserve you, not after everything you have done._

 _You have accepted my family as your own. Mother writes me. I know she never informed you of this, but she writes me every day. I know what you have done since you got to Winterfell. I have heard it all, from you overseeing the workers that are rebuilding the walls, down to you playing in snow with your sister and the other children of Winterfell._

 _I feared the most that you would not consider it a home, and while that might be true, I know you've behaved as if it was the only home you have ever known._

 _I know you have a way with words and I thought that would be enough when you leave for Castle Black. It was too late by the time I realized that it wasn't. You did not know the land, you did not know the people you were going to speak to and you only had one man to keep you protected. A blacksmith at that, not a warrior._

 _It was stupid of me to organize it like that and it was an impossible mission. I have already come to terms with you being unsuccessful. Not because of your own capability, but because of my bad planning._

 _And then you do this. You bring Jon home. You name him a Stark. How long did it take you? A day? Two?_

 _I cannot say if you learned this from your father or if this is something you were born with. I still can't quite accept it as the truth. It sounds like a lie, even if I know it isn't._

 _Your capability might have exceeded my expectations, but it does not change that what I did was incredibly stupid. I hope you can forgive me. As I already told you, I cannot imagine how I would ever repay you for this. If you know how, by all means, tell me. I would do it this instant._

 _I hope you are back at Winterfell and reading this in the warmth of your chamber. Or is it mine? I do not know where you are._

 _Honesty has to be the best thing about you and I need you to be honest. I want you to tell me how Mother greeted Jon. I want you to tell me what you think of Jon and why do you think he agreed to do this. Tell me what you think, Sophia. You have yet to be wrong._

 _I might be leaving Dragonstone soon, if only for a little while. It is not set in stone yet, but the Lannisters have been traveling towards the Riverlands. I might have to stop them before they go too far North. Not only are we not sure in our next move, but I cannot write it here either, in case someone else gets a hold of this letter and not you._

 _No matter where I am, your raven will find me. Please, write to me. It has been too long._

 _The first time you wrote to me since our ways parted, you told me that it must be a bad thing, to start a marriage with an apology. Well, I am continuing that tradition._

 _Write to me soon,_

 _Robb_

My husband either has a very good memory, or he is keeping my letters close to him. I wonder which is the truth. Somehow I cannot imagine Robb reading my words with a foolish grin, memorizing the words I wrote. No, that is not Robb. Then again, can I even be sure of that?

I did not expect to cry. I was surprised when I noticed a tear falling over the letter, smearing the part where he told me that he knew I would be able to do it, before he realized that I wouldn't. I was not crying because I was happy. I was not crying because I was missing him either.

I was crying out of relief, knowing that I have not failed him, not as a husband and not as a King. I was crying because I was proud of myself. Robb and I shared the idea; at first, both of us thought I could do it, and as the plan started being realized, we both came to the conclusion that I was in, way over my head. Then, as we both thought it was over and done with, I actually succeed.

I cry as I finally allow myself to have one single moment of weakness.

Still wearing his cloak, I get up, grab a piece of parchment and a quill and I return to the little place by the fire. With my legs folded beneath me, I sit up and I try to write.

For a long time, no words come out of me. But once they flow starts, it becomes unstoppable.

 _Robb,_

 _You might be a King and I may be your Queen, but we are still young and stupid. I wish there was no need for me to say that, but it is the truth. In all fairness, I believe that the both of us are doing better than anyone could have imagined we would do, when this war started. Even the best make mistakes, and the two of us are, I'm afraid, far from being the best._

 _That being said, I was angry at you. If only for a little while. My own doubt, my self-doubt got the best of me and to you is where I directed it. I would not be able to do it, but I knew that from the start, had I not? It was all you, it was all your idea. Had you bothered to get to know me, you would have known that I had no chances of succeeding with this. Gods, I was angry. If you were in the near vicinity, I think you would not be able to recognize the woman you married._

 _Luckily for both of us, you were far away and my anger tends to fade as fast as it appears. After all, it was successful. When the plan is successful, should one really bother with the rest?_

 _We had no issues on are way there, nor on our way back. Gendry is a capable man. If we were in some kind of trouble, I believe he would be enough to fight it off. And in the return, we had Jon with us. The road was safe both times and we had no troubles._

 _I had to negotiate, both with Jon and with the Lord Commander. I can tell you know that neither one of them drew a hard bargain, which carries a lot of meaning. For one, Jon misses his family. He did not jump at the chance to leave the Night's Watch, which is understandable. I did not tell him that he is now a Stark, not until I practically already made a deal with the Lord Commander. That is not what made Jon join us, I can assure you. Of course, I am sure he is happy and glad, but he had the same look in his eyes that you had, when I first met you. When you were negotiating with my Father, before you agreed to take me as your wife, I looked at you and I noticed the desire for revenge. It was obvious, it was pouring out of you. And although you and Jon have very different eyes, I could see the same look in his._

 _Jeor Mormont wasn't as difficult to deal with as I expected him to be. It almost appeared as he knew that someone would come. He was surprised when I asked for Jon's leave, but he agreed to it after I offered what I did. A warning to you. This might be the part where you get angry at me._

 _I promised him men, once the war is over and you win. I also promised him food. I will send men to the Wall tomorrow morning, to bring food to them. The Night's Watch is only but a shadow of what it used to be, at least in the stories I heard. Jon told me more on our way to Winterfell. They are lacking men and good conditions. I ate their food, Robb. They need more. I realize that having an added cost was not something you were looking forward to, but we cannot turn our backs to them. Not only because of Jon, but because of our duty. If we are to rule North, I want us to rule well._

 _Having men of the Night's Watch starving, in broken castles with no one to guard them is not something we should allow. Of course, we are at war, and there is only so much we could do at this hour, but once the swords are lowered and once the blood stops pouring, we need to deal with this. I will send them food whenever I think I could afford it. Coin and men will have to wait._

 _I hope we do not clash at this. I do not wish to be going against you, but the words I write cannot do it justice; you have to see it just to realize in what ruins they are left._

 _You told me how you have never been to the Wall and I can tell you now, you should have gone. It is as magnificent as it is frightening. Jon took me all the way to the top of it, twice. Once at night, once in the middle of the day and I cannot say which was more terrifying. Standing there, at the highest point of Westeros, at the very top of the world… you realize just how small you are. You realize how little a crown means. I'm sad to say that the feeling fades, once you step down from it._

 _By the time we returned to Winterfell, all three of us, I was shaking with fear. I did not know how much of it you had the chance to explain to your mother, and after all, the way I left made it seem as if I ran away with a blacksmith. Add to that that I was bringing Jon with me. I was afraid of your mother, more than I was ever afraid of anyone._

 _Needless to say, it was irrational. She welcomed us with a small smile. I could tell she was not happy with the way I carried myself with the swift exit, but she forgave me. She and Jon did not run into each other's arms, but there were kind and polite to one another. From what Jon tells me, that was a pleasant change. The reunion between Jon and Sansa was heartbreaking. Sansa looked relieved and glad to be with her brother again. I think I saw a tear in Jon's eye, although I think he would never admit to that._

 _I did not have time for a proper conversation with anyone, since my sister ran out of the castle at that point. You know the power Shireen has over me. The moment I saw her, everything else was irrelevant._

 _Now, I am sitting by the fire, after taking the longest bath in my entire life. To answer your question, I am staying in your chambers, the ones you used before you left. I have to add my apologies. I may have borrowed some of your clothing. I might be leagues away from it, but I steel feel the cold of the Wall._

 _As soon as I rest, I will return to my duties. One night is all I ask for. Well, I am not asking for it; I am simply informing you of it. This was something I have never done before and I can assure you, I was not properly prepared for it. I doubt I will ever taste dried beef again._

 _Tomorrow, I will go and see what the walls look like now; I have been away for a while and I imagine that some progress has been made. I will talk to your mother about the costs and how much we can afford to send to the Wall. I will see how Sansa is doing and if Jon is happy to be home again. I believe I do not have to oversee Shireen. This place is doing wonders to her. For someone who has always been a frail child, the change about her is evident. Even without the presence of the sun, she has more color in her face. She has more meat on her bones too. I told you this before and now I am confirming it. She was never as happy as she is here. This is her home now, too._

 _I believe you have already done this, but if you haven't, I would advise you to write to Jon, as soon as you possibly can. While I have no problem with being the raven between the two of you, I believe you need to exchange words directly. After all, all that he heard from me, he needs to hear from your brother as well._

 _Now what do we do? We have only planed until this point. Does Jon stay here or does he join you? If he joins you, where does he join you? If you are not at Dragonstone by the time this letter reaches you, tell me, where Jon should go, if he is to go somewhere at all. If you are not at Dragonstone, I would rather not condemn him to the presence of my lord Father. You are married to his daughter and allied with him; Jon is not. Why would he go through the same torture?_

 _All jokes aside, let me know what you want us to do next. After all, I do my best work when I am following your directions. We're lucky I seem to be good at that. Better than both of us expected, it would seem._

 _I did not expect this letter to be this long. I suppose that I had a lot to say, having not written to you in detail for a while now. If I remember something afterwards, I will send you another raven. Until then, I expect an equally long letter in return. The last one truly was filled with apologies and I know you can do better than that. You might be at war, but your lady wife should not be disappointed?_

 _Just to make it clear, I accept your apology. I am not angry anymore, if I ever had a reason to be. A reason that was not caused by being cold and miserable, that is. I just wish I could talk to you in person. Letters are not doing it justice. All the letters we have exchanged so far, we could say all those things to each other by nightfall. We have no other choice, I know. I just wish it was different._

 _I need you more than I ever thought I would, Robb Stark. I can say that now, when I couldn't truly say it before. Standing on top of that Wall really changed the way I look at everything. Small and irrelevant in comparison, that is all we are. If we are so small, why should I feel shame in admitting that I miss you?_

 _What is next for me, for you, for us, I truly cannot say; that is something you must do in my stead._

 _As I was writing this, I thought of ways you could repay me. I can confirm it now. You are one lucky man, as your wife is a humble woman. The only thing I want is simple, and I have faith that for you, it will be easily achievable. Don't get yourself killed. That is all I want._

 _I hope your eyes are not too tired by the time you get to this line, so that you can reply at once. Or leave me waiting. It's not like I could ever know the truth._

 _Oh, and you will need to knight Gendry once the war is over. I will explain it when we meet again._

 _Write me soon and be safe._

 _Yours,_

 _Sophia_

I want to send the letter straight away, but I do not want to move from this place. I would have to get dressed and to walk all the way up to the highest tower in this part of the castle.

If Robb is going to battle, and his letter tells me that that is the plan, I need this letter to reach him as soon as possible. I cannot delay it simply because I did not feel like getting out of the chambers and going for a very short walk.

So I change and I walk out, hoping I would not run into anyone on my way there and back. I do not feel the particular desire to speak to anyone. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I even do not want to speak to my sister. I just need to be alone with my thoughts, if only for one night.

They knew it. No one protested, not Catelyn, not my sister. My lucked served me well, as I managed to send the letter to Robb and return to the chambers, without being noticed by anyone. There, I simply crawled into the bed and just stayed there, fully awake, thinking.

Things are about to change, and I can only hope that change for the better. If Robb moves away from Dragonstone, in order to stop Lannister forces from reaching the North, what will happen with the plan of taking King's Landing? I do not know enough to panic, but I cannot contain the worry.

I kept asking him, over and over again, to make sure he returns home, when he was in no real danger. What do I say now, now when I know that his life will be at risk?

I wish I could put to words just how much I don't want to lose him. I could never do it justice because I could not use the word love. It's not fear either. I have accepted that fear when Father decided to go to war for something that was rightfully his. When I married Robb, I simply added to that fear. And yes, I have accepted it. If I end up alone, I will do my best. I cannot say whether that would be enough or not, but I will do my best.

I just don't want to be alone. I accepted this man, I accepted his family and although it was not something I was particularly looking forward to, but I did it. And I do not want it to change.

A knock on the door startles me. I have been alone for long enough, it would seem.

"Come in," I say, no matter how much I wanted to pretend to be asleep. I don't bother to sit up, and when the door opens, I smile. If there is a person that would not leave me alone to rest, it would have to be my sister. "You couldn't wait one day?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"Come over here," I say, moving to the side of the bed. Shireen jumps onto the bed and lies down next to me. "You didn't miss me too much, did you?" I ask.

"No, not at all," she laughs. "Yes, I've missed you. But you were not away for that long, I think. I imagined you would be away longer. Everything was alright, while you were gone. Lady Catelyn did have a frown on her face, but she was not smiling that often before, was she?" she tells me.

"No," I sigh, knowing that Catelyn only ever had a sad expression. Even when she would smile, one could see the sadness in her eyes. Losing a husband, fear for her son and not knowing where most of her children are and if they are even alive? That leaves a mark. "Well, I'm back now. What did you do while I was away?" I ask her, choosing to talk about something less troubling.

"The same as I did while you were here. I would play, read, do some needlework. Sansa's teaching me, she is really good at it," her face lights up.

"You get along well with her, don't you?"

"Yes. She is a very nice person," Shireen tells me. "Lady Catelyn has been happier since she got here. If only the other children would come back home as well."

"We all hope for that, little one," I smile at here. "Last we know, all of them are alive. Now we can only hope that we will find them, or that they will find their way home on their own. And Robb will come back once he wins." I say.

"I hope you are right," Shireen smiles up at me. "It will be nice to see them happy. Now, what is the Wall like?" She asks me.

After so many years, I finally had new material to use, new stories to tell. I tell her all about the Wall and what it looked like, knowing I could never do it justice with my words. I even tell her about Gendry shouting from the top of it. I cannot say for how long I was telling her my story, but before I got to the end, she drifted off, falling asleep next to me.

Smiling, I cover her in furs and I move further away from her, so that both of us could have more space. Not long after, I fall asleep, finally comfortable after days of cold and hard ground.

* * *

Six horses, six men and three wooden carts full of food pass through the courtyard and through the gates as Catelyn and I stand and watch. I could not afford to wait for Robb's response. With the risk of him completely disagreeing with my decision, I follow through with my promise to Lord Commander Mormont. I can only hope that Robb will be reasonable enough to understand why I did what I did.

For one, I made a promise. I gave Lord Commander Mormont my word. Being a Queen and above all else, an honorable woman, I must keep my word. Not to mention that the Night's Watch needs our help. If Robb protests, I will stand my ground. Still, I would rather avoid it.

"The last time we spoke to Benjen, I heard him say that the Night's Watch is having many difficulties," Catelyn speaks up. "Ned worried about that, always. We are close to them. Starks have been honorable members of the Night's Watch for many years, we have always helped them. We might be at war now, but we cannot turn our backs to them now." She tells me.

"I hope your son thinks the same." I admit. While I appreciate her supporting my decision, it is Robb whose opinion I fear.

"Sophia, it is time you stop worrying about what Robb will say," Catelyn tells me and I look at her in surprise. I never expected I would hear Lady Catelyn say that; it makes no sense. "He sent you hear to rule. A time will come when the two of you will rule together, and when that time comes, you will have to agree on everything. But now, you are ruling here alone and he is doing the same down south. You have no choice. Even if he doesn't agree, he will understand." She tells me.

"You might be right, Lady Catelyn, but I do not want to do him wrong," I shake my head. "I still do not know him, not as well as I should. We are building our trust and while we are yet to experience troubles with that, I do not want to appear as if I am doing whatever I want to do, while he is away."

"You think he doesn't trust you?" Catelyn asks me in surprise.

"He trusts me, I know that," I shake my head, as that is not what I was trying to say. "To some extent, he does trust me, but I cannot say if that is enough. For all I know, he trusts me enough to take care of Winterfell, but he does not trust me to be loyal to him and not to Father."

"You can be loyal to both."

"Aye, I can," I agree. "And I am. As true as that is, how can I know that Robb isn't worried about the possibility of me turning on him? Anyone who knows me knows I would never do that, but Robb does not know me. I am proving myself, every day. And I want to keep doing it, if that is needed." I say.

"Dear Sophia," Catelyn shakes her head at me, offering me a soft smile. "You should not waste your worry on such things. He trusts you. Believe me when I say it, he trusts you."

"Why do you say that which such certainty?" I ask. I know Robb is close to his Mother, but I do not see him talking to her about this.

"He tells you more than he tells me," Catelyn smiled. "You have received twice as many letters and that's the way it should be. I know my son, Sophia. He would never leave Winterfell in the hands of someone he doesn't trust completely."

"You might be right, but I will believe it when I hear it from him." I say. "If I may be excused." I say. Knowing that what I did might be considered rude, I turn around and make my leave. I cannot speak to anyone about this, let alone Catelyn. I need to be alone.

Catelyn has been my biggest ally, ever since I became a part of her family. Not only was she a good listener but she gave advice. Good advice, at that. She helped me every step of the way, starting from adapting to Winterfell, right to accepting the decisions I made on my own.

I could talk to her about anything, but I cannot talk to her about this. Not when it is her son we are talking about. It is bad enough for me to admit my deepest worries to someone. And admitting them to Catelyn? Yes, she has been a friend to me, a mother figure of sorts, but she is Robb's mother. There is no doubt in my mind that she would take Robb's side and not mine, if need be. As she should. After all, she is his mother and my friend.

I cannot have Robb knowing the truth.

The Stark honor. That would explain everything. A Stark stays true to his word, a Stark never breaks promises, a Stark does whatever is the right thing to do. Yes, they do. Eddard Stark did, that is.

Robb broke his promise for me. Robb gave his word to Walder Frey and he did not stay true to that word, only to marry me. How can I describe Robb as someone who is honorable at all times, when he was not honorable when he married me?

No, he is not as honorable as people think. And yes, he might not trust me as much as he would like to.

But he did leave me in charge of Winterfell. Catelyn seems to think that is proof enough.

And his letters. Gods, I read those words so many times. There wasn't a trace of doubt in them. He trusted me with his brother, he trusted me with a secret.

Gods, what is wrong with me? Why do I doubt him when he did nothing to make me do so?

"Sophia?"

I wipe away my tears before I turn around, but it was already too late. Jon saw me crying, I could see it on his face. Men have a tendency to panic when they see women crying. Jon is no different.

"Yes?" I ask, pretending, even if I know my act is useless. "How are you, Jon?"

"I'm good," He responds, frowning. "How are you? Did something happen?" he asks. Well, there goes my foolish hope that he would pretend as if he saw nothing.

He is no better than Catelyn. Robb is his brother and who am I?

"I write to Robb all the time," I say, looking away from Jon. "Some letters I send, some I burn, some I keep, with no intention of sending them. I write him almost every day. I only wrote my Father once, when I first arrived here. Only one letter."

"I… I don't know what to say to that," Jon tells me after a long silence. "Perhaps that is what happens when daughters marry and move away. You are no longer a child. You do not need your father as much as you did when you were younger. Now, you need your husband."

"Yes, I do," I agree. "I am… I am losing my mind over here, Jon. Whatever I do, I wonder if he would agree. Whatever move I make, I wonder if he would agree. Ever since we went our separate ways, all I have been doing… I question myself every day, all day long. I feel… tied down. Gods, I just want to talk to him!" I snap and Jon jumps up, as my voice was close to a shout. "I just need him to tell me that I am not going to ruin everything."

"You are not going to ruin everything," Jon tells me and I actually smile at him.

"Thank you, Jon, even if you simply said it to make me feel better. Thank you, but I need to hear it from him. And the ravens never seem to come fast enough."

"If that is not enough, you should speak to him in person," Jon tells me and I roll my eyes. He says it like it is something I can do every day. "I'm serious," he tells me when he notices my reaction. "You tell me he's going to Riverrun. Riverrun is not that far from Winterfell as you might think it is."

"Jon, I can't simply leave Winterfell whenever I want to. I am here for a reason."

"Sophia, you really look like you need to have a conversation with him. Winterfell would survive without you for a week or two. I might be going to Riverrun as well, if that is what Robb wants me to do. We could go there together and you could finally get the… reassurance you need."

"That might be what I need, but I do not think it is a good idea." I admit.

"Ask Robb. We'll see what he thinks."

"No," I shake my head. "I don't want him to know about this. I can't leave Winterfell again."

"Sophia, you really can," Jon shakes his head. "You are just afraid to do that."

I don't even want to know what he thinks I might be afraid of.


	30. Chapter 30

**Hello you guys! :)  
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 _Sophia,_

 _I am relieved to hear that you are not angry at me. You are right; we are young and at times, stupid. Just as you are right about us doing our best. When I told you to go to the Wall, I did not consider the danger you would be putting yourself in. I thought of North as my territory, therefor safe for my Queen to travel. And it was, luckily for both of us. That doesn't make it a less stupid decision, unfortunately._

 _I am intrigued by your words. I would not be able to recognize you when you are angry? If that is the case, I must do my best not to anger you again._

 _Jon is a good man. Making him a Stark was a right thing to do. I did not do it to convince him to join us. I did it so that Winterfell will have a ruler, if I die. I did it because it was the right thing to do. He grew up as my brother and it was time for him to be accepted as my brother._

 _I was right about your capability to negotiate. Not everyone could make Stannis Baratheon see sense and make an alliance with a man he called a sworn enemy. If you could do that, I knew you could convince Jon of coming back home, as well as the Lord Commander that that is the right thing to do._

 _Jon loved Father as much as I did, and the time has come for me not to be alone in our fight for revenge. We will do it together, as we should have done it from the start._

 _I am angry at you, but not because of the deal you made. I am angry because you thought I would get angry at you for that. Do you really not know me well enough? To begin with, it is not a bad deal. They need men and by the time the war is over, there will be plenty of prisoners and those guilty of crimes. I would rather have them serving a greater purpose than being rotting corpses._

 _Even with food, we cannot let them starve. It might be difficult for us to cover that as well, but we cannot have the brothers of the Night's Watch starving to death. Do what you must. Speak to mother, she will know more about the coin than I do, as of now. All I know is that we have it and that we owe no one. If need be, I will speak to the Iron Bank of Braavos. So long as we rule, they will not starve._

 _One day, when we meet again, you will tell me more about the Wall._

 _I am glad to hear that mother was nice to you. I took all the blame. The words she sent me were not as tough as I expected them to be. If she is not blaming me, she will not blame you either. She and Jon have their differences and I understand both sides. They do not need to love each other, or to be the best of friends. All they need is mutual respect, and I believe they will be able to reach it. Jon was never a problem when it comes to that, so I am asking you now, if you see mother being disrespectful to him in any way, please, write me. That has to stop, immediately._

 _You cannot imagine how nice it is to hear that life at Winterfell is better than it was before. Hearing how Sansa and Shireen both seem to be doing well makes me happy. We might be at war, but with all that has happened, at least the two of them will have a chance to lead a normal life._

 _I wrote to Jon and I imagine his letter will arrive at the same time yours will._

 _I want him to join me. Not at Riverrun, but in the Riverlands. The Lannister forces are still at Highgarden and I am on my way to the Riverlands. We will wait for them, and when we meet them, I need Jon at my side. It will not happen yet, we still have time. Jaime Lannister will not march at us at once, we know it. They do not know how strong the alliance between us is. They might not even know of our marriage._

 _Your father will stay at Dragonstone. If his help is needed, he will join me in the Riverlands. I wish I could tell you more about our plan, but it is not safe. All you need to know is that we will be at Riverrun at some point, and I need Jon to join us before that._

 _All that you need to do now is to look after Winterfell. And not to worry as much as I do. I can read it, in your words, and both mother and Sansa told me that you seem to wear a frown at all times, even when you smile at your sister. That is not what I want, Sophia. You did not frown as much at Dragonstone._

 _You continue to surprise me, with every letter. It has gotten to the point where I do not know what to say to you anymore. I report to you about my whereabouts and things of importance that have occurred since my last letter, but when it comes to the rest, I do not know what to say._

 _It was easier when you faced the same troubles. What I like about you is that you speak honestly, even when you do not feel comfortable while doing so. That is why I will admit to something._

 _When I read your words, when you said that you missed me, I caught myself, grinning like a fool. I was surprised by it myself, and I can imagine your surprise as you read this, but it is the truth. While I don't like the fact that you miss me and while I wish I was by your side, I felt… proud? Content, even?_

 _It was the confirmation I never knew I needed, I believe._

 _I mean something to you. Not as a King, not even as a husband. I mean something to you as a man, a person that I am. By some miracle, this fool that I am, managed to impress the woman I believe to be the least impressionable woman in all of Westeros._

 _If I could, I would pat myself on the back. Nice work Robb, I would say. She might even like you._

 _The truth of the matter is, I miss you as well._

 _I have very few people to speak to. I would trust my men with my life, but I would never trust them with my secrets, my fears and worries. You I would trust with anything. And I miss having that person next to me. I miss our conversations. Especially when you would say something you definitely should not be saying. I still laugh when I remember you commenting on the relationship between your parents._

 _I miss that person. It does not hurt that that person is beautiful, if memory serves me right._

 _Gods be damned, I even dreamt of you the other night! Trust me when I say this, you are not the only one missing something. I hope your grin now is as wide as the one I had when reading your last letter._

 _You never cease to surprise me, Sophia, but I knew you were a humble woman._

 _I shall do my best to grant your one request. After all, I wish the same, even if it's not for same reasons._

 _See, at the beginning, I wanted to come back because that would mean I avenged my father. I wanted to come back because I want to be at Winterfell, my only home. Because I want to be with my family. And that has stayed the same, it did not change. But every now and then, I catch myself realizing that I want to come back not only because of that, but because I want to come back to you as well._

 _There you have it. I thought I would feel relief when I write this, but I actually feel worse. For one moment, it felt good to get it all off my chest. Then I realized you will read this and I will never be able to see your true reaction. It doesn't matter how fast you write back, you can hide it with ease. Yes, now I definitely feel worse than I did before._

 _You had to hear it, either way. Perhaps I needed to say it as well._

 _I do have a question. Why should I knight Gendry? Making you laugh is not a reason why someone should get a knighthood, Sophia. We need to be serious, and look at our duties in such a way. On that note, if you ask me really nicely, I'd agree to it in a heartbeat._

 _Be safe and write to me soon._

 _Yours,_

 _Robb_

"Oh no," I hear Shireen say, and when I look up at her, I see a frown. "You have that look again."

"What look?" I frown back at her.

"Oh, is it the look you told me about?" Sansa asks my sister, who nods, and the two start to laugh as I watch the exchanged in complete confusion. "I see it now. You were right."

"What are the two of you laughing about?" I ask, fully aware that I probably don't even want to know the answer to that.

"I can always tell when you get a letter from Robb," Shireen grins at me. "You always have a smirk, your mouth always moves to the left and you smirk as you read the letter. And when you're done, you look away, looking sad and happy at the same time."

I am impressed by Shireen's ability to notice such fine things. And I am embarrassed to have her point it out, especially in front of my husband's sister.

"Don't the two of you have anything better to do then to watch me read letters?" I snap.

"She's not even denying it," Sansa exchanges a smile with my sister. "I can confirm that Robb had almost the same expression when he read your letters. Young love is such a beautiful thing, isn't it?"

"Alright then," I sigh as I stand up, folding the letter. "I have better things to do than to listen to this."

"Where are you going?" Shireen asks with a worried look on her face. I can tell that my little sister is worried about hurting my feelings with her comments. I'm not hurt. Embarrassed yes, but not hurt.

"I need to speak with Lady Catelyn and Jon about something very important."

"Did something happen?" Sansa asks, looking worried as well. After all, the two guessed correctly, and I was reading a letter from Robb. I could understand Sansa's worry very well; what if something bad happened and Robb had just informed me of it?

"No, not really, but I am leaving," I tell them, earning a surprised look from the both of them.

"Where are you going?" Shireen asks.

"To the Riverlands," I tell them with a sigh. "I'm going to Robb."

* * *

"Now, let me get this straight," Gendry starts and Jon and I exchange knowing looks. We knew this was going to await us and we were ready for it. "The two of us go to The Wall, trying to get you out of some sacred vow you swore. By some miracle, she actually manages to get you out of there. We freeze our asses for more than 20 days, we finally get home and not even a week later, you snatch me away to go to you on another journey. Again freezing and again hungry. May I know why?"

"Because your Queen told you to," Jon tells him and I try to hide my laughter. My attempt was not successful, as my whole body was shaking with laughter.

"Ah, to hell with both of you!" Gendry snaps, and this time, I don't even bother with hiding it. Jon laughs with me as Gendry gets more irritated by the second. "But seriously, what in the name of Gods were you thinking? We get you out of that Gods forsaken place, so that Winterfell could have an heir in case anything happens to the King or you," he says, pointing his finger at me. "And now, all three of you, all three of Winterfell's heirs will be in the same bloody place! Fuck logic, because why not?"

This alone could have been reason enough for us to bring Gendry on our little journey. He held no restrain now, and I was proud of it. At least one person in this wretched world didn't walk on eggshells around me and that was a relief. Besides, Jon claims Gendry has good upper body strength, enough to help us defend ourselves if danger should come our way.

"I will not be with them for good," I explain. "Perhaps even only for a day."

"You are joking, aren't you?" Gendry asks, urging his horse to speed up, so that he could walk beside me. I could see now, as he looked at me as if I was completely insane. "You plan to cross half the land only to stay there for one day?"

I would stay longer, ideally. Not too long, as I do have to go back to Winterfell and rule. Not to mention what Gendry already pointed out. If we went through all this trouble to have a secure heir, how idiotic would it be of us to stay in the same place through the entire war?

Ideally, I would stay for seven days, before I would leave for Winterfell again. That is what I hope for. What I am afraid of, of course, is of my husband sending me away.

Robb knows nothing about me joining Jon. I have asked Catelyn and Jon to keep it a secret and I believe they will. Not because I wish to surprise Robb, but because I do not wish anyone to find out about it. if one of us writes it in a letter, and the letter ends up being intercepted by enemy forces, who's to say that we will not be ambushed on our way to the Riverlands?

For all I know, he will react the same way Gendry did. He would call it idiocy and send me away. If he does that, I will understand. It is idiocy. But I need to speak to him. Once I speak to him, he can send me away wherever he bloody well likes.

"I don't know, Gendry," I say, shaking my head. "I will see how long I will stay. All I know is… I need to be there and I will never have a better opportunity now, given that Jon is going as well."

"And what of me? Will I go to war or return to Winterfell?" he asks.

"I have not thought about it," I admit. "Whatever you wish, I suppose. I have a suspicion that Robb will not let me to travel back with only one person. If you desire to stay, you can stay. And if you want to return to Winterfell, there will always be a place for you there."

"Let's get there first, in one piece," Jon speaks up. "Then we can make plans."

"Aye, Lord Stark," I mumble, earning a glare from Jon. This time around, it was Gendry who was laughing. Jon did not like me calling that. At first, I called him that as a jest. Now, I did it as a jest as well, but Jon should better get used to it. Now, he is a Lord and he has always been a Stark. If he has a problem with hearing that, he'd sooner get used to it.

"I truly should have gone on my own." he shakes his head at me, while Gendry and I laugh.

"Do we even know where we're going?" Gendry speaks up.

"To the Riverlands."

"Um, Your Grace, I'm not sure if you are aware of this, but the Riverlands are a mighty large piece of land." Gendry tells me, using my title in the same way I used Jon's. I should start calling Gendry "Sir".

"I know," I sigh. "And we do not know where exactly we are going."

"How come?" Gendry asks. I was hoping he would leave it be.

"We cannot put it into letters," Jon explains. He has more patience than I do and I am glad he takes over this explanation for me. "If the letter ends up in wrong hands, we'd all be in trouble. We would risk our lives and we would risk uncovering Robb and his war camp location." He explains.

"So, you are trying to tell me that neither one of you has any idea where we're going, but still, we are traveling freely in the time of war?" Gendry asks, talking unusually slow. He is a fast speaker usually.

"Yes." Jon confirms.

"We are all dead. We are dead. We are beyond dead."

* * *

The journey was different, just as the road was. I already took this road once and I knew it would be far more comfortable than the one we took to Castle Black.

To begin with, there was no snow around us. The weather was not warm, not by any means, but it was not snowing, and that was relief enough. The ground wasn't too cold for us to sit on them and the wind wasn't cold enough to bother us as we rode our horses, down into the Riverlands.

We do not have an exact location, but we have a damn good guess as to where Robb could be.

It was simple, really. We have three points, all three of them Jon and I agreed on. One is Dragonstone, the place which Robb already left. The second one was Riverrun, Robb's ultimate goal. Going to Riverrun would be far easier than this guessing game we had to play, but Robb made it clear to Jon that he wants them to meet up before he reaches Riverrun.

Between Dragonstone and Riverrun, we have the entire Riverlands, which doesn't leave us with a solid guess. However, we also have a third point on the map. A location which Robb would want to avoid by all means: The Twins.

Jon had no idea that Robb was once promised to another woman, and he found it out for me, when I had to explain just why Robb would want to avoid The Twins at all costs. I could tell that Jon was surprised by it, even if he said nothing. I was glad he did not comment on it. It was not something I had a particular desire to speak about either.

With Robb avoiding The Twins, which I am fairly certain he would do, we know more about where he could be going. Knowing he would be smart enough to keep to the side and not march directly through the land, letting everyone see all of his military power, Jon was certain he knew where we should go.

And I followed Jon blindly.

What can I say? I am a better follower than I am a ruler.

I followed Father and I was ready to follow him into the deepest, darkest hole he was heading into before I convinced him to make a deal with Robb. Once married, I started following Robb in a same way. Now what do I do? I follow his brother. Yes, he is a smart and brave man and yes, I have every reason to follow him, but not once, not once since I became a Princess, not once since I became a Queen, have I led and not followed.

I doubt Stannis Baratheon had this in mind when he handed me over to Robb. Perhaps he thought he had raised a stronger woman. I know I did.

Knowing I have no reason to doubt him, but only myself, I follow Jon. I am, again, a follower.

Gendry kept on complaining all the way down. We passed the Neck without being intercepted, which I was expecting. Our whereabouts are not known. The only people who knew about our journey south are the ones we left behind in Winterfell. Robb is only expecting Jon, but even if he told his men, very few people would expect someone to come all the way down from Winterfell. I would have expected the road to be more secure than it was. We saw no one as we rode down, with Gendry complaining.

I will have to speak to Robb about this. If we could easily pass through the invisible border that divided the North and the Riverlands, who's to say that no one passed it in the other direction?

Robb and I are, officially, King and Queen of the Riverlands as well. It would be understandable if they let their Queen pass, but how many people even know what I look like? How many people have seen me and know I am the Queen? I cannot explain it, but I do know that I do not like it.

"We should be close." Jon comments, as if he could hear my thoughts.

"Lucky guess?" I wonder.

"Yes," he admits. "But I know my brother."

"Well, I hope you are damn well right," Gendry complains. "I'm tired of dry beef."

"You complain as if we are eating the finest of cakes while you are starving," I roll my eyes. "We are hungry and tired as well, Gendry. You do not hear us complaining every step of the way."

"True. Because the two of you have some strange desire to torture yourself." He tells us. Not even a day after we left Winterfell, Gendry came up with a theory that would explain just why we are doing this.

The fact that Jon needed to join his brother and that I need to speak with him simply wasn't good enough for Gendry. No, not even close. His theory states that Jon and I both have the same problem, and that is that we need to torture ourselves all the time. For example, we would pack our bags and leave on a dangerous quest. Or, if we do not do that, we worry in silence. Gendry already teased Jon for his perpetual frown, and this only added to his theory.

I rolled my eyes at it, but a part of me wondered if Gendry might actually be right.

"You used to be fun." Jon comments and I chuckle. It was not a wholehearted chuckle. I had no strength or joy in me to properly laugh.

"And you never were." Gendry bites back.

"Stop!" a voice carries. I knew both of my companions well enough to recognize their voices, and this voice did not belong to either one of them.

All three of us stop at once. I feel my heart racing and when I look down at my hands, pulling the horse reigns, I see them shake. I look over to Jon, careful not to turn my head in his direction. I catch him from the corner of my eye, looking at me in the very same way. I could not see Gendry at all.

We cannot say who we are. While they may be our people, they can also be the enemy.

"Who are you?" the voice demands. I take back my thoughts. It would appear that whoever was guarding this land, actually did pay attention to who was passing.

"We are traveling south." Jon speaks up. Once again, a Queen stays silent.

"Where from?" the voice asks.

"From north." I say.

"Smart one, are ya?" the voice asks and I close my eyes, already thinking I would be executed on some side road in the Riverlands. I hear the hoofs before I see them. When I finally open my eyes, I see two men, boys, probably even younger than the three of us. And on their shield was the direwolf sigil.

"Oh Gods be good," I sigh in relief.

"Save your prayers, wench," one of them speaks up. I turn to Jon and before I could stop myself, I start laughing. The relief and the thought of this boy finding out who he was speaking too was simply too much. Even Jon, who doesn't smile much, had a smile as he was shaking his head.

"What's so funny?" the boy yells and as I open my mouth to explain, we hear horses. Seconds later, we see three men approaching. Two I did not know and one I did. I recognized one of Robb's closest bannermen, Galbart Glover. I watch him as his eyes go wide when he sees and recognizes me. Yes, not many people know me, or how I look like, but I was lucky to run into one of them.

"What is the meaning of this?" Galbart Glover asks, looking at the boys in complete surprise. "What in the name of Gods are the two of you doing?" he asks.

"Protecting the road, Lord Glover," one of the boys proudly announces, still looking directly at me. I am fighting an urge to laugh again. Lord Glover looks at me and back at the boys, speechless.

"Lord Glover," I sigh. "It is nice to see you are well. I apologize for our… unexpected appearance, but it was of great urgency. May I speak to my husband?" I ask. The two boys look in surprise at our exchange, but I decide not to pay attention to them anymore. We are here. We are finally here and after all this time, I will finally speak to Robb. I feel too much relief to feel anything else.

"The King left for Riverrun not that long ago," Lord Glover tells me. Of course, it was too good to be true. "He should be back by nightfall, Your Grace."

"Your Grace?" one of the boys asks in surprise, looking between me and Lord Glover.

"Yes." I confirm.

"You are speaking to your Queen, you dimwit!" Lord Glover tells him. It was truly amusing to see the utter fear in his eyes when he realized that he just called his Queen a wench.

"Your Grace, please, accept my…"

"No, no, no. Do yourself a favor and shut up," I sigh. "At least you were keeping an eye on the road. A word of advice, boy. Do not insult a woman. A Queen doesn't deserve an insult no more than a wench does." I say. He wants to speak up again, but I turn my attention to Lord Glover. "The King will be back by night wall? He will not stay in Riverrun?"

"Yes, Your Grace," Lord Glover confirms. "He went to speak to Lord Edmure."

"We will wait for him, then," I sigh, looking back at Jon. "Would it be too much to ask for a plate of food and a… cold bath, for the three of us?" I ask. I did not wish to point out the fact that Jon is now officially a Stark. I do not know if Robb informed his men of this, and if he chose not to do so, the last think I want to do is to ruin it with my fast tongue.

Lord Glover doesn't need any more information than the one he already has. He knows I'm his Queen and he sees that I have traveled south with two companions. And all three of us are hungry.

"Of course, Your Grace," he tells me, giving me a worried look.

And I know why. I am the Queen of these people and I asked, very kindly, if I may receive something I most definitely have a right too.

I'll admit, I was theatrical, if only a little bit. Seeing as the two sharp tongued boys were still staring at me, a part of me wished to frighten them even more. And yes, I do prefer my people to actually like me.

"Lead the way, Lord Glover."

* * *

 **I REALLY wanted to name this chapter "Fuck logic, because why not" but I wasn't sure if I can actually put "fuck" in the title. Gendry Baratheon, First of his name, King of one-liners.**


	31. Chapter 31

***victory dance* Robb is back! Robb is back! Robb is back! Robb is back!  
Not much for me to say here. I hope you like it. I'll update soon. If you liked it, you know the drill :)**

* * *

All I knew about the tent I was in is that it did not belong to Robb. I do not know how Lord Glover managed to organize it all on such a short notice, but the moment I step foot in the war camp, I was taken to a large tent, with a plate of food waiting for me, as well as a surprisingly warm bath.

I never had a reason to imagine what would life in a war camp be like, but even if I had; this is not what I would have imagined. A warm bath? In the middle of the field? Is that not a luxury?

On the other hand, I am a Queen now. What I need, I get. The same goes for the King. While I did not exactly need carpets thrown before my feet, so that I avoid stepping into mud, they knew I was a Queen. I am not complaining, not at all, but it all seems… unnecessary? If we must save money, why in the name of Gods do we need such luxury in a war camp?

I take a bath, I get dressed, I eat the fruit and I sit and wait. Lord Glover said Robb should be back by nightfall. By my judgment, it is only mid-day now. I have a long wait ahead of me.

I had nothing to do here. Nothing to read, nothing to write, no one to talk to. Yes, I had the option of going outside the tent and go looking for Jon or Gendry, but we were on the same journey together. If I am tired, so are they. Not to mention that I do not want to go through the war camp. Most men do not know me, nor do they know that the Queen has arrived.

No, I was sentenced to the tent and I had nothing to do. Which, of course, meant I went to sleep.

* * *

When my eyes open, the first thing I notice is that it is much darker. No candles were lit and I could only barely see the inside of the tent, with the help of the little light that came through from the outside.

As soon as my eyes got used to the lack of light, I turn to my left and my heart nearly stops.

"Oh Gods!" I gasp, trying to catch my breath as I stare at the wolf that was sitting next to me. Despite my reaction, it does not move. No, it just sits there and looks at me, with those yellow eyes of his. "Damn you, Grey Wind," I sigh, still struggling to breathe. "You scared the life out of me."

He was a grown wolf now and I for one was glad he seemed to have recognized me. Or at the very least, remembered that I am one of the good ones. When he raises himself, he is taller than the bed I am on. He nudges my hand with his snout and I smile as I pet him.

"I would say I have missed you, but I don't think we're there quite yet," I smile and I swear, when he turns his head to me, he looks as if he could understand every single one of my words. While he may not scare me anymore, he still leaves me uneasy. "We'll get there, alright?" I say, making a complete fool of myself. I just felt the need to defend myself from the judgment in the wolf's eyes.

So long as he doesn't try to bite my hand off, I'm happy. And judging by the way he's been nudging my hand, he just wants to be cuddled. A beast, but a cuddly beast.

Perhaps I woke up because I have had enough of sleep, perhaps it was because I could feel Grey Wind's eyes on me. Regardless, I have had enough. And if I am well rested, so are Jon and Gendry.

I get up and find my own cloak, as Grey Wind watches me from the corner of the tent. I remember where Jon and I parted ways. Fully aware that on the outside, all of these tents look exactly the same, I decide to take my chances and hope that I could at least find the exact location, if not the exact tent.

When I step outside, I see that the night has not fallen yet; the sun has almost set. I notice that Grey Wind had chosen to follow me outside; I say nothing to him. he does not seem like the dog, or wolf, that would know the command of "stay", at least not if it was said by me, and not his master. He follows me as I make my way through the camp. Men were around, sitting outside their tents, having supper, talking or cleaning their weapons. Most of them do not even lift their heads to look at me as I pass and those who do look away soon enough.

I am impressed. Whether they know who I am or not, they are more focused on everything else.

I was wrong earlier; I have absolutely no idea where Jon could be, or which tent is his. They all really look the same; the distance between them is the same, as if someone measured the exact steps before they put up the next one. I stop in the middle of the path and turn around, looking for someone I know, someone I could recognize, so that I could ask them to take me to Jon.

As I look around, Grey Wind decided to leave me; at first, I say nothing. But then I see him just walking into one of the tents. Cursing under my breath, I follow him, hoping to get him away from there.

"Grey Wind," I call, but the wolf does not reappear. Sighing and hoping no one will see me, I walk into the tent. There, I see Jon. "Oh, there you are," I sigh. "I swear, that wolf knew I was looking for you." I shake my head in disbelief.

"Sophia?"

My blood freezes. I did not expect to remember his voice, or to recognize it instantly, but I do. Sure enough, when I turn around, I see Robb, looking as shocked and surprised as I felt.

He does not look the same. Yes, his face and eyes have not changed, but he had a longer beard now. And his hair was longer. It is him, I know it is, but at the same time, he looks… different.

"What are you doing here?" he asks, as I had not found the ability to speak up yet. One would think that with two weeks of knowing that I will see him would have been enough to prepare me for this conversation, but they were not. "Why haven't you told me anything?" he asks, looking at Jon. Ah, yes. Jon. Jon, who did not think it was relevant to warn me that Robb has returned.

"Why haven't you told me he was back?" I ask, turning around to look at him.

"How should I have known?" he asks, looking at us in turns? "You have only just gotten here and you might have wanted it to be a surprise…" Jon looks at us. I close my eyes and just visualize him throwing ground on me, as I lay in the whole he dug for me. Thank you, dear friend. Thank you for this.

"What… what are you doing here?" Robb asks me. The only consolation I had in this whole thing is that he looks to be equally nervous as I am. I just don't know what my excuse is. He wasn't expecting me here and I knew fully well, for more than 20 days, that I will be here, in this situation. And I'm as silent as the Silent Sisters are. Having Jon witnessing our exchange was not helpful at all.

"I had to speak to you."

It was much more than that, but one sentence was not going to be enough. I look at him, waiting for him to tell me to go, to leave back for Winterfell at once. I wait for him to tell me that it was a stupid move to come here, that I never should have done it. If he was to say it, he would be right.

"Well, since the both of you are here, we might as well have supper and talk?" he suggests.

* * *

I drink my wine as I listen to Jon speak about one of their childhood adventures, with Robb interrupting him every few seconds or so, to say what was his version of events.

For the most part, I stay quiet. Almost the whole evening, I was quiet and listening to the two of them. The only time I spoke up was when Robb asked me what is it that I wished to speak about, to which I said that this was not the time, nor the place, for us to talk about it. Jon might know fully well about my insecurities, but I do not wish to speak about them with him present. It will be bad enough to admit them to my husband.

I stay silent while the two of them talk, laughing at the memories of their childhood.

As the two were drowned in their stories, I would sneak a look at Robb. Yes, he did look different. Older. It has been a while since I last saw him, but not long enough for me to be unable to recognize him. If he would cut his hair and shave his beard, he'd look exactly the same as he did the day I married him. He still is the same person, but seeing him like this and being with him like this, it did not feel as if he was.

It was as if I was seated with two of my friends, nothing more than that. Perhaps it is because time has passed and I simply forgot how to act when I am around him. Perhaps it was because of Jon, because of there was another person with us, when we were mostly alone before. Or the reason was because I have never seen him as happy as he was now, whilst talking about the memories he and his brother shared.

"He was never on time for anything," Jon tells me and I smile as I put my head down, resting it on the top of my hands as I lean on the table. "The only time he was not late was when King Robert visited Winterfell with his royal court." He adds.

"That's because mother would have strangled me with her bare hands if I was late," Robb explains with a smile. "As always, Jon is being overly dramatic. I never was that bad."

"Oh, yes, you were," Jon laughs. "You and Theon would always get in trouble."

He should not have mentioned Theon. His name was enough for all of us to fall silent. Theon's betrayal was not Robb's favorite conversation topic, for good reasons. Jon was not too happy about it either. He never asked me about him, and I never offered to give them the information of Theon being locked up in Winterfell. Robb knew he was there, but he did not know about my little conversation with his former best friend. Nor will he ever, as far as I'm concerned.

"And what about you?" I speak up, adamant to save this conversation. "What was your fault?" I ask Jon.

"He never smiles." Robb tells me.

"Ah, so not much has changed?" I ask, making both of them laugh. "If we didn't have Gendry on our way down here, I would have stabbed myself."

"Alright, alright," Jon rolls his eyes as Robb laughs and I smirk back at him, wondering what he'll say next. "You're in trouble with this one," he warns Robb while pointing at me. "Not only is she smart, but she can cut you down with words in the most elegant way."

"I know," Robb agrees.

"Alright, change of topic," I sigh, feeling unsure if that was a compliment or an insult. "I preferred when we were talking about the two of you."

"As you say," Robb agrees, turning to look at Jon. "What about Winterfell? You knew it then, you know it now. What does it look like? Is it the same? Are the people well?" he asks him. Of course he would ask Jon. Unlike me, he has known Winterfell in its prime. I've only known the rubble.

"It is recovering," Jon tells him. "People are well, the walls are being rebuilt. Before we left, they had started working on the last tower that needed to be rebuilt. Sophia is doing a good job," he tells him with a smile, before smiling at me as well. I return it, but I feel uncomfortable. If he was to compliment me and reassure Robb that he didn't marry some stupid girl, I would have preferred him doing it when I was not around. I never knew how to take a compliment. "I've seen the people. She is well liked. Old Nan adores her," he tells his brother and I smile at the mention of Old Nan. The woman was very old and very odd, but I have been told that she had known Robb and his siblings for their entire life; she was the one who tucked them in before sleep and who told them stories. I did not talk much to her, but I have a horrible feeling that Shireen sung my praises to her.

" _She_ is here and she is growing very uncomfortable." I warn them. "If you're going to inform him of my every move, do it while I'm not here. That way, you can also report on the negative." I tell Jon.

"I would, if there was anything to say," Jon laughs. "You are doing a good job and you know it. They all like and respect you. I cannot say what it was like before I returned, but I've seen it with my own eyes," he says, before turning to Robb. "Winterfell is in good hands, brother."

"Too much talk and not enough wine." I say, taking a big sip from my goblet. Hopefully now, they will understand that I truly do not feel comfortable. And it was such a lovely night too.

"I shall take my leave," Jon speaks up. I hope I hide my surprise. He seemed to be enjoying the conversation. Now, it looked like he was just trying to leave us alone. Which is probably exactly what his goal was. "As much as Sophia and Gendry made our journey here interesting, I am tired. We will speak more on the morrow. Brother. Sophia." He nods his head and Robb and I do the same. I smile at Jon, a smile which he returns before he walks out of the tent, letting the fabric fall as a makeshift door behind him. I almost wanted to stop him and beg for him to return, to not leave, to stay here all night. I knew I could not possibly say those words. I stay silent.

The truth of the matter is, I was genuinely afraid of being alone with Robb. Back in Dragonstone, we would be alone quite a lot. We would talk, walk and eat together. Some days, we discussed the war. Other days, we'd talk about regular, irrelevant things. It was not comfortable, not at first, but by the time we were to part ways, I quite enjoyed it. Now, everything is different. He is not the same man he was then, no more than I am the same as I was when we went our separate ways.

I try to reassure myself, thinking of the letters we exchanged and the words we said, but that does not help me. If anything, it makes me feel even worse. In the last letter I sent him, I told him I missed him. When he wrote back, he claimed the same. Those were not easy words to write, and knowing that I wrote them, knowing that he read them… it makes it impossible for me to look him in the eye. As we sit in silence, I can imagine he feels the same. We cannot live up to those words.

What do we say now? What do I say to him when I cannot even look at him?

One thing I know for sure. Coming here was a good idea. If he feels like a stranger after only a few months since we last saw each other, I do not even want to imagine what it would be like if a year has passed, or even worse, more than that.

"You must be tired as well?" he asks, finally speaking up. It did not help me too much, but at least now I could look up at him, even give him a small smile.

"I slept the whole day, since we've arrived here. I'm not tired at all," I tell him. His smile is small and I can tell that he is nervous as I am. "And you?"

"Wide awake."

"Jon exaggerated it," I admit after a long silence. "Winterfell is yet to fall apart on my watch, but I would not say I am doing a perfect job. It has become a lot easier since Jon joined us. He knows Winterfell and the people of Winterfell better than I do. He is loved there. With Catelyn and Jon by my side, it is easier. Sansa as well. It got easier." I tell him.

"Well, I never thought this day would come." Robb speaks up.

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused. "You did not think we would meet again?"

"No," he shakes his head. "I made a promise and I had every intention of fulfilling it," he tells me. I wait, no less confused than I was before. "I never thought I would be jealous of my brother."

Of all the words I expected to hear tonight…

"Well, I believe that is normal, between siblings," I say with a shrug. "You are away from home and you miss it. Jon was there, with your family. It is logical, I believe. Now, when you have Jon with you, that feeling will probably disappear." I tell him. I have never felt sibling jealousy, but my sibling is still a child. If Shireen and I were closer in age, I imagine things might have been different. Some rivalry often exists, but not when the older sibling has been acting as a parent. With Selyse alive and well, I am still the closest thing Shireen ever had to a proper mother.

"I'm afraid it is not that I am jealous of." Robb tells me after a long, uncomfortable silence.

"What is it then?" I ask. "That is, if you wish to tell me," I add, as I realize just how rude I sounded. "If you do not, we can talk about something else?" I suggest.

"It's you," Robb sighs. "I am jealous of the relationship he has with you."

I wait for him to laugh and tell me that he is just joking. I wait, but he does not do it.

"Robb," I start, unsure on what I want to say. It takes me a moment to find the right words. "You do know that there is no reason for you to feel that way, right?" I ask him.

"No," he jumps up, his eyes wide. "No, no, no. No. That is not what I meant. I do not… suspect anything," he tells me. I would lie if I would say that I did not feel relief. Having my husband thinking that I am attracted to his brother, or even worse, that we are having an affair… yes, that would be the worst possible thing that could have happened. "I know… It's not that," he shakes his head again. "He was in Winterfell with you. He is your friend; you got to spend time with each other. You laugh together and you jest with one another. You already know him better than you know me. He gets to build a connection with you and I do not. That is what I am jealous of."

I did not expect our conversation to turn this way. Yes, I thought that we might end up having an honest conversation while I am here, but I expected it to come at a time when I felt more comfortable with him. I am still getting used to him actually being right here, right next to me. I am not prepared to talk about topics like these, ones that would be difficult even if the situation was not.

"We have no choice," I shake my head. "If we did… if I could, you know I would follow you. I know that if you could, you would go to Winterfell, this instant. We have no choice. This is what we are served, Robb. I do not think it is fair and I do not enjoy it, but it is the way it is." I tell him. How come I am the one reassuring him when I am the one who needed reassurance to begin with? "I am not going anywhere. We will have time for all of it, once the war is over." I say.

I sound certain of my words, but it is not something I could possibly know. He might die tomorrow, on the battlefield. I might be shot with an arrow in the chest by the end of the week. I can sit here and promise him that we will have time for everything, but the truth of the matter is, I am only guessing.

"Do you know when I first heard of you?" he asks me.

"No," I shake my head. "I don't." It is a stupid question. How could I possibly know that? And why did he change the subject so fast? I can't keep up with him or his train of thought.

"It was before the war," Robb tells me. Now, this is a surprise. I never knew of him before. Yes, I knew Lord Stark had children and that the eldest one is a son, but that is all. I never expected him to know of me. "It was before Father left for King's Landing. King Robert wanted Joffrey to marry Sansa."

"I know, poor thing," I sigh, shaking my head. "I am still wondering if my Uncle was truly blind to see what kind of child Joffrey was, or if he knew it well, but did not bother to change him."

"Fortunately, that marriage never happened," Robb agrees. "But King Robert mentioned to my Father that he has a niece that is my age. As far as I know, they have never discussed it again. Father told me, he warned me, in case King Robert decides to make a proper deal out of it."

"I never knew," I admit. "Uncle Robert was never the one… Father would have been the one to make that alliance, but if Uncle Robert insisted, I imagine that Father would give in. No one ever told me about it. I suppose Uncle Robert died before he had a chance to mention it again."

I never knew, never. I doubt Father knew about it either. It must be something Uncle Robert thought about in the spur of the moment. He was in Winterfell, he wanted to connect the two houses in more ways than one. Myrcella, his daughter, would still be too young for marriage at the time. Knowing my uncle, he wanted everything done right away, as fast as possible; he would not have had patience to wait for his daughter to grow. I do not see Cersei allowing Myrcella to live in Winterfell, married to a Northerner. Uncle Robert wanted a quick solution and I was it. Only, he died before he made it official.

Father would have listened to him, without a doubt. He would see House Stark as a good house to make an alliance with. And in all honesty, who would dare and disobey King Robert Baratheon? Had the war not taken place, I might have ended up being Robb's bride anyway.

"Father wanted it to be my choice," Robb carries on. "I suppose because he never had a choice. Yes, he loved my mother dearly and yes, she might have been his choice either way, but he wanted to give me the opportunity to choose my own wife, even if both of us knew just how close to impossible that was. I wanted to have that choice as well, just as I would like for my child to have it one day. Little did we know that one day, I will have a choice. It would be my free will. And low and behold, I chose the same girl the King wanted me to marry."

"You are calling it a choice?" I ask him. I feel irritated. I know I shouldn't, I know it, but I still feel it. The way he makes it sound… it is as if the two of has have been destined to one another. As if he chose me because he loved me the moment he laid eyes on me, and not because I was the best offer, the better alliance. I do not blame him from choosing me for those reasons, but the very least I deserve is for him to own up to it. He did it out of gain. While there is nothing wrong with that, I can see plenty of wrongs with him acting as if he did it out of love.

"Yes," he tells me, looking unfazed. "I could have turned around. I could have done it and I think there still would be a strong chance of me winning this war."

"Robb, you know I have plenty of respect for you," I say, trying to find the words that are not too insulting. "However, being realistic about your own strength is necessary. Let's not pretend like you could end up a winner on your own. You couldn't. Neither could my father. You needed an alliance as much as he did. You could not have said no to that, even if you could have said no to a wife."

"And I ended up with a wife who does not hold back and always says it like it is." he smiles at me, shaking his head in disbelief. I let out a chuckle.

"Well, if you want me to lie to you… I can do my best."

"No," Robb tells me, no longer smiling. "I don't want that. The only thing I want right now… is to kiss you." he tells me.

Another conversation I was not expecting to start today.

"Are you waiting for my permission to do so?" I ask him.

"Aye."

"You don't need it," I shake my head. "You have that permission for good."

I am not even sure what I tried to say with that. He is my husband and that definitely gives him a lifelong permission to kiss me whenever he wants to. Also… long gone are the days when he had to walk on eggshells around me. He had me like no one ever did, and no one other than him ever will. After all this time, after everything we have been through, both together and apart, does he really need to ask for my permission if he wants to kiss me?

No, he does not. And more than that, I don't want him to. I want us to hold onto the little progress we have made and if he asks for my formal permission every time he wants to touch me, or do something as innocent as giving me a kiss, we can pretty much grab that progress and chug it into the water.

"I might not need it, but I want it," he tells me. "I won't take that back."

He stares at me with those blue eyes of his. For a moment, I think that he might be playing a game with me, just to see how far he could go. But that is not Robb. That is not the Robb I met and it is definitely not the Robb that wrote those words to me. He was nervous before, just as I was.

This is the same Robb that was gentle with me, that gave me a choice and did not pressure me, not with the bedding, not with anything else. He is the same man that barely managed to write that he had missed me and that was so shocked to see me that he did not even offer me a friendly hug.

Now, not only does he want to kiss me, but he wants my permission before he does it. Gods be damned, I want him to kiss me as well. It truly is as simple as that and I am the one that made it complicated.

I stand up and as he looks at me in surprise, I do not stop, not until I am right in front of him. I do not even stop to take a deep breath before I put my hands on his face and kiss him right on the lips.

I could have done it better. The two of us have had better kisses than this one. However, this was not about giving him a memorable kiss. This was about proving a point.

I pull away fast, looking down at him. Up close, he looked more like the Robb I left when I went to Winterfell. Those eyes stay the same, always impressing me with that deep, blue color. The hair and the beard might make him look older, but they suit him. I like the way he wears it. As his shock fades away while I take his appearance in, I see a smile forming on his lips.

"Is that confirmation enough?" I ask, still having a point to prove.

His smile becomes even wider as he stands up.

"Yes." He confirms as he pulls me closer to him, kissing me. A kiss with much more passion. As lightheaded as this kiss made me feel, I could feel, literally feel him smiling as he kissed me. I both smile and kiss him back, completely forgetting about anything else.

* * *

I remember what it was like before.

At first, I would stay away from him as if he had a contagious illness, keeping to my side of the bed. Once I got more comfortable around him and when I actually started enjoying the nights we would spend together, I would still keep my distance. Some days I would back away, other days, I would stay close.

Oh, how the things have changed. Now, I was as closed to him as I possibly could be, our bodies tangled, not knowing where he ended and where I started. More than that, I did not look away. Before, I would be shy, embarrassed. I would look away and hide from him. Now I did not. Now, I was looking directly at him, directly at those blue eyes and neither one of us showed any signs of wanting to look away.

His fingers were caressing my back and although it did feel… new and unusual, I did not want it to stop. I just stare at him, feeling a small smile creeping up as I actually enjoy his touch. For the first time, I have actually enjoyed his touch. Well, it was the first time I enjoyed it without feeling guilty, embarrassed and confused as soon as I was away from him.

"Well, that was one mighty reunion."

I try to hold my laugh at his words, but I lose it. I start laughing and he joins me. My insides burn as he smiles at me, still looking directly into my eyes. If I was not red in the face before, I am now.

"One worthy of a King and Queen." I add, hoping that humor could help me relax.

"And that right there is the reason I have missed you," he admits, pulling me just a little bit closer. "At first I thought it was a horrible idea, for you to have traveled all this way. Now I think differently."

"All it took was for you to bed me?" I ask, feigning disbelief. "Well, if I knew that was the tactic you would fall for, I would have done it earlier and more often."

"Tactic or not, I have nothing against earlier and more often," he raises his eyebrow, giving me a knowing look and I laugh. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. "Now I know why they say that war is always more welcome when you have a woman in your arms."

"Gods, you are such a man," I shake my head, earning a questioning look from him. "Nothing, forget I mentioned it." I sigh, knowing that this is not a conversation I wish to have. Not ever, especially not now, when I am still trying to catch my breath as I wait for my heart to stop racing.

"You are aware that you said my name, are you?" he asks me and I frown in response.

"Have you had a sudden change of heart? You want me to call you Your Grace? I always call you Robb."

"Not in bed you don't." he chuckles.

It took me a moment to realize what he meant. I imagine my face was as red as a Lannister banner.

"I was not aware of that," I admit. "Thank you for bringing it up. How very kingly of you."

"Oh, if you knew how good it felt to hear that, you would understand why I bring it up," he admits. I fell as if I am about to melt. Even if he doesn't bother, he can still say something that could affect me in such a way. "I am… I am so happy to see you again. As enjoyable as our… little reunion was, it is more than that. Your comments are what I've missed the most." He admits.

"Is it possible to miss everything? Every single part of it?" I ask him. He gives me a confused look. Gods, I have to speak in more detail. "Alright. I've missed our conversation. I've missed your advice and your guidance. I think I've even missed this. Is it possible to miss everything and not just one part?" I ask.

"Yes," he confirms. "I feel the same."

"Good. At least I am not alone in this."

"Sophia," he smiles at me. "You will never be alone in anything anymore."

I don't think he knows just how much hearing those words meant to me. I wanted to say the same, but that would be an insult to the words he said. I will find a way to prove him the same. If I will not be alone then neither will he. I cannot say how much time I will need to prove that, but I will take my time. For now, I simply push hair from his face, bringing him closer to a kiss.

After all the insecurities I felt, I could not have been happier when he welcomed that kiss.


	32. Chapter 32

**Hello guys. New chapter, as promised :)  
I'll update soon: I'm going on a holiday in like 15 days, so until then, I'll do my best to write as much as I can. **

**Pretty please, let me know what you think. Feedback really means a lot. Any criticism, suggestions, a pat on the back, it all means a lot. So let me know.  
I hope you enjoy this! :)**

* * *

"I wish I knew how to draw," Robb speaks up, catching my attention. I turn my head and look at him in confusion, as he leans on the table and keeps his eyes on me. "Sadly, I do not."

"Why would you even think about that?" I ask him through laughter. War and… well, fucking, and all he can think about is drawing? "Am I that bad of a wife? You bed me and you think of drawing?"

"No," he laughs at me. "No. I just wish I could draw you like that, like you are right now."

I blush, fully aware that I am naked as I was on the day I was born.

"I'm not sure if I would be comfortable with being your model, I'm afraid," I say, earning a chuckle from him. "And since you have no drawing talents, I suggest you should rely on your memory?"

"Oh, I will," he promises, laughing when I laugh at him.

This was absolutely not something I was used to. While we have always been honest with one another, even joking from time to time, this was something entirely different. For one, I did not feel the need to cover myself as fast as I possibly could. I also could joke about bedding and my lack of experience with it. Although at this point, I am not so sure if I lack experience anymore.

I cannot organize my thoughts, not in any way and frankly, I think I do not know anything anymore. I do not know what I am feeling and I do not know what that means. I do not know what Robb is feeling and I do not know what that means. I do not know how everything will continue. I do not know if this is something in passing, or if things are changed between us for good. I cannot even use a word to describe what this is now. It is not what we were hoping to achieve, but it is much closer to it than it was before. And I have no idea what that means, or how I should act.

The only thing I can say for sure is that I like this. Yes, it feels uncomfortable and unusual, but I like it. I like that I am not ashamed as I was before. I like that I do not feel the need to cover myself up. I like that he still laughs at my jokes, even louder than he did before. I only know that I like it. Other than that, I know absolutely nothing.

My smile might have faded away, but the feeling did not. It felt nice. And it definitely was not a mistake, to come all the way to the Riverlands. I want to enjoy this feeling before the true drama starts. And there will be drama. War, difficult conversations, plans… all that waits, but I refuse to deal with it tonight. Tomorrow, I'll be more than glad. But not tonight.

Robb was busy with maps and plans. I wanted to go to sleep, seeing as I had no particular interest in looking over his shoulders, but I could not sleep at all. I slept through the entire day. It matters not how much Robb managed to tire me out; I could not sleep for the life of me.

I tried not to look at him for too long. I wanted to, I truly did, but I was curious. There were so many things I wanted to know about him and watching him, with a frown as he stared at maps, comparing the two, moving wooden figures… it was interesting and in a way, compelling.

Our eyes would meet often. Probably too often, given that he was planning a war.

I said nothing. Our eyes would meet and neither one of us would look away. We would look at each other and ultimately, his eyes would go back down to the map. He was the one to look down, every time. Then, after a very short period of time, he would look up at me again.

At first, I said nothing, not wanting to interrupt him. Until he didn't look back down at the map.

"What is bothering you?" I ask him.

"Too many things are bothering me, Sophia," he shakes his head. "Our initial plan was to attack King's Landing. I am not at King's Landing. I am here and while they might not have a chance for a surprise attack, it will not be as easy as we hoped it would be. I am here, trying to read their minds. All the while I just want to be home. I can't be home and I've accepted that, but…" he sighs, not finishing his thought.

"Then leave the war," I suggest, earning a very confused look. "No, not like that," I laugh, amused by him actually thinking I was serious. "Not for good. I wish we could do that, but we can't. We can't leave it good, but I think that the war could give you up for one night alone, could it not?" I ask.

"Leave the war for a night?" he asks and I sit up, not bothering to cover myself with the furs.

"Yes. I am doing it as well," I shrug. "After everything I did, after everything I've been through, I think I deserve one night of freedom, one night of not worrying myself sick, wondering what will happen. I deserve it and so do you, even more than I do. One night away from all of it. Leave the plans. Leave the Lannisters, leave the Freys, leave them all. Leave them and have one night of peace."

"I never thought I could have one night of peace." He admits after a long silence.

"Neither did I," I admit, smiling at him. "But this? This is surprisingly peaceful for me. I did not come all the way down here because I want to bed you over and over again. I am here because we need to make a more detailed plan, because we need to work together, even if we are leagues apart. And we will do it. When I wake tomorrow, I will tell my stories and I will ask my questions. But tonight… I refuse. I refuse to be the Queen, I refuse to be a ruler. I refuse it all. Tonight, I am perfectly content with being a girl who has no idea what she's feeling and the only thing that she can make out is that, despite it being a surprise to her, she actually missed her husband." I admit.

He tries to smile. I can actually see his face muscles moving up before moving down again. He tries to smile but I imagine he is simply as confused as I am, with my sudden and quite obscure admission. Instead of smiling at me, or saying anything, he simply gets up. I watch him as he walks to me and lies down on the bed. I was sure he was about kiss me, but he simply pulls me closer, his arms on my waist, his head next to my neck. I smile, if only for a moment, comfortable with this kind of embrace.

"It might be idiotic, but it certainly sounds better than battle plans," he mumbles in my ear, before kissing my neck. "I'll take it."

"Gendry said something smart the other day." I laugh at the memory, feeling his sigh on my neck.

"If you're mentioning another man while in bed with me, there'd better be a good reason."

"There is," I laugh at his comment. "He said something quite funny," I say, ignoring the shivers I felt as Robb moved his kisses down my naked back. I have a slight suspicion he was doing that precisely because I mentioned another man. "It's a long story, but a marvelous quote. Fuck logic, because why not." I say. Robb's moves his lips away from my skin and I feel him laughing.

"I'll be more than interest for some more blacksmith wisdom, but on a different occasion, I am afraid," he says. Again? So much for my inexperience! "I am preoccupied by different thoughts."

"I see," I jump up in surprise when he turns me around and kisses my belly. My eyes go wide as I realize what he is about to do. I panic. As much as I am enjoying the exploration of these newfound territories, I knew I was not ready for what he was more than willing to do. Knowing that I only had one chance of saving myself, I take it; his eyes widen in surprise as I push him over and flip us around, with me ending up on top of him. "Well, if I'm going to keep you away from war, I should be kind enough to give you a valid excuse." I smile when he smiles, still looking surprised, slightly impressed even.

I might have done it for all the wrong reasons, but my husband welcomed the change. Reasons behind it will be a secret of mine. I smile as I lean over to kiss him, taking control, for the first time.

* * *

Now, this was new.

I understood the physical need I felt now. I am used to him, I am comfortable and yes, I have more experience. Luckily for me, I also have a husband who seems to be quite good on all possible fields, not only the one of war. To make it even better, he appears to be enjoying it as much as I do, if not more.

We are humans. Sometimes, we can act like animals. This is a pure animalistic urge, which is not bad. I might have had a different opinion before, being petrified and unsure of bloody everything, but now I knew it better. Plain and simple, it was passion. Pure, raw passion. And I was alright with feeling that. Husband or not, if I am madly in love with him or not, this stood on the side. It was understandable. It did not surprise me. Well, it did, but not as I thought it might. However, what did surprise me was the strong sensation I felt, which was, simply put, complete disgust at the very thought of leaving his arms.

Now that was unexplainable. Given that I am yet to swoon at his every word, dream of him and pray at night for him to love me until my dying day, I could not describe it as love. As much as I wanted it to be love, knowing how easier my life would be if that was the case, it was not it. Which is why I made a decision of not to bother. Why should I know everything? Why should I define it? He's not asking for it, which means I am doing this to myself. So, I am dropping everything and just accepting the fact that no, I do not want to leave his arms, and no, I don't give a shit about why that's the case.

"Should we make it a day as well?" he asks.

"Yeah," I agree in a heartbeat, not needing an explanation. I knew exactly what he was thinking. "Yes."

"After all, I did make my promise," he adds. "I plan to fulfill it. One day… war can wait."

"Well, yes," I smile. "You did promise to be a really good husband until your dying day, but I prefer to keep that dying they of yours as far away from today as possible." I laugh. I just butchered our vows, but essentially, that is what they meant.

"I didn't mean that," Robb laughs. "Those were some vows I said in front of Gods I don't even believe in." he tells me. If I was raised by any other man, anyone other than Stannis Baratheon, I would not bite my tongue at that one. It did not help that he seemed to be oblivious at what he just said.

"What did you mean then?" I ask, my voice stricter. He still did not notice anything.

"The promise I made to you," he explains. "That I will come back. I plan to stand by my word. That means more to me than any other vow I gave you."

"Well, that is a very gentle and thoughtful way of saying our marriage vows mean nothing to you." I sigh. It was as if someone threw a surprisingly large amount of wet send on top of a fire. That desire to never leave his embrace? It was not nearly as strong now. At least now he noticed something was wrong.

"That is not what I said." He shakes his head.

"No, no, it's not," I agree. "I believe the exact words were some vows you said in front of Gods you don't even believe in." I say, my anger growing. To make matters worse, he was still holding me!

"Neither do you?" he asks.

"Um, I do," I say, doing my best to control my facial expressions. "I am unsure of how this managed to escape your notice, but I never accepted R'hllor. I was raised in the Faith of the Seven and I believe in them. Now, of course, if I ever feel the need to pray, I pray to some Gods you actually believe in, as I took your name, culture, home and religion when I married you. How very convenient."

"Are you angry at me because of what I said?" he asks in surprise.

"That obvious, is it?" I sigh. I try to move away from him, but he only pulls me closer, my face inches away from his. "Robb, please. I am afraid this is a fight and I do not want to make it worse."

"You are my wife," he ignores me. "I might not believe in the Seven, but that doesn't change this."

"It's not your lack of believe, Robb," I sigh, amazed at his stupidity to realize the true problem. "You just… dismissed those words. You dismissed them as something stupid, while I meant every word I said and I held onto it while you were away. Those vows mean everything to me. Those vows where the exact point where I changed my alliance, when I became your family, when I became yours. Forgive me for my reaction. I just thought they meant the same to you." I say, trying to escape again. And again, he does not let me. He stares directly into my eyes.

"I promised to be back. I promised to make a family with you. I promised to rule with you. While I may not believe in the Seven and while that moment wasn't the one that changed everything for me as well, it has changed. And you mean a lot. Probably more than you know. I don't give a rat's ass for the Seven. I do care about you."

It did not work. His words were very nice indeed, but I still felt as if I was slapped in the face.

"Forgive me," he speaks up. "I did not think before I spoke, but it is not the words that bother you. You can hide it, as much as you want, but we both know what the true problem is. And I can assure you, since the day you took my name, you have been the very center. Every decision I made, every plan I made, it was all with you and our future in mind. You are my wife. The Seven, R'hllor, The Old Gods… none of them can change that, just like they cannot confirm it. That is between us. And it is strong, Sophia. I want you to be the mother of my children! What more is there to say?"

I know he is not aware of what he said, or how different it was to what he said before, but I noticed.

Before, I was supposed to be the mother of his children. Before, it was my duty to be a mother to his children. It was his duty to father my children; it was what we were meant to do.

It was never something he wanted. He never said it, never like that.

I don't even know if he's aware of what he said, or how it changes the way I look at things. Hearing that, even if it was unplanned, even if he was unaware of what he was saying… that only means he actually meant every word. He blurted it out without thinking. And when you are not thinking, you are feeling.

He wants me to be the mother of his children. Despite what I said earlier, that beats every possible vow in the world for me.

It was enough to make me kiss him, right on the lips, without thinking.

And when you are not thinking, you are feeling.

* * *

I do not know where all this energy was coming from. I should be tired. In fact, I should be dead, and so should he. For whatever reason, we were not.

My anger died down. I did not forget what he said, nor do I have a plan to do so. But passion was too strong and frankly, I do not want to cause an even bigger fight. The time has come for me to act like a real wife would; I will bite my tongue, shut up and handle it by myself.

"Robb, I hope…" a voice carries and I jump away from Robb as fast as I possibly could, covering myself up. At first, the only thing I see is Robb with his eyes wide. Then I see the imposter; Jon, turning around in the same speed I jumped away from Robb. "I will… wait. I'll come back later."

"No, no, Jon," Robb stops him with a sigh. "Stay. We need to speak." He tells him as he gets out of the bed and puts on a robe. I contemplate doing the same, but if I get up, even covered with sheets, Jon might end up seeing more than I wish for him to see. So I stay covered on the bed, knowing this is going to be a very uncomfortable conversation for me, and for them as well.

"I'm covered," I inform Jon. "You can turn around."

So he does. As covered as I am, I can see Jon looking directly at his brother, and nowhere near me.

"For two people who claim they do not even know each other, you certainly seemed to miss one another," Jon comments. His face was Lannister red. "I thought I have given you enough time. It's mid-day." He informs us. Well, the saying is true; time really does seem to fly by when you are having fun.

"Well, we do have to get to know each other better, do we not?" Robb asks, looking over his shoulder to wink at me.

"Robb," I warn him. Jon is uncomfortable enough as it is, and it's hardly the best moment of my life.

"Please stop," Jon shakes his head. "You have tortured me enough, don't you agree?"

"Can you both stop? Please? You should warn us before you storm into our tent and we should be careful about who can storm into our tent at any given time. Lesson learned." I sigh.

"Alright, alright," Robb agrees, sharking a look with his brother. I did not like the look. It was like a silent conversation. "Boy, she's a handful", Robb's look said, while Jon's responded with "I see". "Let's talk war then."

I listen to their conversation, without joining it myself. If I had anything to offer, I would speak up. The two of them know war better than I ever did. Robb knows this. If for whatever reason he wishes to ask for my advice, I would be happy to offer it, but truly, I have nothing to say. I do not understand how they can possibly predict what the Lannisters will do next. I know that it is common logic and in Robb's case, previous experience on the battlefield with them. But it is nothing more than a guessing game, even if the guesses are educated.

I watch as the two move figures, brows furrowed and voices low. I watch as I lie here, thinking how it has not yet reached my mind just how uncomfortable I should feel. Not about me being naked; Jon cannot see anything and even if he can, I have a valid reason to suspect I would not be the first naked woman he ever laid eyes on. I wouldn't be the first, but it wouldn't be right either.

It didn't bother me as much as it should, since I was covered, from the start. It's him knowing about this that bothers me, and I am not sure why.

Robb and I are married. Us spending nights, days together even, is a given. Not only is it not a surprise, but it is expected of us. We are young too; I have enough years ahead of me to give him 10 children and more; which is exactly why this should not be a surprise to anyone. It wasn't a surprise for Jon either; he said it himself, he thought he gave us enough time. When he left last night, he knew what would happen when he leaves. His eyes weren't wide because we were doing what we were doing, they were wide because he saw us naked. If this is what everyone expects of us, why does it bother me so much that they know? It's not just Jon either. I imagine everyone outside knows the Queen has arrived and she is yet to be seen.

Some days, I cannot even understand myself. I imagine this is simply one of those days.

"By the time we join King Stannis at Dragonstone again, their forces will be hurt," Robb speaks up, catching my attention. "Then we will take King's Landing."

"By ships or by foot?" Jon asks him.

"Both," Robb tells him. "I will attack on foot and King Stannis will charge with a fleet."

"It would be good if we could another disaster like the Battle of Blackwater Bay."

I am surprised Jon even knows about it. On our way to Winterfell, we did not speak about the war; not in detail, at least. I did not mention Father's defeat in that particular battle. That is not something Father is proud of. I remember how angry he was, how disappointed he was with himself. Those were some very difficult days at Dragonstone. For days, he would not speak to anyone other than Melisandre. I tried to talk to him, to no avail. Not only were my words not enough, but no one listened to them.

I remember those days all too well, more than I would like. I thought the war was over. I thought we have done all that we could possibly do and that we failed. I did not think Father could recover. I was possibly weeks away from accepting the fact that I am a dead woman walking, and perhaps months away, if not weeks, from actually being dead.

By pure luck, he agreed to listen to me. And in all honesty, I doubt it was me he listened to. I do not think about it, nor do I talk about it, but I will never forget who made the suggestion. It was Melisandre that said I should marry Robb. He listened to her, not to me. I just prefer to lie to myself.

"It will not," Robb speaks up and I give my attention to the two of them and not to my darkest thoughts. "That is why King Stannis insists to take the fleet. If they use wildfire again, he will be ready for it."

Perhaps it was a mistake not to write him. Being away from the war plans, I had no idea what Father wants to do. It makes perfect sense for him to lead the fleet; Robb has never had a water battle and he has. Father has both won and lost battles on water, and Robb did nothing. It is logical. But knowing that they might use wildfire, it is almost means certain death.

Which makes it all sound like Father would be willing to sacrifice himself so that Robb could live.

There has to be something else. I do not think he would do it. If Robb was to die, whether I give him a child or not, I will still be Father's heir. He will get his throne and if Robb survives or not, I will sit on that throne. Father has no reason to want Robb alive, other than uniting Westeros. And given that uniting Westeros would be when _I_ rule, he would have nothing to gain from that.

No, it is not a sacrifice. I also do not think it is a trap. He doesn't need Robb alive, but it is better for him if he lives. If Robb was to die, Father would lose support of the North. I would lose the support of the North. Perhaps they would not kick me away, but they would not die for me. They die for a Northerner, and no matter how nice I am, no matter if I rebuild Winterfell, no matter how good of a Queen I am, I will always be a Southern Queen, with no Northerner blood in my veins.

"What are your numbers?" Jon asks.

"Bigger than the Lannisters."

"And the Tyrells?"

"Bigger than both combined," Robb confirms. In a sea of worrying information, this was something I needed to hear. Numbers are not anything, but at least they help. "We will have a meeting after sun fall. We will discuss everything then." Robb tells his brother.

"Alright," Jon nods his head. "I will see you then." He tells him and for the first time since he walked into the tent, Jon looked my way and nodded at me. I nod back, knowing it was too late for me to pretend as if I did not listen to their entire conversation; if they wanted privacy, they should not have spoken in front of someone. I might still be discovering who Robb is, but I do not think he is the one to keep secrets. At least not from me. If he told me about Talisa, he would not keep war plans away from me. Talisa was probably the last thing he ever wanted to talk about.

Jon leaves and Robb looks at me, knowing as well that I listened to it. He does not look away as he folds the papers, maps and everything he unfolded with Jon.

"You look worried."

"I am always worried."

"You look more worried than usual." He corrects himself.

"There are more things to worry about," I shrug. "The only option is worry. If I could give it up, I gladly would, but it seems to follow me, wherever I go."

"What are you worried about?" he asks as he walks over to the bed. He sits next to me and gently moves the hair away from my face. Now he is the one looking worried. "What troubles you?"

"Survival, most of all," I admit. "How sad is it that it is not my survival that matters? I don't want to die, but if I die… I am not in danger, and too many people I care for are. Shireen might not be in any imminent danger, but there will never come a day where I don't fear for her. I fear for Father. I heard more than I'd like, about your plans. I worry about you. I know, you have promised me," I sigh as soon as he tries to speak. I know what he was about to say and when he says nothing to my comment, I get the confirmation that I was right. "I'm just not sure if I believe in promises anymore."

"If you cannot believe in promises, then believe the numbers," he tells me. "Believe my experience. Believe your father's experience. Let that speak for itself." He suggests.

"Is it truly good?" I ask him. "Will it be enough, or are you trying to reassure yourself by saying it?"

"It is good. It will be enough," he confirms. "I would not lie to you. Not even if I lie to myself. I told you a long time ago, I will not lie to you. I will always speak the truth."

"If I ask you something, will you answer honestly?" I ask him.

"I will." He promises in a low voice. I believe he can tell that this is not a common conversation.

"I do not think it is a question you would enjoy answering," I admit. I know he will not enjoy it, just as much as I will not enjoy asking it. But I have to ask it, if I want peace.

"All the same, I will answer it," he shakes his head, smiling down at me. "After everything you have been through because of me… I made you leave Dragonstone, I left you on your own and I don't even want to mention the trip you took because of me. The least I can do is answer a question."

"It's about Talisa."

I watch as his expression changes. His hand, that was on my shoulder, stops moving; he was moving his fingers along my skin and now he froze. He does not frown at me, nor does he show any other sign of distress, but I notice how his jaw clenches, if only little.

Time has passed, and her name still causes such a reaction. It turns out I was foolish after all.

"What do you wish to know?" he asks and I feel relief when the tone of his voice does not change.

"Do you know where she is?" I ask him. "I know that you said… you said that she left, before you even met me. Have you seen her since?" I ask.

I should never have brought this up. Regardless of his answer, I just reminded him of her. I just reminded him of the same woman I should make him forget about. This was me, reminding myself of how I am not good enough. Whatever I do, whatever I say, I will always fall short compared to her. _Talisa._

"She wrote me not that long ago, actually," Robb tells me. "She is in Volantis. She is with child."

"What?" I ask, jumping up in a seated position.

"Not mine!" Robb yells before real panic managed to take over. I close my eyes. It felt as if the whole world stopped for a moment. "She is married now. It is not my child." he tells me.

"Are you certain?" I manage to ask, even though my heart was still beating at full speed.

"Yes," he reassures me and as soon as I look at him, I believe him. I have to believe that he is being truthful. If for no other reason, than because this lie would be the end of everything. I refuse to even imagine what would happen if my husband had a child with another woman. Firstborn, at that. "If it was my child, she would have given birth to it long ago. She said so herself." He tells me.

"Robb, if you do not wish to bury me before my time, I beg of you, do not mention the words "child" and "Talisa" in the same sentence," I sigh. It was not a joke and he knew it. "I'm sorry. I should not have reacted like that." I say, but he shakes his head.

"You had every right to. I did not choose my words carefully. I apologize."

"It's alright. I'll live to see another day," I shake my head. As I manage to calm myself down, finally, he gets up and when he returns next to me, he hands me a piece of paper. "What is that?"

"Her letter."

"Robb…"

"No," he shakes his head. "You need to read it."

Every bone in my body was against it. It was only the look in his eyes that made me take that letter out of his hand; he wanted me to read it. For whatever reason, he wanted it. So, I start reading, with a bitter taste in my mouth, ignoring the feeling that this is a horrible idea.

 _Dearest Robb,_

 _I never thought I would have a need to write you. I cannot say why I feel the need to do so. I wish I could. I hope you do not take it against me. After all, I have nothing to gain from it._

 _I am home now. Married, as well. A childhood friend of mine asked for my hand, not caring if someone else had me before him. I have always loved him dearly and I could not say no, knowing he was my best, if not only, chance of happiness._

 _After I left, I never thought I would feel happiness again. I said goodbye to the idea of a joyous life when I said goodbye to you. Imagine my surprise when I felt happy again. He makes me happy, as you once did. I am carrying his child as well. Worry not, it is not yours. I never would have allowed for that. You are a King and I was your one mistake._

 _I heard that you got married. If you chose to respond to this, tell me about her. Reassure me that you too could find the happiness I found with someone else. Tell me that she loves you and treats you right. You deserve no less than that._

 _What of the war? The only thing I know is that you are still fighting it. Will you win? Did you ally with your wife and her house?_

 _If you do not respond, I will never write you again. I will respect your decision. We shared lovely moments, you and I. Despite how it seemed then, it was not meant to last a lifetime. All the same, a part of me will always love and care for you. And I hope for your happiness._

 _Thank you, for making me happy. If only for a little while._

 _Talisa_

"She sounds very… nice."

I do not feel as horrible as I thought I would. A part of me imagined that the content of her letter would be her recollection of the nights they shared. Robb would not have offered that for me to read. Her words made me thing that perhaps she does not wish to take him away, as I had feared.

"She is nice," Robb agrees with me. "A smart woman too."

"Why did you want me to read this?" I ask him.

"Because that could answer your question better than I ever could," he tells me. "So could this," he adds as he gives me another piece of paper. "I did not have a chance to send my letter yet. I want you to read it before I do."

"Robb…" I start, only to make him shake his head again.

"Read it. Please."

 _Talisa,_

 _Your letter caught me by surprise. I did not expect you to write, not ever. I am glad you did. Knowing you are well and back home is a nice thing to hear._

 _Congratulations. Congratulations on your marriage and on your child. I am glad that you have found happiness. I hope your husband treats you well and that your child takes after you._

 _Do not call yourself my mistake. You are more than that, even now. I loved you with all of my heart and that means I will never consider you a mistake. What we had was not meant to be. It was doomed to fail from the start, but it does not mean it was not real. It was real, just as it is not real anymore. Duty turned me in a different direction and I have grown. Judging by your words, so have you. What happened between us belongs in the past. It was real and genuine but it is no more._

 _I am married as well, you heard correctly. Her name is Sophia. She is the same age as I am and yes, it was an alliance. I married her so that her father, King Stannis and I could win this war together. When I met her, I was still grieving the loss of you. After choosing not to break the vows I made to House Frey because of you, I ended up breaking them for another woman. A woman who did not want to marry me no more than I wanted to marry her._

 _She is unnervingly smart. Whenever I speak to her, I feel as if I will say something stupid and embarrass myself. She does not talk much, but when she does, she speaks the truth. Her humor is a force to be reckoned with. Apart from that, she is a beauty. You would have liked her._

 _Being away from her, I find myself missing her. I cannot say for sure, but I believe she feels the same. Our relationship is not as strong as I want it to be, or as it should be, but both of us have given great efforts to make it better. It is growing more each day._

 _It is like you described it. The only difference is that you already feel happy again. At first, it seemed impossible to me. Now I feel that possibility grows with each passing day. Simply put, I do not deserve a wife like Sophia. When we win this war, I shall do my best to change that._

 _Thank you for writing, Talisa. You will always be a part of my life and I wish to know if you are doing well. Feel free to write, I will respond, so long as we both have something to say._

 _I wish you a healthy son or daughter and I hope you remain happy for years to come._

 _Robb_

"You mean this?" I ask, pointing at the letter. My voice was not as stable as I hoped it would be. He said those words to me as well, he wrote them. Without that surprisingly wonderful description. He said the same things about us that he wrote to her, but somehow, they seemed more truthful now. When he says it to me, it can be considered a lie, something he tells me to make me feel better, more confident. When he writes those words to his former lover, I find myself not doubting them at all.

Why would he say it, to her, of all the people, if it was not the truth?

"Yes," he confirms. "Which is I wanted you to read it. I have no secrets, Sophia. Not from you. I told you so before. I will never be with anyone other than you. Not Talisa, not anyone else. I made my promise. I know you had your doubts and I would like to think this settled them. Now, could we please leave this? Talisa is my past. You are my present. And I have no reason to look back."

Short of words and completely surprised by everything, I just nod my head, like a mute fool. He smiles at me, a small smile, before he bends down and kisses me.


	33. Chapter 33

**Hello, you amazing bunch of people! Thank you for sticking here for so long! :D  
I hope I made this journey fun.  
I'll do my best to keep it up this way!  
Let me know what you think. I'll update soon :)**

* * *

"Your Grace!" Lord Umber's voice thunders as I walk into the tent. With him drawing attention to me, all the heads bow and I nod my head, feeling uneasy. "We've heard whispers that you might be here, but no one laid eyes on you. It seems you were too preoccupied to attend meetings?" he suggests, looking sideways at Robb, who was standing to his right.

Only the Northerners would be comfortable with teasing their Queen about her marriage duties.

"If you are going to jest about such things, Lord Umber, have decency to jest openly. Otherwise, you are just embarrassing yourself." I tell him. I know better than I did the last time; I have been around their people for a while. As I was getting to know Robb, I was getting to know his people as well. I had a slight suspicion that all of them appreciate honesty and bravery and not just my husband.

The North loves it when you show them your teeth. I might not be good at it, but I can stand my ground.

I know I am right when Lord Umber sounds laughing. He sounded more like a bear.

"I told you; this one's a good one!" he laughs, looking around the rest of the men in the room. Robb and I exchange looks and I could tell he was silently apologizing for this. He shouldn't; we are at a war camp, surrounded by men. I would have been worried if I their reception was different than this.

"Why, thank you, Lord Umber," I smile at him. "Feel free to remind my husband of that."

"Alright," Robb laughs. "Don't win over my bannermen just yet; you have only been here one day."

"What can I say? I'm charming," I shrug, earning a few chuckles from the men around us and a smile from Robb. I was not acting as a proper Queen, but with this crowd, I think that was a good call. And Robb does seem to approve. After all, he is the only one that can complain. If he does so, I will change my ways. If not, I will keep up with this. I do need to earn their respect. With warriors, a name is not enough. Me being Stannis Baratheon's daughter means nothing to them. Me being honest, quick and humorous might just win me the points I need.

"My lords, thank you," Robb speaks up. "We will speak tomorrow again."

I watch as they leave the tent, one by one. I was expecting to hear more about their plans or even be present at their council. I am not insulted that Robb decided to leave me out of it. After all, I have used every chance I had to point out that I am not a warrior, that the only war I have ever known was the one from the books I read, and that I will probably not be able to offer solid advice to anyone.

Jon was the last one to leave. The two of us share a smile before he leaves us.

"Did I miss anything of importance?" I ask Robb as I look down on the map that was taking most of the table; I see stags and lions and wolves, all made of wood, all stationed in their respective places. By the looks of it, the lions are not in the Riverlands, but near the Reach.

"Not much," Robb shakes his head, looking down on the same map. "We will take leave for Riverrun first thing in the morning. The men will follow us." he tells me.

"We are yet to discuss my stay here," I remind him. I have been in the war camp for more than a day now, and we did not talk about this issue, not once. As Lord Umber suggested, we were both too preoccupied with other things. "I cannot stay here for good. I need to rule Winterfell, for one. And as my dear friend Gendry suggested, it would be stupid of you, Jon and I to stay in one place."

"I know," Robb agrees, nodding his head. "I wish it could be done differently. You do not have to leave just yet, do you?" he asks. Why is he asking me this? He is the one whose advice I follow, not the other way around. I wanted him to tell me what to do, not him to ask me of my plans and intentions.

"I cannot say," I admit. "Your lady mother knows how to rule Winterfell. I am certain she will do a good job while I am away. There are only two reasons that are drawing me back to Winterfell. One is duty, because I cannot leave it for good. I need to be there. The second one is Shireen."

"You miss your sister, don't you?"

"Every day," I smile. "I have been away from here too much for my liking. With the journey I took to the Wall, with this journey… I miss her and I worry, but she is in good hands. Your lady mother treats her as if she is her own child. She does not need me as much as she did before. Back at Dragonstone, it was as if I had to protect her. Protect her from Mother, from Melisandre… even from Father. She does not need that kind of protection anymore. Besides, I doubt I will be able to make a journey like this again. You will go into battle, you will make your way towards King's Landing… this is not going to be possible again. Not until you return from war. I do not want to go back just yet." I admit.

"No," Robb shakes his head at me. "I understand what you are saying. I want you to stay, but I do not want you to be in danger. You will have to leave before we go to battle." He tells me.

"Understandable," I agree. "And what of Jon? Do you want him by your side or at Winterfell?"

"It is more need, than anything else," Robb sighs. "I know it would be smarter of me to keep him safe, in case something does happen and I do not live long enough to win this war. It would be better to have him in the North, but I need his help here. With you, mother and Sansa in Winterfell, I think the three of you would be able to keep it and hold it, even if I die."

"They would. I wouldn't," I shake my head. "If you die, Robb… I will go back to being Stannis Baratheon's daughter and not Robb Stark's wife." I tell him. It could be different in the future, but as of now, that is the reality of our situation. "Sansa and Catelyn might give me their support, but that would not be enough. The two of them will still be there, even if I am not accepted. A Stark will rule Winterfell, no matter what happens. You can have Jon with you, I believe."

"You wouldn't lose Winterfell," he disagrees. "You might not see it yet, but I do," he tells me. Once again, the man sees more in me than I do. "It is settled then. You will leave for Winterfell before we go into battle. You will take some men with you. I do not want you traveling without guards anymore. Jon will stay, and tomorrow, we leave for Riverrun," he announces. "Why did you make that face?"

"What face?" I ask in confusion.

"When I mentioned Riverrun," he explains, smiling down at me. "As soon as I mentioned Riverrun, you frowned." He tells me. I did not know he pays that much attention to my facial expressions. I did not even realize I frowned at the mention of his mother's home.

"Oh. That. Well… I am afraid Uncle Edmure and I were not on the best of terms." I admit. I leave out that it was a bit more than that. When Catelyn and I made our way to Winterfell, we were in Riverrun for a while. While the place was beautiful and welcomed after that bloody carriage we were traveling in, Lord Edmure and I had our differences. I did not hold back and I doubt he would forget about that.

"What did he do?" Robb sighs.

I feel proud, to my own surprise. He did not even contemplate that it was my fault. Although, it might have been his Uncle's character that made him think that, and not mine.

"If memory serves me well, he doubted your ability, Father's ability and my ability," I sigh. I kept it as simple as I possibly could. I still feel anger towards Edmure and all that he said then, but I do not want to complain to Robb about it. The last thing I want is for him to speak to Edmure about it. It is not my goal to turn his man against him. If that means I have to listen to a self-absorbed man talking down at me every now and again, I will take it. Besides, it is not like I did not give Edmure a piece of my mind.

"Do not take it to heart," Robb tells me. "Mother always says he is not as smart as her father was, nor as capable as her uncle. Do not listen to what he says. After what I did yesterday, if he is going to complain to anyone, it will be to me."

"What did you do?" I ask, feeling the worry grow. Of course it was growing; I was at peace for one entire morning, and to worry, that was too much. I had not given her the attention she needed.

"I have asked Walder Frey for forgiveness," he tells me. "And I offered Edmure as a husband to one of his daughters. Probably the one Walder Frey wanted me to marry."

"Did he agree to it?" I ask.

"We will know when the raven returns."

"No, not him," I shake my head. "Walder Frey sounds like a man who would take anything that is offered to him. Did Edmure agree to it?" I ask.

"He did," Robb nods his head. "As soon as he realized the difference between a nephew and a King."

"Robb, are you going to make your uncle marry someone he does not want to marry?" I ask him. I am surprised by this. I did not expect this from Robb, not after he was forced to marry himself. Yes, it was his decision, but I was the only option. After being morally forced to marry someone he did not even know, I did not expect him to make his uncle do the same.

"I simply suggested it and he agreed."

"Because disagreeing would be treason," I point out. "Why do this?"

"Because I need Walder Frey to forgive me," Robb tells me. "And he would not do so if I do not offer him something in return. Edmure is Lord of Riverrun. He is not a King, but he is the best I have to offer."

"And you are not considering how he might feel about it?"

"He is being… he would gladly agree to it if he knew that the girl was not ugly," he tells me. "Trust me, the fear of what the girl might look like is the only thing that is making him question this."

Of course it was that. What else could it be? Gods forbid the girl is ugly! Yes, that is all that matters.

"Men," I sigh. I look up in surprise when Robb laughs. "Oh please, you counted your blessings and compared me to them as soon as I was offered to you."

"I counted my blessings for a different reason," he tells me as he walks over to me. I try to be all stern and serious, but when he puts his arms on my waist and moves closer to me, an unwilling smile creeps up on my face. "And I had nothing to compare you to. I haven't seen the Frey daughters before."

No, he did not compare me to them but I am certain he compared me to another.

I will not mention Talisa, not even in the form of a joke on my expense. Not after what he showed me.

"I suppose I should thank the Gods you haven't laid eyes on Margaery Tyrell yet."

"I do not…" Robb starts, but we are interrupted when someone walks into the tent. It is Gendry, with his head down, looking at the grown beneath him. I am mildly surprise when Robb does not let go of me.

"Your Grace. Your Grace."

All my efforts have fallen into water, it would seem. Or, perhaps, he does not feel comfortable with calling me by my name if my husband is around. Which, of course, has nothing to do with Robb being my husband; I believe it is him being a King that makes Gendry feel a little bit uncomfortable.

"Gendry," Robb speaks up. "You are Sophia's friend and you have taken care of her whilst the two of you were traveling to the Wall. And here as well. You can call me by my name, please."

It is nice to get a confirmation that he isn't stuck up.

"Thank you, Your Grace, but I am not quite there yet," Gendry tells him. "Apologies."

"Don't take it to heart," I laugh. "Took him a week with me."

"May I speak with you?" Gendry asks, looking at Robb. "Both of you." he adds, looking now at me. I only now notice that he looks troubled. Whatever he has to say, I do not think it is good.

"Of course," Robb tells him. "What is the matter?"

"It's something important," Gendry tells us. "Something I should have told you a while ago."

* * *

I did my best to hide my reaction from Robb. Now that Robb went to talk to his men and left me alone with Gendry, I was free to react without fearing what my husband would think. And my free will told me to smack Gendry on the arm with all the force I had in me.

"What was that for?" He asks, looking surprised, hurt and insulted, all at the same time.

"What was that for?!" I repeat, shaking with anger. "What was that for?! You knew she was alive and you kept your mouth shut this whole time! Gendry, what in the name of Gods were you thinking?!"

I know all too well that I will feel about this as soon as the anger dies down. However, as of now, I am one step away from pure rage and I cannot believe Robb himself didn't reach it.

All this time, Gendry knew. All this time, all those days we would travel together, all those times that we were alone, he knew that Arya Stark was alive. Not only that, but he knew more about her movements than any of us did it. And he chose not to tell me! Just like that, he decided that that information was not worth the share. Not only am I angry because she is Robb sister and we have no idea where she is, but I am angry that he did not trust me enough to share this with me! I shared too much about myself as we got to know each other. And he, on the other hand, did not think he should let me know that he had traveled with my husband's long lost little sister we have all been searching for.

I am livid! I could strangle him with my own two hands. Luckily for Gendry, the worst has passed, as I did not feel comfortable with strangling him in Robb's presence. If he had told me that when we were alone, he would be a dead man. Now I am calmer, if only just a little.

How Robb managed to react the way he did is an utter mystery to me. I was angry than he was, by far. Then again, he did not think he had Gendry's trust, did he? No, he was calm. Surprised, but calm. He had asked all the right questions, gotten all of the information about his sister and went to send men to search for her. All the while I was sitting in silence, boiling on the inside.

"I didn't know if I could trust you!" Gendry snaps. "Even when I started trusting you, I didn't know if I could trust him. Think about it. Would you trust a man whose own wife doesn't trust him?"

"Oh, don't you dare!" I gasp. "I never said that. I would trust Robb with my life! In case you haven't noticed, that is exactly what I am doing! It's exactly what I have been doing since the day I bloody married him! Don't you dare and pin that on me, Gendry! Don't you dare!"

"She was my friend!" he yells. Well, apparently he has no issues with yelling at a Queen. "I care for her, Sophia! I thought she was going to be home! Why do you think I so happily accepted to be one of your husband's men? I thought I would find here there. We have been traveling together for weeks and all she ever talked about was home. I knew she was either there or dead. So you can imagine what I started to believe when I realized she never returned to Winterfell!"

He told it all before. He said where they were, where they parted ways and why they did so. Only when Robb was here, he did not admit that he actually cared for her.

"You should have told me," I shake my head. "Gods damn it Gendry, you should have told me."

"I know. In case you haven't noticed I feel bad about it," he tells me. "I want to think that she is still alive, but I don't know. I might have just given your husband a false hope."

"No," I shake my head. "It is more than we had before. Even if it leads us nowhere, it is better than before. She was your friend?" I ask. One nod for him was enough. I was too angry to pay attention, too angry to notice. The girl really was his friend.

At least he did the right thing. It may be too late, but at least he did it.

"If you have some other secrets to share with me, now would be a good time to do it."

"Nah, I'll save them for later," He tells me, wearing a proud grin.

"Oh, fuck you, Gendry," I say in annoyance, but when he starts laughing, I have to use all my strength not to join in on the laughter. "You best hope we find her." I warn him.

"Oh, I am."

"Gendry," Robb speaks up as he enters the tent. "I need you with me. Come."

"Robb…" I give him a worried look and to my complete surprise, he starts laughing.

"I'm not going to hang him, Sophia," he laughs. I notice Gendry take a deep breath. "He last saw here in the Riverlands. We are in the Riverlands. He told us all. I am not going to harm him. I need him for something else. Now, come." He urges Gendry again and the two of them leave the tent, with Robb patting Gendry on the back as I look on in wonder.

He will either kill him, or they will become the best of friends.

He takes Jon, he takes Gendry… who will I be left with?

Then again, I have him. In a way.

* * *

I thought I have made difficult decisions before. In fact, I have made an identical decision not that long ago. I thought I have paved my way, but it did not get any easier. Choosing not to tell Lady Catelyn that we know more about Arya and where she might be, made me feel like… well, like a piece of shit.

I did the same thing before. I knew, I knew for a fact that Sansa was alive and supposedly well. I chose not to tell her until she is safe, in Robb's care. Catelyn did not hold it against me last time, but if this keeps up, I am afraid I will soon start to wear out her patience.

I hide from her that her daughter is alive. I bring back her husband's bastard son she despised. I leave my sister in her care, I even pick a fight with her own brother! And now this. When I look back on the time since I married Robb, I had not made a single decision that was good for Catelyn. It might have been a good decision overall, for the greater good, but it was not good for her. One of these days, I will fill up her cup with that one last drop and it will overflow. I know Catelyn better now and I know what both Robb and Jon had told me. I _do not_ want to be the one that fills that cup.

I swear, if I don't destroy Westeros with my own two hands…

I let the book fall out of my hands and on the bed when Robb walks in. I was not reading it to begin with. I tried, to be fair. But the words were just scribbles with no real meaning.

"What are you up to?"

"I'm contemplating my existence and wondering if my skin would look good on the floor of Winterfell's hall, since your mother might just skin me alive when she finds out I chose not to tell her about Arya."

"For one, I chose not to tell her. You followed my lead, even if you would have done the same on your own. If she does act on it, remind her of that. I can take her anger," he tells me, smiling. "As for the skin as a carpet… well, you do have a lovely tone of skin. Personally, I think it would brighten up the hall."

"You are not being funny."

"Then why are you laughing?"

"I think I liked you more when you were careful around me."

"I doubt that," he smiles as he walks over to the bed. I was half expecting him to jump on me, but he simply offers me his hand. "Come. I want to show you something."

"What?" I ask, looking suspicious. With all this confidence he's been having around me, I am unsure if I should trust him. He might trick me or something.

"You'll see. Come."

Against my better judgment, I take his hand and let him lead me out of the tent. I was expecting him to drag me away into another tent, but he does not do that. We walk all the way to the edge of the camp, where he pulls me to the left and into the woods. If it was anyone else leading the way, I would turn around and walk away a long time ago. Him, I follow blindly. Apparently, even into the woods.

"Robb, I know you are still getting to know me, and that's quite alright," I speak up as he leads the way. I doubt he even knows where he is going; it's pitch black. "But I think it is time you should know I do not enjoy a night stroll through the woods."

"Be patient," he tells me through laughter. "We are almost there anyway."

"There as in where?" I ask. I do not like surprises. I do not handle surprises well. They are a surprise.

"We are almost there," he tells me. "Be patient."

"I wish I had that kind of elegance when avoiding questions."

"You know, I think I liked you better when you were careful around me," Robb tells me, using my own words against me. His laughter saved him. I have to join in. "Are you familiar with the religion of Old Gods?" he asks. He is also very elegant when he has to change the subject.

"Have you forgotten that you have married a daughter of a religious fanatic?" I ask him. Perhaps it is because of the dark and silence that surround us, but I do not think I have ever heard him laugh as loud as he did now. "I was raised in the Faith of the Seven. That is all I ever known before Melisandre showed up. In all honesty, I never really asked or read about R'hllor. I did not care, much to the disappointment of my parents." I tell him.

At times, I wonder if Father truly believes in him, or if he does it because it is convenient and because he has Melisandre by his side. After all, she did help him murder his brother. That is something I will never forget. Why should I believe in R'hllor if he aids in kinslaying? No, I did not buy what Melisandre was selling and I think Davos and I were the only ones. I remember how devoted Matthos became to it, how many books he read and how it changed him.

No. Even if R'hllor raises my entire family for the dead, it will not repay for the family he put into ground. A dead uncle, a delusional mother and only a shadow of a person I knew and loved.

"So, you know nothing about the Old Gods?" he asks.

"I only knew what Catelyn told me when I asked," I tell him. "I know where you pray. That is it."

"Well, the Old Gods were a simple bunch," Robb tells me. I could see two little specks of fire, glowing ahead of us. Well, at least he wasn't walking blindly. "Take weddings, for example. You don't need a sept, you don't need a septon, a hundred witnesses. Just a weirwood tree, two to marry and at least one to witness," he explains as we walk closer to the light. "Now, the Old Gods are only worshiped in the North, although they once were worshiped throughout whole of Westeros. Finding a godswood with a heart tree this far in the south would be nearly impossible, but as I said, Old Gods were simple. To them, any weirwood tree will do. And believe it or not, I found one." He announces. I could see a proud smile on his face, because we have finally stepped into the light.

"What in the… what are you two doing here?" I ask when I see Jon and Gendry, both grinning at us.

"They are our witnesses," Robb informs me. "Gendry will give you away, if you agree."

"Witnesses for what? Give me away? Robb, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to marry you," he grins. "Again. Now, in front of my Gods as well. If you want me as your husband, that is." he adds.

"This is ridiculous."

"I want to say my vows to you in front of the weirwood tree, in front of Gods I believe in and you think it is ridiculous?" he asks. For a moment, I thought I have insulted him horribly. Then, I notice a smirk on his face and realize he is making fun of me and my earlier reaction.

"Oh, you can bloody well marry yourself," I snap, but he grabs me by the hand as I try to walk away.

"Sophia, I am serious," he tells me and for the first time, he does not have a smile on his face. "You are my family now. I want to do this the way it is done in the North. I told you, no God can change this, no God can confirm it. It is between us. And I want to do this. Now, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife in front of the Gods my father told me stories about, in front of the Gods I pray to?" he asks. As much as I loved his speech, I hated him from saying it. For one, I did not act the way I should and now I feel guilty. And he is proving to be way too good for my liking.

"I… I will," I agree. He smiles and starts walking away from me, but I pull him by the hand. "Wait, what do I do? What do I say? I have never seen a wedding like this."

"You will know what to say." He tells me and with one last smile, he walks over to the tree near which Jon was standing. A weirwood tree. Gendry walks over to me, with a small smile on his face.

"Are you sure you want me to give you away?" he asks.

"I'm still angry with you," I warn him. "But yes. For weeks, you and Jon have been the closest thing I had to family while I was away from them. What do we do now?" I ask.

"The cloak," he tells me and it is only then that I notice he had something in his hands. I do not even want to know how Robb managed to find a Baratheon cloak for tonight. I turn away from Gendry as he puts the cloak over my shoulders. "He thought about sending someone for Shireen, but decided it was too dangerous."

Gendry should not have told me that. I was on the verge of tears at the very mention of my sister. She would have loved to be a part of it. Unfortunately, Robb is right. It would be too dangerous.

"Well then, Gendry, hand me over to him," I smile at him. Gendry laughs as he links our arms and the two of us start walking towards the tree. Both Robb and Jon were smiling. It all felt… a bit stupid, if I am being honest. Not because of the meaning, no. Even if I did not realize it as soon as he suggested it, it actually is beautiful and a lovely gesture from him. But the four of us? Looking as if we could burst out in laughter at any moment? It was a little bit stupid, but lovely all the same.

I do not look at Robb when we stop before them.

"Who comes? Who comes before the Gods?" Jon speaks up.

"Sophia of House Baratheon comes here to wed," Gendry speaks up, surprising me. "A woman grown and flowered, trueborn and noble…"

"Are you sure about that?" Jon speaks up, causing all three of them to start laughing.

"I hate you, Jon. I truly hate you." I close my eyes, trying hard not to laugh myself.

"What I saw this morning was not noble…"

"Jon," Robb warns him. "Start over, please."

"Who comes? Who comes before the Gods?" Jon asks again. I could hear him trying to fight laughter away and I could feel Gendry shaking next to me, trying to contain his laughter.

"Sophia of House Baratheon comes here to wed," he says, managing to stay calm. I, however, was still shaking. "A woman grown and flowered, trueborn and noble, she comes to beg the blessings of the gods. Who comes to claim her?" he asks.

Well, if I am going to beg for a blessing, I should be more serious. Apparently, the three of them have the same thoughts; as of now, none of us were laughing or smiling.

"Me, Robb of House Stark, Lord of Winterfell and King in the North," Robb speaks up, standing before us. "I claim here. Who gives her?" he asks.

"Gendry, of House… well, just Gendry," Gendry speaks up and again, we stop for a moment to calm ourselves down. This spontaneity, this laughter… it all makes it all the more genuine and special. After all, they are my friends. This meant more than standing in front of a hundred people, marrying a man I did not even know. This meant more than I initially thought it would. Only two friends, two very good friends and the man I actually want to marry this time. "Gendry, the… friend and recent traveling companion," he tells. I was smiling at Gendry, but I could not laugh, not anymore. "Lady Sophia, do you take this man?" he asks me. I have a feeling Robb told him to use "Lady" as my title. After all, it was the title I had before I married him and before this war started. I look at Robb and I know. He has to be behind this. He knew I would not want to hear "Queen" or "Princess".

"I take this man."

My voice was no louder than a whisper, but I knew Robb heard it when he smiled at me. He takes my hand and takes me to stand directly before the weirewood tree. To my surprise, he kneels. I follow him down at once, our hands still joined. When he closed his eyes, I knew we have to pray now.

Well, if I am begging for their mercy…

 _Old Gods… hello. I probably should have tried to pray to you before. If one does not pray when they are not in need, should they have a right to beg for your blessings in the time of need?_

 _You are my Gods now. And I will learn of you. If I pray, I will pray to you. I have no other God. And when I pray, I will pray for others, like I am praying now._

 _I beg of you, let him live. Let him live and let us have a chance to raise a family in peace. Protect him in the days to come. I could not do this without him. I beg of you, protect my family._

 _And if you would like to bless our marriage too, that would be lovely. Thank you._

I open my eyes to see if Robb was still praying, but he was already looking at me. Still holding hands, we stand up. He lets go of my hand and stands behind me, to take of my cloak, which he hands to Jon. Only moments later, I feel another cloak on my shoulders. Once again, I am officially a Stark. Under his protection and a part of his family.

Oh, how I wish I did not laugh it off at first. When he stands before me and takes my hands in his, I feel as if I am going to cry and that is the last thing I want to do now. I do not know if a kiss is a part of the Northern tradition, just like it is in the South, but Robb kissed me either way.

"Alright, we'll leave the two of you," I hear Gendry say, but neither I nor Robb turn our attention to them. We do not separate for a very, very long moment and when we do, we are alone.

"Old Gods, New Gods…" Robb smiles down. "We belong to each other for the years to come."

"Thank you."

"Do not thank me for something I wanted to do." he shakes his head. We have truly come a long way from two people who did not want to get married to begin with.

"I feel like I have to," I smile. "It makes me happy. So… thank you."

I wait for him to put off the two torches; I turn and look at the tree once again, knowing I would not be able to find it again no matter how hard I tried. Somewhere in the Riverlands, somewhere in the woods. And to my surprise, it is more than enough for me.

I did not expect a change, but as Robb and I walk back into the camp, silent and hand in hand, I feel it. I cannot put it to words, I cannot describe it, but it feels different. As if it is now… more right? Like we were living in sin until now, like now it has truly become official.

Perhaps it is because of his earlier words. Despite my irrational hurt by them, this was a confirmation I did not know I needed. It does not matter how well we get along, how much we enjoy each other's company, how much I do not want him to stop touching me once I feel his skin on mine. None of that changes the fact that we were not in love, that we did not know each other and that we truly did not want to marry one another. We did it because we had to. It was all duty, duty, duty. The marriage, the wedding night that failed miserably, the bedding… it was all a duty.

It's not duty anymore. I do not know what the hell it is, but it is not duty. We both wanted this. He took me there because he wanted to marry me, he did this because he wanted that to happen. And tonight, when I said that I take this man, I meant every word.

I can tell he is feeling different as well because of the silence between us. I cannot say if his thoughts are the same as mine, but I cannot be the only one to notice the difference. We are silent even as we step into the tent. I wait for him to let the canvas drop before turning my back to him.

"Take of my dress."

"What?" he asks. Over the last two days, I did not need to ask. We almost ripped off each other's clothing the first night and after that, I did not bother much with dressing again.

"We never…" I start and stop to take a deep breath. I should not be nervous; we have done it before. I was his, on more than one occasion and over the last two days, I have enjoyed it immensely. If there ever was a right time for me to be shy, it was not this. "Our wedding night. We could not go through with it. This is our chance… it is our wedding night tonight as well. So… if you want to… I… I… take of my dress and make me never want to leave your side."

Bed me? No. Fuck me? Gods no! Take me? No. Make love to me? No, unfortunately not.

Make me never want to leave your side was the best I could do.

When he does not respond, I start wondering if I had taken it too far. With all the progress we have made, perhaps my words are the ones that make us stop and thing and frighten us? I did not get a chance to panic, as I felt the cloak being lifted off of my shoulders.

I let out a breath I did not even realize I was holding. Very slowly, his fingers start pulling the ties that held my dress in place. As his fingers touch my back, I remember how it used to be before; how careful he was not to touch me. I remember that day all too well. He was helping me tie my dress, not untie. We were laughing and for a moment, his finger touched my skin. I remember the shivers very well; I feel them now. He changed his movements and before I knew it, I was kissing him. From that day on, I was no longer a virgin. Why do I feel as nervous as I was then, when I was one? I am shaking, but it is not out of fear or confusion. It is because of his touch. As careful as he was not to touch me then, it felt as if now, he was deliberately brushing his fingers against my skin. He was not even halfway through.

"You did not take your time before."

"I want to now," he admits in a whisper. "I'm savoring it."

"It?" I ask.

"Touching you. Or just… you."

"Well, it is torture," I say, my breathing heavy. "A lovely torture but a torture nonetheless."

"Will you ever learn patience?" he chuckles, still keeping his voice low. I close my eyes and I try to do what he tells me; be patient. I was not aware of the power he had over me. I doubt he was either. I melt more and more with each movement, movement that was deliberately slow. I wish I had the same power over him.

I could have been out of my dress long ago by the time he finishes with untying it. He pulls is down my shoulders and lets it fall to the ground. I turn around and watch as his eyes travel; down my body and to my face, down my body and to my face. Eyes, lips, neck, breasts, eyes, lips, eyes, lips…

"So we meet again, Sophia Stark."

"So we do." I smile as I lift a hand up to touch his face. When he closes his eyes and his lips part, I wonder, if only for a moment, that I might have a similar power over him.

I cannot. It would not be possible. Impossible, but he shivers when I touch his neck. Impossible, but his breathing becomes heavier as I start unlacing his shirt.

Now I understand. I'm savoring it as well. Touching him. Or just… him.

I do have the power.

I do not know why in Gods name would Robb Stark hand such a power to the likes of me, but he did.

He crawled under my skin without me knowing it. And as difficult as it is for me to imagine it, I did the same to him.

He wants me. He wants my skin touching his skin just as much as I want it. He laughs at my jokes and he frowns when he sees me worried. And tonight, he married me again. With his own free will. Not for an alliance, not for an army, not for a crown. Even if we were married long before this night, he wanted to do it all the same. He married me because he wanted to marry me. Because he wants me to be the mother of his children. Because he calls me his family.

He wants me as much as I want him. I will never be able to understand why or how, but I have power over him.

He opens his eyes when I unlace his shirt; he takes it off and throws it to the ground and steps closer to me, with his hands on my face, smiling down at me, appearing to be in the same daze I was in.

"This is beautiful."

"It is."

"And so are you."

"I don't think…"

"And so are you." he says it again.

"Well…"

"Will you shut up if I kiss you?"

"Probably, yes."

"Good."

He kisses me. If he was not holding me, I think I would have fallen down.

This was different. Everything was different now.


	34. Chapter 34

**Guys, thank you so much for your kind reviews. I cannot express enough how much they mean to me.  
Now, it's officially the time for me to slow down, if only for a little bit. With a five day music festival and a 10 day holiday back to back AND a full time job, I'm pretty sure it's going to be impossible for me to update every other day. Not to mention that I am updating another story (self-promo – guilty: Power, Pleasure, Pain) but I am also writing one JonxOC story AND another one, that is a little bit more closer to Dany than to the Starks ;) (Speaking of that, should I put up chapter 1? What do you think?)  
All in all, I have to slow down, if only for a little bit. Only on quantity, not on quality.  
And I'll promise to give you a shocker in the next two chapters! :)  
So, let me know what you think and see you again in a couple of days! :)**

* * *

Stannis Baratheon was not the kindest of men. He was not a gentle, loving or dotting father. He was cold and distance. As much as I knew he had a place for me in his cold heart, it was not pleasant to live with that. I did have his respect and for a while, that was enough. It stopped being enough once Shireen started paying the same price I paid. Still, Stannis Baratheon had plenty to offer, more than most. He was just and smart, brave and proud. All of which, he tried to teach me to be.

I think it was successful, even if I have more heart than he does. Perhaps if I did not have a sister to take care of, I would have been as cold as he was.

He told me many, many things, but one of them had followed me, ever since I was old enough to understand what it truly meant.

Be respectful to elders, smart with equals and kind to those bellow you.

It had always made sense, given that I grew up like a proper lady and his heir. It became even more truthful when I became a princess. When I became a Queen, it was my reality.

A Queen I might be, but that does not mean there is no one smarter. I must listen to advice and that advice often comes from the elders I respect. Father and Davos held that position before. Now, it is Lady Catelyn. I have to be smart with equals because my entire family is at war. If we were to dance this dance, we need to be smart about it, knowing all the steps and watching our footing. Being a Queen, I have plenty of people positioned bellow me. And I need their love and respect. Which can only be earned by being smart with my decisions and kind with my words.

Yes, Stannis Baratheon taught me plenty of things. I loved and respected him, despite the anger I felt and the disagreements that never seemed to escape us. I respect him more than I respect anyone in this world. Ser Davos follows, but Father is still the one.

Why am I struggling to write him then?

I have been seated at the balcony of my temporary chambers in Riverrun, a quill in my hand, staring at the blank parchment before me.

All the questions I wanted to ask, all the words I wanted to say… none of it was reaching my quill. After I could not write anything, not for the life of me, I realize I do not have anything to say.

How sad is it? After everything that has happened, have we truly reached that road, where I do not have anything to say to the man I respected and loved? Not only a Father, but a King? He is still my King. At what moment did I decide that my husband council is enough?

Of course, that is good. I trust Robb and that is what needed to occur. But when did I stop trusting my Father? When did I stop needing his council? When did this change happen?

Deep down inside me, I still feel betrayed. I feel betrayed when I remember the ease with which he pushed me into Robb's arm. That might have ended well for me and yes, I did agree to it… but that ease… he was more than ready to do it, whether I agreed to it or not.

I grew up knowing that my marriage would be used as an alliance. I thought it would be to a Lord, or even a lesser Lord. A King was not an option when I was younger. When I became a Princess, when Father proclaimed himself the King, it was evident to me that my marriage will definitely be nothing more than an alliance. And I was alright with that. That is exactly why I agreed to marry Robb, even if that was the last thing I wanted to do.

I knew what I had to do and I did it. But at the same time, I did not want to be a Princess who listens to her King. I was a young girl that needed her father's protection. I needed it and I did not get it. As well as it had ended for me, as lucky as I am, I will never forget that my father was not my father when I needed him the most.

If he wins this war and becomes a King, I will make sure he remembers than he won the war over my bed. I will never let him forget it.

No wonder I have trouble writing him. I would much rather write to Ser Davos, if only he knew how to read. Shireen and I were both teaching him before we left for Winterfell. Progress has been made but I do not know if he would be able to read an entire sentence without guidance, and the words I wanted to write would not be meant for someone else's eyes. Not even Matthos's.

Am I truly going to communicate with Father only through my husband?

"Your Grace," I jump up in surprise, trying to hide my of the servants from Riverrun was standing at the balcony door. "His Grace asked for you to join him in the great hall."

"Did he give a reason?"

"No, Your Grace."

"Thank you," I nod, taking a deep breath as I put the quill down. "I will be there shortly."

I knew that Robb was having a meeting with his bannermen and Lord Edmure in the hall. When he asked if I wanted to attend, my response was that I will do so if he needs me to. Apparently, he has changed his mind. I leave the chambers straight away, not wanting to keep him waiting. The day is almost over and as tired as I feel, I know I will survive one council meeting. My first council meeting with his men.

I was unsure of what to say when two soldiers opened the door for me. I step in, nodding awkwardly when all of the men stood up, Robb included and nodded at me; he did not nod. He simply got up because a Lady was entering a room. Catelyn raised him well.

"You called for me?" I ask him, thinking how we must have a conversation on how I should call him when we are not in private. I might call him Robb when the doors close, but perhaps it is a mistake to do so in front of his men. It will be his call, as I have no problem with either.

"Yes," he nods. "Take a seat with us. You should be a part of it as well." He tells me.

No, I shouldn't. I do it all the same. I sit down next to him and I stay silent.

What I heard was what he spoke to Jon back in the camp. The same, only in more detail. I listen and in a way, I admire all of it. I admire how they can all have different views, yet admit when someone has a good point. What I admire even more is how they put all that aside and listen to Robb's decision, whatever it might be. All of them listen; all of them argue and give advice. Sometimes it's different, sometimes it's the same. But no matter what the advice is, they all listen to Robb.

Some men I knew, some men I recognized, although not by name. Edmure, Jon and Lord Umber I knew well. Lord Karstark was recognizable as well, but the rest of them were unknown faces, only vaguely familiar from the wedding and from the day before, when I entered a tent as they were leaving it.

I listen and stay silent, wondering why Robb even wanted me to be here.

"Well, we will leave tomorrow for the Twins and after that, we meet them on the battlefield." Robb concludes, earning a confused look from me.

"The Twins?" I ask, speaking up for the first time.

"Lord Frey has agreed to my newest proposal," he tells me. "We will go there for the wedding of Lord Edmure and his daughter. After that, his forces will join us in the battle." He tells me.

I look at the other men, wondering why they are not voicing their opinion on this. None of them looked troubled or confused and I realize this was all agreed on before I joined them. Robb already settled this and no one even tried to stop him. Well, now I know why he needs me here, even if he doesn't.

"Pardon my manners, but are you completely mad?" I ask him.

"Excuse me?"

The hall was silent as if it was empty. I could hear the breathing of the men in it, as they watch our exchange. I could see Robb's look of surprise and I know I should have used different words.

I know it I should have used different words, but those were the only ones I found fitting.

"Are you completely mad?" I repeat, watching as Robb's lips tighten and a frown takes over his face. "Do you truly find that to be a good idea?" I ask him.

"Your Grace, your lady Queen is right," a man speaks up and his armor tells me more about him than his face. He is a Tully, with Tully armor and his head held high. That has to be Blackfish Tully, Catelyn's Uncle. "Lord Frey is not a man of trust."

"My Lords, please give me a moment alone with my lady wife," Robb speaks up, looking directly at me. As the men get up and make their leave, I know I have never seen such a look on his face. It was anger looking down at me. Pure and clean anger. As the door closes behind Lord Edmure, I prepare myself for Robb's attack. "How dare you speak to me like that in front of my men?" he asks.

"A decision like that deserved such words to follow it." I tell him, not backing down.

"You called me a fool in front of my men!" he raises his voice.

"I did no such thing," I shake my head, feeling my own anger boil within me. "I never called you a fool, even if your decision was foolish."

"My decision is not foolish," he tells me. "And even if it was, you could have shared that in private."

"You are the one who said you want me to be your adviser. On our wedding night, you said that to me. Did you not?" I remind him. Unlike him, I seem to remember that very vividly. I remember because it was a surprise to me, knowing that he wants me as his partner and not as a bag of meat that will give him children. When he asked for my advice I thought he was going to be able to take it.

"I did, but not when you call me mad in front of my men."

"Is that the problem or is my disagreement a problem?" I ask him.

"Your disagreements will not change my decision."

"Oh, really?" I ask. "If that is the case, I ask you again. Are you completely and utterly mad?!" I shout.

"Why?"

"Because he will kill you!" I shout at him.

"No," he shakes his head at me. "We are going there for a wedding. Not even Walder Frey would break the guest right," he tells me. I watch in surprise, shocked with him actually believing that. I scoff, unsure of what words to use. "What?" he asks. I get out of my seat and start pacing.

"I cannot believe that you do not see the possible danger," I say, shaking my head as I pace, turning my back to him. "You broke an oath you gave to that man. You broke an oath and you think he will welcome you with open arms? You forget how greedy he is, do you? Your offer should not be good enough for him and men like Walder Frey do not agree to an offer they do not think they deserve."

"No one breaks the guest right," he tells me. "You never harm your guests, not after you break bread."

"Then he will break bread with you and butcher you in the garden!" I yell. "Do you truly not see how stupid it would be to march onto his territory?! With me, nonetheless? The very woman who caused you to break the oath?! And you truly expect him to greet us with arms open wide?"

"Why are you so certain he would betray me?"

"I know it."

"Why are you so certain he would kill me?"

"Because that is what my father would do!" I yell, finally reaching the point where I break. "If you were to betray him, he would kill you, guest rights or not! He would do it because you dishonored him and Walder Frey would do it for revenge! You insulted him. He thought his daughter will become a Queen. He probably planned the whole thing already. He thought he will be getting you and now you offer him Edmure. It is not enough, Robb. For a man like Walder Frey, not only is it not enough, but it is salt on the wound you inflicted! How can you not see it?" I wonder out loud.

I do not know if I am angrier at his action are at his sheer stupidity. Is he truly that blind? Does he not see how dangerous it would be to ally with a man he once betrayed, a man who is known to be indecisive, selfish and careful when making alliances?

"I do not think that will happen," he tells me. At least now, he was no longer shouting. "He would not dare."

"He would dare," I disagree with him. "He would dare. Robb, if you go there, I am positive you will not be coming back. If you are fighting this war, if you are to die, at least die from a worthy opponent and not from the hand of an old hag that is Walder fucking Frey!" I snap. I thought my anger was dying down as well, but he is completely delusional. I cannot believe that he does not see the danger he would be in if he was to go there. Guest laws? Guest rights? Walder Frey does not care about that. That will not stop Walder Frey from betraying Robb, especially not after Robb betrayed him.

If I was to go with him, that would make it even worse. That would be an insult of gigantic proportions.

"What do you suggest then?" he asks. I can tell that he is still angry and I am completely fine with that, because it finally seems that my words are affecting him and that he is seeing sense.

"Write him. Promise him the biggest wedding Westeros has ever seen, as soon as the war is over," I tell him. "You told me yourself. You don't need his men to win. You want his men to feel more comfortable with the numbers you have. If you do not absolutely need it, do not do it. Because he will betray you. Even if you live to see another day, he will find another way to stab you in the back. I will write him myself if you want me to. He will get his wedding; he will get rid of his daughter, but only when this war is over. Only when he has no one else he can ally with."

"His men will help me win the war." Robb shakes his head.

"If you go there, there will be no one to lead them," I shake my head. "I am not doing this alone, Robb Stark. If you are going to be angry because of it, so be it. But I am not letting you do this. Granted, I should have said that in private. And if you feel… emasculated by it, I apologize. But it was a stupid decision and you said you wanted an advisor. You don't have to look at me twice, if you do not want to. But I am not letting you do it. I am not letting you do this. If I am going to lose you, I am not going to lose you to that old rat."

I did it all wrong and I know it. I should have chosen better words. I should have done it when we were alone. I should never have shouted. I know I have made one mistake after another, in between a few breaths. I could not control myself when I should have. He is lucky. The alternative was to grab him by the shoulders and try to shake common sense into him. His stupidity and his lack of thought about this have left me speechless. I thought he knew better than this.

"You were wrong." He speaks up after a long period of silence. It seemed like eternity to me.

"Oh, what did I do wrong now?" I ask.

"You said I would not recognize you if I was to see you angry," he tells me. I frown, trying to remember when it was that I said that; it took me a moment to realize that I wrote it in a letter. I look at him; he was frowning, but he does not appear to be angry with me, not anymore. "I did not have trouble recognizing you at all. In fact, I saw Stannis Baratheon speaking out of you, clearer than before."

"You are wrong," I shake my head. "You told me once that you do not see me as his shadow. First mistake I made, first wrong thing I did and you mention him. It was a mistake and I apologize for it, but if it is what stops you to making the worst decision of your life, I will gladly do it all over again. If that makes me my Father's daughter, if that makes me like him, then so be it. At least now I know you will not hold back in mentioning my worst fears when I am the weakest. That is good to know."

"That is not why I say it," he tells me as he stands up and walks over to me. Since the day I married him, I had not been afraid of him. I am afraid of him now. The only thing that stopped me from shaking in fear and backing away was the blood in my veins. As he just pointed out, I am my father's daughter. Even if I am petrified, I will not show it. I stand as he looks down at me, not looking away. "Do not ever force my hand like that again," he tells me in a low voice. "Do not ever ashamed me like that again."

"I did not shame you," I disagree with him. "I said my opinion. If that is something you cannot handle, maybe you should look for another adviser. Or another title."

"My men…"

"Your men did not agree with you and you know it," I interrupt him. "Everyone makes mistakes, Robb. But if you plan to be a King, you'd better not make mistakes that can cost you your life. I am not doing this alone. Bear that in mind when you decide to risk your life for getting the support of a thousand men whose help you do not really need."

"You do not know war."

"I know men," I shake my head. "I have known men like Walder Frey my entire life. Men who turn as the wind blows. And you have known them too. Your friend was one of those men." I remind him.

"Theon?"

"Theon," I confirm. "Perhaps you should actually listen to someone's advice next time." I say and I turn around from him, ready to make my leave. I did not expect him to pull me by the hand and closer to him. I do not react, as I am still very angry with him.

"Are you done now?" he asks me. "I will not go to Walder Frey. I will do as you suggested. I will do as my men suggested. So tell me, are you done now?" he asks.

"So long as you do not make any stupid decisions." I tell him.

"Are you done now?" he asks me again.

"Yes."

I would be less surprised with a slap across the face, even knowing that Robb is not the kind of man to strike a woman. Truly, I would have been less surprised by it. too fast for me to react, he puts his hands on my waist, pulls me closer to him and kisses me right on the lips, giving me a strong and passionate kiss. Although I was still angry at him for this mess he made, surprise and passion take over me.

He is the one that pulls away, his breathing heavy as he leans his forehead on mine; he is not the only one breathing heavily.

"Do not ever force my hand again."

"Do not ever give me a reason to do it," I say, still not backing down. This time, however, I take a more gentle approach. I part from him but I place my hands on his face, pulling the curls away from it. "You are a King and you know I respect that. You are my husband and you know I respect that. I am well aware that I am a woman and that as a woman, I do not have the same rights, not even the right to speak my mind without earning an eye roll or two. You are my husband and I follow your lead. But I am also a daughter to a King, Robb. My alliance may be with you, and trust me, if you go into death, I would gladly follow you, but I also have a different duty. When Stannis Baratheon dies, I will inherit his crown. As your Queen, I should not challenge you, not in front of others. But as Stannis Baratheon's daughter, as a Princess and a Queen to be, I have every right to do so. I do not want to force your hand. But if you are about to put yourself in danger and prevent yourself from fulfilling a promise you gave me repeatedly, I will do that and more. You are kind and just, as your Father was. Your Father died because he was kind and just and he did not want to play the game. You do not want to play it either, but we are at war and we cannot escape it. I know how to play the game. I was raised in the game. You play war and I will play the game and we might actually win this. If you die in battle, you will die a warrior and you will be celebrated and honored for years to come. It would bring me great grief but I know you would die fighting for what you believe in. As your partner in this and as Stannis Baratheon's daughter and heir, I refuse to let you do it. As your wife, I beg of you to not do it. You can make a choice which version you should listen to. As a Queen, I advise you against it. As your wife, I promise you that I will not let you die at the hands of a rat that only cares about his old ass. If that means that you will be angry with me, I will take that anger. But I will not let you die by being stabbed in the back. Do you hear me?"

"I hear you," he nods his head. "I hear you and I am wondering what the hell was I thinking when I married you."

Now, this was a slap on it's own. My hands drop and I pull away from him, only for him to pull me back.

"Not like that, you crazy woman," he laughs. I cannot even follow his emotions anymore. "Not like that, you crazy, beautiful woman. I'm not insulting you. I'm wondering what I did to deserve you."

"When you say things like that, I wonder the same." I mumble, earning a laugh from him.

"A tongue sharper than my sword." He laughs.

"Be careful not to cut yourself."

I did not expect him to take my comment as literally as he did. As soon as I stopped talking, his lips were on mine and unlike last time, he did not show any signs of moving away from me anytime soon.

And neither did I. Almost instantly, all of it falls out of my mind, leaving room for nothing but desire. A desire that is going to leave me mad, and judging by the way he lifted me up, it will have the same effect on him. The little sense I had left me the moment he leaned us on the table, while tugging at the laces on the back of my dress.

I wonder if all fights end in such a way.

* * *

I do not understand why I cannot stop looking at him. Everything else seems rational, albeit unusual. It is explainable. But I do not understand why I cannot stop looking at his face. I have been staring at it for a very long time and to make matters worse, he could not seem to stop looking at me either.

It was both amazing and frightening, how fast we got from shouting to this. I do not think I was ever as angry as I was today. The worst part about it is that I am obviously worried. I wish it was the war I was worried for. I wish I wanted to stop him because I want our chances to win to stay strong. I wish I could say I did it all because I was thinking of the years to come. Actually, I was thinking of years to come. But not of Westeros. No, I was being selfish and I was thinking of my years to come. I wanted to stop him not because I was worried for the future of this war, but because I was trying to save him. Not the war, him. And along with him, myself. Because there is no chance I would ever do this on my own.

I did it simply because I did not want to lose him. When I stopped and took a breath, I stated a few other reasons, but it all falls short in comparison. Of course, it should not come as surprise that I want my husband to stay alive, but it was stronger than that. I do not want him to stay alive for my benefit. I want him to stay alive simply because I want him alive.

I care for him. More than I probably know and definitely more than I'll ever admit. At least not to him.

"I have a feeling that we should talk, but I," I start, stopping to take a deep breath. "I do not know what I should say."

"Neither do I."

We stay silent. I know that I need to break the silence, but I do not know what to say. Do I tell him? Do I tell him that I care for him? He knows it, but knowing it and hearing it are two different things. I have proven it as well. Does he need to hear it from me? In those very words? Should I tell him?

"What do we do now?" I ask.

"You rule Winterfell and I win a war."

"That simple, is it?" I ask, causing him to laugh. I wanted to stand my ground, but only a moment later, I break and join in on the laughter. For reasons I cannot quite explain, I lift my hand up and I touch his face. I have been doing that a lot lately. If I cannot use my words, perhaps I can use my hand to show him a little bit of affection. Passion is passion, completely unattached to everything else. Passion does not always go hand in hand with affection.

"I don't want you to leave," he tells me, staring down at me with those blue eyes of his. "I don't want you to leave for Winterfell."

"Then order me to stay."

"I will never order you anything," he shakes his head. "Never."

"Then ask me to stay," I correct myself. "You are a King. If you want someone to stay, that someone will stay. No one would question it. I certainly wouldn't."

"You know I want to do that," he sighs. That sigh told me more than his words did. Yes, he wants to do that and no, he will not do that. "There is no one else I would trust with Winterfell."

"Not even your mother?" I ask, challenging him. He is not the only one that does not want me to leave.

"Not on her own," Robb shakes his head. "Both of us need to grow. We will grow only if we face our worst fears. And you fear ruling. You do not want to do it."

"No," I admit. "I would give it all up this instant."

"All of it?" Robb asks me.

"Yes. Well, almost all of it," I admit, realizing my mistake. "I would still be fine with being Father's heir, but I would gladly give up the crown. And after everything we have been through… I don't think I would be glad to give you up." I confess. Ugh, I should have kept my mouth shut. "We have both given effort. We have both worked hard to make this… work. Now that it appears to be working, I do not want to give it up for a chance to do all the same with someone else. And I do not think someone else would be as kind to me as you were." I add. It sounded as if I was lazy and I would not want to bother and give effort to anything, ever again. It is more than that.

"When I started this war, I wanted my sisters and my father back," Robb speaks up, still looking at me. "One of my sisters is home and the other one is not in the hands of the Lannisters. Father is dead. I have no reason to wear a crown on my head. It is simply too late to turn back and leave the war. I am not fighting for my family anymore; I am fighting for the North. And I would give it all up as well. All of it but you. But I can't. It is too late. For me, for you… You need to go to Winterfell, I need to win and perhaps one day, we will get some peace."

"We fight for peace?" I ask him.

"What else are we fighting for if not for that?" he asks me.

"I do not know," I shake my head. "We are not the only ones who did not want this. Father did not want the crown no more than I did. The only reason he wants it now is because it should be his. He never charged into this because of power. Justice is his only motivation. And as you said, it is too late for us to turn around and scatter off, with our tails between our legs. We started it, we all started it and it must be finished, no matter the cost."

Gods, I sound more like Father with each passing day. It is in moments like these when I wish that Selyse was a bigger and better role model for me. Taking after her might have been simpler than this.

"I need to go into battle. And you need to return to Winterfell."

"I will leave tomorrow then." I agree, knowing that this is not something we can change. Yes, if we truly wanted to, we could, but that could cost us. Whether I am comfortable with that or not, I am a distraction for him. For these days that I have been with him, he has not spent much time discussing battle plans, not nearly as much as he spent in bed with me. If we are to win this, we need to win it properly. He needs to go into battle and he needs to do so undistracted.

And I have my own lessons to learn. I cannot simply leave the land I am ruling just because I feel lonely. I have a duty to fulfill and after all, I am married to a Stark. If I am a part of his family, I have to start living up to our reputation.

"That would make this our last night together." Robb smiles down at me. It was evident that he was not all too happy about it, even if he was smiling. The little time that we had was not enough. While my place might be in Winterfell, my place is also next to him.

"For now." I promise as plant a kiss on his lips.

We have come a long way from that day at Dragonstone. I remember how my hands were shaking, both with fear and anger. I remember how my heart dropped when Melisandre suggested a marriage pact. And more than anything, I remember how I was amazed at my own stupidity, not having seen that happening, when it was completely obvious. I was afraid of him, afraid of marriage.

I am still afraid of marriage, but with each day and with each kiss, the fear was disappearing.

And as I was about to shake it away for good, I have to leave again. It feels like a nightmare. A nightmare in which I am going down a dark hallway, making my way towards a door. The first time I woke up, I was halfway through the hallway. The next time I woke up, I was a few feet away from it. And now I woke up as I put my hand on the door handle, ready to open it for the first time.

Knowing that I am to leave again, I understand that time will pass before I finally open that door. Given that I both want and need that door open, that is not something I am happy with. The closer I get to it, the more frustrating it gets.

As we concluded, I need to leave and so does he. We need to do our duty. We started this and if we are to continue with our lives, we must finish it. One way or the other, it needs to come to an end.

Robb took my earlier warning seriously. This was our last night, and every move of his was a reminder of why I should never leave.

I did not want to do it. Gods, how much I do not want to leave! I could go wherever, to the very end of the world, so long as I was with him. Winterfell was lonely. Even with my sister, even with his family, clouds of loneliness followed my every move and that cloud did not follow me here. He pushed the clouds away. Once again, his power over me was proven.

It was only a temporary goodbye, I reminded myself over and over again.

I did not leave his arms until I had to. But when the morning came, our horses were saddled and I took my leave with Gendry, with six of Robb's men following us on our way back home.


	35. Chapter 35

**Two words for ya, darlings. Time. Jump.**

* * *

Sign and stamp. Read, sign and stamp. Another sign and stamp, without reading it. Read, sign and stamp. And I have barely scratched the surface.

"Did you tell him yet?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I do not want to."

"Sophia!" Shireen whines, causing me to finally look up from the papers in front of me and up at her; she was pouting. Shireen never was a difficult child and she never was the one to pout. Given how much her life has changed since this war started, it was foolish of me to not see this change coming.

"Shireen, we had this discussion before," I sigh, putting my quill down. "Absolutely not. My word is final." I say, pretending to be stricter than I actually am.

"You are a Queen, you know you can change things."

"Yes, I am a Queen. And that makes my word even more final than it was before. Super final, if you will."

"Sophia!" she whines.

"Shireen!" I whine, imitating her, causing her to narrow her eyes at me. "In all seriousness Shireen, I can't allow you to do that. Father would be against it. I am against it." I say, realizing that it does not matter what Father says when it comes to Shireen. As much as she is his daughter, she is in my care. I am the one who is raising her now and pretending like I haven't been doing it from the start.

"Sophia, why can't I do it when you are doing it?" she asks me.

"For one, I have ten years on you. I am an adult, Shireen," I tell her, watching as a frown appears on her face, for the hundredth time today. "Second of all, I am not doing it out of fun and you should know it. If they all die, I will be the last line of defense. If I am to defend, I have to know how to do it."

"I never wanted something this much, Sophia." Shireen tells me. The problem with having a sister that knows you well is that she also knows you well enough to trick you. Yes, her words seemed to be truthful, but I taught her. I know exactly what kind of monster I created.

"Shireen, no," I announce, still standing my ground. "You will not learn how to swordfight and I will not have Gendry make you your own sword. Once you are older, I might have a change of heart. For now, my word is final. And I would really appreciate if you would stop wasting your words on it."

I watch in silence as she storms out of the room, slamming the door behind her. I believe this is the first time I have ever seen my sister having such a tantrum.

I talked to Catelyn about it and she promised that all of them go through that. In fact, she said that once they reach a certain age, girls become more difficult to handle. While they are still very young, boys are the ones that are a handful. I wish Catelyn's words offered some reassurance.

Two things I can hope for. One, that my children will be calmer, gods be good. And the other is that I do plan to keep the number lover than Catelyn's. That is, I hope to keep the number lower.

Gods, weeks ago, it was one child, one heir and now I am thinking about more! And I was starting to feel pride over the fact that Robb and I did not mention, not once, the fact that we need to have an heir. We simply ignored that and chose to focus on other things. And here I am now, thinking of numbers.

At least it is a logical step. One child, a second child. Perhaps even a third.

"Come in," I speak up when a knock interrupts my thoughts. "Sansa." I smile at her.

"Lara said you wanted to speak to me?" Sansa smiles at me as she closes the door behind her.

"Yes, I do," I nod. "If you have a moment, that is."

"Of course," she agrees as she takes a seat in front of me. "What is the matter?"

Sansa and I got along well. The girl liked me well enough and my opinion of her was that she was a very lovely and kind girl. To be fair, we did not talk that much. Sansa stood by her mother's side and while she did form a connection with Shireen, I fell behind. As well as we got along, I did not want to force my presence on her. By the time she finally seemed to be at peace with being back home and with me, I made my leave for the Wall. Then I went to the Riverlands before we could have a proper conversation.

It needs to be fixed. It is not a question of pride or me wanting to be loved by my husband's family. It is more about common sense. We live together, we are a family. We need to act like that too.

"I wanted to speak with you about a discussion your brother and I had while I was at Riverrun." I say, going through my papers, searching for the one I had prepared earlier. "He asked me to write on our behalf. Well, on your behalf. Regarding the annulment of your marriage to Tyrion Lannister."

"Oh."

"It is not simple, I am afraid," I admit, seeing how her smile dropped instantly. "I am sure you know that annulments are a rarity and only happen in extreme occasions. Unfortunately, your marriage was an extreme occasion. It was made under duress, which is reason enough and if that is not convincing enough to the Maesters in the Citadel… well, it was not consummated. I wrote the letter earlier but I wanted you to read it before I send a raven. After all, I am speaking on your behalf." I say as I hand her the letter. I sit in silence and watch as she reads it.

I can only imagine what it is like for the poor girl. I did not have much of an option either, but no one twisted my hand. I married because my father needed that marriage. Sansa did not have the luxury of a free will. And as someone who met Tyrion Lannister on many occasions, I doubt had he had it either.

"Do you believe that this will be enough?" she asks me once she is done with reading.

"I think so, as does your brother," I tell her. "I imagine that Tyrion's lovely family will fight us on it, but we have the Faith on our side in this one. It is no secret that you were their prisoner when the marriage was made and Tyrion did not touch you. Annulments were made with less."

"What if I do not want to have the marriage annulled?" Sansa speaks up.

"I'm sorry?" I ask, positive that I did not hear her correctly.

"What if I do not want it annulled?" she asks me. "What do we do then?"

"Sansa, I am very confused," I speak up, once the initial surprise simmers down and I realize that she did just say what I thought she said. "Why would you want to stay in a marriage you did not want to be in to begin with?" I ask her. I do not want to call her words foolish, but… I was not under the impression that she married out of love. I might have to eat my own words, it would seem.

"Tyrion Lannister was kind to me," she tells me, looking down as she fiddles her fingers; she could not even look me in the eye. "He did not touch me and he promised not to do so until I want him to. He did not hurt me in any way. More than that, he protected me. He never did me wrong and between those… snakes, he was the only one who was actually nice to me."

Well, I was not ready for this. And given that Robb never considered anything other than an annulment, I doubt he expected this either. Not only am I surprised by her words, but I do not know how to react. What do I say to her? What words do I use?

I think for a moment. I think until I realize I should not judge, nor pretend to understand.

"When Uncle Robert became King, everything changed," I say, earning a surprised look from Sansa, who clearly was not expecting me to take this direction. "Father was not home as much as he was before. He became a part of the small council, master of ships. Therefore, he was often in King's Landing. At times, he would return. Other times, we would join him. I spent a big part of my life in King's Landing. I was young and there are many things I did not recognize, back at the time. I did not know that every other smile was fake. That every kind word was followed by a hidden eye-roll. I was blind to those things and I am not ashamed to admit that. As a child, I did not know any better. As blind as I was to that, I would notice that something was not quite right. My Uncle was a vile man. A long time ago, he might have been different, but that is not the Robert I met. Cersei Lannister was… too important to be spending time with a child, even if said child was her niece. Jaime Lannister too. The only person that I actually liked in that complete and utter snake pit was Tyrion Lannister." I admit.

"How is he so different from the rest of them?"

"Well, I think he was broken by them," I tell her. "If you have been broken before, you are not going to enjoy watching the culprits do the same to others. Tyrion is not the kindest man I know, not even close. But he is kinder than all of them combined."

"He saved me from Joffrey," Sansa tells me. "You don't know what Joffrey is like."

"Don't I?" I ask with a dry laugh. "Sansa, he is my cousin. Well, now we know that he is not, as there is not a Baratheon bone in his body. But we thought he was. I know him. I might have been lucky enough to not be the target of his torture, but that does not mean I am not aware of what that boy could do."

I do not think I was the most intelligent child that was ever born. In fact, my little sister seems to be smarter than I am, or at least than I was at her age. Intelligence and paying attention to something are two very different things. I did not recognize Joffrey as the… maniac that he was. No matter how hard I was to try, no matter how infinite my imagination could be, I do not think I could ever come close to guessing what he was capable of doing. I did notice that he was a vain little boy, full of pride without anything to support that pride with. But he was a child. I didn't expect that he'd never grow out of it.

"I think that Tyrion Lannister saved my life," Sansa speaks up, again avoiding eye contact with me. "I do not want to get the marriage annulled if that could get him in trouble."

"What kind of trouble?" I ask her. As far as I know, if a marriage is annulled, both can marry again.

"Tywin Lannister was the one who wanted that marriage," she tells me. "And he does not care for his son. I think he might do something to Tyrion."

It is a well-known fact that Tywin Lannister does not care for his youngest son, but I doubt any harm could come to Tyrion. If he truly wanted his son dead, he would have arranged that long ago. Not that he has not considered it; I am sure he has.

"Sansa… this should be up to you," I admit. As of now, it is not up to her and that is wrong. "If something was to happen to Robb, Jon and me, you will be the heir to Winterfell. Which means that Tyrion could strut into Winterfell and take it over as your husband. Which is not something we want to see."

"I do not think he would do that."

"Neither do I, but it is a realistic possibility."

"What about something happening to Robb, Jon and you? Is that a realistic possibility? Is it realistic to think that the three of you will all die together?" she asks. Well, I was pleasantly surprised. Sansa might seem all shy, ladylike and quiet, but she knows how to show her teeth if need be.

"Alright, fair enough," I say, smiling when I see her smile growing as well. "Chances are very slim that that will happen. That being said, I do know your brother would rather not think of that threat, as he has enough threats to think of without it. I can try to stall, but sooner or later, he'll ask about it and I do not think we have been married long enough for me to know exactly how to lie to him. Besides, I do not want to lie to him. I can stall but there is not much else I can do."

"For how long?" Sansa asks me sheepishly.

"Well, either until Robb dies or I see him again. Avoiding is easier when you simply write to each other."

"How long will he be away?" Sansa asks me.

"I do not know, Sansa," I shake my head, laughing. "How come we never see baby pigeons? If it was up to me, he would have been here a long time ago. But I am not complaining. At least now they are making some progress." I sigh, recalling Robb's previous letter. They are finally making military moves, moves that were much needed. Slowly, they are pushing the Lannisters down. Well, he is. Father is still hoping to catch them by surprise. And all of it will be in vain if they do not win over Casterly Rock.

"So, you will not send the letter?" she asks me.

"No, for now," I confirm. "Hopefully Robb will not ask about it anytime soon."

"If he does, I will write him," she tells me. "I will explain it all." she promises.

"No," I give her a small smile, shaking my head. "Robb may be your brother but he is also a man. I believe only a woman knows what it is like for a woman to not know what she is feeling. I will cover for you, I will stall until you figure out what it is that you want. However, I think you should write Tyrion. If you are unsure, perhaps his approval will help you make a decision?" I suggest.

I do not know what is holding her back. If she was in love with Tyrion, she would fight it with more ferocity. If she was in love with him, she never would have fled King's Landing to begin with. I imagine she is confused. That is understandable; I have a few years on her and I am still confused. Not to mention that I actually like my husband.

"Would the letter ever reach him?" Sansa asks as I get up from behind the desk.

"If anyone has his ways around King's Landing, it has to be Tyrion Lannister. He'll get it." I assure her.

"Thank you," she smiles at me, before frowning. "Are you ill?" she asks as she sees me pour liquid from a vial into a goblet. I stay silent as I pour water into the goblet too, before closing my eyes and drinking it quickly, hoping not to taste it. Ugh, I do. And it is disgusting. "Sophia?"

"Not exactly," I admit as I return to my seat. I see Sansa's confusion grow as I battle whether I should tell her or not. I have already raised suspicion. Gods, I am such an idiot. I should have waited until she was out of the room! "I am with child. Probably."

"Oh!" Sansa jumps up, her eyes wide. "Oh! Congratulations!" she yells, beaming.

"No, Sansa, no," I jump up. "Please don't yell. Let's not let the whole of Winterfell know."

"Well, why not?" she laughs. "We should be celebrating! Why haven't you mentioned this earlier? Gods, you haven't touched wine since you returned, you knew all along! How did Robb react? Was he happy?" she asks me, smiling as I have never seen her smile before. She was genuinely happy.

"Sansa, no one knows. Not even Robb," I say, as her eyes widen. "Maester Luwin and I are the only ones who know. Well, now you as well. It should not be announced, not this soon." I tell her.

"But it is such a joyous occasion! Those are wonderful news, Sophia. Robb would be ecstatic. And Mother, oh, she would be so happy!"

"I know," I agree. As if I was not feeling guilty enough before hearing her words. "I know. Trust me, if it was up to me, I'd yell from the top of a tower. But we are at war. If the enemy was to know that I am with child, that I am carrying Robb Stark's heir and Stannis Baratheon's grandchild… that might put a target on my back. An even bigger target than the one I already have. I know that Robb would not want to risk it. Besides, it is too early to tell. I might not even be with child. Perhaps it is just a… change I am going through. We cannot know for sure, not until it starts to show." I tell her.

Also, I am the daughter of Selyse Florent. Selyse Florent, who gave birth to two daughters and no sons. Selyse Florent who had three stillborn children and numerous miscarriages. If there is one thing I have learned from Selyse Florent, it is to not announce that I am with child too soon.

"I understand," Sansa agrees. I know I could have explained it better. I did not wish to burden her. It is bad enough that I am worried sick. I do not need anyone else losing sleep because of this. It is in Sansa's best interest to preserve the little innocence she had. She is a long way away from being worried about her own children. She does not need to know how risky it actually is. "I will not say a word."

"Thank you," I tell her, leaning over the table to squeeze her hand in mine. "Thank you." I repeat.

"You must be so happy."

"I am," I admit, finally allowing myself to smile at the thought of it. "It was all we needed. And it happened at the right time. Still, it is…"

"Too soon," she finishes in my stead. "I know. I will not tell Mother. But she will know soon," Sansa sheepishly tells me. "She has an eye for these things. She is like a hawk, she sees everything."

"Well, I have fooled her so far, haven't I?" I joke, earning a laugh from Sansa. "Go on, I do not wish to take you away from your obligations. It is all settled. Promise me you will consider writing to him."

"I promise," she nods her head before standing up. "Be careful."

"Sansa, if you start talking like that, everyone will find out in a matter of days," I laugh at her. "Do not worry. I am drinking what Maester Luwin told me to drink. I am not doing anything that is physically demanding, I have plenty of rest and I eat well. Now, pretend like you know nothing."

"I know nothing," she announces proudly. "But be careful."

"Sansa!" I laugh as she rushes towards the door; I am still laughing as she closes the door behind her.

I should not have told her anything at all, but it is so… relieving, to finally share it with someone. I have been silent for weeks now. I have known for weeks. Well, from my journey back to Winterfell. I have been on a few long journeys lately and I had to deal with some unfortunate monthly circumstances, all the while trying to keep it inconspicuous, given that I was traveling with men.

I kept my count of days and by the time I realized that I should be in the same kind of trouble again, I was already close to Winterfell. Which was good, since I asked for Maester Luwin as soon as I got back.

For weeks, I have been carrying this secret and it is slowly killing me. I wish to talk to Catelyn, who has been through this five times. If anyone knows how I am feeling, it is Catelyn. Talking to Sansa helped, but she is a girl. A girl whose mother only ever gave birth to strong, healthy children. The only person I could truly talk to was Maester Luwin, and not even he could say much. All the signs were there and we will wait for it to become noticeable. Until then, I will be drinking potions, the same Catelyn drunk when she was pregnant with all her children.

More than anything, I wish I could let Robb know. I wanted to write to him as soon as I realized it is true. I wanted to turn that bloody horse around the moment I suspected it! Unfortunately, that was not possible. Like I told Sansa, it is still not certain. And certain or not, it is not safe for us to announce it for the whole world to hear.

It is not the announcement I felt eager about. I couldn't care less. Yes, I'd want everyone to know, but not at any cost. What I really wanted was to tell Robb that he will be a father.

We did it. The one thing we needed to do, the most important task that we had, we finally did it. We will have an heir. All of that is true but it is also so much more. Finally, we are building a family. He said that he wants me to be the mother of his children. I would give everything I have for a chance to go back to him and watch his face as I tell him that I am carrying his child in me.

I do not even need to look in the mirror to know I am beaming. I have been beaming for a while now.

* * *

"Your sister is a real pain in my backside," Gendry speaks up, approaching me across the courtyard. "She has been nagging me to make her a bloody sword. I can see the family resemblance."

"Oh, shut it," I roll my eyes. "She is relentless."

"Again, it runs in the family apparently."

"Gendry," I give him a warning look. "Whatever she says or does, do not give in. Alright?"

"Of course not," he laughs. "It's bad enough you have been running around with a sword."

"I haven't been running around anywhere lately, let alone with a sword."

"Ruling, huh?" he asks and I nod my head. Ruling. They all speak of the honor, pride and responsibility. Yet somehow, no one ever mentions the amount of papers you must read and sign and the letters you have to write. "Are you missing the road already?"

"Gods no," I shake my head. "I'll take papers over a long road any day. Actually, I am taking that back." I sigh as I notice Catelyn coming are way. I recognized the look at once; there has been a problem.

"Sophia, I must speak with you," she tells me as she approaches us.

"Feel free to speak in front of Gendry," I tell her. "We trust him, perhaps more than we should." I say, causing Gendry to roll his eyes and Catelyn to smile. Her smile disappeared too soon for my liking.

"We have received word from Pyke," she tells me. "One of ours is there, disguised as a merchant. He sent a raven and they could not find you first. It would appear as if the Ironborn are gathering their forces and ships." She tells me.

"Gathering them to go where?" I ask.

"We do not know," she tells me with a sigh. "A raven is already on its way to Robb, I sent the very letter we received. For all we know, they could have joined forces with the Lannisters."

"Or they could be on their way to get their heir that is locked up in our dungeons," I sigh, not knowing for sure which option was worse. On one hand, Robb and Father could be in a bigger danger. On the other hand, we could be in very serious danger. We have men here but not enough to stop an invasion.

"Whatever it is, Robb and King Stannis have to know at once," Catelyn tells me. "We will see what we shall do then. If they are making their way to Winterfell, they have a long journey in front of them and other Northern houses to pass."

"Yes, Northern houses that are fighting in the South," I add; I did not realize how grim I sounded. "We need someone up here, either Robb or Jon."

"Who are also fighting in the South."

Jon should have stayed. Jon should have stayed in Winterfell, no matter how much Robb needed him by his side. While my husband seems to have faith in me and while I have proven myself to be capable so far, I am absolutely possible that I do not have the knowledge and experience to stop a siege.

Jon should have stayed. Robb should have stayed.

* * *

As she did every morning, Lana was the one who woke me up. As I did every morning, I groaned and complained while she opened up the windows with a smile, to get some fresh air into the chambers.

"Are there any urgent letters waiting for me?" I ask, hoping Robb had answered. We still have plenty of time, but I would rather have him telling me what to do when it comes to the Ironborn. If he could send some men up to Winterfell, that would also be helpful and much appreciated but as of now, I just want him to tell me what to do.

"Many letters, none of them urgent, Your Grace."

"Of course not," I sigh, burying my face into my pillow. "Could you just pretend you let me sleep in, Lana?" I ask her, my voice muffled; I could hear her laugh.

"I could, Your Grace, just like I do every other morning," I hear her say. "Before you realize that you do have to be up, even if you could allow yourself to have one slow morning. Now, I simply prefer to wait until you realize it, since you are going to be changing orders either way, Your Grace."

"Oh Lana, you know me so well," I laugh. "But you are right. I do deserve a slow morning. Alas, I have to get up early and be a proper Queen." I sigh as I lift myself up.

"Of course, Your Grace," Lana smiles. "Oh. Oh my. Worry not, Your Grace, I will clean that up." Lana rushes towards me and I look at her in confusion. For a moment, I did not realize what she was talking about, but I noticed what she was looking at. That is when I saw the pool of blood on my nightshirt.

"Lana, call for Maester Luwin." I mumble, looking down in horror.

"Your Grace, it is just moon blood, no need to worry. I will clean it up in no…"

"Lana, call for Maester Luwin right away!" I snap at her, feeling the panic rise in my chest. Lana realized that I was not joking and she ran out of the chambers, only stopping to close the door behind her.

It is either moon blood and I was wrong, or…

Even if I was with child, I am not with child anymore.

Why am I so calm? I'm staring at the pool of blood and I am not crying or shouting. I am just… staring at it. I cannot move, I cannot yell, I cannot weep or call for anyone. I am just sitting and staring at all of the blood. Moon blood… it was never like this. But I am not in pain. I should be in pain. I remember that my mother was in great pain when…

Well of course. I might have the blood of Stannis Baratheon but I also have the blood of Selyse Florent.

* * *

 _Dear Robb,_

 _I thought I was done with writing in this book, I really did._

 _See, when I returned to Winterfell, I did not even look at it twice. Here is where I would write everything I wanted to write directly to you, but did not have the courage to do so. Pages are full, but I have not written in it since the last time I saw you. No, everything I wanted to tell you I told you. There were no more secrets, no more calculations. Everything I wanted to write to you, I did. Until now._

 _I do want to tell you this, but I can't. I can't._

 _Maester Luwin tells me he believes it is moon's blood, simply because I felt no pain. He is guessing, just as much as I am. That is the thing with women and childbirth no one ever warns you about. No one can know for sure, not until your belly is perfectly rounded, which mine never got to be. It is all a guessing game because the bloody moon's blood is never certain, is it? It tricked me many times, many, many times, but never when there was an actual possibility of me being with child._

 _I thank the Gods that I did not share my suspicions with you. Having my hopes lifted only for them to end on the floor, shattered, is horrible. The only thing that would make it worse would be the knowledge that I did the same to you as well._

 _I did not want to put it in a letter, even though I knew you would not complain. No, I wanted to tell you in person, to see your reaction, to see you beaming with joy. Well, I'd like to imagine you would beam with joy. Perhaps you would feel indifferent, or worried. I think you would be happy. I have known you for a while now and I think that you do want to be a father. This child would have been a child, not an heir, would it not?_

 _Gods, it is possible that I never was with child to begin with! I know I should think of it in such a way, but even so, I still failed, haven't I? We failed. Once again, we had to have an heir and once again, we do not have it. I thought… we did not mention it once and we shared so many moments… It was not duty, it was passion. It was passion to both of us and I could feel it on every inch of my skin, pure passion. I thought that perhaps a child could be made in such a passion. Would it not be better than to have one born out of duty? And again, nothing._

 _You never mentioned it to me, but I know you must have heard stories. The whole realm has. Stannis Baratheon's wife could not give him a child. After a long and difficult delivery, a girl was born. For many years, no child was born that survived. Miscarriage after miscarriage, stillborns… Shireen was the last one. After her, nothing. Selyse could not do it. She wanted to. I know it Robb, I have seen it with my own to eyes. I was a child but I remember how happy she was and then how much she grieved._

 _What if it is in my blood? What if carry the same burden my mother carried for so many years? What if I cannot give you a son, just like she could not give one to Father? What if I cannot give you a child at all?_

 _Then what? What do I do then? They all claimed I was healthy, but they claimed the same for Selyse. What if they were wrong? Our unborn child was the very basis of this alliance. What if I cannot have children? What do I do then?_

 _I wish that the alliance is the only thing I am worried about._

 _Gods be good, I don't even know when it happened! I know that I wanted this child. Not because it would seal the alliance but because I want to have your children, Robb! I want to have them. I want to be a mother. The very thought frightens the life out of me, but I want it. I want you to be a father and I want to be the one that gives you that gift._

 _Dammit, I wanted to give you the one thing Talisa never could._

 _I care for you and I wanted this and now I do not know what to do. And I cannot talk to anyone. And I have to tell Sansa that…_

 _I am scared. I am so, so scared. I do not want to fail you._

 _I do not want to end the marriage I have only just started to enjoy. I want us to be a family. I really do._

* * *

 **Well…  
I kept all of the Starks alive (sorry Ned, RIP), I had to do something evil :(  
It won't be fun watching Sophia deal with this, let me tell you. I'll update soon again. Let me know what you think! :)**


	36. Chapter 36

**Well, here's a new chapter. I'll do my best to update at least one more before I leave for my holiday and hopefully, come back with more ideas :)  
Worry not; I can only be mean for so long.  
I do have some news. Being the crazy person that I am, I started a new story. Yup, a new one. It's a DanyXRobbXJonXOC love… square? Yup. If anyone is interested, it is called "The Missing Pieces". I will take it slow with that one, but I'd love to know what you think.  
So, you know the drill with this one. If you love it, tell me, if you know it, tell me. I hope you love it, tho :)**

* * *

I watch as the raven flies away with my letter and I cannot help but wonder if Robb will know that something was wrong. I tried to hide it as best as I possibly could, but when I read the letter over, I was not sure if I succeeded or not.

It was dry. Not even my first letters were as dry as this one was. I could not add any emotion to it, because if I did, I would have to tell him everything and that is the last thing I wanted to do. No one likes to admit they have failed, especially not to the person who depended on them the most. Perhaps one day, when this is all over and we get a chance for a normal, happy life, I tell him. I could not do it now. My letter was more like a report than an actual letter and I worry that he might notice it.

I have never dealt with grief, never before in my entire life. And in a way, this was grief. I cannot say if I was grieving a child I lost or if it was grief for a missed opportunity, but it was grief, without a doubt. When you do not have experience in something, you are walking blindly, hitting walls and people who pass you by, hoping that somehow, you will reach that damned door you wanted to open. It was that door, the one from my dream, which I kept reaching for, without actually opening it.

The worst part of it all was actually telling Sansa that it was all a mistake. I was hoping to make her think that we were wrong and that the option of me losing the child was not a possibility. I'm afraid Sansa was a bit too smart for that. She asked only once, and when she saw I could not deny it as a possibility, she did not ask of it again. Nor did she offer any words of comfort; I did not expect him, given that she is still a child. What she did do was something I did not expect; she grabbed my hand and held it firmly, long enough for me to realize that it was her way of silently supporting me.

As for the rest of them, no one knew. And I did not show. I would save my sadness for the night, when the door was closed and a pillow muffled my cries.

"Your Grace," Lana jumps up as soon as she sees me; she was waiting by the door of my chambers, just like she has been doing since that day. "Do you need anything?" she asks me, just like she has been doing since that day. I believe my reaction told her that I was not expecting what had happened. She can only suspect, and her guess would be no better than mine, but I could see her worry.

"If anyone needs me, I will be in my chambers." I say as I close the door behind me, just like I have been doing since that day. Fully aware that keeping to myself might end up being a horrible move, I am not in a good place to be someone's company.

For the most part, they left me alone. Sansa kept her distance, as she knew the truth. Shireen was still sulking at my refusal to allow her to learn how to swordfight. Gendry could hardly walk around the halls and enter the Queen's chambers unannounced and I did not bother with staying in the courtyard longer than I had to. Whatever kept Catelyn away was still a mystery.

I was not locked all day, every day. I would go out, if needed. I would dine with them, knowing that eating my meals in the comfort and silence of my chambers would cause unwanted suspicion. Somewhere along the way, I have learned how to pretend and it is starting to scare me now, when I see just how good I am at pretending. Gods only know how long I have been doing it unconsciously.

Work that needed to be done gave me a perfect excuse. I may be suffering between my own four walls, but at least I am getting some work done. There always has to be some good in the bad.

"Come in," I sigh when I hear a knock. "Good morning, Catelyn," I smile at her as she walks in and closes the door behind her. "I have sent the word to Robb, but I am still waiting for his response regarding the Ironborn." I inform her. It was as if she felt my thoughts and my wonder at her not asking questions. Luckily for me, there were more than enough issues for us to discuss.

Especially the Ironborn. Robb's response to it was simply wait. If I was not battling my own battles, I would be angry at the lack of advice he offered. It did not take me long to realize that there truly isn't much else we can do; we still do not know where they are heading.

"I am sure he will write soon enough," she tells me with a small smile. "I doubt he or King Stannis would let us be here unprotected. I am sure he will send Jon and a part of an army, if they find out that they are heading in Winterfell's direction," she reassures me. That is what I had been hoping for, ever since I realized that that was a legitimate possibility. We cannot do it alone, not if the Ironborn are bringing their entire strength. Fighting on land is not what they are known for, but while that works in our advantage, everything else is the complete opposite. Not only can I not lead an army to stop an attack, but I do not have an army to lead. Whatever our men are doing, they'd better help us here. "Do you mind if I take a seat? I wish to speak to you?" Catelyn asks me.

"Of course," I smile at her. "What is troubling you? Apart from everything?" I let out a dry laughter.

"Everything, Sophia," she smiles at me. "Everything is troubling me. Some things more than others."

"I am here if you wish to speak about it."

"I was going to offer you the same favor," she tells me. "You have been… different. Ever since you have returned from Riverrun. At first, I thought it was because you are missing Robb."

"It is because I am missing Robb," I admit, although Robb was only one of many reasons. "I miss him. I… I care for your son, very much. I worry about him and I wish we were not kept away from one another. But I know it must be done. If we had a choice, both of us would have done it differently."

"You have grown to love him, haven't you?"

"I… I do not know if I would call it love," I admit to her. "I worry about him, I care for him. And I do not want to be away from him." I tell her.

"You just described love."

"I am still getting to know him," I smile, shaking my head. "I do not think I love him, but I believe I am on the right track." I admit. It has taken me a while to admit it to myself, but I have done it now. This is the right way, the way I am heading. This is how love starts. We did it in a reversed order. We married first and then started caring for one another. But it is care and worry. In time, it will be love. I believe in it more than I did before. Even if I keep secrets from my husband.

"I spoke to Sansa."

I did not need her to go into detail to know exactly what she spoke to Sansa about.

I am glad she stays silent, giving me the time to gather my thoughts and melt my frozen blood. I was not expecting this to happen. I thought I could trust Sansa with that information. Once again, I never should have said anything to her to begin with, not that I thought I was with child, not that I am definitely not with child. She should have kept her mouth shut, but ultimately, it was a mistake I made.

"She should not have done that."

"Do not be angry with her, Sophia."

"I am not," I shake my head. "I am not angry, nor will I say anything about it to her. But that does not change the fact that she never should have said anything to you."

"She spoke out of worry, Sophia," Catelyn tells me; I did not think it was possible, but she looks more worried than she did a moment ago. "We all knew that something was wrong. I thought you were simply missing Robb. Sansa knew what the reason was and she worried with good reason."

"I know she did not do it to spite me," I shake my head. "I truly am not angry. I should have kept it to myself."

"Did you not think that talking to me might be helpful?" she asks.

"No," I respond honestly. "No, I did not."

"Sophia, you are our family now," she tells me and for the first time, I can see traces of anger on her face, as he voice becomes stricter. "I look at you like a daughter. I love you as much as I love the five children I gave birth to. We are a family. We live together and we rule together. If we can consult one another with everything, why could you not trust me enough to share it with me? A woman who gave birth to five children? Sophia, I feel as if I have failed you. You should not have been going through that alone." She shakes her head at me. I was expecting anger, not an emotional confession.

"It has nothing to do with trust, Catelyn," I shake my head. "Of course I trust you. You know that. I do consider you my family, all of you. I accepted you since the day I married Robb and I have grown to love you all since. My choice has nothing to do with my trust. I simply… I simply did not want anyone to know." I admit.

"And why would you chose to go through all of that alone?" she asks me.

"Because I did not want everyone to know that I have failed," I admit. I lost my cool for a moment; I take a deep breath to calm myself down. "Either way we choose to look at it, I have failed. If my moon's blood was simply late, Robb and I lost another chance to have an heir. If I have lost a child… I have failed. I have failed my entire family, I have failed myself and more than that, I have failed Robb."

"He would never look at it in such a way."

"Thank you for saying that, Catelyn, but you do not know that no more than I do."

"I know my son," she sighs. "He would never hold it against you. If he would hold anything, it would be your hand."

"He is a supportive husband, but that does not change the fact that I have failed him."

"Sophia, the ugly truth is that women have miscarriages all the time," Catelyn sighs. "I gave birth to five healthy children but my sister has lost of her children, all but one. Stillborns and miscarriages."

"So has my mother."

"Which is exactly why I am telling you this," she gives me a soft smile. "My mother gave birth to me and my sister before she died during childbirth with Edmure. I gave birth to five healthy and strong children while Lysa lost all but one boy, one boy frail and weak. It has nothing to do with blood, Sophia. The time was not right; it is nothing more than that. I know that it hurts in its own way. Believe me, I do. You needed the time to be right. But it was not. And Maester Luwin truly believes that it was not a miscarriage, but a false hope to begin with. Which is not perfect, not by any means, but it is better."

"As much as it might not be in the blood, it can also be true."

"If you think in such away, it can," she agrees. "Hold your chin up. There is not a single doubt in my mind that I will see plenty of Stark grandchildren, running round these halls. Born out of love, not duty. You and my son are a strong pair, Sophia. You fit one another perfectly. You might not see it, but I do. I had my doubts; I am not ashamed to admit. It all happened so fast. I did not want him to break a vow for a woman he did not know, just so that he can have a bigger chance of winning a war. You left a good impression; seeming kind and smart and not to mention, beautiful. But I had my worries. While I know that it has been very challenging for the both of you, I see it being a good decision. You are strong where he is weak. You challenge each other in all the right ways. And more than that Sophia, I know my son. I have given birth to him and watch him grow into a man he is now. When he pleads for me to look after you and to make sure that you are getting all the help you might need… I can tell. I say this without a doubt in my mind; the two of you will have a beautiful family. Now it simply… wasn't the right time."

I did not want to cry. These days, I have been crying more than ever before. With Catelyn, I always had a need to pretend to be stronger than I actually am. I cannot explain why; it simply was like that from the start. I did not want to complain about the cold, even if I was freezing. I did not roll my eyes at the sight of all the letters I must read, because I did not want her to think that I was lazy. I did not speak my mind too openly, because I did not want to start a disagreement. While I have always been honest with her, I have always held myself back. She broke that today, as I broke down in tears.

I did not want to cry. I did not want to have this conversation, even if it might be exactly what I needed. And I did not expect her to get up and run toward me, crouch down next to my chair and let me cry on her shoulder. She whispers thing I cannot hear and gently rubs my back as she lets me cry into her hair.

I do not know how long I cried. Probably for too long. I was the one who pulled away, not her.

"It will all fall into it's place," she gives me a soft smile as she wipes away the tears from my cheeks. "It will happen sooner than you expect it. And never hold things back from Robb. Men like that are rare, and I am not saying this because I raised him. His own father was understanding and loving and yet Robb is more. He loves you, Sophia. He might not realize it yet, but he loves you and you love him. And if by some chance I am mistaken, you will reach that sooner than you can imagine."

Once again, Catelyn steps up and becomes the mother I never truly had. Short of words, I don't have anything else to do, other than to pull her in for another hug. This time, I do not cry.

* * *

I did not realize how easier it would be. If I had, I would have spoken to Catelyn much earlier.

I am by no means alright. I am still sad and worried, but this time, I am trying to shake away the worry that I might just be my mother's daughter, through and through. I do not really believe in positive thoughts and how they might affect the general outcome, but it did not hurt me to try.

I used it as a mantra. It was not a miscarriage, it was a mistake. Even if it really was a miscarriage, I chose to pretend that it was a mistake. It is easier to live with that. We did not succeed, but that does not mean that we will not succeed in the future. Halls of Winterfell will be filled with children laughing.

I was not there yet, not even close. I had a lot of convincing to do, but at least now, I felt better.

I was not locked up in my room every chance I got to. I would step out, I would talk to people. I even spoke to Sansa, pretending as if she never told my secret to Catelyn. As I reassured her mother that day, I know Sansa had no ill intentions. And ultimately, it did end up helping me. Not everything should be kept a secret and this experience was proof enough to me. However, just because I felt comfortable talking about it with his mother does not mean I was ready to say the same to Robb.

Perhaps one day, when I give him a child. Perhaps then, I will share it with him. He is too far away to help me, and I would only cause him more worry, which was the last thing I wanted to do. I will keep it from him until the time is right. That time may never come, but it matters not. The next time I see him, we will try again. I cannot know when that will be, but whenever it is, I will have a new hope.

One person paid the highest price; a price that was not hers to pay. With all that has happened, I did not have time to make things right with Shireen. I know her like the palm of my hand; even if she was sulking, she was not truly angry at me. While I did have plenty of worries to focus on, I should not have allowed myself to lose my focus when it comes to her. She is my sister, my blood, my family. If I have promised to be there for her, I should bloody well do it.

"Story time?" I peek through her door with a small smile on my face. She frowns at me from where she lied on her bed, but I keep my smile up; in a moment, the frown melts away and a tiny smile shows up as she nods her head. I grin as I walk into her chambers and to her bed; she makes room for me, moving to the side. "What do you feel like hearing? Mermaids? Ice Queen? Something new?"

"Why don't we just talk?" she asks me. "We did not talk much lately. I don't like it."

"Boy, you sure know how to make me feel guilty," I sigh as I ruffle her hair. "I am so sorry, little one. A lot has happened since we moved here. I have not been the big sister I needed to be, have I?"

"You were," she shakes her head. "You still are. You've just been busy."

"That should not be an excuse," I mumble. "Well, I might have a lot of things I need to worry about, but I will not let it happen again. So? What do you want to talk about?"

"Tell me about the things that worry you."

"If I talk about that, I will only worry even more." I laugh.

"Or maybe it will be helpful, since you don't talk much to anyone lately?" she suggests.

"Gods, I forget how smart you are. I hate that," I mumble as she laughs. "Alright. Which worry do you want to talk about? But be warned; you must choose carefully, as the options are endless."

"Why have you been so sad lately?" she asks me.

Once again, I forgot just how smart she is. And just like I did the night I left for The Wall, I had a choice I needed to make. Do I tell her or do I keep my mouth shut? It won't change much for me and it will not change much for her. But it could be helpful. And perhaps she needs a reminder that I trust her, just as I need a reminder that there are still people I can talk to. Even if they are eleven years old.

"I thought I was with child," I admit, taking a deep breath. "I was wrong. And that made me sad."

"You are not with child?" Shireen asks me and I shake my head. "I'm sorry to hear that. But there is still time, is there not? You have only been married for a few months."

"Aye, and I have been away from my husband for a bigger part of those few months," I nod. "I know we still have time. I know it means nothing. I suppose I just… I really wanted it."

"Do you want to be a mother?" she asks me.

"I think I do," I admit. "See, it is different. At first, I wanted a child only because I needed a child. Then, when I actually thought that I was having a child… I wanted it. I did not know I actually wanted to be a mother until I was faced with the possibility of becoming a mother. I wanted it."

"And you will be a mother," Shireen smiles at me and takes my hand. "A good mother, too."

"I am not so sure about that, little one."

"You might call me little one still, but I am not so little, Sophia," Shireen frowns at me. "I know what you did for me. If you think I never noticed that it was always you who told me stories and not Mother, you are mistaken."

"I have taught you too much," I smile as she chuckles. "Either way, I am glad at least someone thinks that I will be a good mother."

"I am certain your husband thinks the same."

"Shireen, you know him even less than I do."

"Maybe. But maybe I see something you don't."

"Such as?" I ask through laughter. "You haven't seen the two of us together since we left Dragonstone. Shireen, I love you all the way to the stars and back, but you know nothing."

"I do know how happy you were when you were leaving for the Riverlands. I also know you were sad when you returned."

"That tells you more about me than him, but alright."

"Do you truly believe he does not care for you?" Shireen asks me, wide eyed.

"No!" I shake my head. "No, that's not what I said. I know he cares for me, in a way. He told me that. I know it. Caring for me and thinking I would make a good mother are two very different things. Although…" I sigh, realizing that I was wrong, yet again. Shireen had a point.

"What?"

"He did tell me that he wants me to be the mother of his children," I admit. "I suppose he would not want a bad mother for his children. That means you have a point, little one."

"He really told you that?" Shireen asks me and I nod. To my surprise, her smile grows. "So, he is really nice to you, is he? I mean, I know you told me he is a good man, but the way you are talking now, he almost sounds like one of those knights from the fairytales."

"I imagine he is like that, sometimes," I admit, smiling. "He has been nothing but kind. Even when I disagree with him, he listens to what I have to say. He actually wants to hear me out. You know how Father always tells mother to stay silent? Robb never did that." I tell her. Of course, mother and father have been married for a lot longer than Robb and I have. Like everything, resentment grows over time. Even so, I highly doubt I could ever feel such resentment towards Robb, no matter what he did.

"Do you… do you think he is in love with you? Like, real love?" Shireen asks.

As honest as I am with her, some things I will never be able to tell. One of those things is that Robb had a lover he loved dearly and that for a while, I was nothing but a shadow of her. I also cannot say a word to explain the physically need I felt now. I doubt I would do it even if Shireen was my age and married, let alone now, when she is still a child.

"No, little one," I shake my head. "I think he would have told me that. Although, I think we are on the right road to that. In time, I imagine we will get to that."

"He never told you he loves you?" she asks me.

"No, although he did something better," I smile when she raises her eyebrow. "Well, when I was in the Riverlands… it is a long story, but he actually married me again."

"Again?"

"Yes," I nod my head, smiling at the thought of it. "This time, he married me in front of a weirwood tree. In front of his Gods. Gendry gave me away and he and Jon were our witnesses. He might not love me, but I have nothing bad to say of him. He is treating me well. He is kind and… he is a good husband."

"You are crazy in love, aren't you?"

"What? No!" I snap, causing Shireen to start laughing at him. "Alright, Shireen, just because I think he is a good husband and I also believe he is very attractive does not mean I am in love with him."

"You forgot to mention the part where you want to give him children. Ouch!" She gasps when I hit her on her shoulder. After the initially shock, Shireen realized she was pushing my buttons in all the right ways. "Robb, I want to have your children," she teases me. "I want you to love me; I want you to never leave me. I need you, Robb, oh Robb, kiss me Robb…"

"I will cut that tongue out." I warn her, genuinely shocked at her courage.

"I got everything I have from you," she laughs at me. "Besides, if I was not right, you would not be reacting like that. You are the one who told me that people are most defensive when you are right."

"I have created a monster," I calmly state, causing her to laugh even harder. "Oh, shut it. To bed, now." I order, hoping to keep my role as the older sister. I gave her the power to do this. "You are too young to tease me in such ways. So, tuck in and get ready for a bedtime story, since you are still a child."

* * *

A horrible noise snaps me awake. For a moment, I look around, confused, until I realize I have fallen asleep next to Shireen, who jumps up right after me, looking at me wide eyed and half asleep at the same time.

"That is the horn." I jump up and run to the window, opening it wide. I see people rushing towards the gate. "I need to see what this is about."

"You cannot go out like that!" Shireen yells after me. "Your hair is messy and you are in a nightgown."

"Shireen, if Winterfell is under attack, I don't have time to stop and do my hair! Stay here!" I order her before I run out of her chambers and down the hallway. I run as fast as I can, running out into the courtyard. I see Catelyn there, looking around. I run to her. "Catelyn! What is going on?"

"I don't know!" she shakes her head. "I don't think it's an attack."

"Open the gates!" a guard yells.

"Oi!" I yell from the top of my lungs. To my complete surprise, he actually hears me and turns around, looking for the source of that yell. "Who the hell do you think you are opening the gate to?!" I yell.

"Your Grace, I…"

"Shut it!" I snap at him. "You do not open the gates unless I give you an order to do so!" I yell as I walk towards him and the gates, fully aware that everyone is looking at me. "How dare you open our gates in the dead of night, knowing we might be under attack, without consulting me or Lady Catelyn?"

"Your Grace, it is not an attack…"

"And how do you know that? Have you seen the future?"

"Your Grace, they are carrying your Father's banners." He tells me.

"Well, than you come to me and tell me that before giving your own orders!" I yell up at him, shaking with anger. "My Father's banners or not, you either ask me or Lady Catelyn if you plan to open our gate to an army in the middle of a night! Don't look at me, open the bloody gate!"

"Sophia, calm down." Catelyn tells me as she stands next to me and takes my hand.

"I'm calm," I lie, and turn around, just in time to notice Shireen running our way. "I thought I told you to stay in bed. Don't you ever listen?" I ask, but the girl simply ignores me and stands next to Catelyn. If I was angry before, I am even angrier now. Shireen is really pushing it with this game of hers. I will deal with that when I do not have strangers knocking on our gate at such an hour.

The idiot that was guarding the gate was right; Father's men march in, carrying his banners first. My eyes go wide as I look at the number of them, before I recognize two faces in the crowd.

"Ser Davos?" I ask in surprise as I walk their way, ignoring the fact that I am marching into an army. I blink my eyes rapidly, waiting for him to fade away as a product of my imagination, but he stays there, sitting on his horse and smiling at me. "Matthos?" I ask, looking at his son next to him. Yes, that was Matthos. Cold and distant, but still the person I called my friend. Unlike his father, he does not smile at me. "What are you doing here? What is going on?" I ask, looking in shock as even more men march inside our walls.

"Your Grace," Ser Davos roars; I forgot how impressive his voice is. "Do you truly think King Stannis would leave his two daughters unprotected? He sent us as soon as he heard about the possible danger from the Ironborn." He tells me. Robb must have told him. I was not keeping it a secret myself, but I did not share it with Father, as I did not find strength in me to do write him.

"If you are here, who is helping Father in the South?" I ask as I watch Davos jump from his horse.

"Your husband's brother and King Stannis are quite capable of doing that on their own."

"Jon?" I ask, looking at him in surprise. "What in the name of seven hells is my husband doing then?"

"He is right behind us, Your Grace," Davos tells me. I do not have a chance to properly react as in that very moment, I watch as Robb rides into Winterfell. Our eyes meet as I stare at him, expecting him to disappear in the same way I expected Davos to disappear. I see Catelyn from the corner of my eye, running towards her son as even more men follow him in. As he gets off his horse and hugs his mother, his eyes never leave mine. No smile, no nod, nothing. He is just… looking at me.

When Catelyn moves away, Robb takes one step in my direction. One step alone. I wait for him to continue, but he does not. Knowing that I am the only one that can do anything about it, I start walking toward him. I do not run. However, with every step I take, I walk faster. He starts walking towards me as well and by the time we get to one another, I do not care that the courtyard is filled with people. I do not care that they are watching us. I do not care that his mother is standing behind him, or that the man I used to love is behind me, probably looking at us as well. I simply do not care.

I kiss him, in front of anyone, because all that mattered now was him.


	37. Chapter 37

**Here we go guys, number 37. WOW.  
Worry not, I explained what the heck is Robb doing back at Winterfell. He had some good reasons. And while there will be trouble ahead… oh, you'll see.  
I'll do my best to update at least once more before my vacation. I'm 80% sure I'll get to do that. I mean, I love this story, but I'm seeing The Killers tomorrow night, Liam Gallagher on Thursday and Years&Years on Friday. They are kind of a priority, SORRY!  
All jokes aside, I'll do my best to update soon. Let me know what you think, you know the drill! :)**

* * *

"Mother, I am tired. We will speak in the morning."

"Robb, we must discuss this."

"Mother, please," Robb tells her, stopping in his tracks. Both Catelyn and I stop as he turns around. "I have been riding for days. One night of sleep is all I ask. We will fight the war tomorrow." He tells her.

"Very well," Catelyn agrees, even though it was clear that she was not content with his decision. "I wish you both a good night. And tomorrow morning, we will discuss this." She announces as she turns around and takes her leave. Robb and I both watch her walk away and I wait until we are alone.

"I will sleep in Shireen's chambers tonight," I tell him as I turn around. "You said it yourself. You need a warm bath and a rest. I used your chambers, but you are back now. You need some peace."

"Our chambers," he shakes his head. "You are staying with me. If that is what you want." He adds. Of course. Even now, after everything, he wants to give me a choice. Why am I still surprised by it?

I do not say a word. I simply start walking and let him follow me. Some of the servants already had a bath at the ready for him. I do not say a word as he takes his clothes of and gets into the bath. I did not even look at him. I did not know what to say or what to do and the only think I could think of is how I have taken too much space in his space. I could not sit still; instead, I was cleaning up the room that was already clean. I put all the papers on one side of the desk. I put the notebooks away into drawers and I just move things around, so that I could keep my hands busy.

I was not expecting him. Even when I am expecting him, I still lose my words. Now, it was too big of a surprise to me. I did not think I was going to see him in a very long time. Not much time has passed since I left Riverrun. I did not even have a chance to properly miss him. With everything that has happened since I returned here… I do not know what to say.

I know I cannot tell him the truth. Not when we might have a chance to try again. Which would be an ideal solution, if I was not petrified of trying again. What if we do not succeed? And even worse, what if we do and I have a miscarriage? Perhaps a second one? Is that really something I'd survive?

I was not ready to see him again, but when I did, I ran to him like the rest of the world was completely irrelevant. I did not care who would see us or what they would think. I just wanted to hug him, kiss him and breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that he is still safe and that now, with him by my side, I am safe as well. I did all of that. I fell into his arms, I kissed him like we were the only ones in the world and I allowed myself to feel relief, if only for a moment. But now, I do not know what to say or do.

Neither does he, apparently. He is silent as he bathes and I sit behind the desk, waiting for him to come and talk to me, if he plans on talking to me at all. Just as I was about to check and see if he managed to fall asleep in the bath, I hear water splashing and I see his silhouette behind the changing screen as he gets up from the bath. When he walks into my view, he is completely naked.

I have seen him naked many times before; I have been naked with him and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

For some reason, I never had a chance for a proper look, not like I did now.

He is as handsome as he is… beautiful, I imagine. I focused on his eyes, all this time. Of course, I knew he had a nice smile and I do love his hair. I knew he was strong and muscular, but I have never seen the muscles on his back as clear as I did now, when he stretched out his arms as he got dressed. When he turned around, I did not bother looking away. It is a surprise, even to me, but I have no problem with him knowing I looked at him. Unfortunately, I still have not regained my ability to speak.

"Are you tired?" he asks. The only thing I could do was nod my head. "So am I. We should sleep." He tells me. I need nothing more. By the time I get to the bed, he was already lying under the covers, lifting them up for me to lie next to him. I do so, a little worried of how close I should approach him. After all that has happened, all the honest words we spoke, I still do not want to invade his space.

He did not comment on my distance; he simply pulled me closer to him. I could feel a small smile creep up on my face, but I pushed it back before I looked up at him. He was looking at me as he ran his hand through my hair. As tired and scared as I was, deep down, I was hoping he will not let me go the entire night. I suppose he is tired as well. He says nothing but just looks at me, running his fingers through my hair and caressing my face. The silence was not uncomfortable, not at all. I enjoyed it.

I raise myself closer to him and I kiss him on the lips; a brief, soft kiss, nothing but a touch.

"Welcome home." I say in a whisper.

I could barely see his smile, but I knew it was there. He smiles, closes his eyes and pulls me just a little bit closer.

He fell asleep fast, with his arms around me as I watched him, while slowly drifting away myself.

* * *

It has been a while since I slept as well as I did last night, but even so, the moment I woke up I knew I did not have enough sleep.

It might not be about sleep; perhaps it has more to do with everything that needs to be done today.

He was awake as well. Just as we did last night, we look at each other in silence. Soon, one of us will have to speak. I would be fine with it, if we knew what to say.

"Why are you here?" I ask. Leave to me to ask something as stupid as that.

"To protect my family." he tells me.

"Is it from the Ironborn?" I ask.

"We will speak with my mother and Ser Davos. You will hear it all then."

"You could have sent Jon. You could have sent Davos. Yet you came. Why?" I ask him.

"Because I wanted to come home," he admits. "If only for a little while."

He either did not want to speak to me or did not want to say the same words twice. Saying nothing else, I get up and get dressed as he did the same. No other words were shared and as we were getting ready, I am one step away from thinking that things between us are not as good as I thought they are. Before I had a chance to confirm my doubts in any way, he takes me by the hand.

The hand holding is weirder than anything else. It is the strangest form of affection I shared with him. A kiss is different, an embrace in different. How ironic is it, that holding hands is more intimate?

We waste no time; today, we will not dine and laugh as we catch up on lost times. No, we are jumping into it, head first. Lady Catelyn, Ser Rodrick and Ser Davos were already waiting for us in an empty hall. As I take a seat next to Robb, I wonder if I will ever feel comfortable with being a part of his council.

I have been Queen for a while now and I am yet to adapt to it. In all honesty, I wonder if I ever will.

"Sophia, Mother, Ser Rodrick, Ser Davos," Robb greats us all, in a very formal way. "As you all know, we have received word that the Ironborn are gathering their strengths at Pyke. We did not know where they will go or what they would do. However, now we do. They do not plan to side with the Lannisters. In fact, they are making their way to the North. And I am here to stop that." He tells us.

"They want Theon Greyjoy, don't they?" Catelyn asks.

"Aye," Robb confirms. "And I will not let them have him. He is imprisoned for what he did to my family and my home. I am not handing my prisoner over to them just because they asked nicely."

"Your Grace, invading the North is not asking for something nicely." Ser Rodrick tells him.

"Which is exactly why I will not greet them nicely," Robb tells him, before looking around the room, at each one of us. "King Stannis and Jon will hold the South. We defeated the Lannisters and they lost a lot of men. We must use that to our advantage, but I will not let the North remain undefended. The Ironborn have sent their demands and I will respond to them today. By the time they reach land, we will already be there, waiting for them. Then, we will continue with the South, marching on Casterly Rock."

Casterly Rock? The one seat in Westeros that was never conquered?

"Robb? May I speak to you in private?" I ask him, aware that they were all staring at us. I learned my lesson; if I have to disagree with him, I will do it in private. It would appear that he learned his lesson as well, as he nodded his head and stood up. I followed him out of the hall, ignoring the confused looks of the remainder of the council.

"What is the matter?" he asks as soon as we are alone.

"You will not hand them Theon?" I ask, wanting to be sure.

"They will have him over my dead body."

"Do you truly think they want him that bad?" I ask, earning a confused look from him. "You told me that when he attacked Wintefell, he did not have many men with him. Ser Rodrick took Winterfell away from him with ease and a handful of men. Would any King send his son with such a small number of men? Is his sister not leading a larger army?" I ask.

"She is," he tells me. "She is the one leading the army to the North."

"And do you think you could defeat her, if it comes to a battle?" I ask.

"Ironborn are good on water," he shakes his head. "They do not know how to fight on land, not as well as we do. And I will not attack them while they are on water."

"Even if you do win, men will die, will they not?" I ask him.

"Sophia, it is war," he sighs. "Men die. I wish it was different, but it is not. Whether I win or lose, men will die. The only difference between the winning and the losing side is the number of dead they have to bury." He tells me; I remember Father telling me something similar. Or was it Ser Davos?

"What if you find a way to do things the way you want to do them, without losing a single life?"

"What are you suggesting?" he asks in confusion and I smile at him.

"I told you. You are the leader on the battlefield, but I know how to play the game," I say, trying to ignore the feeling of pride that started rising in me. "The Ironborn might be impulsive, but they are not completely daft. If they know, if they see that an army is waiting for them, they will rethink their steps. You could turn the whole thing around to our benefit."

"How?" he asks, frowning down at me.

"When they see you all, they will know you are ready to fight, kill and die. They will know that their leader might not live to see another battle, and that their other heir is locked up in our dungeons. If they think they have too much to lose, they will stop and reconsider. And that is the perfect time for you to propose a deal. Or, if I am to call it by the right name, blackmail them." I shrug.

"You think I should use Theon as leverage?" he asks, seeing the direction I was taking.

"Yes," I agree. "You will offer them his head or him safely returned, if they fight with you. Father has a strong fleet, but so does King's Landing. He failed before. I can see the Ironborn being a huge advantage for us. Even with Casterly Rock, which is something we need to discuss on a different occasion because I do not agree with you on that." I add, knowing that this was not the good time for me to call him a mad man. "They refused you before, they will not refuse you a second time. Perhaps give them their own Kingdom." I add.

"Is that something your father would be comfortable with?" Robb asks, frowning.

"Absolutely not," I shake my head. "But better a damaged Kingdom than no Kingdom at all. Besides, he despises the Ironborn. And that is only a possible addition to the deal I suggested."

"So, offer them Theon alive and well, offer them peace, so long as they fight on my side?" he asks and I nod my head. "That would be a good idea if the situation is different. I do not want to give them Theon. He betrayed me, Sophia. He stabbed me in the back, without thinking twice. I refuse to forget. I want his head." He tells me. When he speaks of his former friend, I truly see the hurt on his face. He only ever has it when he speaks of Theon and his father. The mention of his missing siblings might cause a similar effect, but those are all topics we mostly avoided and for good reason.

Betrayal is horrible. What makes it even worse is when you are betrayed by those closest to you.

"You say you want his head," I sigh, looking away from him. "You say that with such certainty, and yet, you are here, in Winterfell, not that far away from where he is locked up. Anyone could have taken his head, many moons ago, and it did not happen. You did not rush to do it as soon as you returned. I know you want him punished. I know you want him dead. But you do not really want to be the one that kills him, do you?" I ask. I looked away because I felt uncomfortable, but when he says nothing, I know I have to see his reaction. He was looking away from me, but I could still see the hurt in his eyes. I walk closer to him and I move his chin with my hands, so that he has to look at me. "I know that what I am suggesting is not easy, not by any means. If I saw another way, I would offer it. I don't. And I don't want to see more men die, I don't want to see you fighting more battles. I want us to win this and for it to be over with. Do it for the greater good. Spare Theon for the greater good." I plead with him.

"I will never forget what he did." He shakes his head. I move even closer to him, moving my hands to his neck as I stare at him; I need him to know I mean every single word I am saying.

"Nor should you. I am not asking you to do that. Pardon him, do not forgive him. What he did is more than unforgivable. But you are a better person than he is, Robb. You are a good King, a good man. Pardon him for his crimes and use it to your advantage. Once this is all over, he will be away and you will never have to look at him again. I do not know you as much as I want to, I know that. And I might be wrong, but from what I learned about you in these months that we have been married… I do not think you could sleep well at night, knowing you took your friend's head, no matter how many times he betrayed you."

I might be guessing, but if there is one thing that I did not doubt for the duration of this marriage, is Robb's good heart. There is not an evil bone in his body. Like all of us, he is prone to anger and impulse and I am sure that if he was close to Theon before, we would have no deal to offer to the Ironborn. He might be angry now, but the impulse is gone. I do not think he would be comfortable with that. He would do it, I know he would. He would do his duty, but I doubt he would ever fully recover. I do not want to see that. I would be glad to help when picking up the pieces, but I never want him shattered to begin with. I just want for us to have a calm, peaceful life. And in a calm and peaceful life, my husband would not be cutting off the head of his former friend.

"Are you right all the time?" he asks and I crack a small smile.

"No, probably not," I shake my head as he smiles at me. "I might be wrong about this as well. The Ironborn might not agree, for all we know. I think we should at least try first. We have nothing to lose."

"Are you doing this to win us a war or because you want me safe?" he asks.

"You will go either way," I shake my head. "A deal, a battle, you will be gone soon enough. Even a deal might lead to a battle after all. That being said, why can't I try to win a war and keep you safe at the same time?" I ask. When he smiles at me, I feel that good old pride growing in me again.

He pulls me next to him and kisses me, with the same tenderness like the kiss from the night before.

"You never fail to surprise me," he tells me when he pulls away. "And you never fail me."

"We should speak to them," I say, nodding my head in the direction of the hall. "They are waiting."

He nods and takes me by the hand.

While it is considered impolite to have someone waiting for you, it is not the reason why I decided to elegantly stop our conversation. Hearing him saying that I never fail him was like a dagger in my gut. He does not know the truth. He looks at me like I am some sort of… all-knowing woman, without a fault. Like I always work in his gain, like I will continue to do that and never fail. While I will work in his gain for the rest of my life, failure is sometimes inevitable. And what he does not know is that I have already failed him, in the most horrible way.

* * *

They will leave in two days' time. To Deepwood Motte, probably. I managed to convince Robb to spare Theon's life, if only for the time being. I did not do so for Theon's wellbeing; I did so to keep my husband alive for a while longer.

Once again, I am going to have to say goodbye to him. Thankfully, this time, I will not have a proper chance of getting used to him being around.

I did not expect to have any privacy today, but I did. I had no idea where he was now. I did not want to ask. So long as he is not killing our only leverage against the Ironborn, I am alright.

I had my own work to do. Robb has returned, yes, but I did not have fewer papers to sign. A part of me was hoping he would help me with his part of the work load, but he did not offer and I did not ask. After all, he is back from war and preparing to continue it. As much as I would like help, I do not want to bother him in any way.

I am so focused on my papers that I do not even look up when the door opens.

"Lana, I told you I am alright," I sigh. "You may return to your other duties."

"It's me," Robb speaks up and I finally leave the papers alone. He smiles as he sits down on the bed. "I almost forgot just how much I missed Winterfell."

"Where did you go?" I ask him, pushing the papers away, both in my mind and with my hands.

"I didn't even leave the courtyard," Robb laughs. "No, I was just walking with Sansa. I missed her as well. Being back here, being home again… I miss my entire family. Arya, Bran, Rickon… I have not been home since Father died. When I left, I was leaving to save him. Now I am fighting to avenge him." he tells me and once again, I receive a confirmation that he is not at peace with his father's death.

I cannot blame him for that, not at all. If someone was to take Father away from me, I have a feeling I would start a war myself. He might be a man grown, but Robb is still someone's son. He's a son without a father and I cannot judge him for feeling the way he feels. The only thing I can truly do is to walk over to him, sit down next to him and hold his hand tightly.

"We will have them back," I tell him, even if I am not certain of it. Sometimes, you just need to pretend. "And your father will be avenged. Once it is all over, we have a peaceful life to look forward to."

"Come with me," he tells me as he stands up and offers me his hand. "I want to show you something."

"What?" I ask, apprehensive.

"You will see."

"Robb, you know I do not deal well with the unexpected," I sigh. "Do I need to remind you of our second wedding?" I ask him, raising my eyebrow as he laughs at me.

"Can you ever just follow me without a passing comment?" he asks. Half insulted, half intrigued, I stand up and I let him drag me by the hand. Not before he stopped and ordered me to put on a wool cloak. Because of the added cloak, I was not surprised when he led me outside; no one looked twice at us. I imagine that seeing us holding hands was less of a shock after the greeting he received last night. I was not too surprised when he ordered the gates to be opened up and when he led us outside the walls.

I was following him and surprisingly enough, we headed for the woods again.

"Why are you so silent?" he asks me.

"Well, did you not complain about my comments?" I ask, batting my eyes a bit too fast when he turned around to give me a look; I know how to act innocent when I have to.

"You have made a habit out of teasing me, haven't you?"

"Is that bothering you as well?" I ask, making him roar with laughter. "Oh Robb, no matter what I do, you still find something to complain about."

"So do you."

"Well, I really don't like surprises."

"I told you once I would show you my favorite place in Winterfell. Well, I'm going to show it to you now," he tells me. It takes me a moment to remember that he told me that in one of his letters. "If you want to see it, that is," he adds, just to prove that he can tease me as well.

"Lead the way," I shrug, pretending as if I am not as interested as I actually am. The only time that I have actually been out the walls was when I wanted to see the rebuild from the outside. And when I left Winterfell, twice. Never before did I go out and simply explore. And in all honesty, there wasn't much for me to see. It's just… trees and grass and a thin layer of snow on the ground. Woods in Winterfell are no greener or taller than the ones in the South. Woods are woods.

It was not as close to the walls as I thought originally. Still, I make an effort to not say a single word to him as I follow him around. Finally, he stops and I stop behind him.

"Well, here we are!" he announces, looking around. I do the same. Trees, the same as the ones we had past. No snow was on the ground here, not in the circle we were standing in. I realize that it is a bit warmer than it was before and seeing the water in front of me, I realize why; I see the steam above the… pond? It is too small to be a lake. "So? Do you like it?" Robb asks, looking eagerly at me. Now, how do I say to him that this is nothing special?

"I suppose so," I say, smiling at him. "It's… nice." I tell him.

I am sure Winterfell has better to offer. Although it is not something I would say out loud, I have seen a lot of Westeros. And I did see more beautiful places than the one we are in right now. It is nice and very… woodsy, but I do not see what is so special about it.

"It is prettier at night," he tells me, defending his favorite location. "The water is always very warm, you can swim in it all the time, winter or summer, day or night. At night, with the stars above you, it's nicer."

"You can actually see the stars from all the trees?" I ask, looking up at the sky.

"You will appreciate it more when you see it at night."

"Perhaps, but… perhaps." I say, not wanting to say that it is so… normal. Robb started laughing at me.

"I forgot I married a bloody Southern girl," he laughs. "If it is not sunny and shiny, you are not impressed?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.

"Bite your tongue, Stark," I snap, more irritated than I should be. "The North is growing on me."

"Is it now?" he asks as a smirk appears on his face.

"Yes, little by little." I say, not sure if we were talking about the North or about him. He makes it even more confusing when he decides to kiss me.

This one was far more passionate than those we shared since he returned. I was accepting what he was offering, but it all culminated in a surprising and slightly painful manner.

"You do know that you do not have to actually sweep someone of their feet, right?" I ask, looking up at him. Of course, he was laughing loudly; if I was closer to him, I imagine I would see tears in his eyes. I was lying on my back, so I had no chance of seeing his reaction in detail. I stumbled because of him.

"Are you alright?" he asks me once he finally stopped laughing and realized that I was still lying on the ground. I nod, which he took as a sign that he was allowed to laugh at me again. Knowing that there was no stopping him and that he would probably never forget about this, I join in on the laughter.

"It appears that I have forgotten how to kiss you. "

"You haven't, no need to worry," I reassure him as he gets down on the ground and lies right next to me; I turn around to face him as his hands reach my face. "Your kisses are quite… satisfactory."

I expected another comment, another joke on my expense, but all I got was a kiss. And I did not complain.

The lake kept the ground quite warm, which explains the lack of snow in a perfect circle around us. It also gave us no good reason to stand up. I cannot say how long we stayed there, for how long he was kissing me. It felt too nice for me to think about anything else whilst doing it.

When he pulls away, he does not go too far. He is still lying next to me, playing with my hair, looking at my face. I did not want to break this spell, whatever this spell was, but I had a natural talent for that.

"Why are you here?" I ask.

"You know that." He tells me, still focusing on my hair and not on my eyes.

"You know as well as I do that anyone could have gotten this job done," I shake my head. It might have been enough when he said it the first time, but I had time to think about it. "Why are you really here?"

"I told you that I missed my family," he sighs, finally looking directly at me. "I have missed them. I have missed you. And I wanted to be the one that has to deal with the Greyjoys. When I received the letter from my mother, it only made my decision stronger." He tells me. And my heart dropped.

"What letter?" I ask, with a feeling that I might already know the answer to that.

"She told me," he confirms it. I jump into a seated position at once, leaving his hands hanging onto thin air. "She did it for you."

"She had no right to do so!" I snap in response. "Your mother and your sister really should learn how to respect other people and their privacy."

"She did it because she knew you would never tell me about it yourself." He defends her.

"And did you ever consider that is because I do not want you to know?" I ask, turning my head to look at him. He looked as worried as I felt angry. I should have known it. I did not even suspect, it never even crossed my mind that Catelyn could do that. Now that I know she did, it makes perfect sense. No matter how much she grows to like me, or even love me, as she said, she will always choose her son.

"And why didn't you want me to know it?" he asks me. I wonder if he is stupid or simply oblivious.

"Because I have failed, Robb!" I snap as he sits up. He tries to put a comforting hand around me, but I move away from him. "I had only one job to do, only one single job, since the day I became a Stark, and I am yet to do it. When I thought I was with child, I was so… happy. I was relieved and happy and I wanted to tell you about it at once. And when I lost it… you are the last person that should know about that."

"Maester Luwin says it was probably not a miscarriage."

"Oh, and both you and Maester Luwin had plenty of those, so you should know?" I take a deep breath, not wanting to shout at him anymore. "Why are you talking with them about me behind my back?"

"Because if my wife won't tell me, I need to hear it from someone!" he shouts.

"Is that really something you want to hear?! Is it? Very well, listen carefully. My mother had stillborn children and miscarriages; I stopped counting how many once I needed my other hand to count them. You cannot even begin to imagine how that failure feels like. And even if it wasn't a miscarriage, it is still a pretty strong slap in the face. Are you aware that I might not be able to give you child or are you just pretending? What are we to do then? What if I never give you a child? Then what?" I snap.

"Then… nothing." He sighs.

"Yes, because it is not like our whole ruling depends on my ability to give birth."

"It doesn't," he shakes his head. I was too angry to feel annoyed as well. "If we can't have a child…"

"Then what? Then what, Robb?"

"Then we rule together," he tells me. "And when we die, Jon can take over. Or Shireen. Or both."

"If I cannot give you a child, then why not simply annul this marriage under some false excuse and find another to do so?"

"Are you truly asking me that?"

"Yes."

"Can't you see the reason?"

"No, I obviously can't."

"And here I thought it was obvious," he laughs. Angry at his laughter, I want to attack him again, but he speaks up before I have a chance to. "Because I am in love with you. Call me insane if you want to, but I would rather live out my life alone with you than to have a child with another."

"You have no idea what you are saying." I shake my head, feeling my heart speeding up. No. Not a chance. He does not even know what he is talking about.

"Oh, I don't?" he asks. Now, he was the one who was angry. "When I married you, I was happy to find out that you were smart and charming. And I thought, perhaps, one day, we can make it work. I may not love her, I may not be in love with her, but I will respect her and like her and that will be enough. I did not expect you to get under my skin, certainly not as fast as you did. I dream of you, almost every bloody night. I wish I dreamt of making love to you, I wish it is as simple as that. But no, I dream of your bloody laughter, only to wake up all bitter when I realize that I will not hear it in person and that by the next time I hear it, I might even forget the sound of it. You do not get to tell me how I feel, Sophia. You do not get to tell me that I am angry or hurt at you not being with child, because I am not. You do not get to tell me that I should not have returned to Winterfell, to speak to you about this and to reassure you that it does not matter. You do not get to tell me if I should marry another or not, you do not get to tell me if I am allowed to not have a child and stay with you. You do not get to tell me that that is stupid and wrong because in no way do I see my marriage with you being wrong. I want a child with you. I want ten of them. And if we cannot have them, I will… I will be sad and angry, but not at you. You do not get to tell me who I should direct my anger to and what I should do about it. And you sure as hell do not get to tell me that I am not in love with you, because I bloody well am!"

I could not form a coherent thought, not a single one. I could not even speak. I just jumped at him and kissed him, more ardent than ever before.

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 **Well, if by any chance I DON'T update before my holiday, at least this is a good one to leave you with :)**


	38. Chapter 38

**Guess who's back? Back again? :D**

 **Hello, hello! I have returned from my holiday and I am writing, full speed. I left you on a bit of a cliffhanger in the last chapter, but at least it was a super cute cliffhanger, right? :)**

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 **The Missing Pieces = Dany's best friend, featuring a future love square (?) with OC/Dany/Jon/Robb**

 **Power, Pleasure, Pain = Clara Tyrell, struggling with all the possible matches she might have.**

 **I hope you check them out if you haven't already.**

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* * *

Never did something more wrong felt more right.

We were in the woods. In the Godswood, at that. Anyone could have seen us. Yet, we did not care. Well, I did not care. He did not have much of a choice when I jumped on him, but how could I have acted differently after the words he said?

I do not know what to think, let alone what to say. My thoughts are a mess, one piled up on top of the other and the pile just keeps growing. His words were a shock to me, a shock I am yet to recover from. Not as shocking as my own opinions, I am afraid.

Having him fall in love with me would be… amazing. It would be all we ever hoped for and more. It would mean that this marriage was never a mistake and that the hard work both of us invested into it did pay off, in the best of ways. While I do think it is very possible for us to reach that, perhaps even in the near future, I do not think it is true just yet. I think he is confused. The distance between us made it all worse. It clouded his judgment and made him think of things that are untrue. Our marriage had been a struggle from the very start. I know he feels something for me, just as I feel something for him, but he is not in love. We did not get to it, not yet. And that is not something I can say to his face.

I am lucky that he is a man who knows how to handle silence, especially after such a confession. I suppose my actions said more than my words ever could. However, it did not erase the guilt I felt, the guilt of not saying the same words back. I cannot say it until I truly feel it. Robb had rushed it, in all of his confusion. And I cannot say the same. I am not there yet, even if he believes he is.

"We should return to the castle," I speak up, knowing fully well that both of us would rather stay here, all day, ignoring the rest of the world and the duties that come along with it. "Someone will wonder where we disappeared to, they might even come looking for us." I tell him. I have not been a Queen long enough to know, but I imagine that it is troubling when the King or Queen, not to mention both of them together, disappear without informing anyone of their plans.

He is a King and I am his Queen. As much as I would like to have a chance to take spontaneous trips away from Winterfell, it is not possible and we should not make it a habit.

"Is it wrong that I wish to stay here longer?" Robb asks me.

"Of course not," I shake my head. "I do not want to leave either. But we must."

Saying nothing, Robb gets up and gets dressed. Following his lead, I do the same. I felt like a villain, being the one that reminded us both of our duty and obligations. I cannot afford to feel like a villain when it comes to my own life. I am lucky my husband seems to know how to vanquish my guilt; even before I welcomed it with open arms, he grabbed my hand and let the way, letting his thumb circle over my hand as he held it tight, continuing the one form of affection we were allowed to have in public.

No one looked at us twice. I knew the people were already used to me, but I expected Robb's presence to cause a change in their daily behavior; I expected them to at least look at him. It seems as if I had forgotten that Robb was raised here and that these people are the same ones who watched him running around this courtyard, wooden sword in hand, his siblings running after him.

We were still holding hands when I noticed Davos; our eyes met and even from a distance, it seemed to me as if he wanted to talk to me in private as much as I wanted to talk to him. We have only seen each other in the council meeting, and as a man who practically raised me and my sister, Ser Davos deserves better. I stop in my tracks, earning a confused look from my husband.

"You go," I tell him, letting his hand go. "I need to speak to Ser Davos." I tell him. He knows this man means a lot to me, even if he does not know the very extend of how close I was to him. And I imagine that he got a chance to speak to Ser Davos while they were at Dragonstone.

"I will wait for you," Robb tells me. "I have to speak with Ser Rodrick either way."

"Alright," I nod and smile at him, before I make my way to Ser Davos, who was looking my way and knew I was coming for a much needed conversation. "What do you think of my new home, Ser Davos?" I ask him, causing him to chuckle.

"I am still unsure about Winterfell, Your Grace. When it comes to you, however, I would say the North suits you well, Your Grace."

"What do I have to do, Ser Davos, to get you to call me by my birth name?" I ask, shaking my head. "I begged you, I even ordered you. And yet you still call me by my title. Please, Ser Davos, call me Sophia. You are like a father to me. It does not feel right."

"Saying that I am like a father to you apparently does the trick, Sophia," he sighs. I can feel my cheeks hurt from the smile I had now. "How are you? How are you handling all of this?"

"How much time do you have?" I ask, making him laugh. I link our arms and we start walking; walking and talking. "It is not as bad as I make it seem. The people here are very kind to me. They have accepted me. Lady Catelyn helps me, every step of the way. At times I miss my husband, you, my father… I miss your council and I feel… such pressure, having to do this on my own. I keep it up only because I know I will not be alone for good." I tell him. I am not keeping my struggles a secret. Catelyn, who has been with me from the start, has seen it all for herself. Robb knows, because I felt the need to tell him. Shireen notices, even if I try to shelter her from it. Stating it to Davos was different.

"Your father worries," Davos tells me. "Even if he does not say it to us, out loud, I can see it. He is worried. Having your husband informing him of your actions does not help."

"Do not try to guilt me into writing him, Davos," I warn him with a sigh. "I know it needs to be done. Trust me, I tried it. I tried writing him and I ended up with a blank parchment. We have always kept it very formal, Ser Davos. I do not need my father anymore, not as much as I thought I did." I admit.

I do not say the complete truth, not even to Davos. And the truth is, I will never forgive my father for blindsiding me with my marriage to Robb. He handed me off, with no warning, in a matter of hours.

I am not the one for revenge, nor do I think Stannis Baratheon deserves revenge for what he did. It hurt, it did, but he did not ruin my entire life. Revenge is not needed, nor do I want it, but I will never let him forget. In the years to come, if we are lucky enough to live through them all, I will never let him forget of what he did to me. I needed a father that day. Even if he was to take me out of the room and ask me if I was truly alright with the idea of marrying this complete stranger, straight away… he did not bother. He asked me for my opinion, he did, but he did so in front of everyone, even my then possible husband.

I will never forget and neither will he. I will make sure of that.

"Having Princess Shireen away is not helping anyone, I am afraid." Davos tells me.

"No, it does not help you, because you miss her," I shake my head. "You are the one who misses her, not my father. What does he do? Does he cry himself to sleep every night? I doubt it. He has a war to win, a wife to handle and a red priestess to advise him along the way. Shireen and I are both much better being away from all of that." I tell him. There is no doubt in my mind that bringing Shireen here was a good decision. She is far better off with me and lady Catelyn than she ever was with Stannis and Selyse. And I do not even want to think about the red priestess. She was exposed to her long enough.

"If you think your father does not love you, you are mistaken."

"Ser Davos, I know you respect him, but do not do that," I shake my head. "Do not defend him, not in front of me. I know he loves us in his own, strange way. I do not question that. But the fact that he has love for us does not make him a good father. I am alright. I will be alright. Shireen? You know how much that girl needed love and affection. And she only ever got it from me and you. King Stannis Baratheon might be a good King, a great leader, an honorable man and a role model, but that little girl deserved a better father and you know that," I tell him. When Davos says nothing, I know that he realizes that I have a point. And Davos not seeing Stannis Baratheon as a perfect, flawless man was a change. "He has his war. I will raise his child. We are better off anyway. Does he still listen to the red woman?" I ask.

"He does, I am afraid," Davos admits. I am glad he told me the truth. I would not be surprised if he was to defend my father, but he did not do so. "Not as much as he did before, but he still follows her. As of now, she did nothing that will harm your father in any way."

"Other than convincing him of murdering his own brother," I remind him. "A rightful King he may be. I am not trying to deny that. I also believe he will be a good King. A rightful, powerful King. But he will always be a kinslayer. Nothing could ever erase that."

Another conflict I am yet to resolve. A traitor that was also my favorite family member and my friend. I wish Renly never turned his back on father. If he was by our side, all of it would have been different. I am not complaining with the position I am in right now, but Renly could have been alive. I would have had a friend. With him alive, we might have even have the Tyrell's on our side.

If that was the case, I probably would have been married to Willas Tyrell, a man I never met and a man that was interested for my hand in marriage, or so the whispers said. The Wall would melt before Stannis would have handed me to a Tyrell. And if he was to do that, if Renly was alive, we would all have to fight Robb.

I do not like that, not even as a hypothetical possibility that will never happen.

"You hold a lot of anger, Sophia," Davos tells me. "It is not my place to say whether or not it is reasonable. It is yours, after all. What I can say is something I wish you will keep in mind. Your Father does love you. Both you and your sister."

"It is a shame he loves his duty more," I shrug. Davos can try and educate me, try and stir some emotion in me, but I know who I am and I know who Stannis Baratheon is. He loves me and he loves Shireen, but he loves being who he is just a bit more. "I do not want to speak about it no longer, Ser Davos. I am more interested in what you think of my husband," I admit. "I have my own opinion formed. I do wish to hear your opinion. After all, I trust it." I tell him.

"Do you want my opinion on his character or on his military capability?" Davos asks me.

"Why not both?" I ask with a smile.

"Well, as a leader, I believe he has a good head on his shoulders," he tells me. "He is smart and a good leader. His people follow him, and he is a skilled warrior," he adds. I do feel relief. I knew of his victories and his capability, but Davos is far more skilled than I will ever be; he understands this. "As for his character, well, I believe you know him better than I ever will."

"Every time I start to know him properly, we need to say goodbye," I sigh. "I cannot build a relationship while he fights a war and I am leading the North. We are doing the best we can."

"I told you I think he is smart," Davos tells me. "He knows it as well, I am sure of it. Once this is all over and your ruling is established, you will have the chance to grow together."

"That's what I keep saying to myself," I sigh. "Have you had a chance to spend some time with Shireen? I know just how much she missed you."

"I have," he smiles at me. "We had lunch together and she had a chance to complain to me about you not allowing her to train in swordfight." He tells me; I let out a snort.

"How lovely, she is complaining about me as well," I chuckle. "That child is too much like me. I remember one moment, when I was younger. I cannot recall what it was that I did and what it was that Selyse wanted me to do, but I angered her and I was not behaving the way she wanted me to. We were fighting and she told me that she hopes my children would cause me as much trouble as I did to her."

"But you were never a troubled child, Sophia."

"I was in her eyes," I sigh. "As far as trouble children go, I was as innocent as a flower. But I see her warning now. Shireen is reaching a certain age. There will be a lot for me to handle."

"Nothing that your capability cannot meet." Davos shrugs.

"I hope you are right," I admit. "I cannot have her running around with a sword. I want to be a good sister and a good motherly figure, but with all of this mess, I do not have time for her, not as much as I did before. I do not want for her to pay a price for the direction my life took, but with Winterfell in my charge and with my father and husband fighting… I am not as good of a sister as I used to be."

"Shireen is a smart little girl, Sophia. Do not forget that," Davos reminds me with a small smile. "She might be reaching that difficult age and she might cause you some trouble, but I believe she does not hold anything against you. She is a smart one and she knows what you must do. I am sure you make time for her whenever you have any time to give."

Not as much as I need. I cannot say that to Davos. I cannot admit to my own defeat.

"I hope you are right," I tell him. As we take a turn, I see another person from my former life. Matthos was standing in the courtyard, speaking to one of Robb's men. It still hurts. I am amazed by it still causing pain to me. Not as much as it did before, but it is still there. "Ser Davos, do you mind if I leave you now? We will speak more afterwards, I promise, but I wish to speak to Matthos as well." I tell him. I do not think I will have a chance to speak to Matthos later on. I do not think he has been avoiding me, but I doubt he would want to speak to me in front of Robb. And it just so happens that I tend to follow Robb wherever he may go.

"Of course not," Davos tells me with a smile. "I believe Matthos would like to speak to you as well. And you and I will have a time for a conversation."

"Thank you," I smile and with a nod, I part from him. I walk towards Matthos and the soldier and by the time I reach them, Matthos noticed me. He did not turn around and walk away, which I took as a good sign. The soldier bows his head, as does Matthos, but unlike the soldier, who turns around and walks away, Matthos stayed. "Hello." I tell him, smiling.

What do you say to a man who confessed his love to you one night before your marriage to another man? What do you say? How do you continue any kind of friendship that was there? It started crumbling when the Red Woman became a part of my father's council, but before… it was strong. We were friends when we were still children and at one point, I started falling for him. Knowing that he started falling for me too and that I am married to another… not to mention that I actually like my husband. This is not a conversation I wanted to have, but I needed it nonetheless.

"Your Grace," he tells me. Like father, like son. "It is nice to see you well, Your Grace."

"Once upon a time, you called me Sophia," I tell him. "I almost miss those days."

"I cannot do that, Your Grace," Matthos tells me. It does not escape my notice that he does not look directly into my eyes. He does not even look at me at all; his eyes are directed towards the ground. "I am glad to see you well. You seem happy with him." he adds. I was not expecting him to acknowledge my marriage in any way, not while he was still calling me by my title. I imagine he himself does not know what to think or say. He wants to keep his distance but after the friendship we had and the memories we shared, it is almost insulting to act as if none of it ever happened.

"Do I?" I ask, more myself than I do him. "He is a good man and he treats me well. I am happy. I am just surprised it shows."

"It does," he tells me. "Many men would die for that greeting you gave him, Your Grace."

Again, he does not know the direction in which he is going. He cannot call me by my name yet he can comment on me kissing my husband in front of everyone? If I did not know his feelings were in question, I would not take it as lightly as I took it now. He told me. Too little too late, but he told me and I know.

"I missed him," I tell him honestly. "Matthos, I always knew I would be married off. I was lucky enough to prepare myself for that even before my father proclaimed himself the King. For whatever reason, I was meant to marry him and become a Stark. I could either take it as it is and grow to love it, or I can sulk and cry myself to sleep every night, not doing any good to anyone. It is very clear to me which decision is the right one."

"And do you love him, Your Grace?" he asks. It takes me a moment to answer that question.

"No. But I know I will."

"I am glad to hear that, Your Grace," he mumbles, sounding as honest as a rock. "You deserve all the happiness in this world. I hope you have a very loving marriage." He tells me. I was not surprised when he turns around and leaves, without asking for my permission to do so. I am glad he does not do that; asking for my permission to leave would be like a twist of a knife he dug into my belly. It is evident that he still has some unresolved feelings about me and about what we used to be. And I do to, as much as I do not want to admit it. But I have Robb. I have a marriage to take care of, a relationship to build. A relationship I actually enjoy building. With Robb fighting his way through, there is no room in my heart for Matthos. There is, as a friend. But I have a family now and I am working very hard on expanding that family. I cannot afford to carry any sort of feelings for another man.

Nor do I want it. Robb deserves better. I deserve better and yes, Matthos deserves better as well. If I ever loved him truly, that is long gone.

"How did it go?" I hear a voice behind me; I do not have to turn around to know that it is Robb's. I imagine he has a lot of trust in me, because I do not know how I would react if I saw him speaking to Talisa. The difference is, that love was palpable. Matthos and I were nothing more than platonic. I can only wonder when I will start to truly trust Robb, especially given that his former love is many leagues away, married to another man.

"Not good," I admit, still looking after Matthos. "He is still conflicted. He did not have a spouse to focus on, I am afraid."

"You do not love him anymore?" he asks me.

"I do not think I ever did," I admit. "Love is not the same as infatuation. I do not even know if I should call it infatuation. Feelings, but never love. That does not change that he was once my closest friend."

"We grow up," Robb tells me, taking me by surprise when he puts his arms around me and kisses me on the back of my head. "Our childhood friendships either disappear or grow stronger. We make other allies. We fall in love with different people. We change."

"What is in the past is in the past," I mumble, nodding my head, pretending as if he did not mention love again. "We must look at the future now. And my future is with you."

He says nothing. He simply kisses me on the back of my head again.

* * *

"I don't understand," Shireen shakes her head as she looks up at me. "Why would a mermaid want legs? She is a mermaid!"

I was guilt ridden after my conversation with Davos. I knew all along that I was not giving Shireen as much attention as I should have and that needed to be changed. And I will start from tonight. As much as I would like to spend some valuable time with Robb while he is here, I needed to do this.

And I know Robb would understand. He had his own obligations to tend to, and I could afford to spend an hour or two with my sister. If I am the one that will raise her from now on, I should not be making the same mistakes our parents did. They did not pay enough attention to her; I was the one who did that. And I need to keep doing that. I might be a Queen, but I am still a sister and probably her only role model. No matter how difficult it gets, I should remind myself to keep Shireen a priority. Love is not enough. I need to give her my attention as well.

"Well, she fell in love," I shrug. "It is easy to want a fish tail when you are not in love. When you have nothing to give up on, you would just jump into the sea and never come back to the surface, exploring everything that the water is hiding. She fell in love with a man. She was willing to give up on everything she knew, everything that was familiar to her and take on a challenge. She was in love, little one."

"Does love make you want to give up on your dreams?" Shireen asks and I burst out laughing.

"How do you know she dreamt of being a mermaid forever and ever?" I ask through laughter. "Love might have been her dream all along. Or it became her dream, when she rescued the prince. Love does not make you want to give up on your dreams, pup. It makes your dreams change."

"For better or for worse?" she asks me, wearing a frown on her adorable face. I hold back laughter, surprised by her genuine curiosity. I do not know if I should keep on answering her questions or not, given how deep she is digging this hole. By the time she gets to the age when she falls in love, I will already teach her everything there is to know, despite being uneducated about it myself.

"How should I know?" I ask, smiling. "I suppose it depends on the situation."

"How did it change for you?" she asks me.

"Pup, love and marriage are not always the same." I warn her, a warning she received with an eye roll.

"Fine, then how did marriage change your dreams and hopes?" she corrects herself.

"I am not sure," I admit, giving myself a moment to consider the possible answer. "I suppose your view on everything changes. You stop thinking about yourself and your needs. You work as a team, as a pair. My needs are no longer a priority and neither are his. We have common priorities now. We work together, we work to make our priorities be equal, so that we can make some progress. We want the same things. And if we do not agree, we meet each other halfway. You are not alone. That is the biggest change." I explain. I probably confused her even more.

"That is how marriage works," she tells me. "Not how it changed your hopes and dreams."

"Shireen, I had no to begin with," I shake my head. "My only hope and dream was that we will all be alive and that you will be well. And if possible, for my husband not to be an idiot. We are still alive and you are doing more than well. And Robb is no idiot. The only real difference is that I actually want a family now, but that is not a change from before my marriage; it's a change from the start of it. Then, I needed a family, an heir. Now I want one. Nothing else has changed."

"You care for him. That's a change."

"Seeing as I did not even know him before, it is." I chuckle.

"I hope you have a family," she sighs. "I want to be an aunt."

"Do you now?" I ask, laughing. She never told me that, but any child of mine should be beyond happy to have an aunt like Shireen. She would be perfect at it too. She and Sansa would spoil my children rotten, having Robb and I working hard to counter their spoiling.

"Yes," she nods her head, smiling up at me. "You should go to your husband now."

"Shireen!"

"He will not be here for long," she shrugs. "I will. I can wait. So go."

"Alright, alright, I can see when I am not wanted," I joke. "Have a good night, pup. Sweet dreams." I say as I kiss her head, before tucking her in. I did not even notice how tired she looked; that girl could have a heated discussion about why should a mermaid want to remain a mermaid for good, even when she is half asleep. Her eyes were already closed when I closed the door behind me.

I forget sometimes just how young she is. When I was her age, I did not have all of this to handle. She is so brave, braver than I ever was. She is taking it all in, showing no struggle as she adapts to the changes we are facing. At least she seems happy now, happier than she ever was before.

I sneak into our chambers, expecting Robb to be asleep; he was sitting behind his desk, a frown present on his face. I stop sneaking around and smile at him, despite him not looking at me as I walked in.

"Do you think I would be such a bad sister if I let Shireen learn how to swordfight?" I ask him.

"What?" he asks in surprise, finally looking up at me.

"I told you she wants to have her own sword and learn how to use it," I remind him as I walk behind the changing screen, nightgown in hand. "What if I am making a mistake by refusing it? She did not have a lovely, fun filled childhood. She is happier here than she ever was back at Dragonstone. Would it be so bad of me, so bad as an acting parent, to allow her something that would make her happy, even if it would put her in slight danger?" I ask him. I doubt she would be in actual danger. If he trained me, I am sure Ser Rodrick could also train her. A wooden sword is not much of a weapon anyways.

"Both options are understandable." He mumbles.

When I ask him for his opinion, he usually bothers enough to give it. As soon as I put on my night gown, I peak from behind the changing screen, frowning at him.

"I asked you for your opinion." I say.

"She's your sister, Sophia," he sighs, looking up at me. "It is your decision ultimately."

"I thought we were doing this together, Shireen included," I say, feeling uneasy with the direction this conversation was taking. I walk over to the bed, staring him down. "If you asked me for my opinion about something connected to Sansa, I would have given you true advice."

"Are we in this together?" he asks. He must notice my reaction because he sighs, closes his eyes and runs a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry. I'm just… it's quite an interesting read, this." He says and he waves a notebook before dropping it back on the table. My heart skips a beat when I recognize the notebook as soon as it hit the table.

"You were not supposed to read that."

"I know that now," he tells me. Now I know why he can't look at me at all. "If it was not meant for my eyes, why did you keep it in our chambers, on top of a pile in one of the drawers?"

"Because I am stupid," I admit, feeling angry at myself. I should have been smarter. I was in a rush to make the whole room tidy for his eyes, but I should have used my brain. Instead, it was useless. "It was never supposed to reach you. Do not think twice about it. Those are just some stupid scribbles of mine."

"They do not seem like stupid scribbles to me," he tells me. "When I saw your handwriting, I was about to put it back into the drawer. But then I noticed my name at top of the page. And the one after that and the one after that. If it was never meant for me to read, why address it to me?"

"How much did you read?" I ask. The more he talked, the more I remembered. The last few pages were not something I ever imagined he would read. I put all of my worries and insecurities on those papers. I was not ready for him to know them. And with the possible miscarriage and my growing confusion about what I feel for him… I did not hold back when I was writing.

"All of it."

"Robb," I start, only to realize I have no solid defense for this one. "Do not take it seriously. Those are simply words I needed to get out, and I was not ready to send them to you. Most of it you know."

"And what about the things I did not know about?" he asks. He is angry; I can see it in his eyes. I can see how they narrow as he finally looks directly at me. "This notebook is a physical confirmation of your lack of trust in me. I give everything, my heart and my mind, right on a silver platter and I put it in front of you, while you close yourself off completely and refuse to trust me! How is that fair?"

"It means nothing!" I snap at him. "I trust you, I do!"

"Then why not share it with me?"

"Because I was afraid!" I yell back at him. "You should not have to deal with the struggles I face. It is bad enough I have to deal with it. You were in the South, fighting, with a pile of worries on top of you. I did not want to add to that, not if I could handle it myself. And yes, I did not want you to know some of these things. You think of me as brave and smart and strong, all those things you said to me. Is it really that difficult to understand why I wouldn't want you to know about the rock bottom I managed to hit when I realized that I was not with child? Do you truly want to know about how difficult the task you gave me actually is and how I've been losing sleep because of it? No, you do not. You want to come home, find a happy and smiling wife. Well, I can be that, but if I am playing that part well, do not blame me for not sharing the bad with you."

"You are supposed to share the bad with me!" he bites back. "We are supposed to share everything. If I want you at your best, I should be there to help you at your worst."

"But you are not here, are you?" I ask. "I am not blaming you!" I jump when I see him about to speak up in his defense. "It is not like you are not here because that's the way you want it. I know that and I do not blame you for it, but why would I ask you for help when you cannot help me? You were leagues away, fighting and killing. What could you do, charge here on your horse to hold me while I cry?"

"Yes," he tells me. "That's exactly what I could do."

"You will never win a war that way."

"And I will never have your trust this way."

"I think war is more important than my trust, Robb. Besides, you have it. I do trust you," I sigh, desperate to make him see that this was not selfish. Or even if it turned out to be selfish, it was not the intention I had. I thought it was selfless. I thought it was selfless of me to keep him sheltered from things that were troubling me, but apparently, he has a desire for struggle. "What I wrote in there is more about me than it is about us. It's not a question or whether or not I wanted to share that information with you because of our trust. It's a question of how I did not want you to know… I did not want you to know the bad sides of it. I would rather have you… being impressed or proud of me than to worry about me as well. It is nothing I cannot handle. I am not falling apart. I simply put all of the negative into that book and not into my letters to you."

"Why not put it into letters?"

"Are you listening to what I am saying?"

"Are you listening to what I am saying?" he yells back. "I want you to share everything to me. No, I want you to want to share everything with me. Good or bad, because I signed up for both. I can handle both."

"You do not know what you are talking about."

"Don't I?" he asks. "If I seem to recall, I told you about Talisa on our wedding night. I shared the bad with you, because I did not want you worried, wondering if it is something you did that is making me distant. I did not want you to think it was about you, so I shared it all."

"You think it is about you?"

"Don't think it escaped my notice that you did not say you feel the same for me earlier today."

I was willing to ignore it for the time being. I should have known he wasn't ready for it as well.

"If you think I do not care for you, you are a bloody fool. A blind, bloody fool."

"Then why don't you trust me?"

"Fuck, Robb!" I yell, even surprising myself. "I trust you! What do I have to do to prove that? Is it this?" I ask, and before he could stop me, I walk up to the desk, grab the notebook and I throw it directly into the fire. "That's what I think of the notebook. That's how little it mattered. Better?"

"The why did you write that you wanted to give me the one thing Talisa never did?" he asks.

"What do you think?" I ask, more disappointed than I was angry. "You think I do not care for you. You think I do not trust you. If that was the truth, do you think I would compare myself to a woman I never even met? I did it daily, Robb. I still do. It doesn't matter what you say. All of my attention was yours, from day one. And all the while, I thought I could never be like her. I never laid eyes on her in my entire life, yet I wondered if she was prettier, smarter, kinder… Despite being foolish enough to suggest it myself, every single time you would roll off of me, I would wonder if it was her you imagined. You do not know what that feels like. You did nothing wrong. You reassured me about it repeatedly. You were gallant and honest and I have nothing to hold against you, but you do not understand what that feels like. And that's why it has nothing to do with trust. It's all about my insecurities. All about me thinking how I am not good enough, how I am useless and how you will one day regret your decision to marry me. That is what I have been living with. I care for you, more than I ever thought I would. When you hold me, I hope you never let go. When I am happy, I truly am the happiest woman around. But when we part ways, and we have been doing that far too often for my liking, I go right back into that hole. A hole whose existence you shouldn't have found out about. It's not about trust. It's about my issues."

"What do I have to do to prove my feelings for you?" he asks me, after a very long silence. "Tell me and I will do it, because I do not want you in that hole, Sophia."

"Well, I am in it," I shake my head, feeling tears roll off my cheeks; I did not even notice that I started crying. "I will either crawl out of it myself or I will stay in it for good. There is nothing you can do to help me. I believe I will get out of it. But I need to do it on my own."

"You told me yourself, we are not alone anymore," he shakes his head as he gets up from behind the desk. "I needed to know this. In knowing this, I know you. You might think that you should go through it alone, but you shouldn't. And you're not going to." He tells me as he puts his hands on my shoulders.

"Gods, Robb, why are you doing this?" I ask, wiping away the tears with the back of my hand. "Why not let me go through this on my own terms? Why not let me do it alone?"

"Because you are my wife," he tells me in a low voice. "I married you. Twice, at that. I promised to keep you safe and protected. You are my family, you are my duty. I told you all of this before. Talisa has been out of my heart, out of my mind for even longer. When I married you, I left her behind and I closed that book for good. You say your attention was always was mine. Where do you think my attention went? I never thought about her, Sophia. When I was with you, I was always with you. Why would I think of someone from my past when my wife is right in front of me, strong, brave, kind and beautiful? When I married you, I signed up for good and bad. We had both and we've been through both and somewhere along the way, I truly fell in love with you. We will have a child. And if we don't, we will live our lives together. We will win this war. We will rule together, we will stand together through all of it, good or bad. I meant it when I said it and I know you did as well. I want to know your bad because it is my bad as well. You think I will regret you and that is your bad. Good, because I am here to promise you that regretting you will never be a possibility. I am mad about you, so that one is settled. Talisa is settled. She is not a part of my life and you are the center of it. If we have 15 children or if we have none, I will still feel the same, so that is settled as well. Your bad becomes your good. Did I miss something?"

"It does not work that way."

"It does," he shakes his head. "That is exactly how it works. That's how it starts, at least. If we want to make the good even better, I will need you to write to me, and not in a notebook. Can you promise me you will do that? Tell me, whatever it is. Good, bad, stupid, whatever it is. Can you do that?"

"I don't know."

"Can you at least try?"

"Yes."

"Good. Because it will not scare me away," he tells me. "I am not an idiot. I know this is not easy for you and I can only imagine how it felt like to go through it alone, but you are not alone now. And when you lose hope, like you did now, I will be here to give you that hope, to share my own hope with you. Perhaps in the future, it will be the other way around. We will take it, both the good and bad. We will lift each other up because that's what we are supposed to do. And at the end of the day, I want to help you. Not because I have to, but because I don't want you to go through it alone."

"It could get bad." I warn him.

"I know. And if it does, I will be ready for it, so long as you trust me."

"I trust you," I reassure him. It is more than trust, but I cannot put it to words. And I do not want to say it halfway. When I truly love him, I will say it with no remorse. I will not say it halfway. "If that is what you want, I will share it all with you."

"Good. Now the only thing I have to do is to make you see that I really am in love with you."

"Robb," I sigh. "You don't know what you are saying."

"Don't I?" he asks, chuckling. "Because I think I do. And as you were kind enough to point out, I have something to compare it to."

Ouch. I set myself up for that one.

"Is that supposed make me happy?"

"I wish you could see yourself the way I see you," he laughs, shaking his head. "I do not want to insult her, but she has nothing on you. One of these days, you will realize how much you mean to me and I for one cannot wait for that day to come. I'd give it all up for you."

"All of what?" I ask in confusion.

"All of it. The war, the Kingdome. I would give it all up for a quiet life with you. But you brought an alliance with you, an alliance and a promise that went both ways. As soon as I fulfill it… Let's just say that you mean more to me now than I ever imagined you could. And I will make you see that."

"Robb, I know you care for me, I am not blind," I shake my head. "And I feel it myself. I know the care…"

"Not care, Sophia," he interrupts me. "Love. It is different. You will know it when you feel it."

"Do not try to guilt me into…"

"I'm not," he laughs. "I do not know what you thought, but you not loving me does not bother me. I know you are on the right road, because I was on it not that long ago. What bothers me is the denial you are in, the fact that you don't accept it."

"Yes, because…"

"You are insecure, and you hate that."

"Well… yes."

"Good, because I can help you with that."

"Robb, you really can't…"

"No," he shakes his head, taking one of my hands and putting it on his head, holding it. "She is not here," he tells me and he moves our hands and puts them over his heart. "And she sure as hell isn't here."

"And I am?"

"You are," he confirms. I want to disagree but I know we would just keep going back in circles. I do not have the strength to go in circles. If he wants to think he is in love with me, so be it. I will take my time until I am certain of my own feelings. "Now, can I kiss you? Because I have been dying to do that since you walked into the room, but you have been crying and if you want me to keep away, I will."

"I told you that you don't have to ask for my permission," I shake my head. "I always want to kiss you. It is not…"

I do not get to finish my sentence before he starts kissing me. Just as it always does, the moment our lips touch, everything else seems irrelevant. All of the stupid and bad things, all of them just fall back into oblivion, because he is here and he is kissing me and for whatever reason, he seems to like it.

If it could keep it all in oblivion, I wish he would kiss me all the time. Then again, I wish it either way, with or without the oblivion.


	39. Chapter 39

**I was so not going to post this one yet.**

 **But it's GOT night.**

 **AND, Running up that hill passed 300 followers! WOO-HOO! Bring on the fireworks!**

 **So, this is your prezzy. I'm off now; I have chapters to write and an episode to watch.**

 **Let me know what you think! As soon as I write something, I'll post it! :)**

* * *

"You leave tonight?" I ask and he nods. "If that is so, would it be such a problem if we were to stay in here all day?"

"As much as I would love to do that, I am afraid I have to oversee the preparations for the journey."

"I know," I nod my head, doing my best not to look sad or angered by it. It is the way it is. Just yesterday, I did not want us to stay away from the castle for too long because that was not a luxury we are entitled to. It is idiotic to hope for a moment of peace in a time of war. "How long do you think you will be away?" I ask, knowing that he can only offer me a guess, prediction. It is impossible to know for certain.

"If all goes by plan, less than a month," he tells me. His predictions are better than mine were; I thought it would take him longer. "And once I do return, I cannot stay. We must march, both on King's Landing and on Casterly Rock. We should have done that as soon as you and I married."

"Do you think that was a better move? To do it that quick?"

"Perhaps," he shrugs. "Your father wanted to wait and every military move I make, I do so together with him. He thought it was smarter to wait and I agreed to it. If it was a smart move or not, we will never know. That being said, I cannot let my desire to be back home affect my ruling. I need to think as a King and not as a man who does not want to be in this war, let alone lead it."

"Do you think they underestimate you?" I ask.

"I think they did, before we fought them in the Riverlands," he admits. "We were smart enough to keep our army's apart. There was no formal announcement of our marriage, Sophia. For all we know, they do not even know of it. They must know about some meetings and a possible alliance, but I doubt they know just how close we are working together, your father and I. Tywin Lannister is a very capable leader and he will put up a decent fight."

"Yet you think that if you take Casterly Rock from him, you will strike him where it hurts the most?"

"It is his home," Robb sighs. "I know how horrible I felt when Theon attacked Winterfell. If we were to take his ancestral home from him, he will know how serious we are. We will all fight with full forces."

"And most of you will not make it home from that," I add. I heard it before, especially lately. The only difference between the winning and losing side is how many dead they have to burry. If they charge at one another, Robb and father on one side and Tywin and Jaime Lannister on the other… it will not end well. Even if Robb and father were to be victors, it would not end well. "I don't think you will ever understand how afraid I am that you will not be returning home. It has nothing to do with my faith in you. I know you have the capability; I know you have the man power. Yet I fear it all the same." I admit. It was not something that I ever kept a secret, but it is not easy to put it to words.

"I fear it as well," he admits. "It is not something we can run away from. If I was not frightened, I would be stupid. But I have faith. I truly believe that I will come back to you, back to my home and that we will have a chance to have a normal life. That is what I am fighting for."

"I don't want you to leave again," I whine, hugging him more tightly than before as I feel him shake with laughter. "I want to be selfish and I want you to be selfish and just stay here, leaving my father in charge of the war. I want to be selfish. I want you to stay here or for me to go with you."

"You know why that is impossible?"

"Of course I do," I sigh. "Doesn't mean I want it any less."

"It will all be over soon. I promise." he tells me. I doubt he even believes in it.

* * *

"Robb agrees with it," I say to Catelyn as she frowns, looking down at the papers in front of her. "I spoke to him about it. It is our duty to help them. The Night's Watch deserves more than it receives, and right now, we are the only ones that are helping it. Once the war is over, it will be easier. I might not know much, but as a Queen, I will demand help for them. We might struggle for a little while, but that struggle will be over soon enough."

"We are already paying attention on our spending," she shakes her head. "We hold no feasts. Your own wedding must have been the smallest wedding between a King and a Princess Westeros had ever seen. The only excessive spending is what you ordered, regarding feeding the prisoners."

I admire Catelyn Stark greatly. She is smart and kind enough not to disagree with me in front of others, and when she does disagree with me, she is calm when pointing out my mistakes. I need someone to do that for me. I am not insulted by it. She is older and smarter and unlike me, she has experience when it comes to running Winterfell. I would have been lost if I did not have her by my side.

This was the first time that something she said did not sit well by me.

"Have you been down in the dungeons, my lady?" I ask her. She insisted for me to call her by her name, but now was not a time for that. If I was going to disagree with her, the least I can do is show her some respect with using her title. "I did not make that decision lightly. Not long after I arrived to Winterfell, I went to the dungeons to speak to Theon Greyjoy." I tell her.

"Why would you do that?" she asks me in surprise.

"That is not of any importance, but I wanted to see the man that my husband considered his closest friend, a man that betrayed him more than anyone ever did. It was my decision to do so. It matters not why I did it; what matters is what I saw when I went down those stairs. They were starving, my lady."

"They are prisoners. They are not supposed to live in luxury."

"Is water and a piece of old bread a day a luxury?" I ask her. When she stays silent, I know that she sees my reasoning. "It is not a luxury, my lady. That old bread would have gone to the dogs. We have more old bread than we do dogs."

"Does Robb know of any of this?" she asks me.

"I am unsure if I mentioned it or not to him, it has been a while since I gave that order. By all means, ask him if he agrees or not. I can explain my opinion to him as well."

"I have no doubt that he would agree with you."

Now, that one hurt. I was not used to such comments coming from her.

"Because I am his wife or because I might have a point?"

She could have all of my respect, but I was not about to let her treat me with any less. It is not in my interest to have any sort of conflicts with her, but this is a topic I am strongly opinionated about. Despite all her help, at the end of the day, I am the Queen. I am the ruling lady of Winterfell and the Queen in the North. If I have to sway her son over to my side, I would not lose any sleep over it.

"A little bit of both," she says, and I do feel better when she offers me a small smile. "You influence him, probably more than you realize it. If you were not by his side, I doubt he would be as willing to offer Theon back to the Greyjoy's, in exchange for their support. That was all you, wasn't it?"

"I do not make him do anything, my lady. I am not such a great manipulator, nor is your son an idiot. I simply state my opinion and offer reasons that support it. He does not always agree to it, but he does listen and he does take it into consideration, which is more than I could ask for."

"I was someone's wife once, Sophia," she smiles at me. "There is no need to explain yourself to me. That being said, we can afford water and a piece of old bread on a daily basis. But be warned; if we start experiencing trouble with the coin, that will be the first thing to go."

"So it should," I agree. "We are in the middle of the war and we have the Night's Watch to help."

"Do you think one wagon of food will be enough?"

"No, but it is the best we can do at the moment," I sighs. "Lord Commander Mormont is a smart man. He knows what is going on south of the Wall. And I did promise more support once the war is over. As of now, we will help as much as we can afford."

"Stories show a different aspect of the Night's Watch," she mumbles, looking back at the papers in front of her. "They sing songs of heroes and glory. Now it is manned by robbers and rapists, who chose the Night's Watch over hanging. We are feeding robbers and rapists."

"Some of them are more than that, my lady," I disagree with her. "Jon was more than that. Some of his brothers are more than that and I can guarantee that Lord Commander Mormont is more than that. If we keep it up, if we help them, the Night's Watch might just return to its former days of glory. After all, the moment the war is over, they will have their pick of new brothers."

"It is better than killing everyone before us." she agrees.

"Most of them will probably bend the knee. It is easy to be brave when you have the upper hand."

"True," she nods her head. "Very well, that is settled. Should we move on to the taxes now?"

There is nothing duller than calculating the taxes lords pay us. Before the war started, all of the taxes were sent to King's Landing, but now, times have changed. The taxes are ours. However, those who normally do the tax calculations were fighting this war along with Robb. The houses still pay, that has not changed, but more often than not, the calculations were wrong. Catelyn and I would spend hours over the papers, checking them all, checking one another, having to return coin to some and ask more from others. Another part of ruling no one bothers to inform you about. They all speak about the crowns and dresses, the feasts and the jewels. I have been a Queen for a while now. All of the clothes I wore were the same ones I wore in Dragonstone. I had no crown, at least not yet, no jewels and the only feast I was a part of was the one on my wedding day, which was more like a large dinner than it was a feast.

All I had was taxes, papers and decisions to make.

"If we must," I make Catelyn laugh; she knew all too well how little I enjoyed this. I wished I could leave all of this and spend more time with Robb before he leaves, but that was not an option. I could not afford to be irresponsible. I do not want to leave a bad impression, not on Catelyn, not on anyone else. I must do my job, even if I would rather spend time with my husband. "We start with the Glovers?"

* * *

By the time we were done with the work we had, I barely had any will to live. With Robb leaving after sun fall, this day was not promising. My mood was foul and I went searching for the two people that might just help change that.

Both Shireen and Robb were nowhere to be found. I searched nearly every room in the castle, the library; I asked Maester Luwin, Sansa, Ser Davos… none of them knew to tell me where they were.

Robb, I could live with not knowing where he is. After all, he is a man grown. But a girl of ten and two, running around without anyone knowing where she is? That is a mistake, my mistake at that.

When I end up in the courtyard, I go searching for the one person who knows this courtyard like the back of his hand, even if he has not been living her for very long.

"Where's the fire now?" he asks, looking annoyed as he wipes up the sweat from his forehead. He is sweaty and dirty, but I imagine that is what a blacksmith's life looks like.

"Can I not visit you without asking for your help about something?"

"Of course you can," he shrugs, walking over to me. "But I think I know you better than that."

"You don't," I roll my eyes. "I was looking for Shireen or Robb, so if you have seen them…"

"They were in the training area, last time I saw them," he shrugs. "Wait for me; I have to speak to your husband either way."

"What is the matter?" I ask, confused. What can he ask of Robb that he can't ask of me?

"I was wondering if he knows something more about Arya and where she might be," Gendry shrugs, pretending like it is not as important as it was. He sounds carefree, like he is just curious, but I just saw him jumping at an opportunity to talk to Robb about it. I do not want to make any assumptions and I certainly do not want to cause any more problems, with all that we already have going on, but he sure seems to be very worried about Arya Stark. "I thought they would have found her by now, that's all."

"Perhaps they would have found her already had you told me about it the first time we spoke in private," I remind him, still feeling slight anger. He did not trust me. I literally trusted him with my life when we were on that road and he did not trust me enough to share the information about Arya with me. "Now we have to wait."

"You sure know how to hold a grudge, don't you?"

"Yes," I answer, not even ashamed of it. "Though I am afraid he does not have any news regarding her," I tell him as we start walking towards the training pit. "He would have told me if he had."

"I can hope, can't I?" he asks, but he does not sound angry at me.

"You can," I agree. "I'm sorry about that, Gendry. She clearly means a lot to you."

"I think she was my only friend, the only one I had in my life," he admits, looking down at the ground as we walk. "I suppose I consider you a friend now too, as much as a blacksmith can be friends with a Queen. But for a very long time, Arya was the only friend I ever had."

"You know I want him to find her," I tell him, choosing my words carefully. "She is his sister and she clearly means a lot to you as well. And as far as our friendship goes, of course we are bloody friends, Gendry. You and I have been through a lot. One does not travel such a long way with someone without becoming friends afterwards. You are like the annoying older brother I never knew I needed."

"Ah, so you consider me family?" he laughs.

"I suppose I do, yes," I say, surprising myself with it. I knew I cared for the man, but I did not realize the extent of that care, not until I said it. Just like him, I did not have many friends in my life. I only ever had Matthos. With him being away and unable to look me in the eye, Gendry is the only friend I have. Shireen is my sister and Robb is my husband. I suppose Jon is a friend as well, but Gendry truly is like the older brother I never knew I wanted. He is always honest and never spares me, not caring if I am a Queen or not. He can make me laugh with ease. And at times, he is truly annoying. If I ever imagined an older brother, I would imagine him to be something like Gendry. "Don't think I have forgiven you for not telling me about Arya. You might be family, but you are still annoying."

"And there she goes again," he laughs, making me laugh as well. "Well, here's your husband."

When he told me they were at the training pit, I did not think twice of it. Weeks before, Shireen would spend half of her day, hanging from the fence as she watched Ser Rodrick training young boys of Winterfell how to properly hold a sword. She even forgot about her books; all of her time was dedicated to watching the training, when she could not train herself. I simply imagined that Robb would be the one that was practicing today and that she was watching him, taking more of it in, as Robb did have more experience than those boys she watched before.

I did not expect to find her in the pit as well, holding up a wooden sword, circling around Robb, who had a wide smile on his face as he held on tight to his own wooden sword.

With everything that happened last night, with the heavy conversation we had, and with him practically ignoring my question to begin with, I did not think he would even remember it. It hurt me a lot, having him throw all of the responsibility surrounding Shireen into my hands. Yes, I am her sister but I was not asking him to raise her; I was asking for his opinion. He was too angry after reading from that notebook, to angry to bother with giving me his opinion, but he was showing it now.

He knew I wanted to give in. And now she is here, learning from the very best.

"Um… you were aware of this, right?" Gendry checks, knowing very well that I refused Shireen before.

"No, not really," I admit, still not taking my eyes away from the two of them. Shireen's smile was not a surprise to me; her wish finally came true. For whatever reason, she wanted to learn how to swordfight. And here she is, holding a sword and learning about sword fighting from the bloody King in the North. What surprised me more was Robb's grin. He is having fun, it is clear as day. "Why does he have to be so bloody perfect?" I whine, not even thinking about what I just said out loud.

"Women," Gendry shakes his head. "Women."

He listened to me. He actually paid attention to what I was worried about and he made the decision I was not comfortable with making. He did it in my stead. And like all of that is not enough, he is showing interest in my sister, once again. She is not just my sister, or a warden of his house. She is his family. He is a King that is fighting a war and still, he devoted some of his time to her. Seeing him actually having fun with my baby sister made my mind run faster than it should have; I could not help but imagine that this is what it would look like when we have our own children.

He would make such a wonderful father. What I see now, looking at him and Shireen… we never had that with our father. Stannis never played with us, never read us stories, never tucked us in at night. Robb would do that. He would do that and more. He would teach his sons how to ride horses and use swords and he would read stories to his daughters. Seeing him like this made me want to give him a child more than before. Failure has a bitter taste, it truly does.

"You talk to him," I tell Gendry. "I'll leave them be."

I needed to be alone and I needed to be away from that sight. My heart was already struggling; if I waited long enough, it might just give up on me.

* * *

"Your men are almost ready to go," I say as I walk into our chambers. "We have a few hours more."

"As soon as they are done with supper, we will take our leave," he speaks from behind the changing screen. I could hear water splashing and I knew he was in his bathtub. Knowing that our time was limited and not being as shy as I once was, I start taking of my clothes. "Have you sent the wagon of food to the Wall already or will we be traveling with it?" he asks me.

"It's already on its way north." I tell him as I struggle to get out of my dress. "I wish we could have sent more, but we did the best we could."

"We will send more as soon as we have more," he reassures me. "Jon told me even more about it than you did. They are lacking everything possible. Food, men, coin. I cannot understand how King Robert could act in such a manner. Joffrey, I met. But Robert's attitude towards the Watch… he was King for a long time. And the Night's Watch has been struggling for more than a year."

"Robert never wanted to be a King and he never bothered keeping that a secret," I sigh, finally managing to take off my dress; now I only have to battle my other dress. It is so much easier when he takes them off for me. "Revenge was his motivation and as soon as he got what he wanted, he was left with a Kingdome to rule and a wife he did not want. He did not care. Not about Westeros, not about the Wall."

"Should I be worried?" he asks and I frown at his question. "After all, revenge was my motivation. I never wanted to be a King either."

"And you ended up with a wife you never really wanted, right?" I ask as I walk behind the changing screen. I am not going to lie; seeing his eyes go wide at the sight of me naked did make me feel a little bit better about myself. Especially when he grinned up at me.

"Rest assured, that part we should not be worried about," he says. What I love the most about this is the way he actually looks at me. He looks at everything, at all of me, up and down, but somehow, his eyes always return to my face. It is the eye contact that makes chills run down my spine. I smile as I walk over to the tub. "What are you doing?" he laughs as I start getting into the water.

"And here I thought it was obvious," I laugh as water splashes outside of the tub; it was not meant to hold two people. We both laugh as we struggle to find comfortable positions. As I was about to deem it impossible, we find one; I lean on him, my legs between his legs, my back next to his chest and my head close to his. He had a big smile on his face when I turned my head around to look at him. "Thank you for today, Robb. It means a lot to me." I say as he wraps his arms around me.

"What did I do?" he asks me, raising his eyebrows in confusion.

"I saw you with Shireen," I watch as he face relaxes when he realizes what I am talking about. "I don't know if I ever told you this… you know she has greyscale on her face. And yet, she's alive. She got it when she was still a baby. A toy was infected and she never let go of that damned toy. She even slept with it. Stannis bought it for her, which was not something he normally did. And the damned toy was infected. He burned it, but it was already too late. When everyone told him she was going to die, Stannis did all he could to stop that. He sent for maesters from all over the world, maesters, priests, everyone. She was cured, but she carries that mark. That was the only time in my entire life that I saw Stannis being… worried and frightened, at least for his children. He saved her life and I will always remember that. He taught us both well and I am lucky to call him my father, but he was absent in other ways. You have met Selyse, you know what she is like. We never had affection while we were growing up. I have thick skin. I know I needed it too, but I learned to live without it. I was aware of it just enough to not allow Shireen to go through the same. He never played with us, not once. Seeing you today with her… you acted like a father she needed for all those years. I had no choice; I had to take over the motherly role from Selyse. She never knew how… and I did my best. But you acted like a father would today, Robb. I will never forget that."

"She is my wife's sister," Robb shakes his head as he smiles down to me. "She is my family too. She is quite the child too. She has manners that remind me of Sansa and at the same time, she carries that desire for a bit of rebellion like Arya does. When I look at Shireen, I can see exactly what you were like when you were a child. You are not alone in raising her either. I wish I could stay and help you."

"No," I shake my head. "You must do what you must do. Playing with her today was enough."

"We were not playing, we were training." He corrects me, all serious; I burst out in laughter.

"My apologies, Your Grace," I laugh at him. "I apologize for disrespecting your sword fighting abilities."

"Ah, so now you laugh at me?" he asks, his eyes wide but with a smile on his face. "You like to laugh? You're a funny girl, aren't you?" he asks and before I could respond, he starts tickling me.

"No, Robb, stop!" I yell through laughter; I am so ticklish, I start laughing even before he starts tickling me. But Robb is relentless and before I know it, I am crying from laughter as he attacks me, smiling.

If anyone heard my screams, they might just think he was torturing me.

"That was not nice," I try to catch my breath once he finally stopped his attack. There was more water on the floor now than there was in the tub. "With the little time we have before you leave, one would think you would find a better use of it than to tickle me."

"Oh, do you have any suggestions?" he asks, his eyebrows raised.

"Well, I can think of one or two ways to pass time," I shrug. "In all honesty, anything but the tickling."

"No, no, no," he laughs. "I am more interested in the other ways to pass time. Do speak, wife."

"Do you want me to say it or do you want me to demonstrate it?" I ask. Where is this confidence coming from? I am not a confident woman. Yes, it helps to know that he actually wants me. Well, he wants me quite a lot. And I like that. I want him as well, if not even more than he wants me. But I kept passion separate before. I could not talk like this. It sounds as if I am trying to seduce him. And in a way, I am trying to seduce him. I think. Well, as much as I can seduce a man I am already married to.

It must sound better in my head than when I actually say it. I am as seductive as a rock. Me being naked might help a little bit, but all in all, I cannot fathom his desire for me. And it is there. It is there.

"Get over here!" he laughs as he pulls me closer to him; I laugh as even more water leaves the tub, but my laughter is muffled down when he kisses me. He does not hold back. Days of him holding back are long gone, it would seem.

Well, I might be as seductive as a rock, but it would appear that that is enough for him.

And he sure as hell is enough for me.

* * *

I hate sudden realizations. I despise them.

You go about with your life, keeping everything under control. My days were busy and by the time I get to bed, I am so tired, I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. And if by some miracle I am not tired, I spend the whole night tossing and turning, thinking about things I did not have under my control.

All in all, my days were busy. I had Winterfell to take care of. I had a little sister to raise, I had a family to adapt to, with Sansa and Catelyn being the ones I had to learn how to work with. I had a friend in Gendry, a friend who would bring much needed comic relief. And I had the letters I wrote to my husband, the only form of communication I had with him. Whenever I wrote him, I would feel better. It was not as good as it would be to have him by my side at all times, but it was good enough.

Given that I am living in a time of war, a war my father and husband are a part of, I thought I was fairly good at keeping myself sane through it all. The only truly negative part of my life was that I was doing this without my husband while he was away. That is the only thing I would change, if I had a chance to change it. I would keep him safe and sound, here at Winterfell, with me.

Even with him away, even without the possibility to change that, our marriage was much stronger than I expected it to be. I thought he would still be a stranger and he is not. He is a kind, funny, honest man, who is willing to train my little sister how to hold a sword properly. A man who told me that it would not change a thing if I cannot give him a child, a man who tried to comfort me when I thought I might have lost one. A man who says he would give it all up for me. A man who claims he is in love with me.

And what I found out now, he is also a man who put my heart into a struggle, the biggest struggle my heart ever had to face.

Whenever we had to part ways, it did not feel right. Not even the first time, when I did not know him well. Even then, it felt wrong and it did not bring me joy. When I was the one who left, it actually hurt. It hurt to turn my back to him and walk away, going back to my duties and leaving him to do his. And now, when we have to part again? I know it might be only for a little while, but it bloody hurts.

Today changed everything for me. And I did not realize it, not until the day was over and I waited for him to leave me yet again.

Seeing him with Shireen evoked feelings I did not even know I had. Imagining him as a father made my desire to be a mother only grow stronger and that scared me.

It is as far away from duty as it can be. Now I only want it. I could not care less for duty, for giving birth to an heir, a King's child and another King's grandchild. I simply did not care about it. I just wanted to have Robb's child. His child, with his hair and his eyes, running around the courtyard and causing me to want to rip all of my hair out. Our child, our family. If there was any doubt before, it was long gone now.

I needed time for his words to settle within me. Our fight, our banter in the tub… all of it. I needed time to let it settle and once I got time, it left me in a mess. And I did not realize it, not until now, while we were walking through the castle hallways, holding hands.

"Hopefully it will go without a battle."

"Yes," I agree, mumbling, only have listening to what he was saying. "Hopefully."

"Is everything alright?" he asks, looking down at me in confusion.

"Yes, yes," I reassure him, doing my best to return to the present and leave my mind. "I'm just a little bit sad, that's all." I tell him. At least I was not lying.

"Sophia," he sighs as he stops walking; I stop along with him and I smile when I realize he is going to kiss me. When he pulls away, he is smiling as well. "It will all be over soon. I will return to Winterfell before I go south again. And even when I do, I will be back soon. We have waited long enough."

"I know," I force myself to smile. "But that doesn't make me miss you any less."

"I will miss you as well," he tells me. "But at least I have something to look forward to when I return."

"Aye," I agree. "Let's go, you shouldn't keep your men waiting." I tell him.

As we continue our walk, I go right back into my mind. At first, I thought it was not logical. That it had more to do with my heart than with my brain. Now I am unsure of what to think, but it feels like a combination of both. My mind and my heart finally seem to agree on something.

He said I would know it when I feel it. I'm not sure if I know it. I'm not sure if I feel it.

And I do not have time to find out. Before I knew it, he was already saying goodbye to his mother. As he was doing so, I walk over to Ser Davos, who smiles down at me from his horse.

"Take care of yourself, Ser Davos," I smile at him. "And him." I add.

"I will, Sophia," he smiles. "I will him bring him back to you in one piece." He promises.

"Oh, you'd better," I sigh, making the man laugh. I turn around to see Robb making his way to me; I meet him halfway, far enough to actually keep our conversation private. In a way, we have already said goodbye to one another. I told him all I had to tell. This conversation is only a reminder. "Keep yourself safe, I beg of you. Don't do anything stupid."

"Did I ever?" he laugh.

"I was there to stop you in time."

"Worry not," he laughs. "Even with you here in Winterfell, I will still hear your angry voice in my head, stopping me from making a stupid decision," I smile as he puts his arms around my waist; I throw my arms around his neck, once again, not caring about who could see our display of affection. "Take care of my family and my home. And yourself. I'm still going to need a wife when I return."

"You'll have her," I smile, before raising myself on my toes to kiss him. I know that our kiss lasted longer than it should have. Generally speaking, kissing someone in public was frowned upon, but I think our people have already gotten used to it; we did it every time we parted ways and nearly every time we saw each other again after a long time. I am the one who pulls away, a sad smile on my face as I push his curls away from his face. "Be smart. Be brave."

"Be safe." He tells me. He kisses me again, only for a moment. As he walks backwards, away from me, he smiles. I try to smile back, but I am unsure as to whether or not I was successful.

He can reassure me as much as he'd like, but the truth of the matter is, we cannot know for certain whether or not he will be returning from this. If the Ironborn prefer glory over family, he might go to battle, yet again. And if he goes to battle, he might not return from it.

Chances of it are slim, but I might not ever see him again.

I cannot have him going without knowing, without knowing something I barely knew myself.

"Robb," I call for him just as he turned his horse around. I take a few steps closer to him. I keep my voice low; making sure no one can hear us. He looks down at me, a mixture of curiosity and confusion on his face as I walk over to him. "I love you." I say. Too afraid to see his reaction, I turn around and I leave.

I was afraid of his reaction as much as I was afraid of watching him leave.

I had to say it. I had to say it, because it was true. I love him.

* * *

 **Started from the bottom, now we're here! 39 chapters! 39 freaking chapters! Took 'em long enough!**


	40. Chapter 40

**Here's another one for you guys.**

 **There'll be a pretty massive plot twist in the next chapter, so heads up! Well, two plot twists. Double heads up.**

 **I'll leave you to it. Expect a new chapter in a couple of days! Let me know what you think about this one? Pretty please, with cherries on top? :)  
**

* * *

"Good morning!" I laugh as I walk into the hall, where Catelyn, Sansa and Shireen were already having breakfast. I take my seat next to Catelyn, kissing Shireen on the head as I pass her by.

"Good morning Sophia," Catelyn smiles at me. "You will be glad to hear that we have no taxes to deal with it this morning."

"Oh, music to my ears," I sigh, as the three ladies surrounding me laugh. "Is it possible that I will finally have a day with no obligations at all?" I ask, knowing very well that it was not possible. It will all be easier once we have help. Now, with just us two… having a day free of obligations is not an option.

"Not today," Catelyn confirms. I smile at her, not bothering to pretend to be surprise by it. As I help myself with burnt bacon and eggs, I realize that I should thank my lucky stars; whatever it is that is waiting for me, it will undoubtedly be better than taxes. "I was meaning to ask you. The servants have found some old weaponry in the basement. I am no warrior and neither of you, but I know steel when I see it. Perhaps your friend could help us? Reforge the steel if he deems it usable?" she asks.

"Gendry?" I ask, as if I had another friend that knows how to reforge steel. "Yes, I am sure he would be happy to help," I tell her. Gendry would not have much of a choice, given that he is serving me. As much as he is my friend, he is also one of my men. As much as he is one of my men, he is also my friend. I will not order him around, not if I can ask nicely. "Perhaps we can join him later on, go to the basement and see what it is that we are dealing with?"

"Very well," Catelyn agrees. "Once we are done with that, we must go over our larders. With us being at war with half of the South, we are limited to the food we ourselves produce."

"And winter is coming."

"It is indeed," Catelyn smiles at me. "This is the first time I've heard you say our words." she explains.

"Oh. I think it might be the first time I actually said them." I admit.

I remember when I was very young, Maester Cressen would sit with me on the balcony of my chambers, teaching me words and banners of each noble house of Westeros. I did not want to do it then and I still find it to be quite useless now, but every child of a noble house must learn them. Most of them sound ridiculous, my own included. "Ours is the fury". I would roll my eyes on those words, although I knew that our former leader, Robert, did indeed bring the fury. Somehow, there was a connection between the words and the houses, in most cases, no matter how comical the words were. It was always the words of house Stark that confused me.

Winter is coming. Yes, the North is colder than other parts of Westeros. In that way, it made sense. But I did not understand the true meaning until I became a Stark myself. Not even then, at the very beginning, did I understand them. It took me a while but I do understand them now.

Starks can be quiet and follow others, but once you wrong them, you will know their anger. You will know _their_ fury and winter will come for their foes.

When winter comes, all that is not breed for winter will die. As someone who was born and raised a Southerner, I am unsure on how I will fair when winter finally comes, but I am fighting for the winter now. I understand the words because they are my words now. This is my family, my home.

"Are you certain you do not have a family connection to the North?"

"Oh, I am. Only distant ones," I tell her. "It has nothing to do with how I was raised. I am here now. I am a part of House Stark. This is my place, whether summer or winter."

"Words spoken from a Stark indeed." Sansa smiles at me. Once again, I feel relief in knowing that the girl is accustomed to my presence. And I am reminded that I need to make a greater effort to get to know her. If Robb can teach my sister how to sword fight, I should at least offer her a part of my time."

"Don't let your brother hear you; I will never hear the end of it."

"Your Grace," Maester Luwin interrupts our laughter. "A raven was sent from the South."

"Where in the South?"

"From King Stannis, Your Grace," he tells me. "It is addressed to you." he tells me as he offers me a small, rolled up piece of parchment. Knowing it might be of great urgency, I do not excuse myself to read it in private. Instead, I open it at the table, ready to share the information with Catelyn.

I recognize a stranger's handwriting at once. It was not written by my father and as I read, I realize that he had simply sent me the same piece of parchment that was sent to him. With each word I read, I feel my blood pumping faster.

"Gods be good," I mumble, surprising myself with my lack of ability to speak. "Maester Luwin, send this to King Robb at once." I say, giving him back the scribble. He walks away with a nod of his head and I, despite knowing that it is far too early in the day for it, grab a tankard of ale that was sitting on the table before me. I fill my cup and I down it at one go, as unused as I still was to northern ale.

"Sophia, what is it?" Catelyn asks.

"King Joffrey wed Margaery Tyrell," I tell her, pausing just enough to fill and down another cup. I do not think my body could handle a third one, unfortunately. "He died of poisoning at his wedding feast."

"What?" Catelyn and Sansa gasp at the very same time.

"Cousin Joffrey is dead?" Shireen asks in surprise, reminding me that I have to explain to her, yet again, that Joffrey is not our cousin, even if he was raised as such.

"That's not all," I tell them, looking directly at Catelyn. "Prince Tommen is now to be the King. And they have accused Tyrion Lannister of the murder of King Joffrey."

"Tyrion would never do such a thing!" Sansa protests.

"He is a Lannister," Catelyn tells her. "He is every bit as evil as the rest of them are."

"I don't know if we are speaking of the same man, Catelyn," I tell her. "The Tyrion Lannister I knew would never kill a child. Not even one like Joffrey."

"Sophia is right," Sansa speaks up. "He might be a Lannister, but I know him. While the rest of them locked me up, ridiculed me and hurt me, Tyrion was the only one who ever showed any kindness. Not a hair was missing from my head from the day they married us. He might not be as honorable or righteous as Father was, but he is not a bad man. He would never harm Joffrey, despite having reasons to."

"Sansa, he sent someone to kill your brother!" Catelyn raises her voice.

"Shireen, go to your chambers," I tell my sister and to my surprise, she does not think twice about it. As soon as I said the words, she was gone. Even a child could see this was not a place for her to be in. "Catelyn, we know it was a dagger that once belonged to him. I am not saying that you are mistaken, but in the world that we live in, is it really that difficult to imagine that someone would purposely get their hands on that dagger and make you believe that it was Tyrion's fault?"

"Who was it then?" she asks.

"Take your pick," I sigh. There is no nicer way for me to say it. "I know Tyrion Lannister, just as I know Cersei and Jaime. Even lord Tywin. Each one of them is more likely to do such a thing than Tyrion. Sansa said it well. He may be many things, Catelyn, but he is not a child murderer, I can guarantee you that."

"What about Joffrey?" Sansa speaks. "Who would kill him?"

"It is the same case, Sansa. Take your pick," I shrug. That boy had more enemies than he could ever realize. Not even those who were fighting on the same side with him were his friends. "If it was Robb or my father, we would know about that. But we are not the only ones. We might be the only who are fighting a war with them, but we are certainly not the only ones seeking revenge." I tell her.

"The dragon girl?" Catelyn suggests.

"Might be," I agree. For so long, everyone has been ignoring the possible threat of one last Targaryen across the Narrow Sea. I know for a fact that both father and Robb were being informed on her possible moves, just as I know that neither one of them seemed to be too worried about them. Perhaps the girl has grown tired of waiting and made her first move? "It could also be the Martells. North isn't the only one that remembers. Their princess died at the hands of Lannister soldiers. They do remember. "

"I am surprised Cersei didn't accuse us, but her brother instead." Catelyn comments.

"She despises Tyrion," Sansa tells us. "Even more than the whispers say. She would want him dead."

"And it was a perfect opportunity," I agree. "Joffrey might have been the King, but we all know he would have lost his crown long ago, had it not been for his Grandfather. To them, it is all the same. Joffrey, Tommen, Myrcella… as long as there is a Lannister, disguised as a Baratheon, on the throne."

"And what could this mean to us?" Catelyn asks.

"Not as much as I thought at first, I'm afraid," I admit. "In fact, it might even be better for them. Joffrey was the eldest, I knew him the best. From what I gathered on the few occasions I spent time with him, Tommen was a much kinder child than Joffrey ever was. I cannot say if he has changed or not."

"He hasn't," Sansa interrupts me. "He is still a nice child."

I did not even realize until now that we have on our side someone who knows the Lannisters well. I was the one who provided information at first, based on what I've learned and noticed all those times I have stayed at the Red Keep. Sansa knew more. Perhaps not more, but what she knew was brand new information. She was there recently and I wasn't. Her knowledge could be a valuable asset.

"That's what I was afraid of," I sigh, shaking my head. "Having Joffrey as a King was good for us. People would never like him. A hated King is easier to overthrow. Tommen might not be the rightful King, but he will probably be well loved, at least compared to Joffrey. We fight these battles amongst ourselves and not once do we stop and think about the people would like. People, regular people, who work and feed families. Regular folk are more powerful than we know." I tell them. I worried about that, when Father was fighting his battles. Stannis is not a man loved by many. That is the very reason so many of _our_ lords followed Renly and not Father. Once he allied with Robb, I did not worry about that. Robb is kind and well-loved amongst his people. He could easily win over the hearts of the rest of Westeros.

But then we had a tyrant in the making sitting on the Iron Chair. Now, we have a child.

"It should be a relief, but it is not," Catelyn complains. I remember the first time I saw her, how I thought she must have been a great beauty back in her day and how you could still see traces of that beauty, despite her age. She is still a very beautiful woman, but one look at her is enough to tell you that she has been through a lot. Too much, I think. I can notice it now, that frown of hers being even deeper than before. "It does not matter who sits on the Iron Throne. It's not Robb and it's not Stannis. Meaning that we still have a war to fight and a war to win."

"It could be our advantage," I disagree with her. "As of now, I can't see how, but I'm sure father and Robb will think of something. People might care for Tommen, but that does not mean he is capable. We already know that Robb and father can both challenge Jaime, even Tywin. If they were to weaken their forces and _then_ strike King's Landing… Victory might be at the tip of their fingers."

"Well, Robb will receive the news," Catelyn nods her head, taking a deep breath. "He will decide what to do. It is their job, not ours."

"What will happen to Tyrion?" Sansa asks.

I could see genuine worry on her face. She ran from King's Landing to save her own life, but she still worries. At least for one of them.

"Knowing Cersei, I doubt he will live to see another day." I tell her.

"Knowing Tyrion, he will try to claw his way out." Catelyn adds.

I suppose we will find out. Robb is not that far from us; he will probably receive the news by nightfall. He will have time to consider every possibility by the time he returns to Winterfell. If he returns to Wintefell. Whether or not the Ironborn are ready to negotiate is anyone's guess.

* * *

I remember when I first arrived to Winterfell. The castle itself did not surprise me. It was not grand but I never imagined it to be grand. It was not coated in decorations, but neither was my home. The only décor Dragonstone had were the dragons and those were not put there by Stannis Baratheon.

If there was one thing that surprised me about Winterfell, it was the warmth. This far up North, with winter on our doorsteps, I expected to freeze to death daily. That did not happen. Walls of the castle were connected with the hot springs surrounding the castle; it was warm. Even without a fire, it was quite comfortable. The only time I would feel cold at all was when I would step outside, into the courtyard. Even then, it was nothing I couldn't handle. Until now. Now, I was cold.

"Sophia, why are we down here?" Gendry asks. I wish there will come a time when he won't ask questions.

"I told you. Lady Catelyn and the servants found some old weaponry. You happen to be a friend of mine and perhaps the best blacksmith we've got. All the others are in the South."

"Are you implying that those blacksmiths are better than I am?" he asks. I wish there will come a time when he won't pick up on the tiniest of details to start a debate with me. "I was taught by the best blacksmith in King's Landing, one of the best in the world. One of the few who know Valyrian steel."

"Well, good for you," I sigh. When I said I consider him an older brother, he sure decided to follow up on that; he is as annoying as I imagine a brother would be. "Now I need your help with this."

"You do know that I serve you, right?" he asks. "It's not like I have a choice." He comments. I stop, turn around, waving the torch in my hands just a little bit too close to his face.

"Do not push me, Gendry. You have a choice. I am not making you do anything. But if you do not want to help me, tell me now, before we go further down."

"Of course I'm going to help you," he rolls his eyes. "Keep that torch away from me." he warns.

"Shut up." I bite back. I continue my walk, following the directions Catelyn gave me. They were quite simple really. Just walk. It would have been quite an enjoyable walk, if there had been any light. It was as dark as it would be in a crypt; the only light we had was the one from the torch in my hands.

I do feel uneasy. Going down those stairs and walking down these dark halls… it was difficult to fight the feeling that I will never have a chance to walk up. I dare not look left or right; I keep my eyes on the little path in front of me, ignoring the objects on both its sides.

"If you see anything that looks like a weapon, do tell me," I tell Gendry, knowing he's more likely to recognize an old, possibly forgotten type of weapon. "And let's hurry. I don't want to stay here any longer than it is necessary." I add.

"You and me both."

Despite the words I told him, I slow down and he slows down with me. If we do not pay attention, we may just pass it. So, I slow down and move the torch in different directions, waiting to see a familiar sight of steel reflecting light. For a while, it is useless. It takes longer than I'd like. I am about to give up and run back to the surface when I notice something shining in the distance. I lift up my torch yet again and I see what it was that I was looking for; it's a sword.

Gendry and I do not speak, but we both rush to our loot. I stand behind, letting Gendry see what he has to deal with; I simply give him vision, holding up the torch close to the steel he inspects. I am bored beyond words by the time he finally grabs another piece of steel to inspect.

"Fucking Seven Hells!" Gendry gasps.

"What? What is it?" I ask, looking around, searching for a foe that meant to harm us; I saw nothing.

"Look at this," Gendry tells me, chuckling as he spoke. "Come closer," he urges me and I do as he said; I look at the sword so closely, my nose could touch the blade. "Do you see it? The ripples?" he asks. I frown, trying my best to distinguish patterns on the blade; it takes me a moment, but I do see it.

"What is that? Some sort of blacksmith signature?" I ask.

"No, Sophia," Gendry laughs, beaming at the sword he held in his hand. "This is Valyrian steel."

"You must be joking."

"I'm not," he shakes his head. I watch as he brings his finger close to the blade and I see it with my own two eyes; he barely touched the blade and blood appeared on his finger. I watch in shock, but Gendry just laughs. "Oh yeah, this is Valyrian steel."

"What in the name of Gods would a Valyrian steel sword sit in the basement of Winterfell?"

"How should I know?" he asks, finally taking his eyes away from the blade. "I don't know how or why, but I promise you, this is Valyrian steel. Good one, at that. Definitely usable."

"Do you think you could reforge it?" I ask.

"There's no need to," he responds in laughter. "It's still usable. Valyrian steel doesn't need honing. I can only… clean it up. Clean it up a little bit, change the handle. The handle is pretty regular."

"Do you think you could, perhaps, make an ornament for the handle?"

"Yes, I'm pretty sure I could," he confirms, before narrowing his eyes in suspicion. "Sophia, what?"

"Oh please, it has been sitting her for Gods know how long," I tell him. "If Catelyn did not have a sudden urge to clear the basement up a little bit, we never would have found it. It's Valyrian steel. I'm no blacksmith, nor am I as excited about it as you are, but I have enough knowledge to know how rare they are. Of course, I will try to find out why it was there to begin with, but… it reappeared in the times of war. A King is leading the North and he does not have Valyrian steel in his hand. Why not hand it to him? Why not use the time to make the sword usable and hand it to Robb, as a token of faith?"

"Token of whose faith, yours or mine?" Gendry rolls his eyes and I burst out laughing.

"Gendry, I can assure you, this is more than just giving my husband a present." I tell him.

"I doubt that," he tells me, looking back to the sword. "If I ever take a wife, I want you to tell her how she should treat her husband. If you give him Valyrian steel swords… That hurt!" he complains when I smack him on the back of the head.

"Gendry, it's not mine," I point out. "I found it in the basement of his castle, on his land. It's his. I simply want to pass it on. With little improvements, if possible." I add.

"I can do it," he confirms it. "And I will. If I hurry up, I could be done with it by the time he returns to Winterfell. But I really think you should research this, Sophia. Valyrian steel is very, _very_ rare. There are very few known blades in Westeros. It's not exactly common to find it under a castle."

"I know," I reassure him. "I'll speak to Lady Catelyn and Maester Luwin, perhaps there are stories I am not familiar with. Let's just… go over all the weapons before we leave. For all we know, there might be another Valyrian sword hidden in here."

* * *

It was a strange council, to say the least.

A Queen, a King's mother, a Maester and a blacksmith, all staring at a large sword.

I did not question Gendry's abilities, but Catelyn did and I cannot blame her. She actually started laughing when Gendry and I informed her of what we found. Once taking a look at the sword, she did comment how it has similarities to the sword of her late husband. As soon as Maester Luwin inspected it and confirmed Gendry's earlier conclusion, Catelyn did not have any doubt in her mind.

"Why did we have a Valyrian steel sword in the basement?" Catelyn asks. At first, I thought she was simply thinking out loud, asking no one in particular, but now I can see her looking at Maester Luwin. "How could this be? Did you know anything of it, Maester Luwin?"

"No, my lady," he shakes his head. "I did not."

"Ned either did not know of it either, or he did not share it with me," she sighs, looking down at the sword. "I imagine he simply did not know either. How is it possible? One sword and one sword alone belongs to house Stark, and that sword is still in King's Landing."

"My lady, we cannot say for how long it has been down there," Maester Luwin tells her. "It could be for hundreds of years. It is not a sword I recognize, I can assure you."

"Yes, but Maester, one does not simply leave a Valyrian sword behind," I speak up. The three of them all turn their heads to me. "Whether it's a sword of our House or of someone else, no one would have left it in the basement, not knowingly. Is there a way that we can find out the truth behind this?"

"I doubt it, Your Grace," Maester shakes his head at me. "Whoever left it there either did not want for it to be found, or made sure that no one knows of it's history if it was found."

"So, you are saying that we will never know the truth about it?" I ask.

"Yes, probably."

Four set of eyes were on the sword again. It was all… a little bit too good to be true. It sounded like one of those stories I would tell to Shireen before she goes to sleep. A great, powerful sword was found in the dungeons of a great castle, without anyone knowing where it comes from. And now, that great sword will find itself in the hands of a King, a first King in the North in hundreds of years.

"Your Grace, if you want me to finish by the time the King returns, I should get going." Gendry tells me.

"Finish?" Catelyn asks, looking at us in confusion.

"It's going to Robb," I tell her with a shrug. "I found no better solution. If you have one, I'm all ears."

"No, it should go to him," Catelyn nods, looking at it again. "If we have it, we might as well use it."

"Gendry, get to work then," I tell him and we all watch as he carries the sword out of the room. For a while, we stay silent.

"I will go over some scrolls and books Your Grace, my Lady," Maester Luwin tells us. "Perhaps I will find something there that might explain this to us. If I may be excused."

We both nod and he leaves.

"I do not understand," Catelyn tells me, looking down at the desk before her. "How could it have been down there? Valyrian steel is very rare and worth more than gold. Who would leave it behind?"

"I cannot say," I admit. "I never was much of a believer, Catelyn. But I was raised in the South. So were you, you know this difference I am speaking of. You know that the Old Gods… it isn't so hard to believe in them this far North, is it?"

If I feel it, I know she can feel it too. The same change I went through, she went through it as well. There is a difference, a nearly palpable difference.

"Do you think it is a sign?" she asks uncertainly. "Do you truly believe that?"

"I don't know what to believe, Cat," I let out a soft laughter. "But who's to say that it is not?"

"Let us hope Robb knows how to use it."

* * *

What bothered me the most was that there was still no word from Robb. I know that the road wasn't going to be long and that he should return in a number of days, but I hated not knowing. Especially now, with Joffrey's death being a big, new burden on its own.

Joffrey was raised as my nephew. We did not live in the same castle, we did not grow up in the same place, but I knew him well enough. Despite him not having the same blood in his veins as I do, we were raised as family. If he was a little less sinister, I would have grieved for him. I do not feel the need to do so now, but I do worry for the other boy, Tommen. He was but a child when I last laid eyes on him, but his eyes were kind. He was never as evil as Joffrey was. And now he sits on a throne, a child still, while my husband and a man he considered his uncle are taking him to war.

Living in Westeros, living in this kind of a society… it is keeping children from being children. They should run around castles, hiding from their Septas, inventing new games and pass time without worrying for their kin. Even I grew up too fast, and I was not a child when this war begun.

It is not fair. Excuses are excuses, but it is not fair.

Especially not when I had to explain to Shireen that someone tried to kill Robb's younger brother.

"But why would anyone want to harm a child?" she asks.

"Shireen, how am I to know?" I sigh, reminding myself not to take it all out on her. She is just a curious child. "I would never do that, it is difficult for me to imagine how someone would. You don't need me to tell you that we live in a time of war. When at wore, people often have tendencies to… be unfair. Many play dirty, if only out of fear. They played dirty with the Starks."

"Father and King Robb aren't playing dirty, are they?" she asks.

"No, not that I know of," I reassure her. She is far too young to know just how dirty our Father played. I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell her what our father did. She did not know Renly, not as well as I did, but a kinslayer is a kinslayer. That will never change. "Just because the two of them are not playing dirty does not mean that others are following their lead. People do bad things for power, pup."

"But how could someone attack a boy?" she asks me. "Bran is younger than I am, isn't he? How could someone do that to a boy? And Joffrey, too? He is also just a child."

"Shireen… I don't know," I shrug my shoulders, giving up completely. I can't explain it to her, no matter how hard I try. "People do bad things. What matters is that you are protected."

"But will that be for good?"

"Yes," I say at once. "As long as I'm alive, you are safe. Don't ever question that."

When people speak of risking lives for someone, I wonder how much they actually take into consideration. This girl is my flesh and blood. I love her as if I was the one that gave birth to her. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her. If I have to stand in front of a sword to keep her safe and protected, I would do it in a heartbeat. Shireen is simply the purest creature I have ever met. She is my family. I would kill for her with my own bare hands.

"And as long as Father and Robb are alive, you are alive as well?" she asks.

"Yeah, pretty much," I chuckle. "Alright now. We've talked for far too long. You need to go to bed now."

"Do I?" she whines.

"Yes," I tell her, my voice strict. "Sweet dreams, pup." I say as I kiss her on the forehead. Before leaving, I tuck her in and blow out all the candles.

The moment I am alone in my chambers, I realize that the only time I truly feel at peace is when Robb is beside me. When he's away, I am quiet and I frown and worry about every possible outcome that could be the end of us. Only when he is near do I get a chance to forget about the bad, if only for a little while.

I shouldn't have told him that I love him. Not then, not like that. I should have waited for one of those rare moments of peace. As afraid as I was of his reaction, I needed to see that reaction. Now, he's there and I'm here, wondering if he's wondering. Not to mention that if I go into specifics, I was the one who confessed to more. There is a difference between being in love with someone and truly loving someone. At least I think there is.

Whether it's more or less in comparison to what he feels, it is there. I love him. I am so hopelessly in love with him. Every good aspect of my life is so intertwined with him. He made me go from a quiet, cold girl to a woman who wants to be a wife, be a mother. I don't think I'm being unrealistic when I think that he is the only one that could cause such a change in me.

People either work well together or they don't. There is no middle ground.

By some miracle, he and I work well together. Even when we are apart. I can only hope that we don't work well together _only_ when we are apart. It's one thing to love him and another to live with him.

I suppose I will have a chance to find out, if he comes back in one piece. And I hope he does.


	41. Chapter 41

**Hello guys! Here's a new one.**

 **A LOT will happen.  
So, let me know what you think! :)**

 **I need to knooooow! :)**

* * *

"Sophia, do you have a moment?" Sansa asks, peaking into my chambers.

"Of course I do," I smile at her. "Especially when you'll be rescuing me from a sea of receipts for this month. So please, come in. How can I help you?" I ask, offering her a kind smile.

"Oh, it's nothing important," she smiles. "I just wanted to give you something. You are a Stark now. Well, you have been a Stark for a while so… I just thought you might want something as a symbol of your belonging to our house." She tells me and opens her hand. I could see a silver chain in it. "Go on." she insists and I offer my hand to her. The chain falls into my hand and as I look at it, I realize that it has a small, direwolf pendant hanging on the end.

"Sansa, I…" I start, at a loss for words. "Thank you, so much, but I couldn't possibly take this."

"Yes you could," she tells me, looking as if she was prepared for my reaction. "Father gave that to me. He gave me another one, exactly the same, for my name day. See, I thought I lost that one," she tells me, pointing at the necklace in my hand. "He knew how much it broke my heart, so he got another one for me, exactly the same. Only for me to find that one a few days later. The one I will keep carries more meaning. I want you to have it, Sophia. You are family now. It should show." She tells me. The moment she said it was a gift to her from Lord Eddard, I was not going to take it. Sansa must have felt it too, as she did not back down. It would appear that stubbornness truly runs in the family.

"Thank you, Sansa," I tell her, as I get up and walk around the table to stand before her. "It truly means a lot to me. Thank you." I say and I lower myself just a little bit to give her a hug.

"Well, we are sisters now," she tells me through laughter. "Besides, you need a direwolf to keep you safe now that Robb has taken Grey Wind away with him. Go on, turn around." She orders me and I do as she says, waiting, until the little silver pendant fell to my chest.

"Now I need to figure out what I'm going to give you in return," I smile as I turn around. "Do you like-" I start, but my voice is cut off with the well-known sound we have all been dreading, as much as we've been hoping for it; it was the horn that signified that someone is approaching Winterfell.

"Robb?" Sansa asks me, wide eyed.

"Perhaps," I tell her, knowing all too well that it could be anyone, even the enemy. Given how long he was away and how we were expecting him to return any moment now, it _should_ be him. But I will not believe it until I see it with my own two eyes. "Let's go and see."

We started at a normal pace. By the end of the first hallway, we were running. We were running, all the way to the courtyard. Catelyn was already waiting.

"They say it's our men," she tells us as we stand next to her. "It should be him."

I watch as the gate opens. The moment I see Davos riding in, I breathe out a sigh of relief. It's them.

This time around, Robb doesn't wait to ride in last; he's among the first.

I am grinning like the fool that I am. I am grinning and I'm not even ashamed of it.

Catelyn gasps next to me and I jump up in surprise. She starts running and as soon as she does, Sansa starts crying next to me. I watch, wide eyed, as they run towards Robb.

Only to pass him. They didn't even look at him. Both of them ran to a cart. A cart that just rolled in, a cart with a boy on them, smiling and crying at the same time.

"I'm here as well, you know," I hear Robb's voice and I turn around; he's standing behind me, already off his horse. "With the way we said goodbye last time, I expected a more passionate greeting."

"Is that Bran?" I ask him, completely ignoring his jests.

"Yes," he confirms, looking at his mother and siblings, who were still bawling their eyes out. I can't say that I blame them. For so long, everyone was so sure that Bran was dead. I even think that Catelyn had to come to terms with it, to accept it as true. And now he's here. "It's a very long story."

"I can imagine," I mumble. "But I'm afraid I'm going to have to hear it."

"And you will," he reassures me. "Can I at least get a hug before we start talking war and long lost family members?" he asks. For a moment, I'm confused. I wonder how in the name of Gods is he so calm. I realize it is because he is already used to the idea of having his brother with him; it is not such a shock. Whatever it is that he did with the Ironborn, he is back in one piece, so it must have worked. He must feel more carefree now than he did in weeks. And he is just… happy to be back.

I hug him. And then I kiss him. I didn't forget that I have missed him too.

* * *

As it turns out, he wanted more than a hug and a kiss. Luckily for us, both Sansa and Catelyn were too occupied with the return of Bran Stark. We at least got a little bit of time to enjoy alone.

"So you simply… stumbled upon him?" I ask.

"Well, it is a bit more complicated than that," he tells me as he traces his fingers down my naked back, something he apparently enjoys doing. "When him and Rickon first escaped Winterfell, he went North with Meera and Jojen Reed, Hodor and a wildling woman we had taken prisoner. They had to part ways. The Reeds, Hodor and Bran ended up at the Umbers. Greatjon and his son were with me and they were the only ones who knew Bran and Hodor. Others did not believe them and decided to keep them there until Greatjon or Smalljon Umber return from war." he tells me.

"Was he a prisoner of your own people?" I ask.

"No, he assures me that he was treated well," Robb shakes his head. "Besides, they did not know. They could have just killed them all. They didn't. They kept them alive and in good condition, which is enough for me as long as it's enough for Bran. And it is."

"Do you know more now, about where Rickon might be?" I ask. There's still two other Stark children to worry about. No signs of Arya were found in the Riverlands, but now we might be closer to Rickon.

"Skagos."

"Skagos?" I ask in shock. "What in the name of Gods would he be doing on Skagos?"

"They ran away," Robb shrugs his shoulders. "They went in search for protection."

"Couldn't they have found a closer place?" I ask, already imagining the boy to be eaten by the Skagosi. I may have been raised a Southerner, but I know enough about Skagos to be absolutely positive that I will never step foot there, not unless I absolutely have to. "Will you be sending someone for him?" I ask.

"Of course."

"Well, tell them to bring me a unicorn, while they're at it," I mumble, earning laughter from my husband. "What happened with the Greyjoy's? You're alive and well, but was there a battle?"

"No," he shakes his head at me. "You were right. You were smart. I don't know how Balon Greyjoy feels about it, but Yara wanted her brother safe. They are sailing to Dragonstone as we speak, to join your father. And if they decide to change sides, I'll send them Theon back, only in pieces."

"So, you have their support," I sigh and he nods. "Good. The more, the better. You know about Joffrey?"

"I do," he confirms. "I received the raven. Sadly, that doesn't change much for us. Tommen is no more legitimate than Joffrey was. We still need to take Casterly Rock and King's Landing. Now, with the Greyjoy feelt, it might just be possible."

" _Now_ it might be possible?" I ask, wide eyed. "Have you not assured me from the very beginning that it is not only possible, but to be expected?"

"It was. It is. Alright, it was good and it's better now," he speaks fast, probably noticing my look of anger. "Can we not talk about war, if only for one day? I'm home. I brought my brother home. And the last time I saw her, my wife told me she loved me. Did that change?" he asks, his eyebrow raised at me.

"Oh, but of course it did. I love another now," I say, acting all serious. He narrows his eyes at me, but I keep the act up. "I plan to marry him as soon as you leave again. Polygamy might be frowned upon, but as a Queen, I think it would be nice to return the practice."

I expect him to say something in response, joking at my expense, but he doesn't. Instead, he rolls around on top of me, holding my hands with his above my head, pinning me down with his weight.

"Do you love me?" he asks. He is not joking anymore.

"Of course I bloody love you, you Northern fool," I roll my eyes at him. "Did you truly think I'd ever lie about that? Robb, I'm pretty sure I have loved you for a while now. You'd better get used to the idea." I say. It was very strange seeing him acting a bit insecure. I was the one who usually did that, not him.

"Believe me, it will not take me long to get used to it," he promises before planting a kiss on my lips. I was expecting the kiss to be a brief one, given that we have already taken our time; with his brother back, we had a lot to do. A lot from beyond this chamber. As much as I would like to stay locked up here for good, my responsibilities were dragging me elsewhere. "Gods, how I've missed you." he sighs before kissing me again. I know just how little it will take to make my resolve weak.

"Robb, no," I mumble over his lips. He doesn't stop the kiss. "Robb, we have a lot to do." I mumble.

"It can wait," he sighs as he pulls away. "Sophia. It can wait." He tells me, as soon as he sees that I am about to speak up. "I just want a little time with you before I go back to it. Believe me, by the time we leave this chamber, Greyjoys will still be on their way to your father, Joffrey will still be dead and Bran will still be here. Let's just have a little time, alright?" he asks.

He knows how weak my resolve is, perhaps even better than I do. He doesn't seem too surprised when I pull him down and kiss him.

* * *

I was so certain that I have passed every single challenge in my marriage.

I didn't know him at all. I got to know him. And somewhere along the way, I fell in love with him. I was positive I have done all that there was to do. He is in love with me. His mother has been nothing but kind to me, and after everything she and I have been through, I think Catelyn and I have a nice friendship between us. Sansa accepted me and treats me as a sister. Jon and I get along well. I have done all that there was for me to do. Or so I thought.

What I did not expect is that I will have a chance to meet his missing brother.

I was overwhelmed when they showed up at the gates. I was happy to see Robb alive and well and with Sansa and Catelyn having a breakdown at the sight of Bran Stark, I didn't even have a chance to realize how big of a deal his return actually is. By the time my mind started properly working again, Robb was not willing to let go of me. Normally, I would not complain, but now, there was a family member I needed to meet.

I am glad Catelyn and Sansa are not here. I expected them to be here, seeing as I can't imagine either one of them wanting to leave Bran's side, even for a little while. I imagine Robb talked to them. I am glad; I would feel pressure if the two of them were here. I still feel pressure, with just Robb and Bran here. At least the boy was smiling at me as Robb introduced us to one another.

"Robb told me he got married," Bran smiles, looking at Robb and then at me. "It was a little bit difficult for me to imagine, but he is hardly a child. I'll just have to get used to the idea."

"Don't worry, Bran," Robb laughs at his younger brother. "It took both of us a bit of time to get used to it, if I'm being honest." he tells him.

"A bit?" I ask through laughter. "We got married months ago," I explain to Bran, who was smiling at our exchange. "As soon as we were married, he had a war to plan and I had to travel here, with your mother. We barely knew each other, for the bigger part of our marriage."

"Yes, but we made it work, didn't we?" Robb asks.

"Yes," I roll my eyes. "I'm very lucky to be a part of your family, Bran. I'm looking forward to the opportunity to getting to know you better."

"Me too," the boy smiles up at me. "You were a Baratheon before, Sansa tells me?" he asks. Gods, why am I surprised to learn that they have all been talking about me behind my back? I shouldn't be. After all, I am a stranger to him. A stranger who is now a part of his family. He deserves to know the opinions others share behind my back. I can only hope that the opinions are good.

"Yes," I smile at him. "I'm the eldest daughter of King Stannis Baratheon. He was King Robert's younger brother," I explain, knowing that the boy might not be familiar with the Baratheon line. Why would he be, after all? "You will get to meet my sister too. I brought her along with us. She is only a year younger than you are. Perhaps a younger girl is not your ideal play mate, but feel free to tell her if she is annoying you. She won't take it to heart." I say with a smile. At least I don't think she would take it to heart. She never took it to heart with me, but Bran is closer to her age.

"Shireen?" Bran asks, smiling. "Oh, I have already met her. She wanted to ask me about the best hiding spots that Winterfell has to offer."

"Of course she did," I sigh, fighting the urge to punch Robb because he was laughing. "I hope you didn't offer the information to her."

"Of course I did," Bran beams up at me. "Us children need to stick together, don't we?"

"Gods help us," Robb laughs. Again, I fight the urge to punch him. Us? Us?! I am the one in charge of the children of Winterfell, not him. If Arya and Rickon return safely home, I have a feeling I would gladly change places with Robb. He can take over the children and I'll fight in the battlefield. "Don't make it difficult to Sophia while I'm away, do you hear me?" he asks his brother in a strict tone.

"Robb, back down," I laugh in surprise. "He hasn't done anything yet. Let's not reprimand him before we have to, alright?"

"Is this what it's going to be like when we have children of our own?" he asks.

"Possibly," I shrug. "Perhaps it will be even worse."

"Gods help you."

Robb and I both look at Bran in surprise, before all three of us start laughing. I like this boy already.

* * *

I was the one who spoke the least. Father would always say, stay silent if you do not have anything smart to say and I did my best to follow that; I still do.

Robb, Catelyn, Ser Davos and Ser Rodrick were talking in turns, as I listened on. The only other person who did not say a word was Sansa.

I was the one who insisted for her to be present. Sansa never mentioned having a desire to be a part of a council, even a temporary one, but I know that the girl is smart beyond her age. It might not even have anything to do with intelligence. Experience can change people and I believe it had changed Sansa.

Robb wasn't completely against it, but I know he agreed to it only because I insisted. It is more difficult for him to realize that she is no longer a child. As his younger sister, she will always be a child to him, a child in need of protection. I see her differently. I see her as a woman grown, grown before her time. Even if Robb has his doubts, I believe she would be a valuable asset. If nothing else, at least she will learn from us. Kings have been dropping like flies lately. For all we know, Sansa might be the one ruling Winterfell in a years' time.

When I look at her, I find her already looking at me. I smile, knowing she needs encouragement, probably as much as I needed it when I first sat on Father's council.

"Which one of you will have more numbers behind him?" Catelyn's voice snaps me out of my daze.

"The attack on King's Landing will need more man power," Robb tells her. "With the Greyjoy fleet backing him up, King Stannis will have enough men to overpower the Lannisters."

"And how many men will you be taking to Casterly Rock, Your Grace?" Ser Rodrick asks him.

"Fewer than I had behind me in the Riverlands, but enough to take the castle."

"I do not like that." Catelyn says, looking directly at her son.

"Me neither," I speak up. "King's Landing is a fairly easy target, compared to Casterly Rock. Father almost conquered it. Had it not been for the wildfire, they would all be dead."

"But there was wildfire, Your Grace," Ser Davos tells me. "And they are not dead. We were still defeated, you should not forget that."

"And Casterly Rock has not been conquered in hundreds of years," I shake my head. "Why must you do it at the same time? Why not go for Casterly Rock first and then for King's Landing. Correct me if I am wrong, but they are not expecting an attack on Casterly Rock either way. All of their forces are either in the Reach or in King's Landing. If you win over Casterly Rock, they will relocate; they will defend themselves and leave King's Landing unprotected."

"Which is exactly when we will strike," Robb confirms. "It will not be at the same moment, Sophia. We will wait for them to start mobilizing and as soon as they do, King Stannis will attack King's Landing. We will press them in the middle, we will surround them and they will have nowhere to go."

"Yes, if you and your forces don't die in an unsuccessful attempt to sack Casterly Rock."

"It will be successful." He tells me.

"Why not take a bigger part of the army with you?" I ask him. "With the Greyjoy's on our side, Father will have more than enough to take King's Landing. You would follow your plan, but with having more men with you, and not more men with Father, you have bigger chances of winning."

"Your Grace, if I may speak?" Davos asks. Annoyed, I nod my head. He knows very well he has permission to speak, always, no matter the occasion. "This was not a sudden decision. This was discussed on many occasions. Both King Stannis and King Robb have agreed on it. Both are very successful military men." He tells me. Yes, they are. Only one was defeated and shamed and another one has a hidden desire for glory and revenge.

"I am not doubting their capability, Ser Davos," I sigh, closing my eyes. I take a deep breath before I continue speaking. "I am simply worried."

"And you are not alone," Catelyn speaks up, supporting me. "It sounds irrational. I do not want you, or King Stannis underestimating the power of Casterly Rock. I can assure you that they did not leave it unprotected. The castle is… it is impossible to penetrate it. You need more men than you think, Robb."

"Mother, Sophia, it is settled," Robb speaks up. I can tell the difference. I know when Robb is speaking to me and when a King is speaking to me. Right now, I was not faced with a husband. I was faced with a King. As much as I am his Queen… his word is final. "I would like to thank you for your time today. We shall speak again tomorrow. We should all retire now." He suggests.

One by one, we all get up and take our leave. Robb and I were the last ones to do so. As we walk to our chambers, I am worried that I might have angered him, speaking my mind without a warning, as I did when we were at Riverrun. My worries disappear when he takes me by the hand. I look up at him, only to find him smiling down at me.

I suppose that he understands that I said all I have said simply out of worry. I do not care about castles or lands. I care about him coming back to me. I care about Father surviving this war. I want the war casualties to be low. All I say… all comes from the heart, from love and not from a desire to rule.

"When will you be leaving?" I ask as I take my night gown, walking behind the changing screen to change. I have been in this tight dress for too long.

"I can't say just yet," he tells me, not lifting his eyes from the papers in his hands. "I am waiting for a raven from your father, to confirm the final battle plans, to see if we shall meet again before charging on Casterly Rock and King's Landing. I suppose I have a few days more."

"And what do you plan to do while you are here?" I ask.

"Keep on planning a war," he tells me through laughter. "Help you and Mother with the tasks you have. Spend time with my family. I can't exactly spend the whole day playing in snow, can I?"

"And I can?" I laugh in surprise. "You know, no one told me that being a grown up would be this dull."

"I know," he sighs. I can see it too, on both of us. On him in particular, but even in my own reflection. We have not aged 20 years, not by any means, but not that long ago, we were children. His eyes did not have much of a spark when I first met him, but I would see that spark, every now and then. In the quiet, alone times we have shared. When we would talk and kiss, that spark would be present. But for the most part, on most days, that spark was nowhere to be found. "We just have to remind ourselves that it will be over soon."

"And yet we will never be younger again," I say, walking over to the bed. "You know… some days, I think that you might just be the only good part of it all." I admit.

"And I love you too," he chuckles, forcing me to beam with joy. There will never come a day when I will get used to those words. More than that, he just gave me a perfect opportunity. "What are you doing?" he asks in surprise as I kneel by the bed to pull out a case from under the bed.

"I had something made for you," I grunt as I lift the case in my hands and carry it over to his desk, with great effort. "Well, not made. Touched up, I suppose," I sigh in relief as the box hits the desk with a loud thump. I smile when I he frowns, looking down at the case and then up at me. "Catelyn wanted to clear out the basement, and while doing so, she stumbled upon some old weapons. Technically, it was your mother and the servants who found it. I took Gendry down there, to see if any of it was usable. It is. Well, Gendry perfected it. I suppose I just announced that it will go to you, and everyone just followed my lead." I admit. It is not as if the sword was my idea, carefully planned and organized. It literally stumbled into my arms.

I can't hide my smile as I watch Robb opening the case. The smile on my face only grows when I see his eyes go wide. Whether it is shock or amazement or even disbelief, I cannot say.

"Sophia, this is-"

"Valyrian steel. I know," I smile at him. "Gendry told me as much. He got real excited when we found it. I know they are rare and very valuable, but, what do I know about swords? I was more worried about what it had been doing in the basements of Winterfell, rather than what we would do with it."

"Sophia, this is Valyrian steel." he repeats, taking the sword out of the case, possibly to see how well it fits into his hand. I notice a smile starting to appear on his face.

"I know," I confirm again. "We did change the handle. It was quite dull before. No sigil, or anything that would explain who it had belonged to before. I thought a wolf was a more fitting option."

"Sophia, this is Valyrian steel."

"Have you forgotten how to speak?" I ask, laughing. "I know it's Valyrian steel. I knew you would like it, or at the very least, need it. It belonged to know one and now it is yours. Now, I hope you got your ability to speak back, since you do need to name him." I tell him.

"A name?" he asks in surprise, looking down at the sword in his hands. "Do you have any suggestions? It has to do with winter or wolves. With you as well."

"With me?" I ask in surprise. "Oh, Robb Stark. What kind of man would you be if you were to name your sword after a woman?" I ask.

"A man in love," he replies, looking up at me, wide eyed. I can only laugh. I imagined that he would like the sword well enough, but I did not think he would be this amazed by it. "Your words are 'Ours is the fury', am I right?" he asks.

"No, my words are 'Winter is coming'," I tell him, smiling when he laughs in response. "My words _were_ 'Ours is the fury'." I correct him.

"Very well, then," he nods his head, looking down at the sword again. "Winter's fury. Winter, because 'Winter is coming' and fury, because my wife's words use to be 'Ours is the fury'."

"You really are in love with me, aren't you?" I laugh.

"Yes, I'm afraid so."

"I can live with that," I laugh in response. "Now, do you want me to leave you alone with Winter's fury or do you want to spend some time with your wife?"

"And what do you think?" he asks as he puts the sword back in the case, not moving his eyes away from me.

"Well, I don't know. You seem to be pretty excited about the sword." I say, starting to laugh when he pulls me closer to him and starts kissing me.

That might be Valyrian steel, but I win.

My robe was already open and he was on top of me when we heard a knock on the door.

"Ignore it." he mumbles as he continues kissing my neck.

"Robb, it could be important," I breathe out, not wanting to stop this any more than he did. "Who is it?" I ask, loud enough for the one who knocked to hear. Robb grunts, pulling away from me.

"Why?" he asks, looking down at me in disappointment. "Why would you do that?"

"It's Sansa!" she speaks up from the other side of the door. "Can I speak with you for a moment?"

"Because it is your sister. If she needs to speak to us, you'd better learn how to keep it in your pants for a while longer, wolf boy," I tell Robb, pushing him away from me. He rolls over on the bed as I tie my robe again. "Come in, dear!" I shout in response. Sansa opens the door and sheepishly walks into our chambers. Seeing us both on bed, I imagine she knows well enough what she interrupted.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you, but it is urgent." She tells us. As far as I can see, she doesn't look panicked.

"What is the matter?" Robb asks her, finally thinking as a brother and not a simple man.

"I need to speak to Sophia," she tells him. "In private."

"What is it that you two need to speak that is not for my ears?" he laughs, looking at us in turns.

"Robb, please." Sansa begs him. I was smiling at his joke, but she wasn't. _Now_ she does look troubled.

"Robb, could you give us a moment, please?" I ask him, knowing that women sometimes do have to have a conversation that is not meant for a man to hear. Perhaps Sansa needs an older woman to speak to, and does not feel comfortable with speaking to her mother. I can step in, pretending to be the older sister she never had. That is the least I can do for her.

"A wife and a sister, kicking out the King out of his own chambers?" he asks, pretending to be insulted.

"Oh, you'll survive," I wave him off. He mumbles some inaudible words as he walks out into the hallway, leaving me and his sister alone. "What is the matter, pup?" I ask her, using the same pet name I have used on Shireen. "You look troubled."

"I am," she confirms. I can see it on her face, whatever she wants to say; she does not know how to say it. I can either urge her to speak or wait for her to find her own words. Knowing how difficult it is with someone pressuring you, I stay silent and wait for her. "I did not give it much thought. I did not even have time to do so, it only arrived yesterday. But today, you invited me to sit on the council. And as I was listening to all of you speak…"

"Sansa, I am sorry," I tell her. "I was the one who told Robb that you are old enough to know, old enough to have your say. You are a woman grown. If I could sit on Father's council, you should be able to sit on ours. I am sorry if you were not ready for it just yet. You will not have to do it again, if that is what you wish."

"No, it is not that," she shakes her head. "You didn't do me wrong, Sophia. It is just… I thought I had nothing to say. I thought I will only listen and be aware of what is going on. I didn't even imagine that I would have something to offer."

"And you do?" I ask in surprise. She doesn't say anything, but I can read the look on her face. "Sansa, this is why you were on the council. You are no longer a child. After everything they had put you through, back in King's Landing… the childlike innocence in you did not follow you back home. You are a smart, grown woman. If you have something to say, you should say it. We will all listen, I promise you that." I tell her. I remember how difficult it was for me to speak up. I had an opinion and I wanted to share it, but I was afraid. Afraid of saying those words, afraid of no one taking my words seriously. It took me a while and I did not have anyone to guide me. I will not let the same happen to Sansa.

"Tyrion Lannister wrote me a letter." She tells me.

"I'm sorry, what?" I ask in surprise, unsure of what I've just heard.

"He wrote to me," she confirms. "I received the letter yesterday morning. He wrote to me from his cell, or so he says. He was awaiting his trial when he wrote it; I don't know what happened afterwards. I wanted to say something, but I didn't realize it was of any importance. And when I did, the council was already over. And I couldn't say it to Robb."

"Sansa, whatever it is, you can say it to me," I tell her. "If you wish for it to stay between us, I will not say a word to him." I promise her. I do not like the idea of keeping secrets from him, but there is an exception for everything. If Sansa needs an older sister now, I will be her older sister.

"No, you will have to tell him," she shakes her head. "It is important, but I… I just couldn't say it to him directly."

"Sansa, you are scaring me now," I tell her, standing up. "What did the letter say?" I ask.

She doesn't respond. She simply offers me a piece of paper.

I take it, slowly, waiting for her to change her mind. It was addressed to her. If she wants it to remain private, she has every right to do so. I give her a moment to change her mind, but when she doesn't do that, I open the letter and I start reading.

 _Sansa,_

 _I write you from the darkness of a cell, with only a single torch as a light source. It is quite sad, I must admit._

 _I am sure you already know about what happened. I know very well that you might choose not to listen, but I did not do it. I wanted to, Gods know I did, but I did not do it. I wanted you to know that. The man you married might be a dwarf, but he is no kingslayer. Or a kinslayer, for that matter._

 _I am sorry for everything my family has put you through. I tried to protect you, to the best of my ability. I hope I did not do you wrong. There will be no need for annulment, not if I am to be executed. And if I survive, feel free to ask the Citadel for it. Our marriage was never real, and this letter can serve as proof._

 _I am sorry that this burden will follow you. I wish it had been better. I hope you do not resent me._

 _We will never see one another again, but I wish you good fortune. I wish good fortune to you and your family. You are a King's sister. I hope you remain a King's sister for the years to come._

 _Your brother is quite the capable man, a great warrior. No great warriors have gotten to my ancestral home, however, though many have tried. Casterly Rock might be the biggest challenge he would have to face, but even the biggest challenges are achievable, if one only knows where to look. A rock it may be, but even rock have its holes. Some are doors, some are on the other side. If one only knows where to look, it can be found with a simple look around. A marine expedition, if you will. And who can tell where those roads lead to?_

 _Some roads lead us to the afterlife, others lead us to hidden chambers. I'm afraid my road might be the first one, but only time with tell which road will your brother follow. A look out might be a good idea before he makes his decision. Who knows what he might find?_

 _I hope you survive this ordeal, Sansa. You have been through a lot and you deserve as much._

 _I wish you good fortune in the years to come. The man who marries you will be a lucky man indeed._

 _Your loving husband,_

 _Tyrion_

"It is his handwriting," she tells me, speaking as I stare at the paper in my hands. "It does not have a sigil, but would he have a sigil in a dungeon? It is his handwriting. And the signature, loving husband? He used to jest on his own expense. It is his, it is genuine, I am certain."

"Robb needs to see this at once."

"I know."


	42. Chapter 42

**Here we go guys, here's a new one.**

 **I'm doing my happy dance, because the number of followers keeps rising! YAY!**

 **Don't forget the drill, let me know what you think!**

 **I'm leaving you with a tiny promise: Next one is going to be a BIG one. BIG ONE! :)**

* * *

I watch Robb as he looks over the letter, for what must be the hundredth time.

Sansa made her escape before I broke the news to him. Unlike me, she was positive that he would handle it better coming from his wife than from his sister. She was afraid he would be angry at her and I can't blame her for it. She held onto a very important piece of information, albeit for a very short period of time. Even so, I knew Robb would keep his anger in. I was not afraid to face him on Sansa's behalf, and when the girl begged me, I could not refuse. Although, if he ever was going to be angry at anyone, I am positive he would take it out on his wife, rather than on his sister.

He wasn't angry at all. He was shocked, more than anything. Which is very understandable. I felt the same as I read those words. So I wait. I wait, patiently, as he reads those words, over and over again.

I don't know if I was always patient, or if this was a skill I have recently started to develop.

"Why…?" Robb speaks up, struggling to find the right words. "Why would he do this?" he asks, looking at me for answers, as if Tyrion confided in me before sending the raven our way.

"I cannot say," I admit, shrugging my shoulders. "He is in a dungeon, awaiting a trial, at best. He is probably thinking that he will be dead soon enough. I do not know much about one goes through as they are approaching the end, but settling old debts might seem like a logical move."

"What debt does Tyrion Lannister have to settle with me?" he asks in confusion.

"It doesn't have to be with you," I shake my head. "Perhaps it is connected to his family. I know that they were staying at Winterfell and that you met them all, but I got to spend more time with them. As did Sansa. They hate him. Tywin Lannister hates his son and Cersei Lannister hates his brother and they have never bothered hiding it, not even from bystanders. Perhaps Tyrion Lannister sees this as a perfect opportunity for revenge. After all, what would be better? Help an enemy take something that matters to them. It's a proper send off for Tyrion, if you think about it. A final farewell."

"Is that hatred truly strong enough for him to betray his family?" Robb asks.

"It is," I nod, not even having to think about it. "Robb, it is easy to be loyal to your family when you were raised by loving parents and amazing siblings. You would never do that because you love your family, just as much as your family loves you. Tyrion was not loved. Believe me when I say it, he was not loved. If I was able to notice that, you can imagine what it was like for him."

"Your words make it sound as if you have known the feeling yourself." He comments.

"When you think about it, I kind of did," I admit, shrugging my shoulders. "Not in the same measure as Tyrion did. I did not grow up surrounded by hatred. My parents did not despise me, they did not blame me for anything. But it was not the same upbringing you had, I am afraid. It is not enough to make me angry enough to betray my family. Quite the opposite, actually. But it is not so difficult for me to imagine what would cause Tyrion would do such a thing." I tell him.

I did not want to talk about a life I once had, especially not with Robb. He does not need to know it. It is not important information for this war and it's also not important for our marriage. I have grown out of it and left it behind me. I am living another life now, barely connected to the one I had. Besides, I did not want to criticize Father. I know that he deserves a critic and I am well aware that he was never perfect, but he is Robb's ally. I do not want Robb to lose trust in him. I haven't. Just because he wasn't gentle doesn't mean I do not care about him. But Robb is not his blood. Robb does not feel a duty towards him, not in the way that I do. And Robb turning his back on Father is the last thing I want to see.

"You believe this to be true, then?" Robb asks, lifting up the letter. "You do not think it could be a trap?" he asks me.

"It could be," I admit, even though I did not believe in it. Sansa reassured me that she recognized her husband's writing, but that does not mean that he wasn't forced to write it. Perhaps he even did it on his own accord, wanting to lure us into a trap. "I believe we will find out soon enough. If he is sentenced to death, we will know. He would not write this for his family's benefit if his family is going to kill him. If he dies, we will know that he was being honest. I don't think we have much of a wait before us."

"We don't," Robb shakes his head. "The date of the trial is set for tomorrow. No matter what happens, we will know of it by the end of this week."

"Can you afford to wait that long?" I ask.

"I can," he nods his head. "I can stay here until I hear the news, but if Tyrion Lannister is executed and we chose to believe that this letter is truthful, I will have to make a decision fast."

"There isn't much to decide, Robb," I shake my head, confused. "You were going to ride for Casterly Rock either way. Based on the content of the letter, you can simply send a few soldiers to look around the cliff, to approach it by boat. You do not need more men for that, and I already know you do not have a particular desire to bring more men with you." I add, reminding him of our earlier disagreement. I do not like the idea of him going into attack with fewer men than he had before. I do not think that is smart, but as I have already come to realize, he will not always listen to me, even if my arguments make more sense than his plans.

"I will have to speak to King Stannis before I do anything," he tells me in a careful tone and I know why. The last thing I wanted to hear is that the attack might end up being postponed, even for a little while. From the very start, we have been pushing it away. At first, we were supposed to have one night and one night alone, one night after our wedding, before they went into attack. That turned into months of seemingly endless wait. And now, I will have to wait some more. "I am not alone in this, Sophia. You know I would have this over with, within a fortnight if possible, but I can't. And before I make a move, I need to consult your Father. We share this responsibility."

"I know," I sigh, getting up from the chair I was sitting in. I walk over towards him and sit down into his lap, throwing my arms around his neck and looking him into the eyes. "I just wish you could be here with me for a while longer."

"I want it as well," he reassures me. "It will be that way, Sophia. When it is over, we will live in peace."

" _When_ it is over," I nod. The word when left a bitter taste in my mouth. "Oh well. I will do what all wives do when their men go to war. I will wait patiently and keep the house in order."

"You are a Queen," Robb chuckles in surprise. "You are not keeping the house in order. You are ruling an entire kingdom, on your own. Do not try to make it seem less responsible than it is, Sophia. You can act, you are quite the pretender, but I know you are tired. I know what this is doing to you."

I knew he was aware of it. He is no fool and in all honesty, I was not even trying that hard to pretend.

"Well, it is nothing I can't handle," I say, not being sure of it myself. "I am going to ask something from you, however," I say, making him raise his eyebrows. "I want to go with you, Robb. If you are going to visit Father first, take me with you. If I am safe at Winterfell, I will be safe at Dragonstone as well. If not, I will return to Winterfell from there. Your mother can hold the North. She has Sansa with her. The two of them together might be even more capable than I am. Yes, if I stay here, I can do it, but I do not want to stay here. I want to go with you." I insist.

"I want you with me as well, but you know we cannot do that," he tells me. I knew he would say that even before he opened his mouth. I was expecting this. "I need you here. You need to hold the North. You need to be here in case something happens. You need to be safe, Sophia. I will not have you dying."

"If you didn't love me, would you let me come with you?" I ask. In my mind, it is his love that is clouding his judgment. If he didn't care so much for me, he would not care if I was in danger or not.

"I wouldn't," he shakes his head. "I need my wife safe. Loving you only makes my decision certain."

"You're making me angry," I whine, rolling my eyes as he is laughing at me. "I wish it could be different. I know why it can't, but I really want to join you."

"I will be back soon." He promises.

"Do you even wonder how bad we would get along if we were actually together all the time?" I mumble. He starts laughing and pulls me closer, kissing me on my cheek.

"You would drive me crazy in all the right ways," he laughs, making me laugh as well. "Is that a direwolf?" he asks. It takes me a moment to realize that he is looking at my necklace.

"Yes," I confirm, taking the pendant between my fingers. "Sansa gave it to me. She says that I am a Stark now and that with you and Grey Wind gone, I need a direwolf to look after me."

"You and Sansa get along well, don't you?" he smiles at me.

"We do," I confirm. "It is not so difficult for me to do that. After all, I have Shireen. I have been an older sister for more than ten years. I know how to do such a job. I hope it will be the same with Bran."

"I'm sure it will."

"I will let you know, seeing as I will have to write you again."

"I will be looking forward to it," he laughs. "Let's sleep. We will have a lot of work to do tomorrow?"

"Like what?" I ask as I get up.

"Well, regular Winterfell business," he shrugs. "I have to call for a council, now that we have this letter. And perhaps we will find out about Tyrion Lannister's trial soon enough."

"True," I grunt as I fall down onto the bed and make room for myself right next to him. I barely make myself comfortable and his arms are already around me. "Is it foolish of me to hope that this will all become easier? When the war is over?"

"I'm afraid it is," he admits, looking down at me. "When we win, we will have a Kingdom to rule. One day, you will have to take over your Father's crown. We should not forget about that."

"And then what?" I ask, feeling irritated. Not at him, of course. I am irritated because of the situation. "I rule in the South, you rule in the North, with leagues between us? We stay in Winterfell and abandon the capital? Or we abandon the North and go to King's Landing?"

"We will think of that when the time comes," he tells me. He is avoiding the problem. And I can't blame him. I want to avoid it as well. I try my best, and for the most part, I do ignore it. But it creeps up on me when I least expected, as if I needed another reason to be worried. "Goodnight, my love."

"Goodnight." I mumble.

* * *

Having Robb around was not as helpful as I thought it might be. In fact, I think it harmed me more than it benefited me. He helped us with the taxes and with some major decisions, but he was also the biggest distraction I ever had. It didn't matter what I was doing. He was on my mind. And if he was in front of my eyes, it would only make it worse. I just wanted to be with him, all the time.

It is not desire. I did not want to be with him in bed, even if I have no objections to that. I just… want to be with him, in the same place, with no one else besides us, just talking or kissing, or yes, rolling around in the sheets. Anything would suffice, really.

We didn't even have to be alone. Last night, he, Sansa, Bran, Shireen and I sat up in Bran's chambers, just talking. I was amazed to realize that there still is a little child in me, even with all the responsibilities that were frown on me. I might be the Queen, but last night, my cheeks were red from the wine and my face hurt from my smile. The same goes for Robb. A king and a capable military commander, who has the stupidest jokes I have ever heard.

At least we had a number of slow days, days with no action. It was nice. If we did not have councils, it would be as if our life was completely normal. It was easy for me to pretend that that was the situation, as I pushed Bran around the courtyard in his wooden, wheeled chair.

"Are you missing the Reed's?" I ask him. After all, it was the Reeds that kept him safe. Them, and the gentle giant that is Hodor. I do not know much of the Reeds, other that there are the two of them; brother and sister, children of Howland Reed, one of the Stark bannermen. They were not with Robb on the battlefield, however. He explained that his instructions to them were simple: stay where you are. Between the North and the Riverlands, there's only Greywater Watch in The Neck. If the Riverlands fall, which I honestly hope will not happen; Greywater Watch will be our first line of defense.

"I am," Bran admits, twisting his head around to smile at me. "I am glad to be home, however."

"Your family is very glad to have you back," I tell him, turning us around so that we can take another circle around the courtyard. My arms are not yet in pain, even though the wooden chair is quite heavy on its own, especially with Bran's weight added. "So am I. I know how much they wanted to have you back. Hopefully, we will receive news of Rickon or Arya soon enough." I add, knowing that Robb had already sent 20 men to Skagos, in the hopes of finding his youngest brother alive and well.

"And then we wait for Robb to return from war?" Bran asks.

"Well, we do more than that," I tell him. "We don't just… sit around and wait. We can't afford to do that. I wish we could, but we have our own work to do here. When he does return for good, I hope all of us will be able to enjoy the change, but we don't just sit around and wait."

"I've noticed you, Sansa and Mother working quite a lot." He comments.

"Well, someone has to," I shrug, not liking the credit he was giving me. I am not doing it out of the good of my heart. I am doing it because I have to. If I could have someone else do it, I would gladly turn my head around and do nothing for the entire day. "It is not something difficult, or unachievable. I simply wish I had more time to prepare myself for it." I admit as I stop walking; I turn Bran around and I sit down on a large log, the furs keeping me safe and dry from the snow on the wood.

"You were not expecting this?" he asks and I start laughing.

"No, Bran, I did not," I tell him. "You must remember, my father was not a King. He was the younger brother of the King, his Master of Ships. Just a Lord. From a respected House, the ruling House, but a Lord. I wasn't a Princess, I was a Lady. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that my Father would become a King and that I will end up marrying another King. It hit me like an unexpected wave."

"Still, you seem to be doing fine." Bran notices.

"I was lucky," I admit. "If I had any less luck… it would be a complete disaster."

And it is not as if my luck was enormous. I was away from Robb, most of the time. Catelyn deserved most, if not all of the compliments, since it was her running the business and me simply following her. I managed to lose the focus I had on my sister and I possibly had a miscarriage. I was not extremely lucky. That being said, I know just how worse it could be. I am counting my blessings.

"What do you think, when will all of this be over?" he asks.

"The war?" I wonder and he nods his head. "Not soon enough, I'm afraid." I tell him and as I turn my head, I notice Robb walking towards us. "Care to join us?" I ask him with a smile when he walks close enough to hear me.

"I can't, I'm afraid," he shakes his head and it's only now that I notice that he looks worried. More worried than usual. Over the past few days, he did not look so worried. He actually looked his age, as he could pretend that he does not have a massive responsibility on his shoulders. It would appear that he can't pretend anymore. "I need to speak to you." he tells me.

"I can wait." Bran reassures us. I nod, getting up from the log and walking away with Robb. We do not walk for long; he stops as soon as we are far enough from Bran's ears.

"What happened?"

"Tyrion's champion lost the trial by combat," he tells me. "Oberyn Martell fought for him and is now dead."

"Prince Oberyn?" I ask in surprise, only knowing the man by name. "The Martells will not take that lightly, Robb. Their Princess already died during the rebellion. If there ever was a time for Dorne to seek revenge, it is now."

"They can't seek revenge when the Prince willingly offered to fight for Tyrion Lannister," Robb shakes head. "But there is more. During the night, it is said that he escaped. When morning came, they did not find him in the dungeons and they found Tywin Lannister shot with arrows through the chest."

"Lord Tywin is dead?" I ask in surprise and Robb nods his head. "Tyrion killed his father?"

"That it what they claim." He confirms.

"I… I don't know if to believe it or not," I admit. I know that the resentment between them went both ways, but murder was not something I ever thought could happen. After all, despite the hatred he felt for his son, Tywin kept him alive. Well, until now. Perhaps it was the trial that made the wheels in Tyrion's head turn faster. "Do they know where he escaped?"

"He's not in King's Landing and a prize is offered for his head," Robb tells me. "As much as I could understand from our man there, he thinks he escaped on a boat."

"Tyrion is a smart man," I nod, agreeing. "He knows that staying in Westeros would mean certain death. He is probably a long way away from Cersei's hands. I cannot believe he would kill his father." I mumble, still unable to accept it. I understand his reasons, but I do not understand the ability to do it. Then again, I am comparing him to myself and evidently, we are very different. It does not matter what Stannis says or does, I would never harm him. Then again, if I was exposed to pure poison and hatred since I was a child, perhaps I would think about it differently.

"But he is dead," Robb speaks up. "Their greatest asset is dead."

"With Joffrey and Tywin dead, they have a boy for a King and no one to lead their army."

"They have the Kingslayer," Robb reminds me. "He should not be taken lightly, but without Tywin, their strength weakens. I was able to defeat the Kingslayer before. I will be able to do it again."

"When are you leaving then?" I ask, already knowing that he is leaving sooner than I would like. He needs to speak to Stannis and he needs to do it fast. I doubt Jaime Lannister is stupid enough to let himself be surprised by the same enemy twice, but the death of his father perhaps had a negative effect on him. I cannot say how big of an advantage it is, but it definitely is an advantage. And I know that both my husband and my father would want to use it.

"Tomorrow morning."

"And the Gods can only guess if I will ever get to see you again."

"You will see me,-"

"Robb, do shut up," I sigh, ignoring the amused look on his face when I silenced him. "I do not know. You do not know. No one knows, not the Gods, not us. And I am growing tired of goodbyes. Each time, they heart more. Tomorrow, before you leave, I do not want you to say goodbye to me. Not anymore, not ever again. I will stay in bed; I will not see you off. You will kiss me and you will close the door after you, as if you were going out for an evening stroll and not to continue the war. Most of the time, I cannot escape the truth and I do not want to do it, not really. But for one day, one morning, I can. I am allowed to do that. I deserve it. No more goodbyes. No more." I say as he stares down at me. I can't read his face, but I am not even trying. He has no choice anymore.

I have not asked him for much, and we have been husband and wife for a while now. The very least he can do is to give me this. I am not asking for much.

"No more goodbyes." He nods his head, taking my hand into his and kissing it.

* * *

"Your Grace," a serving girl calls after me. I stop and turn around with a small smile. "Your chambers are clean and ready, Your Grace. Do you want me light a fire for you?" she asks.

"Yes, please. Thank you." I nod, before returning to the little journey I was making. Walking through the corridors, I make my way towards Shireen's chambers, ready to tell her another bedtime story.

As I walk in, I see her sitting behind her little desk, writing something down.

"Who are you writing to?"

"Father."

I was not expecting to hear that. I do not know why; it makes perfect sense. Simply because I was unable to write a single sentence and send it to our father, does not mean she is going through a similar situation. I can't forbid her to do that. She might be in my care, but I could never do that.

And even if I could, why would I? If the two are in touch, perhaps they will salvage whatever is left of their relationship. It would appear that it is too late for me, but it is not too late for her.

"What are you writing?" I smile as I sit down on the edge of her bed.

"I am just informing him of how things are here, in Winterfell," she shrugs, rolling up the parchment. "What I do, what you are doing."

"Does he ask?" I wonder.

"Yes, he does," she confirms. "He asks about you in every letter."

I did not need to hear that. The guilt was already here, and hearing that Stannis actually asks about me made it worse. I knew he asked Robb about me and Winterfell, every now and again. Robb told me that much. I did not know he was asking Shireen as well. I was under the impression that he did not even think twice about me not writing him, but perhaps I was mistaken.

"And what do you tell him?"

"I tell him that you are doing a good job," she tells me as she walks over to sit next to me. "I tell him that you are handling yourself just fine. And that you are really busy at all times, but that you always have time for me. Don't worry. Even if you were doing a horrible job, I would never tell him that." She announces, sounding proud. After all, sisters do hold each other's back.

"You are aware that I love you more than life itself, right?" I ask.

"Of course I am," she smiles brightly at me. "I love you just as much." She tells me before she snuggles up next to me, making me grin like a fool.

"Alright now," I mumble as I pull away. "Time for your story." I order her, but by the time both of us are under covers, there is a knock on the door and Sansa peaks in.

"Do you mind if I join you?" she asks us.

"Of course not!" Shireen jumps up before I had a chance to do it myself. She and I move a bit to the side, so that Sansa has room; she doesn't lie down like we do. She simply sits on the edge of the bed. "Sophia was about to tell me one of her stories, but I want to talk about that tournament." Shireen tells her.

"Which tournament?" I wonder.

"The Hand's tourney," Sansa tells me. "The one King Robert organized in the honor of my father." She elaborates. I remember hearing about that. I also remember that I did not go.

"I actually asked Father for permission to leave and take you with me," I tell Shireen. "He didn't let me. By that time, he had already limited the time he spent at King's Landing. I suppose that he knew that something bad was about to happen. Or, perhaps he was just hurt Uncle Robert didn't choose him as his new Hand." I add, knowing that Father _was_ expecting that honor to go to him. For many years, he was the best Master of Ships that King's Landing ever had, or so they claim. It would have made perfect sense if he was made the new Hand. As much as it makes perfect sense that Robert ultimately chose Lord Stark, causing the unfortunate series of events that followed.

"We could have gone there?" Shireen asks, looking sad at the outcome of that possibility.

"We could have, had he given me permission to take you there. But, he didn't. Which ended up being the best decision he could have made."

"Why?" my sister asks in confusion.

"We might have still been in King's Landing when Uncle Robert died. Joffrey would have inherited the crown and Father would have proclaimed himself King, just like he did. If we were there when all of those events occurred, I cannot say if we would live to tell the tale. At the very best, we would have been taken hostage," I explain to her. It takes me a moment to remember the ordeal Sansa had to go through and I give her an apologetic look. "Sansa, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"It's alright," she interrupts me with a small smile. "I am glad you got to avoid such a thing."

I adore Sansa, I truly do, but it often feels as if she is holding back. I do not know if she is holding back only in my presence, or if this is something she does all the time. I can tell that she is being honest, but it seems to me like she only says a part of the words she would actually want to say.

It doesn't bother me, but I cannot see that ending well for her. She should be able to speak her mind freely, no matter the topic. I will have to pay attention to that. Pay attention to her, in general. Maybe there are certain things she can't learn from her mother but she can from me. That's the least I can do for her. After all, she has accepted me into her family without thinking twice about it.

"I am sad you didn't."

"I am here now," she shakes her head. At the very least, she is willing to look at the positive. "I am home and I am with my family. That is all that matters."

"And now you have two new sisters." Shireen tells her with a bright smile.

"I do." Sansa nods, smiling in turns at me and Shireen.

"Alright, the two of you," I sigh, moving around the bed to make myself a bit more comfortable. "It's getting late. Sansa, get ready to hear one of our Southern bedtime stories. I am sure they are different from the ones you've listened to while growing up."

"Of course they are different when you keep making them up every other night." Shireen comments. I turn around, staring at her in disbelief, wondering if I will ever stop being surprised with the tongue that girl has. Lacking a good response, I grab a pillow and put it over her face, holding it gently enough to not smother her. Sansa was giggling as my little sister was struggling to wiggle away from my attack.

"That's what you get for barking like a dog, Shireen," I warn her, moving away the pillow from her face. As she's trying to catch her breath, her eyes are narrowed, but I can still see a hint of a smile on her face. "So, Sansa, what do you know about mermaids?"


	43. Chapter 43

**Hello, hello! Here we are with a new chapter! And the number of you reading this keeps rising and I still can't quite believe it!  
You have no idea how much it means to me. Thank you, thank you so much!  
Let me know what you think about this one. It's kind of a big one, with the next one being even bigger. We're still not at the end, but we're getting closer to it.  
Normally, I'd be super sad, but I'm writing like 5 different stories at the same time, so there'll be more where this came from!**

 **Anyways, I hope you enjoy this one. Let me know what you think! :)**

* * *

Oversee the spending.

Oversee the castle maintenance.

Do the taxes.

Answer letters.

Sign letters and announcements.

Do some more taxes.

Prepare yourself for more than ten unexpected situations, that can range from runaway sheep right down to a small fire that caught one of the stalls in the marketplace down in Winter Town.

If there is time, eat.

If there is time, read some more letters before bed.

Fall asleep, worried about everything and everyone.

There is only so much a woman can handle. Two women can handle a bit more. Three women should be able to take on the challenge, but Catelyn, Sansa and I have had enough.

On Catelyn's insistence, we have included Sansa into our daily business. Help was needed and Sansa was willing to provide it. Still, even with her by our side, we did not get one moment of rest. Catelyn had not stop reassuring me that it is not always like this, but I still doubt it.

I wish it was only Winterfell and Winter Town we had to take care of. If it was, I think I would have more time for myself. Not that I would use it in a smart way; I would probably just be reading books, sulking in my chambers, away from everyone and everything. I doubt it would be much easier, but we do have the entire North on our shoulders. It is difficult to ignore the feeling that any moment now, my knees are about to buckle under the weight.

And the worst part is, this is all child's play. It is true what they say; women hold the fort while the men squabble. This fort is standing and our men are still squabbling.

I don't know what was the drop that cause the water to overflow, but it happened.

The three of us were standing over a large map, leaning over the table as we pointed and discussed.

"We have the North," I say, putting one wooden statue of a direwolf on the map. "We also have the Riverlands." I add, putting another direwolf onto a painted castle symbolizing Riverrun."

"We have Lord Baelish in the Vale." Sansa adds.

"Do we truly?" I wonder.

"We do," Sansa reassures me. "Lord Baelish might seem untrustworthy, but what Robb promised him is not something the Lannisters could promise him."

"Land and title?" I chuckle. "Yes, they can. If they have a chance, they will."

"Petyr will stay with us," Catelyn shakes her head as she puts a direwolf over the Vale. "Lysa was my sister and Lord Robyn is my nephew. They are not connected to the Lannisters in any way, and they are to me, which means that they are connected to Robb as well. Besides, Petyr… he will stay."

"Do you think your childhood friendship with him is going to be enough?" I ask her. I am not calling her out. I trust her judgment, but I need her to confirm it to me, without a shadow of a doubt. This is not a guessing game. We cannot afford to make a wrong guess, let alone a wrong decision.

"I know it will," she reassures me, looking right at me. "There is no doubt in my mind."

"Very well," I nod, letting that one go. "We also have Dragonstone and the Iron Islands also fight on our side." I say, watching as Sansa puts the wooden direwolves where they belong. "If they were to take Casterly Rock and the rest of the Westerlands, more than half of the realm would be ours," I mumble as I look down at the map. "Westerlands seem to be the key."

"The Reach, Stormlands and Dorne are on the other side of the fight," Catelyn observes. "As if there is a straight line going through the island. We are north, they are south."

"But is Dorne on the other side?" I ask, looking down at the southernmost part of the map. "The Lannisters have killed their princess. The Lannisters are responsible for their prince dying too. We cannot say where Dorne stands. I believe they would be willing to bend the knee to Stannis and Robb, at the first sign of weakness from the Lannisters," I say, but like I've said before, a guess is not enough. "And the Stormlands are half empty! The only reason Father didn't take Storm's end is because the Lannisters are in his way."

"Do you believe an alliance with Dorne would be a good option?" Catelyn asks me.

"I don't know," I admit, falling back into my chair, keeping my eyes on the map in front of me. "On one hand, I think they would be more than willing to stab them in the back. On the other hand, I am aware that too many alliances might bring us more harm than benefit. Perhaps we should go ahead and do it, perhaps we should do it by ourselves and look forward to them swearing allegiance without a second thought." I sigh, fiddling the necklace Sansa had given me. This is why I am a wife and not a military commander. I am clever enough to think of a plan, and not clever enough to know if it is the right one.

"And the Reach will never be ours, will it?" Sansa asks.

"I doubt it," I speak honestly. "They have sworn allegiance to the Lannisters and they are in King's Landing. For all we know, another marriage alliance will take place. They will not turn their backs on them, not unless defeat was in sight. They bend the knee to my Uncle, many years ago. They will bend it again, to save themselves. But willingly, while having another option? I highly doubt it."

"Not to mention that we should not trust the Greyjoys," Catelyn reminds me, as if that was something I needed to be reminded of. "They are on our side for now, but Gods only know how long they will keep it up." She sighs, not bothering to hide the doubt in her voice. She doesn't trust them, _at all._

"I know," I agree, watching the outlines of Pyke Island, west from us, west from the North. "Father and Robb trust them, at least for now, but if they so much as make a move in a different direction, I will send them Theon's head within a fortnight. Even if I have to cut it off myself."

To think I was the gentle one, the one that wanted to have him pardoned. Even then, I wanted it for selfish reasons. I knew that Theon Greyjoy had to live simply because Robb would not be able to live with himself if he was the one to sentence him to death, let alone if he was the one who would do the deed. And now, my mind is changed, out of selfish reasons, once again. If his family was to betray Father and Robb, that would put them in a grave danger, possibly even worse than I can imagine. I would all that I possibly can to keep Robb safe. And here, this far away from them, the only thing I can do is to have a death sentence dangling over Theon's head.

Does that make me cruel? Perhaps it does. I'd like to think it makes me a good Queen, and a Baratheon to the bone. One must not forget who raised me to.

"We can spend hours here," Catelyn sighs as she sits down at the head of the table. "Your father and Robb will still do it their way." She adds, not sounding too content. And neither was I. As much as I love Robb, it is not easy to shake some sense into him. He is stubborn, perhaps even more stubborn than I am. And I am notorious from being stubborn.

"Are all men stupid?" Sansa asks.

For a moment, I think she is joking. I raise my eyebrows, seeing that the girl looks absolutely serious. Catelyn and I exchange looks; she is as surprised as I am. Sansa is serious. And Catelyn and I burst out laughing.

"Yes, darling," I manage to speak out once I finally stopped laughing. "Some less than others, but all in all, they are truly stupid."

"That is good to know," Sansa sighs, not looking to happy about it. "May I be excused? I have had enough of war tactics for one day." She explains. At the same time, Catelyn and I nod, and after giving us a small smile, Sansa walks out of the room, closing the door behind her. Catelyn and I stay silent for a moment, until Catelyn let out a sigh.

"She grew up before her time," she tells me, staring at the door her daughter closed. "She is still a child, but in her head, she is a grown adult."

"We all had to grow up, Cat," I tell her, doing my best to comfort her without actually taking her hand or offering her a hug; she is too strong for that. She doesn't need that kind of comfort; she needs reassurance, the same way that I do. "We all had to grow up before our time. She is a strong one, thanks to you and Lord Eddard. You should be proud of that."

"And I am," she admits. "But I am afraid that she grew strong on her own, not with our help."

"Does it even matter?" I ask, making her look at me in wonder. "Whether she did it on her own or if you were the one who helped her, she is strong. In times like these, that is all that matters. Sansa has a good mind and she knows how to use it. If we were to fail, if our strengths in this war were to fall apart, at least you can know that she will know how to fend for herself. I imagine that as a mother, that is all that matters, is it not?" I ask. I know that our views might be different. Sansa very much is a part of my family now, but I did not grow up with her, I did not raise her and I most certainly did not give birth to her. I cannot think like a mother if I am not a mother, it is as simple as that.

"You are right," Catelyn nods, smiling softly at me. "The only problem is that Sansa is not my only child. We still know nothing of Rickon or Arya and Robb… I even worry about Jon. Sansa and Bran are here with us, as safe as they can be in all of this chaos. But I have others to worry about, others that might be in bigger danger than I would like to admit."

"Not yet they're not," I shake my head. "At least not Robb and Jon. Right now, they are safe in Dragonstone. Whatever will happen next, we can only suspect."

"I am worried about Dorne, Sophia," Catelyn admits. "You might be right, they could be valuable allies in this, but too many alliances… you are right. It can go both ways. If they were to approach Dorne, if they are to build an alliance with the Martells, it could be the alliance that wins us a war, or an alliance that will end us all."

"They do not want the Lannisters ruling this Kingdom, that much is certain. But I don't know how happy they would be with a Baratheon King, or a Stark King either. I don't know what they can do. I don't even know if they thought of such a possibility."

"Will you suggest it?" Catelyn asks, and I can see in her expression that she wants me to suggest it. Not an alliance, but a consideration of an alliance. After all, in all of the discussions and councils I was a part of, Dorne was never even mentioned, not even in passing.

Then again, Dorne still had a prince when we were planning our future moves.

"I will," I decide, taking a deep breath. "I will suggest it as a possible option. For all we know, they are having a similar discussion as we speak. I will write Robb tonight. Soon enough, we will know if they deem it possible or not."

* * *

 _Dearest Sophia,_

 _All is well here. Yara Greyjoy joined us the day before, along with her entire fleet. I wish you were here with us. You can read people better than I can. You would read her in a matter of moments. I tried to read her, to the best of my ability, and I think that she is genuinely on our side. It might be only because of Theon, but as long as Theon is in our hands, that will be enough._

 _Your father is doing well. As strict as ever. He asks about you. I don't want to force your hand, Sophia, you know that, but I truly think it would mean a lot to him if you were to write him a letter. He tells me that Shireen writes him all the time._

 _We will not be marching on Casterly Rock yet. We need to work out how we are going to use the information Tyrion gave us. We will be marching on it soon. We need to take advantage of them losing a commander such as Tywin._

 _I will raise the question of Dorne with your father. I don't see a need for it. We have enough men as it is, but more would not harm us. I will speak to him about it._

 _Do you remember what you have said about goodbyes? It is the same for this emptiness that I feel when you are away. I miss you more each time. And each time I leave, it is more difficult for me to do it. I have to fight the urge to leave everything and return to Winterfell, return to you._

 _I can't stand this anymore. I hate it. I want it to be over with. I just want to be with you and with the rest of our family. I need to bring this to an end._

 _I heard nothing of Arya, or of Rickon. The men I sent should be on or near Skagos. If they inform you of anything, please, write to me as soon as possible._

 _I know you are doing a good job in Winterfell, but write me. Tell me what things are like. Tell me if all is going well or if you are experiencing any difficulties. I trust you, I trust mother, but if there is any way for me to help from this distance, I will._

 _I miss you terribly. It is starting to be painful._

 _With all my love,_

 _Robb_

It is painful to realize that his words don't bring me joy like they use to. Before, I would eagerly wait for his letter. I would toss and turn around in the bed, hoping that in the morning, a letter signed by him would be waiting for me.

Now, they just hurt me, serving as a reminder that he is not here, when he could be. They only remind me of what it was like when he was here and how easily he could never return to me again. I have a horrible feeling that it will only worsen with time. I have a feeling that with each letter, I will only miss him more. I am afraid of so many things. I cannot even keep a track of my fears anymore.

I want to write back but I don't know what to say.

Nothing happened. We do the same things, over and over again. We do what we must do. It is not becoming harder and it is not becoming easier. The only difference is that I miss him more.

I don't even know anything about his siblings. The only thing I can write is how much I need him.

And at this point, I am afraid that it will only make things worse.

At least now I know that they will probably disregard Dorne as a possible option. I know more than I knew yesterday and I need to tell this to Catelyn; after all, she is the one who urged me to ask him.

She could be in one of three places. Her chambers, buried in a pile of papers. In the hall, speaking to one of our people who had a reason to complain about something. Or, in the courtyard, fixing whatever mess we had to face today. There is no fourth option. Seeing as both of our chambers are located on the same floor, I knew my starting point. I didn't have to look long; she really is here, buried in a pile of papers. Her hair was messier than usual and the circles around her eyes were slightly bigger. I wonder if I look the same now, to someone else; messy and tired. I know I feel that way.

"Cat," my voice snaps her out of a daze, and she looks up in surprise. "Robb sent a letter."

"What did he say?" she asks.

"All is well," I inform her, knowing how important it is to start with good news. First, she needs to know he is alive and well. Everything else is less important. "It would appear that they are not marching on Casterly Rock just yet. They want to know more about the information Tyrion offered, although I am not sure how exactly they plan on doing it. They will discuss the suggestion we offered, the one about Dorne, but as of now, he doubts that they will follow it through." I report it all.

"I don't understand!" she snaps, throwing the papers that were in her hands on the table, joining another pile. "Why would Tyrion lie to us? He was sentenced to death, by the hands of his family! He was going to be executed by the hands of his family. Seven Hells, he killed his own father! Why would he do anything to help them defeat us? Why are they not trusting him?"

"I think Robb is just being thorough, Cat," I offer as I sit down in one of the empty chairs. "He doesn't want to neglect any possibilities. He knows how important Casterly Rock is and he doesn't want to risk it. Can we really blame him for that? And as for my father, well… he doesn't really trust anyone, in all honesty. He wouldn't even trust Robb, if it wasn't for our marriage. He doesn't trust Robb because he has a kind heart, or good intentions. He only trusts him because they are fighting for the same thing, for the same person to sit on the throne. I doubt he will trust Tyrion Lannister, even if his words are proven. He would expect a trap." I explain. Understanding my father, or his reasoning, was never an easy task to master, but I have been doing so for many, many years. I can guide Catelyn now.

"And normally, so would I," Catelyn shakes her head. "But he killed his own father! The only person in this world who hates the Lannisters more than we do is Tyrion Lannister."

"I know that. As do they," I sigh, shaking my head. "We just have to wait. I don't know what are we waiting for, but at least we know that they are safe for now. We have our own worries, don't we?"

"We do," she nods, looking grim as she glances at the papers in front of her. "Manderly's have sent the wrong amount, yet again. And there was a flood in the kitchens."

"A what?" I ask in surprise.

"A flood," she confirms. "It is sorted for now, but the day just started."

I close my eyes, offering a silent prayer to the Old Gods, asking for one calm day. Just one. I am not asking for much, am I? I just wish for one day of peace, one day in which neither Catelyn nor I have a desire to pull our own hair out. Just one bloody day.

* * *

"Weeks have passed and everything is the same," Sansa whines, looking down at the snow that covers the ground we walk on. "No news from Skagos. No news from Robb. Nothing. Every day, we do the same. We work and we wonder if they will make it out alive."

"I know, darling," I sigh, putting my hand around her shoulders, forcing a small smile. I feel the same as she does. How can I comfort her when I feel exactly the same? In fact, I feel even worse that she does! Unlike her, I actually know that Arya was alive and well, not that long ago. Unlike Sansa, I am expecting another Stark child to make their way back home. I have more people to worry about, more reasons to keep me up at night. But Sansa is still a child, in so many ways. Can I really compare the two of us? Or get defensive when she is the one doing the comparison? "It might not be easy, but we have to do it. It will be over soon enough and when it is, we will enjoy the peace we deserve to have."

"I am home, but it is not much different from King's Landing," she shakes her head. "I don't fear for myself anymore. That is different. But I still fear for my brother."

"We all do."

"I know, but… Isn't that your friend?" she asks in surprise and when I look in the direction she is looking at, I see Gendry. I see Gendry, struggling to carry a log that is much too heavy for one man to carry.

"No, that is an idiot," I sigh, staring to rush in Gendry's direction, with Sansa following me. "Are you out of your bloody mind, Gendry?" I snap at him. "If that falls on you, you'll die, you idiot!"

"I'm not going to die!" he gasps, dragging and carrying the log. "I can do it, I'm a bloody blacksmith!"

"No, you're a bloody idiot!" I snap, grabbing the other side of the log. Seven Hells it is heavy!

"Are you insane? Let it go!"

"Keep walking!" I urge him, lifting the log up a bit more. It was too heavy for the two of us, let alone him alone! My arms are starting to shake but I keep it up, knowing that if I drop it, I will hurt myself and Gendry in the process. Sansa follows us, looking bewildered and worried. I am just as insane as Gendry is, it would seem. And I am too stubborn to let the log go, just as he is.

"We drop it here on three!" he warns me once we finally stop near the other logs. "One. Two. Three!" he snaps and I drop the log, jumping backwards to avoid it hitting me. It doesn't. As I struggle to catch my breath, Sansa runs to my side, holding me by the shoulders as if I am going to fall any second now.

"Are you out of your goddamned mine?" I ask Gendry. "Why didn't you ask for help?"

"Why did you rush to help me when I didn't ask for help?"

"Because you would have dropped it and hurt yourself!"

"No, I wouldn't! It was easier when you were not helping me because when you were, I was worrying that you were going to drop it!" he yells.

"Will the two of you please stop bickering?" Sansa asks in a loud voice and I look at her in surprise. "You're shaking, Sophia. She is shaking!" she yells to Gendry and as I look down at my arms, I realize that I am shaking. And as soon as I look up at Sansa, it all goes black.

* * *

As I open my eyes, I realize that I am in a vertical position, looking up at a stone ceiling. I hear someone move and when I look to the side, I see Catelyn, Sansa and Maester Luwin, all looking worried.

"What is the matter? What happened?" I ask, looking at Sansa. She was the one who was with me. If I remember correctly, I just fell. I wasn't in pain. I was shaking and it all went black.

"You fainted," she tells me, confirming my suspicions. "I called for Maester Luwin and Gendry carried you into the castle. You regained consciousness fast." She tells me, offering me a worried smile.

"You need to be more careful, Sophia," Catelyn shakes her head at me. "Helping Gendry was foolish."

"I know that now," I sigh, sitting up and leaning on the headboard. "I do not feel unwell."

"No, but in your condition, you must pay attention, Your Grace," Maester Luwin tells me. As soon as I heard the word condition, my heart started beating just a bit faster. I look at Maester Luwin, asking the question without words and he smiles softly down at me. "You are with child, Your Grace." He confirms.

"Oh… Am I still… Is the child-?"

"All is well, Your Grace," he reassures me with a small smile. I turn my head to Sansa and Catelyn, who were both smiling down at me. Sansa's smile was a bit brighter. I imagine that Catelyn is still angry and worried about my stupidity. Her smile grows just a little bit as I watch her and finally, I realize that she is smiling because she is going to become a grandmother. And she will be a grandmother because I am with child. Oh Gods, I am with child. "As a matter of fact, Your Grace, you are starting to show. If I can add the dates correctly, I believe you were with child even before His Grace went to meet the Ironborn."

"So… it is safe now?" I ask him. "I am further along than I was the first time?" I ask.

"With all due respect, Your Grace, I truly believe we were mistaken the first time," he reminds me. "Your moon's blood was late. You did not have a miscarriage. That is my opinion and I am a Maester of the Citadel." He tells me with a soft smile. He might be a Maester but he is not aware on how many times my own Mother was unsuccessful in bringing a child into this world. But perhaps he might be right.

"But is it safe now? Is it safe enough for me to say without a doubt? Will the child be safe?" I ask.

"So long as you do not lift any logs, Your Grace," he warns me. He was still smiling at me, but his words were very strict. "You have been tired lately, Your Grace and that log was the last drop of water your goblet could take. You need to be careful. Eat plenty and rest plenty. Other than that, everything seems to be more than well. You are a healthy, young woman, capable of carrying out a pregnancy and childbirth. Your belly is as round as it should be, this early on. You shouldn't worry. That will only harm you. Act the same way you did so far, only with more food and more rest. And no logs." He adds.

"No logs," I promise him. He nods and slowly leaves the room, leaving me with Catelyn and Sansa. "How did I not realize?" I wonder out loud. This is the second time that I did not even consider that my moon's blood was late. I imagine that I have too much on my plate. With everything that we had to do around Winterfell and with the war my family is fighting, the last thing I was thinking about is whether or not I am bleeding on time, or at all, for that matter. But Maester said I was showing. And as I put my hands on my belly, I do notice a difference. A small one, on the lowest part of my belly, but it was there.

For how many days did I get dress without even noticing it? It did not happen overnight.

"I did not want to pry," Catelyn smiles down at me. "But I did notice that you were filling you dress up a bit more than usual. Breasts, not belly," she laughs as she notices my confused look. How did she notice it and I did not? My breasts are a part of me, not her. "I did not know the first time, either. Had it not been for my handmaiden, who counted the days, I would not even know I was carrying Robb. Most of us do not even realize it, the first time. With others, I knew. And so will you." she reassures me.

"What do I do now?" I ask.

According to Maester Luwin, I have never been with child before. And even if I was, it was obviously not successful. If I had a miscarriage the last time, I must have done something wrong.

"You rest and you eat," Catelyn tells me sternly. "Sansa and I will do our best to do most of the work. You need to slow down, Sophia. You need to do your best not to worry yourself too much."

"And you need to let Robb know," Sansa speaks up. "He needs to know. He will be so happy."

"But what if-"

"Stop it!" Catelyn snaps before I could finish the sentence. "I was not helping you the last time because you left me in the dark. This time, I know and this time, I will be by your side. And you will tell your husband that you are carrying his child. And by the time he gets here, you will have a healthy baby in your arms. I will not have any negativity about this. You are a healthy young woman; you heard what the Maester said. You will not worry. You will be happy that you are becoming a mother."

It all sounds so easy when she says it like that. But this time around, I will have her. Just like she said, I will have her by my side. And if I know Catelyn at all, I should know that she doesn't do anything halfway. She will see this through with me. I will not be alone.

"Alright," I nod my head, feeling surprisingly elated. "I am with child. I will be a mother."

"Are you going to tell Shireen that she will be an aunt or should we?" Sansa asks, grinning at me.

"Send her to me, please," I ask. "I suppose I have to stay in bed for the rest of the day, don't I?"

"You do," Catelyn confirms. "We will leave you to it, but someone else wants to speak with you," she tells me as she and Sansa stand up. "We will send Shireen." She reassures me as she and her daughter leave the room, closing the door behind them. The door opens again, in a matter of moments.

I knew it was Gendry. It had to be him. And apparently, he was waiting by the door, waiting for them to walk out so that he can walk in. He walks towards me, sitting in the same chair Catelyn was occupying, looking more worried than all of them combined.

"I am alright." I reassure him. He seemed more worried than I did.

"No, you are stupid," he shakes his head. "And I am even more stupid than you are. I have let you take that log. I should have stopped you when you tried."

"You didn't have much of a chance, really," I smile up at him. "If you were to make me drop that log, you would have to drop it yourself. And if you were to drop it, you would have hurt me even more. The way I see it, you saved me."

"Sophia, you could have lost the child," he shakes his head. "Do you have any idea what that means?"

"Yes, I think I do," I mumble, looking confused. "Probably better than you do, Gendry." I add.

"Oh, you know what I mean!" He snaps, making me chuckle. "It could have been serious. I couldn't live with myself had something happened to you, or the baby in your belly. I wouldn't be able to live with myself, you would have strangled me to death with your bear hands and I don't even want to imagine what your husband would have done to me!" he snaps.

"Well, the baby is safe and in place, so we do not have to worry about that," I tell him. He still looks so darn worried. With a sigh, I take his hand and grip it tightly. "I am alright, Gendry. The baby is alright. It is all well. And you didn't ask for help. Remember? I seem to remember you shouting that at me?"

"I was yelling because I was bloody angry!" he snaps.

"Well, at least you're not treating me like a Queen anymore," I laugh when he goes red in the face. "I can't seem to recall why I wanted that? I don't really like being yelled at. Calling me by my title seems to be a better option." I tease him.

"I apologize, Your-"

"Don't even try it!" I warn him. "I was not expecting you to take it seriously. Sophia. Simply Sophia. And for the love of Gods, please stop worrying so much. I am alright. The babe is still in place." I say, letting go of his hand to touch my belly. It was still there. The smallest of bumps, but it was still there.

"I am glad-" Gendry starts but without a warning, a door opens. Shireen runs inside.

"You are with child, aren't you?" she asks me, beaming. "Sansa told me you have some news for me and that you are bedridden, but that everything is alright. You are with child, aren't you? Am I going to be an aunt?" she asks, grinning at me. I don't even have to confirm it. The moment she sees a smile on my face she jumps on the bed, right next to me and hugs me tightly.


	44. Chapter 44

**Well, here's another one from me. But first of all,** **BIG NEWS** **.**

 **1 – Guess what I did? Yup, you're right. I have ANOTHER STORY OUT! "The Lost One", a story about what would have happened if Rhaenys Targaryen survived the Sack of King's Landing. It's a JonXOC and nope, he is not Rhaegar and Lyanna's son in this one. Or Ned's. Raised by the Starks as Ned's bastard, but who is the actual daddy? Well, you'll have to read and see :) Please, check it out and let me know what you think :)**

 **2 – Holy mother of god, that finale! And holy mother of god, Jon Snow's butt! I mean… Wow. Wow.**

 **3 – This story is officially over 350 followers. If I could, I'd send lemon cakes to you all! Thank you!**

 **4 – Thank you for all of your reviews guys, all of you! They really mean so much to me! I will do my best to keep it up and update as often as I do. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Big love to all, especially darkwolf76, Crystal-Wolf-Guardain-967, CLTex and Dudtheman!**

 **Yeah, that would be it from me. See you soon, either here or in one of my other stories. "The Lost One", "Power, Pleasure, Pain" and "The Missing Pieces".**

 **I hope you like this chapter. If you do, lemme know, show some love! :)**

* * *

 _Robb,_

 _All is well. Truly, there is not much for me to inform you of. Everything is alright here, and these days, your mother and sister are not allowing me to do most of my work. I complain and I try to make them see that while I am pregnant, I am not bedridden, but in reality, I am enjoying my rest. It is only my guilt that makes me complain. I do most of the sitting work. They allow me to do that._

 _Shireen is over the moon as well. She cannot stop talking about being an aunt. I love her to death, but I am trying to hold back an eye roll when she gushes about the baby._

 _I wish I could say I am still lean and fit, but really, I cannot see my feet anymore. I put my shoes on while lying on the bed, looking like a complete fool. I am not the slender woman you left behind. Perhaps it is a good thing that you are not around to see it unfold._

 _It feels like my belly is growing day by day. I wouldn't have it any other way. Our child is growing and hopefully, it will be born healthy and strong like its father. The time has come for me to discuss names and seeing as you will not be around for the birth, it would be a perfect time for you to offer your suggestions in your reply. I did some thinking on my own, and I have come up with two names, depending on the gender. If I give you a son, I would like to name him after your father. Mine is among the living and I would not wish to burden my child with such a name. Eddard is a Northern name, and a good man carried it before. Besides, I remember you telling me that Eddard is the name you would choose. And if I give you a daughter, perhaps we could name her after your aunt, Lyanna. Or your grandmother, Lyarra. Cassana is a Baratheon name, the one my grandmother had, but I would prefer a Northern name. I will take your suggestions into considerations, cross my heart._

 _There is still plenty of time. Maester Luwin suggests two whole months. I am getting anxious, I'll admit._

 _I wish you were here, to take your child into your arms as soon as I bring it into the world. I know you would want that too. Do not feel guilty about it. As much as I want you here, you have a war to win. And judging by your last letter, I might go into labor as you charge on King's Landing._

 _I will do my best, I can promise you that. Your mother is making me believe that I can whether any challenge before me, including the one of childbirth. I will keep our child safe, I can promise you that. I will do all that is in my power to have you take that child into your arms and raise it to be a good, kind human being, just as you are._

 _It will happen._

 _And I cannot wait for that day to come._

 _Please tell Jon and Ser Davos I said hello and that I miss them both._

 _All my love,_

 _Sophia_

I smile as I fold the letter as soon as the ink is dry. I take another piece of parchment, I take a deep breath and I start moving the quill over it, writing a letter I should have written a long time ago.

 _Father,_

 _I apologize for not writing sooner. I wish I could explain myself, I wish that the explanation I was to offer was enough, but I am afraid that it is not. The truth is, I had nothing to say. I can contribute that to the feeling of hurt I have felt when you gave me up to someone else with such ease._

 _I suppose I do not blame you now as much as I did before. It did not matter how ready I believed I was. I was never prepared. I thought I was, you thought I was. After all, I have spent years preparing myself for a marriage with someone who would be a complete stranger. And I was not ready for it._

 _I suppose I am writing now because at the moment, I genuinely am happy. How can I blame you for making a decision that ended up making me happy? I care for him. I love him. I did not imagine I would get to that, not in my wildest dreams. And more than that, I am having his child._

 _Your grandchild is growing bigger in me by each day. I hope that once I deliver it, I will manage to prepare it for the role it will have. After all, my firstborn will have big shoes to fill. A father for a King and a grandfather for a King. I hope we raise this child as you raised me. Despite our differences, you taught me well. And I know you care for me, in your own way. It could have been different, but people don't change that easily. Not you and not me. This is the only way we ever knew._

 _It took me a while to find that way again and for that, I am sorry. I will make an effort to write you more often, I promise. And if you wish to reply, if there is anything you would like to share with me, I will be happy to read it. The time has come for me to fix my previous mistakes and this is me, fixing them._

 _Please give my regards to mother._

 _Sophia_

I stare at the letter longer than I should have. I wrote it, but I am still afraid to send it. It needs to be sent. It took me so long to finally write it. More than a year, it took me more than a year to write it, and now that I have finally written those words, I will be damned if I do not send it.

I ignore the fear in me, taking both letters with me as I make my way to the highest tower of the castle, to find ravens to deliver these words for me.

Climbing up stairs is not difficult for me; climbing down, on the other hand, is a challenge on its own. No one told me that being with child would limit me in so many ways. I should have seen it before, it does make sense. You have something attached to the body. Yes, it is a part of your body, but it is a part that was not there before, a part that you are not used to. It feels as if it is attached to you. I wish I could say that it feels natural; that it feels as if should always be this way. It does not. It annoys me, it bothers me and I am still getting used to it. And that, of course, in no way affects the way I feel towards the little human being growing inside me. That has nothing to do with the hatred I feel towards the belly.

I can't even put on my own shoes! I love the child in me, I will protect it with my life, but I can't even put on my own shoes without looking like a complete full, jumping on the bed while lying on my back!

And it will still grow. The child still needs to grow, if all goes by plan. Seeing my mother give birth prematurely more than once… well, it is safe to say that I have a few fears of that nature now. Luckily for me, Catelyn is there to silence me whenever I say something that might be leading the conversation in such a direction. She is standing by her words. She is not letting me go through this on my own, although I am the only one who is having trouble doing everyday tasks, such as putting on my own shoes.

"Your Grace," Maester Luwin's eyes widen in surprise when he sees me. "Why are you up here? Why would you take such a climb?" he asks me.

"Maester Luwin, with all due respect, I am with child, not bedridden," I smile at him, as much as I am afraid that I will soon become forced into being bedridden. If Maester Luwin and Cat decide to work together, I might be confined to my chambers until the child is out of me. "I can still walk." I remind him.

"I know you can, Your Grace, but the more you rest, the better."

"I know that. I have been getting plenty of rest lately, Maester Luwin," I reassure him. "I just… I need to stretch my legs a little bit. If I am inside all the time, I will lose my mind. I need to do something. Yes, I am reading and writing letters all day long, but I need to do something else. I can't be confined."

"In that case, Your Grace, perhaps you should walk outside?" he suggests. "No stairs, if possible. And fresh air would only be good for you. If you have someone to keep you company, a walk outside would be a good idea. As long as you dress well and don't stray too far from Winterfell."

I simply smile at his suggestion, knowing I have quite an entourage to choose my company from.

* * *

We are… quite the bunch. Sansa, not looking as comfortable as I expected her to. Shireen, as cheerful as ever, skipping as she follows us around. Bran, not shutting his mouth with Gendry, pushing his chair around, careful to avoid deeper snow. And me, the wobbly mess I was now.

Shireen and Bran were the ones who did all the talking. Sansa was immersed into her own thoughts, Gendry was too focused on the wheeled chair and I was just wondering what in the Seven Hells was I thinking when I thought this would be a good idea.

"Do you think you will have a girl or a boy?" Shireen asks me, smiling brightly.

"I truly do not know, Shireen," I laugh in response. "I cannot see the future. I wish I could, but I can't."

"Don't you have a feeling?" she asks me. "A guess, even?" she wonders. I hear Gendry and Sansa both chuckling quietly, probably amused at her curiosity and my annoyance by it.

"I really don't," I smile, not feeling as annoyed when I saw the smile on her face. She really is just curious. She didn't have an intention of annoying me. "I don't know if women normally guess, or if their guesses are correct, but I do not know. For all I know, I could be having two." I chuckle, even if I was fairly sure that I will not give birth to twins. Maester Luwin was fairly certain that my gigantic belly is showing normal growth for one baby, not more of them. Then again, stranger things have happened.

"Well, what would you want it to be?" Shireen persists, making me roll my eyes as I joined in on the laughter; they were all laughing now.

"Shireen, I will love it all the same," I smile down at her, ruffling her hair with my gloved hand. "It does not matter to me, or to Robb. But, for the sake of the Kingdom, it would be better if it was a boy."

I hated myself for saying it, but it is the truth. If our firstborn is a girl and we have a boy later on, the title will go to him and not to our firstborn child. The same would have happened to me if Shireen was born as a boy. She would be the heir and I would simply be a Princess, never a Queen. Well, if I ended up marrying Robb, I would, but I doubt this marriage would have happened if I was not father's heir.

As a woman, it pains me to see the world in such a way, but it is the reality. I will be calmer if I give him a son first. Confrontaitons might be avoided. Last thing I would like would be for us to live long enough to see our children bicker over a crown. No. Having a boy would sort it all out at once. And if we do have a girl, I will have a conversation with both Robb and father. Perhaps a time has come for a change. Perhaps a firstborn should be crowned King or Queen, Lord or Lady, whether or not it is a girl or a boy, whether or not more male children are born after them.

But that is a different battle, one that might await me in the future. For now, it is not my worry.

"I think you will have a boy." Shireen announces, as if she was the one who could see the future.

"I think it is a girl." Sansa speaks up before I had a chance to change the direction of this conversation.

"Maybe we should start a bet?" Gendry suggests.

"Oh, perfect, do join in, Gendry. Please do." I mumble, rolling my eyes, as all of them laugh at me.

"I say it's a boy too." Bran adds.

The four of them were making their guesses and bets as I shook my head and smiled at them. It did not annoy me, not one bit. It was nice to see them laugh. It's nice to know that something good is actually happening in this horrible time that we live in. Me having a child will not secure a victory for us, nor is it the most important thing in the world, but it brought us all a little bit of relief and it is the most important thing in the world for us. Actually, it will bring much needed relief. I just wish Robb was here to join in on the bets, I know he would have a lot of fun while listening to their guesses. Although, he made his bet as soon as I wrote to him, telling him the good news. He is absolutely positive that I am having a boy. I just hope that not all of them are prophets, because that would make my child's gender quite confusing.

"If you are done with placing your bets, perhaps we should all return to the castle?" I say once they finally grow quiet for a moment. I didn't even get to hear how much they bet on a girl or on a boy. "It is almost lunch time." I remind them.

"You seem to be thinking about food quite a lot lately." Gendry teases me.

"Well, I am eating for two, so shut up." I bite back, watching as the kids chuckle at our little fight. Slowly, we all turn around and stroll back towards the castle.

Maester Luwin was right; being outside and getting some fresh air was so much better than sitting in a room, surrounded by papers, constantly warm. Another downside of being with child: the only time that I actually feel cold is when I am outside. And I don't even feel cold; I feel comfortable, more than anything. If I am sitting close to the fire, I am boiling and I become too feisty for my own good.

Luckily for my family, Gendry is the one who has been taking the hits. And he has been taking them like a champ. Subconsciously, I must have known that I could seriously harm some of the relationships if I was saying the words I actually wanted to say. I managed to bite my tongue most of the time, but not with Gendry. As much as I consider him family, he is just a friend. And he takes my mood swings like a true champion, sometimes even offering a snarky reply, which only ends in laughter.

"We should have supper together tomorrow night, all of us," Sansa suggests. "And Mother, of course. It will be nice to continue this conversation. With all that has been going on lately, a little bit of laughter will not hurt us, would it?"

"I think that's a nice idea." I smile at her. Anything that can bring a little joy to them. Sansa and Bran in particular. With all those two have been through, I would bend over backwards, even in my condition, to make them happy. And Shireen, as always, has me wrapped around her finger. That never changed.

"Be sure to save me some leftovers." Gendry mumbles.

"Don't be stupid, Gendry," Shireen tells him, rolling her eyes at him. "You will dine with us."

"I am not sure that-"

"Mother will agree to it," Sansa interrupts him. "And I doubt anyone else might object to it."

"I do," I joke, watching as Gendry sighs and rolls his eyes, caught by surprise with my comeback. "Of course you can sit with us, Gendry. If you haven't realized that you are our friend, you really are more stupid than I thought."

"Alright, hold your horses. If you insist, I will join you." he tells us, pretending as if we wanted him there at any cost. So long as the children laugh, which they did, I am happy with any sort of comeback.

"Father always did that," Sansa tells us, smiling as she recalls the particular memory. "He would always have a seat next to him empty, and he would invite a different person to dine with him every night. A servant, a bannerman, an adviser… every night, it would be someone different. And every night, stories were told and we would all laugh." She tells us and yet again, I feel regret for missing up on the chance to speak to Lord Eddard more than I have. I have met him once, very briefly. I wish I had a chance to meet him properly, to be his wife's son while he was still alive. He sounds like quite the man.

"Maybe we can have some candied plums?" Bran asks, bringing me and Sansa back into the present.

"If we have some in the kitchens, of course we can," I smile down at him. "But we are at war, Bran. I am not sure how often we will get a chance to enjoy such treats." I remind him. We still have enough food. I should know; I go over our stocks every week with Catelyn. We are not yet rationing it, and if we start to, the plan is to inform Robb and father of it, when they will send more from Dragonstone, or if luck does not leave us, Highgarden. We still have more than enough to feed our people for a certain period of time, but if we do not have them in stock, days of candied plums are in the past. And how am I supposed to explain that to a child, even a smart child, like Bran? I shouldn't have to be explaining such things, not now, not ever. Hopefully, we will have enough. And I really do hope there are some candied plums in the stocks. It would make him happy and I would sleep better.

"I think we had some, the last time I was there," Sansa tells us as we walk through the gates, with guards stepping aside to let us walk past them. "What is going on here?" she asks in surprise and it is only then that I realize that some sort of commotion is going on. People, a lot of people at that, have gathered around in the courtyard, circled around something. I heard laughter and cries at the same time.

"Ser Rodrik!" I call, noticing the man in the crowd. When he turns around, he is smiling. "What is going on?" I ask as the five of us are standing here, dumbfounded.

"Good news, Your Grace," he smiles as he walks our way. To my surprise he looks at Bran and then at Sansa. "Your sister is back. Little lady Arya is back."

As soon as he said those words, all Seven Hells broke lose. Sansa started running into all of the commotion, followed by Gendry, who even managed to outrun her. Both of them completely forgot about their brother, he could not join their run. Thankfully, Ser Rodrik was not in the same shock as they were and he started pushing Bran's chair towards the gathered crowed. I would have pushed him myself, had I not been ordered not to push, pull or lift anything that I cannot hold in one hand.

Shireen and I stand behind, as little as two ants.

Once again, I feel as a complete stranger. I remember when Sansa returned. I remember when Bran returned. I felt like a stranger than and that feeling still did not leave me. I wonder what has to happen for me to truly become a member of this family. I am carrying one of their own in me, and it still is not enough. Yes, I am a Stark on paper and I am a Stark with Robb, but am I truly one of them if I keep meeting them one at a time? Half of the family is still a complete stranger to me.

"Should we join them?" Shireen asks and I feel her little hand grabbing hold of mine.

"I don't know," I admit. "I think we should give them some space." I say, remembering how I did the same when Bran's return caught as all by surprise. I knew Sansa was on her way to Winterfell. Cat was not prepared for it, but I was. Bran caught as all by surprise and now this.

"But isn't it rude if we just ignore it?" Shireen asks. She does have a point.

"I don't know," I repeat. "One would think I'd learn how to meet long lost members of my husband's family by now." I mumble. It has to be the pregnancy speaking out of me. I am being snarky, yet again.

"Your family," Shireen shakes her head at me. Damn it, she picked up on my comment! "They are your family too." She reminds me.

"I'm not so sure about that, little one," I mumble. "Let's go. Let's give them some peace." I say, and once I urge her with the hand she was still holding, she starts following me into the castle.

"Sophia!" I hear Catelyn's voice call after me and I freeze in place. If there ever was a time for me to be inconspicuous… of course it did not work like that. "Sophia, Shireen, come here!" she calls after us.

Forcing a smile, I turn around and I start walking towards them, still holding my sister's hand. This time, she did not need any urging to follow me. She was probably looking forward to meeting Robb's sister. And I am too, I truly am, but I am also nervous and tired of all of this. It is not the girl's fault, nor do I blame her for anything. I simply wish we didn't have to go through with this as often as we do.

"Arya, this is Sophia and her sister Shireen," Cat introduces us, and finally, when I stand next to her, I can see the girl she is speaking to. A small, skinny girl. She looks young, but I know she is not a child of ten. Her grey eyes narrow as she watches me, no smile on her face. Unlike Sansa or Robb, she did not take after her mother. I could see more of Lord Eddard in her. She reminded me of Bran, even more of Jon. Out of all the Stark children I have met so far, Jon is the one who looks the most like their father. But I can see him in the girl in front of me, who was staring me down as if I was an enemy and not a simple stranger. "Sophia is Robb's wife." Cat tells her and I am not surprised when I see her own surprise.

"Robb is married?" she asks her mother.

"He is," Catelyn smiles down at her. "They will be having a child soon enough." she tells her and I watch as the girl's eyes travel down my body, where she sees the proof of her mother's words.

"It is nice to meet you, Arya," I force another smile, breaking the silence; I had a slight suspicion that she would not be the one to speak to me first. "I heard a lot about you. I am glad that you are home now."

"So am I." she comments, nodding her head in my direction once, before turning around to her mother and brother. I see Gendry waiting for his turn for a conversation. I won't be getting her attention anytime soon, so I might as well just leave. Knowing Shireen probably won't be of great interest to her, I take her with me, walking away from the Starks and the commotion Arya's return had created.

"Sophia!" I hear Sansa and when we turn around, we see her rushing our way. As she stands before us, she offers me a kind smile. "Don't take it to heart. Arya has always been… difficult, I suppose. She is simply surprised to hear that we have another family member, with a second one on the way. She will warm up to you soon enough." she promises. I wonder if she even believes in that.

"Yes, I am sure she will," I nod my head, smiling. "Go, spend time with your sister. We will talk later." I urge her and to my relief she decides to listen to me.

Shireen and I continue on our way, into the castle and away from them. Perhaps it is better for me to be locked up in a room after all.

* * *

I have never felt less like a Stark than I did now. Shireen and I were sitting with them, all of them. Cat, Sansa, Bran and Arya, the newcomer, the long-lost baby sister who was anything but a baby. Gendry had to wait his turn; it was Arya's stories we were listening to tonight.

To my surprise, she didn't really offer any. I don't know if it is because of me and Shireen, who are still strangers to her, or if it is the thing she wanted to do, but she kept the story of her journey as vague as possible. From King's Landing to Winterfell, with a lot of stops in between. That was all she said. She did smile while she was listening to them, so that was a good sign. She seems to be enjoying herself.

I wrote another letter to Robb earlier, informing him that his sister is home. I did not give details of the warm reception I have received from her. He doesn't need to worry about that as well. And I prefer not to make an elephant out of a mouse. Sansa is probably right; she just needs a little bit of time to get used to me, or the idea of me. I can't expect her to react the same way I did. I have more years behind me and a bigger responsibility on my shoulders. How can I expect a child to react like an adult? Even if she is not a child anymore, not really.

My pigeon pie was butchered in front of me, as I played around with my fork, trying really hard not to lift my eyes up from the table; it is uncomfortable enough as it is.

"You are Stannis Baratheon's daughter?" I hear her ask and I look up, assuming she was asking me. She could have been asking Shireen, but she was staring at me.

"Yes, I am," I smile at her. "Eldest daughter and heir."

"How did you end up being Robb's wife?" she asks, her face blank.

"Arya!" Cat snaps, not too harshly. "We may call Sophia by her name, but you do not know each other. She still is a Queen. Treat her with respect."

"No, Catelyn, it is alright," I smile at Cat, shaking my head, before looking back at Arya. "Feel free to call me by my name."

"How did you end up being Robb's wife?" Arya repeats, completely unfazed by my words.

She has been through a lot. She only just got home. I am a stranger to her, a stranger that is pushed before her as family. She needs time. I need to give her that time.

"Well, it was an alliance," I tell her, forcing a small smile. "That's really all it was." I shrug.

"And you are a Stark now?" she asks me.

She has been through a lot. She only just home. I am a stranger. She needs time.

"Yes," I reply, but this time, I do not bother with a forced smile. "I am here. I am a part of this family. I might have not been born into it, I might have not been raised in Winterfell, but I am a part of this family and that is the way I see the world now." I tell her.

I should not have said that. I should have kept my mouth shut, or say something trivial. Arya's face was blank. She said nothing, she showed no emotion. But Sansa and Shireen did. I looked at the two of them. Sansa knows her sister and she has gotten to know me. And Shireen knows me like the back of her hand. They could see that I am not feeling comfortable. And I'm not, I'm really not.

"Do you love him?"

"Arya!" Cat snaps, but this time, there was no kindness in her voice. "Mind your manners!"

"No, Catelyn," I shake my head, not wanting her to feel guilty for what was going on. "It is alright. Let her speak. Let her ask. I will answer. Not that it makes any difference, but yes, I have grown to love him. And even if I do not love him, I have respect for him. I hope that settles your curiosity," I say, looking directly at the girl. Now, she was just plainly rude. I take a deep breath and I get up from my seat. "I am glad that you are home, Lady Arya. I hope you get some rest. I bid you all a good night; I am feeling a bit unwell. I need my rest." I say, pushing the chair away and leaving the table, leaving the slaughtered, half-eaten pigeon pie on my plate.

I am shaking with anger. I did my best to understand, my best to adapt to her unusual situation. What could I expect? I was pushed onto her like a new family member, someone she should care for and respect, and essentially, I am nobody to her. I was never expecting a hug, a heart-to-hear conversation or something that will build a bridge between the two of us instantly. I was just expecting a little bit of respect. If not as her brother's wife and mother of his child, then as a Queen and as a daughter of another King.

Especially because I have shown effort. If I was locked up in my room, completely ignoring her presence, I would understand her giving me a cold shoulder. This? This is just plainly rude, and I do not think it has anything to do with how Catelyn and Lord Eddard had raised her. All the other children have manners.

Seconds after I close the door of my chambers behind me, I hear a knock. I want to ignore it, but whoever it was, they knew very well that I had just gotten inside; I wasn't bathing, I wasn't sleeping. I am here, wide awake and agitated.

"Come in."

A worried Sansa steps in. I'm not surprised.

"Sophia, I am so sorry."

"No, Sansa," I shake my head, smiling at the girl. "It has nothing to do with you. Never apologize in someone else's' stead. Not when you are not connected to it, whatsoever."

"But I know Arya," she shakes her head. "Arya can be quite…"

"Cold? Unfriendly? Rude?" I offer, seeing a look of understanding on her face. "It is alright, Sansa. I have been through worse situation. I can handle a rude girl. I have thicker skin than that. I do believe she just needs some time, and once she gets used to everything… We will find a way to communicate."

"Giver her time," Sansa advises me. "Do not take her words to heart."

"I won't," I shake my head, hoping that I will manage to do so. "And like I said. I have been through worse. I've had bigger challenges than young adults who do not feel like talking."

"I wish she was more like me," Sansa sighs. "Having a different opinion is one thing, but she is rude."

"I am not insulted," I lie. Despite the growing dislike I am feeling for Arya, I do not want to have a family drama on my hands. That is the last thing we need right now. If I must, I will keep my mouth shut and handle Arya's comments, knowing that it is better that way, for the greater good. "She just needs a good night sleep. And so do I. I would not have walked away if my moods were not such a mess. We have this to blame for that." I add, pointing at my belly.

"Get some rest," she agrees. "We do not need you getting all worried about unimportant things."

"I will. Have a good night, darling." I say, which she took as a sign to leave me alone. With a nod and a small smile, she walks out of the chambers, closing the door behind her.

Not bothering to change my clothes, I crawl into the bed, feeling relief the moment my body hit the comfortable softness of the bed. I cover myself in furs, close my eyes and try to imagine just how easier all of this would have been if I still had Robb by my side.

One day. It will all be easier one day.


	45. Chapter 45

**Happy dance, happy dance.**

 **Good news. I'm doing a different POV for the next chapter, exciting times! But, now we have this one. I'll update soon (you know I always do *wink, wink*). Thank you for your continued support, it really means the world to me!**

 **Check out my new GOT story, "The Lost One". It's pretty good (yeah, I'm the writer, I can't really say that, but I am). But it really is good, if you are a Jon fan, it'll be your thing :)**

 **Well, that's it for now! Let me know what you think about this one! I'll see you on the next chapter! :)**

* * *

"Honestly, I do not understand how you could find such a person to be good company," I mumble, as I lean on the wall, twisting my direwolf necklace between my fingers. "I have been nothing but kind and she has been nothing but mean."

"Sophia, you are a grown woman and a Queen," Gendry tells me as he leans on his hammer, looking at me in disbelief. "Are you really struggling to come to terms with a moody young girl?"

"When she is my husband's sister and when she's being mean to me, yes, I am."

This entire situation is unbelievable. I try to imagine it from the side, as if someone was watching this and not involved in it. A Queen is sitting on a table in a blacksmith's workshop, weeks away from giving birth. A blacksmith is standing there, all relaxed, reassuring her that his friend and former traveling companion, who just so happens to be the Queen's husband's sister, is not a bad person.

If someone told me I would ever be in this situation, I would probably burst out laughing.

"Arya is not an easy person," Gendry tells me. "As soon as she gets used to you, she will drop her guard." He reassures me.

"She will drop her guard?" I ask in disbelief. "What is she, pure gold? A treasure? All of us need to adapt to her and not the other way around? Oh, Arya is this, Arya is that, you need to do this and you need to do that. What about her? What is she doing? Is she giving any kind of effort to get used to me? No, she is not. Backhanded comments and sour smiles. She is rude, she is not facing a change."

"Sophia," Gendry tells me slowly, looking slightly alarmed. "You are a grown woman. Not a child."

"Yes, well, I am also with child and my emotions are heightened and I do not like her."

"I can't say that I know what that's like, but I suppose I can imagine," he offers, making me roll my eyes. No man could ever have an inkling of what it is like to be with child, I can say that with certainty. I can say that even though I am well aware that the worst part is ahead of me. It would be foolish to think that giving birth would be on par with actually being with child. "Your reasons are very reasonable. But they won't change Arya, I'm afraid."

"I don't want to change her," I frown, confused by his words. "She can do what she bloody well wants to, I'm not trying to get her in a pink dress and engaged to a lord to be. All I am asking is for some… manners? If I am treating you with some respect, despite you being younger and quite frankly, of a lower rank than I am, the least you could do is return that same respect."

"Of a lower rank?" he asks, looking at me with an unreadable expression. "It's the first time I heard ya say something like that."

"It's also the first time I felt something like that," I mumble, knowing it sounded wrong, too wrong. "I do not want people to bow to me, to kneel for me. I never asked for anything like that. But respect… even without a crown, respect is a given. Her brother made me her Queen too."

"And she knew nothing about it," Gendry shakes his head at me. "She didn't even see her brother for a very long time. Give her a little time, will ya? She needs to get used to everything."

"Oh, and I simply enjoyed being thrown into ice cold water, without any warning?" I ask, raising my eyebrow at him. "We can't afford to act like children. I can't do it, Robb can't do it, you can't do it. Why can she? Why must she? Her sister grew up, it's about time she does the same."

"Why are you letting it get to you?" Gendry asks, and I did not realize that I do not have a reason for it, not until I opened my mouth to speak up only to find no words coming out. Truly, why am I letting it get to me? She is being rude, but when would I let a rude little girl affect me in such a way. The old Sophia never would have let that happen. The new Sophia… Well, she is with child.

"I… I don't know," I admit, feeling even worse when I notice the look of pity on his face. I _do not_ need pity. "I don't know anything anymore Gendry. Not what I am doing, not what everyone else is doing. Seven Hells, I don't even know if I am making mistakes every step of the way. All I know is, Arya's not being nice to me and I do not like it. I also don't know what to do about it."

"I'm telling you what you should do about it, but you refuse to listen," he tells me. The more I know him, the more I look at him like an annoying older brother I never had. And never really wanted. "Leave her be. Focus on different things; it's not like you don't have enough on your plate as it is. It will all simmer down and she will realize that you are not one of the villains."

"She thinks I am a villain?" I ask in disbelief. "Did she tell you that?"

"Gods, I am stupid." he sighs.

* * *

I am… enormous.

I never thought a day would come when I would be thankful that my husband is not going to be present for the birth of our child, but that day is here. As much as it would be a relief for me to have Robb by my side, at least he is not seeing me like this, all big and bloated. I competed with a dashing Volantene healer even when I was at my best; competing with her now would have been impossible.

And there I go again. Talisa, Talisa, Talisa. She is in Volantis, married to another man, raising another man's son and I am here, married to Robb, carrying his child in me and I still go back to the very idea of her. It's been more than a full year. It's about time for me to grow up.

The only growing I've been doing is in the belly. As if it could hear my thoughts, the child within me moved. It is a peculiar feeling. It does not hurt, it is not uncomfortable but it is simply… odd. The more it grew, the more it moved around and Catelyn reassured me that that was a good sign. I knew that as well, but with all the nudging, I thought it might have gotten a bit too stuffy in there. I smile as I put a hand over my belly, smiling wider with each nudge. It will definitely be worth it. If I need to be hideous to bring this little one into the world, I'll take it.

"What are you, little one?" I mumble, trying to ignore the part of my mind that was telling me that the child can't hear me and that it most definitely can't respond back. "Are you a boy or a girl? Knowing it would make my life a whole lot easier," I chuckle. "If you are a boy, you will be named after your grandfather, Eddard. I did not know him well, but your father loved him dearly. It will be a good name for you. But, if you are a girl… we are lost," I admit. "Lyarra? Lyanna? Cassana? Mary?" I laugh at myself.

Sophia, the babe will not speak up from your womb. Do not be an idiot.

I shake those thoughts away, walking over to grab my cloak and as I put it on, my eyes wander back to the letter of Robb's that was sitting on top of the desk.

I did not go into details when I told him about the way Arya was behaving, at least not with me. I told him that she was distant and uninterested, but I did not tell him about the comments she would mumble on occasions, or the cold look she would have whenever I caught her eye. The last thing he needed was another reason to worry. I will bore Gendry with that, not him, but even so, I had to tell him that it was not as perfect as we had hoped it would be.

He apologized in his sister's stead, despite me telling him, multiple times before, that he should never apologize for wrongs someone else did. He told me the same thing Gendry did, and that is to give her time, think of other things and wait for Arya to come around.

In reality, I have no other choice but to follow their advice. If I allow it to keep eating me from the inside, I could truly harm myself and the child I am carrying in me. And I _will not_ allow Arya Stark's moody behavior to do that to my unborn child.

Before leaving the chambers, I take a deep breath, knowing that the stairs would be a challenge, yet again. I should have taken Catelyn up on the offer when she suggested that I should use a room that is on the first and not the third floor of the castle. I thought it would be a nuisance, to move all of my belongings when I am just a few short weeks away from giving birth. I did not realize at the time how big of a challenge the stairs will end up being.

I was not surprised when a hand came to my rescue and aided me. People tend to do that, when they see me struggling to keep my balance when I cannot even see my feet. Servants, soldiers, noble lords and ladies, whoever would see me, they would run to my aid. And this time, it was Sansa.

"Easy," she tells me as she links our arms, transferring a part of my body weight onto her. "There'd better be a good reason for this, Sophia." She tells me and I almost smile at her words. Apparently, me carrying her brother's child was enough for her to treat me as if I was her ward and not her Queen. I do not mind it, I do not mind it at all! Of course, it bothers me to be as sheltered as they are trying to keep me, but I understand why they are doing so. And this is a perfect proof that Sansa is comfortable in my company and actually accepts me as family. When I have one of them acting as if I was the one who caused this damned war, it is nice and reassuring to know that another one does not feel the same.

"In all honesty, I don't think I do. I just felt like walking." I smirk, making the girl laugh.

"You are lucky it was me who found you, not my mother." She comments and I can't hold back laughter. She does have a point. Out of everyone, it was Catelyn who dotted on me the most, followed by Sansa and then by my sister. Shireen is worried as well, possibly more than the two of them, but she knows me very well. She knows that I need more space and freedom, more than they are giving me. But what can I do? I can't stop them, not when they are doing it for all the right reasons. Not when they are holding back. I know very well that Catelyn would lock me in a room and keep me there, at least until my child is more than a month old. I can't stop them. I can only take a deep breath and remind myself that it could be much worse than it already is.

"I am sure she will find me and scold me soon enough," I say, making Sansa chuckle in response. "Have you seen Shireen? I went to her chambers earlier but she wasn't there."

"She is in the courtyard, I believe," she tells me. "She was there with Gendry and Ser Rodrik, last I saw her."

Of course she is. With Robb not being there to keep up with his teaching, she needed to find a good substitute. And who better than the man who taught Robb? It would be useless to even try to stop her. I will save a lot of energy if I simply don't fight her on it and hope that she will grow out of it soon enough. Hopefully, she will give up on it before she advances from wood to steel.

"Do you want to join me, or are you busy?"

"I'd love to join you." she smiles at me. Even if we were finally away from the stairs, she still kept our arms linked. I'm not sure if she is doing it because she really likes me and enjoys being close to me, or if she is afraid that I will slip and fall. It doesn't matter, either way. I never really had a female friend that was close to me in age. And in height. There was only Matthos, and he would never hold me as close as Sansa did. I remember watching girls running through the gardens of the Red Keep, just like this. I wanted to join them, I wanted to have friends. But I stayed silent, sitting at one of the benches, always forming friendships with boys and not girls. Renly and I would walk like this, at times. And remembering him only leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, one I would much rather ignore.

"What are the chances?" I ask, making Sansa look at me in confusion. "The way things are going, Robb and my father will be attacking Casterly Rock right around the time I should be giving birth to our child. My husband could be dying while I am giving birth to our child."

"Sophia," Sansa lets out a heavy sigh. "Don't say things like that."

"Why not?" I wonder as we keep up with our walk. "It's the truth. He is at war. If he's not in mortal danger, he must be doing something wrong."

"He won't die, Sophia," she tells me. "He will be home to meet his child soon enough."

"I know, but imagine that tragedy," I sigh. "Actually, don't do it. It's bad enough that I'm imagining it." I mumble, making her chuckle. I wasn't laughing. It is a pretty bad thing to think about, not to mention that I did not even begin to consider what might happen to me _and_ our child.

"We need to find something for you to do," she speaks up. "You can't walk around for too much, so it needs to be something indoors. And we don't want you working too hard."

"What could I do then?" I ask. "Nothing physical and nothing too difficult, which leaves me with absolutely nothing. I am tired of reading books, and that is not something I ever thought I'd say. Shireen is far too energetic to be locked up inside with me. I can't ask of any of you to keep me company, you already do it, whenever you can. I'll bore Bran to death," I add, watching as Sansa laughs. Bran is a lovely child, but I can see it in his eyes how he'd rather be outside with Shireen and the rest of the children. "I am not allowed to complain too much either. Once I give birth, the child will take up most of my time. I imagine I'll be longing for a period of peace and quiet then."

"I think you're going to love being busy with that."

"You're probably right," I admit as we laugh together. "Ugh, I knew I should have stayed inside." I sigh once I see that Gendry and Shireen were not alone in the training area. Along with them stood Arya, who actually held a proper sword. My heart jumped up, before I remembered that Gendry would never allow her to use that against Shireen. And Ser Rodrik wasn't too far away, glancing at them from the top of a balcony right above the training area. He'd stop them, if he needed to. Besides, Arya doesn't like me. That doesn't make her a murderous, moody killer. She just doesn't like me.

And it would appear that her dislike truly is limited to me and me alone. I watch as both she and Gendry start laughing to something Shireen had said; I knew it was something good, seeing as my sister was beaming and both Gendry and Arya were laughing out loud. At least she likes my sister.

"Give it time," Sansa reminds me, for what has to be the hundredth time. "Give _her_ time."

"Oh, she has all the time in the world."

* * *

I was one step away from having my head fall down on the table before me. Feeling sleepy almost all the time was another part of pregnancy that no one had warned me about, at least not in time. I wanted to keep my eyes wide open, I wanted to listen to every word that was said, but it was just too difficult.

And dull. Same trouble as always: taxes, supplies, coins, more supplies and war.

Knowing that Robb will be attacking Casterly Rock by the end of this week did not help.

We did not know the exact day and I am sure that he didn't know it either. They needed to catch them by surprise. All the ravens we have exchanged so far have reached their ultimate destination, but we could not be too careful; if Jaime Lannister was to get his hands on a letter which states the exact day of their attack, we would probably lose everything we have.

It helps to know that they did listen to me, at least halfway. They will not be separating their forces, at all. all of them will go on Casterly Rock and will wait before taking King's Landing. It had something to do with a "show of power", as Robb put it. That sounded a lot like my father and not like my husband.

Add to that the constant feeling of being tired and sleepy and I can see why I felt so weak right now.

"What of the Castle Black provisions, your Grace?" Ser Rodrik asks.

"No for this month," I reply, feeling bad as soon as I said those words. "I told Lord Commander Mormont that we will not be able to do much right away. If Robb and King Stannis manage to get their hands on Highgarden in due time, Night's Watch will have plenty. But right now, we cannot afford it."

"Should we write them?" Cat asks me.

"I'll do that," I tell her. "I made the promise. I'll be the one to remind them I said it might not be as frequent as we want it to be while we're at war."

"Very well," Cat nods. "That would be all from me. Sophia, is there anything you would like to discuss?"

"Nothing at all," I smile, glad that the council meeting was finally over. "You may all return to your obligations. I will stay here to finish some of these letters. Gendry, could you stay as well?" I ask him as they all stand up. Unfazed, he nods his head and sits down.

I had no real reason for wanting him to be a part of the council. He was Winterfell's blacksmith and a friend, but that is all. Of course, if we do need to defend ourselves up here, Gendry would probably be in the first line of defense, seeing as he was training with a sword and can handle his hammer without much trouble. But that is not a reason for him to be present at the meetings. I had no real reason but despite that, no one complained. Cat actually said that is a good idea.

I suppose he could be called an adviser, even if he is often the last person I would ask for a practical advice. He is a smart man on many levels, but on some, he is the biggest idiot I have ever met. And I do love the man. I am saying that with a strong feeling of bias.

"What is the matter?" he asks once we were left alone.

"Nothing," I admit, knowing I must have a sheepish look on my face. "I'll just need your help to get up to the chambers and I didn't want all of them hearing that."

Of course he is laughing. I knew he would laugh if I told him the truth.

"I'm here to help," he announces once he finally stopped laughing. "When's the time?"

"Any day now, Maester Luwin says," I smile, putting one hand over my belly. Just moments ago, the little one was kicking around; it felt as it was stretching itself. I imagine it did become a bit tight in there. "Time really flew by."

"Are you afraid?"

"I'm petrified," I admit, smiling when he starts laughing. "But I can't go back now. Besides, it's just one more fear I need to face. An obstacle to greater happiness."

"You are unusually optimistic," he says, frowning at me. "I'm not sure if I like that change."

"How is such a change bad?"

"I don't know. I'm used to dark, sulky Sophia," he shrugs and I roll my eyes. "I'm messing with you. Go on, write those things and I'll walk you to your chambers. If you need any help, let me know."

I work in silence and Gendry waits. Of course, that only lasts for a moment or two. He starts talking soon enough and I am right back to doing more things at once. It was easy, since I'm just signing papers.

"Gendry," we turn around and see Arya standing close to our table. "Are you busy?"

"Yeah, I'm helping Sophia," he tells her. "I'll find you afterwards, yeah?"

If looks could kill, Gendry would be a dead man.

"Hello." I mumble, looking back to my papers. I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Not when she completely ignored my presence. This was me showing that I noticed it and that I will remember it.

"Can't it wait?" she asks.

"Gendry, could you leave me and Arya for a moment?" I ask, looking up at him. I could see the warning in his eyes. No, it's not warning. It's worry. "You can wait outside the hall. I need to speak with Arya." I say. Not even I can say if I was speaking as his friend or as his Queen. I suppose it was a mixture of both and I imagine Gendry is feeling it as well, since he slowly gets up and walks away. Both Arya and I watch him as he walks away, looking back at us with obvious worry. The moment the door closes behind him, Arya turns her head to me. Her stare was as icy as it was the day we first met. I thought we have made some progress, however little it might be, but I was completely wrong.

I tried being nice. I tried giving her space. I tried dancing to the beat of her drum. And I have had it.

"Please sit," I say. I was careful not to ask. I did not offer her a seat, I _told_ her to take a seat. I was speaking as a Queen, not as a pushover. And I also added the 'please', so that she is well aware of the fact that I can be a better player of the game she was so sure she invented. I have had it. No one has ever treated me in such a way, not when I was a little lady, not when I became a princess and certainly not since the day I became the Queen.

I watch as she slowly strides over and sits in the same seat Gendry was occupying, directly in front of me. No emotions are visible on her face, not even hate or strong dislike. Completely blank.

"I've tried my best to understand," I speak up as I fold the papers into one pile, purposely looking away from her. "It made sense, after all. You just got back home. You have been through a lot. I don't know what, but I know it wasn't a fun journey for you. You do not know me. I am a stranger and I was presented to you as your Queen and your older brother's wife. Also pregnant, carrying the heir of the Seven Kingdoms. It made perfect sense for you not to like me, for you to not be interested in getting to know me. I could understand. At the beginning."

"And you can't understand now?" she asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Absolutely not," I calmly state. "I don't understand anymore because I made an effort. I gave you your space. I was kind towards you. I did not try to get to know you, like I did with your siblings. That was the second thing I tried to do, after understanding was out of the question. And I gave you space, Arya. I am done with that now. I am sorry, I wish I had more strength and willpower to keep it up with this game you want to play, but I am older, I am tired and I have other things to worry about. I am not playing."

"I am not playing anything," she tells me, but for the first time since I've met her, I noticed that she is feeling uncomfortable. I don't know what she was expecting but I have a feeling that she was not expecting me to confront her. "I just don't want to get to know you."

"You don't have to," I laugh in response. The laugh is a low blow, but I do not regret it. It needed to be done. "I am not asking you to try to get to know me, or be my friend. I am not expecting you to open your arms and welcome me like a sister. I don't even need you to like me. I would love if you did, but believe me, I will survive if you don't. I have enough on my plate as it is and you would hardly be the only person that does not like me. But if I offer you kindness, I expect kindness in return. If I offer you respect, I expect respect in return. And I am not asking it as a Queen. I am asking it as a woman who loves this family. A women who loves your brother and who will give birth to his child in no time. I have done a lot of things for this family, Arya. More than you will ever know and more than I will ever say. I am not expecting a 'thank you' for it. I am expecting respect."

Pregnancy has to be the fuel. I would not say this in a normal situation, I would never say words like this if I was not a hormonal mess. Perhaps I would have a point to prove, but I would not say it like this. The good thing is that I wasn't rude. I just… said it like it is.

I am not surprised when I do not get much of a reaction to her.

"I don't know you," she finally speaks up. "How can I trust you if I don't know you?"

"How can you know me if you don't try to get to know me?" I ask. Of course, she doesn't say anything. "Do you trust your brother? Do you really think he would allow for me to have such power in my hands if he does not trust me completely? What about your mother? Sansa? Bran? Jon? Ser Rodrik? Maester Luwin? Gendry?" I ask, and as soon as I said Gendry's name, I see her eyes go a little bit wide.

Could it be Gendry? Is she bothered by us being close? No, I doubt it. It could be one of the reasons, it could be oil added to the fire, but it cannot be the only reason. Jealousy is simple. It would not take her weeks to notice that I am devoted to my husband and that Gendry is a friend. It can't be just that.

"They trust me, Arya. I have done a lot of things to earn that trust and nothing to lose it. You really don't need to spend time with me. You don't even need to talk to me too much if you do not want to. But just… be nice. Lady Catelyn did not raise impolite children. She raised good, intelligent, kind and honorable children. Please, Arya. Save us a lot of effort. If I treat you with respect, do the same."

Why did I say please? I should not have said please.

"Alright," she tells me. Just like that? Really? This is all it took? Some words said in a strict voice? Honesty? I was thinking this from the very start. Now, I've finally had it and I just said it out loud and it is all it took? "I will try. But I am not making any promises."

"I wasn't expecting you to," I smile. Out of all the Starks, she is… she is a true wolf. Sansa and Bran are still pups in my eyes, Jon is a quiet one, and Robb is… a domesticated wolf, I suppose? But Arya is a challenge. One I have managed to master, finally. "Now, if we could…" I stop talking, feeling a tug within my belly. Instinctively, I touch it, looking down at my hands. The baby moved again.

"Are you alright?" Arya asks, looking suspiciously at me.

"I think I am," I mumble. "I thought for a moment… false alarm, I suppose," I smile, taking the papers that were on the table. "I have to go and get some rest now. But I think that…" I stop talking again. I need to go to use the privy. _Now!_ I stand up, with Arya jumping up as well. "I'm alright. I just have to use…" I start, only to be struck by pain again. Holding onto the table, I try to sit down but remain in a hunched position. I feel Arya holding me up.

"Gendry!" she yells, piercing my ears. I lean on the table, with Arya still holding me up. The pain is indescribable. Nothing like I've ever felt before. "She's giving birth! We need to get her to a room."

"I'll take her!" I hear Gendry say, but my eyes are closed as I go through one more wave of pain. "Go get Lady Catelyn, the Maester, Sansa, anyone!"

I feel Gendry lifting me up and I want to stop him. Perhaps it is not good if he holds me like this, with my legs close to my belly. I don't know, maybe I need space. I want to stop him and tell him to leave me on the table, but I can't speak. All of my focus is going on trying to stop myself from yelling in pain.

When my eyes finally open, Gendry is lowering me down on a bed. It's not my chambers, but I do not care. There's no more pain, only the residue of those former waves. My breath is hitched but I can look around and I can speak.

"I think I'm going to give birth."

"You think?!" Gendry yells. If panic didn't kick in, I would laugh so hard. I would laugh at his expression and at the genuine fear with something unknown and delicate as this. I would laugh until I cried. But panic did kick in and I am starting to wonder how the fuck am I going to squeeze out a tiny human being out of me and stay alive, if possible.

"Well, pardon my ignorance Gendry, but this is my first child!" I yell. Alright, more pain. More pain. Pain.

"Sophia!" I hear Catelyn shout and by the time I open my eyes, I see all of them around me. Catelyn, Arya, Sansa, Gendry, Maester Luwin and my little sister. I look at her and I see the sheer look of horror on her face.

Childbirth is supposed to be magical, wonderful, majestic. And it's not. It didn't even start but I know it's not. I can already feel that I will scream until my voice gives out.

"All of you, out! Out!" Catelyn orders them. I have never seen her look as frightening as she did now. I am not surprised when all of them run out, all of them except her and Maester Luwin. As they exit, more people walk in. Two female healers.

"Oh Seven Hells, I'm not ready for this." I utter, feeling another slowdown of pain.

"You are," Catelyn speaks up, as she kneels on the ground next to the bed and grabs my hand. "Damn it, Sophia, you are ready. And you will do this. Now, take a deep breath and gather all the strength you have. It will not be an easy night. It will be difficult and it will hurt, but I am here. I will be here for you. Now, breath and remember that you are Stannis Baratheon's daughter and Robb Stark's wife and that you are about to give birth to your heir, your firstborn child. You will do it and I will be here."

The one moment in my life when I needed my mother more than anything else. And I have her. It may not be the woman that gave birth to me, but she is also the closest thing to a caring mother I have ever had. I need her. I need her now more than I ever needed Selyse Baratheon. I need her in order to have the strength to not be like Selyse Baratheon. I can't do this alone.

"Alright," I nod, smiling when she smiles at me, holding my hand a bit tighter. "I can do it."


	46. Chapter 46

**Sophia was in labor. How did it go? And what is the bombshell I saved for the last part of the chapter? Well, you must read in see.**

 **In other news, I will be MIA over the next few days because RICHARD MADDEN IS IN MY CITY, FILMING HIS NEW MOVIE! First he was in the capital, now he's here and I've actually been on set today (didn't see him tho). I'm going on a full on stalking mission today, I'll also try to be an extra on the movie (Ibiza, filmed in Serbia – go figure?!) but OMG OMG OMG. I'm guessing I won't be writing much this weekend, but let's hope I return with good news and a new profile photo, RIGHT? :D**

 **Well, that's it for now. Let me know what you think! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEWS! :)**

* * *

I think of throwing the sword to the ground, before remembering I am no longer carrying regular, castle-forged steel. I keep a firm grip on it as I look around and down, trying to recognize the dead.

Some of them are my own. Some of them are Baratheon, few are Greyjoy. Most of them have Lannister armor.

Tyrion Lannister might be a great many deal of things, but he is no liar. Despite the victory, I don't know if we would have won the damn rock had it not been for his letter. Sansa was right, Sophia was right. The women of my family are better at war than I am. And I can only laugh at that.

"Brother!" I start laughing the moment I hear the voice. When I turn around, I see Jon grinning at me, jumping over the bodies as he makes his way to me, crushing me with his embrace.

"Seven hells, you stink!" I turn my head away from him, hoping I will keep the food inside.

"Well, you sent me through the sewage!"

"Aye, you volunteered!" I start laughing when his frown turns into a grin. "Tyrion Lannister was right. If you did not go through the sewers…"

"We did it."

"Aye, we did." I nod, looking down beneath the walls at the dead that piled up. We lost many men, but not enough to lose the war. The idiot that is the Kingslayer did not have the castle protected well enough, just like Stannis said. It was easy, even with all those we have lost.

It will draw their attention North, that is certain. After Tywin died, they did not send an army our way. Stannis believes they are hiding in the Red Keep and if they do not make an appearance soon, I will start to believe the same. We took their ancestral home from them. I know how I felt when Greyjoy took Winterfell from my grasp. If the Kingslayer and Cersei Lannister care about their family home, their reaction will be fast and anything but gentle. We will need to be ready for it, whether our forces are divided or not.

"Go and find yourself a bath," I tell Jon, unable to take the stench any longer. "You smell of blood and shit."

"So do you." he comments as he walks away. I would call him out on that, but I am tired. I am tired of all the fighting, even bickering with my brother. The smell of blood is not helping.

It will take days to take care of the dead and I don't know if we have the time to do that.

"It is done!" I hear Stannis's voice. I look around for him, only to see him smiling. It's the first time I've ever seen him look happy about anything. He had fewer emotions on his face when I told him that his daughter is expecting a child. I will never stop wondering how a man like this could raise a girl like that.

"Not really, is it?" I ask, watching as he raises an eyebrow at me. "Not until we take King's Landing."

"And we will," he nods. "Soon. But for now, it is done."

I watch as he walks away, not saying another word, looking smug as he looks down from the castle walls. _How_ the hell did that man raise Sophia to be the woman she is now?

"Gods, I hate that man," I turn around to find Yara Greyjoy frowning at the sight of King Stannis walking away. "And I thought my uncles were dislikable."

Does she assume that we are friends?"

"That man you hate is a King," I tell her as I put my sword back in it's sheath. "He is also my wife's father. I'd choose my words more carefully, if I were you."

"I imagine you would, given that your wife is _his_ offspring."

"You're every bit a dick as your brother is."

"So I've been told," she shrugs, completely unfazed with my words. "But I believe I'm smarter of the two. Instead of spiting you, I am fighting with you."

"Fighting _for_ me."

"One in the same."

"Not if your brother's life depends on it."

She looks as if she is about to slap me. I will never know if she was about to strike a King or not; with one more look full of hatred, she walks away from me.

I need to find a place for myself before I pick a fight with someone else.

* * *

"If we stay here," Jon says, putting a direwolf figure on Casterly Rock, "And Stannis takes his men and the Greyjoy fleet to King's Landing, we can press them from all sides."

"Who will we press them if we are here?" I ask, pointing at the map. "The Reach is still there, and they are on their side. I can't just storm in there."

"They went from swearing fealty to Renly to begging the Lannisters for their forgiveness," Jon tells me. "They are changing their sides as the wind blows. If we have the upper hand, which we have had for a long time, they will turn to us in no time."

"Aye, they will," I agree. "And Stannis will not agree to it."

"Why not?" Jon asks in confusion.

"Because they were sworn to Renly," I remind him. "They chose his younger brother, over him, despite him being the true heir after King Robert's death. They chose his brother, younger brother that spited him. You shouldn't forget, Jon, we are fighting next to a kinslayer."

Speaking of kinslaying reminds me of Sophia and how much she held that against her father. Only once did she speak about her uncle Renly, having loved him more than she loved Robert, as she said. They were closer in age, I was told. With such a stern father and with the King being a drunkard who didn't even care for his own children, no wonder Renly was the only family besides her sister that she had ever cared for. She told me how she hated him for turning his back on Stannis. It was wrong and she will never forgive him, but she never wanted him dead, especially not by the hands of his own brother.

"And you trust a kinslayer?" Jon asks me.

"No, I trust his daughter," I shake my head, looking down at the map. "He would never wrong her. And even if he would do so under normal circumstances, he would never do it while she and his other daughter are in my care. As long as Sophia is in Winterfell, he will not stab me in the back."

"It's not much of a leverage when you would never harm her in any way."

"Stannis doesn't know that."

"Brother, I think he does," Jon tells me. I wanted to hit him even before he started laughing at me. "Sophia is not your prisoner and neither is her sister. But I see your point. He will not harm you, not when she is carrying the child that will inherit him one day as well." He agrees.

"Stannis will not betray me, that isn't the issue here," I look back at the map. "He will not forgive the Tyrells, no matter what they promise him, no matter how many times they bend the knee. He lost this war the day they decided to join Renly. If they had followed him, as they should have done, he never would have lost the battle of Blackwater. He would never have had to make an alliance with me. Then again, I doubt he would have forgiven him for the siege of Storm's End."

"That happened years ago."

"And he almost starved to death as it did," I remind him. "Stannis doesn't forgive that easily. We are at war with the Tyrells as much as we are at war with the Lannisters."

"He would have to follow you if you were to ally with him." Jon points out.

"You're right, but if I do that, I'd be forcing his hand and I can't do that," I tell him. "We can force each other's hands if we are equals, and we are equals. Besides, I can't ally with the Tyrells when half of them are at King's Landing, kissing Lannister ass."

"You might if you take Highgarden from them," Jon shrugs. "You said it yourself, half of them are at King's Landing anyway. Take the opportunity and force their hand, not Stannis's. Make them flee King's Landing and join you in order to protect whatever is left of them."

"But we can do it without them," I argue. "If I am to take Highgarden, it doesn't matter. We would already have the war and they will either die in King's Landing or beg for their lives as they bend the knee. I don't need their alliance now, I only need Highgarden. And Stannis never would have agreed to it anyway." I shake my head, knowing that the man was too stubborn for his own good. But he has a good mind and I believe, well intentions. He will be a good King. And unlike me, he actually wants to be a king.

"Sophia could do it," Jon tells me, making me raise my eyebrows at him. "That woman of yours convinced me to leave the Night's Watch over two days. She could walk on water, if she'd wanted to."

"She is a very capable woman, but she is not almighty," I point out, looking back at the map. "She'd have to be here. She can't travel, not when she's about to give birth at any moment. It's off the table. We fight the Tyrells until they come to us. And if they don't, we fight them until the end."

"If that's your call, so be it." Jon tells me. I can see that he doesn't agree with me, but Jon… he is more about the fight than he is about strategy. I understand that, I can be like that too. At times I wish I am more like that. But I am a King, not just a warrior, a soldier. Jon might just be the best fighter I have, but he still has a while to go before he's a good leader too. It took me a while as well.

"The problem is…" I start, leaning over the map again. "If I attack Highgarden and Stannis attacks King's Landing, we will attack them on all sides. But who will hold the North for me. Who's to say that they will not attack us from the other side, knowing what we're about to do. For all I know, the Kingslayer has them in ships already, ready to attack all the way from White Harbor to here, the Rock."

"Who do you trust most and can spare the battle?" Jon asks me.

"Yara could hold the Rock, but I don't trust her at all, not even with Theon in our dungeouns."

"Lord Tully?" Jon asks, noticing the look on my face. "Alright, not Lord Tully."

"I could trust Blackfish," I realize. The man would be capable enough to hold the castle, I know he would. Especially a castle like Casterly Rock. We won't allow for anyone to take the same road Jon and his men took. It will go back to the impenetrable castle it was before Tyrion Lannister betrayed his family. Blackfwish would be able to hold it, if I asked him to. "I could live a hundred men with him."

"Even less," Jon suggests. "You'll need as much men as you can get if you march south. Highgarden will not be much of a challenge, but King's Landing will. And you'll have to leave someone behind at Highgarden."

"Until the Tyrells change their sides again," I mumble. I could leave it with Umber. The rest I would take with me. But if I do that, I'm going to need you to go back to Winterfell." I watch as Jon's eyes widen.

"Why? I am the best swordsman you have Robb, and you know it!" he raises his voice.

"Because when we are done here, we're going to have to fight for the North. You warned me about that yourself. I don't want Mance Rayder killing my wife and child while I'm fighting the Lannisters."

Jon found the only two Kings that were willing to listen. Lannisters didn't listen, nor will they. Stannis and I did, but we have to finish this first before I have to tell my family that I will be fighting another war, yet again. If the wildlings get passed the Wall, Winterfell will be one of the first places they will hit, and a bigger part of my family is there, completely unaware of the danger that might hit at any moment.

I went North for a reason and it wasn't only to see my family and deal with Yara Greyjoy. I left men at the Wall for a reason. I'll be sending more men there as soon as we are done fighting. We will all be going there, but until we do, I can't leave Winterfell unprotected. Even when the Lord Commander and Jon are reassuring me that the chances of them passing the Wall are slim, I am not risking it.

"You will take one thousand men and hold Winterfell. If Mance Rayder passes, you will stop him."

"If Mance Rayder does pass, one thousand men won't be stopping him."

"In that case, we best hope that the Lannisters fall fast," I tell him. "Don't complain, brother. At least you'll be going home. I envy you."

"Then you go to Winterfell and send me to King's Landing?"

"And let you have all the glory?" I laugh, watching as the smile on his face confirms that he is joking. "No, brother, I'm afraid not. You'll keep them safe until I return."

"I will," he promises, suddenly serious. "Although I think she'll kill you."

"Oh, I wouldn't be surprised by that," I sigh, looking at the drawing of the Winterfell castle, down on the map. It didn't look like my home at all. "I haven't even told her about Mance Rayder."

"I know, that's why I think she'll kill you," Jon tells me. The idiot is trying to hide I smile when I look at him. "If you had married a Frey, you wouldn't have these worries." He teases me.

"No, I wouldn't," I nod my head, knowing very well that only Stannis Baratheon's daughter could give me a run for my gold as much as Sophia does. Marrying a Frey girl would have been easier but it would also be a mistake. "But I also couldn't trust another with Winterfell. If I was to send a thousand people to Sophia right now, asking her to defend it, she'd do it. I can't do that when she doesn't know the truth. I can't do that while she's pregnant, while my heir is still a baby. That's why you need to go there."

"I'll keep them safe." Jon reassures me.

"Your Grace," Matthos Seaworth walks in, bowing his head. Out of all the men that could serve as my squire, Stannis suggested Matthos Seaworth. Out of thousands of men, she chose him. Stannis was either blind to the history between his daughter and Matthos, or he tried to slight me on purpose. "A word from Winterfell." He tells me as he walks over to the desk and hands me a letter.

"Thank you, Matthos," I dismiss him, already recognizing Sophia's handwriting. "Jon."

"I'll clear this up." He tells me as he starts folding the maps before us.

I sit back in my chair and open the letter from my wife.

 _Robb,_

 _Fret not, all is well._

 _Now that you are certain that I am alive and well, I can start with the information I have to share with you. Nothing of importance, I'm afraid. Well, there are some good news._

 _Arya and I finally managed to find a way to… live together, I suppose. There is still some tension, it would be stupid of me to claim otherwise. But ever since the girl was met with a few, carefully chosen words that were fueled by my pregnancy and heavy mood swings, we have been good._

"What's so funny?" Jon asks in confusion as I started laughing.

"Sophia and Arya were bickering," I chuckle at Jon's confused expression. "Oh, come on, you know Arya. She can be like a feral cat if she feels like it. And I imagine Sophia isn't much different in pregnancy."

"And you are sending me into _that_?" Jon asks in disbelief.

"If a thousand men can't protect you from a girl and a pregnant woman, you deserve to die." I laugh, going back to the leather in my hands when I notice Jon frowning my way.

 _We are managing everything, as usual. No, Lord Manderly's younger son still doesn't know how to count properly, but by now, we are already used to sending gold back or asking for more. We managed to harvest some vegetables from the glass gardens; they did not fail us, but I am afraid that the quantity of it is not enough. We are going to need more, if we're planning to survive the winter._

 _I remind myself to be patient, knowing it will all be different once you take King's Landing but… hurry up, will ya? I'm lonely. The North is lonely. Your family misses you. I imagine Arya would have been a lot more welcoming, had you been here as well._

 _All is well, my love. All is well. I still miss you terribly, but I'm doing my job well. I'm healthy, don't worry._

 _And your son, Eddard Stark, was born last night. Strong and healthy. Just thought you'd want to know. Both of us are doing just well. Your Lady mother, not so much. I slept more than she did, but what can I say, she cares for her grandson. You can hate me for this when we meet again. Until then, I'll laugh at these words._

 _I love you._

 _Sophia_

"Now what?" Jon asks as I start laughing. "Did they get into a fist fight as well?" he asks, but I can only laugh. She did it. She really did it. _We_ did it. I am a father. Seven Hells, I'm a father! "Robb?"

How can I say it out loud when I'm still not fully aware of it? How?

"Sophia…" I start, looking down at the letter in my hand. It's her handwriting. And it is very much in Sophia's character to mention something of such importance so casually, teasing me, jesting me. It is true. I am a father. "She gave birth, Jon," I tell him, watching as his eyes go wide. "I am a father."

"A father?" Jon beams at me. I stand up as he walks over to me, patting me on the back with far too much force, smiling as the proud Uncle that he is. "Congratulations, brother! A boy or a girl?"

"Boy," I tell him, finding myself laughing at that. "A boy named Eddard."

I watch as Jon's face drops at the mention of our father. Maybe he wanted to call his firstborn that. And he can, I won't mind. Sophia wouldn't mind it either. He was my father as much as he was Jon's. I miss him as much as Jon misses him. I will miss him for the rest of my days. Every decision I make, I will question myself, I will wonder if he would have done the same or if he would have done it differently. He raised me, but he left me far too soon. I didn't learn as much as I should have. Most, I learned on my own. I was playing war before I knew how to fight one. I was just lucky to have stayed alive for long enough to actually learn.

But life goes on. Life goes on and father is no longer with us. I have a family now, my own son. My own son, little Eddard. And a wife I love with all my heart. What seemed impossible not that long ago was now in my hands. Well, it would be in my hands, if I was in Winterfell. But it is real. I have a family of my own. Soon enough, Jon will have a family of his own as well. Life goes on and the best we can do now is keep our father alive in our memory.

"I will keep them safe," Jon tells me again. "I promise."

"Good," I smile, as I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I have a son. A boy with my name, a boy that I will teach how to ride horses, swordfight and be kind to people. "I need to go and tell Stannis about this."

"Didn't Sophia write him as well?" Jon asks.

"Knowing her, probably not," I manage to laugh, stopping by the door. "I'm a father."

"You're mad."

* * *

I lift up my arms as Catelyn hands him over to me. I watch in amazement at the little creature before me. He is half asleep, with his eyes closed and his arms outstretched, wanting to grab a hold of something. He settled for the ends of my hair, making me smile down.

Little Eddard. A baby. _My_ baby.

Ten days were not enough for me to get used to the idea of being a mother, but I didn't really have a choice. It was simply here. One moment, I was still carrying him in my belly and now, I'm a mother. And I still can't wrap my head around it.

But it has been going good. Catelyn tells me that I am luckier than most, as little Ned here likes his sleep quite a bit. I still haven't left my bed, or my chambers, but I knew it would be like that. I don't even know if I could stand on my feet without any help, whether by my family or by surrounding furniture. I thought I would be more stressed, more on edge because I am bedridden, but I'm not. Some rules simply need to be followed and it truly is for the best, both for me and for my child.

"Gods, he looks so much like Robb," Catelyn whispers as she looks over my shoulder. While the sight of Robb as a baby is very much unfamiliar for me, I can see what she is saying. He looks like adult Robb too. The color of his hair is just a shade closer to brown than Robb's is. Of course, I know all babies have blue eyes, but I would like to think that Ned will have his father's eyes. Mine are plain, brown, the color of… well, dirt. Robb's are as bright as the brightest sky. I would be a shame if Ned looked more like me. "Robb also liked to play with my hair."

"Don't they all?" I ask.

"Oh no," Catelyn smiles at me. "Arya would grab a hold of it and drop it instantly. She was always different than the rest of them, even as a babe."

Well, I can't really argue with that. Arya _is_ fairly different than the rest of her siblings, at least when it comes to character. But perhaps there is more to it than meets the eye. I have only ever known Robb, Jon, Sansa and Bran when they were happy and comfortable. Well, Robb wasn't too overjoyed at the night of our wedding, but still, he was himself. Arya has been on edge since the day she stepped through the gates of Winterfell. If her siblings were filling similar emotions, perhaps they'd react the same way she did? For all I know, they would all distance themselves and be fairly quiet.

 _Now,_ with a newborn child as the main focus of our attention, things have changed. Arya visits me every day, staying mostly silent as she looks over at Ned, too afraid to hold him on her own, even though I was the one who suggested it. Still, sitting with me in silence while looking at a baby is a much better position than the one we were in just two weeks ago. I am happy, now that no glares are sent my way.

Sansa was going insane. And Shireen was pretty much following her lead. They would only leave us alone if I fell asleep in the middle of our conversation. When I'd wake up, they'd be away, but they would also return, as someone checks on us and confirms that I am awake again. it took them a full day to become the most annoying, but loving, dotting aunts.

Even Bran's heart was pulled on its strings. Hodor would bring him here every single day. All of them looked at baby Ned as if he was the most precious thing in the world. And to me, he really is, even if he had the attention of all of us. But no one cared more than Catelyn. No one other than me, that is.

I think she might have had less sleep in the last 10 days than I had. At this point, I'm not even certain as to who is ruling Winterfell while she's with me and I'm too afraid to ask. I didn't have the heart to ask her to give me some space, even if I would have welcomed it. Besides, if there is anyone I should have by my side at this time, it is a mother of five.

"You haven't changed your mind about the wet nurse?" she asks, keeping her voice low.

"No," I shake my head, talking quietly as well, not wanting to stir Ned up, even if he wasn't actually sleeping just yet. "So long as I can feed him on my own, I won't need her."

"We'll keep her close, just in case."

"Yes," I nod, knowing that would be for the best, but as long as I am capable of breastfeeding my own son, I will not be needing her around. That doesn't mean I will be taking any chances. I know how fast those things can change; by tomorrow, we might need her services. "Has there been any word from Robb?" I ask. The last thing I heard was that they had Casterly Rock and that he, Jon, father, Davos and Matthos were all still very much alive. And that was it.

"Not yet," Cat tells me. "Don't be surprised if we see him at the gates in a few more days," she laughs when I roll my eyes. In reality, I shouldn't be surprised at all if that was to happen. "I'll leave you now. Gendry's outside, he told me he wants to speak to you." she informs me. I watch with a smile as the two change places; she walks out of the room, closing the door, while Gendry takes her seat, completely hypnotized with little Ned.

"Do you want to hold him?" I suggest, already knowing the answer.

"Sophia, I'm a blacksmith, not a nurse," he rolls his eyes when I start laughing at him, trying hard to keep myself quiet, as I watch Ned stir a bit. "I'll wait until he's a bit bigger. I wouldn't want to break him."

"You wouldn't break him," I sigh, watching as he shakes his head. I'm not making him change his mind, at least not today. Men. Doesn't even believe he knows how to hold a baby! "Lady Catelyn said you wanted to speak with me? What is the matter?"

"We won't wake him up?"

"Speak, Gendry," I tell him. "He sleeps all day, every day. He can handle a bit of conversation."

"Alright," he nods and I notice that he's actually looking quite uncomfortable. The only time I have ever seen him act like this was when he was about to tell me and Robb that he knew Arya was alive all along. This can't be good. "I should have told you this before, and you're probably going to be really, _really,_ angry at me because of it, but I wanted to wait for you to conceive an heir, so it would be safe. And then, you were pregnant and I didn't want to add more stress."

"What are you talking about?" I ask, on the verge of laughter. "What does a baby have to do with anything?" I ask him.

"Oh, you'll understand soon enough," he mumbles as he looks away from me. "Just… don't kill me."

"Gendry, I won't kill you!" I snap in a hush voiced. If he keeps on talking like that, I might consider it.

"We're related," he blurts out. I can only stare. "Over my father. We're related."

I remember him telling me that he never knew his father and that his mother died when he was very young, but he grew up in Flee Bottom. How the hell…?

"Are you a Florent?" I ask, eyeing him up. "Is your father a Florent?" I search for the Florent ears that managed to escape me, thank Gods. I see nothing. Nothing on his face makes me think of my mother or uncle. But, stranger things have happened.

"I'm a Baratheon," he tells me. If I was holding anything other than my son, I would have dropped it. "I am King Robert's bastard son. We are cousins."

Stranger things have happened. They must have.


	47. Chapter 47

**Hey guys!  
Sorry it took me a while to update. I'm currently battling a MASSIVE writer's block and it's not going well for me so far. **

**I didn't even have a chance to brag to you: after a chase, I actually got a chance to meet Richard Madden. I couldn't even relish that properly, with the work and all the other things that are going on in my life. I had to remind myself that fanfiction is a hobby and not a job :( And I don't want to force my writing, since that would only give you a shittier version of my actual writing.**

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* * *

How foolish was I to think that the biggest issue I will face is convincing my family that I am perfectly fine of stepping outside my bedchambers?

It was a challenge, that goes without saying. A month has passed since the day I gave birth to Ned and I woke up today, ready for a change, knowing I would not let them stop me from it. Catelyn had a frown and Maester Luwin suggested that perhaps I should wait a while longer but all of it was in vain. They knew they could not stop me. What none of us were expecting was that I would be the one stopping myself.

It feels wrong. It feels wrong, leaving him. I am not leaving him on his own. In fact, he will be hands more capable than mine. Catelyn raised five children; it would be ludicrous to think she could not care for her grandson for a brief period of time. I know very well that he will be safe but it still feels wrong. And when I closed that door behind me, leaving the two of them alone and sitting in the chair by the window, I knew I would have to make this little excursion brief.

The care for Ned and the worry for Robb still overtake my life and my mind daily. I am starting to think that I think of the two of them even when I am sound asleep. However, there are times when my mind wanders and recently, it's been doing that quite often. I have a good reason for it too.

I asked Gendry very kindly to give me some time to think about his confession. It was a lot for me to handle, still being overwhelmed with my newfound responsibility of being a mother. I asked him to give me time and he agreed, leaving the room immediately. I have not seen him in a while now. He did not visit me and Ned after that day and I have been thinking of his words since.

I do not doubt his honesty. I would never do that. Despite the recent revelations, I know the man. He might not be just a blacksmith anymore but that does not change who he is as a person. Nor does it erase the things he has done for me since the day we met.

Not once did I stop to consider if what he was saying was the truth. That is not the real issue. The one thing that bothered me the most is him not sharing that with me earlier. I do not know how he found out, or how long he had known it but I imagine that he was well aware of that little detail the day we met. Frankly, I am hurt. I am hurt because he did not say it sooner. To make it all worse, he did the same with Arya! He knew Robb was searching for information of his little sister, _he knew_ we had people looking for her at all times and yet he still kept his mouth shut. Now he did it again.

And I must know why. The conversation is long overdue. If there ever was a reason for me to leave Ned's side, albeit briefly… this is reason enough.

I knew where I would find him even before I was in the courtyard. I walk over towards his workspace, nodding my head to those who bowed their heads at me. Their Queen has been away for a very long time but I am sure they are well aware why. After all, my belly is not nearly as noticeable as it was a few weeks ago, although it was still swollen. Another thing about being with child that I absolutely despise.

I stop at the door, watching as he hammers a sword relentlessly, bending it as if it was a piece of clay and not a piece of steel. I'm not knowledgeable about his line of work, but he seems to be good at it.

I was waiting for a few minutes by the time he notices me standing here. He takes over the mask he wears to protect his eyes from the sparks that fly with each hit of the hammer. I force a smile, still feeling flabbergasted by the revelation he made. I am well aware of the fact that he is still Gendry, the same boy who joined me on my long journeys, who offered me words of reassurance even though I was still a stranger to him. I still care for him, I still love him but what he told me… it makes me feel uneasy. And I am still not comfortable with knowing that he kept it a secret for so long.

"Do you have a moment?" I speak up the moment I realize that he is not going to say anything first. "I want to speak with you. It's been too long." I add, hoping that showing him that I have actually missed him might brighten this situation a little bit. I did miss him.

"Yeah, of course," he says, appearing to be feeling as uncomfortable as I do. "I didn't want to… I didn't know if you'd want to see me," he blurts out. I already feel guilty for having such a reaction. Hearing these words is not helping me at all. "How are you? How is the little prince?"

"Oh Gods, don't call him that," my eyes go wide at once. Everyone has been either calling him little Eddard, little Ned or little Lord. Even though a Prince is his official title, I did not hear anyone refer to him in such a way and hearing it now did not feel nice. "I want to live in denial a bit longer. I want to pretend that he will grow up as every other child, not as a future King. I am still to process it all."

"It makes sense, seeing as you never wanted the title you have," he shrugs. "Do you want to go outside, go for a walk?" he suggests.

"I'd rather stay here, I'm not sure how smart it would be for me to go for a long walk. Besides, I don't wish to leave the castle. This is the first time I have left him since he was born." I explain.

"We could go into the castle, if you want to?" Gendry suggests. "You don't need to leave him."

"Well, I kind of do," I chuckle. "I will have to return to my duties soon enough. I need to get used to not being by his side every hour of every day. Besides, I want us to talk in private."

"Alright," he says, walking over to the small table in the corner, pulling out a chair for me. I thank him with a smile and I wait for him to sit down as well. "But you are both healthy, right?" he ask.

"Oh, yes," I smile at him. "He's been doing well. A big and healthy baby boy. You can come and see him whenever you want to, Gendry." I tell him. It feels as if he needs a reminder of that.

He is his family too. Gods, we share the same blood. He is his… first cousin, once removed? If those words were from anyone other than Gendry, I would not have believed them. But Gendry was the one who said them. To make matters worse, once I knew of it, it was painfully obvious.

He looks like Robert. Well, what I imagine Robert looked like before he doubled in size, grew a beard and drunk himself to an early death. Even as he was deteriorating through the years, with me as a witness to some of it, his eyes have stayed the same. And those same eyes are staring at me right now.

I wish it was just the eyes. Gendry's stance, demeanor, face, hair… he looks like Robert, he really does.

"I will come and see him later today, if that's alright with you."

"Gendry," I start, unsure of what to say next. The whole situation is so painfully awkward and it shouldn't be like this. I don't want it to be like this, not with him. Not when he is my family. "I am sorry for pushing you away that day. I needed some time to process everything that you have said to me. I… I did not mean to be rude and I hope you realize that I feel nothing like that. I just… I needed some time to accept all of what you said to me."

"And have you accepted it?" he asks me. I want to confirm that I have, but words fail me. I just stay silent. "Sophia, I am telling you the truth. I would never lie about something like that. I would never lie to you about anything." He jumps up to defend himself.

"Gendry, I trust you," I interrupt him, not wanting to see him so agitated. "It's not a question of trust. I know you were telling the truth. Seven Hells, I'm looking at you and I can't unsee the truth. It's truly not a question of whether I trust you or not. I just needed time to accept the truth."

"It changes nothing, Sophia."

"It changes everything," I say, shaking my head. "Well, it doesn't change the way I look at you. I already considered you a family member before. Now I only have my confirmation." I offer a weak smile.

"You are not angry at me?" He asks me with his voice full of doubt and I smile softly as I shake my head.

"No, of course not," I tell him. "I am, however, extremely angry about you keeping it a secret for more than a year, but we will discuss that afterwards," I add, not at all surprised as I see the color leave his face. I doubt he thought about that when he decided to give me his little confession. "I've been thinking since that night, I've been thinking a lot and the only thing I can come up with are more questions." I admit, still feeling immense guilt. I am asking him to help me settle my doubts while he must have more than enough of his own. If I have questions, Gods only know how many questions he has.

"I'll answer," he shrugs. "Whatever it is you want to know, if I know it myself, I'll answer."

"Your mother?" I ask, watching carefully to see if he reacts to it. I never asked about his mother and if he finds that to be a sensitive topic, I would rather avoid it. He nods his head and I do not see sadness on his face. I can ask, at least I think so. "Who was she? What do you know about her?" I ask him.

"She had light hair," he shrugs, looking down at his hands that were resting on the table between us. "That is all I remember. I don't know if she was a whore or just… a worker, a wench or something. I imagine that she was a whore, where else could he have found her?" he wonders out loud.

"Don't let that… ruin your memory or opinion of her," I tell him. "My mother is a Lady from a noble house, now a Queen, and she's still a horrible person. What someone was born into should not define them. Look… look at Robert, for example. You didn't know him, I don't know if you ever even saw him with your own two eyes but he was… he was not a kind man. He wasn't a good King either. A highly capable warrior, that goes without saying. But that doesn't change the fact that he was a broken man."

"I've heard rumors but… You grew up with him."

"Not exactly," I admit, feeling that saying it like that would be an unrealistic description. "I would stay at King's Landing for weeks at a time but I did not exactly grow up with him. My father, he and Robert did not get along well. They were very different. Where my father is disciplined, Robert was not. There was never a single whore on Dragonstone. And Robert would never have considered banning whoring. It's a simple example but it goes to show just how different they were. He never really wanted to be a King. He ended up being a King simply because the road to revenge had led him there. I think that he was a very unhappy man. It was sad to watch. He was not kind, never gentle. Not to me, his niece, not to his… well, supposed children. Then again, as I said, he was an amazing warrior. For hundreds of years to come, we will all listen to songs of his victories. He had flaws, like all of us. It just so happens that he had more than most. And they eventually ended him."

I am careful in choosing my words. I do not want to lie to him, to say untrue things just to make him happy. He deserves the truth and after all, he grew up in King's Landing; I am sure he knew plenty of this even before I shared it with him. But I also imagine what it would be like to know of my father only through someone else's words. It is not difficult for me to imagine that a part of Gendry started idolizing Robert the moment he found out the truth. It's not a small thing, to find out that you have king's blood, that you are the son of the King, bastard or not. His mother might have been a whore but his father was King Robert Baratheon, King of the Seven Kingdoms. Gendry might have both of his feet firmly on the ground but knowing something like that… it might change it. As much as I don't want to see that happen, I also do not want to shatter the image he might have of Robert. That and not wanting to lie makes it next to impossible for me to find a middle ground. But I do. I tell him the truth but I am choosing my words with care.

"He… he might be my father but he is not really my father," he shakes his head. "I grew up without him. He was never there to teach me anything. I was not made his heir. I had nothing from him. I doubt he even knows I existed."

"But someone did?" I ask. He had to find out somehow.

"Yes," he admits, looking nervous. He did not look nervous before. "Lord Hand, Jon Arryn. He was the first one. Then Lord Hand, Eddard Stark."

"You knew Robb's father?" I ask in surprise.

"Yes," Gendry nods his head. "He visited me, offering no explanation. He said to my master that he should come to him if I am in need of anything. Never said anything else but I know that he knew. He had to. When he was executed, my master sold me. I ended up in the group they were taking to the Wall. That is how I got to know Arya. And along the way, your husband too." He tells me.

"But how did you find out the truth?" I ask him. "How long have you known it? Did you know it all along, before you met me?" I ask and he nods his head, again staring at his hands. "Why haven't you told me this earlier, Gendry? I am a Baratheon. You should have told me before." I sigh.

"I couldn't," he shakes his head as he looks up at me. There isn't a trace of doubt on his face. "The boy King was a Lannister. So is the one that is the King now. They killed all the other bastards. I am the last surviving child of King Robert Baratheon. I might be a bastard but I am still his son."

"Which is why you should have told me of this before," I interrupt him, sounding as a mother that is scolding her son. In a way, that is exactly what I am doing. Only I am scolding my cousin. "It was dangerous for you to walk around knowing such information. You should have told me or Robb. We could have kept you safe."

"From whom? From you?" he asks.

"I don't understand." I admit.

"Your Father's claim rest solely on the fact that Robert had no children," Gendry tells me. "If he had a chance to kill me, he would grab it in the blink of an eye."

"No, he wouldn't."

"Sophia, he would and I think you know that very well," Gendry snaps. He takes a deep breath. "I do not trust him. But I do trust you. Which is why I told you. And the reason I waited is because you and Robb did not have an heir. Once you have an heir, it would all be settled as your child would inherit the crown and unite two separate Kingdoms. I could fall behind, stay in my shadow. I needed you to have an heir before I told you something like that. I wanted to tell you when you were with child but I know that the Maester said you should avoid stress and worry and telling you that I am your cousin would bring you just that. So I waited for you to give birth. It wasn't safe for me before. I don't want anything. I don't want for someone to acknowledge me as a trueborn. I don't want a crown. I don't want it. I am perfectly fine with you having it and your children after you." he tells me.

It doesn't feel nice to admit something like that but I am afraid that he is right about Stannis and what he would have done had he known the truth. I could stand here and defend him until nightfall and it still wouldn't erase his mistakes. He is a kinslayer. No matter the good he does, he will always remain a kinslayer. And if he was capable of killing his brother, a brother he grew up with, what could stop him from killing a bastard son of a brother he did not love? He would have killed Gendry. He would have done it without blinking. No wonder Gendry felt the need to keep his mouth shut.

"It would seem that you are not the only one that is disappointed in a parent," I mumble, turning my eyes away from him. I have a difficulty of accepting Stannis's flaws, especially in front of someone else. I have respected and idolized him for many years. I always knew that he is but a man, of flesh and bone, fashioned to make mistakes just like the rest of us. At times, it seemed impossible that the man that was my father could do something so… trivial as making a mistake. The older I get, the more I know. The more I know, the more I am disappointed. And the more I am glad to be different from him.

And Gendry was afraid. He didn't speak up because he didn't trust me. He kept his mouth shut because he feared that opening it would be his end. Now I know he trusted me. It was the complete opposite from what I first thought. I was hurt by his lack of trust in me but now I realize that he shared something so big, something so important with me. He trusted that I would never use that against him, that I would never use that for my own gain. And I will not.

I have never been power hungry, I am not power hungry now and neither is my husband. I imagine that at some point, I will have to inform him about this. As much as I care for Gendry, I cannot lie to Robb about such an important piece of information. However, I will not offer it just yet. Not until my father sits on the throne. And even then, I will make sure he never finds out. It is not difficult for me to imagine that even with a crown on his head, he would still harbor insecurities and have Gendry… eliminated.

"Many things might remain a mystery, but I do understand some of it a bit better," I mumble, smiling down at the table before us. I look up at him, only to find him looking extremely confused. "Now I know why you and I bicker so much. I thought it was because we were on the road, or perhaps because both of us always speak what's on our mind without giving it much thought. While that still might be true, I think we are always bickering because we are related," I tell him, feeling all warm inside when he beams up at me. "If things have been just slightly more different, you and I would have grown up together. You could have been the annoying older brother or cousin I never really wanted. Which is the role that you have been filling for a while now, isn't it?" I wonder, chuckling at the idea of it.

"I see you in that way," he admits. "I knew all along, but I did not… it took a little while, to care for you in such a way. We might never be a family by name, but I will always look at you like a little sister, equally as annoying as you find me," he tells me, making me chuckle. "And I would kill anything and anyone that would dare and harm you and that little one."

"We are family," I say, reaching out my hand to grab his. "We were a family even before I knew we share the same blood. It doesn't change us. If anything, it makes the connection even stronger. We will not say a word, not until you want us to," I say and watch as he nods his head. I didn't offer an explanation as to who I am referring to when I say 'we' but I imagine he knows it very well. Whether I would like that or not, I will have to share this with Robb one day. "You will be safe with us."

"Just please, don't tell your father."

"I won't," I reassure him, knowing that I will keep my promise, no matter how difficult it gets. "I will not say a word to him, not unless you want me to."

I am not risking his life. Not Gendry. The young man who made me laugh when it was the hardest, who worried for me and who kept me safe when he joined in on my foolish ideas. I will always owe him for everything he has done for me and for my family. The least I can do is to not offer this information to my father. Especially if it's what keeps Gendry alive and well. Shireen, father, Gendry and I. We are the last Baratheons left. I took on another name and so will Shireen. Father will not have any more children. And Gendry doesn't have the Baratheon name. Our house might face extinction but our blood will survive.

* * *

It is amazing what babies do. They can melt even the coldest of hearts. You look at them and simply can't fight the urge to smile at them, to laugh when they make a face or let out a noise.

I am sitting on the bed, watching how Ned is doing that to Jon. Jon went from a brooding and serious young man to a goofy uncle in a matter of moments. He is smiling down at his nephew, his smile only growing when Ned reaches out his little hand and wraps it around Jon's finger. Jon looks at me in wonder.

"Yes, they tend to do that." I reassure him, smiling when Jon slowly started moving his arms, looking as if he was going to lull Ned to sleep. It truly is touching and in a normal situation I would try hard to memorize the look of my husband's brother as he holds his nephew for the first time.

But this is not a normal situation.

Jon is here and no one even told me that he would be returning. Robb did not share such information in a letter. I understand that that could have been a risk but I was expecting a warning. No one told me anything. And to make matters worse, Jon did not return alone. Hundreds, if not one thousand men were with him when the gates opened.

My husband sent his own brother away, one of his best men and an important part of his council. He sent him away weeks before the planned attack on King's Landing. He sent him away as soon as they won Casterly Rock. And he brought men with him.

They are not telling me something.

"He looks so much like Robb." Jon comments, still staring at Ned.

"Thank the Gods for that," I chuckle, watching as Jon rolls his eyes at my comment. "Hopefully, Robb will see him soon enough. He is growing so fast. It has been… two months? He's already bigger and more aware of the world around him. I wish I had a way to slow it down. I don't want Robb to miss it all. I don't want Ned to walk and talk before his father even lays eyes on him," I mumble. I should not have said it. The moment I start talking about it, the moment those thoughts enter my mind, I am lost and I feel a great sadness I can't escape. "I know it, I know everything. I know it's not his choice and I know that there is nothing we can possibly do but still, I just… I wish he was here." I admit.

It's not about me anymore. Yes, I miss him terribly and I will miss him until the day he returns but we have a child now. I do not want my child to grow without a father. I don't want Robb to miss out on the joy that Ned gives me. I want Robb to be here to watch Ned grow, to hear his first words and see when Ned stands for the first time and makes his first steps. Not knowing if my son will have a father at the end of this war, not knowing if Robb will ever have a chance to be a father… it is horrible.

"He will be here," Jon reassures me, finally looking my way and not at the babe in his arms. "He was so happy when he heard the news. He wanted this over before, he still wants it over, now more than ever. He wants to get back to the two of you and he will." He tells me, without a trace of doubt in his voice.

"Jon, why are you here?" I ask, watching as he stares at me blankly, not showing any emotions on his face. "We are glad to have you back, do not doubt that. I am happy you got to meet your nephew. If I could, I would keep you safe until the war ends but why are you here? Why now?"

Jon doesn't seem like a good liar. And he would need great talent to fool me. Normally, I could be blind to it but I can't be blind to it now. He knows something I do not know and that means Robb and possibly Father, know it as well. If they know it and I don't, it's because they don't want me to know.

If he showed up alone, I would have believed it to be a simple decision, with no hidden meaning. The number of men that followed him here was too big for it to be a simple decision with no hidden meaning.

"You and I have never talked about the situation beyond the Wall, have we?" he asks me.

"No," I shake my head, confused with the direction this conversation is heading in. "I only know what Commander Mormont told me when I went to the Wall to get you. I know that the wildlings are a big danger and that the Night's Watch can't fight them with the funds they have."

"Funds are not enough," Jon shakes his head, still rocking Ned in his arms. "I've been beyond the wall. I lived with them for a period of time. I will tell you all about that later," he tells me, probably noticing the look of surprise on my face. "A man called Mance Rayder is gathering all the Wildlings with the plan of crossing the Wall. If they keep following him, they will do just that. Robb can't leave Winterfell unprotected. He can't leave his family unprotected and neither can I."

"But… he can't fight two wars."

How? How is this possible? The moment I start to believe that we are close to eliminating a threat, a giant threat that has been looming over us for years now… Now this? Another war, another front?

Will we ever have a peaceful life? Will I ever just… be a mother and a wife and nothing else? No, I won't. I will be Lady of Winterfell, I will be Queen in the North and when my son becomes the King of the Seven Kingdoms, I will be Queen Regent. I have given up all chances for a peaceful life the day I married Robb.

"He won't," Jon shakes his head. "He won't do that. He will win, your Father will become King and then we will deal with Mance Rayder and the forces beyond the Wall."

"Then why are you here?" I ask, jumping up on my feet. "Why are you here if there is no danger? If you want to make me believe that we are all safe, you're doing a poor job!" I snap. I watch as Ned stirs in Jon's arms, obviously reacting to the noise that I was making. I can't be quiet and have a nervous breakdown at the same time but I also can't get my baby riled up. "Now is not the time for you to play this off as something irrelevant, Jon. You wouldn't be here if we weren't in danger. So stop pretending like we are not in danger!"

"We are not," he slowly speaks up, lowering his voice even more. "Not an imminent one. I am here… I am here in case something happens. I am here to make sure that you all will stay safe until Robb returns. I am here to help if Mance manages to do something. And once Robb gets back to you, we will deal with the threat, just as we have dealt with all the others."

"It's about time you all accept that we're going to die," I shake my head. "I know I have."


	48. Chapter 48

**Well, it took me a LONG TIME to get this one out. For one, block. It's still there, I'm still fighting it but I'm not sure how long it'll take me to give you a new chapter.**

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* * *

 _Sophia,_

 _Why are you not writing to me? I know all is well. Everyone else seems to be writing, apart from you. I know Jon is there, I know Eddard is doing well and I know you are too._

 _Why are you not writing me?_

 _I am starting to get worried. Please, just… write._

 _With all my love,_

 _Robb_

"What is it?" Shireen asks in response to the ironic laughter I could not hold back.

"Nothing, love," I shake my head at her as I throw Robb's note into the fireplace. I watch as it slowly turns into dust. "I am just wondering how someone can claim to love someone and yet, they do not trust them with vital information." I add, unable to stop myself on time.

"Are you talking about Robb not telling you about the wildling army north of the Wall?" she asks and I turn to look at her, wide eyed. She looked completely unfazed, as she smiles down at her little nephew she is holding in her arms.

"Did everyone know about that apart from me?"

"No, not really," she shakes her head. "Jon told us about it yesterday at lunch."

"Oh. Did he also tell you his brother is an idiot?"

"No, but you did," she laughs. And now she is laughing at me. "Did you stop to consider that this is the very reason he did not want you to know?" she asks me.

"I am angry because he didn't share something of importance with me," I shake my head, feeling the annoyance in me grow. She's a child, she doesn't understand just how important this information is. I had to know it. He should have told me about it the moment he found out and that is final. I may step away from my anger and decide not to focus on it anymore but that doesn't make his decision the right one. He never should have kept that from me, not even with the excuse of me being with child and him wanting to protect me from unnecessary stress. "I wouldn't be angry if it was aware of it."

"Gendry says that women will always find a reason to be angry, even when there is no reason."

"Well, Gendry's an idiot too."

As much as I want the two of them to bond, now that I know that next to Father, Gendry is the only family we have left, I would prefer if Gendry was to keep his opinions to himself. Shireen is still young and I do not want her to listen to misogynistic comments that come out of our cousin's mouth. Even if those very things might be true. And comical.

"I'm not talking about anger, Sophia," Shireen smiles up at me. "I'm talking about worry. You are one step away from your hair going gray. Ever since we have left Dragonstone and even before that, all you have done was worried. About us, about them, about the weather… do you ever just stop and take a deep breath and remind yourself that you should not worry so much?"

"I don't," I answer her honestly. If she is smart enough to reason with me in such away, she is also smart enough to understand the truth. "I can't afford to do that. I can't afford to be just a girl anymore. I wish I could, but I can't. Because I am a mother now. I am a wife, I am a sister, I am someone's family and more than that, I am a Queen. I wish I could run away from all of that, even for the briefest of moments but the truth of the matter is that it would follow me, wherever I would try to go. So I don't stop. And I worry because the moment I think we are getting close to ending this whole mess we never should have stared, more problems arise and we just go right back to the start. If we're not even farther from it than we were before."

"And your worry helps us how?" Shireen asks, raising her eyebrow at me.

"Shireen, you are my sister and I love you dearly but do not even try to patronize me," I tell her in a warning voice. I am not going to take this from people who have years of life behind them and I am certainly not going to take it from a little girl, no matter how much I love her. "It does not work like that. I cannot blow it out like a candle, nor can I light it like a candle. I cannot affect it. The best I can do is to keep it in me and save others from it. But I cannot stop it from affecting me and you certainly can't make me do so with a few chosen words."

"Don't take it out on me," she tells me. I try to ignore the look of disappointment on her face but it proves to be difficult. "You always do that."

"I do not."

"Well, you've started to do that quite often," she fights back as she gets up from the bed, still holding Ned. She walks over to me, watching her step and hands him over to me. "It would be nice for you to remember that none of this is my fault." She announces. The look on her face makes her seem older than she actually is.

"Shireen…" I try to reason with her but she turns around and starts walking towards the door. "Shireen!" I snap as loud as I can, considering I have a babe in my arms but there's no use. She is out the door, making sure to slam it as she closes it.

With everything that is going on, now I have _this_ to deal with.

"She has a temper," I mumble as I look down at my son. I wonder if all babies seem to have a permanently confused look on their tiny little faces. "She has _my_ temper," I correct myself as I realize that I know one more person who would react in a similar way. "Let's hope you don't get it too. Your Pappa might be a wolf but I am the one with a temper. It would be good for you if you are more like him," I sigh, shaking my head as I realize that I am speaking to a newborn. I am losing my mind.

* * *

To say that I was doing my best to avoid Jon would be an understatement. With Ned, I had the perfect excuse. No one would be expecting a new mother with a newborn babe to be running around the castle, completely dedicated to her obligations.

Ned truly is the perfect excuse for me. When I am hidden away in my chambers with him, I do not have to be the one who is in charge of Winterfell, let alone be the Queen in the North. With him, everything is simpler. I am only a mother. A mother who is yet to get used to the idea of being a mother but a mother nonetheless.

I wish I can stay here, hidden away for longer but I truly can't. And as much as I would like to avoid Jon and the words he might say to me, I can't afford to do that.

I am angry at him and Robb for keeping the truth away from me, yes. But I am not going to stay locked in my room and sulk about it. I will do the only other thing I can do: I will make them tell me everything. Robb is a lucky man, seeing as he is too far away to face my wrath but Jon will do just as well.

He seems to be well aware of what is coming for him, because he looks uneasy when he opens the door to his chambers and lets me in. We have been sitting in silence for a while now, neither one of us able to break it. Jon always was a man of few words. I, on the other hand, could bang on about it for hours.

"What hasn't the Lord Commander told me the truth?" I ask him. I see the surprised look on his face. Whatever question he was expecting this is not that question. "When I went to get you from the Wall. I spoke to him and I thought that he was an honest man. He told me the truth about the horrible situation that the Night's Watch is in and I have promised to help. If he had told me about the danger from beyond the Wall, I might have offered more help. But he chose to keep it a secret from me and ever since I have learned about the wildling army I can't stop wondering why."

"I can't say," Jon tells me. My eyes narrow, wondering if he's telling me the truth or not. I have no reason to doubt him on this, other than the fact that he didn't tell me some very important things before. But he wouldn't lie about this. At least I don't think he would. "Perhaps he didn't wish to worry you."

"Worry me?" I ask, raising my eyebrows. Is he being serious or is he making fun of me.

"Sophia, I truly don't know," he shakes his head. Now he looks agitated. "Lord Commander Mormont has a mind on his own and I did not have a chance to look into it. We were hardly expecting you to show up at Castle Black, so if you are implying that I had told him not to say a word, you are mistaken."

"Actually, I'm just curious," I say, watching as the agitation leaves his face. I have managed to win one over him without even realizing what I was doing, let alone trying. He was agitated because he thought I was attacking him and now that he sees that it's not what I was doing, he seems… surprised. "Jon, I am not here to yell at you. I might be angry but I am hardly insane."

"I don't think you're insane but you have that look," he tells me. Again, I raise my eyebrows and to that, he points at my face. "That right there. You look as if you could sink your teeth into my neck and pull out my jugular. I trained you in sword fighting; you'd know where to cut."

"I might be angry Jon but rest assured, I will not try to murder you," I roll my eyes. "I'm not even half as angry at you as I'm angry at Robb."

"Oh, I know," Jon speaks up fast, seemingly regretting those words as soon as he spoke. "He might not be the brightest but he can tell that something is wrong. He actually wrote _me_ to ask why _you_ aren't responding to his letters."

"And what did you say to that?"

"Nothing," Jon shakes his head. "I've already wronged you once and I don't wish to repeat that. Like I said, he's not the brightest but he'll soon realize what's the source of trouble between you."

Robb is not stupid but I am too angry at him now to actually stand up in his defense. Not to mention that in some situations, his stupidity did make an appearance. Most of the time, he does not show it but I will never forget the time when he though it would be a good idea to get under Walder Frey's roof after he had betrayed him to marry me. As much as the part of me that loves him dearly once to stand up in his defense, the rational and fairly angry part of me knows that Jon has a point with this. The decision to not tell me about an entire Wildling army will not go down in history as his brightest.

"It's more than that, Jon," I shake my head. There will be no winner in this discussion and I am starting to think how there will be no winner in these wars either. Before, I could at least see that there was a strong possibility of us winning. Now, if we win one war and jump into another one right away, I do not see that happening. I simply don't. "It's not about me being angry. It's not about me at all, not in any way. It's not about me, it's not about you and it's not even about Robb. All of us, we are like… like ants, as irrelevant as we are small. We mean nothing."

"I don't think you have enough faith in him," Jon tells me. I can't tell if I should be insulted by that or not. "I know you love him, that is clear as day. So why don't you trust in him?"

"Love and trust don't always go hand in hand, Jon," I shake my head. "Neither do hope and common sense. I want it, with all my heart. I want to believe that he is capable and strong enough to do it all but I can't. I can't because my common sense is stopping me, because I don't think that even Aegon bloody Conquer with his dragons could stop it, let alone Robb Stark! And don't get me started on Stannis Baratheon! They are both capable men and I love Robb deadly but… you could never understand. I couldn't understand it before. Only when you have loved someone, you understand."

"I have loved before, Sophia," he tells me. I don't think I manage to hide my surprise. "I loved her, despite not wanting to. I loved her despite all the denial and all the common sense you keep talking about. I loved her and I fought her kind and then she died in my arms. I understand it far better than you think."

I can't… I have so many questions. What Jon had just told me multiplied the number of questions I had to the point of them being uncountable. I want to know what had happened and I want to tell him that I am sorry but I know that this is just no the appropriate time for that. Whether I like it or not, Jon had used words that had managed to completely shut me up and drown all of my arguments.

"Robb is going to attack King's Landing in a matter of days," Jon speaks up once he realizes that I am unable to say anything coherent. "I know you might be angry and I know you might believe that at this point, we are all living on borrowed time but I believe in him and so should you. If anyone can do it, it is Robb. And if he can't… believe me when I tell you this, you don't want him dying not knowing if you love him and forgive him. If you end up living with that burden, you'll be just as dead as him."

* * *

I wasn't too surprised when a raven was not waiting with a letter from Sophia when I woke up this morning.

At first, I was worried, wondering what might have caused her sudden silence. Once Jon had sent a word and explained _exactly_ what was the reason behind it, I was only left with worry.

I didn't expect her to react in such a way. If I had known she would ignore my letters completely, I would have shared the information with her before. The only reason why I did not say it before is because I did not want her to worry about that as well. She already has plenty of things to deal with, too much even. I didn't want an army that is leagues away to give her sleepless nights, especially when she was with child and a 700 feet tall Wall is keeping them from getting to our lands.

They are not a serious threat, not yet. Why should she worry about something that is not as serious?

Any other woman would have been thankful for me keeping that from them, for sheltierng them. Any other woman but Sophia. If she's not up to speed with everything, she doesn't function properly. Mother told me, before I had left Winterfell. Even the things she was in charge of, Sophia still inquired about, wanting to know if it is all going by plan. As Mother had said, at first it appeared as if Sophia did not trust her ability and was questioning someone that has far more experienced than Sophia herself is. Then, she realized what Sophia was actually trying to do; watch and learn. She wanted to know.

Any other woman would have respected my decision, but not Sophia Stark. And I am not married to any other woman, am I?

No matter what I do or how I act, I still end up being the stupid one. It's always me, I'm always the one who puts us in a bad position. And once again, she's probably writing all of her thoughts and opinions in a stupid notebook, instead of sharing it with me, like she should have. No matter what I do, I keep pushing her away. And I can't even fix the wrongs I have done, not when I am hours away from battle.

Stannis and most of his men will board the ships at dawn. By nightfall, they will be close to King's Landing and in the dead of night, we will attack them at both sides. It all comes down to this one battle, this one moment and one decision. All we are fighting for depends on this one night, one battle.

And all that I am fighting for doesn't wish to write me anymore.

I have heard people say it before but I have never really believed in it. They say that everything changes once you have a child, that you change when you become a parent. I have a son now. I know he is well, I know his name but I have never held him in my arms. Just knowing about his existence had changed it all for me. I am no longer fighting for the sake of putting a war to the end, finish what we have started. I am fighting because I want my son to not do that one day. I want him to live out his life in peace, to not lose half of his family, like both his mother and I have.

I am no longer thinking about my own life, I am thinking about him. Them. I can only imagine how it must feel for Sophia, who actually gets to hold him in his arms and watch him grow up.

I need to survive this battle. Not because I am not ready to meet death, not because I have promised Sophia that I will get back to her but because I _need_ to hold my son before I meet my end. I can't leave them. And I won't. Even if I have to cut through a thousand soldiers, kill men who have families and loved ones to return to, kill all the Lannisters that are left and make them pay for what they have done; I will do it all, if that means that I will get to be a husband and a father and live out my days with them.

Once I do that, I only need to get my wife to speak with me again. Which might just end up being a bigger challenge than the entire Lannister army.

"Come in," I mumble when I hear a knock on the door. Matthos walks in, bowing his head.

"Your Grace, King Stannis wishes to speak with you." he tells me.

"I'll be right there," I sigh, standing up from behind the desk. "Matthos, have there been any ravens from Winterfell?"

"No, Your Grace," he tells me. Why did I even ask? "She does tend to do that, Your Grace."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Queen Sophia," he elaborates. I raise my eyebrows. He certainly is comfortable with talking about my wife, given their history. "Whenever she is angry at someone, she shuts them out. Completely ignores them. It goes away fast, Your Grace. Whatever anger the Queen is feeling, it will be over soon."

"Thank you, Matthos, but I believe I know my wife well enough to know that."

"Apologies, Your Grace," he speaks up fast, looking alarmed at my words. "I did not mean to insult, I…"

"I should be apologizing," I sigh, knowing all too well that it is not his fault. Sophia has a past, as do I. It just so happens that her past is still around, unlike mine. Then again, her past isn't as dark as mine is. "I know the two of you grew up together, I know you were… close. Whether I like to admit it or not, you know her better than I do. Even when it comes to sulkiness and silent treatments."

The man chuckles and moments later, so do I. He is definitely familiar with that side of her.

"She is different now," Matthos tells me, looking down at the ground as he speaks. "As am I. I was foolish to believe that things might say the same. It might have been different, had… No, it would not have been different," he shakes his head, looking up. "She never looked at me the way she looks at you. She loves you, Your Grace. She might be angry, she might act as if it is not like that but trust me on this, she loves you."

My wife's first love is telling me that she loves me. And for an unexplainable reason, I needed to hear it.

I know Sophia loves me. I have seen it in her eyes, read it in her words. Despite all expectancies, what we have is absolutely true and positively irreplaceable. In any other situation, I would never even consider doubting it. But with the way she had been acting, doubts have arisen. And I needed Matthos Seaworth to tell me that I should not worry. Out of all the people, it is Matthos Seaworth.

"And she cares for you greatly," I tell him. Sophia had tried not to mention him, she had made a conscious effort of doing so, I know it. Whenever she would mention him, it was easy to tell that she cares for him, that he is an important person in her life, even if they are not as close as they once were. "I'd better get going."

"Of course, your Grace," Matthos stands aside as I walk towards the door.

I can't tell if my conversation with Stannis will be more unusual than this one. We have already settled all the battle plans so whatever it is that he wishes to speak of, it is either not about the battle or it is about changing the entire plan. Either way, I am not looking forward to it.

He is a capable man and he will make a good King but it still baffles me to know that he could raise both Sophia and Shireen. The only time I see similarities between them is when Sophia is annoyed or angry; the look on her face reminds me of the permanent scowl on Stannis's face. When I was trying to teach Shireen how to use a sword, she would have that look on her face as well, annoyed when she could not repeat my movements as well as she had hoped to.

Everything else is completely different. Where they are kind, he is not. Where they are lenient, he would never back down, never sacrifice his own gain for anything or anyone. Shireen might be too young but she looks more like Sophia with each passing day. While Sophia can be quite stubborn, it is nothing compared to how stubborn Stannis can be. It's a good think he isn't my wife.

Two of his men open the doors for me and I am surprised to find him alone; the Red Woman was not by his side this time, even if she usually is. "Your Grace, you wanted to see me?" I nod as I walk inside the room. I am glad we have a chance to speak in private. The presence of the Red Woman does not make me comfortable, and Stannis Baratheon's company isn't entirely comfortable on its own. Sophia had warned me about her, many times. She had no specific warnings, no accusations and no reason to point a finger at her but she did not like her at all. I am yet to understand who she is and what her role in all of this is but if there is one thing I have learned lately, it is that Sophia's instincts are usually spot-on. If she tells me to be careful and keep an eye on the Red Woman, I will.

"Yes," he confirms, not showing any emotions on his face; he never does. "Take a seat."

"What is the matter?" I ask as I sit opposite him, feeling uneasy. He does not look content but then again, he never does. He could have just received the best news of his life, for all I know.

"I wish to go over the battle plans once again, for good measure," he tells me. Reasonable, even if we have spent the last two days doing just that. In a different situation, I would have been annoyed at his need for everything to turn out perfectly; now, I am not. I need this to turn out perfectly as well. "But before we do, I wondered if you have received any news about my grandchild."

"No," I shake my head in confusion. "Have you?"

Surely, Sophia would have written me first, not him. If anything bad had happened, I would be the first one to know, even if all the anger she feels is directed at me. I only know of one letter sent from her to him. She might have written more, without telling me or without me finding out about it but she had struggled with writing to him for months; I doubt she is exchanging letters daily, all of a sudden.

"No," he reassures me, probably seeing the worry on my face. "Sophia… she does not write me much, I am afraid. The last letter I have received was from Shireen, a fortnight or so ago. She told me that the boy is growing fast and that both he and Sophia are healthy."

"That is all I know as well," I tell him. If we keep talking on this subject, he will realize that Sophia doesn't write me much either, not lately. I owe nothing to Stannis, no explanations, but I would rather not have him know this. I would rather not have anyone know of this, even with Jon, Matthos and possibly my entire family knowing all about it. "Your Grace, she is… she is very busy. She has a newborn to take care of and before that, she had a castle to rule, an entire region. I have provided her with all the help she could ask for but that did not make the task easy."

"I have tried to prepare her," Stannis tells me, looking away. He looks at the wall as he talks. I have learned a while ago not to be insulted at that. "I never knew I was preparing her to be a Queen. We have never thought that I will ever end up being the rightful heir to the Iron Throne. Robert had children. Her uncle was the King but she was just a lady. She would marry a highborn lord, give him children and rule his castle with him. That's what she was ready for. That's what both of us had expected. It all changed and she was left in the middle of it. I had been focus on the throne from the moment I have realized that it belongs to me. I did not stop to think that she might not be ready to inherit it one day."

"She might not be ready know, but when the time comes, she will be," I speak up in her defense. "I had no idea what I was doing when they named me their King. I have learned along the way. She already is my Queen. She is already learning. When the time comes, she will know."

"You won't never say it out loud, not to my face, but I have wronged her and you know that," he tells me. I did not expect such a confession. With all his strength and cold demeanor, there was bound to be a crack in the wall. Though I was never expecting him to open up to me, of all people. "She will never forgive me for marrying her off, for handing her over to you, without even giving her time to get used to the idea. She was supposed to marry a lord, not a King. And she will never forgive me for it."

"She is happy with me."

"I know that," he sighs, finally turning his head around and looking me in the eyes. "I know you treat her well. I know you get along better than her mother and I have ever had. When I have agreed to have her marry you, I knew who I was marrying her to. Your father was a man of honor and so are you. I had hoped that her being happy might change her view on it but it did not and with good reason. Even when she was a child, she was as stubborn as a mule. Now, she is smarter and more experienced and still stubborn. She might love you madly but she will never forgive me for giving her up the way I did."

"She might," I say, hoping to reassure him, even if I am well aware that he is probably right. "It takes time. And she is happy. She is a mother now, it is said that women change when they become mothers. Once all of this is over, perhaps you will have a chance to mend it, together."

"We will not," he shakes his head. "There is nothing I can do about it now."

"I know where she gets the stubbornness from."

I should not have said that. We are not merry brothers; we are two Kings. He is the father of my wife. A man of stone, at that. Who started laughing at my comment. I did not think it was possible.

"I can't say you are wrong about that," he nods his head. "If your marriage is the only thing I have done to wrong her, it might have been repaired. But I have made many mistakes and I was not aware that I was making them, not until it was too late. She was the one who stopped me from making them with Shireen and she did so by taking her as far away as possible, both from me and their mother. I might not have lost her entire respect and love but the damage I have made is unrepairable. I just need to come to terms with that and hope that it will not affect her as a parent. I have taught her to learn from her mistakes. I have also taught her to learn from other people's mistakes if possible, instead of making them on her own. She will know not to act with her children the way I have acted with her. She already knows it and does it, with her sister. I can only be glad to see that she did end up happy, despite the circumstances. That will give me relief, if nothing else. At least I haven't condemned her to a life of misery, but a life with a kind man and healthy children."

I don't know what to say to that. Father… he was never like that. He was strict when he needed to be and we could not do whatever we had wanted but he had a kind heart and he would show his love towards us in the most unexpected ways. He would forbid Arya from learning how to swordfight than clap and laugh as he had watched her break his rules. He would catch Jon and I sneak out the castle and at first, he would admire our tactics, before giving us a punishment. He was very much involved in our upbringing, the way Stannis never was with Sophia.

He is right about one thing, though. She did learn a few things from him. She is a smart woman and even if she says she does not understand war, she does. Better than most men I know. Her entire life had been a war, whether it was her daily life or her waiting to hear if we all are alive or not.

She might be as stubborn as a mule but I will take that stubbornness, any day.

"Now, about the battle plans," Stannis breaks the silence, acting as if the conversation we have had was nothing but a product of my imagination. "We must see to it that-"

I should not be surprised by it but I am. He closed the door almost as fast as he had opened and once again, I see resemblance between him and Sophia. They are much more alike than I had thought, even after all the time we have spent together. Whenever she shows a sign of vulnerability of any kind, Sophia slams the door shut and hides. She trusts and she loves, with all her heart but no matter what I do, she is never completely at ease, never comfortable with showing her true self and all her faults.

That… I need to change that. But in order to do that, I need to survive tomorrow.


	49. Chapter 49

**Hey guys, sorry for the delay. I know it took me a while but this one really bugged me good. On the other hand, we have gone over 400 and seeing as I got a bottle of champagne for my bday, guess who's gonna crack the bottle open? Yup. Tomorrow, I'll toast you all! The block is over and done with and I am currently working on a new chapter, as well as new chapters for my other stories (and a few I am yet to publish, wink wink)  
So, let me know what you think. You know it means a lot to me. **

**Also… This chapter goes up and down, really fast. It's kind of like Part 1, with the next one being Part 2. A lot happens and there are time jumps that might be a bit confusing but it will all be cleared up in Part 2 aka Chapter 50.**

 **Man, chapter 50. Soon enough, this story will come to an end my friends :(  
BUT, there's still a bit to write and I will do it. **

**So, expect a new chapter soon (not a whole month, cross my heart) and let me know what you think! Your reviews always mean a lot to me!  
Enjoy Part 1! :)**

* * *

Smart people ask for council. Smart people listen to the council once they realize that the council might be better than their actual opinion. Smart people do not have a problem with accepting that they were horribly, terribly wrong and apologizing for their actions. I was sure I was one of those people. I am not.

I knew that Jon had a point. I knew that Jon was saying those words because he's been in my place and he didn't exactly enjoy the way it had turned out. And he's hardly the only one.

What would Catelyn do if she had a chance to talk to her late husband for one last time? Would she reprimand him for the mistakes he had made or would she hold him, kiss him and remind him of the love she feels for him? What would Gendry do if he had a chance to speak to Robert? Would he ask him why he never cared for him or would he try to get to know him? What would Robb do if he had a chance to speak to his father? What would Jon do? What would Jon do if he had one more minute with his beloved. Would he waist the time or would he right his wrongs and tell her the truth?

I knew Jon was right. I knew that I should do all that is in my power to push the anger away and focus on the love I feel for my husband. I knew it and still, I didn't do it.

And I love him. I am a complete fool for him. I would do anything to be by his side, to listen to him speak and have him hold me in his arms for hours on end. I would give it all up. I still feel strange feelings in my stomach whenever he would pull me in for a kiss. The last time I woke up next to him, I was still waking up like a grinning fool. The distance between us has been annoying me from day one and I would do all that is in my power to lessen it, to be next to him again.

And I couldn't write him. I couldn't write him to tell him that everything is alright, I couldn't write him to tell him that are son is healthy, let alone that I am still completely mad about him!

I had a chance to say my goodbye without saying goodbye, just for good measure.

And now what? Now he's in a battle and I am here, leagues away from him, crying in my pillow because I was stupid, selfish and egotistical enough to hold his mistake against him. Yes, it is a mistake and yes, I still hold that against him but he might not return from the battle he might be fighting at this very moment. If he doesn't return from it, he will die not knowing that I am absolutely and completely his.

I am a complete idiot. The only good thing about this is that I know now that if I have a chance to keep him, I will not be making the same mistake, not ever, no matter what he does.

"Sophia, you really need to calm down," Arya tells me. Out of all the people, _all the people_ , it is Arya vStark who has the bravery to speak up. Truth be told, Arya Stark might be the only one that did not have a chance to learn that I am not the person that reacts well to being told to calm down. Then again, if anyone else had dared to say it, I might have reacted differently. I am on uncharted territory just as much as Arya is and therefore, I can't afford to react the same way I would if Gendry was brave enough to tell me that I need to calm down. "There's nothing you can do about it now."

"Don't you think I know that?" I mumble. If I had the energy to stand, I would probably be pacing but I did not even have the strength in me to do that. "Jon, why are you here? Why are you not with him?"

From the moment I have seen Jon at our gates, I know it was wrong. Yes, he is a Stark and yes, he will always belong in Winterfell but he is Robb's brother. He should be by his side, fighting with him and winning a war with him. Possibly even saving his life. Not as his own expense, of course.

"Sophia, you know why I am here," Jon tells me. "In fact, the reason why I am here has made you pretty angry." He reminds me. Of course he is going to mention my slightly irrational behavior in front of half of his family. The only one that did not seem a tiny bit surprised at Jon's words is Shireen.

Whatever it is that I do, she has seen it before. There is absolutely nothing I can say or do, no words or actions, that might surprise that girl. Once again, I am proven that she grew up before her time and that despite doing all I could to stop it, I was not as successful as I had hoped to be.

"We really need to discover some more effective means of communication," I mumble, focusing all of my attention to stop my leg from jumping up and down. The only thing that is stopping me from completely losing my mind is the baby in my arms. My son and his confused, blue eyes were the only thing is making me hold it all together. "Ravens are too slow. It can take days, if not weeks for them to fly from one end of Westeros to another. We do not have weeks."

For all we know, the war is already over! The war is already over and whether or not it has been won or lost, we will not know! We will not know for days after it is actually over.

There are two things we can do. We either celebrate or we try to organize an escape. And if we have to organize an escape, we are losing valuable time, just because the stupid birds are not flying fast enough!

"Sophia, we are all on edge," Sansa tries to reason with me. Her efforts are good but not good enough. "You can't do anything. Neither one of us can do anything. All we can do is sit and wait. Pray and hope for the best. And try to be calm while we wait."

I know she is right. I need to be calm. For them, for my family, for the people who look at me and for the son I am holding in my arms. If he ends up being the only thing I have left of Robb, he is going to need me to be strong. Even now, as a baby. I know I have to do it and I am truly trying to but I can't. I just can't! They all want too much from me, I want too much from me. I have warned Robb a long time ago, that he had married the wrong girl and right now, I am proving that my words are true.

Ned starts crying, as if he can feel how close I am to breaking down. I am starting to affect him.

"I need to go," I tell them, realizing that Ned will probably not calm down if I just rock him for a little while. "I need to feed him. If anything happens, if we receive any news, you know where to find me." I tell them as I walk towards the door; Jon rushes to open it for me. "Thank you." I utter before walking out and making my way to my bedchambers, looking for a little peace and privacy.

By the time I close the doors behind us, Ned had already stopped crying. Still having to feed him, I make myself comfortable and I try, I truly try, to forget about all the worries if only for a little while.

My son can sense the tension. _A baby_ can sense the bloody tension that surrounds it!

"I am so sorry," I whisper, looking down at my little boy. "You deserve more than this. As your mother, I should give you more than this. You need to be my priority, not your Poppa. And you are. You truly are. You are my number one. I would freeze fire and dry oceans for you. But I also love your Poppa quite a bit too," I sigh. Speaking to a babe that does not understand what I am saying has become what writing in notebooks used to be before. I do not put my feelings into written words; I speak them, to the only person in the world that would not reveal them to anyone. "I could handle it all if I knew he would have a chance to hold you. You are his as much as you are mine. You are his spitting image, love."

He is going to need his father. And Robb is going to need his son. I won't be helping either one of them if I keep losing touch with reality every few moments. Worry and stress are _not_ an excuse. I need to push it down, I need to push it all down, with all the strength I have in me. I have done it before and I know I can find the strength to do it again. I must. When so many people depend on me, including my only child, I must do it. I need to be strong, no matter how hard it gets.

With or without Robb, I need to be strong. I need to be strong or at the very least, pretend to be strong while stifling my worries until the time comes for me to face them.

Strong, yet so tired. At this moment, what I truly need is sleep. And as I notice Ned slowly falling into dreamland in my arms, I see my chance.

* * *

"Sophia! Sophia!"

I snap awake, met with Shireen's face. For a moment, for one horrible moment, I think of the worst. Robb is dead. Father is dead. The war is lost. Or perhaps, something had happened here, where we were supposed to be safe. Did the wildlings attack? Did something happen to one of them? Did Sansa fall? Did Lady Catelyn faint? Did Gendry and Arya get into a fight?

"What is going on?" I ask. Robb. It can't be Robb. No, absolutely not, it can't be.

"He's here," she chuckles. Alright, she is not crying; that should be a good sign. News can also be good. "Rickon Stark."

It takes me a moment to remember exactly who Rickon Stark is; there's too many of them and he is the only Stark I never had a chance to meet. As soon as I realize that she is talking about Robb's youngest brother. The one that is supposed to be on Skagos. And the one that Robb was trying to find; he sent men to find his youngest brother and return him home to Winterfell. It appears that it had worked.

"Is he alright?" I ask my sister as I try to wipe the sleep away from my eyes; it doesn't matter how much sleep I get these days, it's never enough. Ever since I have given birth to Ned, I have been struggling to wake up properly. Before, I would be wide awake minutes after opening my eyes. Now, it takes me longer and I'm afraid that it's only going to get worse.

"Yes," Shireen tells me. Well, that is a proper relief. "He's asleep now."

"Asleep?" I ask in surprise. "How long has he been here when he's already sleeping? Why did you wait so long to wake me up? How long have I been asleep to begin with?" I ask, looking over at the cradle, where Ned was sound asleep, despite wrinkling his little face.

"You've been asleep for a while," Shireen tells me, looking slightly guilty. "I wanted to wake you up earlier but when Arya and I opened the door, you were in deep sleep. Arya said that you need your rest and that we should wait a little while."

It does make sense. Rickon does not know me, so he's not dying to see me again and I really did need a little bit of peace, along with sleep. What I am surprised with is that Arya was the one who insisted on it. While we get along… alright, I suppose, we still have not reached the stage where such acts of kindness are not unexpected. It is very much unexpected, seeing as how much that girl did not like me at first. It had started changing ever since I gave birth and so far, it has been changing for the better.

I have never been in a battle; therefor I cannot imagine what that must feel like. It is undoubtedly difficult, frightening and with great risk. What I can claim for a fact is that having a family is difficult, frightening and a great risk. It was a difficulty I have never imagined. Yes, of course, I knew I was going to have a family of my own, but I did not expect that my husband's siblings would have been returning home, one by one, after being lost for a very long time. I also was not expecting it to happen without him here. It would have been easier if I had Robb by my side. I suppose I should be lucky Cat is here.

"How did he seem?" I ask Shireen, knowing I will probably not have a chance to see the boy today; if he needs his rest, the last thing I want to do is to make him socialize with me, a woman that is supposed to be his family but that he never laid eyes on before. It did not go well with Arya and I doubt it would go well with him. Besides, Skagos is not near. He had probably been riding for days, after being on the water for days. He needs his rest and he does not need social pressure. That being said, I need to know if he's doing well at least. "Is he well? Was he glad to see his siblings and Lady Catelyn?"

"Yes, he seems to be perfectly fine," Shireen reassures me, nodding her head. "He was very happy to see them all. They hugged and they talked."

Good. If he was quiet and unnerved by being back home, that would be a problem. At least he was happy to see them. We need to be gentle with him; perhaps it would be a good idea to not blindside him with the fact that he's an uncle now. Not to mention that his older brother is at war. A war that he might be losing, for all we know.

It can't be good. If we can barely handle it, how would it be like for a child?

A child that was separated from his family and that had to run to save his life. For all we know, he's a child that is more mature than all of us combined.

"This is never going to stop, is it?" I ask, not expecting a proper answer from Shireen. "Even when the war comes to an end, there will always be something. It does not stop. The moment I think it is slowing down, it just picks up speed. And I cannot follow it anymore."

"I think it will," she gives me a small smile. "And if it doesn't, you will handle it."

"Ah, but I am not sure that I will," I admit, looking over at Ned, who is still sleeping peacefully in his cradle. As much as I want for everything to be calm, for his sake, I do not see that as a possibility. I just do not see all of this ending in complete peace and serenity. At least nor for my family. "I don't know anymore, Shireen. I don't know how much longer I can keep it up."

Admitting it is not easy, not even if I am admitting it to myself. But if there is a person in this world that I could admit it to, without ever wondering if they would find a way to use it against me, it is Shireen. This girl will have my side until the very end. I can trust her.

But it is not about trust, not anymore. It is about help and how much I am going to need it.

* * *

I run through the crowd of soldiers, looking for him. I try to ignore the celebratory cries, knowing it is too soon from them; we might have breached the city but we are yet to get into the Red Keep.

Soldiers fought and common people stood on the side; they might not know about this war as much as I'd like them too, but they know enough to step aside. They have seen the army and they know they are not going to stop it. Unlike Cersei Lannister, they have accepted defeat and they would rather live than die. After all, it isn't their war to begin with?

Their army fought, I'll give them that. They were not willing to accept defeat, not until it became obvious that defeat was imminent and that they were surrounded from all sides. Those that have surrendered are being locked up by the men who are not cheering yet; those who fought to the end are dead, bleeding on the city streets.

I try to recognize him among the men but I can't. All of us are covered in blood and dirt. I grab one soldier and he almost attacks me; it takes him a moment to realize who I am.

"Stannis? Where is Stannis?" I ask, knowing that I need to find him at once.

"Near the gates."

"The city or the castle?"

"Red Keep, Your Grace."

I run through the crowd again, pushing all those who get in the way. I am lucky the Kings before me liked to show off their power; I have never step foot in this city before and I do not need to look around to find the Red Keep. I rush to it, hoping the soldier was right and that Stannis is indeed there.

"Your Grace!" I turn around, seeing Davos rushing my way. I knew it; wherever Stannis goes, Davos follows. "Your Grace, we have done it!" he laughs as he stops before me, trying to catch his breath. "King Stannis wants to attack the castle before sunset. Do you think that can be done?"

"If can, I am sure of it," I look around. Men are tired, but this is one final push that we most make in order to finally do what we have planned. For years, we have been fighting this war, our men along with us. As tired as they are, this is the one last thing we must do, before we can go home, to our families. Families… "Davos, I need to speak with you."

"I didn't expect it to be as easy, not after the Battle of Blackwater," he laughs, shaking his head, amazed at our own capability. "I thought we will struggle again, but this went through like a knife through melted butter. This will go down in history as one of the easiest battles ever won!

"Ser Davos…"

"You need to regroup with King Stannis, Your Grace," he tells me, completely ignoring my interruption. "We can all charge on the gates or we could separate again and press them on all sides…"

"Ser Davos!"

"It can be done in a few hours, I am sure of it!"

"Ser Davos!" I should, losing my patience. Finally, he hears me; he stares at me with wide eyes. A King I might be but not all Kings yell at their people like that. Normally, I don't either. "It's Matthos."

I have been looking for Davos even before the battle was over. I have been trying to get his attention and the man refused to listen, feeling elated by our success. He is finally listening now and judging by the look on his face, he knows what I am about to say.

"What about him?" he asks.

"I did not see it on time," I tell him, choosing my words carefully. He takes a harsh breath; he knows it. "By the time I got to him, he had already fallen."

Ser Davos leans on a wall, with a hand on his head. I have seen fathers react to such news but I never had to be the one to tell it to them. Despite not knowing my son at all, it feels all too real. A father losing a son is not the way it should be. As much as I miss Father, I know he would have wanted it to be this way, as a Father should never have to live with the death of his son. And Matthos was Ser Davos's firstborn, at that.

"I know it is not much, but if it is any consolation to you, I killed the man," I add. "And your boy died at once; he was not struggling at all."

That is a lie. When I got to them, when I killed the soldier that had wounded Matthos, he was on the ground, clutching his stomach. The sword went clean through, I don't know how he even lived that long. But he was on the ground and in terrible pain, dying. He looked up at me and told me two words I will never forget, not for as long as I live.

Do it.

Matthos died by my sword, even if it was out of mercy.

Ser Davos doesn't need to know that. Knowing that would give him even more pain. It might be a lie but I know he is at peace if he thinks that his son died instantly. I am the only one who knows the truth, since the dead don't talk. Ser Davos shouldn't know about it.

"Thank you," he mumbles. Even after hearing what he had just head, he does not forget my manners. I don't know if I want to hug him or hit him because of it. "He died bravely."

"That he did, Ser Davos." I put my hand on his shoulder, squeezing it tightly. If there are any words that can help him in a moment like this, I don't know them. I can only give him my silent support.

"You need to talk to King Stannis, Your Grace," he tells me, sounding dazed, as if he had just woken up. He looks that way too. He must be in shock, not completely aware of the loss he will have to face, the son he will have to grieve. "We need to finish this war. Once and for all."

I nod, not saying anything to him. I leave him be, letting him face his grief without me being there to witness it and I make my way through the crowd again, looking for King Stannis.

Davos is right, we need to finish this war, once and for all. We have all lost so much, too much. Many men have lost their lives and we need to make sure that they did not lose it for nothing. We will take the castle, take the throne and take the Kingdom, in the name of Matthos and all those who have lost their lives by fighting for it. In their name, we will once again bring peace to Westeros and death to those that have been playing with it for many years.

We didn't come all the way here for nothing.

* * *

I march down the hallway, making my way to Catelyn's room. I don't make it far; I hear shouts. Muffled shouts but still, raised voices. It takes me a moment to realize where they are coming from; I rush to Sansa's room, opening it without even knocking. I was expecting an attacker or her, on the floor in pain. I was not expecting to find her yelling at Arya, Arya yelling back at her and with Shireen sitting on the side, watching in wonder and shock.

"You can't act this way Arya!" Sansa yells.

"What in the Seven Hells are you two doing?" I raise my voice; they've finally noticed my presents. "I thought someone was being attacked! What is the matter of this?"

"Arya is being immature and childish." Sansa tells me.

"No, you are being immature and childish!" the younger Stark snaps. "Go on! Tell her! Tell her what this is about!"

"Arya, do not dare!" Sansa growls at her sister; I have never seen Sansa speak to anyone in such a way.

"Will someone, in the name of Gods, tell me what is going on?!" I yell, finally losing my patience.

"Sansa is in love with Gendry!" Arya bursts out.

"ARYA!" Sansa shouts in complete disbelief. "How dare you?!"

"STOP IT!" I yell from the top of my lungs; it is my yell that makes them stop for a moment. Finally, there is some silence, silence I need in order to think about what I've just heard. Normally, I would think that Arya is teasing her sister but Sansa's reaction is telling me that Arya might just be telling the truth.

Out of all the people, all the men, she chose Gendry? Quite possibly the worst option? But Sansa doesn't know that, does she? She doesn't know why Gendry would be the worst possible option for her.

"Arya's in love with him too, that's why she is so angry!" Sansa suddenly snaps again, causing Arya to lose the little self-control she actually had. I lunge in between them, grabbing Arya by the waist and pulling her away from her older sister. She was more than ready to attack and had I not been as fast as I was, she would have done it. I have managed to grab her right on time.

"Stop it, both of you!" I order as I finally let go of Arya; she's taking deep breaths but it looks as if she is calm enough; I look at Sansa, who is still very much surprised with the reaction of her sister. I think she might have realized that she had pushed Arya a bit too far for her liking. We stand in silence for a moment, before I turn to my sister. "Do you happen to be in love with Gendry as well?"

"No!" she protests. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised by anything.

"Good," I sigh, before shifting my eyes between the two Stark girls. "I do not care what is going on, I do not care what comes between you. You will not shout at each other and you will certainly not start a fist fight with,' I say, giving Arya a look. "It would be best if you avoid provoking the other one as well," I add, this time looking Sansa's way. Arya might have been the one who jumped but Sansa was the one that lit the fuse. In my eyes, both of them are equally guilty. "Now, we need to settle this mess. Arya, you come with me. Sansa, I will speak to you later. Am I making myself clear?" I ask.

I do not use my strict voice often but then again, I don't really have the opportunity to use it. Arya and Sansa have combined their efforts to provide me with one. I no longer have the space to worry about whether or not this is my duty, whether or not I should interfere. We live together and we are a family. Granted, we did not grow up in the same castle but we have known each other long enough for me to have this freedom. I am a Queen, I am their brother's wife and the mother of their nephew and the future heir to the Seven Kingdoms. I have the right to speak like this.

"Am I making myself clear?" I ask again, in an even harsher tone.

"Yes." Sansa, Arya and even Shireen mumble at the very same time.

"Good," I nod my head. "Arya, follow me," I order, half expecting her to decline. She doesn't; as I walk out of the room, she follows me.

Did we not have enough problems even without this one?


End file.
